It was the fifth time Clarke deleted the message she had written. Abby needed to know but Clarke just didn't know what to say. She typed in a short message and hit send, then pocketed her phone and left for the bar.
The group was already there, Octavia and Raven excitedly talking about something Lincoln had said, and Bellamy and Echo were trying to win pool against Jasper and Monty, which didn't seem too hard since the boys kept goofing around and were clearly too drunk to even hold the cue properly. Clarke waved at them and then disappeared behind the bar.
Two hours later, Clarke felt tipsy as well and went out for a quick smoke, with Octavia and Jasper following her.
"Don't you think you should, you know... not smoke?" Jasper asked, clearly uncomfortably and slightly scared of the blonde's reaction.
"Yeah, probably." She said and took another drag, while Octavia shot a warning glance at Jasper.
"Okay C, this was really fun but it's really, really cold and we'll go back inside, see ya in a minute!" Clarke nodded and watched her friends disappear.
"Well hello there, what's a pretty girl like you doing here, all alone?" A man approached Clarke. He was clearly drunk.
"Thank God I'm not alone actually. No need to worry about me, get going." Clarke sassed but it didn't impress the man at all.
"I knew you'd be happy for me to come and rescue you." He continued while Clarke took a few steps back, but he kept moving closer until he had her pinned to the wall and laid his hands next to either side of her head to trap her.
"Look, I'm not interested and I have to go back inside, so could you please– Ugh, enough!" She exclaimed when he leaned in dangerously close to her face.
"Didn't you hear her? She said No." Clarke's heart jumped at the voice and the guy turned around and faced Lexa, who was simply standing there with her arms crossed, but something about her posture and especially her eyes let Clarke have a cold shiver running down her spine, and apparently, the brunette had the same effect on the guy, too.
"I suggest you back off, now." She said and he raised his hands in defense, taking enough steps backwards to show that they had nothing to worry about anymore.
"Sorry, didn't mean to–"
"Yeah well but you did." Lexa said calmly but Clarke could see her jaw twitch slightly, so she gently laid her hand on her girlfriend's biceps. "Lexa, let's go." But Lexa did not move, she just kept glaring at the man in front of her. She only reacted when Clarke stepped in front of her, "Please."
She reluctantly nodded and they went back inside the bar.
"Lexa, what the fuck were you thinking? He could have hurt you!" Clarke hissed, a hint of anger rushing through her voice, while she opened a beer and slid it over the counter to Lexa who was sitting on a barstool, her muscles stiffened.
"He could have hurt you!" Lexa stated, her right hand lying on her thigh, in a fist and she felt her nails dig deep into the flesh.
"He didn't, Lexa. It's okay. Those things happen sometimes, drunk people can be pretty intrusive. But they only flirt. That's all they ever do. Please don't worry about that, babe. It's fine."
"Yeah well thanks for telling me that, as if the images of that one guy that I now have burnt into my mind aren't enough already."
Clarke sighed and made her way around the counter and took the brunette's hands, brushing her thumb over the sore skin of the woman's palm. "Lexa, please. It's fine, trust me. I'm okay."
Lexa's lips slightly parted and she raised an eyebrow and blinked, a tear forming in her eye. "Are you really?" Clarke had no idea what she was referring to, so she just nodded and leaned in for a kiss, which was quiet and slow and only lasted for a few seconds. "I gotta get back to working, babe. Raven and the guys are somewhere in the back playing pool. I'm sure they'd love you to join them!" She said and smiled when Lexa sighed, grabbed her beer and made her way to Clarke's friends.
"Lexa!" Raven exclaimed happily and dragged the other brunette towards the pool table. "You, me, pool, now!"
"You'll lose if Lexa plays as great as you, Rae!" Bellamy laughed and held out his hand. "I'm Bellamy, nice to meet you." Lexa accepted his handshake and her eyes wandered around the group.
"Sorry. This is Echo, my girlfriend, this is Octavia, my sister–"
"We already had the pleasure to meet!" Octavia interrupted him and pulled Lexa into a short hug.
"Oh okay, cool! Well and these two dorks are Monty and Jasper, they're Raven's workmates. And yeah, this is Raven, but you two obviously know each other already, as well. So – Rexa against Bellecho?" Lexa questioningly raised her eyebrow but Raven laughed and shot a middle finger at Bellamy. "Don't mind him, it's an inside joke."
"Alright, Lexa, show us what you got!" Echo teased playfully and handed Lexa the cue.
"20 bucks Rexa will lose!" Jasper shouted and had Monty on his side, while Octavia supported the two women and bet against her brother and his girlfriend. The boys laughed at her but instantly shut up when Lexa hit the billiard balls in a perfect angle, potting two of them at once. She raised an eyebrow at Jasper and quietly handed the cue to a startled Bellamy.
Clarke's knuckles were white from clutching the sink as she looked in the mirror. She could feel the throbbing pressure against her skull and the pain was killing her. Literally. She laughed at her reflection in disgust, splashed some cold water on her face and left the bathroom.
"God, you have no idea how good it is to see you!" Clarke sighed as she approached her girlfriend from behind and slid her arms around the brunette's waist. Lexa turned around in the embrace and gently tuck a lose strand behind Clarke's ear. "Hey", she said quietly, her lips forming a small smile. "You look tired, do you want to leave?", "Yes please, lemme just grab my things real quick."
They laughed at the cheers and whistles about their kiss, waved back at their friends and left the bar.
Clarke was sitting on Lexa's bed, waiting for her to join her. Lexa stepped out of the bathroom in a wide shirt and shorts and quickly opened the closet door and disappeared behind it, to get some sweatpants.
"Babe, you don't have to hide your legs. And I actually prefer you without sweatpants, anyway."
"It's cold without them. I'll be there in just a second."
"It's not cold here at all. Just come here... Please?"
Lexa sighed and closed the door to look at her girlfriend who was still sitting on her bed, arms around her knees that were tucked up but when the blonde looked up, Lexa could see that she had been crying. Her heart ached at that sight, so she quickly made her way to the bed and gently wiped some half dried tears away. "Hey, what's wrong?" Clarke hesitated for a moment and then just shook her head. "You know you can tell me anything, right?... Clarke, look at me," she gently raised the blonde's chin, "why were you crying?"
Clarke finally met her girlfriend's eye, reached for her hand and her eyes softened when she spoke. "I won't be able to make it to Aden's birthday party."
"Oh Clarke, that's okay. He'll understand. We can have a private party later if it's so important for you, I'm sure he'd love that, too." Lexa said and tried to kiss the blonde but the woman backed away and lowered her head.
"I... won't be able to make it to that party, either." Clarke said quietly and felt new tears running down her cheeks.
"What do you mean you won't be able to make it? Clarke, what's wrong? Are you–" she paused. "Are you breaking up with me?" Clarke's head shot up and she could see the hurt in Lexa's eyes.
"God, no. Babe– no! I'm not breaking up with you. I would never do that! I love you... You know that, right?" Clarke tried to calm the brunette and was relieved when she nodded.
"Then what is it?"
Clarke hesitated for a moment.
"I'm ill, Lexa."
Silence.
"I have a brain tumor and they cannot remove it, it's too dangerous. I could get chemotherapy but the chance that it works is only thirty percent. At least that's what the doctor said. They need to run more tests to be sure though, and they'll–"
"How long...?"
"That's not important, Lexa. I–"
"How long?"
"12 weeks."
Lexa said nothing else. She did not shout, she did not cry, she did not assure Clarke that everything would be okay. She simply held her until they fell asleep.