Orange and yellow streams of light stream out from the Atari console. The boys appear in a fiery swirl of the orange and yellow streaming haze. The haze dissipates and the lights in Maphesto's experiments room light back up. They all sit there with blank looks on their faces as the affects of the bacon shakes wear off. Maphesto walks over and shuts off the Atari console. Steadily each of them comes to and then throws up the bacon shakes.
"Oh, man, now I totally know what it's like to be a super model. I should totally like can my hurl and sell it on eBay and say it came from Kate Moss," says Eric.
"Ohhh…" Kyle raises his head from barfing and looks around. He sees Chef and blurts out loudly, "chef!"
Stan comes to, "Huh? Chef! Oh my God – it worked!"
"Kenny! We got Chef! Kenny?" says Kyle.
Maphesto comments, "I'm sorry, boys, but Kenny didn't make it…"
Stan exclaims, "Oh my God – you killed Kenny!"
Kyle follows up, "You ba-"
Maphesto interrupts him, "… in time to see you come back; he's still in the bathroom."
"Oh. Well, I guess nobody is a bastard," says Kyle.
"Where am I, children?" asks Chef, who has come out of the bacon shake daze.
"You're in the future, Chef!" Kyle exclaims happily.
"Yeah, you didn't die!" Stan also exclaims.
Eric then jumps in, "Yeah, we totally let that clone of you eat it. It's not morally or ethically wrong to do that yet, though we may have broken new ground."
"Damnit, children, you tricked me."
Stan says to Eric, "Man, I can't believe I'm saying this, but I can't believe we actually found a use for your fat boy tits."
Eric responds, "You're welcome."
Kyle replies to Chef, "We had to – we couldn't let you die, Chef. And now you haven't. Now you can continue leading a full life."
Butters also speaks up, "That's right, Chef person. Why, ah, if God wants you dead, you'd be dead right now. Maybe his plans were different after all."
Kenny walks over quickly to the table and sees Chef, "Woo hoo!"
"No, no, no – this is a dream; I'm dreaming!" Chef stands up and runs away.
One of the large wooden front doors to Maphesto's place flies open and Chef runs out. He looks around and stops as the boys come running up to him. Chef looks up and around at the sunny sky and chirping birds. They stop a few feet behind him, while Maphesto watches from the doorway.
"We told you," says Kyle.
"Oh my sweet Jesus – I am alive," says Chef.
"You can now do whatever you want," says Stan.
"So, what do you want?" Kyle asks Chef.
"Just don't say Reese's peanut butter covered Whoppers, 'cause Kyle totally screwed that up!" Eric says angrily.
"Yeah, what do you want?" Butters asks Chef.
Chef thinks for a few seconds, then answers, "I wanna see my mom and dad. Gonna take a whole heap of explaining."
Kyle and Stan look at each other, "Aaaggghhhhh…."
.
In the next scene we see Maphesto waiting in his car as Chef stands in a graveyard. He looks down with tears in his eyes at the tombstones of his mom and dad; next to them his tombstone, shaped like a big Chef's hat.
"We didn't know how to tell you," Kyle says to Chef.
"Take my home, children – I need to be alone for a while."
"We can't," says Stan.
"Why?" Chef asks.
Stan replies, "You sold your house to move away and join that Super Adventure Club."
"Do I have anything left?" Chef asks.
Kyle answers, "No, they auctioned off your stuff your parents kept, then trashed the rest."
"I have nothing. Everyone I ever loved is dead, everything I ever owned is gone; all my precious memories and photographs , in a garbage dump somewhere … I have nothing," Chef says.
"Why, you have us," says Butters.
"And everyone in town," says Kyle.
"Town? I abandoned them, quit my job and flew away to join a bunch of fruitcake child molesters. I can't go back."
"We'll vouch for you, Chef," says Stan.
"And with our help, over time we'll un-brainwash you," says Kyle.
"Oh my God – I'm a sex pervert! They'll never trust me around childrens ever again. They'll always be lookin' out with one eye, saying one thing, thinkin' in the back of their heads another."
"Chef, what are you saying?" Kyle asks him.
"Children, I don't belong here anymore. I'm a relic of the past. The town's moved on without me, it don't need me no more. Someone else's got my job, got my house. I'm dead and buried as far as they're concerned."
"We need you, Chef," says Kyle.
"You don't need me anymore, children. You're getting' older now, figuring' stuff out on your own; soon you'll be makin' sweet love to as many women as possible," he looks at Butters, "or men."
"Huh?" says Butters.
"And I know it sounds weird, but you'll start talking with your parents and growing up. Soon you'll be really big childrens."
"But we want you in our lives. What if there's something we can only ask you about?" says Kyle to Chef.
"You got by all this time when I was dead," Chef replies back.
"I guess…" Kyle says as they follow Chef back to Maphesto's car.
"Children, hold me in your hearts and your memories, and I'll never die – I'll always be there. My time has come and gone."
"What do you want us to do?" asks Eric.
"You don't want us to take you back in time and let you die, do you?" Kyle asks Chef, still in shock.
"What? Oh, hell no – I'm not falling down no ravine to my death and shitting my pants in front of everyone. No, my clone can handle that part."
"Then what?" Stan asks.
"Hum … I'm not really sure," Chef responds.
They close the doors once back in the car.
Maphesto speaks up, "I know what to do," Maphesto starts his car and drives away.
.
The sun starts to set in South Park. On the outskirts of town alongside a highway road, Maphesto's car sits on a shoulder.
Chef stands in fresh cloths and his beard shaven off. He holds a tall cup of bacon shake in a hand.
"Are you sure this will work?" Chef asks Maphesto.
"Absolutely. All you have to do is drink the whole thing and your long term memories will be erased. You will cease to be Jerome McElroy and remember nothing of your previous life."
Chef looks at the bacon shake, contemplating one last time.
"No Chef! Don't do it!" says Kyle, saddened and with tears forming in his eyes.
"Children, my minds already made up."
"But we have a problem," says Stan.
"Now, children, I thought I told you…" he looks around at their innocent faces, "ah, hell, one more for old time's sake."
"Our school lunches suck!" Eric blurts out.
"Yeah, they're really bad now," says Kyle.
"Why bad?" asks Chef.
"They're fucking Michelle Obahma-approved lunches full of flavored cardboard and shit and they won't allow us to pack our own lunches," says Stan.
"Well, don't eat it," says Chef.
Kyle answers, "We've tried, but they keep serving it and we're forced to take a tray."
"Children, there's always gonna be people in your life who wanna control you, tell you what to do, what to eat, always think they know better than you and that they can legislate human nature. But usually they're little puissant fucktards who know jack-shit and don't even live the way they try to force on you. But if you take a stand, you can beat them; maybe not now, tomorrow, or even ten years from now. Why, your forefathers dumped tea into the harbor to pretest over taxation and tyrannical laws from the King of England. Never forget, children: don't take no crap from nobody. You take a stand and others will follow. Did that help?"
"Yeah, I kinda think it did. Thanks, Chef," says Kyle.
"No problem," he raises the bacon shake to his mouth.
"Wait, I have a question," says Butters.
"Yes?"
"What's a rusty venture?"
"Oh, well that's when you're so old you try to masturbate but it's covered in rust from sitting around with no use, so you oil it up and masturbate and it turns all rusty in color. Good-bye, children," Chef then starts gulping down the bacon shake.
"Good-bye, Chef!" says Stan.
"We love you!" Kyle follows.
"Yeah!" Kenny adds.
"Come on, boys, let's get out of here before he comes out of it and sees us," says Maphesto.
They rush over and climb into Maphesto's car. Maphesto starts it, then makes a U-turn in the highway and drives back into town. Kyle looks out the back window with a tear running down his face from a eye.
"God be with you, Chef."
.
The sun shines down brightly on South Park Elementary from up above in the afternoon sky of the next day. Once again the boys find themselves in the line for lunch, holding the trays.
Stan moves up next in line to be served, "Hey, lunch dude."
The lunch guys looks up again, "Oh, you again. So, what'll it be today? Not that you actually have a choice," he snickers a little.
"Oh, doesn't matter to me – it's all going in the fucking trash anyway," Stan replies.
"You wouldn't dare," says the lunch guy.
"Watch me," Stan retorts.
"You just bought yourself a whole lot of trouble," says the lunch guy.
"Eh," Stan shrugs, then trashes his tray of food when he moves forward to the trash can.
"Hey, I'm not done with you!" the lunch guy yells out.
Kyle walks over to Stan, casually dumping his tray of food in the trash as well, "Are you okay?"
Stan speaks up so everyone in line can hear, "No, I'm not okay. I mean, I tried to be okay, but she doesn't want me to be okay. She doesn't want any of us to be okay. You know why? Because she's not okay!"
"Kid, I told you not to walk away from me!" the lunch guy yells.
"I'm walkin' away from this stinkin' lousy food," Stan turns to leave.
The lunch guy speaks up, "That was a wonderful performance, kids, but if any of the rest of you are considering joining them, may I point out there's one line to this cafeteria: one that feeds and one that doesn't."
Kenny dumps the food off his tray into the trash. Eric does the same, followed by Butters. Now emboldened, one-by-one each kid trashes their food after being served, then places their trays in the tray slot holder.
Stan looks at the lunch guy, "I guess we're not gonna eat her approved food today or any other day, lunch dude," and with that he turns around again and leaves as every single student trashes their Michelle Obahma-approved lunches.
"Agh!" the lunch guy angrily flails about.
As the five of them exit the serving room area, back into the main lunch room floor, every single student trashes their food, with not a single one walking away with a tray of food.
"I guess Chef was right. And maybe it is time for us to grow up a little bit," says Kyle.
"Why, yeah; I feel empowered. Emboldened even," says Butters with a little triumph.
"If you parents find out you're trashing your lunch, they're gonna ground you until you're like fifty," Eric says, squashing whatever bit of freedom Butters briefly had.
"Maybe not so empowered now," says Butters.
Stan speaks up, "You know what, guys? It's gonna be tough, but I think we'll be okay."
They head for the door outside, to begin recess early.
Eric comments, "Yeah. Thanks, Chef, where ever you are…"
.
The view fades to an old faded highway road somewhere way outside South Park. Alongside the highway, Chef thumbs for rides. A light shadow of facial hair and a backpack over his shoulder, he continues walking as cars pass by him and the piano theme from "The Incredible Hulk" TV series, by Joseph Harnell - The Lonely Man - plays.
.
-THE END-