Kit hugged her knees. "My father was the kind of man that all men should aspire to be like. He was good, honorable, and believed in justice and doing what was right. He just wasn't that smart. I was only fifteen when everything changed but even I knew what would happen before it did. We didn't live in the greatest neighbourhood and there was this gang. They'd terrorize people, demand money for 'protection', and just made everyone miserable. But no one ever talked. They weren't stupid. My dad hated them with a passion. He'd complain about them practically everyday. Then my brother got jumped one day and that was enough to get my dad angry enough and fed up with all the bullshit. He went to the police station. I begged him not to but he insisted someone had to do something, someone had to put a stop to it all. He wouldn't wait until they hurt me too.
"That's how we met Hunter. He was just a detective back then. He took my father's statement and promised that he'd keep an officer on us just in case. He said that until the charges came through, there would always be someone watching. We believed him. There was one incident where one of the gang threatened my dad in broad daylight and an officer showed up almost immediately. Then on February 5, 1997, I was coming home from school. The second I walked in the door, I was grabbed and knocked out. When I woke up, I was tied to a chair in our basement, duct tape over my mouth. One of the gang's enforcers was there with a few of his guys. My parents were there too."
Kit closed her eyes for a second. She tried to push the images out of her head. She just wanted to tell the story as detached as possible but she felt sick just thinking about it. "I knew immediately what was going to happen. The enforcer, Jimmy, took my face in his hand and he told me that I had better watch. If I looked away or closed my eyes, I would be sorry. He would make them sorry. I needed to see exactly what happened to rats. I watched them torture my parents until they were just…gone. I saw the second my mom went. I saw the light leave her eyes."
She took a deep breath before continuing, wiping away the tears that had just fallen. She couldn't look at Jax. She didn't want to see his pity. It would break her. "Hunter took a keener interest after everything. He tried to help Sam and I get back on our feet. Sam was nineteen at the time. I was going to stay with him instead of coming out here. He always wanted to be a cop but this whole thing made it his top priority and Hunter took him under his wing, making him his little intern. It wasn't until a couple weeks later that I found out the truth. I thought Sam was at the police station with Hunter but it turned out he'd already left for the day. I heard Hunter talking to another cop outside while they were smoking. The guy was giving him a hard time about spending so much time with my brother, told him to stop feeling guilty. Said he made the right call when he ordered the cop guarding us to go for the day."
"Kit…" Jax started. He just wanted to hold her in his arms.
"I don't completely blame him for killing my parents," she told him, finally looking at him. "If he'd kept the guard on us, maybe they'd still be alive. Maybe we'd be in wit pro and be halfway across the country. But that's not what happened. My father made the mistake and I knew he would pay for it. It's the way it all went down. It's the fact that this fucking pig stopped the only thing protecting them and didn't even give them a warning. It's the fact that I was forced to sit there for fucking hours watching, that it ruined me. And he didn't think we'd ever find out. He cozied up to my brother, acting like a father when he was half the reason ours was dead. Fuck, he still acts like that."
"Did you ever tell Sam?"
She nodded. "I confronted Hunter about it first and he wasn't happy. He tried to attack me, stop me telling Sam and show me exactly who was in control. Did you notice that scar above his right eye? My first knife fight." Jax smiled a little with her. "I tried to tell Sam but he didn't believe me. I was on all kinds of psych meds after the incident and I guess I wasn't exactly myself. Hunter painted a picture that made me look like a complete lunatic. He basically dared Sam to look into what really happened but Sam trusted him. I don't know what he really believed at the time but I think he just wanted to have this one thing in his life that wasn't complete shit. He wanted to be a cop, wanted to have this dream that could actually come true more than deal with something that could shatter it. I was supposedly still reeling from what happened to me," she said bitterly. "My aunt and uncle offered to take me in when they came up for the funeral so I called and arranged to move to California, a million miles away from this horrible thing in my life. I begged Sam to believe me before I left but he called me a liar and kicked me out. After that, I broke into Hunter's apartment and fucking trashed the place. I found his spare car keys, stole his car and totaled it. I seriously considered lighting it on fire too but it was destroyed and I guess I thought that was enough. I got caught on security camera and was arrested. Sam bailed me out and I got on a plane that afternoon before anything else could go down. I missed my trial but Hunter never pursued anything even though he knew where I was."
"Those were the charges that he used to arrest you," Jax stated.
Kit nodded. "I changed my name because I just didn't want to be Kate Nix anymore. I didn't want to be the girl who had this horrible thing happen to her. Nobody looked at me the same anymore. I was glad to leave New York and have this fresh start where no one really knew me." She sighed. "It still eats away at me that nothing changes though. Hunter still has this fucking hold over my brother and Sam never sees it."
"I get it now," Jax told her, looking into her green eyes. He felt like he was finally seeing her, all of her.
"That's who I am, Jax."
He pulled her off the desk chair and onto his lap, into his arms. "No, that's what happened to you. It doesn't define you like you think it does."
"I wish I believed you." There were traces of bitterness in her voice.
He kissed her head. "One day, you will."
As Jax held her, he couldn't help but let his mind wander. He wondered how she felt about SAMCRO. She'd never said if she hated it or loved it. This gang ruined her life and now she had dived headfirst in another one with him. Maybe that explained her melt down earlier where she pushed him away. It was like he was seeing everything with a whole new perspective.
"I'm fine, Jax," Kit said suddenly, a sad smile gracing her lips. "I can feel you worrying about me and all that shit…it's in the past. I left Kate Nix behind a long time ago. I'm not in pieces anymore. I'm here and I'm fine and I know what I want, so don't worry about me, alright?"
Jax tucked a piece of loose hair behind her ear. "As long as I love you, I'll never stop worrying."
Kit kissed him softly. As much tragedy had gone down in her life, she wondered how she had gotten so lucky to end up here. She'd never felt so free. She had never let anyone get so close, had been too afraid to let anyone this far in. But this feeling was indescribable. Jax knew everything now and he still loved her. There was no pity, just understanding. And that meant more to her than anything in the world.
Rachel had never felt scared like this before. She had felt weird since she left her house for work and now she was sure she was being followed. All night, as she made drinks for people at the club she worked, there were a group of men watching her. There was only one she recognized, her cousin's ex, William. She'd never met his friends but it didn't seem like the people he was with were particularly close to him.
The first thing she did was call Juice but he wasn't answering. Then she tried Jax, and Opie but no one picked up so she figured she wouldn't run down the list of Sons. Besides, she had a couple hours left on her shift and she was surrounded by people. She considered calling Kit but didn't get the chance. Luckily her cousin strolled in just past 1:00 am with one of her friends from work.
"Hey doll, how's work tonight? I can't believe how busy it is," she said when Rachel finally got to her at the bar.
"Kit, we gotta talk," she said, whispering in her cousin's ear across the bar.
"Can we talk later, Rach? I promised Elle a good time and that I'd find her a respectable man," Kit said, almost giggly. Rachel could smell the alcohol on her breath. This must not be their first stop.
"William's here," she said, hoping to get Kit's attention through her drunken haze.
Kit shrugged. "He already knows not to mess with me if that's what you're worried about."
"No, he's been watching me. His whole group has. Kit, I'm really scared," she said, urgency in her voice. Something must have clicked because Kit gave her a serious look.
"Get me two beers, Rach. I'll handle this. I'll talk to Will. Everything's going to be fine," Kit told her with a half-smile. She reached over the bar and kissed her cousin on the cheek to reassure her.
Kit handed her cousin a $20 bill and found Elle, handing her one of the beers. She'd already found the attention of a man at the bar so she was well distracted. It wasn't hard to find William. He was staring at her, his eyes piercing through the throngs of people dancing and talking across the room. He was surrounded by some men she'd never seen before. They looked shady and she noted some jailhouse tats on two of them. Despite her inebriation, she got a really bad vibe from it all.
She headed for the hallway leading to the staff area of the club. It was one of the rare places that you didn't have to yell to be heard. She knew that William would follow. How many fights had they had here? It was hard to say. It was really a wonder how they stayed together so long when they fought pretty much all the time.
William turned the corner a minute after Kit did. "Kit," he said as a way of greeting. "You look great." It didn't matter how upset he was at her, she had this ability to take his breath away without even trying. He hated that, especially when he wanted to be mad at her.
"What are you doing here? You're making Rachel uncomfortable," Kit said, cutting to the heart of matters. She wasn't exactly sober and wanted to get through with this as quickly as possible.
"Look, I told you we need to talk."
"And I told you that I didn't need to hear anything you had to say. We're through."
He pushed her up against the wall, taking her off guard. He held her by the shoulders to stop her from moving. "You don't understand. It's not about us. It's about you," he said, dead serious. "Listen to me for five fucking minutes. You want to hear this."
When she saw how grave he was, he let her go. "What the hell is going on?"
"Sons of Anarchy. You're fucking one of them, aren't you?" he said coldly. He didn't wait for confirmation. "Well, Ethan Zobelle has a message to send." He turned and checked if anyone else was around, almost paranoid.
"How do you know Zobelle?" Kit asked, a chill running through her. She was suddenly nervous. Would William hurt her?
"I'm one of his new lawyers. It's not by choice so you can stop looking at me like I'm the worst person in the world. I shouldn't be warning you but for some reason I still give a shit about you," he told her. Kit nodded gratefully. "You need to watch your fucking back. Zobelle wants to hurt the Sons' family, how they hurt his."
Kit got a sinking feeling in her stomach. "Were you coming for Rachel tonight?"
William didn't answer at first, unable to look her in the eye. "I was supposed to confirm it was the right girl."
"So if I didn't show up you wouldn't have told me?" she asked, livid. She had sobered up some and now she might just kill him. "God, I knew I was a bitch to you but I can't believe you would just let her get hurt. She didn't do anything to you. Do you know what these guys are capable of?"
"Do you know what could happen to me if they found out I was telling you any of this shit?" he said, desperation in his voice. "I can't be talking to you anymore. I have to go. Just watch your fucking back." He started to head back out to the main club area.
"Will," Kit said. He turned around to look at her one last time. "I'm sorry for everything."
He hesitated before asking the question that was eating at him since they broke up. "Did you ever love me?"
"Once," she replied, lying easily. She cared about him but it was never love, never close to what she felt with Jax. He'd just stuck out his neck for her in a huge way so there was no reason to break his heart any more. "Thanks, really."
Will just nodded and walked off.
Kit took a sharp breath in as the reality of what just transpired hit her. She felt like she might cry or yell or both. She drank some of the beer that she was still holding in her hand to calm her some and then took some deep breaths. They needed help. They couldn't leave here tonight without the Sons. Kit continued to down the beer until the bottle was empty. It was times like this that things became so real and dark that she almost couldn't take it and she needed someone to reassure her. She needed Jax.
But he wasn't here. Kit would just have to deal. The first step was to walk out to the bar and keep and eye on Rachel. Her cousin was relying on her after all. As soon as she got out of the hallway, she avoided eye contact with William and the men he was with and beelined for the bar, taking a seat close to Rachel. As long as she was in view, they were safe. She could handle this. She just had to keep repeating that to herself.
"What's going on?" her cousin asked her across the bar when she made it over.
"Nothing, he's just trying to mess with me," Kit lied. She hated to do it to Rach but it would calm her down at least until she was done her shift. "We had a fight a couple days ago and he's just trying to prove a point, flex his muscles a little."
Rachel nodded and moved down the bar to take some more drink orders. Kit wasn't sure if she bought it but at least she was thinking about something else.
Kit tried Jax on his cell but there was no answer. She remembered that he had a run tonight and that all the Sons were with him. He didn't want her to go out. He didn't feel right about it and wanted to stick someone with her but there was no one. Couldn't she wait until tomorrow? But Kit had been stubborn and left with Elle anyway as soon the Sons were long gone. They had even bitched over several drinks earlier that Jax couldn't tell her what to do. She was eating those words now.
She tried one more time in vain to reach him but it just kept ringing. He was probably on the road. Kit looked up at Rachel and saw the fear still lingering in her eyes. She had to do something. And suddenly, she remembered who she could call.
He picked up on the second ring. "What do you need?" he answered, skipping hello and any pleasantries. His tone wasn't mean or annoyed but awake and almost eager. It felt like he'd been waiting for this call all night.
"I need you to pick me and Rach up."
"You must be desperate."
"Obviously."
"It's going to cost you."
Kit sighed. "I thought you wanted to be my big brother. Now's your chance, Sam."
"Lunch tomorrow."
"Day after."
"You've got yourself a deal." She could practically hear Sam smile through the phone. "Okay, give me your address. I'll be there."
A/N: Thanks for the faves/follows and especially my reviewers. You guys totally motivated me to finish this one. xo A