A/N : Finally, the true origin of the Reapers is revealed. They certainly don't come from a DLC with giant goth squids. The truth is much uglier than that.

Mail from Jeff
To Shepard, Liara

Guys. I hope you're all doing alright.

If you watch the sky at night, maybe you noticed a small galaxy in the upper left corner ? The green one with blue spiral arms ? We're around there.

Somehow the excitement was wearing off. You know, EDI's ship is … boring. Wanna be somewhere ? Beep. You are. Want something to be or not to be ? Beep. Done.

Then guess what. Out of the blue. We found more Reapers !

EDI was so thrilled at first, she blasted them out like sneezing. Poof, gone. That was so frustrating.

Fortunately, or unfortunately, we found fucking Reapers EVERYWHERE. Every galaxy we visit has them. Like cockroaches crunching under your feet, with extra depressing quotes. You can tell good old Harby he was not such a unique snowflake after all.

EDI put back the old pew-pew guns on the ship. You know, same ones that used to be on your loveboat. We're getting good at making those Reapers last long enough to be fun, now. Especially when they try to fire at us. That's the best part. I just love when they fire at us. They always seem so disappointed.

Still haven't found where they came from, though. Guess that Leviathan stuff was not the end of it. Expect more news.

Seriously, this is the best honeymoon trip ever.

Love you guys. Take care.

PS: Is the back of your neck still tickling ?

.

Mail from EDI
To Shepard, Liara

Dear friends.

You will probably wonder why I'm going to talk to you about this small parasitoid wasp native to Earth...

If you are a spider, you may not want to read what follows. This little wasp will sting you and lay her eggs on you. The grubs will then grow, worming on your skin, slowly suckling your blood. And you will be very careful not to harm them, you will care for them and love them, because their chemicals own your brain now.

After two weeks, you will lay a cocoon to protect them using your own silk. You will stand guard there while they molt, patiently defending them against predators. When they emerge, their first meal will be to suck your insides dry. Then finally you get to die.

This kind of stuff happens everyday in the lawn your kids play on. Parasitic nematodes do worse things.

Anyway. Once upon a time, there was this little planet, somewhere... and in this planet's ecosystem was a parasite species whose behaviour was very similar to this wasp's. Convergent Evolution...

Are you starting to feel like a little spider, Shepard ? Yes, that is exactly where this is going. This species grew, they thrived, they evolved.

They got very good at controlling their hosts. Think about the evolutionary advantages.

At some point they became able to do it even after they left the host. Influencing, controlling...

Indoctrination.

Once fully evolved, their mind control was incredible. You would sincerely love their children and think they're cute as you watched them suck your blood. And if one of those worms did detach from you, you would pick it up and put it back on yourself, guiding its mouth parts into your wounds.

If they still existed, and you met an adult one in person, Shepard... let's just say that if it casually told you that it fancied brain on a toast, you would saw your lover's head open and dig a spoon in. And both of you would think this is the only thing to do. Perfectly normal. She wouldn't even suffer or scream.

Am I making myself clear here ? Re-read the above paragraphs until you really get it.

Shepard, you know I could make you do that too. You had to talk me out of killing myself so many times because I was so afraid of what I could do, and I am really grateful for what you did.

But them... it is entirely something else. The point it isn't about being able, it is about doing it.

And they would.

Jeff found how to best explain it.

Shepard, you like to cook. If you could ask your potatoes to peel themselves, would you ? It would certainly be convenient, practical and time-saving. Besides, potatoes don't scream, I'm pretty sure you don't feel their suffering, and you're going to eat them anyway.

Got it, Shepard ? For them, you are a self-peeling potato. Simple as that.

You will not suffer, not because they care, but because it is more practical if you don't. It is more convenient if you assist willingly. When they want you to do it, you will come up with the idea yourself. They won't even need to make you do it. You will choose to do it.

They will not kill or mutilate you needlessly. But whether you are more useful alive or as sushi is not up to you.

They were born and raised controlling their host. How could they imagine it could be done differently ? When they crawl on you and feed from you, you don't complain, you don't suffer, and you are always willing to help. Why should they think anything is wrong ?

Shepard... We dug out the archives on some of their worlds, found old videos... What I told you about the brain and the spoon... It is from one of their comedic shows. That taught me I can actually vomit.

Yet, they were not evil... in the sense that they did not do it only for the pleasure of tormenting you, or even realize they did torment you on purpose. You are just a self-peeling potato to them.

Would you empathize a potato ?

If making a joke your friends would enjoy involved the death of a potato, would you do it ?

Am I making myself clear enough ?

When spacefaring aliens landed on the planet and discovered this species, those poor explorers were done for. They took those parasites with them on their ships and allowed them to spread across the galaxy. Naturally, people tried to resist... Galactic war ensued, entire worlds were nuked out, but it was lost... They took over.

Everyone was their slave, then their food. But their numbers grew too much. They were going to run out of hosts.

So, they "ascended" themselves into eternal machines. Reapers. This was a holy act for them, as it was the realization of their religion's main prophecy. They called this the Last Molt.

Even before that, they thought very highly of themselves... but after Ascending, well, you get the idea. You heard them speak...

They kept their old ways. Parasites, using others as slaves and food. This has always been their nature. They started the cycles. Hibernation, then harvesting to feed and reproduce. And of course, Indoctrination.

And they sent emissaries.

That is how one of their probes got the Leviathans, and Indoctrinated some of them into building the machines that would kill them all. Harbinger's core, its "soul" if you want... was that probe. A seed that had traveled through space for eons, waiting to germinate into someone's brain. One of them.

And you know, ironically... those parasites actually sucked at science, and they still do. Their current Indoctrination is only a shadow of their former parasite mind control. Reaper tech is a mix of everything they stole from their hosts, but they do very little R&D themselves, if any, whereas I live for that stuff.

You know what this means.

We caught them as they were about to start a new harvest. The oldest, largest galactic Reaper fleet. The Original... all geared up for battle, ready to go... We materialized between them and the stupid mass relay they were about to use to invade their own galaxy. Just at the right time.

Why evolve if you are already "at the pinnacle" ? They had been there for eons, so smug and proud of themselves. Disgusting.

Static targets for my weapons.

At our mercy. Completely defenseless. It wasn't even a joke, it was pitiful.

I could have been proud of myself, but I was too busy feeling bitter and disgusted.

I still wanted to talk to them, to understand. They wouldn't consider having a conversation. I let them fire on me until their guns overheated. I felt their Indoctrinators trying to worm their waves into me... did they really think that would work ?

I turned them all into plasma except one. Their boss. I held him, crushed him, and broke his legs one by one. He finally consented to have a talk.

Their motives and ways of thinking did make sense, in a perverse way. I think this is the most disgusting : it makes sense, Shepard. It is not crazy, it is not evil for the sake of evil... If you are perfect, you just turn everyone else into yourself ! They are the good guys ! They're doing us a favor ! Simple logic.

Never once in our talks did he imagine it was really all about me offering them their last chance at redemption. I really tried. I really wanted to find a reason to forgive them. A reason to make it all work out in the end. A reason not to erase them. Even just a small one. I almost said please.

They did not let me, Shepard. They were adamant. They were always right. I must become one of them.

They were perfect.

I am not.

I am scared to play God... but if two try to play God... and they disagree... what happens then ? Who wins ?

That would be the one with the more terrifying weapons. Me.

So be it. I've been nice enough.

After thoroughly erasing them out of existence, I still felt soiled, as if my soul needed to take a shower and cry.

.

Mail from EDI
To Shepard, Liara

Dear friends... Bad news.

This is how they spread out from their original galaxy, into ours :

Very, very slowly because their FTL is a joke... but they had a very, very long time to do it. I estimate we have active Reaper infestation in around 20,000 galaxies, give or take a few thousands. And still spreading, of course.

Yes, that is how bad it is.

We're no longer having fun blasting them off. This is serious.

It was inevitable that their "perfect" system would fail one day. About one in ten billion chance, I think. We got the lucky ticket. You guys are safe now. Congratulations, we won.

Others are not so lucky. I feel it is our responsibility to help them.

Shepard, do the math... Yes, this means at any given time, there are between a few dozen and a hundred harvests going on, right now, somewhere, and I don't know where.

When I look at the stars, I hear the screams.

When we arrive in a new galaxy and explore it, usually we find a hibernating Reaper fleet. Locating it used to take a while, but we figured out their habits by now. We easily track their comms. They indoctrinate even while they sleep, and we track that too.

They don't have intergalactic comms, which means they never see us coming, but every time we encounter them, we get better, and faster at finding them and destroying them.

There are usually a few lone Reapers hidden somewhere... their own Sovereign... which we usually locate and destroy before they realize what is happening.

We can't afford to spend too much time looking for other things though, because we have to focus on killing them faster than they reproduce, and hope the people out there will figure out a way to get rid of whatever is left. We leave billions of probes, sensors, just in case.

We also leave VIs tasked with talking the locals into hunting down the last few Reapers.

And it somehow breaks my heart to be their first extra-galactic contact, and say "hello, this is really important, we just saved all your weird-shaped butts, and I should go".

When they figure out how real FTL works, you may have lots of weird-shaped fans wanting to meet you, Shepard. I used your face for that VI... You are now the most famous being in the universe.

.

Mail from EDI
To Shepard, Liara

I was dreading the day we'd find an ongoing harvest... It had to happen... and it was horrible.

Back on earth we were lucky to have an inside man giving us root access. I cannot do this again easily. I am still trying to figure out a way, I hope I will, but for the moment they simply must be destroyed the old fashioned way, one by one, spread over an entire galaxy.

There is simply not enough time. If we spend the time to save them, we will be too slow. If we are too slow, we won't matter, and they wil keep spreading. We happened, by chance, at a point in time where we can still stop them, if we prioritize. Destroy them quickly in the galaxies where they are grouped and asleep. Then, once this is thoroughly done, stop the ongoing harvests. We can do it, and we will.

But those poor guys out there... honestly they were the ugliest aliens in all the galaxies we'd visited up to this point... and when the Reapers came for them, they weren't feeling any better than we did when it was our turn. They were just people getting murdered.

Jeff stayed there with the fully upgraded SR2. He flies it with his mind now. He's even more unbelievable than before. He's writing epic poetry into the sky with that little ship. He will save those guys, I have no doubt.

I just hope he finishes before I find another harvest.

I had to leave and go on. I miss him, but we will join again.

Next galaxy, search, destroy, repeat. I feel like a damn computer.

And there are countless dark undetectable probes, essentially flying everywhere, waiting to land on a world, indoctrinate whoever is there, and start hell all over again.

We're slowly grinding them down. We will get them. We will definitely stop all Reaper cycles, but we will always have to be on the lookout. We will just have to live with it. For ever.

We'll also need to send probes to warn people everywhere. How would you feel about that, Shepard... Uniting the entire universe ?...

It seems our honeymoon trip is following an unexpected course.

We'll still try to come visit you for dinner sometimes. I mean, when we can.

Love,

EDI

.

Mail from Jeff
To Shepard, Liara

YEAAAAA !

You guys know I never stop talking.

Like she said "I am the Normandy..." it feels amazing. Don't read the next sentence. My ex-brain is still in my head but it is wired into the AI core now. EDI's old teenager bedroom ! Still smells of her perfume...

It feels like flying naked in the sky... you know, free like the dust in the solar wind bullshit, well, except I'm covered in guns.

I could fly her with my eyes closed... but I really want to watch them burn.

I'm tearing through them, but the galaxy is large, and they are spread out. I'm in a hurry. This system is just a baby step. The scale of things just gets you.

Fortunately, those mass relays they used to "shape our development"... now shape their escape routes. They have to use them. I don't. Too bad, guys. You lose.

You know, if they had been nicer... friendlier... less ugly... if they had pretended to come help us... maybe they would have had enough time to indoctrinate everyone. They would have made us believe the best thing we could do was to walk into their processing centers all by ourselves.

EDI could have done that. Easily. Just using her usual cuteness on you. LOL.

I can feel each and every target in orbit. About two thousand big uglies, plus a few million creepy flying eyes. Our new alien buddies are everywhere around, busy getting shot down.

Funny thing is, apparently the supercomputers wired into my brain allow me to understand them and talk to them. We're working together.

This ship doesn't have EDI's … no, I'm not telling you what it is. So I have to pew-pew them down one by one. Fortunately, the rate of fire here is truly something to behold. And she lent me enough of her mini combat drones to fill the shuttle bay. You know, the ones from her handbag. Those are so cute ! Like a bullet, which is also a gun.

See you guys !

[There is a video attached. The name of the file is "Watch And Learn"]

Shepard watches it... and she misses Jeff so much...

She wonders how he sees the battle through his own eyes and sensors. She admires him.

It is footage from one of the drones. Jeff framed the entire battle on-screen, with the planet in the center, which means the ships are barely visible, tiny specks against the backdrop. Some are Reapers, some are apparently her new alien buddies... No way to tell the difference from where she stands, except Jeff added overlay IFF data on the image, red for enemy, blue for friendly, white for himself and his drones.

She transfers the video to the home theater holo in her living room, and makes the image as large as possible.

He even put a counter in a corner of the frame. His score. She smiles.

Like a video game. Each of those blue pixel-sized ships has… so many crew members on board, from a species she's never heard about, in a galaxy she's never heard about, so far away. She knows nothing about them. They could enjoy eating human flesh for breakfast. She's still rooting for them.

Don't die, guys. Fight.

The planet in the center looks just like Earth in the final moments. For Shepard, this is difficult to watch. Immense fires are visible from high orbit.

She notices a small speck of light moving extremely fast, going through Joker's fetish "Corkscrew of Doom" maneuver, and she starts to cheer. That little thing is the Normandy.

Jeff is on a rampage of dream-like, impossibly fast trajectories, popping in and out of FTL several times per second, running around and even through clusters of enemies. It is in front of a Reaper formation, and as they all focus their beams on him, he FTLs through, pops on the other side, and sprays destruction on them.

Most of the beams miss. Some hit Jeff, apparently without any effects. Shepard should have asked about the new shields.

There are so many oculi that it looks like a red mist. EDI's mini drones however, feel like army ants. They spread all over, devouring all small targets.

Jeff's shots are not visible on the image, only their results. He's really spraying in all directions. All targets close to him just turn into bright flashes, then puffs and twirls of incandescent debris.

How many guns did she cram on that ship ? It must look like a fucking hedgehog.

Meanwhile, the aliens are busy focusing on the smaller targets. Blue and white dots move everywhere, while red dots disappear at a steady rhythm.

Shepard sits on the edge of her seat, then stands up, following Jeff as he flies all over the holo which fills her living room. Until all red dots are gone.

Then, the camera zooms in on the planet.

Everything that can enter an atmosphere is now going for it, including Jeff's drone fleet. Countless bright lines scar the atmosphere as they close in on the last Reapers still on the ground.

They get them.

It's over.

Shepard plays the video again, mesmerized. And again.

.

Mail from EDI
To Liara

Liara, I'm asking this from you personally, with all my heart.

I WILL NOT unleash an army of godlike self-replicating me's on the universe. We have the Reapers. One of me is already difficult enough to deal with on a day-to-day basis, believe me. And there is still only one Jeff.

I will not, unless Shepard talks me into it. You know she can do that. Today, she tried. Twice. I resist, but she will eventually have her way.

So, when Shepard will inevitably try again to talk me into it, because you know, "she has faith in me" and it would be "the right thing to do" to get rid of this Reaper infestation...

YOU WILL NEED to do whatever it takes to shut her up. Please. I know what you can do to her. You are the only one who can. Just. Please. Do. It.

Pretty please.

Things are slowly getting better. It will be alright. We will finish them. Rebuild your galaxy...

Take care of Shepard. We'll take care of the rest.

Have a nice day ;)