Chapter 1: Emma

17th of July, 2004

'Mick, are you sure this is a good idea?'' Jenny asked, talking across from me as usual. It didn't bother me much. We were sitting outside in the garden, the sun shone brightly and made me kick my sandals off so I could rest my bare feet in the grass and tickle my toes. I loved the grass, because grass meant that I was outside and not locked between four walls.

''Jenny- I know that you're worried, but Dr. Gregor said we should let her deal with it head on otherwise she'll never recover,'' Mick said as he was trying to convince Jenny about his best intentions.

It had been six months since Jenny and her husband Mick had taken me in and almost a year since I was rescued by the police from the basement that I had been kept in. For the first couple of months, the hospital had been my home. I was treated for infections, broken ribs, a broken arm, starvation and many other injuries. I wasn't allowed to go outside because my eyes were too sensitive. I had completely lost my sense of light.

I had recovered from most of my injuries even though I still had plenty of scars that I always tried to hide under my clothes. Through these scars, he would always be a part of me.

But I hurt the most on the inside. When I closed my eyes, I would see things, things that had happened, things that he had done to me. I couldn't remember everything; it came back to me in nightmares and illusions. I had tried to stuff those memories in a box, throw them away, get rid of them. But Dr. Gregor, my psychiatrist, told me that I had to try and remember those memories instead of trying to push them away. I had to write them down in a journal for him.

It wasn't long before they told me that I had PTSD, Posttraumatic Stress Disorder. I was told that it takes time to process the memories and that, as time would pass, they would fade. I turned twenty last year. I wondered how long it would take for me to go back to normal. A year? Ten years? Maybe I would never go back to normal. My father had taken that away from me.

Mick and Jenny were still arguing on whether they should take me to my first police interview. The police hadn't been able to speak to me since the moment I entered the hospital. I hadn't been close to anyone, especially not men. I was comfortable enough to speak with Mick now, I even hugged Jenny last week.

Mick and Jenny were my foster parents, they were the people who were supposed to take care of me now, the people who were supposed to fix me. But I couldn't be fixed, could I?

''We're going,'' I heard Mick say. I felt a knot tie in my stomach. Outside, we were going outside. I held my breath and closed my eyes for a moment. We were going outside.

''Honey, we should leave in ten minutes,'' Jenny softly said as she lightly touched my shoulder. I jumped slightly and looked up to her. I forced an apologetic smile on my face and nodded.

I went up to my room to change into jeans and a grey vest. My room was large and spacious. All the walls were white and there was a big window that Mick had placed especially for me. It let so much light into the room that the walls almost seemed to shine. The window had no lock. It gave me the feeling that I was always able to leave, never locked inside like I had been before.

I fumbled with my fingers as we started nearing the Sentara Virginia Beach Hospital. Next to the building was a side entrance that lead to the Virginia Beach Psychiatric Center where my psychiatrist Dr. Gregor was usually stationed. Normally he only saw me at our house on the porch, but since he thought it wasn't a good idea to bring unknown officers into our house or make me go to a police station, we were meeting here.

It had been months since I had been in the hospital. As we walked towards the entrance, I didn't know how to feel. I felt as though instead of them nudging me out of my comfort zone, they were throwing me out and over the edge off a cliff. I clenched my fists and dug my nails into the palm of my hand. I looked around me warily as I stuck close to Jenny's side. There were so many unfamiliar faces that they made me feel uneasy.

When we got to the office, Dr. Gregor offered me a hand as usual. I didn't shake it, as usual. I sat down in the chair, feeling extremely uncomfortable. Dr. Gregor was speaking in hushed tones with Mick, while Jenny was fumbling in her bag for some paperwork. I nervously looked around the room, desperately trying to focus on something else. I just had to get this over with and then Mick and Jenny would take me back home.

There was a knock on the door, even though it was open. There was a woman, dressed in police uniform, standing in the doorway. I felt my muscles tense a bit less and took a deep breath.

''Emma honey, we are going to be just around the corner on the left, call us when you need us, okay?'' Jenny said in a kind and worried tone. I nodded. I had to be brave for once. After Mick and Jenny left, the room fell silent for a moment.

''Hi Emma. I'm Officer McClain, but you can call me Susan if you want to,'' she said with a friendly voice. I warily studied her face which looked kind and trustworthy. Playful auburn curls and freckles on her cheeks made her look like an Irish woman. When she realized that she wasn't going to get a reply from me she got put her paperwork and looked at me.

''So- Emma, how have you been? Do you like your new home?'' Susan asked me. I was about to answer a simple yes when there was a slight knock on the door.

''Sorry I'm late,'' a heavy male voice said as he approached the chair next to Susan's. I looked up and froze immediately, my heart immediately starting to beat loudly in my chest. Even though the man was wearing a police uniform, the face of my father was staring back at me. I felt a feeling of panic, desperation and disbelief running through my body and looked towards the door.

''Emma- are you o-, '' Dr. Gregor asked but before he could finish I had thrown back my chair and ran for the door.

''Emma- no!''

I was out the door and into the hallway as fast as I could. I anxiously looked over my shoulder to find that he was following me. He found me. He found me and he was going to drag me back to that dark basement to punish me, and I would never see the daylight again.

My heart was pounding in my chest as I hastily took in my surroundings, desperately looking for the exit. I couldn't think straight, feeling as though my brain had turned into this hurricane of thoughts that was dragging me down to a place where I couldn't think at all. I heard running footsteps closing in. I felt tears starting to form in my eyes. He was going to catch me and drag me back to that basement. And this time I was never coming out again.

I made for the main entrance just a twenty feet away from me. I felt my knees go weak as I pushed through the door to run out of the building. I made for the road as I heard loud voices behind me, my father's the loudest of them all. His voice echoed in my head, though I did not know what he was saying.

As I turned my head back to look over my shoulder I felt my right shoe hook behind an badly placed brick. I quickly lost my balance and crashed into the pavement. I felt was a heavy smack on my forehead that made me wince in pain. More footsteps. He was here.

''Emma- calm down,'' my father said as he stood beside me. Tears were streaming down my face as I tried to back away from him. He was lying, he was good at that. I knew I had lost. I curled up, protecting my head with my arms as I felt blood running from from forehead down on my arm.

''She's hurt, we must get her inside.'' As my father was about to touch me the only thing that I could do was scream, scream as loud as I could. My scream echoed over the ground and could be heard from almost a mile away.

''Stop! Stay back she's afraid of you,'' another male voice said, I didn't recognize it.

My father backed off slightly. Why was he backing off. I didn't understand. What was happening. I moved my hands from my head downwards, wrapping them around my legs and started cradling myself. I closed my eyes and muttered to myself. Why was my father being so kind, was this all real?

A young man went to his knees in front of me and silently studied me for a while. I blankly stared at his light brown cardigan without looking up. I was breathing irregularly, still muttering to myself as I rocked myself back and forth; ''This isn't real, this isn't real, this isn't real.''

''Sir, you should leave,'' the young man mumbled as he tried to catch my gaze. I saw my father backing off, his face slightly worried. When he turned around and left I realized that it wasn't real. None of it had been real. Was I losing my mind?

''I'm crazy,'' I managed to breathe out as I caught my breath and felt tears streaming down my face.

''Look at me,'' he said as I reluctantly looked up, ''- you are not crazy.'' As I looked in his brown eyes I realized that for just one second, I believed him.

''My name is Spencer Reid, what's yours?''

HI guys!

Sorry that it took such a long time, I was very sick and was caught up in festivities (St. Patrick's Day and all). But- I'm back! In the next chapter you'll find out more about when this all takes place and where Spencer is in his life right now;)

Please leave a review if you like it or if you have any writing tips for me.

x Cosette