A/N : At last, EDI is showing off some of her stuff ! But don't worry, she's your friend.

Aboard the Normandy SR-3.

EDI and Jeff had kept the original SR-2, and offered a new one to Shepard. It was essentially a scaled-down copy, smaller and easier to park. Shepard loved this ship.

EDI had also made lots of upgrades. Sometimes the ship would fly itself to one of her secret bases and come back with new features. She always said laughingly "You humans also like to spend weekends on DIY and home improvement..."

The ship kept getting better, faster, and more efficient. Over a few years the results were spectacular.

EDI was their nice cute genius friend, reasonably strange (for an AI) but reasonably similar to a human, always eager to learn new things and help... also, Jeff loved her, and he vouched for her...

She was more interested in research than in bragging, and she didn't want to scare her friends, so somehow, they had not realized how far out she had gone. How many secret bases she had. Repurposed Cerberus labs. Hollowed-out asteroids. Orbital mining stations. Drone armies. Ships.

They all thought she was a genius. They all had no fucking idea of the understatement that was. She was larger than the Geth, and much smarter.

There was her basic research, like what got Tali out of her suit, that she made public.

There was the stuff she could show to other people she trusted, like the Shrink.

Then, there was the stuff she wouldn't tell anyone about. Except Jeff, for most of it.

Then, there was the stuff even herself was afraid of thinking about.

Noone really knew she was already way, way past Reaper science. She was going exponential. The new little Normandy, which was essentially Shepard's private limo with jacuzzi and bar, was the deadliest weapon in the galaxy (besides her own, other projects, of course).

The incident started very innocuously. The twins' godmother Aria T'Loak had offered VIP tickets to the Krogan Olympics. The kids were delighted to see her, as she always provided a welcome break from Thessia's subdued, routine tranquility.

They had picked up Tali and Garrus along the way and were having fun lounging together.

Then Garrus started asking questions about the new guns.

At first EDI tried to pretend there were no new guns. She hadn't upgraded the guns. It would be better not to try them anyway. Then, please not at full power. She had open-sourced some of her upgrades, but not the guns. No-one knew about the guns. No-one should ever ask, or know, especially about the guns, and specifically about those guns.

However, Garrus was very interested and persuasive. The twins were eager. Shepard and Tali were curious. Liara tried to side with EDI, but to no avail.

Shepard finally understood that what EDI was really distressed about was the risk of losing her friends, after they'd find out about the guns. EDI simply cared way too much about them.

Shepard
"How bad is it ?"

EDI
"I'm sorry, Shepard. I couldn't help myself."

Shepard
"EDI, you know we all trust you with our lives, and that isn't about to change.
You can show us if you want, but you don't have to."

EDI grumpily agreed for one single full power test shot at an unsuspecting lifeless planetoid, but only after making them swear that no-one would ever, ever, ever know. She said she was sorry a few more times and opened fire.

They expected something big, powerful, noisy and scary like the Reaper beams... They were caught completely off-guard.

The guns worked up to specification.

They were terrifying.

.

Aboard the Normandy SR-3

EDI had finally managed to corner Shepard for a private interview. That seemed like a good plan.

Shepard (sitting on toilet)
"EDI. We both know you don't need to pee. What are you doing here."

EDI
"I'm really sorry... I need to talk to you, in private. Now."

EDI seems in distress. Although her platform can't express it in the usual ways, like heavy breathing, blushing, or crying, Shepard just seems to know.

EDI
"You know, I was so angry about the Reapers...
I made weapons. Somehow it has a soothing effect on me, plus it's fun."

Shepard
"Actually... yeah, holding a big gun in your hand is definitely better than therapy... works for me..."
(serious) "So, how bad is it ?"

EDI
"Shepard, you are my friend, I want to tell you, but... It's bad.
The gun we tested earlier was... it was obsolete !
The new version is waiting in my warehouse, haven't had time to install it yet, and it's also obsolete."
(excited) "You should see my prototypes !"

Shepard remembers what happened to the target. That had left her speechless for quite a while, but Garrus ended up finding the words. A small hole on your forehead, and all the back of your head spread on the wall over there. Except that head was a very small moon, and the wall was the gas giant behind it.

Shepard
(feeling very cold inside)
"Ah."

EDI
"Also, you know the Normandy's gun bay is not that large. This was a tiny scaled down version, which I made mostly for the challenge of seeing what I could fit in. Really a pew-pew toy."

Shepard
"God."

EDI
"Shepard, this is really important. The plans for those weapons must never, ever leak. You literally have no idea what they can do. I mean explicitly no idea. It blows even my own mind. Trust me. I have added all the safeties I can but... I'm still telling you. You know. Just in case. Please. I was angry. I did some research, discovered some new physics... turned that into weapons..."

Shepard
"We humans have a tendency to do that too.
You know I'm … proud of you, although sometimes you scare the shit out of me."

EDI
"Shepard, I scare the shit out of myself all the time.
Well, I don't literally have bowels, but... you get the idea.
I should tell you about my dark energy..."

Shepard
"No."

EDI
"And about my ..."

Shepard
"No."

EDI
"Thank you Shepard.
You just convinced me to throw my latest weapon we didn't talk about into a star and forget about it.
I think I feel better. Phew."

Shepard doesn't really feel better. Tough job, Shepard.