2005
Sometimes Piper worried that she and Alex were living an elaborate illusion. And that things couldn't go on as they were. Vacations, parties, endless luxuries, passionate, endless lovemaking. Really. How could all of that last? But more than that, how could she see past it, to see herself or even to see Alex.
Alex was like a swirl of color at times. Lighting up Piper's day only to dim in the pale light of her computer and her bizarre work commitments.
There was an afternoon, when she let herself worry about their future together, and seriously knew—knew, instinctively—that they were never going to make this all work. There were going to be rough times ahead. It made her yearn for Alex even more.
Alex was out somewhere and Piper found herself taking a bath on her own just to soothe sudden fear. Afterward, she fell asleep on the bed in just her towel.
Halfway through her nap, Piper dreamt that she and Alex were on a beach. They were making love and the water was lapping at Piper's feet while Alex's tongue circled her clit. Piper kept looking back at the sky and wondering where it ended and why they were alone. She felt extra pairs of hands, not only Alex's, but someone else's. Someone else who had entered her life was also making love to her and goddammit if they weren't going to eventually replace Alex somehow…
When she awoke, she saw the top of Alex's head first. Her mouth was indeed on Piper's clit, sucking really, really gently.
Then Alex pulled away slowly, leaving cold space where there had been so much warmth.
"Noooo…don't go…" Piper moaned and shook. It felt very, very important for Alex to keep going.
"Oh, sorry, did you want me to continue?"
"Fuck you!" Piper moaned while Alex laughed.
"Be right back." Alex muttered against her belly.
"No, wait, please." Piper tried to grab at Alex's hands but the woman was damn slippery.
"I have to pee!" Alex shouted from the bathroom down the hall.
"You're a terribly selfish human being." Piper groaned and touched herself. Her clit was hard and she was soaked. She still felt uneasy from the dream. But Alex was back, maybe she could use sex to distract herself—to erase the dread.
When Alex returned, she paused and watched a moment before crawling onto the bed. "Yeah, more of that." She added with a smirk, "touch yourself. Show me how self-sufficient you can be."
"Pain in the ass." Smiling nervously, Piper said, "you're missing out, you know…" Self-sufficient. Right.
"Am I now?" Alex laughed. "I'll help you just in the nick of time. Keep going…" Her lips brushed over Piper's ear and she let her fingers trail over her thighs. Alex's arm slid behind Piper's shoulders, bringing her body closer in line with the woman splayed beside her.
Afterward, Piper held on as tightly as she could. Even as Alex slept, she gripped her around the waist and willed her fears to subside.
Prison Daze
Alex dreams that she's in the chapel again with Piper. She keeps teasing her lover, telling her what a bottom she is.
"A bottom?" Piper gives her the same look she'd given her through the window of the dryer when Alex got locked in.
"Yeah, a umm…pillow queen…" Alex scoffs at herself for being so stupid. But she keeps saying it, like she's testing Piper to take control—to be the one in control for once because goddammit, Alex is too terrified to function.
But then Piper grins like a Cheshire cat, lifts Alex onto the stage, and says something Alex can't hear.
"What?" Alex shouts. She's nervous. Scared. Piper pulls away and slowly starts to walk away. "No, please, wait, Piper I didn't mean it. I didn't mean to send you away. Please."
She's sobbing when she wakes. Someone whispers in the darkness that they'll send her to psych if she doesn't stop, so she clamps her mouth on her pillow and cries into it until the crazy feeling that her mind is slipping away—and that she'll never get the fuck out of this place—starts to give way to a cold rationality she might cling to.
2018
It's two weeks after New Years and Piper is working late on their store's invoices. Alex's imported art pieces and furniture have been augmented with Polly's soaps and they've started ordering in pottery from a particularly interesting studio in Vermont.
"Which is weird, right? The coincidences here?" Piper talks while she works and hums happily to herself as she takes note in a separate notebook, that they've received a high number of enquiries about the striking red decorative plates that the Vermont studio specializes in. She looks up to see Alex staring at her. At first, she smiles, charmed.
Then she sees the absolute terror in Alex's eyes and the shaking of her lower lip.
"Oh, hey, what is it?" Piper is next to her in a heartbeat. She palms the tops of Alex's feet, feeling how cold they are, and starts to rub warmth into them.
"N…n…n…nothing…" The last part hitches and Alex falls forward with a sob. A quiet, shaking, anguished cry—primal and heartbroken.
"Baby, please, baby…it's ok…I'm here…" Piper blinks, forces herself to focus on Alex's grief, whatever it is. She has work to do but…no, ok, ok, she has to focus. When Alex sees the distraction in her eyes, she lunges and holds on tightly.
They kiss. And it isn't as though they haven't kissed since Alex's release from prison, they have—a lot—but this feels different. Piper's lips slide sensuously against Alex's and she tries not to let the swipe of the other woman's tongue turn her on too much. Her hands steady them against Alex's face. It's about comfort. Not about sex. Certainly not about sex—not even when Alex lifts her own t-shirt off and moves off the window ledge, standing in front of Piper to strip fully.
"Oh wow. Ok…oh…ok…this is happening…" Piper nearly swoons from the rush of arousal against her clit, into her cunt, up through to the crown of her head. "Baby, are you ok? You have to tell me, because we have to make sure…mmmph!" Alex's lips are wet and insistent on her own again. Her tongue swipes the back of Piper's teeth, then she starts to suck on Piper's tongue, drawing a heated, helpless moan from the back of Piper's throat.
But for whatever reasons, Piper takes control. She feels like she has to, what with Alex flying apart at the seams right in front of her.
They end up in Piper's bed, where Piper pins Alex's hands above her head with one hand and strokes her with the other. She feels herself pressing so precisely and deliciously against Alex's mound, her own clit rock hard and twitching against the faint tickle of short hair. Bracing one hand beside Alex, she slips two fingers inside her lover. She fucks Alex carefully at first, then faster, grinding down with her palm and when Alex starts to moan her release, Piper grits her teeth and lets an orgasm take her over, humping briefly, almost embarrassingly wantonly, against Alex's hipbone.
"That…was that ok?" Piper asks breathlessly, head on the pillow next to Alex's. She's worried that they were supposed to do this differently somehow. With candles and wine and a romantic dinner.
"Yeah." Alex struggles to catch air. "That was perfect. Thank you." Her scent and the feel of her breath is so familiar that Piper stays close, shifts a little so less of her weight holds Alex down.
"Why are you smirking?" Piper asks, pulling back to look at her lover's face.
"Nothing. Just. Damn. You're such a top now." Alex bursts into laughter then, relaxing, almost as though something has left her. She's lighter somehow when Piper kisses her.
She can't stop touching Alex's sweaty, splayed out form. Especially her breasts. Piper gives a low groan and leans over to capture one nipple in her mouth while the other hand cups and caresses and each rounded curve. She can't stop moaning, moving back and forth with her tongue until Alex's arms fall to the side and she lets it happen.
And this isn't entirely ok. It's good. It's great, really. But it doesn't solve or settle anything.
Piper gets back to work half an hour later. She takes a quick shower first and then hunches over her invoices in just a towel while Alex makes them a late dinner of some kind of red sauce and pasta.
At one point Piper looks over her shoulder, watching the way Alex moves around in the small space. How she takes care to stir the sauce and how she cleans up after herself. Alex's eyes meet her and she smirks, about to say something sarcastic, when Piper blurts out,
"I love you. So much."
"Love you too, Pipes. Have some Puttanesca."
"What did you call me?" It's an old, silly joke, but it keeps Piper from bursting into irrational tears. She can't stop smiling at the realization—this is it. The punchline. The crescendo. They came through something major. And here they are.
"Here we are." Piper says at least part of it because part of it has to be shared with this woman she wants to share the rest of it all with.
They sit at the small table where Piper has her work spread out, and eat in amicable silence.
"Maybe we can have both." Alex says, forking a pile of noodles and sauce into her mouth and chewing happily.
"Both of what?"
At first, she doesn't say. But when they finish eating, she jumps up to clean their dishes. Then she tugs on Piper's arm and pushes her carefully down on the bed again. She laughs as her hands peel away the towel. "I'm going to get you pregnant. I've decided that we can have babies and go to Cambodia. We'll bring our babies to the beach."
"We may have to compromise on the drug use part of it all." Piper moans and arches as Alex strokes her clit just the way she likes it.
"I'm willing to compromise." Alex shrugs and spreads her fingers, stroking the length of her lover's clit, dipping down and into her opening, just enough to get her vibrating and panting.
"Me too." Piper gasps, trying to keep up with the conversation. She spreads her legs wide apart and grips Alex's wrist. "I'll have just the one. Unless you want one also."
"No fucking way…" Alex kisses her way down Piper's body, stopping at her breasts.
"Oh. But the world needs more of these perfect genes." Piper laughs but she's actually totally serious and it shows in the way she looks at Alex.