A/N I have no idea why I named this episode 'Shiny Happy People', except maybe because I named the last one Larger Than Life, based on another REM song. Naming these episodes and the chapters in them was often the most work each time. The episode summaries were pretty bad, too, since I wrote them when I posted the first chapter and I had no idea of how the last chapter would turn out.

Sarah squirmed in her seat, uncomfortable in every position. When the seat fit, her clothes were too tight. When she was comfortable in her clothes, she felt too hot. If by some miracle she found a posture that suited her, she got tingles and muscle aches that forced her to move and start the whole dance all over again. She hadn't needed to, but she'd gone to the bathroom three times already just for the walk.

Carina noticed, of course. She wasn't really reading the fashion magazine in front of her, she'd already determined that she was ahead of the curve in every way and was merely gloating. "Something wrong, Walk—Bartowski?"

Sarah froze. Busted. Still she tried to bluff. "There's something wrong with this seat."

Call. "You want to change?"

Fold. They'd already exchanged seats, and Carina looked quite comfortable where she was. "No," said Sarah, rubbing her sweaty palms on her pants. "It wouldn't do any good."

"Probably not, Blondie. You look like you're about to join the Mile High club all by yourself, and that's just wrong on so many levels."

Chuck kissing her. Chuck nuzzling at her neck. Chuck sending her across the continent alone. She squirmed in her seat some more. "I hate my husband."

Carina looked up. "That might work."

Chuck rang the bell, even though his sister had long ago given him a key. She'd also told him that Devon would be home tonight, so he didn't think he'd have to use it, and he wasn't disappointed.

"Hey Chuck, come on in, bro. Ellie said you'd be coming by."

Chuck stepped through the doorway, gave his brother-in-law a hug. "Hi, Devon. It's been too long."

"That it has, Chuckmeister, that it has. But if I had a wife as beautiful as yours at home you wouldn't be seeing me that often either."

"You do."

"You see my point, then," said the blond Adonis, with his trademark broad grin. "Sarah out saving the world again?"

"No, just a…small piece of it." Devon was on call for the Medical needs of the Intersect Project, but not cleared for their activities otherwise. "She's in the air now, and I'll be supporting her team later."

Which meant Ellie would be busy later too. Devon was used to the two of them working long and incompatible shifts, but that didn't mean he had to like it. Fortunately her schedule was a lot more regular now they were in DC. "That's great, bro. I was just gonna do an hour on the bike, maybe some crunches with a protein shake chaser, especially if El's not gonna be home. But we can do some takeout if you like."

"No need, Captain, no need." Time to man up, Bartowski. "You mind if I join you, maybe try out one of your famous shakes?"

Another bright smile. "Awesome! Hey, you wanna go for a run instead?"

Chuck's smile was weaker, but trying. "Promise you'll go easy on me? I have to work tonight."

"No problem, Chuck. Run a couple of miles, down one of my special specials, and all will be right with your world."

Chuck just nodded. The things we do for love.

"Hey, Blondie, wait up."

Sarah paused and turned. "Hurry up. We've got to get to Morgan." She let the 'before they do' hang unspoken.

"We've got to do nothing," whispered Carina fiercely when she was close enough. "We are two hot babes on vacation, ogling and being ogled. Anything else is breaking cover." Sarah wiggled her ringed fingers in Carina's face, and walked away. "Okay, one hot babe and…whatever you are," said Carina, hurrying to catch up. "Which is good, by the way. I get all the spillover."

"You can't honestly think we're going to be here long enough for it to matter?"

"A girl can dream, can't she?"

"No!" Sarah said. "No, I can't dream. I would love to dream, and dream of making that dream a gushy reality, but this mission doesn't need Sarah Bartowski right now, it needs Agent Walk—Bartowski."

"Geez, Blondie, I thought you took care of that back at the hotel. You should have gone before we left."

"'Gone'?"

"I'm being subtle. One verb is as good as another to a girl in your condition."

"This is you being subtle? 'Cause you kind of suck at it."

"I suck at—No. Nope. I'm not gonna do it."

Sarah rolled her eyes but kept walking. "Not gonna do what?"

"Sleazy banter. I need to upgrade, thanks to that boytoy of yours."

Sarah turned in mid-step. "You've been trying your sleazy tricks on my husband?"

Heads turned up and down the street.

Carina moved in close, perhaps not the safest move but a necessary one. "Geez, Walker, chill out. Save it for when we need a diversion." Normally she didn't mind being stared at by strangers, but not this way, and she strode away first, forcing Sarah to play catch-up. Under her breath, she muttered, "It's not like they work on him anyway. Not when he has you so ready and willing, Mrs. Bunny Rabbit."

Sarah laughed. "You've got that completely wrong. It's not because he's my husband that he ignores your lines, it's because he ignores your lines that he's my husband. Do you really think that upgrading your cheap moves will work any better?"

Carina frowned at the claim that anything about her was cheap, but deep down she knew they were. She saw that now, and it was all Chuck's fault for being such a boy scout. "No, but that's not the point. They're supposed to be fun, not embarrassing."

"Especially not so embarrassing that they drive him right into the arms of the enemy."

Professional failure was the only thing that could make Carina blush like that. "Way to rub it in, Walker."

"Bartowski."

"I thought we didn't need Sarah Bartowski on this mission."

Sarah pursed her lips fuming. Suddenly her faced cleared, and she smiled. "You know, you're right. This mission doesn't need Sarah Bartowski at all. So I think I'll let her go back to the hotel and lie there in frustrated splendor, thinking up a suitable punishment."

"For Chuck?" He'd need a walker when she was through with him.

"Sarah Bartowski already knows what Chuck's punishment will be, and it'll land on him like a ton of bricks as soon as she can get him alone. This punishment's for you. She still hasn't forgiven you yet."

Chuck stared at the glass, its contents an interesting shade of…tan. He took a deep breath, and let it out slowly. "This is my mission, and I've chosen to accept it."

Devon stood by the sink, rinsing out the blender. "It's just a protein shake, bro. No need to act like it's your last meal."

"If it tastes like it looks, it may very well be."

"Come on, this is a baby shake." He flipped the towel over his shoulder. "Starting you off easy, just like you said."

Chuck took a cautious sip. "What's in it?"

Devon backed away. "Oh no, I'll tell you that after it's done. Down the hatch. Can't be awesome without being —" dramatic pause "—awesome." He folded his arms and waited.

Try as he might, Chuck couldn't refute that argument. "Here goes." He closed his eyes, held his breath, and drank the whole thing down in one long pull. "Now, spill it."

Devon smiled as he took the glass and rinsed it. "That was just four eggs and a glass of orange juice, whizzed up in a blender. Wait until you get to the real drinks."

"Is there some kind of Manly-Man school that you and Casey both went to, cause I swear—" His phone buzzed, and he checked the text. "Gotta go, big guy. Thanks for the workout." He hobbled to the door.

"You want me to carry you? Might be faster."

"No thanks. I'm good. And I'm gonna get better."

"It's not impossible, bro. We'll get you where you want to go," said Devon with firm conviction. "It's just gonna take a long time and hurt a lot."

"I think I figured that part out already."

They knew they were getting close when they spotted the line. Both ladies ran their fingers through their hair casually, activating ear comms that connected back to a relay in their hotel which bounced the signal around the planet to Chuck, sitting inside his insulated bunker.

He was also watching from orbit, but once they went inside it would be ears only. "Perfection, this is Graboid, you are live."

Carina. "What happened to 'Telescope'?"

"This is radio."

"Then I want a radio name too."

"The only woman really in the movie was named Rhonda, she was the romantic lead."

Sarah. "I don't think so, Chuck."

"Yeah, I didn't think you would. How about 'Bedrock'?"

Carina shook her head, muttering, "Not gonna do it" under her breath.

Sarah smirked. "That would be a no, Graboid."

"Rats. I figured if I couldn't get her into bed I could at least get a bed into her." Sarah swallowed a laugh and looked over at Carina, who was turning purple with either suppressed laughter or rage. "How about 'Stampede'?"

Carina. "Those are my choices?"

"Best I can do, off the cuff like this."

"Fine, 'Stampede.' I hate you more than your wife does right now. And she hates you a lot."

Chuck started to sweat. "Sweetie?"

Sarah. "Sweetie's back in the hotel room, planning various revenges. Agent Bartowski plus one is waiting to get this mission underway."

"Jump the line, Perfection." Revenge for what?

"Jumping, Graboid."

They walked down the street, completely past the line, to a newly-hired bouncer and his clipboard. The windows of this restaurant were papered with clippings, accounts of the events of a few days ago and their trainee's starring role. Sarah looked up, expecting to see a homemade 'Home of the Griminator' sign, but apparently good sense (and taste) had prevailed at least once in this snafu. "Excuse me," said Sarah, "I'm looking for Morgan Grimes."

"Back of the line, ladies."

"My name is Sarah Bartowski. I'm a personal friend."

"I'm sure you are."

"Morgan Grimes moved here from Los Angeles. He used to work at a Buy More in Burbank, where his best friend was and still is Charles Irving Bartowski, king of the Nerd Herd and my husband." She flashed him a picture of the three of them together.

The guard pulled out his radio. "Somebody for Grimes, a hot blonde, name of Bartowski." He listened to his earpiece, then pulled the rope aside. "Enjoy your stay, ladies."

"Thank you."

Morgan sat enthroned at the bar, drinking free grape soda while acting as a combination greeter, hero, and king, when he was required to act at all. The job suited him. The first thing he did when they got to him was sign their photo. "Chuck's not with you?"

"No, he's still back in DC. He sent us, though. Morgan, do you have any idea of the danger you're in?"

"Danger? Don't I know it! All these fans and my sweet Anna-belle is just a little bit possessive. Make that a big bit possessive. Thank God they hired the bouncers, keeping the mob under control. But you can go back to DC and tell Chuck not to worry, I won't let it change me."

"Morgan…"

"Well, well, well," said a slightly inebriated man as he oozed himself in behind Sarah. "It looks like the king of Benihana has finally found his queen! This calls for a celebration! Bartender, a round of drinks for the lucky lovely ladies."

This just kept getting better and better. "Thanks, but no," said Sarah, turning. She raised her hand. "Very married, very happy."

The man grabbed her wrist. "Oh we know who you are, Mrs. Carmichael," he said, poking her in the ribs with his concealed pistol. "That's why we're celebrating."