2004
Alex's voice floated from the hammock, where she lay with her legs splayed out on either side. "There's this little shop…we could go, we could get the greatest crème brûléeyou've ever had…and opium."
From her own perch, on a lovely teak chair, Piper peered over the spread of cheese and fruit and offered instead, "how about blue cheese tarts and those stuffed olives you love." She stretched, long and lean, then leapt to her feet and padded over to her girlfriend.
Her palm cupped Alex's face, feeling the energy there, the vibrating need. "And me." She added firmly. It wasn't easy getting into the hammock without flipping them, but she managed.
"You and blue cheese. Over opium." Alex pretended to weigh her options. Her fist flexed once, twice, then her hand relaxed and she slid an arm around Piper's shoulders, adjusting herself until Piper's head could relax on her chest. "I'll choose you." She decided.
They were at the Four Seasons in Seychelles, and they'd already spent days drinking tequila and fucking in their hotel room bed. Rarely did they venture out, but when they did, it was just to lounge on the beach where Alex made mental plans for upcoming jobs while watching Piper splash around in hat and thin cotton shirt, both of which were lost soon after in the waves, carried halfway down the beach before Piper had the presence of mind to chase after them. They threw their laundry in the hallway, even when it was damp with sweat and sex.
It wasn't easy fucking in a swinging hammock, but they managed.
"God, I love the way you smell…" Piper kept saying this, while Alex writhed below her, hips between spread thighs, mouth against sweaty tendrils of blonde hair.
She was high. Totally stoned and body buzzed. She loved it when Alex fucked her like this, rough and fast, making her cum with two fingers, thrusting rapidly against her g-spot, only to slow down and start the climb all over again—thumb on clit, rubbing in delicate circles, kissing Piper's mouth and neck.
They couldn't get enough of each other, it often seemed. Life was fast, awesomely so, and they were fleetingly youthful.
But of course this wasn't a vacation and Piper couldn't just have Alex all to herself.
"Don't leave me alone." When duty called Alex away for an overnight flight to someplace she wouldn't even talk about, Piper begged. "Stay with me this time."
This was the root of all their fights. Alex couldn't stand the feeling of being trapped. And Piper couldn't stand the feeling of being left. And even though they were doing neither of these things to one another, it just kept coming up.
Of course Alex brought back gorgeous jewelry, a bottle of Dom Perignon, and (best of all) herself, so Piper let it go pretty quickly. Still, she couldn't help but feel sort of stupid about her own neediness. And that just made it all worse, because she was sure that someday her fears wouldn't be so easily fixed.
Prison Daze
So yeah. She thinks back to those times with Piper because they're the best times she can remember having in this hell hole.
Like when they were sleeping together and she started to realize how much more she wanted from it all.
There was this time. They'd been fucking in the chapel. Again. And Piper was going on about Larry not calling her. By this point, Alex was pretty damned convinced that she was better for Piper than Larry could ever be, but she'd rather eat her glasses than say that out loud.
She was wiping her mouth on the inside of her shirt and watching Piper adjust her pants. Then Piper suddenly busts out with,
"He wasn't even sad when the pee stick was a negative."
"You thought you were pregnant?" Alex feels like her throat might close at the thought of that. Not of Piper pregnant—that is a surprisingly adorable thought—but of Larry getting her pregnant. Because fuck anybody who could do that one thing she couldn't. She plays it cool, thinks of some shithead thing to say about Piper going back to boys, but shuts up instead.
"Yeah. I wanted it to be true. Thought I'd come in here all knocked up. I probably wanted it for all the wrong reasons." Piper checks a stain on her shirt and grimaces. So much for the afterglow. What Alex wouldn't have given for a bed in that moment.
They didn't have a bed. Or a relationship. Or a place together. Not anymore. Because she'd chased Piper away. Piper had left her. For whatever reason, it made Alex want to cling to the woman.
Because they at least have this…this…whatever it is. Her arms around Piper's waist, her face buried in her hair. The smell of soap and sweat and sex. "You're going to be an awesome mom." Alex mutters.
"What did you say?" Piper asks. When Alex doesn't tell her, she just sighs and tightens her arms around Alex's back.
2018
They'd shoved Piper's bed against the window so that Alex could watch the sunrise while Piper slept in.
It's Wednesday morning, and Alex has a meeting with her probation officer, though is unusually quiet about it. When Piper wakes—groggy and disoriented because Alex's stress practically bleeds into the air—she tries to find out what's going on. But Alex just shoves down the sheets and initiates sex instead.
When Alex goes down on her, licking long, sensual lines through every part of her pussy, Piper keeps watching. "What's wrong?" She tries to ask, but then Alex does this thing with her tongue that makes her legs shake. It goes on awhile and Piper starts to get really loud, so she tugs her up, directing the same hand as before back to where it had been.
"Fine then, if you won't tell me…just fuck me harder." Piper growls, scratching her nails over Alex's butt then using one finger to knead the soft skin from Alex's perineum to her ass. Their tongues meet and intertwine, each swallowing a moan. Then Alex pulls away and takes a deep breath.
"Don't tell me how to do this, I know how to fuck you." Alex bites her chin and adds a third finger for emphasis and smirks at the green eyed woman rocking her hips furiously beneath her. Fuck. She has to grit her teeth and concentrate to keep from cumming when Piper reaches between them and starts stroking and flicking her clit in just the right way.
Piper smiles, rocks her hips, and pushes Alex over the edge, watching as she cries out hoarsely and thrusts her hips madly.
"…unnhhhh…" Alex mutters and moans against Piper's neck, struggling to recover.
They lay splayed out while they doze, Piper's legs far apart, her feet moving restlessly against the bed. Alex is curled against her, arm crossed against herself while her free hand drums on Piper's belly. Piper tries again. To ask what's wrong. What happened the last time she talked to her probation officer…
And Alex just sort of loses it. She starts mumbling about all the psychotic assholes who keep trying to throw her under the bus. And maybe they should give up the business for awhile. She breaks into a cold sweat and rushes for her clothes. "Don't worry," She throws on her coat and says, "I won't drag your WASP family into any more of my shit."
"Alex," Piper sighs. "I'm sure they're not…"
"Bye." She's out the door before Piper can finish.
Piper tries not to take it all too personally, she knows her girlfriend is stressed, but damn that one hurts. She gets up to make tea and toast and brings it back to bed, eying the phone. It's strange, but for a minute she feels as powerless as she once had felt in the SHU. The walls are too close. And her life is just…nothing. She's just nothing. All at once the shreds of self worth she'd struggled to pick up after prison, just spirals away.
Piper studies for the bar at a coffee shop that whole day. And it's weird, but swears she sees Pennsatucky outside in the rain at one point. Which is impossible. But she can see her, clear one moment, then gone.
The feeling she has reminds her of this one day. It was cold but it was Springtime. She had come home from school and immediately checked in on her mother. Her father was off on a business trip with his secretary in tow and her mother's response had been to drink a breakfast of Scotch and Valium before spending the day in bed. And she'd been sleeping so deeply when Piper checked on her, that it almost looked like she wasn't breathing at all. She had just poked her mother from afar, hoping to wake her quickly and then run to her room. It hadn't worked and she'd both been reprimanded for waking her. But the worst part wasn't any of that. It was the moment leading up to all of it, when, for a few seconds, Piper was sure her mother was dead and that she was all alone.
That night, she calls her mom and immediately regrets it. After they bicker about Alex, her mother says,
"Piper, don't let that temper of yours get the better of you." Her mother's usual tone is replaced with something tired sounding. "And I don't give a damn who you sleep with. But that woman has to answer for what she did to you."
When Alex doesn't call or come over that night—or the next day, or the day after that—Piper starts to think about the things she does over and over again. The things she does to keep herself from ever feeling as alone as she used to feel.
Prison Daze
She's got to let go of thinking that Piper Chapman is ever going to be a constant in her life. She'd let herself believe it before.
Alex had ended it, ok, fine—but it still never feels over with the woman.
"I chose him." Piper had said.
Because nobody chooses Alex if they're smart enough to realize what a losing bet she is.
2019
Alex disappears for six months.
Piper calls her brother for advice because she's too afraid to hear Polly say 'I told you so'.
"You just need to deal with this, the same way anyone else would deal with abandonment. Go out. Live your life, Piper." Cal's advice sticks. Because the alternative is to just drive herself insane, wondering where Alex is and whether she'll ever return.
Two weeks later, Piper receives a letter in the mail. There isn't a return address. The letter is short. It simply says, "all is well, don't wait up for me."
Piper remembers very well that Alex used to say those exact words, when she worked late and wanted Piper to go on to bed without her. Piper assumes (wrongly) that Alex is back in the business, touring around Europe somewhere…
"This isn't the Piper I remember." Polly tells her loudly over music neither knows. They're in a club, because…well, who knows why. They'd chosen it from a list of New York's hottest hangouts.
"I'm older now." Piper shouts back. "I have zero self-confidence!" She leans forward and screams, "I even looked at dating ads yesterday. They were terrible. I saw pictures of at least ten penises and five vag…" Polly clamps a hand over her mouth, wincing and laughing.
She studies for her bar exam for a full week. The first fail had just come at a bad time, she's sure of it.
She runs in Central Park. Then she signs up for a new yoga class.
Time churns along and she decides that it really was stupid to count on Alex again anyway. Life is too short. When Pete introduces her to his cousin, a hot younger woman who owns her own dance studio in Melbourne, she actually gets laid. It's not the best sex Piper has ever had, but it's fun and totally distracts her.
She goes out for four months straight after that, partying all over the city, sleeping with some leggy dark haired model from Madrid in a rooftop garden on the Upper East Side, and a dark haired tattooed ruby player from Ireland, and a couple who just got back from partying in Thailand and who lure her in with some really good mushrooms.
It's chaos. But she's ok with being alone when she's not on these random dates. Truth be told, she sees people maybe once a month. The rest of the time Piper spends studying or writing or working at the store.
Late one Friday night, when Piper is dressed to the nines in an off-the-shoulder little black dress and a pair of fuck-me boots that add two inches to her height, someone knocks on her door. Her life has already taken a fucking bizarre turn and she's two weeks from re-writing the bar and she isn't in the mood for anything weird.
It's not her date. It's Alex, who apparently is in the mood for something weird.
Because there she is, with her hair dyed dark red and her makeup done up in subtle tones, and a fucking argyle sweater. Piper just stares at her.
"Where the fuck have you been and why are you dressed like my grandmother?" She finally manages to ask before Alex steps inside.
"I had to testify against some people. The Feds knocked on my door at fucking midnight and made me leave without telling anybody." Alex talks fast once the door is closed. "I ditched the apartment. I've been in a tiny cottage in the fucking French countryside surrounded by guys with guns."
"You didn't leave me." Piper interrupts. Ok, that's a bit self-absorbed. But she can't help it.
Alex shakes her head slowly. "You going out?" She asks. "Can we talk later?"
"I have a date." Piper says numbly. "Had a date. What should I do? Should I just drop everything, when…" This time Alex interrupts her. She walks into her and they hug. Alex kisses Piper's cheek and it's like no time has gone by.
But then, as fast as it happens, it ends. Alex steps back, swiping at wet cheeks, and says shakily, "You have to go. I understand. Go on your date, have fun ok?"
"You can stay here if you want. Wait for me. Do not leave, ok?" Piper's eyes flash angrily. "I mean it."
It takes Piper longer to get to the restaurant than it takes to cancel. All she has to do is mention that her ex-girlfriend is waiting for her back in her apartment, and the date is finished.
Of course there's another small detail that might have ruined the date as well. But Piper isn't telling anybody what the pee stick told her two days previous. She curls up in the back of her cab and watches the city lights. When she walks up her steps, the simple act of unlocking the door and pushing her way inside is like crossing over into another world.
Alex can come and go and just do that—just change everything. Even the air Piper breathes. Goddammit. Her chest hurts and she's scared all over again. Scared and absolutely certain that Alex will leave when she finds out about this pregnancy.
When she walks back in, she sees Alex perched on the kitchen counter. They just stare at one another, both trying to reorient.
"You really look like someone from my neck of the woods now." Piper smirks.
"I'm really sorry, Pipes. I honestly didn't want to drag you in again. I didn't mean…" Alex falters when Piper's hand strays to her belly.
Piper mutters, "I slept with someone." She pauses and adds. "More than one someone."
"Are you ok?" Alex means it. She's not jealous sounding at all. Just concerned.
"I need a bath." Piper walks past her, unzipping her dress as she goes.
Half an hour later, Alex comes into the room with a mug of tea and sits beside the tub.
"So what now?" Piper huffs, washing suds and warm water over her breasts. Her nipples feel like they're aching for Alex already. Traitors.
"I'm doing janitorial and laundry at a rehab facility." Alex laughs ruefully. "Part of this new deal. I'm supposed to be looking at the faces of the people I ruined with my product."
"I slept with a guy." Piper interrupts.
"So?" Alex looks confused. "I mean obviously? What do you want me to say?"
"So…you were always sensitive about all of that…"
"Did you like it?" Alex seems oddly concerned about this point.
"Not really." Piper is shocked at the look of disappointment on Alex's face. She rushes to add, "Except when I imagined you, actually."
"Oh yeah?" Alex sort of bites her cheek and ducks her head. When Piper's hand touches the top of her head, tentative and soothing at once, Alex meets her eyes.
And her smirk.
"Piper Chapman!" Alex squeaks, incredulous, amazed, at the woman's audacity. So Alex removes the hand touching her and sits back.
Piper shakes her head. "This isn't some whim, Alex. I've wanted to have a child and I think I've worked hard to figure out my shit. I've earned this chance, to show someone this life, to love somebody unconditionally, to give them all that I can so that their adventure is a good one."
"Of course, I mean that wasn't…what I was thinking…" She trails off, her eyes glued to Piper's stomach. "I know you want a kid. I guess it's good I took off, huh."
"No, it isn't good. Don't do it again." Piper's hand closes around Alex's wrist. "I'm ok now."
"Ok with what?"
"Ok with being alone. I'd just rather not. I'd just rather be with you." Piper holds on but keeps some distance still. "How was France? Whatever you had to do?" She asks.
"Well. It wasn't the worst time of my life but I'd say it ranked close to second."
"The first being…"
"My mom dying. You walking out." Alex shrugs. "I had a lot of time to think about you. To think about that day."
The past is past. And still, Alex is here. Piper closes her eyes and sinks lower. Then she mumbles, "This water is cold."
"It's really late." Alex makes her way to her knees. "Do you want me to leave or do you want me to sleep here?"
"Where do you have to go?"
"It's a safe place. I'm fine. But I can't bring you there. As soon as I get a place I can show you, I will." Alex promises. She really is ready to go again. Her jacket is on and everything. Green, military style, but really stylish. Nothing from a thrift shop or anything.
And Piper just can't let it happen. Can't let Alex just walk in and out of her life like this.
"You're too slippery. Stay here tonite." She gets up and lets the water run off of her while Alex turns and grabs her a towel. When she turns back, her eyes trail over Piper's shoulders and up again, gazing at her with so much love it makes Piper's heart race.