There's Always More

by AlicevsWonderland

Hogwarts AU. When Hiccup's secret of being the first to train a dragon is revealed, he struggles to handle his new popularity among the other students. Jack decides not to bother him like many of the others, even though he is also curious about the whole story. Despite this, an unlikely friendship blooms between the two boys and eventually turns into something more. Rated M!

10. Comfort

Jack tried his best to eat the pancakes on his plate, but that familiar nausea bubbled inside him. He sighed and forced himself to take a few more bites anyway. He couldn't starve himself, even if he didn't feel like eating.

He rubbed his temples to try to relieve the headache he'd had since he woke up. Parts of the conversations from the Gryffindors around him invaded his mind, but he tuned them out and became lost in his own thoughts. It was weird and unnerving how he and Hiccup had become such a big part of each other's lives in a short time. He'd gone five years without knowing Hiccup, but suddenly he couldn't imagine not looking at him sitting by the Ravenclaw table every day at every meal, not hearing that nasal voice shoot sarcastic remarks at him, not seeing those green eyes filled with amusement, and not watching him get adorably embarrassed at appreciative attention.

He put down his fork. If he forced himself to eat more, he might throw up. He focused on getting something to drink instead and enjoyed the tangy, refreshing taste of the orange juice. It was nice to get some sugar in his body, and before long, it seemed to have dulled the headache.

He listened to the conversation taking place between his friends about some girl in Mavis' Frog Choir practice, who was ruining everything for everyone with her dramatic outbursts. He fought the impulse to turn his head and look at Hiccup. If he was going to succeed in pretending everything was fine, he needed to pull himself together. His friendship with Hiccup depended on it, and he couldn't mess that up. He wanted Hiccup to be in his life. Well, if he was completely honest with himself, it was more than that. He needed him to be in his life.

It'd only been two days since he realized his feelings for him, and he was struggling. His mind was occupied constantly with thoughts of Hiccup, and he had trouble focusing on anything else. Today was going to be his first day back in class, since he had his anxiety attack. A part of him was looking forward to being around his friends and trying to get back to normal, but another part was dreading being around Hiccup. He missed him whenever he was away from him, but it was complicated dealing with his new found feelings.

As he took another sip of his orange juice, he glanced down the Gryffindor table and spotted McGowan and Levin in deep conversation. They were such wankers. He'd always disliked them because of their bully tendencies, but now that he knew they couldn't stand Hiccup, it made him loathe them even more.

After breakfast, he, Merida and Flynn made their way towards their first class of the day. Hiccup was already gone, but that wasn't unusual. When they entered the Defense against the Dark Arts classroom, Jack spotted him instantly, and his heartbeat quickened. He smiled to himself, eager to be near him despite his anxiousness.

"Morning," Hiccup said and smiled, when they took their seats. Merida and Flynn quickly got back to the discussion on Flynn's newest fling that they'd started in the corridors.

Hiccup scribbled more runes on his parchment, eyes darting back and forth from the heavy textbook to his notes. He was relieved Hiccup hadn't tried to strike up a conversation, but maybe that was because he wanted to get those notes done. Or maybe he was deliberately keeping some distance. Nonetheless, it was comforting being around him without having to talk.

Jack took out his textbook, some parchment and his quill from his backpack and twirled the quill in his hand. This was so unfamiliar. He wasn't used to feeling nervous about being around someone. Even the crushes he'd had in the past hadn't been this bad. His friendship with Hiccup had been so comfortable right from the start. Sure, Hiccup kept him at arm's length, protecting himself, but it'd always been easy to joke around or have long conversations. What if that changed now?

Hiccup closed his book and put down the quill. He watched Jack for a few moments in silence.

"Are you okay?" Hiccup said with a concerned look.

No, he wasn't. Not remotely okay.

"Yeah, I'll be fine," he found himself saying without much emotion.

Hiccup watched him intently. Jack was close to looking away, but he forced himself not to. It was unpleasant to have Hiccup look at him like he could read his mind.

Hiccup gave him a sad smile that showed he didn't believe him.

Shit. Jack clenched one of his hands under the table.

But Hiccup didn't try to get him to talk. He just took out his sketchbook from his satchel and began working on a drawing of Rapunzel and Pascal. Hiccup never worked on his drawings before class, when Jack was around, so it was a clear sign that Hiccup wanted to give him some space. Thank whatever god might exist for that.

While Hiccup traced the charcoal pencil along the paper, carefully working on Pascal's scales, he bit his lip in concentration and leaned his head forward to focus on the tiny details. His brown hair fell slightly into his eyes, and he pushed it aside, tucking some of it behind his ear.

Jack stared at him. The urge to reach out and touch him was so strong his fingertips tingled. He wanted to let his hands glide through those soft locks. Feel the smooth skin on Hiccup's face. Run a finger along Hiccup's lips and pull him into a kiss and…

He pulled himself together. No. Don't think about that. Never think about that.

"Hey, Jack?" he heard that nasal voice say, breaking his trance.

"Yeah?" he asked, meeting Hiccup's eyes. Shit. Did he notice he was staring at him?

"You were kind of gone there for a minute," Hiccup said with smile tugging at his lips.

Okay, so Hiccup hadn't noticed. But what could he say to that? Oh yeah, you know, I was just thinking about what it would be like to touch you and snog you into the ground?

"I'm just tired, so I spaced out," he said and shrugged to seem casual.

Hiccup chuckled and the familiar sound made Jack feel warm. "Okay, Snowflake. Just don't fall asleep."

"Why not?"

"Because A) Professor Bunnymund would probably give you detention, B) I don't want drool on the table and C) I'd draw all over your face," Hiccup said and gave him a crooked smile.

"What? I don't drool when I sleep. And don't you dare draw on this beautiful face, you stupid Viking," he said, pretending to be offended. It was a relief to get back to some kind of normalcy with Hiccup, even if it was just for a moment.

Hiccup chuckled. "Well, I've warned you now. If you fall asleep, I'll do stuff to you."

The heat shot into Jack's cheeks. Hiccup should not be allowed to say things like that. He poured all his effort into not showing how much those words affected him. That would just make Hiccup suspicious. He was already having trouble maintaining eye contact with him.

"Fine, fine, Hic. I won't fall asleep then. I don't want my face marred," he said.

"Marred? I think the word you're looking for is "improved," Hiccup shot back. Apparently, Flynn and Merida overheard this, since they both laughed.

"What? Like this level of beauty could ever be improved," Jack said with that fake arrogant attitude in place and gestured to himself.

Hiccup shook his head and smiled in amusement, before turning his attention back to his drawing. Jack exhaled slowly, enjoying how some of the tension seeped out of his body. The friendly banter was progress. Maybe there was some hope for him to act normally around Hiccup.

Jack looked at the two small braids in Hiccup's hair. He'd wondered several times, if Astrid had given him those, since she seemed to take great joy in redoing them. There was no way he could ask about that without it seeming weird though… was there? He wanted to know. Try to find some small way of decoding how Hiccup felt about her. The fact that Hiccup still needed to make a decision on what to do was looming over Jack, a constant threat ready to break him.

He sighed to himself. Screw it. He was going to ask. Maybe talking would also make him feel more normal.

"Hey, Hic?" he asked, keeping his eyes fixed on the quill in his hand.

"Yeah?"

"I was just thinking… Your braids. Were they your idea?" he asked and looked Hiccup in the eye for the briefest of moments, before watching his quill again.

Hiccup chuckled. "No, they weren't. Braids are very common among Vikings and one day some of the kids on Berk decided to give me these. Then Astrid and Rapunzel took a liking to them and started redoing them whenever they unraveled and since then I've just gotten used to them."

Jack nodded with a small smile. It was a relief that Astrid wasn't behind it, but the thought of her touching Hiccup like that... He had to squash the hostility inside him and remind himself that none of this was her fault.

"Why are you asking?" Hiccup said.

Jack clutched the quill tighter in his hand. "I don't know. I was just thinking it doesn't seem like something you'd do," he found himself saying, which was a lot better than what he was thinking.

"You're right about that," Hiccup said and let out a yawn.

"Well, well, seems like Jackie's not the only one who's tired," Flynn's amused voice said from next to him.

Hiccup turned his attention to Flynn. "Yeah, I lost track of time again and didn't get much sleep."

"Bloody hell, Hiccup, that happens a lot. Maybe you should start being less distracted," Merida said with a grin.

"I know, I know. I just get lost in my own mind sometimes," Hiccup said and let out another yawn.

Flynn and Merida chuckled. Jack smiled at how cute Hiccup was, when he was yawning. Merida was right though. It happened often that Hiccup didn't get enough sleep. Hiccup always said he was good at losing track of time, when he was occupied with something, but Jack always had a feeling there was something more behind it.

Professor Bunnymund abandoned his usual practical approach today and Jack was grateful for that. In general, he loved that Defense against the Dark Arts always had so many actual exercises, where they got to practice the spells, but today he didn't feel like being active, so he was content with just listening to their Australian professor's lecture on dementors and the Patronus charm. They were all going to be practicing this charm next time, and despite his mood, Jack found himself looking forward to that. He'd often wondered what his Patronus would be.

He tried his best to scribble down a few notes here and there, but more often than not, he snuck glances at Hiccup, who was eagerly writing down runes and raising his hand once in a while to answer Professor Bunnymund's questions. Hiccup landed himself in detention on rare occasions for sassing the teachers, but he wasn't a Ravenclaw for nothing. It was pathetic that he kept trying to look at him without him noticing, but he couldn't help himself. It was a craving.

After class, he, Hiccup and Flynn headed towards Transfiguration while Merida had Earth Magic. Usually, they kept themselves occupied with banter and talking, but he didn't feel like doing that, so he just listened to Flynn's and Hiccup's conversation about the Patronus charm. They sounded just as eager as Jack to find out what their Patronuses would be.

In the busy corridors, they bumped shoulders with other students, and a blanket of sound from excited chatter, rustling bags and shoes scraping across stone floors bounced off the old castle walls. Should he sling an arm around Hiccup as usual? On one hand, Hiccup was used to it, and he might find it strange, if he stopped doing it. On the other hand, he wasn't sure if he could handle it. He longed to feel Hiccup's familiar warmth, but what if he couldn't keep pretending, when he was so close to him?

He ended up not doing it, and Hiccup didn't question it, thankfully. He had a weak ember of hope, that he could become comfortable with leaving friendly touches on Hiccup again. It would hit him hard, if he couldn't even touch him anymore. Not to mention that if he stopped completely, Hiccup would definitely become suspicious.

Jack remained quiet, lost in his own thoughts. When they turned a corner and headed down another passageway, this one a little less busy, someone poked him on the shoulder. He stopped in his tracks and turned around.

It was a Ravenclaw girl with dark curls and dimples. Oh great. With those new emotions ripping apart his life, he had no desire to interact with anyone new. He glanced behind him and saw Flynn and Hiccup waiting for him with knowing looks on their faces.

"Hi, Jack," the girl said.

"Hi," he said without much emotion. I'm sorry, whatever your name is. I wish I could be a nicer guy right now.

"Uh, I just wanted to give you this," she told him and passed him a note.

He took it reluctantly without saying anything. He forced himself to give her a strained smile. He was in the middle of a crisis, but he didn't want to take that out on anyone.

"Well, see you," she said and laughed awkwardly before she scurried away down the corridor.

He shrugged at Flynn and Hiccup and the three of them started walking towards their next class again.

He used to be amused, sometimes even happy, to receive notes. Being liked was always a nice feeling. But now, as he unfolded the note and took in the short but sweet message, he wasn't pleased at all. It wasn't that he disliked her or the message, but it reminded him that he was only interested in one person, and that person was walking next to him, completely oblivious to his inner turmoil.

---

There were only a few other students around, when he, Flynn and Jack took their seats by one of the tables in the Transfiguration classroom. A yawn escaped his lips. He put his black satchel on the table. Gods, he really should be better at keeping track of time but flying with Toothless was what he enjoyed doing more than anything in the world, so time always passed so quickly.

He met Jack's eyes for a brief moment, before Jack looked away. He sighed and tugged on one of his braids. Jack tried his best to hide it, but there was still something wrong with him. He had trouble maintaining eye contact, he didn't leave any friendly touches like he usually did, he seemed melancholy and tired, and he was a lot quieter than usual. Hiccup tapped his finger on the table, as he once again, maybe for the hundredth time in the last couple of days, ran scenarios through his mind about what could possibly be bothering Jack this much. As usual though, he came up empty. He ran a hand through his hair in a frustrated gesture.

All of this was such a strange and unpleasant change. He missed Jack's bubbly laughter, his pranks, his friendly teasing, everything. I can't even do anything to help him. I'm just fucking useless.

He took out his sketchbook and his charcoal pencils and began working on the drawing of Rapunzel and Pascal, while Flynn tried to talk to Jack about what they were going to do for their annual Christmas shopping trip to Hogsmeade. Jack only gave him short, quiet replies.

Hiccup focused on getting Rapunzel's eyes just right. He'd promised he'd let Jack have his secrets and give him space and time to recover from whatever was gnawing at his mind, and he'd keep that promise. So, unless Jack began to initiate something himself, Hiccup would just be by his side for support, despite how much he wanted to chase Jack's demons away.

His thoughts drifted to Astrid and he almost fucked up one of Rapunzel's eyelids. He still had that decision to make… the one that made him feel sick and would probably end badly, no matter what he chose. He still had no idea what to do, but he was going to have a long talk with Rapunzel and Fishlegs. Maybe they could help him figure it out.

He spotted movement. Rapunzel approached them, carrying a few books under one arm.

"Hi, guys!" she said with a huge smile and took a seat on his other side. She put the books on the table with a thud.

"Hey," Hiccup said and he couldn't help smiling at her usual enthusiasm, despite his problems.

He saw something familiar in her bag, so he leaned over and took a quick look inside to see Pascal all cuddled up in Rapunzel's blue and grey striped Ravenclaw scarf.

"Hey, Pascal," he said.

Pascal looked up at him before going back to just relaxing in his comfortable position.

"How was DADA?" Rapunzel said and pulled out her textbook.

"It was fine. We're actually going to practice the Patronus charm next time," he said. He was looking forward to that and he was curious to see what his Patronus would be. Being a Viking and a dragon rider, he also liked being prepared for anything, so magic that could help protect himself and those he cared about was always his top priority at Hogwarts.

"Really? That's great," Rapunzel said with a bright smile.

"Yeah, it'll be fun to see what it is. And if I can even do it," Hiccup said. He was under no illusions. He did well in most classes, and he was usually quick to pull off new spells, but the Patronus charm wasn't easy.

"Of course, you can, Hiccup. Sure, it's a difficult spell, but you're talented, so it won't be a problem," Rapunzel reassured him, tucking a lock of hair behind one of her ears.

"Thanks," he said and smiled at her. Rapunzel always seemed to believe in him, no matter how much he doubted himself.

"Just hope it's not an embarrassing Patronus," Rapunzel said, her smile blooming into a grin.

"Like what?" he said. He hadn't even considered that a Patronus could be embarrassing.

"Like…" she said, her forehead creasing in contemplation, "A rat. Or a dung beetle!"

Hiccup and Flynn chuckled. He glanced at Jack and there was a small smile on his lips. That's better than nothing.

"Wauw, thanks for thinking those are a possibility for me," Hiccup said with a monotone voice.

"Come on, you know I was only kidding," Rapunzel said.

"Yeah, I know."

"It'll probably be a slug," she said and nudged his shoulder playfully.

"It better not be," he said. "A Viking with a slug for a Patronus? That's just not okay. Besides, I don't even want to think about what that would say about me."

"I'm hoping my Patronus will be something cool like a panther or a wolf," Flynn said, his eyes practically brimming with anticipation.

"It'll probably be a peacock, you preening bastard," Jack muttered, and Hiccup, Flynn and Rapunzel all laughed. Even though Jack was sad these days, Hiccup felt warm inside, when he actually threw in a funny comment once in a while, giving him a glimpse of the Jack he knew.

"Aw, that's harsh, Jackie," Flynn said, pretending to be hurt. "But at least it won't be a bloody arctic lemming or a blubbery penguin like yours will probably be."

"Whatever, Eugene," Jack said with a small smile.

Flynn's eyes widened before he coughed and got himself under control.

Hiccup was confused, but there was obviously a story behind it. He shared a look with Rapunzel, who looked just as baffled.

He glanced at the rows of tables closest to them and locked eyes with Emily, a fellow Ravenclaw. She waved at him and gave him a shy smile. He looked away like someone had wrenched his head to the side, but of course, it didn't make a difference. Seriously, Hiccup, you're a Viking and a dragon rider and you can't even handle people showing any interest in you. Why are you incapable of acting like a normal human being? Well, obviously, you're not normal, but at least pretend to be sometimes.

When class was almost over, Professor Hyde announced that they were going to begin practicing turning each other into animals next time. Rapunzel squealed in excitement and Hiccup chuckled. He was looking forward to that too since human transfiguration was one of the most difficult kinds. He was just hoping that Rapunzel (or Jack or Flynn) wouldn't transfigure him into some kind of weird cross-breed.

---

Jack walked along one of the passageways with Hiccup, Flynn and Rapunzel on their way to the old gloomy dungeons. It definitely helped with his awkwardness to have Rapunzel there. She occupied Hiccup with plenty of talking about everything from her newest sketches to Pascal's latest habit of stealing her socks to sleep in. But she was only with them for a little while, before she had to head in a different direction for her next class.

When he found himself in the large dusty classroom that always smelled of old parchment and potion residue, Jack spotted the two familiar people by their usual workstation. Merida seemed to be complaining about Potions to Mavis, who listened attentively and with genuine interest, despite having heard the same complaints for years now. A small smile tugged at his lips.

Hiccup took his place next to Fishlegs, who was already sitting by the workstation next to theirs, just like it had become a habit to do, so all of them could be close to each other in class, despite not sharing workstations.

"So, what's the torture we're going to endure today?" Merida said as he sat down next to her.

"I think it's a love potion antidote," Mavis said and flipped open her Potions textbook.

"That'll be nice to know," Flynn said and nodded.

"Aw, come on, you haven't even been close to being poisoned with a love potion," Mavis said with a grin.

"True, but that's probably only because I've taken Hiccup's advice to never drink or eat anything anyone gives me. People can be seriously sneaky and devious sometimes, right Jackie?" Flynn said.

"Yeah, definitely," Jack said but didn't elaborate. It was true though. He'd also taken Hiccup's advice since that day they were taught how to brew Amortentia and he saw the excited looks in several people's eyes. It blew his mind that this shit was still legal. It was basically mind control, and it put him on edge to think about it. Something was very wrong with the values of the wizarding community sometimes.

"See?" Flynn said to Mavis, who just shook her head.

Merida rolled her eyes. "Like anyone would bother giving you a love potion."

"Except for you, of course," Flynn shot back and winked at Merida.

Mavis chuckled and a tiny smile appeared on Jack's lips.

"Right," Merida said with no emotion on her face. "I just yearn so much for you."

"Oh, I know you do, Curly. All those spiteful remarks are just a way of covering up the sexual tension between us," Flynn said in a low voice and winked at her.

Mavis burst out laughing and slammed her hand on the workstation. Merida narrowed her eyes, but was unable to hide that tiny smile. Jack couldn't help grinning at his wonderful, ridiculous friends and it was a relief to have these little moments of joy among all the dark thoughts he was having lately.

Merida and Mavis became occupied by a conversation about Mavis' overprotective dad, who'd questioned her in his latest letter about whether any boys were trying something suspicious with her.

Flynn pulled his textbook out of his bag and began flipping through the pages. Jack knew he hadn't studied for today, so he was trying to get some last minute knowledge in. Jack hadn't studied either, because he had a lot of trouble focusing these days, but luckily, he had a knack for Potions, so he'd get through it anyway.

He found himself looking at Hiccup, and he smiled, when Hiccup let out a massive yawn. Leaning in over his workstation, Hiccup placed his arms in front of him and rested his weary head on them. Fishlegs shot Hiccup an amused glance, before going back to writing notes.

Hiccup just stayed there for a while, closing his eyes, clearly exhausted. His nose wrinkled as he sniffed and smacked his lips a few times, before his face was once again peaceful. That stupid fluttering sensation was back in Jack's stomach and all he wanted to do was go over there and run his fingers gently through Hiccup's hair. How was it even possible that a dragon-riding Viking could be adorable? Those things seemed to strongly contradict each other and yet in Hiccup, they just didn't. He was cute. Jack smiled to himself. He'd often thought about how Hiccup had a lot of trouble just resting his mind and letting go of all the thoughts swirling in his head.

After a few minutes, Hiccup slowly opened his eyes and blinked a few times. He lifted his head off the workstation and sat up again, a yawn escaping his lips, as he covered his mouth with one hand. He looked around, found Jack's eyes and smiled softly. Jack couldn't stop the warm smile that spread across his face and for a second time today, he temporarily forgot how tense it was to be around Hiccup at the moment.

How had he even managed to be in denial? Now that he'd realized how he felt, it'd been obvious. How had he actually convinced himself it was nothing but friendship? It seemed surreal now.

Hiccup broke eye contact with him and looked at the workstation for a few moments, before sighing and pulling out his textbook from his black satchel.

The smile melted off Jack's lips, when unwelcome thoughts about Hiccup and Astrid popped into his mind. His chest constricted. His breaths became strained. He was hoping for some kind of miracle, some kind of divine intervention that would make Hiccup reject her. Not that that was very likely but Jack was clinging to that almost non-existent sliver of hope.

When he turned his gaze away from Hiccup, he noticed Mavis watching him from across their workstation. She gave him a sympathetic smile. She understood what he was going through. It comforted him a little that he wasn't completely alone in this.

She was right. He'd been seeing signs of his feelings for Hiccup once in a while, but explaining them as something else. Now that would never be possible again, and as he once again found himself staring at Hiccup and feeling his heart beat faster, one thing was painfully unavoidable.

He was crushing so unbelievably hard.

---

Potions had been fairly uneventful and even though Hiccup was exhausted, he managed to brew a nice example of the love potion antidote – a potion he definitely had to remember despite his rule about never eating or drinking anything anyone gave him. He'd stayed quiet through most of the class, content to work in silence next to Fishlegs. The tiredness seemed to form a barrier between him and the rest of the world that made him pay much less attention to the people around him, the sounds, the smells, or anything else besides following the potion instructions. The only thing he'd noticed except his own exhaustion was that Jack was helping Merida with her potion despite his awful mood.

When Professor Creek dismissed the class, he and Fishlegs met up with Rapunzel by the greenhouses outside, since Herbology was their last class of the day. Hiccup enjoyed being in the greenhouses among all the plants and colourful flowers and the fresh smell of dirt. Luckily, they weren't dealing with anything venomous today, which he was relieved about. It was always tense to handle a plant that could potentially kill you and for some reason, the most venomous plants were also the most homicidal ones.

The Fanged Geraniums weren't without their risks though. They may not have venom, but they had sharp teeth, and he, Fishlegs and Rapunzel all ended up with nasty bite marks on their arms. Hiccup noticed that Jarvis, Know and Kinney kept their distance and stuck to sending him icy glares since that confrontation in the corridor, where Jack and Flynn looked like they were ready to rip the guys' heads off. Hiccup enjoyed not having to deal with them.

Since he, Fishlegs and Rapunzel finished extracting the fangs early, they spent the rest of the class quietly talking about Astrid and her confession. By the end of the class, he knew what he was going to do. That didn't stop the anxiety from rampaging through his body though.

After Herbology, he headed to the workshop. He had detention with Professor Cooke, since he'd missed his Building and Repairing Magical Objects class a few days ago when Jack had his anxiety attack, and they all went looking for him.

The scents of paint and sawdust floated through the air, soothing and familiar. Rows of organized tools hung on the stone walls and gleamed in the warm light of the lamps suspended from the huge dome ceiling.

He and Professor Cooke sat on opposite sides of a workstation in the middle of the enormous room, mending a couple of magical clocks that had malfunctioned. The workshop was quiet in the late hours of the afternoon, only interrupted by the weak clinking sounds of tools and Professor Cooke humming a faint melody, while he was tinkering. It was the coziest detention Hiccup had ever had.

He turned the clock in his hands. No cracks or dents on the case that could indicate it had been dropped. He started the process of taking the clock apart and examining every bit, looking for wear and tear, missing parts, dirt, any clue as to why it wasn't working properly.

"Huh," Professor Cooke said and used a set of pliers to scratch the back of his head. Eyes narrowed behind wireframe glasses, looking at the clock in front of him like it was a chess opponent he was trying to outsmart.

Hiccup smiled at the familiar sight and went back to working on his own clock. Bits and pieces of his talk with Rapunzel and Fishlegs played over and over in his head. He'd made the right decision about Astrid, but that didn't stop the constant thoughts in his head and the tension in his muscles.

He put the screwdriver by the rest of the tools, neatly lined up next to him. Fixing things was comforting. Much simpler than dealing with emotions. He took a minute to simply watch the partly disassembled clock in front of him, before his gaze drifted over the workstation, taking in the many dents, drops of paint and scorch marks that spoke of all the things that'd been built and mended here. Eventually, his thoughts settled on Jack like they constantly did these days. What was he doing right now? Could Flynn, Merida and Mavis cheer him up for a bit, or was he quiet and melancholy, struggling to even talk and make eye contact?

"Hiccup?"

He lifted his head. Professor Cooke looked at him with kind eyes behind his round glasses.

"Yes, Professor?"

"You seem distracted. Is everything okay?" Professor Cooke said, a set of long steel tweezers in his hands. Short nails, abrasions, scars. Much like Hiccup's own hands.

He sighed. "I'm sorry. I have a lot on my mind."

"There's no need to apologize for that. Can I ask what's troubling you?"

He thought about the conversation he needed to have with Astrid, and how useless he was to Jack at the moment. Definitely couldn't talk to a professor about the first one. "I have a friend who's going through a rough time, and I want to help him, but he doesn't want to tell me what the problem is."

Professor Cooke hummed. "It's difficult when the people we care about keep us at arm's length," he said and spotted some sawdust on the sleeve of his black robes. He brushed it off with a frown like it had offended him and completely missed the sprinkle of blue paint on the other sleeve. "But in the end, all we can do is stay by their side until they're ready to take our hand. It has to be their decision. And we need to be careful not to lose ourselves in the process."

"What do you mean?"

"Wanting to help everyone is a noble but impossible pursuit. It's important you don't break yourself in your attempt to save everyone else," Professor Cooke said and turned the tweezers in his hands, the metal catching the light.

"I'm not the best at self-care," he said.

Professor Cooke gave him a sad smile. "One day you'll be unable to help someone, no matter how much you want to, Hiccup. When that time comes, all you can do is try to take care of yourself."

Hiccup frowned and thought of Jack. He still had hope that Jack would open up to him eventually if he gave him the space he needed. Even if it ended up taking a long time, there wasn't a doubt in his mind that he'd keep waiting.

Professor Cooke leaned over the workstation and looked at the clock. "You're doing a great job despite being distracted. Very organized and methodical."

"Thank you, Professor," Hiccup said. "Would be a lot easier if we could just use a simple Repairo spell."

Professor Cooke chuckled and sat back down, his coarse dark hair bouncing. "Yes, it certainly would. But some things are too temperamental for that."

Hiccup nodded and went back to disassembling the clock. Different bits and pieces were spread out on the workstation like a mechanical autopsy. He made sure to keep them sorted into groups to avoid losing anything.

"Are you working on any projects in your spare time at the moment?" Professor Cooke said and grabbed a fresh cloth for cleaning the inside of the clock. "The bow you made a while back was beautiful work."

Hiccup froze in the middle of loosening a screw. Shit. How did he know about that? "Uh… Thank you, Professor?"

"Oh, don't look at me like that. You're not in trouble for making a weapon."

He wrapped his hand tighter around the screwdriver. "I'm sorry. I know it's against the rules."

Professor Cooke waved his hand dismissively. "I've never been a stickler for the rules. I'm not Professor Keller. I follow the ones that make sense to me. You're a responsible person, so I have no worries about this."

Hiccup breathed slowly to calm himself. He was lucky to have such an understanding professor. "How did you know about it?"

"It's not unusual for me to check the project storage cupboards, so I can keep an eye on what my students are working on, whether it's an assigned project or not. Gives me a more rounded look at everyone's abilities and progress."

"So, you've probably seen everything I've ever made in this workshop?" he said and rotated the screwdriver in his hands under the workstation. He'd crafted weapons before because he wanted to maintain his skills when he was away from home. Had Professor Cooke seen all of them? He never used them but kept them in the chest under his bed along with his armor, so no one would accidentally find them.

"Most likely," Professor Cooke said and adjusted his glasses. "It's always interesting to see your work in particular, Hiccup. Whenever I hold something you've made, it's abundantly clear that there's not only an incredible amount of skill behind it but dedication and inventiveness as well."

Hiccup's first instinct was to dismiss the compliments, but he knew Professor Cooke wasn't going to accept that. "Thank you, Professor."

"You remind me of myself sometimes with the way you throw yourself into new projects, your willingness to experiment, and how you constantly strive to be better than you were yesterday," Professor Cooke said, a smile lifting his lips. "I don't care that you craft weapons once in a while. You're not going to use them for anything risky. The only thing I care about is that you keep developing your skills."

Hiccup smiled at him. "Not everyone would see it that way."

"Quite right. A few of my colleagues wouldn't hesitate to expel you. They forget a wand is just as much a weapon as a bow or an axe."

"And everyone walks around with a wand in this place," Hiccup said and thought about the group of second years he saw last week in the corridors, talking with excited voices about their first dueling session.

"Intention is everything," Professor Cooke said, folding his hands on the workstation. "Even a quill could be a weapon if that's what you wanted."

Hiccup nodded. He shouldn't have worried. "I'm glad you're not concerned about this."

"Of course not. I've been your teacher for a long time. Besides, you've told me about your background before. I assume that's where your interest in crafting weapons comes from?"

"Yeah, I've been making them for years. I used to be an apprentice in a forge. That's the sort of thing that's normal back where I'm from," he said and shrugged.

"Well, it's definitely given you an advantage in this class," Professor Cooke said. "From the start, you've been ahead of everyone else and I keep seeing progress in you."

Hiccup smiled. "Lucky for me you haven't seen some of the most serious mistakes I've made when I've built something."

"Oh, I've made plenty of mistakes myself. It's a natural part of the process and not just as a student. Once I accidentally trapped Professor Cherry in a cupboard in the greenhouses for hours because the magical lock I'd tinkered with decided to be rebellious. I don't think it made the experience more pleasant that the cupboard was full of skunk lilies," Professor Cooke said and grimaced.

Hiccup laughed at that. "I hope she wasn't too angry."

"Oh no, she was quite understanding about the whole thing. Unlike Professor Keller, when a new chair I'd built and enchanted cornered him in the Arithmancy classroom."

Most of his detention ended up being spent sharing stories about malfunctioning inventions and the injuries or embarrassing situations that followed. After a couple of hours, when he opened the door to leave the workshop and get some dinner, Professor Cooke's voice rang out.

"Oh, Hiccup?"

He turned to face his professor. "Yeah?"

"With all the troubles weighing on your mind lately, just remember: It'll pass."

In the Great Hall, the thousands of magical candles floating above the four House tables had been lit, their gleaming warmth a strong contrast to the cold light of the moon and stars in the enchanted ceiling. The wall of noise from students talking, glasses clinking and plates and trays scraping over the tables hit him as soon as he stepped inside, threatening to give him a headache.

He headed towards Rapunzel and Fishlegs, glancing at the Gryffindor table and waving at Jack, Merida, Mavis and Flynn, who all waved back at him. Jack even gave him a small smile, which was a relief. He spotted Astrid sitting further down the table and just seeing her made his stomach churn. They were going to have that talk soon.

He sat down next to Rapunzel and grabbed a pitcher of juice.

"How was detention?" Fishlegs said, stabbing a piece of meat with his fork, while Hiccup poured some juice into his cup.

"Easy," Hiccup said. "It didn't feel like detention at all. I was just mending some clocks and talking to Professor Cooke. Neither of those things is a punishment."

"That's lucky," Rapunzel said with a smile. "I don't think the rest of us will be that fortunate with our detentions."

"You never know," Hiccup said and shrugged. "So… did you get that assignment done then?" he asked and drank some juice, enjoying the tangy taste.

"Almost," she said. "We would have been done by now if it wasn't for Fish. He thought he was being attacked and knocked over several shelves of books, so we had to spend time picking everything up and putting it back in the right places," she said, her smile growing into a huge grin.

Despite his nervous mood, Hiccup laughed. That was a hilarious mental image. He wished he could have seen it.

"Seriously, Fiskr [Fish]?" he asked.

"Yeah…" Fishlegs said, his face scrunching like it caused him pain to remember it.

"Why didn't the librarian just put everything back magically?" he said.

"Let's just say she wasn't too happy about the situation at all. I think she just wanted to punish us," Rapunzel said and glanced at Fishlegs with an amused smile.

"What was the life-threatening monster that was attacking you then?" he said, knowing it would probably be something completely harmless as usual.

"Uhm," Fishlegs said, his eyes darting back and forth between Hiccup and Rapunzel. "It might have been… a first-year Hufflepuff."

Hiccup burst out laughing at that and Rapunzel chuckled at his reaction.

"Really? I can see why you felt the need to defend yourself. Those should never be underestimated," he said.

"You're hilarious," Fishlegs said and stuck his tongue out. "One day, my paranoia's going to pay off, and you're going to look like an idiot."

Rapunzel and Fishlegs became occupied by a conversation on whether the librarian would have a permanent grudge against them, while Hiccup retreated into his thoughts and his improved mood vanished. He knew what he was going to tell Astrid, and he wanted to do it as soon as possible. She deserved to get an answer. But there was a big risk to all of this. He drummed his fingers on the table. What if this ruined everything between them?

"Have you decided when you're going to talk to Astrid?" Fishlegs said.

Had he been that obvious or was it just Fishlegs being incredibly perceptive as usual? He looked around them to make sure no one was sitting close enough to overhear them.

"I was thinking about doing it after dinner. What do you think?" he said and glanced at his empty plate. There was no way he was going to be able to eat anything until this was over.

"I think that's a good idea. It's clearly affecting you a lot, and I can't imagine the wait is easy on Astrid either," Rapunzel said and folded her hands around her mug.

Hiccup nodded. "Yeah, you're right. I haven't been able to relax, since she told me, and I'm sure she's nervous too."

"Definitely," Fishlegs said and glanced behind him at the Gryffindor table. "She's been very quiet in class these past few days."

Hiccup couldn't help looking over there too. Astrid was listening to Katie and Megan talking, but the way she smiled at them looked more strained than genuine. That was probably his fault. He was such an idiot.

"Hiccup, don't look like someone kicked you. It's not your fault, okay? It was her choice to give you some thinking time. Don't blame yourself for that," Rapunzel said and squeezed his shoulder.

"It's hard not to," he said. "But thanks. Both of you."

"For what?" Fishlegs asked.

"For being there for me. Listening to me ramble about Astrid earlier. Helping me figure out what to do. If it weren't for you, I'd probably still be confused," he said and drank some more juice since he wasn't going to eat anything.

"You can ramble to us any time," Rapunzel said with a warm smile. Fishlegs nodded eagerly.

"You're the best," Hiccup said and smiled back. "I'm just nervous about this. What if it ends up destroying our friendship?"

"I don't think that'll happen," Fishlegs said and cut up some ham on his plate. "I mean, you can never know for sure with this kind of thing, but don't be so quick to expect the worst."

"Yeah, I'm pretty good at that," he said and drummed his fingers on the table again.

"The best," Rapunzel said.

Hiccup sighed. "Okay, I'm going to do it after dinner."

He couldn't stand any more of this horrible tension flowing through him. It was better to have that talk with Astrid than to remain a nervous wreck.

---

Sitting by the Gryffindor table, Jack tried to stop thinking about Hiccup and focus on being around his friends. Sometimes it worked for a brief moment, but eventually Hiccup popped back into his mind.

He pushed his food around on his plate without eating much. That had become a habit lately. Drinking some juice, he listened to Merida, Mavis and Flynn talk about the latest letter from Merida's parents, where they'd told her about some of the pranks her little brothers had pulled lately. Usually, he'd be interested in that, but he wasn't good company these days and even though he missed participating in their conversations and making them laugh, he didn't have it in him.

He resisted the urge to glance at the Ravenclaw table and stared at his plate instead. Never before had steamed vegetables, potatoes and beef looked so disgusting to him.

Luckily, there hadn't been time for him and Hiccup to be around each other after class today, since Hiccup had detention. Jack had felt like an asshole for making his friends get detention because he'd run off, but they'd all assured him it wasn't a problem and that soothed his guilt.

He took his eyes off his plate and found Mavis' concerned gaze. She looked at the uneaten food in front of him, so he took a few bites to lessen her worries, even though his nausea roiled in protest.

He spotted Hiccup getting up from the Ravenclaw table and coming towards them, which was unusual. He wasn't sure what to expect, so he clenched his trembling hands under the table and tried to breathe steadily to loosen the tightness in his chest. What was he doing? Why was he coming over here?

Hiccup gave him and the others a wave and a quick smile, but walked right past them. Jack watched his every move. Where was he going?

Hiccup stopped by Astrid and poked her on the shoulder, interrupting her conversation with Katie and Megan. She looked up at him and smiled. Leaning forward, Hiccup told her something Jack couldn't hear. Astrid nodded and got to her feet. She waved goodbye to her friends before she and Hiccup left the Great Hall together.

Jack stared at the open doors, where Hiccup had just been.

Fuck.

Hiccup and Astrid never spent time together in the evening, so there could only be one reason for this break in routine. Hiccup was going to tell Astrid he wanted them to be together. He'd have to see them together all the time, holding hands, hugging, kissing, and he was expected to be happy about it because Hiccup was his friend.

Tears blurred his vision, their warm presence reminding him how weak he was. He tried to will them away, but he couldn't. The world was nothing but watery colours and shapes. A sob lurked in his throat, so he swallowed to suffocate it. Tears kept pooling in his eyes, despite him blinking and blinking to get rid of them.

He looked down at his plate to hide it. His breaths came out shaky. Fuck. He had to leave before he broke down. Before someone saw him like this.

"Jack?" Mavis whispered from across the table, but of course she couldn't avoid drawing the attention of Merida and Flynn, who stopped talking. Now it was too late to hide. Their eyes prickled on his skin and it was all too much.

He got to his feet without looking at anyone and headed towards the door with quick steps. Getting away was his only option. He had to be alone, so he could fall apart.

He could hear his friends hurry after him, so he picked up the pace and left the Hall. The tears slipped out of his eyes and glided down his cheeks. He wiped them away. Turning down one of the corridors, he walked as fast as he possibly could without running. He couldn't see properly from all the tears, but he could find his way back to the dormitory even if he was blindfolded.

"Jack!" Flynn yelled from somewhere behind him.

He didn't stop. Kept his head down, so anyone who might pass him wouldn't see how upset he was.

He heard footsteps running towards him and he let out a sigh. He couldn't escape his friends. They weren't giving up. He waited for them to catch up. More tears slid down his cheeks and he didn't bother wiping them away anymore. He sniffled, nose full of snot. Gross and pathetic.

Flynn, Merida and Mavis stopped in front of him. He looked at the floor, but he could feel their eyes on him, stabbing holes in his defenses. Why couldn't he just be alone, so he could cry and scream without anyone seeing how weak he was?

"Jack?" Flynn said in that gentle tone he only used in serious situations.

When he lifted his head and let them see his tears, Flynn's and Merida's eyes widened.

"What's going on?" Merida said.

Mavis was quiet and watched him with sad eyes.

Jack sighed. The time for keeping his secret between him and Mavis was over and even though he'd wanted to tell Flynn and Merida from the start, the thought of actually doing it pushed the nausea straight into his throat again.

"Come on," Mavis said to him and linked their arms together. She pulled him with her down the corridor with a gentle touch and he went along without any resistance. Tears kept flowing down his cheeks. His sniffling was loud in the quiet corridor.

Flynn and Merida's eyes were still on him and he wanted to shrink himself and disappear. How stupid was that? He needed to pull himself together. They were his friends and they needed to know what was going on with him. They deserved to know.

Mavis led him towards Gryffindor Tower, Merida and Flynn trailing behind them. There was only silence between them and it was unnatural, but their minds were probably racing as much as his own.

When they finally reached his and Flynn's room, Jack slumped down on his four-poster bed and leaned against the dark wooden headboard just like he'd done a few days ago, when Mavis brought him back here from the lake. She sat down on the other end of his bed and pulled her legs up on the red bedspread.

The tear trails were chilly on his cheeks. At least he'd stopped crying now. He focused on his hands resting in his lap, knuckles dry and cracked.

He mentally prepared himself for what was to come. It'd been difficult telling Mavis about his feelings that day. He didn't want to be alone with his troubles, but he hadn't been sure he wanted someone else to know. But Mavis' support had been his strength in the last couple of days while trying to keep it together in front of Hiccup and struggling with Flynn and Merida's worried glances. When he looked back, he wasn't sure he could have done it without her.

He sniffled, nose still snotty. It sounded disgusting. He started picking at his nails. They were shorter than they'd been in ages because he couldn't leave them alone these days.

"Jack?" Mavis' soft voice pulled him out of his thoughts. When he found that familiar support in her eyes, he took a deep breath and left his nails alone.

Flynn and Merida sat cross-legged on Flynn's bed, watching him with concerned eyes. They stayed quiet, probably to give him some space. Now they were going to know his secret too. He trusted them with anything, but the prospect of telling them about his feelings made his throat tighten.

His fingers glided over his dry knuckles over and over. "I know I've been acting weird the last couple of days." He looked at them and they both gave him sympathetic smiles.

He swallowed through his dry throat. Why was this so hard? "Something happened that made me realize I have feelings for someone. And I didn't know how to handle it. I still don't," he said and focused on his hands again because it was a lot easier than meeting their eyes. The tears threatened to come back, so he closed his eyes for a moment.

"We had no idea," Flynn said, sounding regretful. He was probably feeling guilty. That's how Jack would feel if the situation was reversed, and he and Flynn were similar in that way, beating themselves up if they weren't there to help one of their friends.

"I'm so sorry," Merida said, her voice much quieter than usual.

Jack gave them a small smile that probably looked horribly sad and went back to picking at his poor, abused nails. How would they react, when they found out exactly who he had feelings for?

Flynn sighed. "I wish we could have been there for you."

"I didn't let you," he said and hoped it would ease their guilt. "I wasn't ready to share it again. Please don't think it's because I don't trust you. I'd trust you with anything, and I wanted to tell you, but I needed some time to deal with it first."

"You have nothing to feel bad about. We know you trust us," Flynn said with a tiny smile and Merida nodded eagerly, her curls bouncing up and down.

Jack sniffled and gave them a weak smile. "Thanks. You're amazing."

He was lucky to have such great friends. There was a tug of affection in his chest. They'd been there for each other so many times, watched out for each other, shared their secrets and fears. His friends would always be there for him.

"Can you…" Merida said and twirled one of her curls around a finger, as she had a habit of doing when she was either nervous or bored. "Can you tell us who it is? It's fine if you're not ready. It'd just be a lot easier, if we knew everything."

"No, it's okay, Mer. You should know," he said and resigned himself to the fact that he had to tell more people about the troubles that plagued him constantly.

Merida and Flynn stayed silent but encouraged him to carry on with their attentive eyes.

He took a deep breath. "I have feelings for Hiccup," he said and focused on a single spot on his red bedspread, waiting for their reactions. It was easier to avoid seeing the way their expressions would change.

The silence was suffocating and the longer it stretched on, the more violently the nausea sloshed around inside him.

"Hiccup? You have feelings for Hiccup?" Merida said and even though her question was full of confusion, he could breathe easier now the silence had been broken. The nausea calmed into quiet ripples instead of an angry ocean.

"Yeah…" he said and kept his eyes on that specific spot on the bedspread. He grabbed a handful of the fabric, concentrating on the velvety feel against his fingertips.

"That wasn't what I was expecting you to say," Flynn said. There was no judgment in his voice. Jack couldn't blame him for being confused. It was even confusing to himself. Not only did he have feelings for their friend, but this friend was a guy, and he'd never been interested in a guy before. But Hiccup was clearly different.

"I know," Jack said and forced himself to meet their eyes. He only found support in the way they smiled at him.

"What happened in the corridor a few days ago? Why did you react that way?" Merida said.

Even though he'd expected the question, he'd kept a small naïve hope that it wouldn't be brought up. He despised the fact that he was jealous of Astrid. That he'd been thrown into an anxiety attack by watching her kiss Hiccup. It was pathetic. But he owed his friends an explanation, having practically scared them to death by running off.

He sighed. "I saw Astrid kiss him," he said and went back to picking at his poor nails.

"Astrid and Hiccup are together?" Flynn said in disbelief.

"We don't know anything yet. Apparently, Astrid wants to be with him, but Hiccup isn't sure," Mavis said, saving Jack from having to explain that part.

"So…" Flynn said, sounding like he was piecing together a puzzle. "You saw Astrid kiss him, and you thought they were together, so you ran away?"

Jack shook his head. "When I saw her kiss him… that's when I realized how I felt about him. That I'd pushed it down to avoid dealing with it. It all came rushing out, and it was too much," he said and ripped a small white strip of nail off his thumb.

"I'm sorry, Jackie," Flynn said. "But just know we're all here for you. No matter what happens with Hiccup, we'll be here, okay?"

"Yeah, you're never alone," Merida said.

He dared to look at them. They sat exactly the same way on Flynn's bed but in this moment, they couldn't be more different. The concern on Flynn's face had faded and he was back to his usual confidence. Jack suspected he'd gone into protective big brother mode. Merida's loud, tough demeanor that made it seem like she could take on the whole world had calmed into gentle eyes and quiet words. It was a side of her only the three of them got to see.

A small smile slipped onto his lips. His friends were incredible.

"What happened in the Great Hall?" Merida said.

Jack sighed. "Hiccup and Astrid left together. I'm pretty sure he's going to tell her that he wants them to be a couple now," he said and couldn't stop the tears from rushing back, turning the room into melted colours.

"We don't know that," Mavis said, continuing her hopeless mission to reassure him there was still a chance.

Jack shrugged. He was certain. Why would Hiccup say no? He cared a lot about Astrid, he'd had a crush on her for years when they were younger, not to mention that Astrid had a lot to offer. She was smart, beautiful, confident and she and Hiccup even shared the same culture.

"Are you planning on telling him about this?" Merida said.

"No!" he said. "I don't want to lose him."

"You wouldn't lose him," Mavis said with such conviction that he was almost tempted to believe her.

"Yes, I would," he said. It would ruin everything if he told Hiccup about this, and he couldn't stand the thought of their friendship dying. That would hurt beyond what words could express.

"Hiccup's an understanding guy and he cares about you. He wouldn't just turn his back on you," Merida said.

Flynn nodded next to her on the bed.

"No, he wouldn't, but it would make everything weird between us. He'd reject me and we wouldn't be able to be around each other anymore because it would be too awkward," Jack said, feeling a tug of dread in his chest at that thought. He could not let that happen.

"Are you sure he'd reject you?" Flynn said, his eyebrows drawn together, forming a wrinkle between them.

"What are you talking about? Of course, he would. Hiccup's not into guys," Jack said, the warm tears creeping into his eyes again. He blinked them away.

"Neither were you before all of this?" Flynn said, shoulders lifting in a shrug.

"I know. It's so confusing," he said and slid his hands down his face.

"Well, there's plenty of time to figure it out," Mavis said.

"Yeah, and we still love you all the same." Merida smiled at him with fondness.

Jack was touched by her words. He knew his friends would never leave him because of his sexuality, but it was still comforting to hear the words being spoken.

"But seriously… Are you sure Hiccup couldn't possibly feel the same way?" Flynn asked. "We don't know everything about him. He could be bisexual or something else?"

"He's told me about his crush on Astrid when they were younger and that he kissed some girl from another tribe and that he and Rapunzel kissed once. Everything he's told me has been about girls," he said, taking a fistful of the bedspread and squeezing it hard.

"Hiccup and Rapunzel kissed!?" Merida said.

Jack smiled at their gawking eyes and slack jaws and it felt good to be amused by something. He hadn't meant to tell them. It had just slipped out.

"He told me they were drunk at one of the few Ravenclaw parties they'd actually gone to, and they'd talked about first kisses. Rapunzel said she'd never been kissed and she was dreading how awkward and awful it would be because she'd be so nervous. Somehow, they ended up agreeing that Hiccup should kiss her, so her first kiss would be with someone she trusted and was comfortable with," he said and tightened his grip on the bedspread, fingers strained, knuckles white.

Rapunzel had come to mean a lot to him, but he couldn't help that annoying pang of jealousy that stuck needles into his heart. Hiccup had kissed her. She'd experienced something so intimate with him. Hiccup had shared a piece of himself with her that he'd never share with him.

"That's actually really sweet," Mavis said, her eyes softening in the same way they did when she looked at pictures of bats.

"Yeah, it is," Flynn said. "But that still doesn't mean he couldn't feel the same way about you."

"Come on, Flynn. Don't do that," he said, almost pleading. He loosened his grip on the bedspread. It was better not to feed that tiny flame of hope that was dying inside him.

"It's just that-" Flynn said.

"No," Jack said. "I don't want any of you to get my hopes up, just so I can have them crushed, okay?" He wasn't going to be naïve about this. This was real life, not some fairy tale where everything worked out in the end. There was a major risk he could have his heart broken and lose Hiccup.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said it," Flynn said, voice quiet and head lowering. It was rare to see him like that.

Jack nodded. He pulled his knees up and wrapped his arms around them.

"What can we do to help?" Merida asked and Jack appreciated her eagerness to soothe his troubles.

"Mavis has been helping me with being around Hiccup. I feel awkward and nervous around him now, but I need to push that away. I don't want to lose him, so the only thing I can really do is try my best to carry on as usual," he said and rested his chin on his knees.

Merida and Flynn both nodded.

"So, you need us to have your back and help you with Hiccup, if anything tense or awkward happens," Flynn asked.

"Yeah, you could put it that way," Jack said and let out a deep sigh. "I'm completely screwed."

"Come on, Jackie," Flynn said with a smile. "We'll help you any way we can."

"Yeah, we'll always have your back, Snowflake," Merida said.

Jack tightened his grip around his knees and smiled at them. With the help of his loving friends, he might survive these terrifying new feelings that were changing his entire world.

---

The corridors were illuminated in the soft warm glow of the lamps hanging on the old stone walls. He and Astrid were making their way down one of the passageways, only the sound of their footsteps interrupting the silence. They were looking for a place to talk in private. They couldn't go to the common rooms and since the majority of students were still at dinner, the corridors were deserted.

Hiccup looked at the dark night sky through one of the arch windows they passed. The full moon shone its pale light through the glass and he found it oddly calming, a massive contrast to the emotions raging inside him.

He fidgeted with his hands and tried to take slow, deep breaths without Astrid noticing. He didn't do well with emotional talks. Astrid kept her eyes lowered to the floor and her hands clenched by her sides.

They'd walked for about five minutes, turning down random corridors, when they came to a rarely used one, where there was little risk of being interrupted.

Astrid turned to face him, watching him with those familiar eyes that seemed like they could burn right through his skin.

He tugged on one of his braids. This was unfamiliar. He'd never had to do anything like this before and he hoped his decision wouldn't end up breaking their friendship. That thought was unbearable.

"Hiccup?" Astrid said. Her voice sounded off. Too quiet and careful for her.

"Yeah, sorry. I was just thinking."

"No kidding," she said, one side of her mouth lifting in a small smile.

He smiled back at her, enjoying that brief moment between them before everything turned unpredictable.

"You wanted to talk?" Astrid said. Her eyes gleamed in the warm light from the lamps, and the nervousness was so clear in them that they were painful to look at.

He cleared his throat. "Uhm, yeah," he said and wrung his hands. "But I'm not…"

Astrid had a look of understanding on her face. "Just be honest with me. Tell me how you really feel," she said. Her eyes darted back and forth between him and the floor.

He sighed and tried to gather his thoughts. Astrid didn't push him and he was grateful for that.

"I thought about everything you said." The words felt strange in his dry mouth like it wasn't him saying them.

She nodded, encouraging him to go on. Her teeth dug into her bottom lip and she looked like she was bracing herself for whatever was about to happen.

He folded his fingers into a fist hanging by his side. "I can't be with you, Astrid. I've been really confused these last few days, but I know now that I see you as my friend and it would be wrong for me to be with you when I feel that way."

Astrid's eyebrows knitted like she was in pain. She lowered her head to stare at the floor. He had the urge to pull her into a hug, but he held himself back. She probably wouldn't want that right now. He was such an asshole. This was his fault.

"I'm sorry," he said, forcing the words out of his tight throat.

"I know," she said so quietly he almost didn't hear her. It was such a huge contrast to her normal voice that it almost seemed like a stranger talking.

The silence was oppressive. He didn't know what he could do to comfort her and if she even wanted comfort from him of all people. Gods, this was one of the most terrible things he'd ever had to do.

"Astrid," he said and tugged on one of his braids.

She lifted her head and there were unshed tears shining in her eyes. He couldn't breathe properly. It was like his ribcage had sunk deeper into his flesh, crushing his lungs. He hated that he was the cause of this.

Like the true Viking she was, Astrid blinked away the tears and regained her composure. But Hiccup knew her well enough to see the signs of the hurt she was feeling. She may have blinked away the tears, but her eyes were dull. Her posture wasn't strong and confident like it usually was, and her hand was folded around her long blonde braid in a tight grip.

"Tell me what I can do," he said, almost pleading with her.

"Hiccup," Astrid said, eyes fixed on the floor. "I'm going to need some time."

"Of course." She could ask almost anything of him right now and he'd do it. All he wanted was to soothe her pain. Chase away the hurt he had put there.

"… where we don't really see each other." She wiped her eyes with one of her sleeves.

Hiccup sighed. This was all messed up. He might actually lose Astrid. Gods, he felt sick. But he had to push his own needs aside and do what was best for her.

"If you think that'll help, then that's what we'll do, no matter how much I don't like it," he said.

"I don't like it either, but that's how it has to be right now," Astrid said and now she looked at him without even trying to hide the pain and the tears. He wanted to slam his fists against the stone wall over and over until his knuckles bled.

"I'm so sorry," he said again. Apologies wouldn't change anything, but he needed her to know. If he could shield her from the pain, he would, but once again, like so many times before, he was fucking useless.

"Don't be. You were just being honest. You can't change how you feel," she said and sniffled.

"I hate that I'm the reason for this. I'm going to miss you," he said and looked at the floor, a few tears stinging in the corners of his eyes.

Astrid closed the gap between them and wrapped her arms around his waist. It took him a few seconds to get over the shock, before he hugged her back. She rested her head on his shoulder.

"I'll miss you too," she whispered and the level of emotion in her voice sucked the air right out of his lungs. He'd never heard her sound that way before.

Gods, what if this was a permanent goodbye? What if Astrid decided a break wasn't enough and they couldn't be friends anymore? He squeezed her, wanting her closer.

How long they stood like that in the dimly lit corridor, he had no idea. All he cared about was the way their arms were wrapped around each other. Warm. Safe. He began stroking her hair and found himself thinking this was the last time in Odin knows how long that he was going to be around Astrid.

Astrid pulled away and he reluctantly let her go. The silence stretched on between them, before Astrid nodded to herself like she'd made a decision.

"I'll see you, Hiccup." She gave him a sad smile and walked away.

"See you, Astrid," he said and watched her disappear further and further down the corridor, her blonde braid swaying from side to side. He wanted her to come back because once she was out of sight, this whole 'not spending time together' thing would become real, and he had no idea when it would end. That would be completely in Astrid's hands.

He sighed to himself. The nausea simmered in his stomach, threatening to shoot into his throat.

When he could no longer see Astrid, he began walking along the corridor. He wasn't sure where he was going. The thoughts whirled in his head, torturing him with "what if" scenarios.

With each step he took, the hopelessness built up inside him. He wanted to scream until his throat cracked and bled. Like he'd thought about earlier, he turned towards one of the stone walls and slammed his fist into it over and over. The sharp stabs of pain surged through his hand, but he pushed it down. It was liberating to let his frustrations out. Only when he felt the familiar warm trickle of blood did he stop and continue his walk towards Odin knows where.

---

The red couch dug into Jack's back and no matter how much he shifted, he couldn't get comfortable. In the huge fireplace, the flames crackled and popped, spilling their warm light into the common room and sinking their annoying heat into his cheeks. The noise of his friends and other Gryffindors talking and laughing was like an itch that burrowed deeper and deeper into his skin.

Mavis was next to him, leaning back on the cushions like they were feathery soft. Flynn, Merida and Jim had decided to settle down in the squishy red armchairs.

He tried over and over to stop thinking about Hiccup. It was impossible. Throwing himself into his friends' conversation would be good for keeping his mind occupied, but he couldn't bring himself to do it, so he listened instead and tried to keep the burning tears from falling.

"I'm just saying it's obviously the Stratus, Merida," Jim said and glanced at Jack before he turned his attention back to Merida. He'd definitely noticed something was off. How could he not? Jack barely spoke these days.

"It so isn't!" Merida said and slammed her hand down on the armrest. "Anyone with half a brain can see it's the Cirrus."

Usually, Jack would be eager to talk about Quidditch broom models, but the hopelessness that had sunk into him ever since Hiccup left with Astrid was impossible to shake off. There was no light anymore.

"Come on, Flynn. Back me up on this!" Merida said and motioned to Jim.

"I actually think you're both wrong, Red. It's obviously the Cumulus," Flynn said and leaned back in his armchair with a satisfied smile on his lips.

"What!?" Jim and Merida said in unison, their eyes wide.

Mavis chuckled and normally, he'd do the same, but he couldn't even bring himself to smile.

There was a gentle touch on his arm. He met Mavis' gaze and let her see the unshed tears in his eyes. She rubbed soothing up-and-down motions on his back and he appreciated the support.

"I already knew you were bonkers, but this just confirms it," Merida said to Flynn.

Jim laughed. "Yeah, I agree. Merida was at least much closer to the right answer with the Cirrus."

Jack took a deep breath, but it came out weak and trembling. He tried to focus on the good things like being with his amazing friends and sitting in the common room – a safe place full of wonderful memories.

But Hiccup was with Astrid, a voice in his head reminded him. The nausea, his constant companion for the last few days, wrapped around his throat, tighter and tighter, threatening to make him sick.

He scratched his dry knuckles over and over. Who was he kidding? He couldn't stop thinking about that. It was consuming him. Images of Hiccup and Astrid kept popping into his mind, and he couldn't make them disappear, no matter how hard he tried. In his thoughts he kept seeing Hiccup kiss her, hold her, run his fingers through her hair.

He had tuned out his friends' conversation. Nothing but those horrible images existed. The tears flooded his eyes, warm and pitiful. His breaths were shaky, sounding loud in his head. The ache in his chest felt like it could rot him from the inside out.

He had to get out of here. It was suffocating being around people. He pushed himself off the couch without saying anything and headed towards the portrait as fast as he could. When he was almost there, a voice made him stop.

"Jack," Flynn said from behind him.

As soon as he looked into Flynn's eyes, he couldn't stop the tears from spilling out, sliding down his cheeks in miserable trails. He didn't bother wiping them away.

"Where are you going?" Flynn asked.

"I just need to get away for a while," he said, his voice trembling. He wrapped his arms around himself.

Flynn gave him a sad smile. "Do you want some company?"

"Not right now, but thanks," he said and sniffled. He couldn't stand bringing his friends down anymore tonight.

Flynn nodded. "If you need anything, come back and find me, okay?"

"Yeah, I promise," Jack said.

He left the common room and wandered through the old, dimly lit corridors. There were almost no people around, only the occasional lone student heading back to their common room. He kept his head down and hurried past them, so they wouldn't see him crying.

It was exhausting, having to pretend things were somewhat normal around everyone but Flynn, Merida and Mavis. Fighting off the tears, struggling with eye contact, trying to keep his voice steady like he wasn't about to shatter from all the confusing, heartbreaking emotions swirling inside him.

He had no idea where to go, so he let his feet take him wherever they wanted, while his mind once again landed on Hiccup. Where was he? What was he doing with Astrid?

He found himself by the entrance to the Astronomy tower and he couldn't say he was surprised that he'd subconsciously chosen to come here. He'd spent time up there before when he was in a bad mood because it was always deserted in the evenings and the quietness and incredible view were calming for his mind.

He climbed the stairs with slow steps and thought about the first time he'd ever gone up there to be by himself. It had been in his third year when he'd had a week full of nightmares leading up to the anniversary of his parents' deaths. Sitting high up in the half-open tower, watching the night sky in silence had dimmed the worst of his feelings back then.

When he reached the top, he slumped down on the floor close to one of the big openings that revealed the amazing view of the dark night sky, illuminated by endless stars. He could see parts of the massive grounds and the impressive mountains surrounding the castle, the moon bathing them in silvery light.

He stared at the moon with its peaceful glow and his mind brought forth a memory without his permission. It was a memory full of fondness but in this moment, it had grown sharp nails that jabbed straight into the softest parts of him. It had been a night just like this, when he'd gone to find Hiccup by the lake and Hiccup had let him in on the real root of his massive self-esteem issues and Jack had told him about how his parents died. When Hiccup had held him tightly to comfort him, it felt safe and right.

A sob ripped through his throat and the tears poured out of his eyes and dripped onto the floor. He pulled his knees up, folded his arms on them and rested his face there, wetting the fabric of his sleeves.

He let go. Sobbing, sniffling, whimpering. It all came out in a flood of purifying relief. Finally, he could be openly miserable instead of forcing it down. He cried into his sleeves until they had huge wet patches and he could barely breathe from all the snot in his nose. His face burned from being pressed into his arms.

After a while, the sobs faded and the tears slowed down. He wiped his face with a disgusting wet sleeve and leaned back against the stone wall.

He didn't know how long he just sat there. It was freeing, watching the bright stars and feeling the warm tears trickle down his cheeks. The nausea gnawed at him and he wondered when it was going to leave him alone because he was getting fucking tired of feeling sick to his stomach all the time.

"Jack?" he heard a horrifyingly familiar voice say.

His eyes widened. Oh no. No, no, no. Anyone but him.

Hiccup was standing by the stairs, one hand curled tightly around the railing, watching him with a creased forehead.

What was he even doing here? Wasn't he supposed to be with Astrid?

Jack looked at the floor, while Hiccup came closer, stopping right in front of him. Fuck, how he wished Hiccup hadn't found him. He already felt like his mind had cracks running through it, only held together with old pieces of tape, where even the weakest jab could break him apart entirely. Having the source of his misery so close was the last thing he needed.

Hiccup sighed and slumped down next to him, leaning against the wall.

They sat like that in silence for a moment. Jack kept his eyes on the floor. The tears were turning cold on his cheeks. What was he supposed to do now? He didn't want to look into Hiccup's eyes, but it was awkward to avoid it.

"I ran into Flynn in one of the corridors. He told me where you'd probably be, but that you might not want company right now. I just wanted to check on you, but if you want to be alone, I can leave," Hiccup said, his voice so soft and careful like he was worried he might damage him with words alone.

He could feel Hiccup watching him, but he couldn't meet his eyes yet. It was too much.

"It's okay," he said and sniffled, the sound horribly loud in the quiet tower. He wished Hiccup hadn't found him, but he'd never be able to turn him away.

"I know you're struggling, even though you're trying your best to hide it," Hiccup said.

Of course, Hiccup knew. No matter how hard Jack tried to seem normal, it was impossible to hide the crushing emotions that plagued him every day. He put his hands inside the big pocket of his hoodie and grabbed onto the soft fabric, rolling it between his fingers.

"But I told you I wouldn't ask about it and I won't. You need your space, and I know all about wanting to keep something to yourself, so you don't have to worry. I'll never try to force it out of you," Hiccup said, pulling his knees up and resting his arms on them.

Jack exhaled, slow and careful. He hadn't expected Hiccup to push him on this, but it was comforting to hear him say it.

"I wish I could help you," Hiccup said and it was touching how affected he sounded.

"Me too," he said and wiped away the wet trails on his cheeks with a palm.

"Tell me if you want to talk about it or if I can do anything," Hiccup said and Jack appreciated that he was so worried about him. He was an amazing friend.

What he needed was for Hiccup to return his feelings, but since that would never happen, he'd have to be content to have his friendship.

"Thanks," he said. He met Hiccup's eyes for the briefest of moments and gave him a tiny smile.

The silence seeped into the air. Jack looked at the night sky and the stars, taking comfort in their soft light.

Hiccup didn't watch him anymore, so Jack dared to look at him. He seemed lost in his own thoughts, dull eyes staring straight ahead. Jack frowned. What was going on with him? Shouldn't he be happy?

"Are you okay, Hic?" he asked.

"Not really," Hiccup said and kept staring at a particular spot.

"What's wrong?"

"Astrid told me a few days ago that she has feelings for me and wants to be with me," Hiccup said, his eyebrows drawing closer together, creating a wrinkle.

"Oh?" he said, doing his best to sound surprised. "What are you going to do?" He'd been sure Astrid and Hiccup would be together by now, but something was clearly wrong.

"I think I've ruined our friendship," Hiccup said and raised his head to look at the sky.

"What? How?" Jack blurted out. What was he talking about?

A moment of silence passed, and the suspense was killing him. He wished Hiccup would start talking soon, so he could get some answers, but he kept quiet, not wanting to rush him. He picked at his damaged cuticles.

"I wasn't sure how I felt at first, but then I realized that I don't see her that way anymore. I love Astrid but only as a friend, so I turned her down and now I don't know if we can even be friends anymore."

Hiccup's words flowed into him like a clear, pure stream of melted snow, washing away the nausea and the dark thoughts. He'd turned Astrid down? He didn't want to be with her? The giddiness that surged through his veins was overwhelming and he bit his lip to stop the huge smile threatening to take over his face. With the exception of telling him he returned his feelings, Hiccup couldn't have said anything that would have made him happier.

He glanced at him, sitting there, slumped forwards with his arms on his knees and nothing but emptiness in his eyes.

"I'm sorry. I know how close you and Astrid are," he said and wished this was the kind of problem, where he could swoop in with a solution and protect Hiccup from the pain.

Hiccup sighed and rubbed his face. "I just don't want to lose her."

Jack gave him a sad smile. He could relate.

Hiccup fidgeted with his hands and the movement drew Jack's attention. His eyes widened, as he took in the dried blood. It looked almost black in the dimness of the tower. What the fuck?

"What have you been doing?"

"Nothing," Hiccup said with one of those familiar dismissive waves.

"Don't "nothing" me. What have you been doing?" he said. Hiccup had blood on his hand. Of course, he wouldn't be satisfied with that vague answer.

"I had to get my frustration out somehow," Hiccup said and let his fingers trail over the dried blood on his knuckles.

"Did you get in a fight or something?" Jack asked in disbelief. That didn't sound like Hiccup at all.

"Only with a wall."

Yeah, that made a lot more sense. A part of him wanted to scold him for doing something stupid, but he chose not to. That wasn't what Hiccup needed right now.

"You won't lose Astrid," he said.

"How can you be sure?" Hiccup said and lifted his head. Jack forced himself to maintain eye contact because he wanted to comfort him. Hiccup's gaze prickled on his face like it could sink into him, needle-sharp and all-knowing, finding every secret he'd tucked away.

One side of his mouth curved into a little smile. "I've seen you two together. Your friendship is too strong to be broken by something like this."

"I hope you're right," Hiccup said and tore his eyes away, staring up at the moon.

Jack gave himself permission to drink him in. His gorgeous brown hair, so full and soft-looking, begging Jack's fingers to glide through it. The cute roundness of his nose. His freckled skin bathed in the soft moonlight. Green eyes that glistened in the dimness of the tower.

He was breathtaking.

A deep ache settled in Jack's chest. Tears slipped out of his eyes, slow and quiet.

"I'm really going to miss her," Hiccup said and the look of defeat on his face was heartbreaking.

"What do you mean?"

"She told me she needs some time away from me, so we're not going to see each other for a while. I don't know for how long."

"Oh. I'm so sorry," he said. That wasn't going to be easy on Hiccup.

Silence passed between them. Hiccup stared at a wall in what looked like somber contemplation. It was horrible to see him like this. Jack wanted to hold him, but he wasn't sure his heart could handle it.

When Hiccup turned to him and leaned closer, Jack stopped breathing for a moment. Hiccup brushed his thumbs over Jack's cheeks, wiping away his remaining tears with a tiny smile on his face. Jack stiffened but forced himself to stop.

Hiccup's warm fingertips softly gliding over his face was incredible and maddening at the same time. His skin tingled. His hands trembled inside the pocket of his hoodie. Hiccup looked at him with those green eyes filled with moonlight and concern, and Jack's throat tightened from how special he felt in this moment. Touching didn't come easy to Hiccup and yet, here he was, trying his best to comfort him with his gentle hands.

Jack curled his fingers into shaky fists, digging his nails into his palms. Hiccup smoothed his thumbs over the skin close to Jack's mouth and oh god, how he wanted him to swipe his fingers over his lips. The thought alone left a fluttering sensation deep inside him. What would it feel like, if he leaned in the rest of the way and did the one little thing he desperately longed for?

He bit his lip hard and dropped his gaze to Hiccup's shoulder. That 'little' thing had the potential to crumble their entire friendship to dust. He couldn't allow himself to think about it.

When Hiccup let his arms drop, Jack instantly missed the closeness. Hiccup's touches lingered on his cheeks and he longed to feel that brush of skin again.

Hiccup leaned back against the wall. "It's hard to see you cry."

"Sometimes crying is necessary."

"Yeah, it is. I just wish I could help you."

Jack nodded. He'd feel the same way if he ever saw Hiccup cry. Just seeing him sad right now was difficult. He wished he could tell him that he'd already lifted him out of the raging storm by turning Astrid down.

Hiccup reached out and pulled him closer in one quick movement. His arm curled around Jack's shoulder and their sides pressed against each other. He leaned his head on Hiccup's shoulder and closed his eyes, letting the warmth and the closeness wash over him. The familiar scent of pine that always clung to Hiccup reached his nostrils and calmed him. It would be easy to fall asleep here in Hiccup's safe embrace, giving in to the exhaustion from several days of emotional turmoil.

A smile slipped onto his lips. The world was brighter now. He still had a one-sided crush on his friend but at least Hiccup wasn't going to be snatched away yet. He didn't have to see him with someone else, pretending to be happy for him while he was falling apart inside.

In this intimate moment, sitting closely together in the deserted Astronomy tower in the pale light of the moon, there was no Astrid and no fangirls. He had Hiccup's affection all to himself.

Author's note:

Translations:

Fiskr: Means Fish in Old Norse.

Snærflekkr: Hiccup's nickname for Jack. Means snowflake in Old Norse.