I Dreamed a Dream (of banana pancakes) - A Dragon Age Inquistion Fan Fiction by Foxfire79 (Cullen/Inquisitor)
Disclaimer: I don't work for Bioware, nor have I ever been involved with the creation of any of the characters within the Dragon Age universe. I'm just playing with them (as we were meant to). The only original characters are the ones I created in-game, and have brought over to the fanfic universe: Ceridwen Cousland, my human female rogue Grey Warden from DA:O, Rhiannon Hawke, my female rogue from DAII, and most importantly Lilah Trevelyan, my human female rogue Inquisitor who is currently breaking heads and taking names while tearing around Thedas. Apparently I like being a rogue, human and female. Who knew?
So it's been a really busy two months. I'm really sorry it took this long for me to get back to it, but hey! I've got two weeks holidays starting right now, so I'll be doing a lot of catching up! So this is a Cullen centric chapter, yay! I was going to make this the last part, but then the second half was getting far too long (yes I'm working on it right now, should be done in the next couple of days!). Just wanted to get this out so you guys knew I was still alive! Wooh!
Previously...
She landed on something soft, thankfully, but then found herself being restrained, her arms stretched above her head and a heavy weight settled across her abdomen and legs. She opened her eyes and found herself staring into Cullen's slightly confused hazel eyes. He was still wearing the rumpled red shirt from the previous night, and he looked like he hadn't had a wink of sleep all night or day. His stubble was twice as thick and dark as it usually was, and his usually neat hair was quite mussed. He looked utterly masculine and handsome, and he was pushing her down into his bed. His mouth gaped open, as he suddenly realised who had literally fallen into his lap.
"Li... Inquisitor?"
He'd almost called her by name. Last night had actually happened. Maker's Breath! Lilah blinked up at him, squirming a little bit under his weight. He noticed her moving, but still didn't loosen his grip. It was possible he thought he was dreaming, much like she had thought so last night. She smiled at him brightly, relaxing back into the pillow. It would be easier not to struggle.
"Hello."
He squinted at her, as if still trying to understand how she'd just fallen through his roof and into his bed.
"Ummm... Hello?"
Lilah rolled her neck to the side and looked at him, a small smile playing across her lips.
"Cullen... We need to talk."
Now...
(Much) Earlier that morning...
He wasn't hiding. Grown men didn't hide in their quarters. He was merely... strategising. Weathering the storm. Trying to the best of his abilities to make the most of the situation. So he wasn't hiding. Or sulking. Grown men definitely didn't sulk when things didn't go their way. They took a deep breath, took the entire situation into account, and moved on. Right now, that meant sitting behind his desk and gazing blankly into space, regretting everything that had occurred the previous evening. How could he have done that to her, of all people? The Inquisitor, in his arms, whispering his name, pressed so tightly against his body... Cullen groaned, letting his head fall forward to land solidly on his desk. He repeated the move a few more times, uttering the word 'stupid' just to drive the message home. He was a complete fool. At the time he'd felt that they'd both needed the release (even though he'd not actually reached a release himself), but since he'd left her room not an hour ago the reality of the situation had completely hit him. He'd taken advantage of her, the only woman he'd truly started to have feelings for. True enough, she had admitted to finding him attractive, and had been flirting with him the entire evening, but Maker be damned she'd been drugged! HE had been in complete control of all of his faculties, but still...
Cullen's thoughts were interrupted by a soft knocking at one of his three doors. Ah, the door that led to Solas' quarters and short-cut to the library.. He eased out of his chair slowly, rubbing his abused forehead, and made his way to the door, opening it a crack. Solas stood in the opening, peering into the darkened office, seemingly surprised that there were no lights burning.
"Oh good, you're still awake Commander. If I may have a moment of your time?"
He stood politely in the doorway, not pushing through. The mage always had impeccable manners. Cullen sighed and opened the door more widely, allowing him entrance to his office.
"Was there something else, Solas?"
The elven mage looked at him, startled. Cullen didn't usually address him by name, he usually used 'Ser Mage' or no title at all. He was still quite leery of Mage's in general, and to so casually call him by his name... Cullen's tired and contrite brain must have been finally giving in to the stress of the evening. Solas seemed to gather his thoughts, then turned to address him.
"I was considering offering you an... option for today. To help you get some rest. Which, by the way, looks sorely needed."
Cullen chuckled, rubbing a hand through his already messed up hair.
"Do I honestly look that bad? Maker, all I need is a sleep..."
Solas steepled his fingers and looked at Cullen kindly.
"I can magically seal your doors for you, so no-one can come in and interrupt your rest. The spell also dulls the sound, so even if someone was knocking it wouldn't wake you. Is that something you think..."
Cullen closed his eyes, raising his face to the ceiling.
"Maker, yes! I don't want anybody coming near here today. There are some... things I need to sort out. The Inquisition can do without me for one day, surely."
Solas nodded, and moved toward the right hand door, hands raised. The door-frame glowed a deep yellow for a moment, then returned to normal. He moved to the left hand door and repeated the procedure, then moved back to the centre door, which led back to his own quarters.
"You'll be the only one able to open any of these, seeing as they are YOUR doors. Anyone else will be stuck on the outside unless you let them in. Of course, as soon as you let anyone in, the spell is void and your office is once more open to the public. I, of course, will still be able to enter, being the caster of the spell, but you'll have no fear of me interrupting your slumber. I'll leave you to your rest, Commander."
Solas turned to leave, readying himself to seal the last door, but Cullen stopped him with a light touch to his arm.
"Solas, why is it that you sometimes still refer to me as 'Knight Captain'? You of all people should know that's not my title anymore, being a Mage and an apostate at that. So why do you do it?"
Solas smiled brightly as he closed the door behind him, and answered just before he sealed it.
"Oh, that's an easy one. I do it to annoy you."
The door glowed brightly, then the glow subsided, leaving Cullen in stunned silence. He did it to annoy him? He felt the corners of his mouth turning up, and he couldn't help a snort of laughter from escaping. Who knew the elf was a master of being passive -aggressive? He wandered over to his desk and slumped back down into his chair, ready to begin wallowing again. Why hadn't he just told her she was awake from the beginning? Why had he decided that lying to her and going along with every one of her random whims would help the evening along? Why... had her body responded so readily to his? Why had her lips and tongue awoken to his touch with such fervour? Why had her sweet words affected him so much? He could feel his member starting to stir with the memory of her writhing against him as he'd pressed her against the cool stone of the window frame. He wouldn't give in to this, he couldn't. Giving in would prove he had a weakness, and the Commander of the Inquisition's army could not show any weakness. He would endure the memory, and not indulge in any more fantasies involving Lil... the Inquisitor. He would return to being distant and formal, only speaking with her at meetings, remaining in his office at all times just in case she was out and about... maybe he could enlist a few of Leliana's scouts to let him know when she was heading towards his office so he could make himself scarce... No, that was taking it too far.
He'd have to learn to live with the fact that she most likely wouldn't remember any of the events of last night. He'd have to try and bury the memories himself, but that would be a much harder task. Every time he closed his eyes he could see her undressing, reflected in that confounded mirror, her flesh revealing itself to him in sweet slow motion. He could feel her legs wrapping around him, her hands roaming down the muscles on his back, her touch so light and soft it almost tickled him. Her eyes after she'd had her release, half closed and heavy lidded, still filled with desire for him... Maker's Breath! None of this was helping! He looked down at his lap in consternation, throwing his hands up in the air. He was acting like a teenager again. This was ridiculous! He stood up from his leather desk chair, and started pacing around the room, hands raking through his hair.
Maybe... he could leave? He should leave. That was the answer. Where could he go? Perhaps he could visit his sister Mia, stay with her for a while until he sorted his life out, found a new job, drove the memory of Lilah's lips and her maddeningly soft skin from his memory... he slammed his hand against the bookshelf, shaking the heavy oak object with the impact. Stop thinking about her, stop thinking about her... His palm was turning red, but luckily he hadn't received any splinters from the hard wood. He would go and stay with Mia, try his hand at working on the farm again, spend some time outside in the fresh air, away from armies, templars, mages, and... HER. Maker's Breath. His brain was incorrigible. He sat back down in his desk chair, grabbed a piece of paper and a quill and tried to figure out how to write his resignation letter.
To whom it may concern...
No, he knew exactly who would be reading this. He balled up the piece of paper and threw it across the room, reaching for a fresh one.
To Leliana, Josephine and Cassandra...
No. He knew SHE'D be reading it as well. It would be far too obvious if he left her name off the missive. Another squashed sheet of paper sailed across the room, landing neatly beside the first one. Even when throwing rubbish Cullen was a perfectionist.
To Leliana, Josephine, Cassandra and Lilah...
NO. He balled this page up rather violently and threw it somewhat harder than the first two. It bounced of the wall and rolled halfway back toward his desk.
To Leliana, Josephine, Cassandra and Inquisitor Trevelyan...
Much better.
It is with great...
Great what? Sadness? Regret? Romantic Issues?
It is with great sorrow that I must tender my resignation from my position as leader of the Inquisition's standing army. As Lady Cassandra knows, I have been going through a great many issues regarding leaving the Templar life behind, specifically giving up lyrium. I have found that many of my senses have grown duller, while other issues have arisen...
But were now abating, thank goodness...
... which may have a detrimental effect on my abilities to coordinate and safely maintain a commanding role within the Inquisition's army. I have truly enjoyed these past few months working with all of you, and wish you all the best of luck...
The best of luck with what? Dealing with the end of the world? Killing demons? Dealing with poisonous Orlesian nobles? Wishing them the best of luck with their future endeavours was a painfully trite way to end such a life changing letter.
...with your future endeavours. Cullen Rutherford (Former Commander)
If, no, WHEN he left, Cassandra would most likely be tasked with finding some poor sod to replace him. At least the Inquisition's army was in a better state now then when Cullen had first encountered it. And they were based in Skyhold now. When Cullen had first seen Haven's meagre quarters and training grounds he'd almost turned around and left. He had seen the potential of the recruits though, and felt the excitement of every new person who arrived, proud to be joining such a world-changing movement. Of course, one of the most excited newcomer's had been... Lilah. And there was her face again, coming up unbidden as soon as he thought of her name.
He had to rethink this. Leaving would cause too much trouble for everyone else. What to do, what to do...? He drummed his fingers against the desk, then slumped further into his chair, staring into space again. He blew out a deep breath, leaning his neck back to look out through the hole in his roof. The sun was up, at least. He had no idea what time it was, seeing as he couldn't hear any of the hour bells, thanks to Solas' spell. He didn't know how long he'd paced about, but he knew it had taken him almost an hour to jot down those few lines of text. The one main reason for this was he didn't want to leave the Inquisition. It was the most fulfilling and enjoyable job he'd ever held. Being a Templar had been fine seeing as it was all he'd been used to at the time, becoming Knight Captain then Knight Commander had been following the natural progression of things in the Templar order. But where to from there? He had seen that there were major problems arising within the order, especially after Meredith's fall in Kirkwall. It had been pure luck that Cassandra had been there at all to find and conscript him. She'd only been there to look for the Champion. What would have happened to him if she hadn't happened by the Gallows to ask after Hawke's whereabouts? He most likely would have ended up with more than just a scarred lip. His first encounter with the Red Templars had given him that scar, and he didn't want to bring some brand new person into such a dangerous situation, even with all the new information Lilah had acquired about them. It would be too cruel.
He closed his eyes from a moment, trying to think up another option... And woke up with a start, his neck bent in a most uncomfortable way. He was still slumped down in his chair, but the muscles in his back and legs were crying out to be stretched. He'd actually fallen asleep. For how long, he had no idea, but the sun seemed a little higher. He guessed it was around eleven in the morning. Lilah... The Inquisitor was probably in the throne room, dealing with whatever issues had arisen around Skyhold while she'd been absent, or sentencing some of the lowlife's she'd incarcerated on her travels. He could picture her now, sitting on the dragon's maw throne, her forearms resting on her thighs, fingers steepled, listening ever so carefully to all the testimonies to make the most well thought through judgement. She always tried to make sure her judgements were fair. He'd often watched her, during her judgements, just lingering in the background where she wouldn't notice him. When she was concentrating on something, a small crease would form between her eyebrows. Cullen thought that crease was rather endearing.
He stood up and stretched, his spine cracking as he rolled his shoulder's back. He noticed the small vial of liquid sitting on his desk and chuckled. He hadn't needed that sleeping draught from Solas after all. Though two or three hours didn't count as a proper rest it was better than nothing. He paced the room a couple of times to stretch his legs, then sat back down at the desk, grabbing a fresh sheet of paper. Right, new plan. He wouldn't leave. Staying with Mia would have been a ridiculous idea anyway. He hadn't written to her for months. If he showed up on her doorstep, she would most likely throw him out on his rear and make him live in the stables until she'd calmed down. Besides, Mia had a family now, and he couldn't just be putting them out by turning up and expecting to live there until he'd gotten his life sorted out. People didn't just do that to their families. He sighed, dipping the quill into the inkwell.
To Leliana, Cassandra, Josephine and Inquisitor Trevelyan...
Well, at least he had the greeting right this time.
It has come to my attention that I should be more active in my role of Commander by travelling around the various camps and townships and seeing how our troops are doing...
Instead of hiding in embarrassment every time the Inquisitor looked his way. Or having entirely inappropriate thoughts about her.
I should have realised that I was neglecting this part of my duties much sooner, and I feel dreadful about it. For the next few weeks at least I will be travelling from site to site, starting in the Hinterlands...
Because Lilah had completely finished every task available in the Hinterlands. It was also where they had the most camps, including the Crossroads and Redcliffe Village, so there would be plenty to do to keep his mind off her. Hopefully there were still a few bandits or Red Templars out there for him to kill. He needed to expend this energy somehow.
I will leave Rylen in charge of my Skyhold duties until I return. Once again, I must beg your forgiveness...
For being a complete and utter arse. Hopefully Rylen wouldn't mind a few weeks worth of desk duty. He looked down at the page and sighed. At least this was better than leaving completely.
And hope I have your understanding and support in this matter. Commander Cullen.
It was short. Concise. Pretty much on par for any letter that he wrote, but he still didn't want to give it his official seal. He felt he was being cowardly. He needed to speak to Lilah before he left, to see exactly what, if anything, she remembered from the previous night. He couldn't just leave it hanging like this. Then he'd leave on his tour of the forces, regardless. He shouldn't be around her if he couldn't be trusted not to just... grab her and kiss her again at any given opportunity. Her lips were maddeningly soft. He raised his fingers to his own lips, eyes closed, as he remembered kissing her again. She'd been so sad, wondering who could possibly love an unlady-like woman such as her. How could anyone not love her? Cullen liked the fact that she could fend for herself actually. Most nobles were useless when it came to dealing with any kind of danger, but Lilah... she could handle herself. The way she moved in the training yard... it was like watching a dance. A deadly dance.
Cullen's stomach growled, breaking him from his reverie. It was lunch time, according to his gut at least. He couldn't leave the room though. Or he could, but then the spell would be nullified and everyone would be wandering back in and out of his office again. For today, he needed the solitude. He had some cheese upstairs near his bed, and some wine. That would do, at least for the time being. He wearily climbed the ladder, and sure enough, there was a wedge of Ferelden cheddar on his bedside table, along with an apple, and the wine. He sat on the edge of the bed, pulled the cork out of the wine bottle with his teeth and swallowed a mouthful. Hmmm, it was good. It matched the cheese perfectly, and for an odd moment he wished Lilah was there to share it with. The wine was a Ferelden red, and it was expensive. It had been a 'housewarming' present from Leliana after they'd moved into Skyhold. Though how she'd known his preference of wine was beyond him. She was the spymaster after all. He wanted to share these things from his homeland with Lilah, and see if she enjoyed them as much as he did. He wanted to learn everything about her, find out what made her happy, make her feel better when she wasn't... Maker's Breath. He was falling in Love. With the Inquisitor.
His short infatuations with the Hero of Fereldan and the Champion had felt nothing like this. He'd only really met them in passing, whereas Lilah was around all the time, and she always made sure to come and chat to him, even if it was just briefly about the troops, or his opinions of his colleagues. Certainly, she spoke to everyone in the same fashion, but the fact that she made time for him specifically warmed his heart a little. All of the things she'd said the previous night made it look like she was at least physically attracted to him. He hoped she had some deeper feelings though. If it was only a physical attraction, he would still leave. She may be happy with that, but he needed something more. What if they were to start a relationship? Would he have to send a letter of intention to the other advisors? He smiled to himself about that one, finished eating the apple and had another mouthful of wine. He set off back down the ladder, towards the desk again, and procured yet another piece of paper.
Dear Leliana, Cassandra and Josephine,
Lilah (whom you may know better as the Inquisitor) and myself have decided to embark on a romantic adventure together. We've decided that we are either in love, or very definitely on the way to being in love, and would appreciate it if you would all sod off and leave us alone. The Breach can wait while we sort out our feelings for each other (I'm sure Corypheus will understand). I know that we have duties which cannot be neglected, but we will work around these to the best of our abilities while still trying to nurture a fulfilling and healthy relationship which benefits the both of us. Thank you for your patience with this matter. Now please leave us alone.
Sincerely, Cullen Stanton Rutherford.
That had by far been the easiest letter to write so far. It was just a pity that it would be the one letter that would never be seen by anyone else. He lined all three letters up on his desk, reading over them once again, then sighed. He really needed to talk to her. He really needed a proper rest first. He eyed off the sleeping potion warily, not really wanting to take it. Since he'd given up lyrium, he wasn't really given to taking anything like this. He'd asked Solas for it as a last resort. He was feeling rather weary already, and the wine certainly seemed to be helping. He left all the doors closed, keeping their magic seals intact, and climbed back up the ladder to his bed, and hopefully sleep. He was still wearing his slightly rumpled clothes from last night, but he didn't really care. Who was going to see him in here anyway? He fell backwards onto the bed, one arm automatically crooked over his face to block the sunlight out, and tried to quiet his mind.
To no avail, of course. He remembered catching her after she fell from the wall last night, and thought again with concern how light she'd been in his arms. He was certain she'd been heavier when he'd carried her to the safety of the camp from the snowy blizzard after Haven. Solas said he hadn't seen her eat a proper meal for the last few days either. If he'd been keeping a closer eye on her... But he'd had no reason to keep a closer eye on her. He was merely one of her advisors. If they were in a relationship though... He'd force feed her wine, cakes and cheese if he had to, just to keep her healthy. Then her curves would fill out even more... He ground his fists into his eyes, trying not to envision her with an even fuller figure. Maker forgive him, he couldn't help himself. He was a weak, weak man when it came to her. He rolled onto his side, scowling at the wall. When would this day end? He closed his eyes once more, trying once more to clear his mind...
Something startled him awake. It was growing dark outside, finally. He figured he must have slept for a few hours longer than his earlier nap in the desk chair, as he actually felt quite groggy and distant, but he knew something had awoken him. There it was again. A slight scratching on the outer wall of his tower. Were the rats back again? He was certain he'd destroyed the nests completely. Maybe they assumed enough time had passed and they could move back in. The rustling, scratching sounds continued a few more minutes, then there was a creaking on his roof. A loud creaking, most definitely too loud to be rats. An assassin, maybe? He grabbed his dagger from the bedside table and shuffled quietly off the bed, standing off to the side beside the ladder. He hadn't seen any movement through the roof hole yet, but whoever was up there seemed to be moving rather cautiously. Until now...
"Balls!"
The roof splintered under the unknown assailant's feet and they crashed through the roof, landing heavily on the bed that Cullen had just left empty. He took a moment to lament the new size of the hole in his roof, before springing on top of the possible assassin, pinning their arms and legs down on the mattress before finally taking a look at their face... Maker's Breath! It was HER! He looked down at Lilah's face in confusion. Had he wished so hard for her presence she'd literally fallen into his lap? Was that even possible? Was she a desire demon in disguise, like the ones that had tormented him during his imprisonment at the Ferelden Circle of Magi?
"Li... Inquisitor?"
The slightly panicked look in her eyes dissipated as he called her by her title (and almost her name, what was he thinking?), and she relaxed a little beneath him. By the Void, he had the woman pinned beneath him, and she had the audacity to smile up at him from the pillows.
"Hello."
That was definitely her voice, but desire demons were wily creatures. She had addressed him though
"Ummm... Hello?"
She wriggled beneath him, not in a sultry manner, but the sensation still tantalised him, bringing back memories of the previous night, when she'd pulled him down into her bed to continue kissing him. He mustn't think about that right now, he mustn't! She'd feel it if he started to respond, his hips were once more aligned with hers. He realised he'd been studying her face for a few seconds without speaking, but he didn't really know what to say. 'How have you been today?' 'What do you remember from last night?' 'Why did you just fall through my roof?' She arched her neck and sighed, and he felt his eyes drawn to her lovely pale throat. Maker, he just wanted to kiss her again so badly... She smiled up at him again softly, possibly recognising the desirous look in his eyes.
"Cullen... we need to talk."
END OF PART 08
So that's how Cullen's day went. Part 9 Should definitely be that last part, but what do I know, right? Anyway, hope you guys like it, I'm gonna get back to finishing part 9 which is what I'm doing right now, and I hope everyone had a great Easter! As always read, review and enjoy!
Foxfire out!