Yeah, okay. I know I've been out of the game for a while but I got tons of work and other stories to worry about. I make stories and I intend to finish them. Besides, this is one of my firsts so the hell I'm gonna ruin it!
Chapter Ten – Formal? Yeah Right
There was only one thing in Alex's supremely advanced mind. What you may ask? The hell do I know what the hell that fuck thinks but one thing is clear...
"Hehe, that's a good one." He chuckled and laid back on his comfy seat.
Three...two...one...
"You heard me, I want you to be my date for that stupid party my dad wants." Elise sighed as she sat on his ridiculously plain desk.
'I mean, the guy's rich. How come he doesn't get some, oh I don't know...STYLE?!'
Alex cracked his knuckles and propped his feet up. "Yeah, not gonna happen."
"Oh, you're such a fucking kill joy. C'mon, you're the only guy I know that pisses my dad off." She squealed like a damn squirrel and Alex sweatdropped.
"On that note, I have one thing to say." He stood up and cleared his throat dramatically.
Elise could feel it now. Eyes shimmering with hope, legs quivering with anxiety, mouth ready to smother him in a big fat wet kiss...
Wait, what the fuck?
"I..." He pointed his finger to the sky and Elise clasped her hand together like she just received a divine blessing.
'Dear God, thank you for making Alex see the light.' Anime tears flowed down her face as clouds formed over her head and angels were flying down, singing cheerful songs down at her.
"...will never be your date."
Then just like that, the devil suddenly appeared in front of her and laughed maniacally as she fell to hell.
"WHAT?!" She shrieked and grabbed him by the collar.
"Yeah, I won't be your date. You just gonna have to wing it." Alex chuckled and shrugged her hand away.
'Aww, c'mon Lexie, you know you want that piece'a ass.' Dana cooed at him and Alex shook his head, he had one desperate bitch here thank you very much.
"Pleeeeeaaaaase, Alex. You're the only one who can make that shit pile exciting." Elise put on her puppy dog face, trying to convince Alex with her cuteness while he just deadpan look.
Really, puppy dog face? Like that ever works.
'Uh, yeah it does. Remember that time when I asked you for some money and you said no and I went and did the puppy dog face and...'
'Alright, alright, I get it. Shut the fuck up.' Alex groaned, he hated of being reminded of that.
After a few minutes of begging and downright graveling, Alex finally conceded only because it was getting on his nerves and other doctors and nurses were laughing.
"You won't regret it. You just saved me from a night of extreme boredom and for that I owe you for life." Elise punched him on the arm and she massaged her hand.
Oh yeah, he was made of fucking steel.
"Owe me for life, eh?" Alex had a devious look on his face. The things he could make Elise do...Hoo...
'Ooooh, looks like Lexie's gonna go all Christian Grey on our poor little Elise.' Dana teased her brother and Alex whacked his head. 'Tentacle porn.'
Alex made a disgusted face. 'DANA! Besides, if it came to that, I'll...great now I'm thinking like you.'
Elise looked at Alex like the insane idiot he was. Man, this guy was really the perfect date for that stupid party.
"All right, I'll go to your stupid ass party BUT..." Alex held up his finger and pointed it at Elise.
"But what?" Elise crossed her arms and waited for Alex to say it. Knowing him, it'll probably be...
Before she could finish her thought, Alex pulled her by the waist and smashed his lips to hers. It was rough and oh so sweet.
Elise was surprised. The one man she considered an asshole and friend was kissing her! 'What, how, what the...oh, what the hell.' She thought and pulled him closer, deepening the kiss with ferocious hunger.
And just as she was about to get freaky, Alex ended it. Much much MUCH to her great frustration.
All Alex thought was, 'daaaaamn'. He didn't expect that but hell, who's complaining.
"I'll see you tonight." He waltzed to the door, leaving Elise there.
She touched her lips and bit her finger, her cheeks having a blush. That kiss was good, too good.
"That. Idiot."
This is bullshit. Why did Alex even agree to this? Who's was this idea that he had to wear a fucking monkey suit anyway?
"Hey, you almost done?" Fuck.
"Yeah, yeah. Gimme a minute." Alex called out and looked at himself in the mirror again.
He was wearing a fancy dark grey suit with a blood red button up shirt, a charcoal black tie, and a black vest. His hair was slicked back but it still had a messy feel to it.
'Well, damn, you look sharp. That Elise will be eating your balls by the end of the night.' Dana smirked and Alex did as well.
'Should've stabbed you in the heart years ago.'
'You hurt my feelings, bruh.' Dana sobbed in his mind and Alex smacked his head.
Sometimes that little sister of his is such a goddamn pest. The amount of bullshit she says all day is enough to get anyone to go coo coo in the head.
Alex got out of his room, looking sharp as always and met Elise outside his door.
How she got here, you ask? Well...
*Flashback*
Alex was just minding his own business, lying down on his comfortable couch after a hard days work with a side of elk pie by the table.
This was the life. A cozy home, a delicious pie, nothing could ruin this.
Then there was a knock on his door. The good doctor growled, he had been relaxing for two hours and someone just had to interrupt it.
He opened the door and was surprised to see Elise there. "What in the-"
"Hey, Alex, I hope you don't mind but I'm gonna change here so you won't bail out on me." She walked past him. "I got my outfit here and yours too. Here, change so we can go to my dear old dad's stupid party. I swear that man has blown a gasket ever since I began hanging out with you."
Alex opened his mouth to speak but Elise beat him to it. "Pssh, yeah right. All that is grade A bullshit if you ask me. I mean, who the hell does he think he is to stop me from hanging out with you. You, Alex, a fucking retard that almost killed me one or two times."
Okay, he'll admit to that but the retard thing was where Alex draws the fucking line! But once again, Elise stopped him cold.
"Yeah, so here. Take it and change, I'll be in your bedroom. I'll see you later you fucking asshole." She ran upstairs leaving Alex with his mouth hanging open.
"What the hell just happened?"
*Present Shit*
Even now, Alex still couldn't believe that he didn't even get to talk back at her like they always do. Not to mention she took his room.
'She better not be sniffing my underwear.' He growled and heard Dana laughing her ass off.
"About time your ass got here." Elise huffed, crossing her arms around her very profound chest.
Damn, this bitch has a rockin' body. And her dress...hoo...it does not do her justice. Think like those hoes in clubs but not too revealing, just enough to get the dick goin'.
Elise smirked and looked at Alex up and down. 'Mmm, looks delicious.' She moaned and began to feel a little wet between he legs.
'Beep, beep. Alert, we got a turned on bitch here. Awww, tonight my boy becomes a man. Finally.' Dana cooed and Alex gave her a mental smack on the head.
Alex huffed and walked past Elise. "Let's get this over with. Besides, what is this party all about anyway?"
They got into Alex's mustang and went on their way. "Some formal thing. I don't do formal. That's why I brought you, together we're gonna raise hell." Elise giggled with her signature sadistic side and Alex grinned.
"Hehehe, now I'm interested." As they drove to Elise's house, she took her time in staring at him.
She had to admit, he was really handsome in that suit. Red, and black suits him. 'Fuck, he looks scrumptious.' She mentally licked her lips but shook it off.
What the hell was she thinking. Alex was not her type. Right? Well, they had a lot in common. One above all was the tendency to get at each other's throats.
Alex drove to Elise's driveway and sure enough, there were cars there. So fuckin' beautiful that Alex just had to have one!
"Once this is over, I claim that Lamborghini over there." Alex pointed to the crimson super car and Elise smirked.
"Hehe, I'm in. And I want that one." She pointed to a lime colored Ferrari that Alex whistled in appreciation.
"Deal. At least if this party is too dull, we can go on a fucking joy ride." Alex chuckled and they shook hands, sealing the fate of those two unfortunate cars.
*The Cars*
"Hey, hey. Those two are gonna fuck us up!" Lambo said to Ferr.
"What?! No, not those two!" They began to cry anime tears.
"Oh good car god in heaven, please spare us!"
The heavens opened up and a light shone on them. "Sorry, fella's. You're on your own." And just like that, it ended.
*Back to Virus and Bitch*
They handed the keys to a car park helper what the hell they call them and walked to the door.
"You said this was a party, why the hell is it quiet?" Yeah, parties are supposed to have music. Without the music, there is no fucking party! What kind of bastards have a party with no music?!
"Yeah, about those formal gatherings..." Elise opened the door and Alex laid his eyes on the most horrific thing he had ever seen. "They're shit."
Everywhere in the house, there was nothing but pure boredom! And they didn't even had any TV! God, kill me!
Alex shed a single tear and Elise noticed. "What's wrong?"
"Nothing. It's just...I pity you for having go through this for god knows how long." Everybody tip your hats in respect to the tortured soul among us.
Elise sighed and linked arms with him. "Yeah, but now the real party can begin." They shared a demented grin and walked inside. By the end of the night, everyone will be in the nuthouse down the street.
Seriously, there is a nuthouse down the street. At the farther end of the block stood an ominous structure.
This building was all black, vines crawled up the wall and maniacal laughing from the doom patients there echoed in the night.
The plaque outside says, "Betrham Asylum - Where All Good Things Come To A Horrific End. Refunds Not Accepted."
See...
Let's see...boring violins, check. Idiots talking bullshit, check. Expensive booze, check. Fun, fuck no.
Alex and Elise grabbed some champagne glasses as other people stared at them before going about their own damn business.
"Man, this place is soooo boring. No wonder you wanted me to come." Alex grumbled and sipped in glass.
"I hear ya'." She downed her glass n one gulp and grabbed two shrimps. "I fuckin' hate formal." She gave the other one to Alex and they toasted the shrimps.
"Amen to that, bitch." He chuckled and ate the shrimp. And just for that, Elise stuck her shrimp in Alex's nose.
"For the 1,000,000th time, do not call me a bitch you emo fuck." Elise hissed and punched him in the chest which she would regret later on.
Alex bonked her on the head and blew the shrimp out of his nose. "Actually it's only the uh..." He stuck out his hands and began to count. "Let's see here, one, two..."
"Eh, you know what? Fuck you" Elise gave him the finger and Alex did the same to her.
"Fuck you too, bitch."
"Oh, you are so lucky this is a goddamn formal shit." She hissed and got into his face.
"Yeah? Bring it!" Alex stepped up, both of these idiots not noticing the stares they were getting.
Elise smirked and grabbed his suit. "You know, I never really got the hang of this but..." Out of all the things she did, you know what was the dumbest of the dumb?
She kissed him full on. And with her mother and father just got here and their jaws literally dropped to the floor once they saw their daughter kissing that retard!
"You know, I bet your old man's gonna love this." He grinned evilly as did she and Alex untangled himself from her. "And a one, and a two, and a..." He pointed to the right and...
"ELISE ABIGAIL McMILLAN!" The shrill voice of a girl erupted and Alex smirked at her.
"Points for that, you managed to piss off your mom." He would soon eat those words when it was Richard came storming in.
'That was him?!' The collective thoughts of Dana and Alex laughed at that. I mean, who wouldn't!
"Young lady, that was very irresponsible of you! Bringing him, of all people here!" Yep, Richard was chewing her ear out. If it weren't for that damn voice that is.
"I can bring whoever I want, father! And I want Alex!" Oh that goes both ways, if ya' catch my drift.
'Yup, you're in for it now buddy. Mind if I record you finally becoming a man tonight?' Dana asked and Alex smirked.
'Only if you let me - wait what?! The hell I'm gonna let you do that ya' perv!'
'Aw c'mon! I want this to be a feature film so I can pleasure myself.' Dana moaned and began fisting her ass and pussy. 'You know how hard it is to keep me entertained here!'
She pumped herself harder and harder until finally-
I'm sorry we're having technical difficulties at the moment due to some unforeseen circumstances. We will return to our scheduled show after these messages.
"Alex! ALEX! WAKE UP YOU LAZY BUM!" Whoever threw that hammer, may you someday be Jesus because what Alex had seen was...beyond hell.
Alex shook his head from that horrible nightmare. Hell, nightmare would be an freak shit understatement, that destroyed his appetite for the next fifty years!
"Uh, yeah. Oh, hi girly!" Alex smirked at Richard and looked over to Elise. "Fun fact, did you know your dad screams like a girl?"
Elise covered her mouth as she tried desperately to control her laughter. Oh she most certainly did know that but to have it told so plainly, so bluntly...
"Yes." She managed to squeak out and Richard's face was all red. Katherine came to her husband's side.
"Elise, stop this. This is your father." But it fell on deaf ears as Elise laughed her fine ass off.
"I'm sorry I'm sorry, HAHAHAHA, but you gotta OOHHAHAHAOO that was PSSHHAHAHA pretty funny!" Elise managed to compose herself but she still rippled with laughter.
Alex cleared his throat and they turned to him. "Thanks for inviting me to your dumbass party. The food sucks, the booze is dry, and the music bores me to death. But thanks for inviting me."
The guest didn't know if that was a compliment or an insult. What the hell, they were secondary characters anyway so why are they important again?
Oh yeah, nothing.
"Alex, show some manners." Elise giggled and nudged him with her hip.
"ENOUGH!" Richard roared...more like a meow but anyways. "You have disrespected my home, corrupted mu daughter, insulted my guests...!"
"Banged your wife."
"Banged my wife, and..." Richard noticed his mistake just as Elise and Alex were laughing on the floor. Oldest trick in the book.
"THAT'S IT!"
"SHOTGUN ON THE LAMBO!"
"SHOTGUN ON THE FERRARI!"
*The Cars*
"FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK!"
*The Virus and Bitch*
Alex and Elise ran out of the mansion laughing like the dicks they were and broke into their respective cars.
"Hey, what about your mustang?"
"Way ahead of ya'!" Alex dialed his phone and just like that, it exploded. "Haha, kiss my ass Mission Impossible!"
Elise laughed as well as her parents went outside and saw the burning wreckage of a car and two more roaring away. All that could be said was...
"Ain't that your ride?"
Alex and Elise were laughing the whole way back to his home. Oh man that was fun! Shit, who says formal events were dull?!
Entering his humble abode, Elise jumped on Alex's back and kissed his cheek. "Damn, Lexie. That was fun!" She giggled and Alex chuckled too.
"Pssh yeah, where would you be without me."
"Eh, probably in a dumpster somewhere trying to get that stupid music outta my head." Elise shrugged and got off him.
"Well, you're welcome to stay if you like. Not like I gotta choice is there?"
"Nah, you don't." Alex was about to go upstairs and sleep when he felt Elise trip him and got on top of him.
"Well, Lexie." She trailed one finger over his chin, down his chest and hovered over his midsection. "I think you deserve a reward."
Time to get the popcorn.