A/N: Trigger warning: slight mention of self-harm at the end.
Beca finds herself huffing in exhaustion as she desperately tries to keep pace with the running Chloe. A few days after the cheek kiss, Chloe brought up how Beca said she wanted to work out with her. And that is how Beca finds herself now, running behind the sports bra clad Chloe while doing interval sprinting. What the hell even is that, Beca continually thinks to herself. When the ginger ahead of her comes to a stop and bends over to stretch, the brunette's eyes fail her and go right to the point of interest pointing at her.
"Time to stretch," Chloe breathes, "and get your eyes off my ass."
The ginger winks as Beca rolls her eyes and stretches with the girl. Upon the pair finishing their stretches, Chloe leads Beca back to her apartment, while jokingly rubbing her sweat on the freshman.
"You are disgusting," Beca smiles when the ginger wipes her forehead on Beca's bare forearm.
After wiping her sweat on the freshman, Chloe grabs Beca's wrist and turns it over, "How have you been doing, Becs?"
The brunette quickly retracts her arm, "Good. And I actually mean it."
The senior smile widely, "Good! You need to be good, to be ready for the Riff-Off."
Beca frowns, "Yeah, Jesse told me about that! What the hell is it?"
Chloe's expression falters when Jesse's name is brought up, but it quickly returns to normal. It was short enough for Beca to not notice. Chloe smiles, "I'll explain on the walk to my apartment, but it is your opportunity to show Aubrey the talent you have and how you can change this group."
Beca smiles and raises an eyebrow as she attentively listens to Chloe.
Twenty minutes later, Beca finds herself sprawled out on Chloe's bed as she hears the ginger belting lyrics in the shower. The brunette brushes through her wet hair from recently showering, and she listens to a variety of music on Chloe's phone to get ready for the practice Riff-Off tonight. Beca finds herself dozing off as an old Spice Girls song starts following through her earbuds.
The freshman wakes up to a kiss on her forehead. She cracks her eyes open to see luminous blue eyes way closer than she expected, almost to the point of almost having to cross hers to focus. She feels cool minty breath exhaled on her face.
Beca shakes her head to look away from the lips of Chloe and she smiles, "What are you doing, Chloe?" She laughs.
Chloe blows air on the brunettes face again, "Does my breath smell like egg?"
Beca quickly whips her head back with a befuddled expression at the random question, "Uh, no, it smells like mint. Why are you asking this?"
The ginger sits back and sighs, "Last year the Bellas captain, Alice, told me that my breath smells like egg all the time. And I've just been really self-conscious about it ever since."
The younger girl sits up, "Well don't worry about it. Your breath is perfect, just like you."
Beca means to make this sound sarcastic and as a joke, but halfway through the sentence, her tone sounds serious as she focuses in on Chloe's eyes. Chloe bites her lip, and it makes Beca lose her breath for a second. The young DJ feels the backs of her bare arms tingle as Chloe's hands make it to her arms and she rubs her hands up and down. Chloe's beautiful face blurs as it gets closer. That's when the door flies open.
"Chlo, time for the practice Riff-Off!" Aubrey's shrill voice breaks through the air.
At the sudden interruption, Beca finds herself flying off the bed. She has never moved so fast. Her mind sprints and her arms burn. Did Chloe almost kiss her? That's not okay, it's wrong. She doesn't like girls. Even though the deepest part of her brain knows she wishes Aubrey opened that door five minutes later.
"Oh, Beca, you're here too. Well time to go," Aubrey barks.
For the first time ever, Beca finds herself listening to Aubrey, as she pulls her jacket off a chair and follows Aubrey out of the room. Beca digs her nails into her palms, until she feels a hand on her lower back while leaving the apartment. She looks at Chloe who is touching her.
"You okay?"
Beca nods, because words are failing her right now. Even though she isn't okay. She almost just did one of the ultimate wrongs that her parents taught her. She is the last thing from being alright. And when Chloe smiles widely at her and her stomach lurches, she wants to punch herself in the face.
"Are you sure?"
"Yeah," Beca's voice cracks in a way that Chloe immediately notices she's lying.
Chloe narrows her eyes and then smiles, she looks to Aubrey ahead of them and then back to Beca. She leans forward and pecks the brunette's cheek, "I'm here when you want to tell me what is wrong."
The freshman's nervous stomach lurches in a way that is too good at the contact of the ginger's lips on her cheek. She feels the heat flow to her cheeks as her conflicted mind screams. Chloe takes in her face completely and pats the younger girl's shoulder before matching pace with Aubrey.
Beca matches pace with the girls and walks quietly as her mind screams. Her cheek still burns. It's wrong, she simply can't possibly feel that way towards another girl. It's a sin. She feels her self-hatred swallow herself up, why is she so terrible?
The trio arrives to the rehearsal space, and awaits the rest of the group's arrival. Beca is too busy dying in her thoughts to listen to Aubrey and Chloe do their best friend talking. The brunette just keeps repeating an internal mantra about how much she hates herself. The young girl fiddles with her phone and texts Jesse, he's a cute distraction. A distraction that isn't a sin.
Beca: Practicing this Riff-Off to beat your ass tomorrow, Swanson.
Jesse: You don't even know the big guns that you are going to get shot with (and romanced with by me)! No practice will save you!
Beca: You're an idiot.
Jesse: You love it. :)
Beca closes her phone when all the Bellas arrive, and Aubrey leads the girls to the empty pool. Beca doesn't question how this is going to look like a scene from 8 Mile. The brunette kicks at the sidewalk as she listens to Fat Amy entertaining the group. It doesn't take long to trespass into this pool space. The group stands, facing each other and awaiting Aubrey's instructions.
"Alright, practice Riff-Offs. I emailed you all the rules. We will split to three teams and compete," Aubrey begins. "Team One: Me, Lily, Jessica, and Denise. Team Two: Chloe, Cynthia Rose, and Ashley. And Team Three: Fat Amy, Beca, and Stacie. Now group up!"
Beca groups up with the funny duo, as the pair jumps up and down in excitement. She is a good fifteen feet across from Chloe's team, and Chloe makes a cracking the whip motion and mouths something along the lines of "I'm going to make you my bitch." Beca smiles as Aubrey pulls a category from a bowl with pieces of paper in it.
"Alright, first category: 1990's ladies!" Aubrey steps back, "And begin!"
When everyone hesitates, Aubrey starts belting TLC lyrics:
"Don't go chasing waterfalls,
Please stick to the rivers and the lakes that you're used to,
I know that you're gonna have it your way or nothing at all,
But I think you're moving too fast."
The girls start making the backup noises to the classic, and Denise accompanies Aubrey:
"Little precious has a natural obsession, For temptation but he just can't see,
She gives him loving that his body can't handle,
But all he can say is 'Baby-'"
Chloe steps forward and faces Aubrey and interrupts:
"'Baby, how's your day?'
But today, it ain't the same,
Every other word is 'Uh huh', 'Yeah, okay'
Could it be that you are at the crib with another lady
If you took it there
First of all let me say
I am not the one to sit around and be played
So prove yourself to me
I'm the girl that you claim
Why don't you say the things
That you said to me yesterday!"
Chloe signals to the girls and points at Beca with a wink, before returning it to the chorus:
"Say my name, say my name
When no one is around you,
Say baby I love you
If you ain't runnin' game
Say my name, say my name
You actin' kinda shady,
Ain't callin' me baby
Why the sudden change?
Say my name, say my name
If no one is around you,
Say baby I-"
Beca sprints out to the middle to be right in front of Chloe to stop the girl as she tries to serenade her with Beyoncé. She thinks of the most recent song she's heard:
"I'll tell you what I want, what I really really want,
So tell me what you want, what you really really want,
I'll tell you what I want, what I really really want,
So tell me what you want, what you really really want,
I wanna, I wanna, I wanna, I wanna, I wanna really really really wanna zigazig ha."
Stacie and Fat Amy do backup vocals to the dancing Beca. Stacie grinds on the awkward Beca as Fat Amy takes over:
"If you want my future forget my past,
If you wanna get with me better make it fast,
Now don't go wasting my precious time,
Get your act together we could be just fine
I'll tell you what I want, what I really really want,
So tell me what you want, what you really really want,
I wanna, I wanna, I wanna, I wanna, I wanna really really really wanna zigazig ha.
If you wanna be my lover, you gotta get with my friends (gotta get with my friends)
Make it last forever friendship never ends,
If you wanna be my lover, you have got to give,
Taking is too easy, but that's the way it is."
"Boom, bitches!" Beca exclaims breathlessly, and halts Stacie's motions that the two both got too into. And Beca notices Chloe's bright red face, and it takes the brunette a moment to register that Chloe is jealous. If looks could kill, Stacie would be dead. It was all in good fun, everyone knows that, but Chloe is peeved. And Beca almost doesn't know how to feel about it.
"Nice job, ladies!" Aubrey steps forward, "Beca, you surprised me. Good job."
Beca notices Chloe giving her the same proud smile she gave her at tryouts and in the shower, and Beca returns it with a wide and prideful smile.
Aubrey shrugs, "Alright one more round!" She pulls a piece of paper, and scrunches her eyebrows, "Female Rappers."
Cynthia Rose sprints forward before Fat Amy has time to go out:
"Is it worth it, let me work it
I put my thing down, flip it and reverse it
I put my thing down, flip it and reverse it
If you got a big, let me search you
And find out how hard I gotta work you
I put my thing down, flip it and reverse it
I'd like to get to know you so I could show you
Put the pussy on you like I told you
Gimme all your numbers so I-"
Stacie runs out, and her rapping skills are lacking, so Beca quickly takes over:
"I could hold you down, like I'm givin' lessons in physics (right, right)
You should want a bad bitch like this (huh?)
Drop it low and pick it up just like this (yeah)
Cup of Ace, cup of Goose, cup of Cris
High heels, somethin' worth a half a ticket on my wrist (on my wrist)
Takin' all the liquor straight, never chase that (never)
Rooftop like we bringin' '88 back (what?)
Bring the hooks in, where the bass at?
Champagne spillin', you should taste that."
Fat Amy steps forward and starts singing Charli XCX's lyrics:
"I'm so fancy you already know,
I'm-"
Chloe sprints forward and makes direct eye contact with Beca:
"I'm feelin' my, feelin' myself
I'm feelin' myself, I'm feelin' my, feelin' my, feelin' myself
I'm feelin' myself, I'm feelin' my, feelin' myself
I'm feelin' myself, I'm feelin' my,"
The girls on Aubrey's team and Chloe's team do backup as Chloe dances like Stacie does, basically groping herself and singing sexually.
"I'm with some hood girls lookin' back at it
And a good girl in my tax bracket
Got a black card that let Saks have it
These Chanel bags is a bad habit
I-I do balls, Dal Mavericks, my Maybach, black matted
Bitch, never left but I'm back at it
And I'm feelin' myself, jack rabbit
Feelin' myself, back off,
Cause I'm feelin' myself, jack off
He be thinking about me when he whacks off
Whacks on? Wax off
National anthem hats off, then I curve that bitch-"
Beca knows Chloe is getting to her, knowing from how turned on she is. Wait, what? Chloe keeps winking at the freshman throughout the rap verse and the action sends a launch of feeling to the bottom of the freshman's stomach. She can't let Chloe win, she runs forward, face-to-face:
"Bitch, us straight
These girls are my sons, John and Kate plus eight
When I walk in, sit up straight, I don't give a fuck if I was late
Dinner with my man on a G5 is my idea of an update
Hut one, hut two, big titties, big butt too
Fuck with them real bitches who don't tell bitches what they up to
Had to show bitches where the top is, ring finger where the rock is
These hoes couldn't test me even if their name was pop quiz
Bad bitches who I fuck with, mad bitches we don't fuck with
I don't fuck with them chickens unless they last name is cutlet
Let it soak in like seasonin'
And tell 'em, tell 'em blow me, Lance Stephenson."
The sexualized ordeal ends in Beca's team's hands, as Beca drops an imaginary mic when done with the verse. Beca feels her eyes and Chloe's burn into each other throughout the whole verse, as Beca did a lot of overconfident ass shaking throughout that verse. But what she did during the rap compared to Stacie and Fat Amy made her look like an angel.
"Okay," Aubrey breaks through the tension between Beca and Chloe, which apparently the duo only notices, "Beca, Fat Amy, and Stacie, you are the winners."
"Sweet! What do we win?" Fat Amy exclaims.
"We didn't think about that," Chloe says to Aubrey and the group.
"First rounds of drinks for you three after we win that Riff-Off tomorrow are on me!" Aubrey exclaims.
Stacie and Fat Amy whoop, and Beca smiles. "So are we dismissed, sir?" Beca asks.
"Yes, rest well tonight, aca-bitches!" Aubrey yells, almost sounding happy.
Beca feels an arm looped through hers and she turns to Chloe who has red cheeks. The pair discreetly leaves the group and towards Beca's dorm, which is quite close. The pair walks in the brisk silence, with a new huge ass tension in the air. The pair stops outside the door of Beca's dorm and face each other.
"You did great, Becs," the ginger smiles as she hugs Beca for a long time.
"You did too, I didn't know you had it in you." Beca smirks and puts her hands in her pockets.
"I'm more than what meets the eye," Chloe winks. "But you, lady, are crazy! Spice girls, Iggy, and Nicki, damn girl it was sexy!"
Beca is thrown back at the words of Chloe. The pair lock in an intense staring match, and Beca realizes in that moment as Chloe singing Feeling Myself and provocatively dancing, for Beca, that she is attracted to the ginger. The brunette is feeling something that makes her hands tingle and her stomach churns. She wants to kiss the girl, but she instantly is met with the voice in her head saying that she can't like a girl. I'm an abomination, Beca thinks to herself. Reality crashes on the girl and she can barely breathe.
"Alright, I will see you tomorrow! Good night," Beca breathes out and rushes into her dorm and shuts the door in Chloe's face before she can speak.
The brunette feels the tears rushing down her cheeks. She is everything wrong. She is an abomination condemned to Hell. She hates herself and she reaches under her bed for her razor blades as she screams into her pillows. She needs to cut now, it will alleviate the pain of being a sin. She needs to cut. She cries loudly when her skin breaks under the pressure and blood seeps up. She has never hated herself more than now as she continues to think of Chloe's beautiful blue eyes and smile against her will, despite the pain.
A/N: Citing the songs: Waterfalls/TLC, Say My Name/Destiny's Child, Wannabe/Spice Girls, Work it/Missy Elliot, Fancy/Iggy Azalea ft. Charli XCX, Feeling Myself/Nicki Minaj ft. Beyoncé, and Only/Nicki Minaj ft. Drake, Lil Wayne, and Chris Brown! Writing a Riff-Off was fun! Thanks for all the feedback, tell me what you think!