CHAPTER 3: Birthright (Season 3, episode 11)

Character(s): JJ, Hotch

A/N: Some spoilers for this episode, as well as references to the episodes "Penelope" and "Scared to Death".

"Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body." - Elizabeth Stone

JJ glanced up to Hotch's office. He was working, as always, buried in the paperwork on the case they'd just finished up. His head was bent, his focus intense.

It always unnerved her a bit, that intensity. One cold, hard gaze from him and you felt intimidated, ready to confess even the slightest of transgressions. He flashed that look so easily, to the point where, at times, JJ would almost swear he had to have been born with his face looking like that.

She was unable, however, to shake the feeling that there was more hiding behind his usual intense demeanor this time around. A hint of sadness, a slight distraction. Not that she could blame him – she'd been feeling that way, too.

JJ still couldn't quite wrap her mind around the events that had just occurred in Fredricksburg. Hotch had been right initially when he'd guessed that she was upset over how close the victims in this case had been to her, both in age and in looks. But now she had a hard time getting the image of both Stephen Foley and Charlie Wilkinson out of her mind. Two sons, both sharing the same cruel, horrific father. One, Stephen, had turned out fine overall. He struggled a bit, sure, knowing his father's legacy, but he was a good, upstanding man. Charlie, on the other hand, turned out just like his father, in every way imaginable. How does that happen? JJ kept asking herself. Classic case of "nurture versus nature", as Reid would've put it.

She also thought of Chrissy and Mary standing there in the field, sharing that knowing glance, as Charlie lay dead a few feet away. The cycle had continued. Would Chrissy tell her child the truth someday, or was she fated to have the kid find out in his or her own tragic way?

Yet another more unnerving question nagged at her mind as well. If she ever were to have a baby, if she ever found herself in that situation, would she do something similar? Given that she'd just recently proven she was willing to shoot someone who'd hurt her close friend Penelope…she sensed that told her the answer right there.

A few minutes later, Hotch was coming down the stairs. Sighing, JJ shook herself out of her thoughts. She listened to her friends chatting about going out for drinks, saw Hotch relax a little as he agreed to join them.

Everyone was stopped cold, though, when a man came to the door and handed Hotch some papers to sign. Divorce papers, he soon informed the rest of the team.

JJ saw that intense look return to her boss's face. He was thinking of his son, she realized, was already figuring out how to make sure Jack would get through this tough time okay.

She hoped Jack would know just what an amazing father he had.

Hotch had been sitting at his desk in his ever-darkening home office for the past two hours. He gazed out the window, not noticing anything in particular. Just staring.

He knew it was silly to feel the way he currently did. He knew, intellectually, that his team would understand, would support him no matter what happened.

But Hotch couldn't help but feel embarrassed regardless. Of all the places for the papers to be delivered, it had to be at his workplace. Right in front of everyone, no less. It felt like an invasion of privacy – it was an invasion of privacy.

It didn't bother him that the team found out about his divorce in and of itself. He'd already told Morgan Haley had left a while back, after all, so it was only a matter of time until the rest of them knew, if they didn't already suspect.

No, what bothered him was the thought of his team seeing the potentially ugly details play out in public. That was something he'd promised himself he'd keep hidden. He was the sort of guy who prided himself on being in control. Keeping his emotions in check. Being able to solve any problem that came his way as quickly as possible.

But this? He didn't want his colleagues worried about his problems. Lord knows they each had enough of their own issues to deal with. And that overriding nasty thought kept nagging at him - he secretly had to wonder how this would make him look to everyone else. What if they really did lose respect for him, stop taking him seriously? What if the stress did become too much, and he could no longer be the leader they needed? He couldn't keep his own family together because of the day to day pressures. If he couldn't do that for his immediate family, what did that mean for his work family?

Speaking of his immediate family, Hotch found he still had no idea how he'd even begin to properly discuss this with Jack. He'd put off thinking about that possible situation, holding out hope that Haley would eventually come back. Now it was clear that wasn't going to happen, and he wasn't sure what all she had told Jack thus far. Hotch made a mental note to talk about the subject with her a bit further the next chance they got. Give them both a chance to figure out just what they wanted, and needed, to tell their son.

Hotch had turned his gaze from the window by then. Stretching, he went to stand up, only to find one of Jack's superhero toys lying on the floor near his desk. As he picked the toy up and looked at it, he realized then that he was going to have that talk with him about superheroes being human much sooner than he'd imagined.

"Courage is doing what you're afraid to do. There can be no courage unless you're scared." - Edward Vernon Rickenbacker