Special shout-out to Book0-0Worm for being my 700th reviewer! And also thanks to those who pointed out that I uploaded that chapter on the one year anniversary of Being 15 is Tougher. That was purely a coincidence, haha. And thank you all for forgiving me for being such a lousy updater. You're the best :) This one doesn't have a lot of jokes in it, but it's longer than most of the other ones, so hopefully that'll make up for it :P
Anyone using Panem October? And who read Son of Neptune?
Disclaimer: I don't own PJATO, or any of its characters, plots, etc.
The goddess flipped her hair out of her face, and continued to work. "Well, if it isn't my least favorite stepson." She said, without ever looking directly at me.
"I'm your only stepson."
Her eyes never came up from her plants. "Yes, and I hate you, which makes you my least favorite."
"Ah, of course." I said, not surprised that she hadn't grown any fonder of me since the last time I saw her, "Perfect logic."
The other quest members glanced at each other, probably surprised that Persephone was actually as bad as I made her out to be. "And who are these other little gremlins that you brought with you?" For the first time she raised her eyes and scanned the group, but never met my glare.
Jill barged in, "Jillian Mistero, daughter of Athena." The others followed her example, and formally introduced themselves to the wicked goddess. She actually shared a small smile with Riley, which was only slightly strange considering they were both children of Demeter.
"How wonderful. Now, why are you here?" she asked, as if we were trespassing on her property (which, I guess we were in a way).
"Us? Why are you here? It's summer; shouldn't your mother and you be talking about cereal and flowers or something?" I've been lectured by Demeter so many times about eating cereal that I can't look at a bowl of Wheat Flakes without cringing (I'm being quite literal here).
"Well, that is none of your business. And because you're so rude and refuse to answer my question, I'll assume that you're all here because of the tragedy that occurred at camp."
"Duh." This earned me both a glare from Persephone, and a smack from Jill.
"Nico!" she reprimanded in a hushed tone, like a mother trying to avoid yelling at her child in public, "You're talking to a goddess! Have some respect!" She turned back to Persephone. "I'm sorry, Lady Persephone. Please excuse this idiot for his behavior."
Persephone glanced at Jill critically and then back to her precious flowers. "Hm, I like her. Well, at least more than I like you, Nico."
"You like everyone more than you like me."
A small smile played at her lips. "Touché." The amused look soon disappeared. "Now, tell me how you got here."
And before I could make any rude comments to my step-mother, the loquacious member of the group (I'm talking about Hailey, in case you didn't pick up on that) began telling the story of our quest (and sparing absolutely no details).
"-and then we met this guy named Jeffrey and he was really cute and stuff – oh, sorry Riley – and then his mom drove us to Detroit for some doctors appointment about her ovaries and then out of nowhere it was like BAM! Out came Jill!"
"And me!" complained the young girl currently in my arms (which were starting to feel the pain of carrying 70 pounds of demigod around for who knows how long), not letting herself become forgotten.
"Oh, yeah, she was there too. And we were all really excited and stuff and she was yelling at this guy because she wanted a shirt and her little sister was there too! And then-"
On and on she babbled and prattled to my lovely step-mother. "And then we all fell and Nico had to take Izzy to the hospital and he told us to stay where we were, but then we got bored and kinda scared so we took a walk, but then these creepy skeletons came and totally kidnapped us, and then they threw us in a cell and it was really cold and boring and so I started singing and then Jill confessed her undying love for Nico and-"
"Wait, what?" Jill and I both interjected. Much to my embarrassment, I could feel my face getting hotter. On the other hand, Jill just looked angry.
Hailey gave us her classic goofy smile. "Heh, just kidding. But she was totally thinking it!"
"No, I wasn't!" protested Jill.
"Sure you were! And then we were just sitting, and sitting, and sitting, and sitting and it was sooo boring! But then we saw Nico, and we were like 'Yayyy!', but then he got really mad, and then-"
I smiled to myself when I saw how irritated Persephone was getting. I suddenly appreciated Hailey and her big mouth a dozen times more (despite her little "undying love" comment).
"Well, I can't say I'm surprised that you came all this way and still haven't come any farther to finding the cure. You are just a group of juvenile delinquents, after all." For such a petite woman, she looked awfully intimidating with a pair of garden shears in her hand.
Just as I was about to interrupt, she silenced me and continued. "So, seeing as if I just send you off on your own, those kids will surely die, it's my moral obligation to assist you." She nonchalantly slipped off her gloves and ran her fingers through her dark hair.
For the first time I noticed a basket she had positioned beside her. It was a simple wooden one, with a small sheet of fabric keeping the contents a mystery. She pulled up a corner of the cloth so that we still couldn't see what was inside, but she could slip her hand in. She closed her eyes for a moment as her hand felt around the basket, and a remorseful look came over her face; but soon it was gone and she was pulling something out of the container.
Her slim fingers grasped something that I later identified as an herb. It was thin and leafy, with small purple beads in clusters decorating the plant.
"I trust you to take these back to camp and give them to Chiron."
"What are they?"
She rolled her eyes (though, she didn't do it as well as the annoying blonde next to me does). "Meatloaf seasoning for next week's dinner."
Cue blank stares.
She dramatically sighed. "It's the cure, you moron. Of course, alone it will be of no help. These two lovebirds," she motioned to Hailey and Riley, "will need to give their own personal touches."
More blank stares.
"How would you know what the cure is?" Surprisingly, this came from Izzy. While I'm sure she didn't mean to, her Athena-like superiority made the question sound more sarcastic than curious.
"Puh-lease. I'm a goddess; I've been around for thousands of years. You think I haven't seen something like this happen already?" She sighed again, "Don't be so naive."
"Well, what are we supposed to do with it?"
She waved her hand, "Just give it to Chiron."
"But-"
Her eyes flew to meet mine for the first time, and her glare was just as cold as I remembered. "Just give it to Chiron." She held my gaze for another moment, and then carefully, she picked up the basket and handed it to me over the fence.
Once the container was in my hands, she pulled her gardening gloves back on, adjusted them until they were comfortable, and then began to tug at a small leafy weed near a flower bush. She hummed a melancholy tune as she worked, and her face became hidden under her big hat when she turned her head away. When you couldn't see her face, she actually could pass for a somewhat pleasant woman. And then she opens her mouth, and the image is ruined. "But, it's only fair to warn you that it won't be easy getting those back to camp. So don't mess this up, Nico."
"Yeah yeah, their lives are depending on me, blah blah blah. I get it." I turned and began to walk away, and the others followed in a chorus of "Thank you, Lady Persephone." Just as I was sure Jill was about to smack me again, a voice summoned me back to the garden.
"Nico."
When I turned back around, the goddess was standing in front of the gate. Her face had turned completely serious. "I have given you all of the help that I possibly could. I'm not even supposed to intervene with quests, so you had better be grateful. If you don't successfully complete this quest, I swear I'll make you regret ever being born."
Gulp.
"Do you understand me?"
Nod.
And then I turned and ran.
I could hear her eerie singing as we left; and even after she was far behind us, the lyrics continued to echo in my ears.
"The cure is with the woman who shall not be named,
Defeat the temptation, and the cure shall be claimed."
(LA LA LA! LALA THE LINE!)
"I told you it would be a magical flower." Riley gloated as we walked away from the creepy garden. We were planning on escaping via the passageway to New York City, since there was no way I would be able to successfully shadow-travel the five of us. I was so exhausted that it was a mystery how I was still standing in the first place. And even worse, my arm had begun to burn and ache again. Whatever relief I had gotten from the nectar and ambrosia was long gone, and the slits that the talons had left in my arm were impossible to ignore.
"It's technically an herb, not a flower." corrected Izzy, who was now in Jill's arms (thank the gods).
Just as Hailey had relished in the sunlight hours ago, I was savoring the cool, dark atmosphere of the Underworld. Yeah, it smelled like rotten eggs. But it also smelled like pure awesomeness. I remembered the harsh heat we had escaped by coming here, and dreaded returning back to the regular world. I really wanted nothing more than to find some way of getting back to my nice, cool cabin and collapsing on my bed. But unfortunately, that just wasn't going to happen.
Walking through the Fields of Asphodel was not my definition of fun.
Flocks of lost spirits had started to follow us as we walked, and it had begun to be quite bothersome. The girls were frightened by them (and so was Riley, for that matter), so every couple of minutes I had to wave them off like a group of wild geese.
"Go away, go! Shoo! Off you go!"
Izzy sneered. "There's no need to be so rude to them, Nico…"
"You're the one who wants them gone!"
"You still don't have to be mean!"
Whenever a spirit had gotten too close to us, somebody (aka: Hailey) would screech, and it was slowly driving me insane. I really, really wanted to get out of there. When I explained to the group that you can only pass through the Door of Orpheus with music, Hailey immediately volunteered to provide said music. The eager girl had jumped at the opportunity to rescue the other poor, tone-deaf members of the quest. This was a chance to serve Apollo proud. I could already hear her bragging about it to her siblings (and everyone else, for that matter). In fact, she would probably add in an army of zombies or a fire-breathing dragon chasing after us to make her story more interesting.
As we approached the gate, I began to feel uneasy, but we continued through. Hailey stood proudly in front of it, and when her mouth opened harmonious notes flooded out. Almost immediately, the old gate creaked open, and revealed a staircase in front of us. I had been through that particular entrance only once before, and I remembered them to be absolutely horrible; but what I then experienced was ten times worse.
First of all, it was pitch black. I was accustomed to the dark, and I still couldn't hope to see my hand in front of my face. There was absolutely no measure of how far the stairs led up, so you could only pray that you would be able to make it to the top without passing out from exhaustion. The stairs were stone, and so slippery that you had to support yourself with the wall with every step that you took. The passageway was wide enough for us to fit through, but only individually. Hailey, who seemed to be filled with confidence after her musical performance, volunteered to lead the way with Riley following right behind her.
Giving Jill a break, it was actually Riley who offered to carry Izzy up the staircase. The older blonde followed him, and I trailed behind her. As we continued up the staircase, I could hear the echoes of Hailey singing ahead.
"I am the ultimate demiiiigodd!" she sung. "Everybody loooveesss me!" The longer we traveled, the more distant she sounded. The bit of light that she always carried around with her (who says teenagers shouldn't carry around battery operated nightlights with them at all times? Oh yeah, me) shone only around her; so while I'm sure her path was nice and illuminated, the rest of us were stuck in the dark.
While traveling up the staircase, I managed to nearly slip and tumble to my death numerous times. This being said, I was forced to support my entire body weight on the wall (which was something I was desperately hoping I wouldn't have to do) as I stumbled along. Using my arm to support myself as I walked was, in a word, excruciating.
Meaning it hurt.
A lot.
And just when I felt as if it were about to fall off, the tunnel flooded with light.
By "flooded with light", I mean there was a tiny speck of light in the distance that we could only hope was the exit.
"HALLELUJAH!" echoed a joyful shout from up ahead.
At this point, I had learned that apparently Hailey was a lot farther ahead than I had assumed, considering I'd been walking for a while and the light source didn't seem to get much closer.
I had also learned around then that after walking up what seemed to be an infinite amount of stairs, the lovely Jillian began to lose her balance. Graceful as a gazelle, she continuously lost her footing and nearly caused us both to plummet back down to the Underworld. Every time she stumbled I would have to stick one arm out and awkwardly push her back into her place, which was not only weird but also a tad bit painful on my part.
"Sorry!" she'd exclaim every time I had to catch her (which turned out to be quite often).
Finally, after twenty years (or at least, what seemed like twenty years) of lugging ourselves up the stairs, we had finally made it to the exit. I thought I would be happy to see the sunlight, but really it only made my eyes burn like someone had poured hot sauce on them.
When I was able to look up from the ground without having to cringe and cover my eyes, I realized that it wasn't very sunny at all. In fact, the sun had almost completely vanished from the sky.
So, as we collapsed onto the ground and spent ten minutes panting and trying to catch our breath, we realized that we had two problems:
1) It was almost night and still ridiculously hot out, meaning if we didn't find someplace with a great air conditioning system soon, we would probably be spending the night under a bench in a puddle of sweat.
2) Sometime in the matter of minutes that we lagged behind the trio, all three of them had somehow disappeared into Central Park (which, by the way, is freaking huge), and now it was our responsibility to find them.
So, we just walked back down to the Underworld, got a pet dog, and lived happily ever after.
The end.
(Only, in reality we both just cursed a lot and started looking for them. But I like my version a lot more.)