XIX

*NOTE – Hello everybody, it's me, TheManFromMudos, and here I am once again with a fresh chapter of 'Xena' for you all to enjoy. Sorry that this one's a little bit short, but I was a bit pressed for time. I'll try and flesh the next one out a bit to compensate. Until then, there's really nothing more for me to say. So read on and enjoy. It's 'Xena'. THANK YOU!*

For the next few minutes, I was completely silent. I simply stared blankly into the wall, my face pale as a sheet. No matter how hard I tried, I simply couldn't shake what had happened from my mind. I hated myself for it; it felt like I'd done something truly unforgivable. Yet at the same time, it had been… amazing. Was I wrong for even thinking about it for a second? As I tried desperately to come to terms with my decision, I heard the loud, repetitive thump of a knuckle against the door. It startled me for a moment, breaking the silence in the room as the hand continued to knock. I stood up, gathering my bearings as I wandered over to the door, and pushed a button on the adjacent control panel. The locking mechanism clicked noisily and the huge slab of metal slid aside, revealing the source of the knocking: Ryan.

"Jones." He began sternly, before I'd even had time to acknowledge his presence.

"Goddard." I replied, in an equally serious tone. "What is it?"

"Oh, nothing sir, nothing at all…" He said, leaning against the door frame with an unsatisfied expression on his face. "Just wondering what gives you the right to sit about in your quarters whilst we're busy hunting for killer Xenomorphs, that's all." It took me a moment to realise what he was talking about. Then, I suddenly remembered the search. It had completely slipped my mind, what with… well, you know. And now, here was Ryan, standing in the doorway, wanting to know what I was playing at.

"Ah, w-well…" I stuttered, trying to conjure up some reasonably believable excuse. "I just, uh…"

"Save it, Matthew," Ryan snapped, much to my surprise. "I don't need to hear your excuses."

"Excuse me?!" I replied, astonished by the man's outburst. "Now I don't mean to be a dickhead or anything, Ryan, but you can't just come into my quarters and speak to me like that, I'm your superior officer."

"Oh, please," He said sarcastically. "There's a difference between rank and experience, you know."

"And what's that supposed to mean?" I asked, trying not to raise my voice. Ryan bit his lip, shaking his head as his face became slightly red. He was clearly not in the greatest of moods right now.

"Now you listen to me, Jones." He said through gritted teeth. "You may have just waltzed over to the nearest enrollment centre you could find and signed yourself up for a couple of years of boot-licking, but I've worked long and hard for this company and others. I worked for Weyland-Yutani long enough to learn that these things are a force to be reckoned with. So tell me: what expertise can you provide, eh? What do you know about them?"

'That they're good kissers,' I thought to myself bluntly, although I feared that Ryan might genuinely kill me if I said it aloud.

"I know that they leech DNA from their host's body." I told him plainly. "And I know that in the extremely rare case of twin birth, one specimen may deviate more from its base genetics than the other."

"Is that so?" Ryan asked with a raised eyebrow. "Nathan tell you that, did he?" He came closer to me, so close in fact that I had to take a step back. "Anyway, regardless of any genetic differences between the two… specimens, as you put it, they are still both vicious killers that need to be eliminated at all costs." Those last few words made my blood boil. He was wrong, and I knew perfectly well that he was. But I couldn't just blurt out the truth about Xena now, could I? Anyway, something else was bugging me right now. I thought back to when I'd first met Ryan. He told me that he'd worked as a low-ranking science officer for Weyland-Yutani. He'd also mentioned his position several times since then, to the rest of the crew as well. That was precisely what was bugging me. It seemed more than a little strange that such an insignificant member of Weyland-Yutani's staff had seemed to have a pretty solid knowledge of the Xenomorph species so far.

"Tell me, Ryan…" I began, a smug look on my face as I directed the doubt towards him, "How exactly did you come by all this information about Xenomorphs?"

"I don't know what you mean." He replied bluntly.

"Oh, come off it," I continued, pressing the topic further. "You recognised their eggs. You knew that conventional weapons wouldn't harm them. Seems like proprietary information to me."

"I didn't know that it would kill Cara." He said bitterly, an air of seriousness to his voice. I suddenly felt that maybe I had pushed him too far. Even so, I still had this sneaking suspicion that Ryan knew more than he was letting on.

"I'm sorry, Ryan." I said solemnly, although I refrained from placing a hand on his shoulder to comfort him. Even though he didn't show it, I could tell that I'd upset him. I agreed to go with him to continue searching for the Xenomorphs that were still at large. Deep down, I wanted to tell him about Xena; that she was friendly, that we should let her live. But if I knew one thing about Ryan, it was that he was a very discriminating person. If one Xenomorph was a killer, they all were. No exceptions.

A few minutes later, we had reached the briefing room, where we regrouped with Alan and Nathan. I could tell by their facial expressions that they had been searching exhaustively all morning. It made me feel a little apologetic for skiving off work to have a nice chat with Xena in my quarters. I considered whether I should mention my experience to either of them, but decided against it. First of all, Alan was as stubborn as a mule. If someone told him that there were two killer aliens on the ship, then there were two killer aliens on the ship. As for Nathan, well… honestly, I didn't know if I could trust him with information like that. I mean, out of all of my fellow crew members, Nathan was the most accepting by far. But that didn't mean you could trust him with a secret. If I told him, he'd almost certainly tell the others. No, no matter how much I wanted to, I couldn't tell either of them.

Before long, Alan, Ryan and Nathan had made a plan of action for their continued search into the afternoon. Once again, we'd be traveling as a group, in order to preserve what little crew remained. After all, we now numbered just four men (and only seven arms between us). Lunch, Alan dictated, was 'not going to happen', because there were slightly more pressing matters at hand. I said that this was ridiculous, mostly because I was getting quite hungry at the time, but he was adamant. 'We'll have double rations for tea', he said. 'How about double rations for lunch?' I said.

After another five minutes or so, we were all geared up, ready to head out on yet another arbitrary Xenomorph 'hunt'. It occurred to me that it was quite hypocritical of us to be hunting down and killing these creatures so that they wouldn't be able to hunt down and kill us, but there you have it. As we stepped out into the corridor, I was tempted once more to say something about Xena. Just mention her casually, that's all I had to do. But I found myself intimidated by the potential consequences. There were three fully-armed men around me, all of whom pretty much despised anything remotely linked to the word 'Xenomorph'. If I suddenly blurted out 'Oh, by the way guys, I snogged one of these things earlier', I'd be giving myself a death sentence. It'd be like a teenage boy telling his devoutly Christian parents that he had a boyfriend. Big mistake.

As we wandered along the corridor towards the starboard stairway, I found my mind focusing on Xena once again. I thought about the kiss, about how it had all happened. It was a heat of the moment thing, of course. And perhaps I was insane for saying so, but I really had… enjoyed it. Then I'd snapped at her, told her to go away. Was that wrong of me? I hadn't meant to upset her, but… Damn it, she shouldn't have lured me in with her fancy tail and her fancy head! The confusion of emotions was driving me insane. She was a Xenomorph, she wasn't even human. But then again, she showed human emotion. Hell, she was more emotive than most humans I knew! There really was only one explanation for all of this. The conflicting feelings. The regret, but at the same time, acceptance. The fact that she was constantly on my mind. I knew it all too well.

I was in love. And it was horrible.