2006

What should have been a routine operation in and around Java, with networks of upper-crust women tourists running heroin and money throughout the island as well as Madura, ran into a snag when the operation's major organizer had to sit on the sidelines.

"My girlfriend is sick." Alex could be heard hissing into her phone.

In the throws of another session of throwing up followed by drinking bottled water, followed by something Piper wouldn't discuss in polite company, Piper also heard Alex say something about 'not being as expendable as mutter-mutter thought.'

There was a bit of fear then, but it was quickly overshadowed by the need to throw herself into a hot shower yet again.

When she emerged, groaning and rubbing her stomach, wearing just a sarong because she knew the cycle would begin again soon enough, Alex handed her a bottle of orange flavored Gatorade.

"Why do you shower after every bout of explosive…" Alex laughed as Piper slammed a hand on her mouth. She kissed that hand and brushed blonde hair over Piper's ear, gazing adoringly at her.

Their trip hadn't been that bad until the stomach virus hit.

The scuba diving part had been fun. Beyond fun. Piper had taken a selfie surrounded by schools of red and yellow and orange fish and for whatever reason, it had made her feel connected to the world in a way she'd never quite experienced. A hung-over and grumpy Alex had listened to the story a hundred times, smiling in some mysterious way at the notion that they had had to come to Indonesia to find their white-ass selves. But still. It all made Piper happy and that made Alex happy.

They were on a private beach, Piper in her flimsy white cotton shirt atop an electric blue string bikini. Alex kept returning to the ocean, hoping that the salt would detox her quicker. When she returned after a quick swim, Piper's eyes practically tore her bathing suit off. She wrapped herself around Alex and slammed her down onto her back in the sand.

"Alex…Alex…I know you want to have sex on this beach…" Piper had slid her body over Alex's in what she hoped was a sensuous manner, but it was hard to tell, because they were both covered in salt water and sand.

"Speak for yourself." Alex laughed against Piper's lips. "I don't want to get sand in my snatch." Her hands gripped Piper's ass, pulling her closer as they kissed.

They had spent the day on the beach, eating and drinking whatever was delivered to them, but then Piper had started to feel a little off. A nap hadn't helped. Going to sleep at 8pm while clutching Alex's arm and tethering her to their bed hadn't helped.

"It's germ warfare. I'm being punished for not tipping well enough at the market yesterday." Piper had groaned the next morning when she'd awoken only to run to the bathroom for an hour.

The virus lasted another day. Alex organized their passports and identification, packed and cleaned, while Piper slept on and off.

"We'll come back babe." Alex reassured her when Piper's eyes welled with tears at the thought of leaving so soon. She didn't always know what to do when these shifts happened. Piper's incredibly privileged upbringing created both entitlement and emptiness, and one could never tell which would manifest at any given moment.

Prison Daze

During the night, they take an inmate away to psych. Who knows why. Whatever the reason, the woman screams and screams and sobs, asking again and again for a phone call because she's sure they won't tell anyone where they took her.

The injustice of it weighs on Alex. She'd promised herself to just keep to herself, to let shit just fall away like water off a duck's back. Two more years. Or was that three. She can't remember. It's definitely close to 4am when she starts to wonder, because the color of the sky outside does something to the dim light within. Or…maybe not.

There are always lights on somewhere. It reminds Alex of a hospital she stayed at once. They couldn't afford the bill, but Alex's aunt had insisted that they leave her there. Alex must have been 4 or 5. She'd been confused. And she hadn't slept well, because it was always too light.

Her mother had always had to work so fucking hard for her. Sometimes Alex just swallowed her rage and it turned into senseless tears at the thought of it.

Sometimes Alex puts herself back in that day. That day. That day when Piper left. She disrespected Alex's mother, because she didn't face the enormity of it all. And Alex's mom had fucking loved Piper.

And then, the day of the funeral. The worst day of all, even worse than when Piper walked out. Alex had fainted in the chapel and her aunt had given her a sedative later that night. It was a pretty good sedative. Not as good as the heroin she also had on her though.

And then she'd been alone. Alone with nothing but her grief to keep her company. And it was so much grief. Alex thinks about it now—how much grief there had been and how it's returning now, creeping up on her as she sits on this metal cot. She wonders if she's being punished by grief.

She'd sat in her apartment—hers, not hers and Piper's any longer—and put herself into a drug-induced haze for days on end.

Six days later, there had been a dare. Not a deal, but a dare. Fuck her way out of the grief, that was her friend's (dealer?) advice. Alex had gotten an STD that required ridiculous amounts of antibiotics. The resulting infection then led to massive crying jags in the bathroom.

Alex wonders why she's always being punished for living life to its fullest. Because really, wasn't that her biggest crime? She'd just wanted to bring the woman she loved (loves) to places she'd never been. Alex had just wanted to fill that void that seemed (seems) always to shade Piper's expression, haunt her, dull her, just behind her eyes.

She sits up in her cot and stares at the wall now. The wall becomes a backdrop for her memories. She imagines a beach and an ill and feverish Piper, holding onto her in the night.

Alex remembers their home together. Making love to Piper in their bed, that first time after Piper first moved in, how Alex had drawn the word with her tongue against Piper's cunt. Love. A four letter word that made Piper shake and sigh and look at Alex with such care, like maybe…maybe she wouldn't leave. Maybe this was it. The it they all talked out. Piper was it for her.

Piper still is.

2018

It's New Years Eve but Piper refuses to leave her apartment. She wants to keep studying for her exam.

So Alex checks out a few parties and then returns before midnight.

"No more booze, no more drugs, what's a girl to do on a Sunday night?" Alex leans against the door and looks Piper up and down. Her eyes are pure sex. She's wearing these fishnets that Piper wants to rip immediately. "Not even any sex. With anyone." Alex adds unnecessarily.

"You can come inside." Piper smirks and looks Alex up and down. Fuck her exam, this is way more interesting. Her ex-girlfriend turned secret lover turned ex again turned…whatever she is now…saunters in and Piper pulls her close, adding, "Oh. And good to know."

"That last part?" Alex asks softly.

Piper just nods and wraps her arms around those familiar broad shoulders, sighing with what feels like relief.

"Wanna play cards?" Alex's laughter is cut short by Piper's lips. She pulls away briefly and breathes out, "Happy New Years Pipes…"

They rush it all just a little. It's been so long, so speeding things up keeps them both from overthinking. Piper's clothes are easiest to remove and in the end, she's careful about Alex's fishnets, peeling them off slowly as she memorizes Alex's curves and skin and minute changes.

Before long, they're in Piper's bed. They kiss deeply, moaning into each other's mouths, deepening with each gentle thrust of their hips. Alex is between Piper's legs which are wrapped around her waist.

But then…

Then she pulls her hand away, cups Alex's face in them and asks, "should we really be doing this?"

"Oh. My. God. Pipes." Alex sighs and lowers her head to the pillow. Her arms tremble slightly. "I don't know. I mean. Yes. Yes?"

"You don't sound sure." Piper is beyond scared all of a sudden. She's sure that Alex will just bolt on her if she pushes too hard, but if she doesn't push at all…

"Hey," Alex's lips are soft but insistent, kissing her again and again. "I'm not going anywhere. Ok? We're ok."

"But I need to get back on my own two feet before we do anything." Piper mutters against the other woman's mouth.

"Ok. Let's just lie here then. We'll lie here and we'll plan. We'll plan our takeover of the whole crazy world." Alex gives her one last kiss and rolls over, wrapping sheets around her waist.

"Cover those also. Totally distracting." Piper murmurs, her hands cupping the air in front of Alex's breasts.

"Really? These? Since when do you like my boobs so much?" Alex frowns down at them but then catches sight of Piper's ridiculously lustful gaze and laughs her ass off.

"If and when we decide to sleep together again," Piper's voice is low and hoarse. She takes a moment then completes the thought. "I am going to worship those…just…worship…every single part of you…"

Alex's eyes tear up and then Piper adjusts the sheet around her and she calms again.

Planning for the next year involves Piper rushing about to find bits of paper and pencils for their various schematics. Alex gets up briefly and makes them a pot of tea. When she comes back to bed, Piper is chattering about the business plan she's been writing for a really complicated sounding private and publically funded job-share program. Their store is being managed by Polly, most days, but the job-share thing might work with it. She doesn't talk about her law studies. For some reason it's really important to keep that steep learning curve to herself for now. Her eyes trail lustfully over Alex's chest until Alex smiles amusedly and covers herself again.

At midnight, they kiss again, watching the ball drop on Piper's small television set, with the backdrop of loud parties just out the window. Alex's arms are warm and strong around her, hands rubbing slowly up and down her back.

Piper wakes the next morning practically falling off the bed. Alex curled against her during the night and pushed her closer and closer. Piper snorts, rolling her eyes at what a dork Alex can be sometimes. The toughest person Piper knows is also the cuddliest. She turns onto her left side and faces Alex, brushing a hand over her shoulder and arm until she splays on her back, sighing in her sleep.

She goes out and gets coffee and pastries, returning to find Alex still on her back, the sheet around her waist.

It's almost dizzying, how Piper's heart leaps strangely in her chest then…

"Hey." Alex's voice is even lower and more gravelly than usual with sleep. Her eyes are still closed but she stretches and struggles to open them.

"Fuck you're beautiful…I love your breasts, Alex. Really, really love them." Piper earns a thrown pillow for her sentiments, which nearly topples their coffee.

"Hey, remember?" Alex smirks at her. "You don't have to tell me until after I'm your wife."

"That joke is never going to get old."

"What ever happened to her?" Alex asks quietly.

"She's with her parents. There's a transition program they managed to get her into." Piper dips into her latte with just her little finger, swirling foam on it and licking at the sweet vanilla flavoring throughout. Then she bursts into laughter. "I got a vanilla swirl. In honor of almost having sex with you." She turns grinning at Alex who grabs the drink from her, takes a chug, and gives her a sloppy sweet kiss.

Then Alex laughs and leans in, kissing her gently again and again.

"You're so good to me." Piper whispers.

"Really? I got you thrown in jail." Alex rummages through the bag of croissant between them, avoiding Piper's eyes now.

"But what you did after. And what you did while we were in there together."

Alex just shrugs. Piper kisses her bare shoulder and settles against the headboard with a feeling of contentment.