Thessia.

At the Party.

Liara
(lecturing) "Jeff, the brochure about this event also mentioned a Reaper War commemorative show with, quote, 'an ending so epic the author and main character will spend the rest of his days in a sea of naked babes', unquote".

Shepard
"Jeff, I could hear the brochure giggling with your voice. Did you write that thing ?"

Jeff
"Oh, yes. Sorry for the understatement. It is scheduled to start in about... a few minutes."

Jeff motions them to the railing. EDI is waiting there. Everyone joins them. Most rooftops below are crowded with people waiting for the show, along with countless immobile skycars. EDI turns towards her friends.

EDI
"This is our gift to you."

She turns around, facing the horizon.

EDI
"Let's begin."

EDI's lips keep moving, but the voice comes out of the ship itself.

EDI (via ship)
"Welcome to the Victory Memorial Show.
Remember that everything you are about to see are only wide-scale holograms.
Please do not panic, and enjoy the show.
In case of emergency, close your eyes."

She takes a deep breath and extends her arm, like a conductor in front of her orchestra.

As she lowers her hand, the publicity holo goes dark, and the ship emits a small "ping". The sunset disappears as the sky turns entirely black. They are now viewing the battle against Sovereign, in ultra high definition hologram, and in real size. EDI does the voice-overs on an epic soundtrack.

Shepard
"This is really just a holo, right ?"

Jeff
"Yeah. Sorry. Sovereign was unavailable."

EDI and Jeff really wanted to celebrate this day. The holo canvas is large enough to display Citadel entirely. Sovereign looks fearsome up-close. When the Destiny Ascension shows up, lots of cheering is heard from the rooftops around. Their documentary then covers the entire war, including some of Shepard's adventures, and major battles, however they rewrote the ending according to the official story to avoid mentioning EDI's own role. The aliens are not mentioned either.

The show is very moving. Many people, including aliens, cry at footage of Earth and Thessia.

After the final scene, the sky fades back to normal. The sun is almost completely set.

Tali
"Wow, you guys should consider a career in the movie industry..."

EDI (via ship)
"Thank you for attending ! And above all, thank you for surviving the war ! We also love you guys.
By popular request, we will now offer a bonus scene : an unedited space battle, and the end of the last Reaper !
Please hang on to the nearest heavy object, as this simulation will be extremely realistic.
In case of emergency, please close your eyes and lose consciousness."

Jeff
"The truly epic ending will be performed live.
EDI is going to use her... ship. Watch out."

Jeff motions everyone to look at the aliens. Those are the only ones who actually saw EDI's ship do something, and they are all hanging tight to the railing, including Worm-guy who coiled himself around Smith's leg. The others imitate.

EDI relaxes, then focuses, and closes her eyes. She cues the epic opera soundtrack.

A small spark runs along the Inconceivable, then something turns on inside.

It does not make any identifiable noise or vibration, but they know it is on, they feel it as something they have never imagined before, something wrong in a way that escapes them. There is a small perspective shift as the floor tilts a few degrees without moving. The horizon seems to be in a slightly different place. Everything around them feels different. Strange, foreboding thoughts about divinity and the futility of existence pop into their minds.

They have no time to overthink it though, because of the storm winds blowing straight into their faces.

Jeff
(to Shepard, yelling over the wind and the music)
"That explains the name, you know.
Please allow for minor technical adjustments while your local reality meets its new owner."

The wind is icy-cold, snowflakes blind their eyes. Then it is scorching hot. Then finally everything is perfectly still, silent, and pleasantly warm. EDI cues in the cherry blossom petals, because she can. A melted snowflake drops from someone's eyebrow.

EDI
(Cheerful, visibly having loads of fun, opens her eyes)
"Good. Engage."

A translucent barrier appears above the city. It extends from horizon to horizon, just above the top of the highest building. The Inconceivable pokes through it. It could be a gigantic holographic canvas...

Two Sovereign-class Reapers appear in a flash, one on each side of the building, really up close and personal.

EDI is giggling.

Jeff is grinning like never before. He's giving them the finger ! The aliens seem to relax and make various gestures. At this point, a skilled observer could learn how a finger is given in many galaxies.

Of course, both Reapers immediately open fire on the building. The noise is overwhelming.

Nothing happens. It is a very realistic simulation so, of course, their shots cannot get outside the screen.

Jeff
(yelling at the Reapers)
"Yeah ! Fuck you !"

(yelling at Shepard over the Reaper noise)
"We haven't fed them in a while you know. They're pretty pissed !"

Anyone who heard that chokes hard on it.

Liara
(eyes bulging) "YOU HAVE PET REAPERS ?"

Jeff
"No, they're real, wild ones ! We caught them in Mnrrr's harvest.
I won't say they're "live" cause their existence is an insult to life, but ya get the idea !"

Shepard
"The FUCK ? Just, NO."

Jeff's grin says volumes. Shepard sits down and starts mumbling to herself.

Meanwhile, the Reapers start to look disappointed. All their weapons produce absolutely zero effect against the barriers, or the Inconceivable itself. They try to pass through, and fail. They try to rise into space, and hit an invisible wall up above. They try to talk the barriers into submission, but that doesn't work either. Then, they float there, like a pair of goldfish in a bowl, with extra depressing quotes.

Jeff
"Well, now is the moment my fans have been expecting !"

He sits down. A whirr up above, and the ship's bay doors open. The Normandy shoots out like a missile, goes hypersonic and leaves a trail of plasma behind it as it burns the air.

Tali
(horrified) "Is it melting ?"

Jeff
"Feels lukewarm. OK, set guns to 'tickle'. I want mine to last a bit."

Jeff then proceeds to play cat and mouse with the two Reapers. He's pulling off all the tricks, at one point he even succeeds in making one of them fire on the other. His body below makes comments, grins, talks a lot, and laughs. He's focusing on one of the Reapers, slowly grinding down its barriers.

Tali
"Wow, you got hit... Do you actually need to dodge ?"

Jeff
"It's a lot more fun to dodge. Want me to ram through it ?"

What this implies shuts up Tali.

People on rooftops pop their omni-tools as EDI streams the live view from the Normandy. They cheer and roar as Jeff scores hits. Ultimately, the Reaper's barriers fail in a blue flash, and the crowd applauses.

Jeff
"Now, for the final touch. I'll crank up the gun a notch, let's say 'little pinprick'.
There's no kill like overkill."

Jeff switches targets and aims for the other Reaper, which still has full shields. He tricks it into coming down low, so people will have a better view. Then he loops around it, comes from below and fires upwards. It is generally a bad idea to have anything behind the target when you fire a gun designed by EDI.

EDI's barriers do the job. They sparkle a little as they absorb the radiation and shock wave. No-one on ground gets sunburned to death or even blinded as Jeff pumps his antimatter beam into the bad guy. It turns into a tiny sun, then an expanding, glowing cloud.

While the other Reaper tries to flee, and keeps bumping into the walls of its sky-sized aquarium, Jeff leisurely parades the Normandy around the city, then back into the dock. He seems to be satisfied. There is much applause and cheering around.

EDI
"Well, my turn now !"

She catches the remaining Reaper in a barrier bubble, and brings it close. It desperately tries to get out, but she owns it. There is no escape.

EDI
"I will do this in-character."

Jeff
"Yeah ! You're awesome !"

EDI's voice comes out of her ship, again. This time, it sounds really different. She is imitating Harbinger, but she sounds a bit more cheerful and much … deadlier. Much more personal.

EDI (through her ship)
"You were once countless, but your stupidity and aggression angered us.
We are forces beyond your comprehension.
As a result, you are now the last of your kind.
Your refused redemption.
You have only yourselves to blame.
Now, you will witness your own extinction."

EDI's body looks at the Reaper and smiles ear to ear.

She then very slowly shrinks the bubble. The Reaper inside at first insults her, then tries to convince her, but it never pleads nor asks for forgiveness. When it becomes tight, and its tentacles have to curl in to fit, she slows down the shrink rate even more.

When its first armor plate snaps with a disgusting crushing sound, she keeps going.

When its legs are about to break, she stops.

Then, she talks to it. She pretends it convinced her, that she now understands it was right all along. She proposes to let it free. She even pretends to soften and deform her barrier so that its tentacles almost succeed to poke through.

The Reaper's words then show something unusual. It has... hope. It still hopes that it can murder everyone. That makes EDI feels bitter, but very satisfied.

EDI (through her ship)
"I lied.
Your hope is irrelevant.
You are obsolete.
You will be recycled into something more useful, like a paperclip."

All watch as the last Reaper is inexorably crushed, all its weapons firing for naught, its armor plates giving way one by one, until it finally cracks. At last, its eezo core blows up, filling the sphere with white light for a moment, then it slowly cools down.

All orbital and ground sensors register the whole event as a publicity holo. Crews aboard the orbiting defense fleet were in the observation decks, watching and cheering.

EDI then folds her gigantic barrier into a ball, which she brings, along with the debris inside, close to the Inconceivable, which appears to … suck its contents, then it is no more.

EDI
"I'm not leaving the eezo and radioactive debris in the atmosphere.
I like recycling. Show is over guys. Disengaging."

There is a sort of click, and she releases her grip on reality. This feels like a slap in the face, followed by a massive hangover to everyone, which dissipates after a few minutes.

She puts the holo on the Inconceivable back on, to prevent anyone from flying into it.

The show can be considered a huge success. Media all over the galaxy will talk about it for a month. All the aliens will bring back the recording of the last two Reapers to their people.

EDI and Jeff are grinning, laughing and kissing like teenagers in heat. For years, she'd been using her powers strictly for work. It was about time she used them for fun. And as always, she overdid it, but this time, it was on purpose.

Jack is running towards them to thank them for the FUCKING AMAZING show.

Everyone else around needs a really stiff drink right now. Although, that was an impressively good show.