THE END.

Zaeed would have had the guts to punch God in the face. You didn't, maggot.

The only choice that mattered... and you failed.

The Star kid is really Harbinger. He speaks in Harbinger's voice now.

Harbinger
"Shepard.
You were dumb enough to believe you could become God.
We always knew you would fail."

Shepard falls to her knees and cries.

Then Harbinger breaks the fourth wall. He looks at you, the player, straight through your screen, and talks directly to you.

Harbinger
"Shepard is irrelevant."

Shepard also looks at you, begging, pleading. She understands her driving force, her hope all along, were … you. Her expression changes to one of deep regret, then horror, as she understands that she would probably have succeeded without your misguided help. She failed because you failed her.

Shepard slowly limps towards the edge of the platform.

Harbinger
"You will now choose amongst these uniformly evil endings."

Harbinger's universe and your reality are now connected. As it gives you the middle tentacle, suddenly, you know.

Without a shadow of a doubt. You realize who Harbinger really was all along.

EA
(same voice as Harbinger)
"At first, these endings will make you want to kill yourself.
They will extinguish your hope."

EA
"Though, you will eventually pick one as your favorite.
You will convince yourself it is the only right choice.
You will argue with your friends and convince them it is the right one.
You will write blog and forum posts to defend our monstrously evil ending.
You will write theories to justify it."

Shepard's last though as she falls off the platform to her death is "You are Indoctrinated."

EA
"And when you do these things, and fall into our trap, we will OWN YOUR SOUL.
Now, SURRENDER TO US, and choose."

.

I want my Green Ending (synthesis)

Thank you for choosing the Green ending. The producers remind you that gamers always have a choice. Now please pre-order our next games before killing yourself, and enjoy your cutscene.

Everyone becomes a cute green Reaper, free will ceases to exist, and the whole galaxy becomes the worst possible totalitarian nightmare.

Most people would rather have been dead than turned into this abomination, but you didn't leave them a choice. If your favourite characters could crawl out of the screen and murder you with very blunt little spoons, they would. Yes, even little Samantha Traynor would murder you after popping your eyes out. You are that mean.

Ultimately, extra-galactic aliens notice that this place has been overrun by communist vermin, step in, and wipe everything out before that shit spreads.

.

I want my Blue Ending (control)

Thank you for choosing the Blue ending. The producers remind you that gamers always have a choice. Now please pre-order our next games before killing yourself, and enjoy your cutscene.

You control the Reapers. You become the Reapers. You now really understand why they are exterminating everyone. It makes sense, and also it's pretty fun to exterminate !

You kill everyone, and you enjoy it.

Your favorite moment is when you put the helpless Normandy crew into little pods. They cry and beg for their puny lives while you lecture them about their insignificance. You juice them into meat slurry and suck them through a straw, slowly, one by one, while forcing the others to watch. Pure sadistic bliss.

You just love that ! You're the first Reaper to laugh on the job. Can't wait for next cycle.

.

I want my Red Ending (destroy)

Earth orbit. October 2186 CE. 30 minutes before end of Reaper war.

Thank you for choosing the Red ending. The producers remind you that gamers always have a choice. Now please pre-order our next games before killing yourself, and enjoy your cutscene.

Shepard is still convinced she is God. She flies in orbit, enjoying her new Godlike powers.

She positions herself facing a piece of debris about the size of a bus. It seems to come from a destroyed Alliance cruiser.

She turns all its mass into energy and focuses it in the direction of the Reaper ships in orbit.

Somehow it works, perhaps a bit too well. Everything in front of Shepard instantaneously turns into plasma, including most of the Reapers, half the Alliance/Galactic United Fleet, and the first few inches or so of the Moon's surface.

As she attempts another shot, due to technical difficulties, the spell backfires and Shepard's head explodes into a fine mist of blood and brain.

More than enough Reapers remain to finish the job. It will just take a bit longer.

Everyone dies.

.

I want my Reject Ending

A/N : Do not read this. Please, skip to next chapter, unless, of course, you really want to choose the Reject ending, where everyone dies with maximum prejudice. If this is really the case, then you deserve this :

Thank you for choosing the worst possible ending. The producers remind you that gamers always have a choice. Now please pre-order our next games before killing yourself, and enjoy your cutscene.

Black screen.

« A few years later »

Fade in. Earth. Outside. Sunset. In a forest.

The surviving members of the Normandy crew (ie, Garrus and Jeff) stand in front of Tali's grave. They just finished burying her. Garrus hammers a stick in the ground with Tali's name on it.

They look like they spent a few years surviving in a post-apocalyptic world. Ragged clothes, scars, etc. Jeff is on a wheelchair, missing a leg, an arm broken, with bandages. Garrus has a black patch on one eye.

Garrus
"Sorry, that wasn't the home you dreamed about.
Keelah'selai."

Long silence. The two survivors mourn.

Garrus
"Fuck you, Shepard. May you die. Slowly, if possible. But I will settle for quickly."

Pan out. The grave is in fact next to the rusting wreck of the Normandy, along with the graves of other crew members.

Jeff
"We're so fucked. Who thought it was a good idea to promote a genocidal sadist maniac to godlike status ? The Reapers were bad, but at least they weren't doing this for fun. They weren't ... enjoying it ... like he does."

Garrus has a nasty cough, spits blood.

Jeff
"We used our last dextro-antibiotics on Tali. Don't die just yet, ok ?"

(glances at his broken arm.)

"I still need you to push me and my wheelchair off that cliff..."

Garrus
"Come on, don't be so pessimistic. In a month or two you'll be able to roll off that cliff all by yourself."

Jeff
"Fuck. We can't even get out of here. No mass relays. No ships since she blew up the entire fleet after that 'disagreement'. No electricity. No roads. Welcome back to 10th century. Until she decides that's even too comfy and modern."

Fade to black.

Note : if you paid ten bucks for the True Ending DLC, we feel you deserve to have your cutscene extended by a full 45 seconds of new content ! Keep reading.

.

Earth. Inside. Shepard's banquet.

Banquet sounds. Heavy, drunken laughs.

Fade in : closeup on blue asari butt.

Carving fork and meat knife cut a slice off asari butt.

Camera follows piece of meat, while slowly zooming out.

Piece of meat ends up in Shepard's mouth.

Shepard
(slowly masticating, a bit of blood running through lips)
"HMM. Delicious. Always been their best part."

Krogans laugh.

Camera finishes zooming out, now showing entire horrific banquet scene.

Inside a derelict building. Dark, lit with some torches. It looks a bit like Tuchanka, but less cozy.

Shepard is standing in the center. Scarred face. Bald. Oozes malevolence. The blue butt we saw earlier belongs to a decapitated asari, hanging upside down from a meat hook.

Tables with food around the room. A salarian on a stick, roasting over a fire. Some skulls with candles for decoration. Slaves.

Guests (human, batarian, krogan, dressed more or less like barbarians, laughing and drinking. All of them have weapons, swords, guns, etc.

Shepard has reverted the world to a dystopian tenth century, and is really enjoying it.

Shepard yanks the chain attached to his belt. Liara is on the other end, on her knees. She comes slowly, crawling on the floor, sobbing. Shepard grabs her by the neck, lifts her up. In her sex slave outfit she may have looked sexy at one point, but right now she looks more like a gang rape victim, beaten up and bruised, half her crest missing.

Shepard looks at her in the eyes. Liara knows what's coming and she's completely desperate, but she can't do anything, except struggle a bit. Shepard visibly deeply enjoys that. Slowly her smile widens into a grin of pure evil. She just gloats.

Shepard
"At first I wasn't sure about this god stuff.
You know, I thought it might get boring after a while... killing, raping, maiming, torturing... sacrifices... all those idiots worshipping me...
But it doesn't !... it keeps getting better ! I'm going to enjoy this for ever. No doubt about it. And you too."

Shepard grabs one of her remaining hair tentacles and snaps it off. Liara screams horribly, in pain.

Shepard
(Punches Liara in the face. She falls unconscious).
"Shut up."

Shepard bites into the hair tentacle. It seems crunchy and delicious.

Shepard
"Mmmm. Sushi. Pity they take so long to grow back.
Slave. Put her back in her cage."
(spits out a bit of cartilage)
"Anyway ! Let's go hunting !"

Guests roar in approval.

.

Cut to :

Shepard leads a party of « hunters », in a corridor. Hunting trophies adorn the walls, mostly stuffed heads, some from reaper troops, animals, human, krogan, etc. There is also Samara's head.

Shepard
(walking, raises gun)
"Yeah !"

Henchmen
(following shepard, also raise guns)
"YEAAAAAAAA !"

Fade to black.

The Producers thank you for choosing the Reject ending.

.

A/N : I had a little bit of anger to vent after the official ME3 endings... ahem.

Anyway. Now, you can punch God in the face (he's not really God anyway, hint hint), and get the REAL EPIC ENDING, by continuing to next chapter, and reading the story to the end. I promise it's going to be a lot happier. Eventually.