Fiona snuggled into Michael's chest. "I've missed you," she said after a while. "I've missed us."
"Me, too."
Her head rose and fell with his breathing. "Do you feel any better?"
"Not really. I feel bad for the cat."
She smiled.
"I don't know, Fi. Maybe."
She burrowed in deeper, holding him tighter. "There's nothing you're feeling that somebody else hasn't felt before. You're not that special."
This time Michael smiled.
"Think of it as emotional boxing. Boxing relaxes you because you work off stress and hit something you can't hurt. Talking about stressful things serves the same purpose."
"People get hurt when you punch them in the face, Fi. That's why you like it."
She bopped him on the head sort of lightly. "With a punching bag, smart ass."
"Ahhh." He took a deep breath. "So do I have to keep talking?"
"You mean now or ever?"
"Now."
"No, that's enough to start. I wouldn't want you to pull a muscle." She sat up. "So. Do you want to join me in the pool?"
The toothy grin emerged. "No."
"Oh, shit," Fiona panted forty-five minutes later. "Shit shit shit shit shit."
Michael worked his way out from under the blankets. "Fi, uhh, I'm pretty secure in my abilities, but no guy wants to hear 'oh shit' when they're doing what I was doing."
"I'm sorry. I'm sorry. It's not that. I forgot I'm off the pill."
"What? Since when?"
"Couple of weeks." She sighed. "My migraines were coming back, so I went to a doctor who sent me to a neurologist who said some women get migraines when they're on the pill but not when they're off the pill. So I went off the pill."
"Why didn't you tell me at the time?"
"I had no plans to have sex with you."
"Ever?"
"I hadn't gotten that far."
Michael's jaw dropped. "Jesus Christ, Fi."
"It doesn't matter," Fiona continued. "Unless you want to stop at what we're doing now, we need condoms. Do you have any?"
"Are you sure your eggs even work anymore?"
"Michael, only out of respect for the immense pleasure I was experiencing a moment ago and hope to experience again soon will I refrain from violence against your person."
"A little joke, Fi. No, I don't have condoms. But I'm not fifteen anymore. I'm allowed to buy them now."
"Go buy them."
"Now? You don't want me to finish?"
"I'm very worked up about this, Michael. I haven't had to worry about birth control in twenty-five years."
"It's not like you have to worry about it right this second." He smiled. "Even I'm not powerful enough to get you pregnant with my tongue."
"Michael, I swear to god, if you don't leave this room immediately, this will become a moot point."
He groaned as he rolled himself off the bed. Fiona watched as he pulled on his jeans and a short-sleeved blue T-shirt.
"Why don't you wear your collared shirts as much anymore?" she asked.
He stared at her. "You're asking me this now?"
"I like your collared shirts."
Michael rolled his eyes as he shoved his feet into thonged sandals. Then he grabbed his phone and the room key from the bureau. "It'll take forever to get the car out of valet," he said. "I'll walk to the Walgreens at Lincoln."
"I'll be here."
"Yep, I imagine you will." He crossed the room back to the bed, kicked her, and kissed her.
Her eyes twinkled as he left the room.
Eleven minutes later, her phone rang. "Please tell me they have them," she said.
"Oh, they have them. They have about forty kinds of them. And since I can't remember the last time we used a condom, I figured I'd better check your preference lest I be sent back here."
"Nothing flavored and I get a bad reaction from the ones with spermicide. Anything else is fine."
Michael gazed at the rows. "When's the last time you went condom shopping, Fi? This is incredible."
"That's wonderful, Michael, but could you please hurry the hell up?"
"All right, all right. I'll find something. Hey, what's this . . . ." He trailed off.
"What?"
"Oh, we're getting this," he announced. "No question."
"What is it?"
"It'll be a surprise."
"Michael, sex surprises are a delicate art. I excel at them. You do not."
"Nice."
"It's true. I ended up having to dig glass out of your back the last time, you'll recall."
"Because you flipped me into the dishwasher."
"Because you startled me at the sink."
"I'm not having this conversation, Fiona. Mission's on. I've acquired the package. We're a go."
"I googled types of condoms after you hung up," Fiona said as Michael walked in. She was looking at her phone. "Tell me you did not get glow-in-the-dark condoms."
"I didn't. I considered it, but I didn't." He put down the large, plastic Walgreens bag. She hadn't looked up to notice the size of the bag.
"So what'd you get?"
"Extra thin. Nothing special."
"What's the surprise, then?" she asked, looking up for the first time. As soon as she did, six foam darts flew around her head, one after the other. She reflexively threw her head down after the second. "What the hell are you doing?" she yelled.
Michael was holding a Nerf gun and smiling broadly. "One for each of us," he announced, picking up the bag. "The Nerf N-Strike Elite Strong Arm Blaster. For ten bucks, you get a weapon that shoots six darts in rapid fire. And if you hold the trigger down, you can do slam fire. This is what was missing in our lives, Fi. Ten bucks. This weapon could end wars. That's how satisfying it is." He tossed her the sealed box holding her own blaster.
She caught it and inspected the packaging, reading about the features of Michael's new toy. "I hope you bought extra ammunition," she said. "Twelve darts is laughable."
He pulled out a plastic sleeve of seventy-five darts and held it up for her to see.
"Good boy." She got a puzzled look on her face. "Wait, weren't you in the condom aisle when you saw this?"
"Yeah."
"What was a toy doing in the condom aisle?"
"A question best left unanswered, I say." He strode to the bed and sat down on the edge. "Now, if I know you as well as I think I do, there's not a question of what you want to do now." He smiled.
Fiona licked her lips and exhaled as lustfully as one can exhale. "Give me the darts."
"That's my girl."
Author's Note: A little Memorial Day fun. Hope you enjoy the story!