A recent death in the family is part of the reason for the delay in getting this chapter written and posted. Each piece I have put up recently has been at least partially inspired by that. A month ago tomorrow, my country lost one of its devoted servants. They say that there's no such thing as an ex-Marine, and nowhere was that truer than in my grandfather, who died on the 20th of May, 2011, at the age of 70.

You probably wouldn't have understood any of what I've been dedicating to your memory recently, Grandpa, but I hope the gesture is enough.

Semper fidelis.

"Look…I'll do what I can," said Kurosaki Ichigo, in a quiet voice that nobody in Soul Society had ever associated with him, "but I'm not a doctor. The old man…he might have an idea what to do, or Urahara-san, but…I defend. I don't heal."

"We know," said Ukitake, standing well clear of Ichigo as he stared into the sickroom where Zaraki Kenpachi looked ready to die, and Madarame Ikkaku was staring at the ceiling with a kind of intangible fury that ran so deep that Ichigo felt it pressing against him. He felt for the others, but it was the pair of 11th-divisioners that had caught, and held, his focus. He hadn't known Omaeda-fukutaichou from Adam; Kuchiki Byakuya he knew, but not very well. The man was still a mystery for the most part, and while it was clear that Rukia was most heavily effected by the fact that her Niisama was in danger of dying, it was Ikkaku and Kenpachi that kept drawing Ichigo's attention.

The idea that any sickness, living or dead, could hold those two down was so far beyond the scope of his understanding that it almost made him ill. This didn't happen. This couldn't happen. Not like this. They couldn't die like this.

And yet…

"Then what can I do here?" Ichigo asked his friend's captain, who actually looked healthy in comparison to the others in the room. Ukitake looked uncharacteristically grim, and he didn't look at Ichigo right away. "What, exactly, does the old man think I'm capable of? Call in my dad, call in Sandal-Hat, hell…call my sisters. They'd at least be able to help the situation, for fuck's sake!"

"We have their care…covered," Ukitake said. "Our very best are working around the clock to find a cure. We don't need help for them. We needs someone to fill in for them." He looked at Ichigo with a somber expression on his face. "The Ninth Division has been led by its vice-captain, Hisagi Shuuhei, ever since the defection. He is, of all the junior officers, the best suited to assist you. This court asks you, Kurosaki Ichigo…to take up the Ninth's captaincy."

Ichigo stared openly for a moment, sure that he'd misunderstood.

He whirled on Rukia, who didn't seem the least bit surprised.

"We have already spoken to Urahara Kisuke," Ukitake said, "and he has been in touch with your family. All are willing to accommodate you. We have extended an offer to the modified soul. If he agrees to take up your place in school, and cause none of his usual mischief, Kurotsuchi-taichou has agreed to relinquish the necessary resources to afford him a permanent body of his own. Your presence in the living world will be accounted for. Please, Ichigo-kun. We need you. All of Soul Society needs you."

"You have done more for this court than most of our officers combined," Rukia murmured softly. "Your strength is unmatched, your loyalty unquestionable. We have made mistakes in the past. We have forgotten that you are not, in spite of all that you have done, an official member of our organization. We have treated you unfairly, unjustly, and we have no right to expect this of you." She looked at her brother, then back at Ichigo. "Please, Ichigo. If you would help us now, I swear by everything I have ever believed…we will repay you. For everything. In whatever capacity we can, in whatever way you wish. Please. Please."

Ichigo looked from officer to soldier, from friend to leader, and found that his voice had left him. He had nothing to say. He didn't know what to think, what to do, how to react. His entire body seemed to go stiff as a statue, and his brain froze.

Eventually, he left out a heavy sigh, lowered his head.

"You don't have to make the decision immediately," Ukitake said, and it sounded like it was physically painful for him to say it. "I know that it is unfair to expect you to do something like this on such short notice. Please…think it over. But give us your decision quickly. We have very little time. If we don't act soon…this court will fall."

Ichigo shook his head and thought,

What else is new?

Kurosaki Yuzu was the strong one, regardless of how it may have looked on the outside. Her sister knew it better than anyone. Karin put up a strong front, she put on a tough mask, but she was the insecure one, the one who didn't know what to do with herself. Yuzu had known, from the word go, that when their mother died she was the one who would take up the slack. Yuzu had known what to do, how to do it, when to do it. She knew her place in life. She knew her role.

Karin didn't have the faintest clue.

On the outside, they were opposites; Yuzu was sensitive, empathetic, soft and gentle. Karin was brave, tough, closed-off. And on the inside, they were opposites, too; Yuzu was strong, resilient, able. Karin was unsure, frightened, stunted.

They had never been more like the twins they were supposed to be, though, than when their big brother called them into his room that night. If there was one thing on which the younger children of the Kurosaki family agreed without hesitation, it was on the subject of their brother. If anybody had asked them, point-blank, what their brother was…they both would have had the same answer, spoken with absolute conviction and no hesitation whatsoever.

"He's a hero."

Once he'd risen up past the pain, guilt, and hopelessness of Masaki's sudden departure from their lives, Ichigo had found himself. He was the protector. He was the shield. And when he called for them, they answered. They dropped whatever they were doing and ran to him, because they knew that it had to be important.

In the face of that, they were children again.

The eldest Kurosaki child was standing at his window when they slipped into his sanctuary, hands clasped behind his back. He was dressed like he always was; form-fitting jeans and a shirt just tight enough that it might be too small. He was impossibly tall that night, and when he turned to face his sisters, both Karin and Yuzu could see something in his eyes that they hadn't seen for years.

Grief.

He said, "I haven't really said much about what the hell I've been doing for the past hundred years. Feels like that long, anyway. I know you've been wondering. Haven't you? Why I haven't been around, why I haven't been taking you guys out to the movies or helping around the house or moping and cursing when Oyaji won't let me help in the clinic."

They wanted to say, No. You're growing up, that's what happens, it's okay, don't worry.

The last thing either of them wanted was for Ichigo to worry, or to feel guilty, or to be upset in any way. But they couldn't say what they wanted to say. They looked at each other, they looked back at their brother, and they nodded, all in sequence like they were being controlled by a single mind.

Ichigo stepped over to his bed and sat down, sighing.

"We've all known there're ghosts pretty much since we were old enough to talk," Ichigo said. "That there's a life after this one. We didn't know how it worked or what the hell it all meant, but we knew it was there." Yuzu was first to step over and sit next to him; Karin followed suit, sitting at his other side. They looked at him worshipfully, as though he was some kind of prophet. "Well, I found out a while back that it's not just haunting and exorcising and disappearing. There's a structure to it. There's a place. They call it Soul Society, 'cuz they're about as original as a soap opera and half as subtle. And this Soul Society has a military, to defend them. You know those ghosts we see? They're split into two categories. The normal ones are called Plusses. The others, the ones we need defending from, they're Hollows."

The girls were paying rapt attention, hanging on every word. Karin knew some of it already, and she'd told her sister enough of it that Yuzu probably understood. But it was the first time he'd actually said anything about why he disappeared for days, weeks at a time. They weren't going to interrupt him. If he thought they were blissfully ignorant of everything, so much the better.

"I've been working for them," Ichigo continued. "That's why I keep disappearing all the time. I'm in charge of defending our town from Hollows. They show up every so often, looking to consume other souls. The Plusses. They call us Shinigami."

Two identical sets of eyes went wide at the title.

"But...y'know, I'm not dead. So I'm not official. I'm a substitute. A representative. But..." He sighed. "Well. Y'know, it's dangerous, but we do all right. They usually let me come home in between big missions. I'm not enlisted, so they can't force me to stay."

"Ichi-nii..." Karin murmured, worried, "...why are you telling us this?"

"Oniichan?"

Ichigo sighed. "...They want me in. They're sick, a lot of the officers. Captains. The most powerful of the Shinigami lead the rest of them in military divisions. The captains are...crazy strong. Best of the best. But a bunch of 'em came down with something, and...they want me to come in, pick up the slack."

"Can you do that?" Karin asked. "They're going to let you in, just like that?"

"I haven't been to their acadamy," Ichigo answered slowly, "but I've got more intensive field experience than a lot of 'em. So...yeah. They're askin' me to lead one of the divisions."

"Lead?" Yuzu asked. "They're making you a captain?"

"...Yeah."

"An elite?" Karin asked. "You'll be one of the top brass?"

Ichigo chuckled, offering a smirk. "...Yeah, guess so."

"That...is the coolest thing I've ever heard."

"Oniichan's a military captain!"

"Yeah, yeah, it's cool," Ichigo said, smiling and ruffling his sisters' hair. "But...it means I'm staying there. In Soul Society. They're going to get a replacement to go to school for me, help out around the house. I don't know how long I'll be there."

Karin's face fell. "...Again."

"Yeah," Ichigo said. "Again."

Yuzu looked sad. "...Can you visit? Sometimes?"

"I dunno."

"Can we visit sometimes?"

"...I'm not sure."

Looking crestfallen, the girls nodded. "It sounds important," Karin said. "You have an important job. They wouldn't ask if they didn't need you. So...so..." She hugged him. "Be careful, Ichi-nii."

Ichigo held her to him, stroking back her hair. "...I'm always careful, Karin."

Yuzu hugged her brother next. "Be safe!" she cried.

"Don't worry," Ichigo said, pulling Yuzu close with his other arm. "I'll probably be safer than usual now. I won't be fighting. I'll probably be doing paperwork or something." This seemed to calm both of his sisters, but the elder Kurosaki couldn't help but wonder if he believed it. He didn't know what this sickness was. He didn't know if it only affected the spirits of the dead; if it did, he was probably safe.

But...that didn't mean anything.

If there was one thing Kurosaki Ichigo had learned as a Shinigami, it was that expectations didn't mean a damned thing.

The Shinigami came to the Kurosaki household that night. They came in through Kurosaki Ichigo's bedroom window, as was par for the course by now, to find that Ichigo was not there. Instead, an older man, with a thick black beard and messy black hair, was seated at the desk, watching them.

"You never change, Ukitake," said Kurosaki Isshin. "Though I wouldn't have expected you to come in through the window. That's new."

The white-haired man chuckled with a faint blush. "Yes, well...Kuchiki seems fond of it." He gestured, and Kuchiki Rukia hopped up into the room. "We had hoped to speak to your son."

"I'm sure," Isshin said, standing and crossing his arms. "I'm afraid, tonight, that I can't allow that." As the softspoken captain started to speak, he added, "I'm sure he intends to accept the mission you've given him. But he can start tomorrow. He will start tomorrow." The doctor's face turned hard. "I do hope that I have made myself clear?"

Ukitake frowned. "...May I ask why this must be postponed?"

Isshin seemed to think on this for a moment, then gestured vaguely. The two shinigami followed him as he stepped down the hall. Out in the front room, in front of the television, were his children.

Ichigo sat in the middle of the couch, head laying back and snoring loudly. A videogame controller was lying in his lap. Using her brother's knee as a pillow, Karin lay huddled beneath a blanket. Yuzu was cradled against Ichigo's other side. A second controller lay on the floor.

Ukitake Jyuushirou saw this, and understood.

"Now, what were you saying?" Isshin asked.

He nodded. "We'll be back tomorrow," he said.

The retired Shinigami smirked. "That's what I thought."

And thus ends the 50th chapter of "Best I Am," perhaps the most surprising piece of work I've ever put out on the intarwebz. It started almost purely as an experiment, dedicated to fleshing out my favorite characters and figuring out why I found them so fascinating.

Now it's growing into its own version of the Bleach universe, with a number of layers and a level of complexity I never anticipated. That isn't to say I'm some deep, revolutionary wordsmith who breathed new life into the franchise or anything nearly so arrogant; I only mean to say that I never intended for things to go this far. I never saw it turning into anything more than a fun little experiment.

Funny how things work out that way.

I hope you enjoyed the ride so far. Here's to another 50.

Take care, all. 'Til next time.