A/N: I think I accidentally gave Feliciano an anxiety disorder. My bad. I have it so it just slipped in. More of the Trigger Warnings are about to start applying.

Chapter 5

Colly Strings

Feliciano was happy to see his grandpa, who had just arrived from his incoming flight from Rome. Roderich had gone to pick him up from the airport while Feliciano and Lovino stayed with Elizaveta at the house. Lovino grumbled about how much his rental car was going to cost by the end of this, yet wouldn't listen to Feliciano when he said he didn't have to stay so long after the funeral.

Grandpa entered the house, followed by an irritated Austrian, carrying all of the elder's bags. The Italian brothers immediately flocked to their grandfather, hugging and cheek-kissing while muttering greetings and sorrows in Italian.

"My little Feliciano, you've gotten so big," he said lightly pinching his grandson's soft cheek carefully, noting the random bandages and bruises. He internally sighed at the sight. "And Lovino, you're even taller than last time! My grandbabies really are growing up!"

Lovino narrowed his eyes. "I'm twenty-two, Nonno. I am grown!"

The elder chuckled, always enjoying getting a rise out of his angry grandchild. He stayed with the boys, catching up, while Elizaveta and Roderich watched from the kitchen. It hit them that this was their only family—those three seemed to only have each other.

Lovino turned to his grandfather, muttering that the funeral will be Friday and how Roderich already offered him to stay there with them until he had to leave again. Feliciano visibly saddened at the reminder of the funeral and his nonno leaving.

A few hours later it was time for Feliciano's newfound, and highly loved, siesta. Lovino had taken up the act years prior, though Feliciano couldn't due to always being at school, work, or home (where he would be promptly yelled at for wasting time napping when it was daylight out). The youngest Italian limped to his room, excusing himself as he did so. The bed was unmade from when he and Lovino woke up earlier that day and his toes were aching along with his head, so he took the medicine Roderich left for him and curled up as much as he could, given the bruises hurt like a bitch.

Lovino peaked in the room, seeing his brother was already fast asleep. He quietly closed the door and joined the adults in the office, where Elizaveta and Roderich had been filling in the old man on what had happened recently.

"…just showed up in the shop, bleeding," Roderich was saying. "It was his day off. We had to take him to the hospital afterward and we didn't know his address, so we kept him here to rest."

Elizaveta nodded, tearing up at the recent memory. "We took him back home the next day and the police came… informing us of what had happened."

Lovino cringed, thinking of the wreck of a house they had. Christ, and Feliciano let them see the inside of it, too? And the police saw? Good god, how haven't they taken Feliciano away yet?

Grandpa sighed, leaning into his folded hands. "And… how did they… how did my figlio die?"

Roderich sighed, quietly telling the Italian man of when he went to the police station and spoke about the Vargas's deaths and the arrangements to be made regarding Feliciano, who was a minor and, now, an orphan. He recalled the past couple days of running around and filling out paperwork and talking to officials about what would be done. His hair was ready to go white at all the unanticipated stress.

And by the door Lovino stood quietly, wanting to hear, wanting to know what they'll have to do regarding his brother. He had been with him most of the time he was there and didn't even know how his parents died. He gasped lightly when Roderich finally announced it had been a car accident.

They had been driving drunk and drove into a ravine. They didn't hurt anyone else, which Lovino was thankful for, but they were still dead.

"The coroner report," Roderich interrupted his thoughts. "Read that they were over the legal limit. Your… your son was dangerously so. They said it would have been quick. Very little… suffering… They probably slept through it…"

Lovino didn't know what came over him. He felt so much in this moment. He was angry they got to die quickly, painlessly, while all they did was fill his and Feliciano's own lives with suffering. He was also relieved they didn't suffer through it—they were his parents and they were once loving. Those happier days flooded back to him, reminding him of the Christmas he and Feliciano got their first bikes or the birthday they all went to the circus. Why was it getting hard to remember why he hated them?

He looked straight at the ceiling, near the lighting, trying to will away the tears threatening to spill over. No. he couldn't break down, not over them and not here. If his papà was there he'd—

"Lovino, honey, are you okay?" That gentle voice of Elizaveta brought him back down to earth. He looked at her through his tear-muddled eyes and realized how warm his face felt. He didn't know if he was blushing from embarrassment or if he was showing signs of how upset he was.

She reached over to him, lightly pulling him in for a hug. He stood awkwardly as she embraced him. Memories flooded back to when he was five and fell off the swing at the park, how his mamma had hugged him until he stopped his crying.

That was the final straw before he began crying, much like his brother would whenever their parents were mentioned. He held tightly onto her, burying his head in her shoulder. Nonno stood and joined them, holding onto Lovino and muttering things that had to have been Italian.

The next room over, Feliciano laid awake in bed, eyes wide open, shocked to hear his brother breaking down. Even Lovino was shaken by this. It took all he could to not make noise as he sobbed into his own pillow, trying so hard to fall back asleep.

Feliciano missed over a week of school following his parents' deaths. It was the day of the funeral and he tried to distract himself with thoughts of what homework he'd have or how much time it'll take to make up. His thought strayed to the looks he would inevitably receive, the pitiful looks and the condolences he didn't want.

"Hey, fratello, get your shoes on. We have to go soon."

Feliciano glanced up at his brother, who was in the doorway, fiddling with his black tie. The younger painstakingly bent down to get the black leather shoes Roderich was loaning him, pulling them from under the bed. He cringed while trying to put them on until Lovino scoffed, bending down to do it for him.

"You're seventeen and you still need help putting shoes on. Lazy bastard." Feliciano giggled, happy his brother was pretending they weren't about to head to a funeral. It was easier to pretend when everyone else did it with him.

They then trudged to the living room, where Ludwig had been waiting with their grandfather. He was the exact person Feliciano needed, strong and safe and there. He actually skipped school for the funeral. As Feliciano would find out, quite a few of his friends skipped school to show support and attend the small ceremony.

They drove in silence until they reached the church. The rest of the day dragged on, heavy and ethereal. Feliciano did his best to hide his receding limp and was thankful he didn't look too banged up anymore. Alfred and Matthew approached him with gentle hugs and in the background he could faintly hear the Spanish accent of Antonio's mixing with Lovino's own words.

Antonio was Lovino's roommate, who had driven down the few hours to be there for them. The church was filled with mostly friends of the brothers, and only a few actual family members who were distant.

The service went on and Lovino and Feliciano sat together with their nonno, all crying and sobbing but trying their best to keep it tame (with no such luck). They moved on to the church grounds where the matching caskets were being lowered into the ground in side-by-side plots. In his peripheral vision Feliciano could swear he saw Antonio holding onto Lovino's hand.

Ludwig stood by the young Italian, giving in and hugging him while he quietly watched the Vargas parents lowered down. Feliciano managed to stay quiet as they were buried and left his life forever. The funeral faded out and they all went home. Matthew and Alfred gave Feliciano and Lovino goodbye hugs and sympathetic looks before they walked away. Antonio mumbled some words to Lovino and joined him in going back to Roderich's home.

Feliciano couldn't sleep that night. He was alone in his bed for the first time in a week; Lovino opting to sleep on the couch (where Antonio was staying, mooching for the night) and Nonno was in the other guest room. It was late and everyone would be far asleep by now. He absentmindedly rubbed his eyes, tears completely dried up.

He sat for a moment, thinking of how he would spend the next few hours if he couldn't sleep. It was maddening to think he was so incredibly exhausted, yet couldn't sleep. Then he remembered the medicine. It always made him out of it, and his head was getting sore from all his movement against the pillow.

So Feliciano took the bottle, struggling momentarily with the child safety in the dark before he finally got to the prize inside. As he expected it made him groggy and he finally passed out against the sheets, wishing he could sleep forever.

A/N: Shh. Only dreams now.

"Colly Strings" by Manchester Orchestra

You said you saw it coming but you didn't see nothing,

Your eyes are on the living room your eyes are on the closet,

Don't worry about, don't worry about anything

I'll stick it at our skin, pierced for something

Besides, don't release me until it's over

And besides, you can't believe without bleeding

And besides, you can't believe without bleeding