When Kit woke up, she was alone and in the dark. It took a few seconds to orient herself. She was in Jax Teller's bed in the SAMCRO clubhouse. All the events of the past 24 hours felt like they happened ages ago, like she might have just dreamed them. She pulled herself out of the bed and turned on the lamp. This was very strange being here, especially alone. She crossed the room and picked up her purse where she had left it on the desk. She flipped open her phone and turned it on to call Jax. An alert for six voice messages popped up on her screen. There were a dozen more texts all from William asking her to call. She would have to deal with him sooner or later. Later preferably.
Her phone started to vibrate in her hand. She smiled and answered it.
"I was just thinking about you," she said over the line.
"Yeah? You still at the clubhouse?" Jax asked.
"I just woke up."
"Good, stay exactly where you are. We're just wrapping up things here. I should be back soon."
"Stay exactly where I am?" Kit asked in a playful tone. "In your bed? Are you going to seduce me, Jax Teller?"
He laughed a little. "It's a good possibility. Is that what you want?"
"It's a good possibility. See you soon," she said before hanging up. She had a huge grin on her face. She was excited. If all went well, it would be a really good night. She looked back at her phone. She resolved to turn it off when Jax got here. Another call from William would not be welcome tonight. She would also break up with him soon. Seeing two guys at once never went well for anyone.
Kit got back in bed and started checking her emails on her phone. She sent one to Sean so he knew she would be coming in tomorrow. Most were just spam or notifications. A knock at the door surprised her but was more than welcome. She was just waiting anyway.
"Come in," she called. She didn't want to get up again. She had shed her jeans to sleep and traded her bloodied top for one of Jax's SAMCRO ones she found in a drawer.
Rachel came in, closing the door behind her. "Hey, been awake long?"
"No, just a few minutes. What's up?"
She sat on the edge of the bed beside Kit. "Juice is going to drop me home when he gets back. If he takes the van we can give you a lift. We are going to the same place."
Kit saw where this was going. "It's okay. I have to go over some financial stuff with Jax."
"We can wait."
"It's okay, really Rachel. He needs to take me to get my car too. It's still at work and he mentioned that he wanted to talk to Sean about some things."
She nodded and looked at Kit, considering what to say next. She decided to just go with her gut. "You like Jax. It's really clear and it's totally fine. I just don't want you to do something that you're going to regret. As much as I don't really like William, he's still your boyfriend. He might not be as appealing as Jax is right now but it doesn't mean you should cheat on him."
Kit knew that Rachel had only the best intentions but she hated the way she was looking at her. Her cousin was judging her. As angry as that made her, it hurt more. "Who said I'm going to sleep with Jax?"
"You're in his bed waiting for him. And I know he wants you too. I can see the way he is around you."
She cleared her throat. "I can make my own decisions, Rach. You don't need to be concerned with what I do with Jax. That's the end of it."
Rachel got up. "Alright, but we both know you're going to make a mistake." She left her cousin with that and walked out of the room.
Kit covered her head with the blanket and groaned. Her excitement and good mood was completely deflated. The doubt had returned. What exactly was she doing? She was literally waiting for Jax in his bed like some whore. He was even going to pay her. But did it even matter in the grand scheme of things if she stayed, as long as she was going to break up with Will? She had already cheated on him. Did it really matter how many times?
By the time Jax came in, she had calmed down and come to the decision that she could make her own mistakes. No one would get hurt if no one knew.
"Did you sleep okay?" he asked her. He took off his shoes and cut and flopped on the bed next to her. He was exhausted but was glad that it was all over. They were good with the Mayans and now had a favor from Alvarez in their pocket.
Kit turned on her side to face him. "Yeah, great actually. This is way better than that table. Hope you don't mind that I borrowed a shirt. Mine was a bit bloody. Do you own anything without the club's logo on it?"
He laughed. "One or two shirts I think."
"How'd it go with Salazar? Did you get him away from the DEA?"
Jax liked that he could tell her the whole story. He was always open with Tara but Kit understood how things were done. She didn't shy away from the truth or recoil at the brutality that often came with being an outlaw. At least not yet. He told her the events of the past few hours. They'd used a lawyer to get to Salazar who was able to relay the message that they had Luisa. Once he was bailed out, the DEA put a tail on him that was a bit tricky to shake but once that was done, Alvarez's crew picked him up. Salazar and his girlfriend were either dead or in the process of dying.
"I'm glad everything worked out the way you wanted," Kit said when he was done. "I can't believe he was stupid enough to take the MC president's wife. There's just no way you can hope to survive at that point."
"Guess he was desperate," Jax remarked. He hoped he was never desperate enough to do something like that. He didn't want to think about it. "Let's not talk about dead men anymore. It's done."
"It is a bit grim for bedroom talk. If I recall, you did promise me a seduction."
"Promise?" he asked, smiling at her. "I believe I said it was a possibility."
"Oh, well in that case." She started to get out of the bed, first throwing the covers off herself and revealing her bare legs.
Jax grabbed her hand. "Come here, beautiful." He pulled Kit close to him and into a deep kiss. He had been looking forward to this all evening. She was someone he could actually see some kind of future with. He was thinking of their last time together on his ride over. Even though they had both been drinking, he remembered how different things felt with her. She wasn't just another notch on his bedpost and he knew it even then. Kit moved on top of him, straddling his hips.
"You mean to tell me, this entire time you weren't wearing pants and we've been talking about something else?" he asked, running his hands along her bare thighs. He wanted all of her. He sat up and pulled the SAMCRO shirt off her revealing a black lace bra that matched the underwear.
"Looks like my possibilities are looking up," she uttered before kissing him. She loved the way he looked at her, like she was everything he desired. She pulled off his shirt and threw it aside.
Jax flipped her over onto her back, their lips barely parting. His hands moved to her hips. He ripped through the lace of her underwear. He undid his belt, shed his pants and got on top of her. After a few moments, Kit stopped him, pulling away. "Wait, do you hear that?" she whispered. He stopped kissing her neck and his hands froze as he listened, trying to hear what she had.
"What?"
"Nothing…there's no one to interrupt us now."
It would be a fun night.
When Kit woke up in the morning, she didn't have a headache or hangover. She was able to see the mess of blond hair beside her and just smile instead of wince. There was no rush to get out from under the covers this time. She did have to go into work but Sean knew she was wrapping up a case. She could be there when she wanted and it wouldn't be for a while. She was currently on cloud nine and she didn't plan on coming down anytime soon.
She almost wanted to shake Jax awake just so they could talk. Or do more than talk. But he had a pretty exhausting couple of days. Kit couldn't believe how infatuated she had become with him. When she started dating William, she never had feelings this strong. She really wanted to get to know Jax more and she never wanted to leave this bed.
Kit sat up and took a deep breath then let it go. Things were moving too fast in her head. She needed to slow down and be calm. She often regretted how introspective she could be. Her movement had caused Jax to wake up. He turned over and saw her.
"Hey beautiful," he said, a smile forming on his lips. "Come here." He held out his arms and she moved into them, her head resting in the crook of his neck. He kissed her. "Last time you left so fast I never got to do this."
"Do what?"
"Hold you." They just lay like that for a couple minutes while the California sun shone through the blinds. Jax never spent enough time doing this with Tara. Their lives were too hectic. His life was anyway. Something always came up. He would enjoy this time with Kit while they had it.
The sounds of laughter in the clubhouse eventually allowed reality to set in. They had to get up and start the day. "Do we have to get up?" Kit asked.
Jax sighed. "Unfortunately. I'm going to take a shower. Care to join me?"
Kit grinned and kissed him to let him now her answer. Of course she would. It really was like she was in complete bliss. She couldn't remember the last time she felt like this. Nothing could ruin her mood or bring her down today, not even her real life. After their steamy shower, Kit and Jax went out to the main clubhouse area. Some of the Sons were around, Chibs, Opie, Bobby and Clay. Gemma was there too and was shooting daggers at the woman who was hanging on to her son's arm.
"I'll get Bobby to grab your money and then I'll drop you off, alright?" Jax told Kit. "What do we owe you?"
"Five thousand," she told him without hesitating. He was a bit surprised. "No one said I was cheap. Plus it isn't all for me. Information is costly and then Sean gets his cut."
"I just thought the sex would bring you down in cost a bit."
Kit smirked and hit him playfully. "That better not have been your intent last night." He left her at the bar with a coffee while he went to talk to Bobby and the other guys.
Gemma took this opportunity to make her acquaintance and make a few things clear. "I'm Gemma," she said, sticking out her hand to Kit.
"Kit West." She shook her hand. She had heard about Gemma from Rachel. She was nice from her accounts if not a little manipulative. She was a real matriarch with a huge mama bear complex. Jax was her cub and Kit's guess was that she didn't exactly approve of them together. "Nice to meet you."
"You're the one they paid to find that lunatic," she stated. Kit nodded. "Are they also paying to sleep with my son?"
She shrugged. "I did have to argue a little to get it in my contract."
"That's cute." Gemma wasn't impressed.
"What'd you really come over here to tell me?" Kit asked, cutting to the chase. This woman would not ruin her mood. She wouldn't allow Gemma to push her around or put her down.
"My son's already got an old lady. He doesn't need to waste time with you, a fact he'll soon realize once he drops you off. He's better off with his family," she said. "He doesn't need some croweater messing him up."
Kit sipped her coffee and just looked at Gemma, sizing her up. She was a pretty woman for her age. She still had that badass vibe that projected clearly she was a strong person that wouldn't put up with any bullshit. Her disposition just demanded respect. Kit actually sort of admired her. "Jax can make his own decisions."
"More like mistakes and guess who ends up cleaning that shit up?"
The man of the hour came over and put his arm around Kit. He was a little worried about what his mom could be telling her. She was probably threatening her to leave him alone or trying to use scare tactics. He knew Kit could hold her own but Gemma could be very manipulative when she wanted, especially with the women in his life. He didn't always approve of her methods but she did what she had to in order to protect her family.
"Everything okay?" Jax asked.
"Your mom just came over to say hello and welcome me to the club. It was really sweet of her," Kit said, smiling. She turned to him and kissed him. "We better get going, babe."
She knew she'd meet Gemma again if she stuck around and she refused to let this woman ruin things between her and Jax. Two could play this power game. Who knew, maybe they'd even get along one day if Gemma decided to actually give her a chance and got to know her. Kit wouldn't hold her breath on that but she'd stand her ground. With one last look at her, she and Jax left the clubhouse.
As great a mood as Kit was in all morning, she knew she had to handle the William situation. She had to break up with him. She genuinely cared about him but she really wanted to see where things could go with Jax. They couldn't move forward if she was still with her boyfriend. She was dreading the conversation, never being good in emotionally tense situations. She hadn't even worked up the nerve to call him. In some ways, she was glad that he showed up at her workplace at lunchtime. After terse first moments, she led him outside to the parking lot to talk.
"Where've you been?" he asked, looking more concerned and defeated than upset. He was past anger. "Do you know how worried I was about you?"
"Yeah, I know. Sorry," she offered. Nothing would mend those wrongs. "I was just upset about what happened still. Rachel asking me to go out with her just came at the right time."
"Why couldn't you just call to let me know you were pissed off? You could've just sent a text. It's not okay to just disappear off the face of the earth," he told her. "I thought something might have happened to you." He just wanted her back. She'd been weird the past few weeks, not herself. He could even forgive her recent disappearance if it meant that things would go back to normal.
Kit nodded. "I know that too. I was just in a mood. You know I'm not the best at dealing with shit." She imagined this going very differently. She imagined him yelling about how horrible she was that she could then segue into a break up situation. He was being unbelievably calm. It was a little unnerving.
William hugged her. "I love you Kit. I know you're always not big on talking but I want to get through this. Can we do that?"
She hesitated before pulling away from him. "William…I think we n-
"Stop, wait. I got you something to wear to the benefit tonight." He reached into his jacket pocket and pulled out a flat velvet box. He opened it for her, revealing a beautiful diamond necklace. "I want to start over."
Kit sighed. She had forgotten all about the benefit. He'd been talking about it for weeks but it just wasn't really her kind of event. He thought he might get some kind of award. She had agreed to go and knew how much it meant to him. She even got a fancy gown for the occasion. "It's gorgeous."
He grinned. "So are you. It'll look perfect on you. I know we have issues to work out but let's just enjoy tonight. Everyone is looking forward to meeting you. We can deal with this later. It can just be like old times…"
"Yeah, of course," she told him and took the necklace. It would completely crush him to break up here and now. Tomorrow morning would be better. She'd do it. She promised herself that before she saw Jax again, she'd break it off with William.
He leaned down and kissed her. "I'll pick you up at 7:30, sweetheart."
Kit nodded and watched him go to his car and drive off. She touched her lips, where his had just been. It felt so wrong when he kissed her. She decided to go for a little walk to think about things, pulling out a cigarette for companionship. She thought back to her first meeting with William.
They met at the club where Rachel worked on New Year's Eve. She was feeling like shit all week leading up to it and her cousin had gotten her completely hopped up on free drinks. She decided that for one night, she wouldn't be Kit West. She wouldn't let the things that haunted her take her over anymore. She would be a single woman without a care in the world that was a secretary and whose biggest concern was who she was going to kiss at midnight. It happened to be William, the tall lawyer with a great smile. The man knew how to rock a tailored suit. They started dating soon after and it was just easier to be the Kit he met that night. She could act happy-go-lucky and like she was the nicest person on the planet. It was almost cathartic. She loved the story she had spun him about her perfectly normal past. Parents who were still alive but traveled a lot and a brother who lived in Amsterdam, so far away they wouldn't ever visit. She wished it was real and that the truth hadn't absolutely changed her. The Kit he knew was the person she could've been if things didn't completely go to shit. In a lot of ways, if she got together with Jax, she would really miss that girl. But maybe she didn't need her anymore.
The person she was with Jax was the real her. It was easy to relax with him, like she'd just unconsciously assumed that little would faze him. She didn't even know why she had told him anything about her parents but she had. He took it in and she didn't have an emotional breakdown. It was a pivotal moment for her even though she hadn't really said all that much about them. The last person she talked to about her mother was her aunt three years ago, on her deathbed. It was her dying wish to hear about her sister so Kit obliged. Her father was seven years before that. It was a conversation with her brother. She was telling him to get the fuck out of her life, that their dad wouldn't be proud to see him as a fucking cop. Kit took a long draw on the cigarette in her hand before tossing the butt aside. She shoved her brother back into his compartment in her brain and locked him away along with all her other bad memories. She was done thinking about him. All in a past life.
Kit circled the lot and then went back to her office to get some work done. She had some computer hacking to do before she could go play carefree girlfriend at this stupid lawyer benefit.
"Tara, don't you think I want to see my kid more?" Jax asked. He was almost yelling. He cared about his ex but he couldn't understand what she saw. He loved Abel. He would do anything for him.
"I know you do. Of course you do. I just don't think that you make him enough of a priority. You come by whenever you feel like it," she said. This was not going the way she wanted. She just wanted Abel to see more of his father. It was becoming harder to answer him when he asked, 'Where's Daddy?'
"You're living in my house. I don't see him as much as I did when we were all one big fucking happy family. I come by whenever I can and you know that."
She nodded. "Well, I'll be gone by the end of the week. My dad's place is ready for him."
When they broke up, it was just easier for her to stay in Jax's house with Abel. She'd had contractors fix up her father's old place so it would be more of a place she could call her own. It was also more child-friendly. It had been hard to do on her own but she was glad she'd done it this way. She didn't need Gemma's help or anybody from the club's.
"I love him," Jax said. He was tired of defending himself.
"I know you do. I never said you didn't. You're the VP of this club and you have responsibilities to your brothers. I know you're trying to provide for Abel but I just wish you were around more to see him growing up. You were in Stockton for so long and he's changing so fast. I don't want you to miss all that because of SAMCRO," Tara told him.
Jax understood where she was coming from. He wasn't angry at her but at himself. He wanted to be there for Abel but the club was important to him too. It was his family, everything he'd ever known. "I'll try to be around more," he said. "I'll pick him up tomorrow afternoon from daycare."
"Okay." They hugged and Jax took off.
He would always care about Tara and love her. He was almost glad they weren't together anymore. It had taken a lot of time for him to feel that way, after all the anger and resentment faded away. She was a surgeon and he was an outlaw. He would ruin her life and he didn't want that. He was glad she'd distanced herself from the club and in turn distanced Abel. Jax loved SAMCRO and he'd definitely done his share of bleeding for its survival but he wasn't sure it was a life he wanted for his son.
There was this expectation of him to take the gavel once Clay stepped down, like it was his destiny to walk in his father's footsteps as president. He wasn't sure that he wanted that anymore. When Abel was born, everything changed. He had something that was really worth living for. The risks of daily life in the MC were getting harder to justify. Clay didn't want to get out of guns and into more legitimate business. It was more lucrative to remain as criminals but what kind of legacy was that to leave Abel? It was better that he had a normal life with Tara. Jax had been raised into the club with both Gemma and JT playing prominent roles. He'd always aspired to be an outlaw like his father, feeling that there were no other options. That wasn't the way it would be for Abel.
Jax pulled into the TM lot and headed over to the clubhouse. He saw Piney outside, watching the prospect, Rat, box with Kozik in the ring by the door. He sat beside the old man at the picnic table. Jax had been turning to him lately, seeing him as a father figure more than a brother. He was JT's truest friend and one that shared his true vision for the club.
Jax took out a cigarette and watched the two men fighting.
"What's on your mind, Jax?" Piney asked.
"Just thinking about fathers."
"Your old man?"
Jax nodded. "Sometimes I feel like I never really knew him."
Piney took a swig from his glass of Petron. "He was a good man but he had his faults. He loved you but it was hard for him to be around you and Gemma after your brother passed away. He gave up after that."
"Gave up and started a new family in Belfast," he said bitterly. When he found out about that, a part of him resented his father. Jax and his mom both needed him and he just picked up and left, abandoning them.
"You don't know the pain of having a dead son. I'm not saying what he did was right but you shouldn't judge him." Piney looked at his best friend's son. "You're not your father, Jax. You know that."
Jax did know. His father was weak. He let Clay take over the club and his family while he stood by and did nothing. He didn't want this life for his sons but he didn't do anything to stop that. Jax wondered how different things would be if JT were still alive and at the head of the table.
"I'm starting to think the legacy of this club might be bad fathers," Piney said. "My son can't even be around his own kids. He loves them but he doesn't know them. I wasn't the greatest father." He drained the rest of his tequila. "The rest of these idiots, Tig, Bobby, Chibs…none of them know their kids."
"I'm not them," Jax said, more to himself than the old man. Tara's concerns became legitimate in that light. In this moment, he promised himself that he would never put his brothers, or anything else, ahead of his son. He would always be there for Abel.
They watched Rat take a hard hit to the side and fall. "You're the only one who can change things, Jax. This club will die if you let it," Piney told him.
Jax nodded and went inside. He knew Piney was thinking of JT's memoir. He was right and Jax wanted to change things. It had been a long road since they got out of Stockton. They needed money after taking such a hit with most of them inside and the fastest way was to go deeper into the gun trade, now selling to Lin and some crime families in Reno. He kept telling himself it was temporary but in his head, he knew it wouldn't be. Once they got used to the cash of selling more, his brothers wouldn't want to go back, naturally. He needed to make finding legal business opportunities more of a priority. Hopefully, they wouldn't end up like Cara Cara and burn to the ground.
Jax pulled out his father's manuscript from where he hid it behind the bookshelf. He went to his spot on the roof and started reading. JT may not have been father of the year but his wisdom and insight had comforted Jax over the years. Maybe he could find the answers he sought within these pages again.
A/N: Longer than usual but I wanted to get these scenes out before going anywhere new. Hope you enjoyed it. Please let me know what you think, good or bad. And here are some fun facts about SOA I realized this week just because. Regarding names: Opie's name is Harry Winston like the jeweller and Happy's is Happy Lowman like in Death of Salesman (Loman, but still). I wonder if Kurt Sutter did this deliberately or if its just a coincidence? Thoughts? xo A