A/N: This might be a bit confusing to read, but it's mostly Lovino speaking with a flashback.

Chapter 15

Say Something

"Feliciano and I didn't have the best childhood. Our parents were great up until I was almost nine. It was so long ago I hardly remember it, but I think dad lost his job and mom was already kind of bitchy before that, but they were good parents. Dad couldn't find a job and just sat at home, going through the wanted ads, making calls, then drinking until mom got home.

"Feli was so young, he didn't know what was going on. I did, though. I remember going to school and not having lunch because they couldn't afford to send me food or money. They were too proud to apply for the school's free lunch program. That was a fun year.

"Dad stopped looking for jobs after a year and spent his time drinking. Mom turned into an ultra bitch and all they did was fight. I used to have to sneak food from the fridge so I could feed Feli and myself. My parents tried to restrict our diets to 'save money.' There'd be less food and more beer every day. I had to feed and bathe and put him to bed and tell him mom and dad aren't fighting, it's just a loud movie.

"Then one day I got home from school and I had a failed test I needed them to sign because my bitch grade school teacher required us to show our parents we failed. They were so mad that… my dad was drunk… and he started hitting me."

Antonio gasped. "I didn't know—you never told me—I, I—"

"Shut it, it's over now," Lovino shushed. "Anyway. After that dad would hit me for stupid little things, like catching me sneaking food or closing the door too loudly when he was hung over. My parents prided themselves on the idea that it was only dad beating only me. Mom and Feli were clean of it.

"And Feli got older and would get hit as well. Usually he would go to our room and hide under the covers and cry, but that was just when it started. I think he was ten when they started on him. Before then he was just yelled at every once in a while and wasn't fed much. I got the most of it since I was the oldest and I tried to stick up for him.

"Then mom started drinking just as much as dad. She lost her job and had to find some shitty one that would take her. They started beating the both of us, but it was usually just hitting us until Feli cried or until they felt they proved their point. They only ever bruised us.

"I turned eighteen and couldn't take it anymore. I left after the night they took it too far. Feli was on an overnight field trip, which they only let him go on because it was 'free.' I remember pawning dad's wedding ring to get him the money. Bastard didn't even know it was gone.

"So I got home late from school one day; I had to stay behind to work on a group project at the library. It was either the school or someone's house and they all live far away, I would have had to walk hours to be back.

"I got home and they went ballistic, screaming at me and blaming me for whatever was happening at the time. I was tired and yelled back… they didn't like that. So they both started beating on me and my bastard father smashed his beer bottle over my fucking head. I woke up the next day on the floor. They fucking left me right there. I was surprised I didn't get a concussion or something else awful. They did hit me on the fucking head.

"They were gone when I woke up and I waited at home until it was time for Feli's trip to let out. I walked to his school, picked him up, brought him back home, and I packed my shit. It was raining that day…"

The rain pounded on the wrecked house and seeped in through the cracks higher on the walls. Lovino was shoving everything he had into a black duffel bag. Feliciano sat on their bed and watched him with a confused face while Lovino swore and stumbled around from his head injury and shoved a few more shirts into the bag.

"I don't understand."

"You know how it is living here. I can't fucking take this any longer."

Feliciano's eyes shined with tears. "But—you can't just leave! What am I going to do without you? Fratello!"

Lovino zipped the bag and grabbed his hidden stash of money from the pencil jar on the desk. "Then come with me."

"I can't," he whined. "I'm only thirteen."

Lovino looked him in the eyes. "Hey, no crying. I can't live here. Those bastards hate me and they'll kill me if I stay long enough. They like you more, they won't be as hard on you. If you're willing to stay here, fine, just be careful, fratello. Never be late and don't provoke them. I'll come back for you when you're older and we'll leave this shithole behind. Got it?"

Feliciano wiped a tear from his eye and nodded sadly. Lovino hugged him before he got up and left the house. He paused at the entryway of the front door, shivering against the chilled air and the needle-like rain that pounded down. Lovino glanced behind him, spotting his brother standing outside their room, watching him with wet eyes and barely-concealed sobs. He was so thin and so pale.

Lovino turned back, slipping his favorite (and only) jacket off, giving one last glance at the embroidered red tomato on the breast. He then slid it over his little brother's shoulders before giving him a final hug and walking out into the pouring rain in only his T-shirt to protect him against the chill.

"I had a month left of school but I couldn't go. I had to drop out and lived in a homeless shelter for a few months before I met Antonio at a park." He looked sheepishly at his fiancé, mumbling, "I, uh… when we met remember what I told you?"

Antonio smiled and relayed, "You said you were at the park because you had nothing better to do and you were spending some time there while it was bright out."

"Yeah, well, I was living on a bench there for a week when we met. Didn't think you'd like talking to a homeless person."

Antonio's eyes widened a fraction.

"Yeah, so back to Feli… After I left things seemed to get worse. I would call home every once in a while but Feli stopped answering when he got a job. And he got that job to not be home and not be hit, for future reference. And the money he made was probably the only reason he ever ate or could get school supplies.

"And as it turned out, when I left it turned all the heat on Feliciano. I didn't know it would be so bad, I just wanted to be free but I fucked over my brother. Our parents were both used to drinking and unemployment and they weren't afraid to beat Feli as often as they pleased. Feli is a sensitive kid, very malleable… when I'd visit him, I'd catch him saying some shit about how he was late home from work and mom and dad beat him. The worst part was he didn't even sound mad. He fucking accepted it, he talked like he deserved it. I hate that he had to grow up to accept abuse.

"The… the day I came back for the funeral planning, I talked to him. I saw his bruises and the bandages. He told me what happened and I couldn't believe it. They never went so far that I needed to go to the hospital, yet they beat Feli half to death and left him there alone.

"And that is why I hate my bastard parents and that is why Feli is… like this."

Ludwig hadn't realized he was holding his breath. He had no idea Feliciano was being abused by his parents, but all the signs had been there. Feliciano always being hungry and taking whatever Ludwig gave him, Feliciano being afraid of strangers to the point of paranoia (because they might want to hurt him), why Feliciano was so freaked out by him when he woke from a nightmare… Why Feliciano thought he'd kill himself if he was home long enough to realize what was happening wasn't okay.

Oh god. That was why he was so nervous all that time ago when he told Ludwig about the parent-teacher meeting.

"I'm fine."

"That's not true. You're obviously upset by something."

"My dick English teacher has a meeting with my parents today… Because I'm late to class too much…"

"Don't let it bother you, Feliciano. You'll feel better once you get it over with."

"Yeah, you're right…"

"Deep breaths, Feliciano. You'll feel better when you get back home."

He felt so horrible. He had no idea that home was the last place Feliciano wanted to be. His throat tightened and his eyes stung from the need to cry for his friend. He turned his attention back to Lovino, who was being hugged and coddled by an emotional Antonio.

"Um, Lovino…?"

The Italian looked up. "What?"

"Thank you for sharing that with us. I think I understand Feliciano a little better now."

Lovino nodded back, no insult at hand, and Ludwig left the office. It was unbelievable how Feliciano couldn't catch a break. He went to Feliciano's room, quietly sliding through the open door. Gino was fast asleep against Feliciano's legs and looked content with the world. Feliciano, on the other hand, looked miserable for someone sleeping. He had a small frown and furrowed eyebrows, as if he was upset by something.

Not knowing what to do—what might help or hurt him—Ludwig eased himself on the bed, laying down under the top blanket as not to disturb Feliciano (who was under another blanket and the sheets). Gently he reached his hand out, resting his elbow on the bed between them, and started moving his fingers through Feliciano's soft hair. He grew bolder and lightly scratched the Italian's scalp with his trimmed nails, much like he would do to his dogs at home. Slowly Feliciano's face eased and became more peaceful, though not entirely there.

As he did his best to soothe the boy, he could hear Antonio mumbling his condolences to Lovino's lost childhood. In response were some half-hearted swears and to stop worrying about the past, since the past was as dead as his parents.

And he caressed Feliciano's hair some more before his arm grew numb. Moments passed after his closed his eyes and he was out like a light, his last thoughts full of concern for his suffering friend.

Outside the bedroom Lovino was growing irritated with Antonio's growing worry. They were still sleeping on the couch, sharing the small space each night. The blankets and pillows had been set on the floor and Lovino began picking them up and trying to block out Antonio's constant stream of soft worries.

"Christ, do you ever shut up?" He growled. "I'm fine. It was forever ago. Stop whining or you're going to be the bottom from now on!"

Antonio paused but his worried expression did not fade. "Lovi, we've been together almost five years. You never mentioned it, not a single time."

"So what? Is it so wrong to want to forget the past?"

"No, but the past is still haunting us. You say it's dead but it lives on in your brother right now. Lovi, I never knew you went through so much. It's just… why didn't you tell me? Don't you trust me?"

Lovino paused and refused to look at his lover. "That's not it at all."

"Then why? Why didn't you say anything?"

The younger man shuddered and Antonio recognized the hidden tears. He turned him around, Lovino turning his face away, not wanting to look directly at him.

"I... I didn't want you to know. I thought you'd worry. And the worst part… I was afraid if I thought about it or said anything, I'd think of how much of a bastard I was to leave Feli there. I couldn't live there with him and I expected him to make it alone," he sobbed. "And you'd know I was a bastard for leaving him there, and you'd leave me, too…"

The Spaniard shushed him and held him. "I'm not going anywhere, and neither are you. It's okay, it's okay…" They laid on the couch embraced until Lovino fell asleep, eyelashes still wet with tears. Antonio gently wiped them away and pulled a blanket over the two of them.

"Say Something" by A Great Big World

And I... I'm feeling so small

It was over my head

I know nothing at all

And I... will stumble and fall

I'm still learning to love

Just starting to crawl