This one is kind of weird. Probably not what anybody—least of all me—was expecting after such a long hiatus. But I felt like I needed to address it. This chapter sets the record straight on my philosophy regarding the entire project. Or, at least, that's what it's supposed to do. I won't say more up here; I'll let Matsumoto do it for me.

Let's see what she has to say, shall we?


"Does the way he looks ever...bother you?"

Matsumoto lowered the still-full saucer from her lips and stared at Kira as if he'd grown an extra head. "...What?" she asked. They hadn't been here long, so it wasn't that she was too drunk to understand. She looked offended. "I hope you're not talking about what I think you're talking about."

"...Captain Hitsugaya," Kira said.

Matsumoto let out a sigh and shook her head. "By God, how many people are going to ask me that?" She downed her shot of alcohol and all but slammed the saucer onto the bar. "I'm not stupid enough to think that it's going to be kept private, but...damn it, can we stop focusing on how young he is?"

Kira swallowed nervously, and even Hisagi—sitting to his other side and trying his best to keep out of the conversation—stiffened and started looking in the opposite direction of his female compatriot. Mixing Matsumoto, anger and booze was never a good idea; it was a witch's brew of the highest, most dangerous order.

Her grey eyes were blazing, and Kira quailed.

"Uh...u-uh...n-n-n-never mind," he mumbled, and turned away.

"No, no, uh-uh," Matsumoto said sharply. "I don't think so. I'm going to make a guess, here, Kira, and say that your most honored captain put this question into your head. And I'm going to make another guess and say that the reason he put this question into your head is because he's at least smart enough not to ask me—or Heaven forbid, Toushirou—directly. Points for that. So what we're going to do, is we're going to follow this conversation to whatever conclusion needs to come, and you're going to inform your most honored captain to drop the subject if he wants to keep his limbs attached in the proper places. Deal?"

It wasn't so much a question as a dare.

"I'll do Kira a favor," Hisagi muttered, sounding like he didn't want to be saying this, "and ask the most obvious question: is your captain a virgin?"

Matsumoto smirked, and it was perhaps the most bitter expression ever seen on her face. "As far as I know," she said, in a tone so icy that they could almost see her breath, "the answer is yes. And to answer your next question, I have only seen him without clothing from the waist up. And to answer your next question, there are no particular plans to change either of those things in the near future."

Hisagi was grinning down at the bar in front of him. "So you know, Kira, this is my public service for the week. I will collect on the favor." He turned away. "Continue," he said, waving a hand dismissively in the air with his back to them.

Kira drew in a deep, calming, steadying breath. "So...you aren't...physical." He looked entirely too embarrassed, and Matsumoto was absolutely certain that Kudo had put him up to this. At the least, he had suggested it. Her anger abated the slightest bit; Kira was a victim in this, a largely unwilling pawn.

He clearly didn't want to know this information.

"Not in the sense that your captain is thinking, no," she said. "I'm not that depraved. A relationship can be based on something other than—what does he think he's going to do with this knowledge, anyway?" Kira flinched again. "Hasn't he gotten it through his thick head that Yamamoto accepts this? He's not going to gain any ground, no matter what my answers are. Why does he care?"

Kira seemed to wipe himself off, as if he'd been physically soiled. "I...don't know," he admitted.

"So kissing does not cross the line of depravity, is that right?" Hisagi asked, still with his back turned.

"Why do you care?" Matsumoto demanded.

"I don't. But Kira seems entirely too uncomfortable to ask the questions to which Kudo-taichou wants answers, so I figure I'll run up a tab. You know he's going to wonder, if your relationship is so pure, why you seem so willing to show...adult affection, shall we call it, in certain ways, but not in others."

Matsumoto scowled. "Mentally and emotionally, Toushirou is more an adult than most of us. And before you ask, the reason I don't seduce him, or whatever the hell he thinks I like to do on weekends, is because I'm not comfortable with it yet, personally. I am comfortable with the occasional kiss, and so is Toushirou. And as to why I can make these decisions and set these lines, the answer is it's none of Kudo-taichou's damned business. If he thinks he can convince me to move on to a more physically adult...companion, I think he's in for a rather rude awakening. I wouldn't pick him if I was ordered to do it. I'd go rogue, I'd accept execution, hell, I'd...I'd...! Damn it, Kira, your captain is an idiot!"

"I...um...tried to tell him...that it wasn't...a good idea to...um..."

"Kudo won't last long," Hisagi muttered. "His appointment was an act of desperation. He's only keeping his seat because a replacement hasn't been found yet. I've half a mind to suggest that Kurosaki kid take over the position. Doubt he'd accept, though."

Matsumoto noted Kira's glum, head-caught-in-a-guillotine expression and patted him roughly on the back. "Don't feel bad. Not your fault. Know what you should do? Tell him Toushirou and I have been sneaking off to random linen closets every spare moment to mark our territory or something. See if he actually explodes."

Kira actually cracked a smile. "...Right. I'll do that."

"See you party animals later," Matsumoto said as she stood up.

"Old age catching up to you, cradle robber?" Hisagi asked.

"Watch it, punk. I'll put you over my knee."

"Is that an offer?"

"Tch. You wish."

As she left, Hisagi let a grin sneak onto his face.

"Hasn't lost her touch," he murmured thoughtfully. He glanced at Kira. "Maybe there's hope for us after all, huh?"

Kira's small smile widened. "...Maybe."

"The Third Division is doomed."

Hitsugaya glanced over to the door of his office as his vice-captain stepped inside. "I've known that for months. I thought this was drinking night," he muttered.

Matsumoto gave a mocking little smile. "I guess a certain little goody-two-shoes is rubbing off on me," she said. "Which is entirely unfair, by the way. I like to do the rubbing off around here."

The white-haired captain rolled his eyes. "Masturbation jokes. Apparently it is the weekend, after all."

"Pervert."

"Hypocrite."

Matsumoto's smile softened as she noticed a certain little orange fluff-ball jumping up and down on her captain's desk, batting at Hitsugaya's pen with its tiny paws. Hitsugaya nonchalantly kept it out of the kitten's reach, almost looking like he wasn't doing it on purpose.

"Aw, look at that," Matsumoto said. "My pets are bonding."

"Meow," Hitsugaya offered, completely deadpan.

Matsumoto sat at her own desk and chuckled. "And people say you have no sense of humor."

She began to work, and all thoughts of Kudo Hideaki and his idiotic questions fled her mind.

Hitsugaya followed suit moments later, and they spent the evening in companionable silence.

Words were unnecessary.

The only sound that made itself known in the office that night...was tiny little kitten teeth gnawing on a pen.

So...anyone expecting me to go into adults-only territory with this story is hopefully disillusioned by now. I stand by my decision that this pairing works, because they're both far older than they look, and more than mature enough (most of the time) to make these types of decisions. However, Hitsugaya does still present a bit of a problem in the physical department, and I am in no hurry to explore the details. I do have standards, you know. They're just...kind of hard to find sometimes.

Hopefully, this diatribe made some amount of sense. And hopefully, I don't sound like a complete hypocrite. It makes sense to me, at least.

I think.