I need your help. At the moment I'm not sure if I should keep Sirius alive or not. Same goes for Dumbledore although I feel he should die. His death was kind of necessary for the plot and Snape and Harry getting to know each other better wouldn't change this independent subplot. I'm trying to keep this as authentic and close to the books as I possibly can. Also I think Snape's getting too nice. Part of what made him such a great spy was that really no one knew his true loyalties besides Dumbledore.

Well… Read, enjoy and review. I don't own anything.

The next morning Harry woke up early and was surprised to be well rested. He repeated the breathing exercise and went for breakfast with Hermione and Ron. He enjoyed a Snape free day and learned for his exams. Whenever his thoughts returned to Snape or the Ministry of Magic he thought of his broom and occluded his mind.

For the first time in what felt like an eternity he felt good. He had no nightmares, no headache and his Occlumency and potion skills were finally improving. Maybe his O.W.L.S. would even be good enough to become an Auror after school.

Umbridge hadn't given him any detentions lately and Snape seemed to be in a rather good mood too or rather in a less foul mood than usual. At least he didn't torture him as much as he used to. He still wasn't particularly fond of his professor and quite unsure about where his true loyalties lay but he started to understand him a little; although it seemed like the little understanding he had gained made him understand the Death Eater even less. It was a bit confusing but at the moment he was feeling good and could finally concentrate on his O.W.L.S.

While the young Gryffindor enjoyed his day, an older Slytherin was in the headmaster's office.

"Severus, my dear boy, take a seat. Care for a lemon drop?"

Snape politely declined.

"Well, well. How are Harry's Occlumency lessons going?"

He sighed. The headmaster knew exactly how they were going. And what they had talked about.

"He's getting better," he finally said and watched the headmaster suspiciously. He knew what the old man was getting at but he wouldn't make it easy for him.

"And you have told him about yourself and Lily?"

Snape frowned. "Not all of it."

"Why? You were never really fond of the boy. Have you finally seen how much of his mother lives on in him?"

He hated to talk about Lily's death. "Maybe I misjudged him. He is most definitely not as horrible as his father used to be."

A few seconds nobody said anything.

"Have you, after all this time, started to care for the boy?" Dumbledore eventually asked.

Severus looked at the headmaster but didn't answer.

"It is nice that you finally see Harry as more than just the son of James, but if you wish to truly protect him, you must once more distance yourself from him," the headmaster said and his usually light voice became heavy and serious.

Severus didn't say anything. There was nothing he could say. The headmaster's words rang true. No one was supposed to know that much about him; at least no one that couldn't at least protect themselves from mind magic and resist torture, like Dumbledore and, to some extent, Lupin. And Potter was most certainly not supposed to trust him.

His role over the last 16 years had been and still was extremely sensitive and required master espionage and image-control skills. As many of his actions, even in the classroom, would be reported on by Death Eater spies or gained through torture and legilimency. Even if Snape's true mentality and intentions were inaccessible to the Dark Lord, he had to consider every decision and relationship carefully. He had treated Harry with maximal coldness and never missed an opportunity to cause him trouble, and any variation from this would cast suspicion on him in Voldemort's eyes.

Admittedly, the strong resemblance to his father had made it easy to hate the boy over all these years.

In reality, of course, he had protected Harry on numerous occasions. In a way neither side would notice.

Still, he had let his guard down twice and now Lupin and Harry knew things they shouldn't have known. With his connection to the Dark Lord Harry was a liability. If the Dark Lord saw the conversations they had had…

Severus was not a good man. He had never claimed to be one. And he didn't enjoy company much. He mostly kept to himself and didn't mind. But some days he just felt tired, exhausted and – although he would never admit it – lonely. No one really trusted him and he was sure he would not survive the war. But it didn't bother him much because if the Dark Lord was defeated he had nothing left to live for. He had made many mistakes that were still haunting him to this very day and oftentimes kept him awake at night. And he had no one he could talk to besides Dumbledore.

Snape trusted him and would do everything for the old man but Dumbledore had his own ways of keeping people at a distance. The order members and the students, especially Potter, trusted him with their lives but no one was particularly close to the old man. He knew everything that was going on but didn't tell others much.

They were in some respects very much alike. Hardly anyone knew anything about them.

Snape had to admit that it had felt good to finally tell someone about his misery and have a conversation in which he wasn't suspected of being a spy for the other side or insulted. It felt great to have someone, just for a short time, that didn't think he was a despicable human being that deserved to suffer or die. And the boy had given him, when he had apologized, the feeling, if only for a second, that someone in this world cared for him and his well being.

But that wasn't his job, it wasn't who Professor Severus Snape was. He was just supposed to provide the Dark Lord with enough information to keep his trust while protecting Potter and providing the Order with all the information he could get.

It was tricky as he also had to avoid becoming too aware of Voldemort's plans, to avoid being held responsible for allowing Harry and his friends to foil them.

So far he handled all this brilliantly, and his every action created no mistrust on the part of Voldemort.

Well he had handled everything brilliantly until the boy had looked inside his Pensieve.

At least he was getting better at Occlumency, but Snape needed to get the boy to hate and mistrust him as much as he used to again or the Dark Lord, when he noticed their connection at last, would know whose side Severus really was on.

He sighed and looked at the headmaster. Albus was of course right and he agreed to distance himself once more, although he wasn't sure if the boy would let him after he had let slip the information about his friendship with Lily.