Beca lives in regret and something that resembles a living hell in the purgatory between Regionals and Semifinals. It is a period under three weeks' time, but it feels like years in Beca's mind. She feels slightly better in a sense of her depression due to the pills she's acquired. But that is the extent of it; she has never felt so lonely in a long time. Chloe won't even look at her, let alone talk to her. Which consequently has left Beca being stuck in Aubrey's group for practices, which makes Bellas stuff suck even more. Also, Jesse is slightly angry with her after she blew up on him about calling her dad. But in her defense, he seems to be slightly at fault for her dad finding out and cutting off her dreams of LA. And with those two constants gone, Beca tries to distract herself in mixes and school, but it can only stop her wandering mind so much. The freshman finds herself spending a lot of time with Stacie, she's spent some time with Fat Amy too, but most of the time Amy is preoccupied with all her boyfriends. The tiny brunette finds some comfort in the tall brunette, they usually play music on Stacie's authentic record player and just talk about life. It's a godsend of therapy.
Beca finds herself in Stacie's dorm the morning of Semifinals, and she flips on the radio station to the station she works at as she slips her heels on. She sits on the dingy carpet – with peculiar stains that Stacie adamantly lectures were there before she moved in – parallel from the tall freshman as she ties the horrid yellow scarf on Beca's neck for her. That is when she hears a very familiar beat of a mix she has bled and pounded into her eardrums for hours until it was perfected, her mix she hears her mix.
"And here are some sick beats made by your own Barden University local Beca Mitchell, check it out," Luke's familiar accent says over the radio.
Beca flings her phone in excitement and it lands next to a peculiar beer stain, "Holy shit! That's MY mix!"
"That's amazing, Beca!" Stacie flings her arms around the tiny DJ in congratulations. "I'm so happy for you! You totally earned it!"
"Damn right," Beca smirks at the beaming girl. "I'm gonna go talk to Luke, I'll see you when the Bellas meet up."
Stacie shoots her the thumbs up as Beca runs out of the room. She runs, heels and all, for a good block to get to the radio station. The whole time, she is beaming and she feels actual happiness for the first time since she…uh, well since she kissed Chloe. Part of her wants to tell the girl who was such a vital part of her being alive, she feels like she owes it to Chloe to tell her, she wants to tell her. But she knows that she would be crossing the line. After her interaction with Luke she starts her trek to the Bellas rehearsal space where they will all meet. Beca still wants to tell Chloe, she just wants her to know. So Beca pulls up the group message named: Bellas Aca-Bitches.
Beca: Guess which aca bitch's mix made the radio?
The girl smiles at her message, she's actually proud of herself.
Beca: It's me by the way if you guys didn't infer.
Cynthia Rose: That's awesome!
Fat Amy: That's amazing, who even knew you were tall enough to reach a mixing table to make such great mixes?
Stacie: I found out first! And Amy not your best joke.
Fat Amy: Sorry, was texting and driving, my humor is not on point when I multitask.
Aubrey Posen: That's so illegal.
Chloe: Congrats.
Beca does a double take on the last text, from Chloe herself. Chloe nor Beca herself has bothered looking the other in the eye since the regionals fiasco. And she feels an accomplishment that she got to tell Chloe, as subtle as the circumstances allow. Beca's stomach does a big flip from her one worded text, and it makes Beca want to scold herself. She mentally does so as she clamors onto the bus that is parked outside the complex they rehearse at. Everyone is already seated, and the only open seat is right in the front across from Aubrey. The worst possible spot possible.
"You're late," Aubrey snipes.
Beca makes eye contact with Fat Amy who pats her on the back, and then she smiles at Stacie. She also catches Chloe's beautiful blue eyes, which she has missed all too much. But she quickly looks away to level her gaze with Aubrey and she feels the snarky look adorn her face, "Well I'm not sorry, I got some pretty good news, and I figured I had to get some good news in before we are delivered the bad news of losing Semifinals from using the same boring set."
Fat Amy makes a cat noise as Beca sits down. The big blonde then puts the bus in drive and the bus lets out a whoop, led by Fat Amy, in cheer. Beca slightly joins in, because of the great mood she is now in over being on the radio. The burrito fiasco goes down as one of Beca's oddest college experiences for sure. Beca is still on the high of her DJ success when she hears Chloe's melodic voice overcome the silent bus with the song Party in the USA. Deep down, Beca is glad she is singing that Miley Cyrus song instead of Wrecking Ball or something, because that would instantly be directed at Beca. The brunette jumps in, sadly knowing all the lyrics to get all the Bellas to stop looking at her. It was all peer pressure, it had nothing to do with Beca being a Miley Cyrus fan. Nope.
But beside that point, the trip to semifinals takes a terrible turn for the worst, when the bus runs out of gas and she has to awkwardly sit next to Chloe on the Trebles bus. Their sides are pressed together due to so many people shoving onto one bus, and she hates how much it affects her. She feels cliché butterflies in her stomach and her side burns. She blushes and hates how this affects her. Like seriously Beca, you've been on top of her. Oh goodness, that didn't help. Beca's thoughts are like a hurricane and she heavily focuses on the banter of Bumper and Amy so she isn't so hyperaware of sitting next to Chloe.
Beca has always considered herself a fighter. There's the famous saying: fight or flight, which is people's reactions to a bad situation. And Beca's rebel attitude and stubbornness has proved she is the former. And in the horrid situation of the light guy playing on his phone, a judge dozing off, and other acapella groups mocking the Bellas while they performed the same set, Beca chooses to fight. She definitely is trying to think of a song to layer into the performance, not waiting until Chloe is done with her solo so she doesn't mess her up, until she belts out the lyrics to Bulletproof right when Aubrey starts singing. It sounds badass, it messes some of the Bellas up, but it is rather good. She had to fight for the Bellas from that disastrous and tired set, so that's what she did.
It comes to no surprise when Aubrey chases her down after the performance and starts yelling at her. Beca corrects herself from never feeling so lonely before, she feels downright abandoned when Aubrey asks her what "the other Bellas thought of her little improvisation" and it is a domino effect of Bellas looking away. Starting with Stacie who stares up, and then Beca tries to plead a look with Chloe, the girl who she shared a deep emotional connection with and still has feelings for. And those damn beautiful blue eyes flicker away in fear and betrayal. And it feels like someone tore Beca's heart out. She squeaks out Amy's name in a little voice, even though the blonde was looking away, she just didn't want to look downright pathetic. Beca still feels like a heavy hand is squeezing her heart as her heart and lungs burn with betrayal. She barely hears Chloe speak up to Aubrey about it not being that bad, and Beca can only think of one response. To fight and defend herself after Chloe didn't even bother to defend her. She thinks of something quick to say to hurt her.
"No that's okay, you don't have to pretend you're allowed to have a say in the group, right?"
Beca can tell that her words struck a nerve by the way Chloe's jaw drops. It's the first real time they've made eye contact since regionals, and Beca hates it being like this. Her heart squeezes heavily, because she is hurt, but she knows she's hurt the ginger more than she has already hurt her. Beca is so fueled by these conflicting emotions, things come by in a blur as she screams at Jesse, quits the Bellas, and storms out.
She finds herself shaking and edging on the verge of tears. She just has to get out of this random place by Atlanta. She wants to go back to her dorm and succumb to her imploding emotional damage in the comfort of her bed hidden under her duvet. The brunette hails a taxi without a problem and has the driver take her outside Baker Hall. She gives him her dad's credit card to pay, because she has nothing left to lose.
Beca can feel the edges of her eyes stinging as she scales the stairs to her dorm room. She wants to fall face first into her bed and rip this damn scarf off her neck. She fiddles with the lock on her dorm and swings the door open. To her immense disappointment, Kimmy Jin and her gang of friends occupy the dorm, and Beca's bed. She huffs and grabs a change of clothes and storms out to the bathrooms to change out of this outfit that is slowly suffocating her. She changes into maroon skinny jeans along with a white tank top layered by a hooded black leather jacket. By some miracle, she grabbed an outfit that matches, she literally just grabbed random clothing and stormed to the bathroom. She goes back into her dorm to violently throw the Bellas uniform in her closet and to grab her purse.
Within the next hour Beca finds herself on a sidewalk outside the conjoined Taco Bell and gas station complex. She has about six taco wrappers blanketed around her and she sips from the last remains of her large Baja Blast. Beca realizes she has hit rock bottom when a random man asks if he can bum a cigarette off of her.
"Do I look like I smoke?" Beca yells with a mouth full of a taco. She glances back into the gas station and back at the man, "I have a deal for you. Are you over 21?"
She wants the pain to go away, and if alcohol is there, it may help alleviate the pain.
He nods and she smirks.
"Here is money for a pack of cigarettes that you can get yourself as long as you use the remainder to buy a fifth of the strongest liquor they have in there," Beca stands up and slides him a few bills.
Yeah, rock bottom. She is past rock bottom, she realizes this when the guy returns with a cigarette in his mouth and hands Beca a paper bag with vodka in it. She sips on the bottle and cringes as her throat burns and turns her stomach to a fiery pit of tacos and vodka. Beca takes more sips and ignores how her phone vibrates a few times. She stumbles to her feet, realizing she shouldn't just loiter outside a gas station Taco Bell combo. She almost falls, and she giggles to herself. Her life sucks.
Beca finds herself outside the science building, or is it the English building with a considerably less amount of vodka in the bottle. She collapses onto a bench and lets out a sob. She is so inebriated to a point that she doesn't care that she is crying in public. Her drunk mind is making it harder to get a grip on all the events happening in her life, but she still vividly remembers a set of luminous blue eyes. Chloe. Beca feels a heavy whirlwind of emotions, those memories are still very clear. She consequently takes a large gulp out of the bottle.
After four more sips it seems like a marvelous idea to pull out her phone and tell Chloe how she really feels. She starts a lengthy and emotional paragraph, but starts to erase half of it and accidently sends the rest of it.
Beca: U r soooiojo pretttttyyyy. butt u r makin me confuseddd, cuz i thienk I luv u, but wow u dontt curr and im scurd, and I rlly feel like
Beca curses at herself when the message sends by accident and she throws her phone in the grass. She starts crying when she can hear her phone vibrate, but she can't find it in the grass. It's dark and she keeps stumbling. She eventually finds the thing and sees a text from Chloe.
Chloe: Are you drunk?
Beca: bitchhh I mite be
Beca laughs at herself, because that's funny. She lays down in the grass and stares up at the stars. They blur together into one big dot and Beca closes her eyes, because sleeping sounds like a good idea, because these stars are really hurting her eyes. She feels a tickle on her stomach and she giggles and tries to slap it away. She realizes the source is her phone, and she messily answers the phone call by putting the device up to ear and letting out a messy mixture of a burp and hiccup.
"Beca?" She hears an angelic voice nearly sing in her ear.
Beca smiles and looks back at her phone and squints at the screen and she can barely make out the name on the screen, but she figures out its Chloe and she smiles and puts the phone back to her ear, "Chloeeeeee."
"Yeah, you're definitely drunk. Why did you call me?" Chloe snips.
"Stop being mean," Beca can feel more tears edging over her eyes. "You called me," Beca pokes herself in the chest to exemplify her point.
"Yeah, after you called me and I answered and heard hiccupping and crying. I figured I'd call back to make sure you're okay."
Beca smiles, "I must have butt dialed. And I'm okayyy nowwww cause I can hear you talk."
"Beca, stop." Chloe's voice is strained.
"Chloe, go." Beca giggles at how funny she is. "Chloe I'm lost and the stars keep staring at me and it's scaring me."
"You're outside? Are you alone? Do you even realize how dangerous that is?" Chloe's voice continually increases as she keeps questioning Beca, which is really stressful.
"Stop yelling," Beca cries.
"Okay," Chloe groans, "where are you?"
"I dunno."
"Describe your surroundings."
"Under the scary stars, laying in grass by a sidewalk. Like there's a brick building with some fountain outside of it. I dunno Chloe, I'm on campus and you're really stressing me out," Beca can hear how pathetic her voice sounds as she sobs.
"Okay, just stay on your phone, I'm coming to find you so you don't get yourself killed." Chloe keeps talking and Beca almost falls asleep a few times until she feels a presence standing above her. Beca cracks her eyes open and she sees the beautiful blue eyes practically lighting up in the dark.
"You came for me, you do care." Beca feels herself smiling as she closes her eyes again.
"Oh, hell no. You aren't falling asleep," Chloe's voice sounds more like an angels in person. "Can you stand up?"
"I dunno, can you stand up?" Beca quips.
"I am standing, Becs."
The brunette pushes herself up on her elbows and smiles, "I like it when you call me that. Becs." Beca smiles and likes how the word sounds on her mouth, "Becs."
"Oh my goodness, you are gone," Chloe says.
"No, I'm right here," Beca tries to stand, yet starts to stumble and Chloe wraps her arms around her to keep her on her feet. The girls find themselves in an awkward embrace as Beca has all her weight on the ginger, and she smiles at how close she is to the girl. She really wants to kiss her, Beca realizes that when she notices how pretty Chloe looks right now. So she leans forward and tries to do it, but Chloe turns her head with a hurt expression and Beca's lips meet her cheek.
"Beca, stop. You're drunk," Chloe says in a strangled voice.
"But I wanna do it," the younger girl whines as Chloe leads the pair.
"Tell sober Beca that," Chloe bites.
"Okay I will, and then I can do it. Which I really, like reallyyyy wanna." Beca looks over at the girl and can see a tiny teardrop slip down Chloe's cheek. She wipes it away, "Don't cry."
"I'm not crying," the ginger says in a strangled voice again.
"Am I hurting you? Have I been hurting you? Not physically, emotionally. I'm so sorry," Beca rambles.
Chloe doesn't respond, and the pair walks in silence for what seems like forever. Even the inebriated Beca can feel how awkward it is. Beca doesn't even realize that she is outside her dorm when Chloe keeps asking her about keys, and eventually digs though Beca's pockets to find her keys.
"At least take me to dinner first," Beca jokes in remark to the hands in her back pockets.
"Shut up," Chloe growls.
Chloe's words really hurt the drunk girl, and Beca can feel herself starting to cry. She feels pathetic, but she doesn't like Chloe being mad at her. She doesn't want that because she loves her.
"Beca, you're really hurting me," Chloe says with tears, and Beca then realizes that she must've said the love thing out loud.
"I'm so sorry," Beca cries as Chloe leads the girl into the now unlocked dorm. "I never wanted to hurt you. I want to make things right. Please forgive me, I mean it this time."
Beca lies in her bed now as Chloe rips off the alternative girl's boots. The freshman tries to catch her breath after her speech. "I mean it, please forgive me, Chlo. You mean the world to me. Friendship or more, I want you in my life."
"Okay," Chloe whispers in a weak voice as she pulls Beca's duvet to the girl's chin.
"Don't leave me again, I need you," Beca whispers.
"I won't," the ginger whispers in an angelic voice before everything turns black in Beca's world as she passes out on her pillow.
A/N: Sorry for the long wait, I lost motivation for a bit, but then I got an amazing review that inspired me to write again. Thanks for that, you guys are amazing! So how about Pitch Perfect 2? I loved it, I hope you guys did too. Tell me what you think of this chapter! See you with chapter 12 eventually.