"Addie, you say that like what we have is over." She didn't acknowledge him. Nervous, he asked, "Have you already decided that? Is that what you want?"
Several minutes passed by neither of them saying anything. Damon kept getting thrown for loops; whatever he thought might help only seemed to make matters worse. Saying nothing might be his best chance. Finally, Addie managed one word as she wiped a single tear from her cheek.
"Yes," Addie said quietly, staring at her hands as she picked at a loose thread on the blanket. She couldn't face Damon; if she did, she'd just take it all back and keep on being his Elena substitute.
It didn't make any sense. How could she just give up on them so easily? The girl he fell in love with didn't back down from a challenge. The girl he fell in love with was anally logical and everything had to have order. What she was doing, shutting him out without even giving him a chance to explain himself was completely out of character. The only other person she treated that way was… Elena, and she thought he was in love with Elena. Perhaps it didn't seem so nonsensical in Addie's mind.
Damon ran a hand through his hair, mumbling, "I don't know what to do." He didn't know if he wanted to yell at her in anger or plead with her in desperation.
Still refusing to look at him she softly suggested, "You should go."
"Go?" he scoffed, his voice cracking. "How am I supposed to just go? There's so much that I don't understand. Really, you're making this decision when there's so much that you don't understand."
Addie's lips pursed; she didn't care to understand his reasonings behind falling in love with her sister. Making it clear she didn't want to discuss the matter anymore, she laid back down, pulling the duvet up to her chin. As she turned to face away from him she said, "All I need to understand is how I feel."
"Well, we're in this together. Or at least we were. Don't I deserve to know how you feel?" Damon pushed, trying not to sound overly confrontational.
Her bottom lip was pulled between her teeth. It wasn't exactly easy to explain that you had to break up with your boyfriend because you loved him too much. And she had done her best to accept Damon and judge him and she knew he appreciated that from her; how was she supposed to tell him that he was kind of a bad boyfriend? She never tried to assign labels of good or bad to him, either.
"Addie, if you're ending things with me I at least deserve to know why," he said more gently, moving to sit at the foot of her bed.
"Elena," she growled out through clenched teeth.
That was only half of the truth. He needed her to be completely honest with him. Maybe she had at least calmed down enough for him to be honest with her. Damon got up, walked around the bed and knelt in front of Addie. Her eyes were closed and cheeks dry but her lashes were damp. Addie could hear him breathing next to her but if she ignored him, maybe, just maybe he might go away.
"Addie," Damon sighed softly, brushing his fingers against her cheek, "I need you to let me say something and I need you to hear it."
Addie shrugged her shoulder to brush his hand off her. She grumbled harshly, "I don't want to hear anything you have to say."
"I know but you need to. You need to know the truth because not knowing the truth is hurting you. You are the single best thing that has ever happened to me. This, losing you because of a misunderstanding and because you refuse to talk to me, is going to kill me. I've already been dreading the thought that I will eventually have to live my life without you. To know it's going to happen so much sooner than I thought, I'm not ready for that," he lamented, wishing she would just look at him.
"Not having this conversation and just giving us a clean break might make the whole grieving process easier on both of us," she muttered. She didn't want to hear sweet lies from him.
Damon rested his chin on the bed as he studied her. While the corners of her lips usually turned up as she relaxed, tonight there was a slight frown. "I will never forgive myself if I let you go without telling you these things. When you live forever, never last for a very long time. You need to know that I'm head over heel in love with you and only you. I will always be in love with you. I thought I knew love before I met you but it was only lust. Honestly, I'm glad I never fell in love before and I can see why you didn't believe in it," Damon reflected thoughtfully.
Addie's eyebrows furrowed and her frown deepened. "You wish you never loved me?"
"No! I mean, loving you is such an amazing experience that I wouldn't trade for anything," he quickly clarified. "I'm just glad I never fell in love with Katherine or El-"
"You do love Elena!" she snapped, her voice wavered and cracked.
"I don't want to love her but I do for the exact same reason I love Jeremy and Bonnie and even Caroline! I don't want to give a damn about any of them but I do. I need to care about these people. I need to make sure they're safe. I can't help loving these people because they are the people you love. I only want you to be happy. That doesn't happen if there's a problem between you and the people you love, particularly if they are dead.
"I love Elena because she is your sister. I have absolutely no romantic feelings for her. Those are dead and gone. She holds no interest for me. I lusted after Elena for a short time because I was very, very confused. It felt like history was repeating itself and that was just what I was supposed to do. I know now that she was never right for me. And I never would have been happy with her. I love her and look out for her because if Elena dies, I know a part of you will too. I don't want to see that!" Damon explained, desperate to make her understand the truth.
Addie opened her eyes to find Damon looking directly into her. He looked so lost and…. Placing a hand on his cheek, his five o'clock shadow tickling her palm, she inquired, "Are you scared?"
Damon sighed, leaning into her touch. "I've never been so terrified."
"It's just us," she tried to reassure him, though she didn't exactly understand why he was so scared. It was unsettling to see her courageous dark knight looking so afraid.
"Well, we are everything to me and I'm watching us crumble into a million pieces," he replied with a wary smile, removing her hand from his face and interlocking their fingers.
"A million's a lot," whispered Addie, suddenly feeling uncomfortable under his piercing stare.
"I've done a lot of damage."
"Mhm."
Damon watched her spin the heavy daylight ring around his finger for several minutes. There was still a slight frown but her eyes were blank. Needing to know he murmured, "What are you thinking?"
"I'm thinking that I don't love Stefan," she said slowly, still beating around the bush.
He waited for her to elaborate but when it was clear that she wasn't he finished her train of thought, "And you don't understand how I can love everyone you love? Or you don't think that's how I love Elena?"
"I think," she resolved, the corners of her lips twitching towards a smile, "that you're a love slut."
Damon snorted, "A love slut? I've been accused of being a man-whore but what exactly is a love slut?"
"Don't worry; ninety-nine percent of the population is made up of love sluts. It's people who throw the word around without actually knowing what it means."
"Not all love is romantic. It's not all Sonnet 116," he shrugged.
"I know. Obviously there's the love that you have for your family but I'm pretty sure that's a biological thing where family bonds aid you in survival of the fittest and what not," conceded Addie.
"So, what is it that you feel for your friends?"
"Really strong feelings of gratitude and affection?"
He sighed dramatically and shook his head, "You really have a problem with that word, don't you?"
"I just think that it's said so much that it kinda loses all meaning. It should be reserved for when you really mean it or special moments or… I don't know. It's just said carelessly," she mumbled, tracing the D on his ring.
"Is that why you haven't said it to me since that first day?"
She nodded, "Pretty much."
Damon ran his free hand through his hair. He didn't understand why Addie wouldn't just be honest with him. "You don't think I really mean it each and every time I tell you?"
"I'm sure you do."
"Wow. That sounds convincing," he muttered. He was so much more screwed than he thought. "You really don't know how much I love you?"
"Of course I do."
He shook his head, "I really don't think you do." Damon frowned as she pulled her hand from his and turned to her other side, facing away from him. His hands raked over his face as he sat on the edge of the bed. His patience was reaching its limits. "I can't do this. I can't read your mind. I can't lose you. I can't get you to beleive I love you. I can't fix this if you don't want me to. I can't do this if you're not going to be completely honest with me! I know I've been the shittiest boyfriend in the world but I can-"
"What did you just say?" Addie interrupted, rolling onto her back to look at him suspiciously.
"I can do better, I promise."
She shook her head slowly. "Before that?"
"I need you to be honest with me."
"After that."
Damon fingers ran through his hair as he exhaled loudly, "I've been the shittiest boyfriend."
Her eyes narrowed. She'd heard that before. No. She had dreamed that. It was her subconscious talking. Right? Of course. It was just a coincidence. Damon would never invade her privacy like that. But it wouldn't have been the first boundary he'd crossed that night.
"What?" he asked warily as her her expression turned to ice.
"Leave," she snarled.
He sighed, looking at her helplessly, "Addie, le-"
"Get out now before I decide to never speak to you again!"
"No-"
"One more word and you no longer exist!" she yelled, pulling her cell phone out from under her pillow and throwing it at him.
Damon opened his mouth as he caught the phone but thought better of it. Her face had turned that burning shade of he usually only saw when she got embarrassed. There was also a steady stream of angry tears rolling down her cheeks. It was very likely she would carry through with her threat. Dropping the phone back on the bed, Damon left the room in despair, actually using the bedroom door for once.
Nothing he could recall felt more wrong than leaving her alone at this critical moment. She seemed so lost and afraid and furious. Addie's condition was unstable at best. The last time he had seen her so unhinged was the night that they met, so long ago.
She had been out running in the pouring rain because of some fight she had gotten into with Elena and Aunt Jenna over her mother; he had never asked for the specifics as it was still a touchy subject. Before she had even know what he was or what he did Addie had raged at him for being so selfish as to not care whether other people lived or died. In disbelief and disgust she'd asked if he'd really kill someone.
"Mhm," he had smirked, propping one foot back against a tree as he leaned on it. "I'd even kill you. Right here. Right now."
Her response had been clear, decisive, unquestionable. "Do it."
"If you're sure," he said, cool and arrogant. He pushed himself off the tree trunk with grace and stepped up in front of her. For some reason sucking the life out of her just didn't seem appealing. In hindsight, perhaps it was because he wanted her to live, to change her mind. Her neck was small; his palm crushed from the front, his thumb from the right side of her neck, and his fingers splayed along the left as he worked to close his hand into a fist.
Addie had led him get a pretty good hold on her. Damon had briefly thought she was actually going to let him kill her. She had clawed at his hand a little when she finally needed to breathe but that was human nature; that wasn't someone changing their mind. When she used her elbow to break a rib, ripped his shoulder out of place and snapped his elbow, he knew she had come to her sense.
Then he had let her beat the hell out of his face; she seemed to feel a little better after that. Perhaps that would work again. Damon couldn't really picture Addie hitting him again, though. Although, he had never imagined her throwing something hard, like a cell phone, at him. Of course, it was possible she only did that because she knew he had the reflexes to keep it from hitting him. Addie wasn't very much of a physically aggressive person. She had scratched him pretty good that morning and made him bleed though.
Damon sighed as he leaned against the banister. Soft sobs could be heard from her room. He didn't know what to do but the ideal of leaving left him feeling ill.
Damon: Want to kick my ass again?
When she didn't reply immediately he went down into the living room to grab the notepad and pen left by the phone. He returned upstairs and sat next to her door and began to write. Addie might not want to hear him but her curiosity was to great to ignore a letter. She replied about five minutes later.
Addie: If I thought you would learn anything from getting your ass kicked I would have already taken up Klaus on his offer to do so.
What the hell was she playing at by bringing Klaus into this? Was she trying to make him jealous?
Damon: I've learned my lesson.
Addie: I honestly don't believe that. I don't trust you.
Damon laughed bitterly and dropped his head into his hands. He was beginning to think Addie hadn't trusted him since he broke up with her and she had just been looking for more and more reasons to validate ending things with him. Being the fool that he was, he just kept screwing up and giving her those reasons.
Damon: I know. But do you love me?
Addie: I think you know the answer to that from your little foray into my mind! DICK!
He wasn't exactly sure if he thought he wouldn't get caught invading her dreams if if he thought she just wouldn't be that mad about it. It seemed like a reasonable approach at the time.
Damon: I needed to know why you wouldn't talk to me and why you were so mad. That was the wrong way for me to go about finding out. I was just so terrified that if we didn't clear the air immediately, things would end. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have deceived you like that.
Addie: And in the end things still have ended.
She was very mistaken if she truly believed he was going to give up that easy.
Damon: Do you want to trust me?
Addie: I'm nowhere near ready to even start trying to do that.
Damon: But eventually?
Addie: Yes. I would hate to lose your friendship.
Ugh. The "let's be friends" line. Damon used that five hundred times and never once meant it. He usually said it right before killing a girl, though. It was unlikely Addie was going to try and do that to him but he doubt she meant what she said. No one ever meant it.
Damon: We were good at one point. We were happy. You were happy. Right? How is it fair to YOUR happiness if you don't give us a chance to get back to that?
When she didn't reply for seven minutes, he was pretty sure she was just ignoring him because he heard her crying a little harder. Damon gave up on hoping for a response and worked on perfecting his letter. No matter how hard he tried, the words never seemed to come out right. It would have to do. Everything that came out of his mouth was worse. By the time he had finished, some time had past since he had heard any noise from Addie. He considered going into her room, having one last look but it was possible she was still awake and he didn't want to go another round with her. Instead he slipped the several sheets of paper under her door.
The loud, repeated beeping of her alarm clock pulled Addie from the nightmare. The graphic imagines didn't disturb her so much, anymore; it was the sound of bones splintering and flesh ripping that had her making in cold sweats of terror. Disgusted at the her shut clinged to her back, Addie groaned as she blinded reached out to shut off the alarm. In the process of hitting the off button she managed to knock the clock off her nightstand. Addie decided to take that as a bad omen. Her day would only get worse if she left her bed. The most reasonable thing to do was to go back to sleep.
More annoying sounds woke Addie again; this time it was banging on her bathroom door. She wasn't exactly sure how much more she'd slept since the clock was on the floor. Pulling her pillow over her head she was able to block out some of the sounds and her sister barking orders for her to get up or else she'd be late for school. Being late sounded like a good idea; not going at all sounded like an even better one. She drifted back asleep again, blocking out the sounds of her sister getting ready.
Perhaps it was because she had spent half the night crying or it might have been that she had actually gotten too much restful sleep, free of nightmares but when Addie did decide to finally wake at nearly nine in the evening, she felt dreadfully tired. Returning to sleep was appealing but she did need to shower and brush her teeth. Just those two tedious tasks and she could curl back up under her covers. Robotically she got up and performed these before heading back to bed. It was then that she noticed a piece of paper on her floor by the door. Curious, as she definitely had not put it there, she went to check it out.
Addie,
I had NO idea how you were feeling. You're the most important thing in the world to me and it kills me to know you don't feel that you are. This relationship thing, it's new for both of us. You have to allow room for error but more importantly, you have to give us a chance to fix what is broken. I never realized how doing so many of the things that I did for you might actually look like I did them for myself or your sister.
I don't understand how you can possibly believe I love Elena as anything more than a friend. You are right; she couldn't be more wrong for me. She did string me along and did make me think it was ok to be toyed with. Katherine had done it before. It was just an acceptable thing. Until you came along. You were such a slap in the face and yet a breath of fresh air. You hated me. I wasn't exactly fond of the smart little brat with the even smarter mouth who tried to kill me. (Here's where you scoff and remind me that you risked your life to pull me out of a burning building and I remind you that it was still your fault I was in the building in the first place.) You decided I was worth saving. I will never understand that. It wasn't exactly like we were friendly. And, I mean this with no offense, you don't seem like the type of person to have a sudden attack of consciousness. You hated who I was and what I did from the beginning. You don't change opinions on a whim, at least not usually. That's why I get really confused when you do. Sometimes I can read you like a book and other times you're the indecipherable riddle.
The is that you saved me; that meant you had to believe there was some good in me. You wouldn't save pure evil. You didn't expect good from me, though. You didn't expect me to change just because you saved me. It had been so long since anyone saw anything good in me that I had just accepted there wasn't. But you made me think it might just be possible that there was. When you sold your soul to the devil and agreed to work with Katherine, I decided to see if you were right. If I could help you outsmart Katherine and keep you safe, maybe you made the right decision when you saved me. You were a project, a test to see if there was a part of me that was good and selfless. Since '94 I've been saddled with a conscience and my behavior has been marginally better, but you were right, like always. I was a self-serving, narcissistic, serial killing sociopath. Although, I might have been born with a predisposition to kill people and I'm actually a psychopath. (Do you see how much of an influence you are on me? I'm getting off topic, just like you do.)
I never expected you to become so much more. You were naive and foolish to make a pact with Katherine. At least that's what I thought. Then I began to see how strategic you were being and how courageous you had to be to deal with her. Addie, you handled her in a way I never could. She turned me into an idiot schoolboy but you matured each time you faced her. And the young woman you matured into was someone who I grew to care about in a way I never understood. I grew to worry about your wants and desires, hopes and dreams. It was odd to not only be thinking of myself.
I must have been a superhero in a previous life because I haven't banked enough good karma in this one to explain how you began to care about me. At first I questioned how serious you were about me. You were so flighty and terrified of commitment. You didn't even want to establish a relationship. Then we somehow ended up in a 15 year plan. (There you go being a riddle again.) There have times when I have believed we will make it to that mark. On rare occasions I wonder which one of us is going to just snap and kill the other. I'm sure you've worked out the exact chances of that happening. The one thing I know for sure is that I'm not giving hope on us until our deal expires. Addie, you are the only person who has ever picked me, accepted me just as I am. For some reason you actually love me. I won't pretend to understand why you do but I know how special you make me feel. If you just felt an iota of how cherished I feel…. I know it must be soul crushing not to feel like you're the light of my life because that's how I'd feel. You are, though. I am a horrible person for not making you aware of just how much you mean to me.
Let's face fact. I'm basically 170 with an over inflated sense of myself and I have spent most of my life not giving a damn about anyone but myself. You're only 16 with an under inflated sense of sense and you have no idea how amazing and wonderful and beautiful and perfect you are. You've spent your whole life caring so much about your family and friends only to lose those closest to you. I'm trying to learn how to show you just how much I value you but you're so afraid of getting hurt that you see warning signs that you're going to get hurt or going to lose me when there are none and you are ready to run at every little bump.
I will always love you. You are the single most important thing in my life. There isn't anything I wouldn't do for you. That being said, it seems that everytime I try to make things better, I'm only making them worse. I keep thinking if I hold onto you tighter, somehow I might not lose you. Obviously that's not working. If you love something very much, you've got to go easy with it - give it room to move around. If you hold it too tight, it'll always try to get away. I feel like you're always trying to break free from something; I just can't tell what. Perhaps it's me you're trying to break away from.
I know giving you space in the past hasn't seemed to work, but we so far we've always ended up back together. This time I've screwed up worse than ever. So perhaps I need to listen to you and go away. If you love someone, let them go. If they come back, they're yours; if they don't, they never were. I've never treasured anything more than our relationship. I'm not giving up hope but I am letting you go. What happens next it up to you, Ads. I don't want you to feel pressured about this so I'm just going to take a step back and let you figure it out. If this were to continue, my next move would be making you feel like my special one and only again. What's your move?
You are my once in a lifetime, my happily ever after, my sun, moon, and stars, my life, my love, my Ads.
All my love,
Damon
Addie set the note on her nightstand before curling back up under her blankets. Who knew Damon Salvatore wrote love letters? Or was it a break up letter? Hadn't she ended things with him first? But the letter was a confirmation of him giving up on them; he was letting her go. She hadn't expected him to give up so easily. But of course he would; he was interested in Elena. Maybe he wasn't really interested in her sister but he didn't seem that interested in carrying things on with her.
There were parts of his letter that were intriguing, though. Addie never pretended to understand how their relationship came to be and she had definitely never understood it from Damon's perspective. It was sad that it only took someone seeing the good inside of him to catch his interest. Or he seemed to take interest in girls who wanted to toy with him, i.e. Elena and Katherine. It didn't bother Addie that she had started out as some personal test to Damon; he had been a test on her tolerance and acceptance for people. He pushed her to her limits on compassion and understanding and succeeded on expanding them. If she had helped remind him of how caring he could be, then that was ok. It was definitely selfish but she really wished he hadn't grown to care about people besides herself and Stefan as much as he had.
Addie groaned as someone began knocking on her bathroom door for the second time that day. Think of the devil and she will come. Turning away from the door she grumbled loud enough for her sister to hear, "Go away."
"We have to talk," Elena declared, loudly entering the room.
Mentally Addie reprimanded herself for forgetting to lock the door. "We," she stressed, "have nothing to discuss."
Elena scoffed haughtily as her hands went to her hips, "Do you even know what's been going down all day?"
"I've been home sick and have been sleeping in hopes of a speedy recovery," Addie muttered, not in the mood for a lecture on skipping school. Dealing with Damon was taxing; sometimes she just needed a mental health day.
"First of all, Meredith Fell shot Alaric last night. Right now Sheriff Forbes has him locked up for some bogus case as the mystery murder that Meredith put together against him. Damon's being a dick and won't do anything about it. I confronted Meredith about it and she started saying all this horrible stuff about Alaric to try and convince me that he is capable of murder. She's the murderer! Matt and I broke into her house to prove that she's setting Alaric up. She has everything on Alaric: medical records, old court documents. She even had an old Gilbert Journal. And we found proof that she's lying but Sheriff Forbes won't listen!" Elena exclaimed, throwing her hands up in exasperation.
"What did she say to try and convince you that he's a murderer?" Addie wondered aloud. The idea hadn't come to her before but she supposed it wasn't out of the realm of possibility. After Damon had taunted Alaric about turning Isobel, Alaric had punctured Addie's lung. If Damon hadn't swiftly snapped the other man's neck and fed Addie his blood Alaric would have murdered her. It was all a matter of semantics. It was ironic; Damon kept Alaric from being a murderer.
Elena rolled her eyes as she shook her head. Her sister could be so weird. Out of all the important stuff she had just said, Addie wanted to know more about the thing that meant the least. Knowing her sister would just keep pestering until she answered, Elena repeated, "He was arrested for fighting four times before the age of 21. When he was at Duke Isobel filed a restraining order against him twice. And that he's a borderline alcoholic vampire hunter."
"You know, how come we don't consider him a murderer for killing random vampires or Klaus but we definitely would consider him a murderer if he killed Damon or Stefan?" mused Addie. Logic and reasoning shouldn't be subjective. A murderer was a murderer and Alaric was one.
"Damon and Stefan are good. Are you seriously asking this?" Elena huffed in disbelief.
There was the argument that he was defending Dr. Fell's honor when he killed the ex-boyfriend who called her psycho. Addie couldn't figure out a motive for Bill Forbes but he had been killed by a knife from Alaric's collection. Carving himself up like a Thanksgiving turkey didn't make much sense but if they counted the vampires he killed, he'd already reached serial killer status and their actions didn't always make a whole lot of sense.
Reading the doubt in her little sister's face Elena informed her, "The county coroner's office listed Bryan Walter's time of death while Alaric was still at the Founder's Party. He has an alibi! Meredith is the one who signed Bryan Walter's death certificate and put time of death after the party. She's setting him up!"
"So take your evidence to the police," Addie shrugged. The mystery murderer was a complex problem that she didn't fancy riddling. Meredith. Alaric. The ice cream man. In all reality they were dumb kids trying to play Scooby-Doo. Didn't they have enough magical problems to solve? These were non-magical murders. Sure, they were happening to council members but they were still natural attacks, making it a problem for normal law enforcement.
Elena stopped pacing and leaned against Addie dresser as she crossed her arms in a pout. "Apparently she can't use that as evidence because Meredith caught Matt and I breaking into her apartment."
Addie snorted, holding back laughter, "Of course you would get caught. Look, I'm sure it will all work out the way it's supposed to."
"You think he's guilty?" her sister snapped.
"I think it's not my job to figure that out."
"You are almost as unhelpful as Damon! When I suggested he do something his solution was to rip out Meredith's tongue and feed it to squirrels," scowled Elena.
"That's Damon's idea of humor," Addie pointed out bitterly. Elena didn't understand him on so many levels; it was so annoying. "If he thought him getting involved would help Alaric out, he would."
Elena frowned at the ground, her eyebrows knitting together in thought. "It's not just Alaric. It's like he's trying to cause trouble. Like tonight when Matt and I were coming home we ran into Damon and Stefan and this girl. Damon was healing her but it was obvious that Stefan had been feeding on her; he had this crazed, dazed look in his eye. Damon sail it was 'just a little experiment' and there was no need to make it more dramatic than it had to be."
Addie's lips pursed thoughtfully. Damon had a habit of having extreme reactions to change, both good and bad. Would breaking up after nearly eight months of dating be enough to provoke a reaction? Very likely. Although, Addie didn't exactly see what Damon got out of turning Stefan's ripper mode back on. He had apparently been off of human blood since he almost drove Elena off the bridge.
"I don't know what he's up to with Stefan but he would never do anything to hurt Stefan," Addie said honestly. Slightly bothered, she curtly questioned, "Why are you so concerned about Damon's behavior?"
"I don't know," Elena said quietly, shoving her hands into her back pockets.
Mustering up her courage, Addie boldly said, "Well, I think you should do everyone a favor and stop being so concerned with him."
"Do you think he would try and get Stefan to be a ripper again to come between Stefan and me?"
Addie couldn't resist rolling her eyes at her sister's self-centeredness. "I don't think Damon would let a girl come between him and Stefan again. Why? Do you want him to be jealous like that?"
"Obviously not like that. I don't want him playing on Stefan's weaknesses," Elena admitted.
"But you want him to be jealous," Addie stated, since Elena wasn't going to give her a direct answer.
Elena shrugged slightly, "Damon just sort of snuck up on me. We snuck up on each other."
Had Damon lied to her? Had something actually happened between him and Elena? Slowly she asked, "How do you know he feels the same?"
"He told me the other night at the ball. He got upset and it just kind of slipped out. I don't think he meant for it to," Elena confessed softly.
Had Elena misheard Damon in the exact same way Addie had? That seemed like a lot of misinterpretation. Unable to think of anything to say, Addie just nodded slowly. It was one thing to hear from other people that Elena might have feelings for Damon and to speculate that might be true but it was another thing entirely to hear Elena admit to it.
"I'm sorry, Addie, really. I know you dated him but he just... he got under my skin and no matter what I do I just can't shake him," her sister explained helplessly. Defensively Elena added, "Plus, what you did wasn't very sisterly; you knew I liked him first."
Addie scoffed and rolled her eyes despite the ache in her chest. "We've never been sisterly," she spat. "I think you wanting Damon proves that. Elena, you didn't have real feelings for him like I do. You liked him because he would do whatever the hell you wanted and he only did that because he was still in love with Katherine and you're her fucking carbon copy, right down to the part where you used him. Damon was and is a toy to you. I actually love him."
Elena's eyes narrowed into tiny slits as she glared at the younger girl and hissed, "I've never used him. Our feelings are real. If you hadn't left Damon here alone all summer you would probably still have him."
"I never said I wanted him!" Addie quipped back as Elena spun on her heel and left the room.
It was Friday before Addie looked over Damon's letter again and reflected on the things that were said. Perhaps he was serious about letting her go; he hadn't contacted her since the letter. She wasn't sure if he had talked to Elena but judging by the fact that Alaric was still in jail, that meant Damon hadn't intervened and she was probably choosing not to speak to him over that. Addie was mildly pleased that there at least wasn't any communication going on there, either.
It was possible that she was being a little hasty in her decision making and overreacting. Looking back on the words in his letter she knew he was right; she was always looking to see if Damon was going to hurt her again or if she was going to lose him. She didn't want to lose him in a repeat of their summer breakup; he'd broken up with her just because he had done something she didn't like. He had made a mistake in drugging her; his intentions had been to keep her safe. Really, she hadn't even been mad about the drugging it was the comment about not having time to deal with her that she had gotten so upset over. Maybe Damon did spend more time with Elena than Addie liked but there was never a time he hadn't been immediately available for however long Addie wanted him. He never picked Elena over her. She could see how all his choices, in his opinion, were in her best interest.
Perhaps she was just making excuses for him because she missed him. Perhaps it was because she was afraid of losing him. Perhaps she was simply jealous over the idea of Damon being with anyone else. Perhaps she was afraid of Elena hurting him. Perhaps it was that even though Damon hadn't been the world's greatest boyfriend, she hadn't been the best girlfriend. Addie couldn't give a solid explanation as to why she was knocking on the door to boarding house Friday evening. She had to try several times and wait several minutes for someone to answer. Stefan finally did just as she started to contemplate using her key.
"Addie," he greeted flatly, brushing sweat soaked hair out of his face. The white tank he wore clung to his skin and his breathing was heaving.
"Working out those cravings?" she smirked, ducking under his arm and sliding past him into the house.
"You shouldn't be here."
Addie waved her hand dismissively and replied nonchalantly, "Relax. You've tried ripping my throat out. Remember that horrible feeling you get in your throat? I'm probably the safest human for you to be around."
"My temper is a bit edgy. I could get a sudden desire to kill you," Stefan countered, drinking straight from the crystal decanter on top of the alcohol cabinet next to the couch.
She shrugged, unfazed. "I alway liked edgier Stefan better than Saint Stefan. Edgier Stefan sans humanity issues is cool. Your problem is that you're walking on a moral plane a mile high or a mile below. You need some balance. A little yin, a little yang."
"Did you just come over to give me life advice?" he asked, abruptly cutting her off.
Her eyes narrowed as she wagged an accusatory finger at him and teased, "You caught me. You're smart. I'm looking for your brother."
Knock. Knock. Knock.
Addie raised her eyebrows at Stefan, who stared at the door, his head slightly tilted. "Expecting company?"
"Only person I thought might possibly come over is already here. And whoever is on the other side of that door isn't human," he slowly answered.
"How do-"
"I can smell them."
Addie nodded slowly. "Of course. My nose is my peephole, too. So, werewolf, vampire, witch, hybrid, ghost, or none of the above?"
He frowned, "Vampire."
"Old or new?"
"New to you," Stefan muttered as he moved warily to the door, "but a blast from Damon's past." Stefan fully opened the door so that Addie could see the beautiful, tall woman with bright red hair landing around her shoulders. "Hello, Sage."
"Stefan, pleasure to see you again," she smiled politely. "Your brother to - oof!" she gasped in surprised when she hit an invisible wall trying to cross the threshold.
Stefan chuckled as he recalled, "Ah, that's right; last time you were here Zachariah had died and the house hadn't been passed on yet. You need an invitation to get in now."
"Convenient," she frowned.
Stefan shrugged, a humorous smile tugging at his lips. "It was Damon's idea."
The woman, Sage, raised a disbelieving eyebrow at him, "Damon vampire proofed a house?"
"He has a nasty little habit of generating a lot of enemies that want revenge," Addie contributed frostily, as she leaned against the entrance to the living room.
Sage quickly looked Addie over before her attention returned to Stefan. "Hiding from a fight doesn't sound like Damon."
Stefan laughed, "Damon does a lot of things that don't sound like him. He signed over the house to the girl he was dating to protect her."
"Your brother said you were doing a blood cleanse. I'm guessing it gives you a bad sense of humor. Damon doesn't date. And he definitely doesn't protect."
"That's what I said."
"Well, my brother is a love struck, pathetic idiot when it comes to this girl," Stefan said, sighing as if Damon were a lost cause.
"Is he as uptight and boring as he was when he was in love with Katherine?" the woman snickered.
Stefan contemplated this before concluding, "He's a bit more unhinged which makes his mood swings more volatile. Their relationship is hardly predictable so from an outsider's perspective, it's not that boring."
"Hey!" Addie exclaimed indignantly.
"You like edgier me," Stefan reminded, fluttering his eyelashes at her flirtatiously.
"Wait. Damon is dating you?" Sage asked slowly.
"They were dating but then Klaus the Original, who is actually not a legend, came between them."
"He did not! Will you just shut up?" scowled Addie.
Stefan jerked a thumb over his shoulder at Addie and rolled his eyes dramatically. "Fine," he yielded, "Damon doesn't have massive jealousy issues over Klaus. And Addie definitely doesn't have colossal jealousy issues over her sister so she definitely did not freak out when Damon told Elena, her sister, my ex-girlfriend, and Katherine's doppelganger, that he loved her."
Addie buried her face in her hands as she mumbled, "There is no expectation of privacy with siblings."
Sage looked over Addie again before boredly replying, "That sounds like a lot of… drama. Damon's not the type to do drama."
Addie bit her tongue to keep from retorting. Clearly they knew two very different Damon's. The Damon she knew was a one man show.
"So, you gonna invite me in, kid?" the woman asked confidently, tucking her hands into her peacoat.
No. A 'blast from Damon's past' was definitely code for one of his ex-no-strings-attached-sex partner. As confident as she was in his love for her, Addie didn't like the idea of past temptations appealing to Damon, a reminder of no drama and of sex, vampire sex, at that. She especially didn't want Damon around Sage during the weird breakup period they were experiencing. Then she really would be the insecure girlfriend with jealousy issues; she already felt crazy being jealous over Elena.
Addie turned to Stefan for help. "Would Damon want me to?"
"Uh…," Stefan wasn't quite sure what his brother would do. He knew Damon was fond of Sage but he also knew her temperament. "Well, as long as Sage understood Damon would kill everyone she ever cared about and her if she hurt you I think he would be ok with it. And since he's not here right now, playing mediator falls to me and, well, my humanity is all fucked up so I am more than capable of killing you right now, it would be my job to do that if you hurt Addie," he warned the older vampire, his smile never faltering.
"You know, I'm a proponent of you going back on the bunny diet if you're going to start treating me as helpless and defenseless as Damon does. Where is Damon?"
He laughed bitterly, "That's a, that's a good question. He pushes and pushes and pushes for me to feed, so he can help me learn to control it. By the next morning he's pulled a classic Damon. He's gone. Damon left. I can't reach him and he doesn't want to be reached."
Addie frowned. "That doesn't make any sense. How do you know he's left?"
"You mean how do I know my brother after almost 170 years? It's what he does, Addie. When things get tough or don't go his way, he causes damage and leaves a mess in his wake," Stefan snapped harshly.
"Alright," Addie said placatingly; she wasn't going to argue with a blood jonesing vampire. "Do you know where he went?"
Stefan sighed as he pushed his sweaty hair out of his face again, "Not for sure. Headlines suggest New York. Wouldn't be the first time he's gone there."
"You're welcome to go in," Addie grumbled as she stormed past Sage.
Body Found Behind Whitney Art Museum… Two Dead on 13th and Washington… Triple Homicide at Dance Club… Seven Murders This Week in Meatpacking District! Serial Killer?
There were variants from story to story, news source to news source but it was essentially the same four articles Addie continued to read as she combed through news on New York City for the past week. On Tuesday an unidentifiable, presumably homeless man died from massive blood loss at was found at the Whitney Museum of American Art. Police believe he was killed at another location due to no blood at the scene. On Wednesday a middle aged couple were the targets of a 'random murder' as there were no signs of assault and no evidence of robbery. Cause of death was not being released however people in the vicinity report hearing no sounds of gunfire or a struggle. When the number one dance club in the city, The Top of the Standard was being cleaned early Thursday morning workers found two patrons and an employee in the coat check area. The immediate cause of death was reported as unknown. A 19 year-old NYU student didn't report to classes on Friday. A less traditional source reported that she had been found in a subway station drained of blood.
It was all highly circumstantial. There was no proof that the murders were committed by a vampire. There was no proof that Damon was even in New York. Besides, that just wasn't Damon's style. The only reason people knew he was killing people when he first came to Mystic Falls was because he wasn't trying to blend in. He only slipped up and made the news when he killed that young woman the night Rose died and he decided to have an existential crisis. Though, it was possible that Damon wasn't trying to blend in while in New York City. Maybe he was just there to cause pain and destruction. It was quite unlikely that he was actually in New York. That was just Stefan's idea.
Unable to continue looking at blonde coed smiling up at her Addie shut her laptop as she reluctantly called Damon. She had to know.
"Hey," greeted his familiar voice softly on the fourth ring.
Addie hesitated as she strained to hear any background noise, the sounds of a club or horns and traffic, but there was nothing. Giving up she said, "I met your friend Sage."
Odd. Sage had not mentioned her plan to visit Mystic Falls when he had run into his first night in the city. That was a meeting that had the potential for disaster. "She try anything?"
"Why would you ask that? Actually, why did Stefan threaten to kill her on your behalf if she did?" Addie demanded, suddenly annoyed.
"It's just her views on humans and what they're useful for," he answered evasively.
"Really? Because according to her, you two seem to be on the pretty same wavelength," she snipped.
Damon ran his hand through his hair as he eyed the unconscious brunette on the hotel bed. "Sage's way is…"
"Easy? Uncomplicated? What you prefer?" suggested Addie.
"It's definitely easier and less complicated. As to it being what I prefer? I don't think it is. It's what I know. It's what I'm comfortable and familiar with," he muttered, knowing he was trying to explain away his actions to himself.
Not caring if she sounded petty or jealous she stated, "I don't like her."
"Well, no, of course you don't. I don't think I'd like you if you liked her. Sage literally uses a person then throws them away," Damon grumbled as he wondered how he was going to throw away the limp coed in his bed. Bringing her back to the hotel had been a bad judgment call but he had been more than a little drunk and she'd been more than a little eager to listen.
"Like you?" Addie said quietly.
He cleared his throat uncomfortably. "I think you know I'm not doing that to you."
"What are you doing with me? What do you mean you're letting go of me?" she demanded, suddenly distracted from her original reason for calling.
"I'm giving you some space. You're the one who kept telling me to leave, Addie. I did some things I shouldn't have and I get why you were upset so I'm not going to push my way back into your life. We ended up like this because I kept pushing."
"So, you left."
Damon's lips pursed; he wasn't going to let her twist this around and make him feel guilty. "No. You told me to go away so I did."
"Uh-huh," Addie hummed, not quite convinced by his reasoning. "How far away have you gone?"
"Nowhere I can't get back from in an emergency."
"How quick?"
"Eight hours, give or take."
Her eyes slipped closed as she pinched the bridge of her nose, lying back on her bed. She didn't want the truth but she had to know. "New York City is about eight hours away, especially the way you drive."
"Yep," Damon agreed as he looked over the balcony on the 54th floor. He could just toss the girl over the edge. It was so much messier than he liked but people tended to ask questions if you carried a body through a hotel. It would be easier to erase the security footage of the last six hours than to compel everyone he came in contact with. It was a shame; the girl was pretty. "A lot of places are eight hours away."
"Those places don't have headlines with increasing body counts," Addie mumbled.
"Well, those places don't have over 8 million people in less than 305 square miles. So many people packed like sardines and you're bound to have a few people go nuts every day."
Addie groaned loudly, he was going to keep dancing around the issue. She hated when their conversations had to be direct. "Are you responsible for those headlines?"
"No," he answered quickly and definitively. "I may be narcissistic but I don't write news articles about myself."
"You know that's not what I meant. Are you the one… killing?"
"Oh. You mean, am I being a vampire, a predatory species that lives on human blood? I think you choose to forget that little part a lot of the time," he snapped. He didn't know why he was frustrated with her. It was always his decision to use blood bags or not. He'd made a conscious decision not to take blood bags when he left Mystic Falls. He could have stopped at a hospital or a blood bank if he wanted to.
Addie scoffed humorlessly, "You don't think I've accepted who and what you are, Damon? If I chose to forget you were a predatory vampire, why was my first response to call and see if you were ok when I heard that you were making headlines again? I didn't feel angry at you for leaving or for even murdering innocent people. I was scared and concerned about you."
"That's just it, Addie. You think there's something wrong when I act like a vampire. You never consider that it's just me being me. It's who I've been and what I've done for 146 years. I've actually enjoyed it for nearly the last hundred."
"So why not do it all the time if you enjoy it?" she challenged, certain he was just trying to deny being angry or upset.
Damon snorted, "Yeah, that will go over well with the Founder's Council. It's a simple matter of survival."
"And so you only do it when you slip up and lose control! Otherwise you're not stupid enough to risk getting yourself caught and killed."
"Interesting theory but, like I said, there's over 8 million people in NYC and there's no suspect in the killings. I-"
"They suspect a serial killer! It doesn't take much for a person to figure out who's new to the neighborhood since the murders. And with the manner of death, it's not hard to figure out a vampire did them. It's not long before someone puts together that's it you, Damon," Addie interrupted him animatedly.
"Thank you for your concern but I managed to tear this town apart for the better part of twenty years with no problems," he replied casually.
Calmer, quieter, she added, "I don't want you to be gone that long."
His heart beat faster and there was a weird tugging in his stomach at that simple admittance. "I won't be gone that long."
"How long will you be gone?"
"Until you tell me to come back," Damon sighed.
"Now?" Addie asked hopefully.
He ran his fingers through his hair and hesitated, "Not yet. You're still upset with me."
She bit her lip, wishing she could tell him he was wrong.
"You want me back in Mystic Falls so I'll stop killing people."
"Sorry if I'm not a fan of you slaughtering innocent people. Just because I accept the fact that you do it doesn't mean I have to support it," she curtly retorted.
"I know, so I'll offer you a deal. I'll stop slaughtering the innocent if you promise to stay away from Sage and Ric," Damon proposed.
Her eyebrows arched in surprise. "Alaric?"
Damon kicked at the dead girl's foot as it dangled off the edge of the bed. He hadn't noticed she was wearing black Converse. Addie would have worn purple Converse to match the purple top. "Yeah, I'm not convinced he isn't the one running around killing people. I only left because he's locked in a cell. I want you to call me the minute he's released. He's already almost killed you once. I don't want him finishing the job this time."
"Wouldn't he have already killed me if he wanted to? I mean, I live with him. I'm pretty much a defenseless victim if he wanted to pick the lock to my room one night," Addie countered.
"I'm not convinced it's something he has any control over, either. This isn't the first time council members have been serially attacked. Stefan and I are trying to connect the two experiences. Until we figure it out or can 100% rule Alaric out, like someone is murder while he's in jail, I want you to stay away from him," he explained patiently.
"Overprotective nutcase," she mumbled, a slight smile tugging at her lips. "I'll stay away from Sage and Alaric."
"And I'll stop killing people." Nothing wrong with snatching, eating, and erasing, though. "But I do have to get rid of one more body."
"Damon!"
"It's not like I killed her while I was talking to you. I did that before picking up; that's why I almost missed your call."
She let out a groan of despair. "You really do know how to make yourself attractive to a girl."
He scoffed, "You're just impossible to impress. Luckily that's not my problem anymore."
"What if I still want it to be your problem?" she asked after a long silence.
Damon sighed as he ran his hand through his hair. He definitely didn't want to push her away but he didn't want to cloud her judgement. Slowly he answered, "I think you told me Sunday night/Monday morning that you didn't want it to be my problem. I think you're confused about what you really want. I'm not letting you go for a few days, Addie. I'm letting you go long enough for you to really look at this and consider it from all angles and decide what you really want because I can't do the indecisive 'I want you, I don't' thing. So, once you've really thought about this we can revisit this topic of conversation."
"You make 'no' sound so pretty," Addie grumbled.
"Well, one of us has to be pretty and, love, desperate and needy definitely doesn't work on you," Damon sassed.
Addie gasped, scandalized and appalled, "I am not!"
"No," he chuckled, "but you are confused. If I was with you I'd feel like I was taking advantage of you."
Addie huffed, "Hmph! I hate it when you're right and try to be noble."
Damon snickered, "And you hate it when I'm immoral and kill people. You live in a perpetual state of confusion and contradictions. We can't figure much out until you sort that out. Now, I have to go take care of a body."
How she could be in love with this man who so casually talked about disposing of someone he just killed? Why was it so easy to excuse his behavior as it being the only way he was capable of handling his emotions? Why did she still want him when he clearly didn't feel the same way?
"Goodnight, Damon."
"Goodnight, Ads." He bit his lip to keep from adding that he loved her. Only with Addie's twisted logic would telling someone you loved them more often mean less to them. He was going to have to fight his instinct if he wanted to prove to her how he felt.
But for now they'd each take some space to figure out what came next.
A/N: Guys, come on! Of course Damon is in love with Addie, not Elena. He's crazy about his Ads. Which is why he's kind of starting to lose when he hears she wants to end it. Just a little bit. For now. We all know Damon's potential for destruction when he's hurting. And I promise there's no need to hate on Elena. Next chapter we see Damon come back to town and we have some fun with Klaus.
You guys are the most amazing readers ever! Thank you so, so, so, so, so much for your comments! Did you know that if you do a Google search for 'hostage con' this story comes up? You guys have made this story reach Google status. I am completely beyond flattered. Your comments and reads mean the world to me!