Juice was a train wreck. He was spiraling out of control barely holding it together. It would only take one small thing to push him over the edge. He needed a win. They all needed to close the Zobelle chapter in the story of Sam Crow. Jax watched his brother across the room at the clubhouse. He had been drinking a lot lately and this morning was no exception. Granted, he needed it after the night they'd had. The Sons had just come back from tracking down and taking out another two of Zobelle's inner circle. So far, William had come through on his word and even though he wasn't talking about how he knew Kit, it didn't matter to Jax anymore. As long as he was helpful, they'd protect him. They were getting close to Zobelle. With the way things were going, Jax figured they'd have him flushed out within the next few days.

Gemma walked into the clubhouse and over to her son, eyeing Juice at the bar. "How's he doing?"

Jax shook his head. "Beating the shit out of the people that did this helps but not by much."

"Rachel still not talking?"

"Not yet."

Unfortunately the woman the police found in Lodi behind the dumpster turned out to be the one and only Rachel. She was in rough shape when they brought her into the hospital but nothing too serious. The doctors said she'd been raped and beaten up so she just needed some time to rest and heal. They had her sedated for the first couple days so she could recover. She'd been awake the last four but she refused to talk to Juice or anyone, even Sam. Jax hoped that she could eventually come around and at least talk to Juice, give him some peace. Right now he felt completely responsible and it was killing him.

"She's being discharged this afternoon. I know she doesn't want to be here, but she still needs protection. It's not safe for her to be alone in Lodi," Gemma said, looking sympathetically over at Juice.

"Thinking about picking her up?"

"I've been there, baby. I might be the only one who she can talk to. Maybe I can convince her to stay with us."

Jax wasn't sure if Rachel would go for it. The one thing he had been sure of was that she'd want to be with Kit but his old lady hadn't fully woken up yet. She was off the breathing machine and the doctors said she was doing well. It would kill her to see Rachel the way she was so Jax hadn't told her anything the times she had been a little awake. Sam had been with her everyday so at least she wasn't alone. He really hoped that when Kit did find out about her cousin that she wouldn't push him or the club away. She had already done that once and he knew if she did it again, it wouldn't be easy to come back from.

"That'll be good. The last thing she needs is to be alone," Jax said. He gave his mom a kiss on the cheek and left the clubhouse. He planned on visiting Kit this morning but he was exhausted from their night. He'd go by St. Thomas later today.

Everyday he thought about what he was going to tell Kit when she was awake. What could he possibly tell her to not make her hate everything he was a part of? She had once told him that Rachel was more than just her cousin. She had been the only constant thing in Kit's life for a really long time, her confidante, her best friend. Jax knew that if Kit could reverse their roles, she would in a heartbeat and she would always feel irrationally guilty for the way things went down.

As Jax pulled into his driveway, he resigned himself to his thoughts. He needed Kit. He needed her awake, needed someone to talk to, just needed to be with her. Maybe today would be the day he got his wish.

When Kit opened her eyes, it felt like a million years had passed. Her mind felt like there was a fog permeating her thoughts but as she looked around, it was beginning to clear. She had no idea where she was at first. She tried to move but her right leg was heavy and hurt. She saw the plaster cast on it and when she saw the tubes and wires connected to her, she figured it all out. Then it came back to her, the car accident.

She sat for about fifteen minutes trying to piece that night all together. She was at the club, they had to leave and Sam was there. There was a flash of light and then nothing. She remembered seeing Jax looking down at her concerned. She also had seen Tara and Sam. Just then, her brother walked in the room. He was sporting a small dressing on his forehead. He rushed to her side when he saw she was awake.

"Kit, you're awake," he said smiling at her. "How are you feeling, sis?"

"What happened?" she asked, her voice coming out hoarse. She hadn't spoken in what felt like forever.

"There was a car accident. It's so good to finally see you awake. It's been a week. I should call Jax," he told her, whipping out his phone.

"No." Sam gave her a questioning look. "Where's Rachel?" When he couldn't meet her eyes anymore, she knew it was bad. As hard as she tried, she didn't remember seeing Rachel. The last thing she remembered was a scream. "Is she…alive?"

"Yeah, I'd tell you that."

Kit bit her lip, not wanting to ask but she had to know. "But she's not okay. Something bad happened."

Sam looked at his sister for a second, all bandaged up. He didn't want to tell her. He wished it wasn't him who broke the news. "She's going to be okay and that's what matters. She wouldn't talk to me but I've spoken to her doctor and she's getting discharged today or tomorrow."

She could feel her throat tighten, tears threatening to fall. She remembered. Rachel was scared of people watching her at the club. Sam picked them up and someone crashed into the car. Those guys took her and hurt her bad enough to land her in the hospital. They hurt her family to hurt SAMCRO. This was what she signed up for; this was the life she had wanted so badly.

"Tell me they got those bastards," she whispered, swallowing hard.

"Yeah, I mean they've been doing well supposedly. I don't know and I can't…it would compromise everything with our investigation but your friend William has actually been helping them. He came to me first but I figured the Sons could do more in the way of making this right."

That made no sense. "William? You're sure?"

Sam nodded. "He was freaked when he came in here. The club is protecting him."

Kit wiped the tears that fell. "You need to go talk to Rachel. She can't be alone right now. It's too much for her. She needs to be with someone who loves her and I obviously can't be there. Make her listen, Sam."

"Okay, I'll go and try again. I should really call Jax though. He's visited you everyday. I promised him I'd call when you were finally up," Sam said, looking into her eyes.

"No, I don't want to see him yet."

Sam couldn't believe the words that came out of his mouth next. "Kit, this wasn't his fault."

Kit looked away. "I know it's not. I'm not mad at him…I just need time to process. I'll just wait until he comes by."

He sighed and looked at his stubborn sister. He couldn't blame her in that if he woke up and found out something terrible had happened to his best friend, he wouldn't want to see anyone either. The last thing he wanted to do was leave her here alone. She needed to talk to someone and he knew it wouldn't be him, at least not now. Sam stood to leave and kissed his sister's head. He knew that it was pointless to argue with her. And besides, maybe Rachel would come around once she knew Kit was awake now.

Kit watched her brother leave and sat with the news he'd left her with. Sam didn't have to say exactly what happened; she knew what Zobelle's men were capable of. Rachel would never be the same. She would be damaged, just like Kit had been. It had taken her years to get over what had happened to her. This would be worse and she wondered if Rachel would ever be okay again.

She reached over to the phone beside her bed and dialed a number she hadn't used in a long time. He answered after a couple rings, giving her a couple seconds to think about what to say.

"Hey, it's Kit," she started with.

"You're okay," William said with the biggest relief in his voice. "Thank god you're okay."

"Yeah, I'm still alive. What are you doing, Will?"

He hesitated. "I don't really know anymore. I…you don't know what it's like to work with scum like that guy, Kit. The things I've seen, the things I can't forget. I hate myself for not doing anything, for helping him. When I heard about what happened, the accident…to Rachel." He paused. "I'm sorry."

Kit took a deep breath. "You tried to tell me that day you were waiting at my house. I wouldn't listen." She felt so stupid. If she weren't such a bitch to him, maybe this could have all been prevented. That regret hit her like a punch in the stomach. Her head started to hurt.

"When I heard, I sought out the agent you got to pick you up. I couldn't do nothing anymore."

"Why are you helping me? If you've seen so many horrible things, why choose this one to finally change things? I was the worst person in the world to you. Shouldn't this make you happy? This is me getting what's coming to me," Kit said, really believing it.

Will sighed. "I know it was bad at the end but we had a lot of good things before that. Maybe you don't remember things the way I do but I thought we were great together. Those memories just don't go away. I would never wish what happened on anyone, even you."

"I cheated on you."

"What are y-

"For months. Every memory you have of me is a lie. I'm not who you think I am. God, my name's not even really Kit West."

"Why are you saying all this?"

"You don't know me William, not really. You never did. The girl you dated was a fucking fantasy, a version of me that I thought I'd try on, a fucking experiment to see if I could really pull off a picture perfect life. But I can't do it anymore and honestly, you should stay as far away from me as you can."

Will was quiet for a minute before he hung up. Kit wasn't quite sure what possessed her to go there, to hurt him like that. He was helping the club, helping everyone. She just couldn't have him going on with this delusion about how they were perfect once. On the outside, maybe they were but it was never real to her. She cared about him but their whole relationship was a lie and it took being out of it to feel the implications of that. In the end, she got what she wanted out of the phone call, to feel terrible.

"I just need to stop by the garage for a minute," Gemma promised. "Then we'll go right home, baby."

Rachel nodded, feeling the anxiety level rise within her. She let Gemma pick her up from the hospital after she was discharged. She was the matriarch of the club and had always been like a mother figure to her and Rachel needed that right now. She still looked like a punching bag and felt worse so the last thing she wanted to see was anyone from SAMCRO, especially Juice. It would kill her to see him, to let him see her. She wouldn't have anything to say.

As she sat in the cadi, she bit her nails, waiting. Everything looked the same around here. There were more people around perhaps but it didn't seem like anything was off. There were a lot of bikes parked out front and a few Sons lingering near the door of the clubhouse. She knew Juice was inside. She just wanted to melt into the car. She closed her eyes and waited patiently.

Someone tapped on the window and startled her. It was Jax and she instantly wished she had never agreed to go with Gemma. She put the window down but kept her sunglasses on, not quite ready for him to look her in the eye.

"Hey Rach, how are you feeling?"

"Fine," she replied.

"I was going to go and visit Kit at St. Thomas. Do you want to come with me? Tara said she's awake now." Jax was tentative. He could tell she didn't want to be talking to him. She was practically squirming out of her seat.

Surprisingly, she nodded. "Yeah, but I'm not riding."

Jax agreed and they got into the TM truck. There was still no sign of Juice as they drove off the lot so in that, Rachel breathed a sigh of relief. She was so torn about him still. At least if Kit was awake now, she could talk to someone who she could trust. She hadn't heard much about her cousin since the accident. She'd been too wrapped up in her own shit.

"How's she been?" Rachel asked, pushing her sunglasses on top of her head.

Jax glanced at her. She still looked pretty rough. "Just recovering. She had some broken bones and internal bleeding but she's doing better now. She'll be happy to see you. I'm sure you're the first person she asked for when she woke up."

Rachel nodded. "How has everyone else been?"

"We got the guys that did this to you. Juice made sure of that."

"Don't try and get me to talk to him."

"He's broken up over this. This guilt is going to kill him."

Rachel scoffed. "He's the broken one? I'm never going to be the same. They ruined my life."

Jax looked at her as they pulled up to a red light. "I'm not going to pretend to understand anything going on with you and I know it's tough but shutting him out is only going to make things worse."

"You really think this is how I want him to see me? Bruised and ruined? I used to be fucking beautiful and now I'm just…nothing." Rachel closed her eyes and took some breaths so she wouldn't cry. "I'm not ready to see him and if I never am, that's how it's going to be. I was the one who got fucked over, the one who has to relive this nightmare constantly. He was the one who didn't answer any of my million phone calls. Maybe he should feel guilty."

Jax didn't have anything to say to that so they drove the rest of the way to the hospital in silence. He felt his fair share of responsibility for what happened that night but he knew that a lot of it was just bad timing. But nothing would make it right now.

After he parked the truck, he looked at Rachel. "I know you hate everyone right now and maybe Kit is the only one who can help you through this but Juice loves you more than anything and he's trying his best."

Rachel just sighed and lowered her oversized sunglasses, hoping to hide some of her face. "Hasn't anyone ever told you, Jax? Love is never enough," she said before hopping out of the truck.

A/N: Thanks for all the reviews/follows/faves! Glad to know people are still out there. Feeling re-inspired :) xo A