Chapter 13

Brother

The waiting room of the hospital smelled like a dentist office. It was so heavy in cleanliness that it was disgusting. Ludwig sat with Gilbert, leaning on him, eyes cast down to the floor. Across from them sat the twins, both mortified and trying their best to be quiet in their crying. They were holding hands and soothing each other.

There was a loud banging down the halls and Elizaveta and Roderich rushed into the room like they were embodied storms. Elizaveta rushed to Ludwig, eyes wide with fear.

"What happened?" she begged. "What happened to Feli?"

Ludwig swallowed thickly and turned his puffy eyes to the woman. He was about to speak when a weak sob escaped his lips instead. He hung his head low in a mixture of shame and absolute defeat. Gilbert placed a hand on his back and used the other to motion to the adults to sit by him.

The albino spent the next few minutes quietly telling them what happened, how the doors were locked, how they broke them down, how they saw a bleeding and suffocating Feliciano surrounded by pills.

How he wouldn't breathe.

Elizaveta gasped and held onto Roderich, who was doing his best to stay calm for her. They still hadn't been updated on how he was doing. The worst part of this waiting was not knowing if he survived his attempt. When the EMT men took him away they wouldn't let anyone else come, stating it was family-only. They had to drive themselves and force happy conversation so Gilbert didn't lose it and wreck the car.

The hardest thing Ludwig had ever done was call Elizaveta at work.

"You need to get to the hospital, Feli's hurt."

He shuddered at the memory.

"We don't know if he'll make it…"

Gilbert shuffled at his side and pulled a phone from his pocket. He quietly said to anyone listening, "I'm going to tell Lovino. We didn't call him yet."

Everyone was grateful for the albino taking the responsibility. He clicked through his phone and landed on Antonio's number. The Spaniard picked up almost immediately.

"Buenas tardes!"

"Hey, Toni."

"What's wrong? You sound sad."

"Something happened. Lovino needs to come back to town. You, too."

"What? What happened?" In the background Gilbert could hear muffled calls for Lovino to come.

"There was… some unfortunate occurrences…"

The phone crackled and Lovino's voice replaced Antonio's. "What happened? Stop being so fucking cryptic. What's wrong?"

"It's Feliciano."

Lovino paused. "Is my fratello… is he dead?"

Gilbert looked up at the lights and tried to blink away the forming tears.

"Why aren't you answering?"

He wiped a tear away.

"Fucking answer me, goddamn it!"

With the weakest voice anyone had ever heard from the albino, he whispered, "I don't know."

On the other end Antonio took the phone back as Lovino sank to his knees and began sobbing into his hands. "We'll be there by tomorrow."

"He's in the hospital," Gilbert added. "We all are."

"Text me the name of it. I have to go get ready."

After the phone call was done he hung his head and started crying weakly, much like his brother next to him. It was bad enough Feliciano was possibly dead, even worse that it was self-inflicted—but it was absolutely heartbreaking to hear Lovino breaking down when Antonio took the phone back. He already lost his parents and now his brother?

Lovino sat in the passenger seat with a box of tissues and a blanket, both things Antonio made him bring for naps and cries. It was dark out and they had been driving for almost two hours already. The Italian stared lifelessly out the window and was so quiet it was unnerving.

"He'll be okay," Antonio said in a hushed tone.

"If he dies, I'm going next," Lovino whispered.

"Don't say that."

Lovino put his head against the window and sniffled.

"Get some sleep, mi amor. I'll put on some music for you. You like lullabies." It was disconcerting to see Lovino didn't even scowl at the lullaby crack. He put his eyes back on the dark road and blindly hit the radio buttons.

"Sleep now, under my skin.

Make sure you try to conjure the wind and ease my mind."

Lovino held the box of tissues close and tightened the blanket around his shoulders.

"Somebody call out to your brother! He's calling out your name!

Hiding under the covers with no one else to blame.

You couldn't help out your own neighbor, you couldn't tell it to his face,

You were fucked up by the blame."

Antonio hit the radio button again, muttering "I don't really like this song," before changing it. Hopefully to a song less about brothers.

After an eternity of driving they were pulling up to the hospital Gilbert had texted to them. They walked in, Lovino still wrapped in his blanket, finding the waiting room full of Feliciano's friends. It was almost two in the morning and most of the guests were asleep in the uncomfortable chairs. Ludwig, however, was still awake. He glanced up at the duo and they sat down with them. Lovino used his free hand to hold onto Antonio's for dear life.

"What happened?" Lovino asked in a tired and defeated voice. It amazed Ludwig how alike the brothers sounded when they were depressed.

"Suicide attempt," he simply said, sparing the awful details.

"Who found him?"

"I did."

Lovino turned his blurry green eyes to the blonde. "I'm glad it was you. If he… if he makes it, he'll be happy to know it was his best friend."

It wasn't until past three that a nurse came out to alert them of the situation. Ludwig nudged Gilbert awake, who woke up the Edelsteins in turn. Alfred and Matthew woke up from the commotion and the eight of them all watched the nurse with intense stares that demanded answers.

She turned to Elizaveta and Roderich. "Are you his guardians? The Edelsteins?"

"Yes," they replied simultaneously.

"The good news is he's alive and we've got him stable."

Roderich cleared his throat. "And the bad news?"

"He'll have to stay here for a while. To recover from his physical injuries and to spend time in the psych ward."

"Psych ward?" Lovino sputtered. "The fuck for?"

"He's Feli's brother," Elizaveta quickly told the nurse.

The nurse looked at the papers in her hands. "We keep patients who attempt suicide for a few days to ensure they don't hurt themselves again."

Lovino's face fell. He hated the confirmation. He hated that his brother would do this to himself. The nurse announced family could visit him if they wanted, which led to the three crowding around her to find out where the room was.

Ludwig watched as Lovino, Elizaveta, and Roderich walked away and out of sight. He was just happy Feliciano was alive. Alfred and Matthew both stood up and announced they were going to head home and come back to visit when it wasn't family-only. They said their goodbyes and Alfred cursed when he saw the missed calls from his parents on his phone.

Meanwhile Lovino was standing by his brother's bed, watching his pale brother sleep. Elizaveta was gently stroking Feliciano's hair from the other side of the bed and Lovino felt sick at the sight of the bandages and IV lines and restraints. Christ, he had a breathing mask.

A silent tear slipped down his cheek as he grabbed Feliciano's hand, careful to avoid the IV. "Fratello…"

He never thought he'd love the sound of his little brother's breathing until now. To see that gentle face relaxed and asleep without a care in the world was amazing. Poor Feliciano couldn't catch a break; he was never safe, even from himself.

Lovino refused to leave his brother's side after that. The nurse was understanding and brought over a chair from the side of the room for him, which he took gratefully. Elizaveta and Roderich decided Lovino would be enough for Feliciano to wake up to, and they knew how panicked he could get, so they quietly left the room and rejoined the waiting room.

"Lovi's staying with Feli tonight," Elizaveta told Antonio. With that the remaining worried people sat together and fell asleep.

Everything was warm. Warm and soft and felt amazing. Was he dead? Is this death? He should have died earlier! Feliciano felt content with himself at that moment, but that moment ended abruptly when he registered his right hand—the hand that felt warm and somewhat sweaty.

Then the annoying constant beeping.

Then the air blown into his face.

He groaned internally; he wasn't dead. He was most certainly alive and most certainly disappointed. What was even happening? Where was he? Was that a phone beeping, or a microwave?

The hand holding his shuffled but never let go. He heard the grumbling of his older brother, something he used to hear daily before he moved out.

"Goddamn it, fratello," he whispered. "You better wake up." There was a weakness in his voice Feliciano had never heard before, even when his parents beat them. Was that a sniffle? Was Lovino crying?

Lovino tightened his hold on the hand and sobbed for a moment, only stopping when he heard the raspy reply:

"Okay."

He stared wide-eyed at his brother, who watched him with droopy eyes from the medicine they were pumping into him. There was a small, sheepish smile on the younger's face and Lovino hugged him roughly, crying, "You fucking smartass!" He hugged him so tightly and so anxiously. Feliciano wanted to reciprocate but found he couldn't lift his arms.

Lovino parted with him and hit a call button to bring the nurse back. "Sorry, fratello. They told me to call a nurse when you woke up."

Feliciano frowned and felt a hollow space where the anxiety usually swelled up. He didn't know what medicine he was on but it was great. A nurse popped into the room and thanked Lovino before tending to Feliciano. He was so drowsy from the medicine that he couldn't pay attention to the women checking his IV's and bandages.

She left quickly and they were alone again. Lovino took Feliciano's hand again and kissed it. "I was so worried. Never do that again," he softly scolded. "I couldn't go on if you left."

Feliciano closed his eyes. "Don't say that, fratello."

"Then don't ever try that again," he warned.

Elizaveta and Roderich appeared in the door and rushed to the bedridden teen. Elizaveta was loving on him, stroking his cheek and petting his hair. Roderich came by Lovino's side and watched the scene.

"We're so relieved to see you again," Elizaveta said. Her voice was growing weaker and she looked like she was ready to break down again.

"Mi dispiace," Feliciano mumbled. His cheeks flushed with embarrassment. He didn't think he'd have to face anyone after the (failed) attempt.

"You almost left us," she cried

"We're glad to see you awake," Roderich cut in. He knew it would be best to avoid getting overly emotional again.

"Yes," Elizaveta added. "And when you get out we're going to have to redo your room. That guest room was much too small! How would you like the other one, near the kitchen? We'll paint it and get you new blankets instead of those old, dusty ones."

Feliciano's eyes switched between the two guardians. "You mean you still want me?"

"Always," she promised.

"I ruined the carpet," he mumbled.

"It was an ugly one anyway," Roderich said.

"Yeah, fuck that carpet." They all stared at Lovino and his extreme words, then they all began to laugh. "I mean it, that piece of shit made me want to gouge my fucking eyes out."

Feliciano laughed until he began to cough, which opted Elizaveta to continue mothering him. She rubbed his cheek with her thumb and he leaned into it like a cat, ready to accept the love he was given.

"You should see that potato bastard," Lovino interrupted. He combed a hand through his hair and looked off to the side. "He's been waiting a while. I'll get him." Without a glance back he left, leaving the mismatched family staring at the door. It was universally known that he hated Ludwig for whatever reason. Today was a strange day.

A few minute later Ludwig was in the room and the Edelsteins were leaving to give them privacy. Ludwig sat in Lovino's old chair and the two friends just stared at each other. Feliciano was feeling guilt build up and his eyes watered.

"It's okay, Feliciano," Ludwig interrupted. His voice was tired and dry. "Don't cry. It's okay."

"I lied," he sniffled. "I didn't keep my promise."

"I know. It's okay."

"But—"

"Don't get worked up over it. It's in the past." He took Feliciano's used hand in his own and they sat together quietly like the night Feliciano first admitted his problems. The Italian fell asleep and Ludwig, exhausted from the past day, laid his head down and joined him.

A/N: Look, I didn't kill my main character this time! The song on the radio was this chapter's song, "Brother."

"Brother" by Matt Corby

Wait there

Pull yourself out of this state dear

Acknowledge you were a fake here

From there on you might just grow

Oh oh oh