There's Always More

by AlicevsWonderland

Hogwarts AU. When Hiccup's secret of being the first to train a dragon is revealed, he struggles to handle his new popularity among the other students. Jack decides not to bother him like many of the others, even though he is also curious about the whole story. Despite this, an unlikely friendship blooms between the two boys and eventually turns into something more. Rated M!

16. The Aftermath

Author's note:

So… hi again everyone!

This chapter is a whopper and there's a new record of most POV's in one chapter for me: the most so far has been 3 POV's in a chapter but this one has 6!

Anyway… enjoy!

---

One moment of weakness. One moment where you fail to act. That's all it takes to ruin your life.

The single light bulb in the ceiling flickered, interchanging waves of pale light and darkness bothering Andrew Zamora's eyes. It was the kind of bulb you would expect to see in an old, creaky house…the kind of bulb that would go out on a dark night, just when you were feeling most scared and vulnerable.

The small cot was hard and uncomfortable to lie on. The disgusting smell of half-digested food and bile hung in the air. The dark stone walls in the cell seemed like they were closing in on him, encasing him like a coffin. Sometimes he would let his fingernails rake down the stone, cracks and small holes and scratches scraping against his fingertips.

He felt sick.

He always felt sick these days. The nausea was unbearable. He had lost count of how many times he'd thrown up. How much weight he'd lost. How much darker the circles under his eyes had become. How much paler his skin was now.

He groaned and rolled to his side on the cot. His back was sore from hunching over the bucket next to his bed all the time to empty his stomach after every meal. He heard a growling sound from his belly, complaining of the lack of food, but he couldn't do anything about it. He couldn't keep anything down.

Footsteps echoed through the long hallway outside his cell. It was probably some of the guards going to lunch…or dinner. He had no idea what time it was and there was no window in his cell.

Well…as long as they didn't pass by him and look at him with those judgmental eyes…those eyes that made him feel like a wild, savage animal being trapped in a cage.

His body was shaking. Beads of sweat rested on his forehead with their gross, sticky presence. The lack of food and sleep along with torturous emotions was making his body protest. It was trying to reject him…trying to push him out of his own skin and bones, like he was a demon being exorcised.

One moment of weakness meant he could no longer feel at home in his own body.

He sighed.

He deserved his suffering.

A certain dislike for Haddock had always bubbled inside him. He was annoying…a defiant smart-ass…a sarcastic know-it-all…and since his secret about the dragons was out, everyone just seemed to love him. It was sickening.

But what they had done to him…

It was wrong. It was so wrong.

And now the guilt was killing him slowly. It was consuming him alive. A beast lived in him now, clawing at his insides and spewing poison in his system, fighting to get out, infecting his organs, his veins, his muscles with its nauseating presence.

He hated Thomas and Peter. He despised them.

They had made it sound so easy and simple. They just needed to hurt Haddock to teach him a lesson and then they could all share the reward that these 'tribes' had put out. It was a golden ticket to freedom. They could do whatever they wanted, be whoever they wanted…nothing was going to limit him anymore.

He would be free from his family, who always acted like he owed them something. Just because they had adopted him when he was 10. He was grateful that they had put a roof over his head, given him food to eat, clothes on his back, books to read and school supplies…but that didn't mean he had to be their slave…that he had to do everything they wanted and mold his future after their wishes. They never let him forget just how grateful he should be for what they had done. They made sure to humiliate him and break down his ego whenever they could…to make him attend to their every need no matter how degrading it was, to shoot holes in his confidence by constantly making snide remarks about his looks, his personality, his abilities. They made him feel like he was worth no more than a cockroach. Whenever he wanted something different from them, it was shot down and he was put in his place. Whenever he did something they didn't approve of, they threatened to kick him out on the street, knowing fully well that he had nowhere else to go and no one else to turn to. It wasn't abuse in his mind but it was bloody close to it…and he was dependent on them…but he didn't want to be. He wanted to be his own person…someone who wasn't indebted to anyone ever again. If he had actually gotten that reward he would finally have been able to wrench himself out of their grasps as well as escape from his home town, where all the memories of his parents' deaths still echoed. He really didn't need to be reminded of that every single time he went home. He just needed a fresh start.

One moment of weakness meant that he would be spending the rest of his life in jail, never getting that fresh start.

His skin began to itch again. Irritating prickling sensations that he knew wouldn't go away even if he scratched. It was psychological. It was illusionary bugs crawling right under his skin, swimming in his blood, laying their disgusting clusters of eggs in his head.

He lowered his gaze and took in his arms resting along his sides on the hard cot. Long, angry, red scratch marks marred both of them. He had tried to scratch away his guilt…tried to rip open his skin, pale flakes getting trapped under his violent fingernails.

It didn't work.

No matter how much his angry nails dug into prickling skin, he didn't get any relief.

It was maddening. He wanted to claw at his scalp, rake his fingernails across every pale inch of his body, until everything was raw and red and bleeding. Maybe that would somehow purify him. Maybe then he could get some relief from the itch because he would be too focused on the pain instead.

One moment of weakness meant that he was going mad from the itch.

Why couldn't things have turned out differently? Why couldn't it have been like Peter and Thomas had told him in the first place? Injure Haddock and then claim a huge reward. Nice and simple.

With all that money, he would have just…traveled into the world and never looked back. He would have started a new life and left without saying goodbye to anyone, not even to Thomas and Peter.

But they had lied to him. They had trapped him. They had told him that everything would be fine…that they would harm Haddock but that it was going to be quick and easy and then they could all leave Hogwarts and their shitty lives behind forever.

It had been anything but quick and easy.

Suddenly he found himself in the middle of torture and attempted murder…something he had never agreed to do. He had tried to protest, tried to convince them that they didn't need to do it but he was scared. He had never been scared of Thomas and Peter before but what he saw in Peter's eyes...it frightened him to his core.

Peter was enjoying it. He was actually having fun watching Haddock scream and bleed and writhe in agony. The sick bastard…

Of course he knew that Peter got some kind of thrill from beating people up, from putting them in their place. After all, they had been friends for years and he had helped him inflict pain on others several times…but he had never expected that Peter would so easily cross the line over to torture and murder.

He had been wrong.

One moment of weakness meant he now knew Peter was a full-blown psychopath. Physically incapable of guilt and empathy of any kind.

That also meant he could have never actually cared for him and Thomas. That they were never really friends. It was a disturbing thought. That all these years he had been by the side of a psychopath without even knowing it.

He should have done more to stop them from torturing and trying to kill Haddock, but he feared they wouldn't hesitate to get him out of the way too…because it was about survival. They wouldn't risk going to Azkaban just because of him…their weak friend who had suddenly grown a conscience.

Oh, the irony…Peter had used the fucking Cruciatus curse! That was not a part of the plan and it was a guarantee that he would never leave Azkaban once they had all been convicted. Which they would be. The evidence was overwhelming.

Not that he cared. Peter could rot in a cell forever and it wouldn't bother him. He was done with the both of them. They had turned him into this…this writhing, sweating, vomiting mess whose guilt was chipping away at him, one torturous little piece at a time. He was wasting away.

He could still hear Haddock's screams of pain echo in his mind. They haunted him whenever silence hung in the air…like his guilt wanted to make sure he would never get a single moment of peace from what he had done.

He still saw the red blood and the sliced skin in his nightmares. He still pictured Haddock writhing in agony. He could still hear Peter telling Haddock that they were going to 'play a game'. The word "Crucio" still echoed in his mind.

He could feel the bile rising to his throat again, burning into his esophagus with its sharp, sickening acid. He curled up in the fetal position on the unpleasant cot that felt like a slab of rock.

He closed his eyes and breathed slowly to hold the bile down. He didn't want to feel his organs moving, the yellow-green fluid traveling towards his mouth, filling it with warm saliva first to warn him what was coming. He didn't want that disgusting, sour taste lingering on his tongue.

He wiped his forehead with a clammy hand, warm wet drops clinging to the skin. It was like poison was streaming through his veins as a result of his horrible actions and his body was desperately trying to get rid of the toxins through bile, sweat and vomit. He imagined this must be how addicts feel when they are coming off a drug. Pathetic. Weak. Boiling. Painful. Shaking.

Why had he ever gotten himself into this? He never wanted this…he just wanted freedom and if Haddock got beaten up and injured, it was a small price to pay.

But murder…cruel, slow torture…

One moment of weakness was all it took. One moment of weakness where he failed to do something meant that he would probably spend the rest of his life here in Azkaban.

One moment of weakness meant that Haddock would never be the same again.

One moment of weakness meant that neither would he.

---

Dark stone surrounded Peter McGowan from every angle. The hard wooden chair dug into his back. His hands trailed along the imperfections in the large, dark table he was sitting by. Evidence of years of use. Above him, a single lamp hung from the ceiling, only bathing the nearby surroundings with a very faint light. It had a sickening yellow color. Like baby vomit.

Interrogation rooms were all the same. They were meant to scare people, to make them feel cornered and alone against the authorities, to give them the impression that they would be unable to ever escape unless they gave them what they wanted.

This was what? The fourth or fifth time they had brought him into this room to question him in the last week? As if he would suddenly break down and tell them everything. They had another thing coming. He wasn't some weak coward who was easily manipulated and broken down.

"Come on Peter, we know you did it. We have plenty of evidence to convict you, so you might as well try to help yourself and cooperate." a man's voice said from the chair on the other side of the table.

Bloody hell, he hated police officers. They always thought they were so clever and superior…that they had some kind of secret knowledge about the minds of criminals that even the criminals didn't know about.

There were two of them trying to interrogate him. One was tall, lean and quite young with short blonde, smooth hair. His gentle features reminded him of the typical 'all-around good guy'. Someone who had been well-liked all his life and who had now dedicated his life to being a 'hero', fighting the awful, horrible bad guys. The other officer was middle-aged, a bit chubby and had dark hair and a moustache. He had a certain air of authority and experience about him that he didn't like at all. He was challenging him.

It was a classic combination. A young one who he might identify with because he was closer to his own age and an older one whose experience and authority he might respect or feel intimidated by.

As if.

He remained silent, letting his fingertips glide across the wooden surface of the table, exploring the small holes, marks and cracks that came from years of having criminals sit by it. He briefly wondered how many killers, rapists, child molesters and death-eaters had sat here. Azkaban was an old place after all…and from the look of this table, it had been there for many years as well.

"Peter…" the young, blonde man's voice said, more softly this time. "We just want to help you…but we can't help you unless you give us something. You need to cooperate."

Great, here came the bonding strategy…trying to develop some rapport, so he would feel 'comfortable' opening up to them.

Apparently they thought he was a bloody idiot. He may not have done very well at school but he definitely wasn't stupid. He was good at reading human behavior. He knew what they were doing. He saw right through their manipulative strategies.

…and he was not going to say a fucking word. They weren't trying to "help" him. They just wanted him to start talking, so he might eventually say something they could use against him. Because he was a criminal, they assumed he was some kind of half-wit and wouldn't figure that out.

"You know you're in trouble here, Peter. This is not going to go away just by remaining silent. You tortured someone and tried to kill them. You used the Cruciatus curse. You know what that means." the older, dark-haired officer said and leaned a little over the table, lowering his head to watch him with those condescending eyes, as if he was talking to a small child who knew he was in trouble.

Bloody hell that guy's face was annoying. His cheeks and nose were all bumpy and reddened, as if he was an alcoholic, his dark moustache rested under his nose like some kind of furry snail and his eyes gleamed with the arrogance that came from years of feeling superior to others. He must be getting off on this…playing the role of the righteous crusader every day. A pure defender of morals and law.

He stuck a finger into one of the larger dents in the wooden surface.

Yes, he had used the Cruciatus curse…and yes, he knew exactly what that meant.

He shouldn't have used it, because using that curse would earn anyone a life-time stay here in Azkaban. That was his future now. How fucking ridiculous. He had been so sure they would get away with it that he had gotten carried away in the heat of the moment.

When he didn't respond, the older man spoke once more.

"Peter." he said, this time firmly, like a parent trying to get their disobedient child to do something. Apparently he was attempting a new strategy now. "If you feel any remorse at all about what you've done, you should use this chance to come clean about everything."

Ah, the guilt strategy. Well, that was definitely not going to work with him.

An eye for an eye. Haddock got what was coming to him…for all the times he'd been a defiant, disrespectful, sarcastic shit through the years…for how he had used his new popularity to hit on Sarah and wouldn't even back down when they confronted him…for humiliating them in front of everyone, when he should have just done what they'd told him…for getting them expelled…

Under normal circumstances, he would have found a way to beat Haddock up. To cause him pain in the way he usually did with people who got in his way or tried to make him look weak.

But then a better opportunity had arisen. When their connection at Hogwarts had approached him and explained to him that those savage tribes would offer him enough money to fulfill all his wildest dreams of power and status for the rest of his life, how could he refuse? All he needed was to get his two friends to join him in the plan, since he wasn't going to take on Haddock by himself. The guy might be a sarcastic shit but he knew how to fight and he wasn't going to take the risk of losing. Only a stupid person would have approached him alone.

Luckily he knew all of Andrew's and Thomas' weaknesses, fears and dreams through years of analyzing them, learning how to get them to do what he wanted.

Getting Thomas on board had been the easiest. He was hesitant at first of course but when he had explained to Thomas just how much money they were going to get and how that would be his golden ticket to get his family away from his abusive father, he quickly accepted. He wasn't surprised by that. Thomas was desperate to get his mum and brother away from his father and when people were desperate, they were easy to manipulate and willing to cross moral borders they wouldn't usually cross.

Andrew was a bit more difficult to convince, but he had expected that. It was the reason why he hadn't actually told him they were going to torture and kill Haddock. If he had known that from the start, he would have blown the whole plan. Andrew might not mind beating people up, but he did not have the stomach for torture and murder. However…he had known that as soon as Andrew was in the middle of the situation, he would be too afraid to back out. He knew he could control him. Inside, Andrew was a weak coward, so he decided to use that knowledge to his advantage. He was also well aware that Andrew had serious issues with his adoptive family and desperately wanted to get away and achieve independence from them and everyone else, so that had been his way in to convince him to join. While Thomas was in it for his family, Andrew looked out for himself. That was perfectly logical and reasonable to him, but most people would probably not agree. Those people were hypocrites.

"Peter…what you did was sick and wrong. You know that. The only way you can start redeeming yourself is if you talk to us and tell us what happened from your perspective." that annoying, authoritative voice said from in front of him.

A little, crooked smile strained one side of his mouth. That guy should choke on his own moustache. That way the world would be free of his suffocating moral speeches.

Did he know that what he did was sick and wrong?

No.

Those were just words invented by people who were slaves to societies' morals and laws. Like the two 'heros' in front of him.

He was different from other people. He had been aware of that for many years.

He knew what guilt meant. He could recognize it in other people. But he had never felt it himself.

He was well aware that that was not normal. He had often found himself in situations where other people reacted emotionally to something and he should be doing the same thing, but where he had felt nothing at all.

The first time he realized something was different inside him was when his sister died when he was nine years old and his parents were stricken with grief. He should have been sad. He should have been crying. But he didn't. He didn't feel anything.

Several times in his life people, mostly former teachers and psychologists, had called attention to his lack of guilt and empathy towards other people. They said it was human to feel remorse and to be affected by other people's emotions.

He didn't care that it was 'human'. They spoke of it as if it was some kind of strength to be able to feel those things.

Andrew was currently spending his days vomiting out his insides from guilt.

Was that better than his own situation?

Of course it wasn't. Only a stupid, naïve person would think so.

Guilt meant that you doubted and felt horrible about the actions you'd taken to put someone in their place, to avoid people taking advantage of you and to make sure you'd be able to fight your way to the top and stay there.

Being unable to feel guilt and empathy made him much stronger than the average person. He never had to hesitate or feel bad about doing whatever needed to be done to make himself succeed and achieve what he wanted in life. That was strength and power, not something to try to suppress. Those so-called 'good' people, the ones who were kind and understanding and patient with everyone they came across…they didn't have what it took to achieve greatness.

Life was a brutal game. Everyone wants to believe that all people are equals, that everyone should help the weaker ones, that no one should be immune from the law not even the most powerful, that everyone should be nice and polite and understanding about every single flaw and neurosis and trauma.

But that was bullshit and that wasn't how things actually worked. Some people will always have more power than others. The strong have always oppressed the weak and that will continue to happen. It's human nature.

…and he did not intend to ever be one of the weak.

So when those savage Vikings came along and offered him a way to a rich, powerful life…a life where it didn't matter that he didn't have an education or a family anymore, where it didn't matter that his parents were meek, unimportant people, where it didn't matter that he didn't come from a rich background or had a lot of connections…

…it was just impossible to resist.

He had had power throughout his life by making sure that no one ever messed with him or his friends, but this was on a much larger scale. In this world, money was power…and after getting rid of Haddock, he would have been set for life.

"Don't you care about anyone?" the young officer asked him, light eyebrows lowering in a condescending way. "Not your victim, not your two friends, not your family? You would make things easier on all of them, if you cooperated."

He scoffed and then an amused smile appeared on his lips.

Wow. These officers were not the brightest. They hadn't figured out yet that no, he didn't care for the needs of others. Why should he?

His victim?

No, he didn't care how Haddock was. He had been a means to an end. A way to finally get what he wanted.

His two friends?

No, he didn't care about them either. They were both going to turn on him as soon as they got an offer of a reduced sentence in their hands. Why should he be loyal to them? Besides…he had had a lot of fun with them over the years, but he would never choose someone else above himself. His needs came before all others'. Thomas and Andrew had been an entertaining way to socialize through the years. They had been a source of fun for him and they had been useful chess pieces, assisting him with whatever he wanted, like beating someone up or threatening someone to do their homework…but they were just that…chess pieces. Tools he could use to achieve stuff. He didn't actually give a shit about Andrew's insecurities or Thomas' abusive family life. They got what they deserved because they were too weak to do anything about their situation.

His family?

He hadn't heard from his parents while he had been in here. Not that that surprised him. They were probably going to disown him after this…but...what did it matter anyway? He didn't need them. He could take care of himself no matter what happened.

They had never forgiven him for his sister's death. For that reason, it had always been a part of his plan to leave them behind and start again somewhere else. They liked to look at him with blame in their eyes. To spit out subtle reminders that he was responsible. It didn't make him feel guilty like they wanted it to, but he wasn't going to put up with that kind of disrespect. He knew he wasn't responsible and even if he was, so what? His sister had obviously been a stupid little girl since she had wandered off and stumbled down that hill and bashed her head on that rock, while he was busy reading comic books. Yes, he was supposed to watch her, but he had told her not to leave the garden and yet she had. Foolish girl. It certainly wasn't his fault that she couldn't obey a simple order.

"Fine. That was your last chance. I hope you'll enjoy your time here in Azkaban, since this will be your home for the rest of your life." The older, dark-haired officer with the snail moustache said and then got up. His chair creaked from the sudden movement.

They pulled him to his feet and began to lead him towards the door, one officer on each side of him, holding on to his arms with tight grips.

He met the eyes of the younger, blonde officer whose lips were a thin line. Those blue eyes were slightly narrowed and they were brimming with a quiet, controlled disgust.

He knew they saw him as some kind of repulsive, lower form of life because of his actions. Because he had actually dared to do something they would never have the ability to do without breaking down pathetically.

As they began to lead him through dark, stone hallways with dim lamps in the ceiling and guards posted at various points, he began thinking about what he had discovered about himself through this experience. The reason why he cast the Cruciatus curse, even though it hadn't been a part of his original plan.

He had beaten up plenty of people throughout the years. He was no stranger to inflicting pain on others and he liked the sensation of power that rushed through him, when he made someone bleed and bruise, but…he had never tortured someone before. He hadn't really expected it to change anything inside him but he had been wrong about that.

He had found out that he liked it.

Holding Haddock's life in his hands…watching him be completely at his mercy…hearing and seeing him writhe and scream and bleed, being able to decide whether he lived or died with a simple flick of his wand…

It was the most thrilling surge of power he had ever experienced. It felt like being some kind of god, who could choose to extract someone's life force slowly or snuff it out in a few, quick seconds. That was why he had used the curse. He was in some kind of trance and wanted to feel more of that wonderful, addictive power and exhilaration…to feel even more adrenaline and excitement stream through his entire being. He had never felt more alive. It was like some primal need had been awakened inside him.

…and the longer Haddock had held out, the more he had wanted to see just how much pain he could handle. How much would it take to break him? How long before he started to beg them to kill him?

It was like some sort of childish curiosity had arisen within him alongside the sparks of excitement. He wanted to explore the limits of the human body and mind…wanted to find out when someone would snap and go insane and when the continuance of pain would be a worse option than death.

He never got that far though.

They moved down a new, dark hallway towards his cell. Their footsteps echoed through the air and the older officer's heavy breathing reached his ears. The handcuffs had started to dig into his skin but he wasn't going to show his discomfort. They moved past a lamp that briefly flickered.

He didn't know exactly how their plan had failed, but he was certain that either Andrew or Thomas had fucked up somehow. Maybe Andrew hadn't kept a proper lookout, while they were in the corridor and hadn't dragged Haddock into the workshop yet. Maybe Thomas hadn't done the silencing spells properly. He should have done those things himself.

Because of the stupidity of his so-called 'friends', Frost and Rider had ruined their plans. They had interfered, knocked them out with stunning spells and (as he was later informed) taken Haddock to the hospital wing so he survived.

And now he was going to spend the rest of his life in this hole of a prison known as Azkaban.

That wasn't the important thing right now though. The important thing was that these police officers were not going to break him. He knew it wouldn't be the last time they would pull him into that interrogation room, even if they had claimed just that. Every interaction between him and them was a power play and there was no way he was going to lose.

They walked past empty cell after empty cell, before he turned his head a little and looked into Thomas' cell. He was sitting on the floor just staring blankly into the air. When he passed by Andrew's cell a few moments later, he could see him lying on his cot, shaking and moaning as usual.

Andrew and Thomas were both weak. They had probably already cracked and would sell each other out as well as him. But he wouldn't talk no matter what.

It was a good thing that he had kept the identity of their source at the castle to himself. He had figured that if something went wrong, he could use a bit of leverage to negotiate a reduced sentence or use it to his advantage in some other way…

…but that was before he had used the Cruciatus curse. Now there was no way he was going to be offered better terms in exchange for information, so there was no reason for him to keep it to himself, except that he didn't want to cooperate in the slightest. He didn't want to give those officers the upper hand. To let them win.

He glanced briefly to his left and then to his right, where the two men were walking beside him, still keeping their hands tightly on his arms.

They thought they were cleverer than him. More persistent than him. More manipulative than him. Stronger than him. They thought it was a matter of time before he would break down and begin to talk in a desperate, naïve attempt to create an easier life in prison for himself.

They were very wrong about that.

---

Tick tock.

Tick tock.

Loud clocks in prisons was some kind of method for breaking people down and get them to talk. Thomas Levin was sure of it.

Hearing the same, repetitive sound over and over again, every single day, would stress most people out. The human mind wasn't made for endless repetition.

Tick tock.

Tick tock.

He hadn't even been able to see the guilty fucker at first. He couldn't spot it from his cell, so it was only the first time he was brought out of the cell again and towards the interrogation room that he had seen it, hanging farther down the hallway. A big, round black and white thing, whose whole mechanism clicked so noisily it seemed like a huge effort for the clock to make its arms go around.

The fact that the cells in this particular hallway were a place to hold prisoners temporarily until they had been interrogated and then later on received their sentence, only supported his idea that that clock was used as some kind of psychological torture.

Time is running out. You better start talking before it's too late.

That was the message the placement and noise of that clock seemed to send.

Tick tock.

Tick tock.

He knew Peter certainly hadn't talked.

He could see it in his eyes. Every time those two officers led Peter back and forth between the interrogation room and his cell and the large guy looked into his cell and they locked eyes…he could see that defiance, that stubbornness, that refusal to ever show weakness of any kind.

The hard stone floor was beginning to dig into his thighs. He had been sitting here on the floor for hours just staring into the wall and thinking about this whole situation. It wasn't like he had anything else to do and he needed a break from that unpleasant cot.

Peter wasn't ever going to leave Azkaban after using the Cruciatus curse and he didn't care in the slightest. It had become completely apparent to him that Peter was in fact not just a bully like him…but something else entirely.

He probably should have seen the signs over the years but…how often do you think about potentially being in the company of an actual psychopath? When you notice someone you know often causing trouble and pain for others, you think 'bad temper' and 'lack of impulse control' and such things. You don't think 'psychopath'. And when he wanted to, Peter could actually be a lot of fun to be around as well as generous, and he never backed down if anyone messed with his friends. That had been an effective way to disguise his true nature, even from him and Andrew.

But there was no way Peter could ever disguise that gleam in his eyes and that hint of a smile on his lips, when Haddock was screaming in agony from the Cruciatus curse. Peter actually liked torturing someone. He didn't. And now Peter would definitely spend the rest of his life here in Azkaban.

He and Andrew however, still had a chance of getting their sentences reduced a little bit and he wasn't stupid enough to let that chance slip through his fingers. He told the officers whatever they wanted to know. Whenever they brought him into the interrogation room, he answered their questions without holding anything back. He knew it was his best chance right now.

Tick tock.

Tick tock.

He felt an itch appear on one of his arms. Prickling. Uneasy tingling across the skin.

He carefully rolled up the long, dark grey sleeve covering the arm. As he folded the fabric up, purple and dark blue skin came into view, angry bruises coloring almost his entire arm. There was barely a skin-colored patch left on it. It was sore and aching and every time something even grazed the skin, he flinched.

He looked at the bruises and tried to very carefully scratch at the itchy skin with two fingers. It immediately hurt too much and he stopped right away. He would just have to put up with the itch.

He had gotten them about two weeks ago. They hadn't faded much yet. His dad was very effective in leaving dark bruises that took a long time to disappear.

Tick tock.

Tick tock.

All of this was supposed to have been his way out.

He had been close to breaking during the summer. He had actually had the thought that his mind might snap.

There was only one reason he didn't. It was the same reason why he had let Peter talk him into torturing and killing Haddock, even though he knew it was wrong and might end badly.

His mum and his little brother.

He needed to protect them. At all costs.

If it had only been him at home with his father, he would have run away years ago…but as long as he was there, his father left Jacob and his mum alone – even when he was off to Hogwarts. That was the unspoken agreement he had with his father. That he would take the abuse as long as his mum and Jacob were left out of it.

He couldn't just grab them and take off either. His father would definitely come looking for them and he was one of those people who would never be held accountable for his actions, because he knew all the right people.

The law was supposed to protect everyone and make everyone responsible for their actions.

It didn't.

His father was wealthy and had friends in all the right places, so he was kept safe from any kind of prosecution no matter how many times he abused him in various, cruel ways.

They wouldn't be able to hide from him for long and even if they would, he didn't have any money to provide for them. He couldn't give them life on the streets just because he was too weak to put up with more of his dad's ruthless beatings.

Tick tock.

Tick tock.

Then Haddock just had to be unable to shut his mouth. He just had to provoke them, talk back to them, be an annoying shit as usual, so Peter lost his temper and attacked him and he helped him to back up his friend and to teach Haddock a lesson.

He sighed and leaned back against the dark, stone wall. He closed his eyes for a few seconds before cracking them open again. The sounds of Andrew vomiting again and moaning in his cell farther down the hallway reached his ears. That was a regular occurrence these days. Andrew was being eaten up alive by his guilt.

He couldn't say he didn't understand him and sympathize with him. He was having trouble with his conscience too these days, although obviously not as much as Andrew…but he had bad dreams regularly and whenever he thought about how he had sliced Haddock's skin open, he felt sick to his stomach.

He couldn't fully comprehend that he had actually done those things. Now that it was over, it seemed like it had been another person doing it. As if he saw himself from outside his body. It was surreal.

What they had done to Haddock was wrong. There was no doubt in his mind about that. He might beat people up on a regular basis, but torture and murder was a completely different thing. He knew it was a terrible, inhuman thing to do, but he had been desperate. He had needed to protect his mum and little brother and was slowly running out of options to do that. Sacrificing Haddock to get them a better life was an acceptable trade for him. Something he didn't like to do at all but something he could live with in the end, because he would have saved his family.

Well…he would have been able to live with it, if it had actually gone the way they had planned. Now though…his family was left to his father's bad temper and violent hands without him being able to do anything about it. It was tearing him up inside, especially because he wasn't even allowed to get visits from them yet. He had no idea how they were doing. If his father had already started to hurt his little brother in the same way he himself had been used to getting hurt for years. He had smashed his fists against the stone walls of his cells endless times since he got here. It was the only outlet for his anger and frustration he had.

Tick tock.

Tick tock.

So it hadn't been worth it in the end. He had ended up doing something horrible for no reason and that would probably plague his conscience for the rest of his life.

Those bloodthirsty Vikings had been very insistent that he and the others would need to make Haddock suffer and humiliate him. Otherwise there was no deal. Apparently Haddock had pissed them off to the point where they not only wanted him dead but wanted it to be slow and painful as well. It was clearly personal. He didn't know what exactly Haddock had done to them, he just knew that it had to do with the dragons and that those Vikings saw him as a threat because he was apparently able to gain control of the massive beasts…

…and once they had made the deal with the Vikings, there was no backing out. You did not break deals with those people. If you did, it would be you who would be killed.

Despite how much he despised Haddock, he had actually been relieved to find out that he had survived. He wouldn't have minded beating him up but torturing and killing him was never something he had wanted to do. It was nothing more than a desperate attempt to finally find a way out of that hell hole he called home and take Jacob and his mum with him. It was reckless, dangerous and wrong but he had had to take that opportunity Peter handed him. It was the only real ticket to a better life for him and his family that he had ever been given. He couldn't have said no.

Even if that meant becoming a murderer.

At least he had tried to protect his family. Unlike Andrew and Peter who only did all of this for themselves.

Tick tock.

Tick tock.

Most people will never find out what lengths they will go to, to save the ones they love. Most people are able to remain in their little, snug illusions that they would never harm another human being no matter what. That they would never cross those neat moral lines they stayed inside in their everyday life.

That was bullshit.

Everyone, if pushed enough and under the right circumstances, would be able to hurt someone else. Not everyone would be able to go as far as torture and murder but everyone would cross some of those moral borders they were usually so protective of.

Would you steal something from another person under normal circumstances? No.

Would you steal something from another person if someone held a gun to your head and threatened to kill you if you didn't? Definitely.

Would you hit someone under normal circumstances? No.

Would you hit someone if a person said they would slice open the neck of someone you loved, if you didn't? Definitely.

How willing people are to compromise their ideals of 'morals' is a matter of desperation. It's easy to take the moral high ground when you don't have something vital at stake.

He did have something vital at stake…and he would continue to talk. He would spill everything if it meant getting his sentence reduced so he wouldn't spend his entire life here in Azkaban, away from his family.

His friendship with Andrew and Peter was over. This was every man for himself.

---

The chilly night air was fresh and cool against Jack's skin. In the skies, grey clouds drifted across the dark blue heavens, occasionally obscuring the large, white glowing moon and veiling the bright stars.

Usually the moon would bring him some comfort. It reminded him of the story of the Man in the Moon his father used to tell him when he was sad or scared. The bright, glowing light illuminating the earth in a pale shine would always make him feel better.

Today the moon had other plans. Today it said: "Fuck you, Jack. It's not my job to make you feel better. You're on your own."

The wooden surface of the table was digging into his thighs. He was sitting in one of the courtyards, completely in silence and solitude, since everyone was inside in the warmth, either spending time in the common rooms or still in the Great Hall eating dinner.

Jack had no appetite these days. The thought of food made his throat close up a little and the nausea to stir inside him.

He raked fingernails along the hard, wooden surface of the table, feeling every bump, every scratch, every crack with his pale fingertips. So many students had sat by this table through the years, abusing it in various ways. It had been subjected to teenage boys carving messages or names into it, little girls drawing small doodles on it, countless items being dropped or spilled, staining or denting it, the brutal effects of rainstorms, harsh winds, snow and burning sun scraping away at the wood. It was beat up. Used. Worn down.

Jack was worn down too.

He'd never actually identified with a piece of furniture before but today he did. He felt sorry for the poor table. Its busted up, worn state reflected his own mind perfectly.

He wasn't just worried about Hiccup.

He was slowly being consumed from the inside out with anxiety and depression. It was fraying every nerve in his body. Gnawing at every corner of his mind. He was being slowly and torturously ripped apart. A bone in the mouth of a dog ruthlessly tearing thin, sparse shreds of meat off with sharp canine teeth.

His surroundings were quiet and peaceful but they didn't soothe his mind in the slightest. The wind gently ruffled his snow-white hair and caressed his pale skin. It danced through the blades of grass below him and the branches above him. The snow had gone away these past few days, melted by showers of rain. Now everything seemed grey and wet instead of white and shimmering.

Not that the snow would have comforted him anyway. The thoughts were constantly swirling in his mind, tugging violently at him in every waking moment.

Hiccup was doing exactly what Jack had feared he would do. He was pulling away and isolating himself.

Madam Whitley had let Hiccup leave the hospital wing a few days after he was admitted. His physical wounds had healed enough for him to be able to leave, as long as he brought pain killing potions with him, because he was still suffering from headaches and sometimes muscle spasms. Why, Jack had no idea and he was growing more and more frustrated and desperate because he wasn't getting any answers.

Hiccup had spent most of his time in the hospital wing sleeping. He was given Dreamless Sleep potions because he had nightmares and his body and mind seriously needed rest because of everything he'd been through. In the short periods he was awake, he would mostly just lie in the bed in silence, petting Toothless who never left his side. They had ended up bringing food and water to the room for the cat, since Toothless refused to leave for even just a second.

Jack and the others made sure that at least one of them was always in Hiccup's room, since the person who had helped McGowan and Levin get into the castle still hadn't been found. Jack and the others had discussed time and time again who it could possibly be. They had gone through so many possibilities but without coming to a conclusion, since they couldn't find anyone who had an obvious connection to Scandinavia.

Jack and Flynn had both given witness statements to the authorities and Hiccup had as well. Hiccup hadn't spoken a single word for the rest of that day and Jack knew exactly why. The authorities not only needed Hiccup's statement of what had happened, they also needed to document his injuries, which meant that Hiccup had to show them the damages to his body. Hiccup was a private person, so the fact that he not only had to relive everything by explaining in detail what happened, he had also had to strip down and let them document his injuries.

Since Hiccup had left the hospital wing, he had begun to spend all his time outside in the forest with Toothless. He had been excused from classes for a month by headmaster Lunar, with the option of getting more time off, in light of the seriousness of the situation. That meant Jack almost never saw Hiccup these days. He came to the meals in the Great Hall at first, mostly just pushing his food around on his plate, but now he was beginning to skip meals or at least…get food at other times. Jack hadn't even seen him at all today and only a few glimpses of him yesterday.

He sighed and let his hands slide down his face. He lifted his head and just looked at the moon for a few moments. He was getting desperate and that unnerving, anxious feeling that something was very wrong wouldn't leave him.

Hiccup was calm. That was probably the most worrying thing of all. He was exhausted yes, but he was calm and collected. He never cried, screamed or lashed out as a result of the horrible things he had gone through. He was just…passive. He didn't want to talk to anyone, he didn't really eat much and he didn't want to do anything except be with Toothless.

That was not a healthy way of dealing with being tortured.

Jack pulled his legs up on the table so he was sitting cross legged on the wooden surface. He wrung his hands a little.

Of course he had tried to get Hiccup to talk. They all had in their little group of friends. None of them were successful. Hiccup always just told them he didn't want to talk about it and then retreated outside with Toothless. Ever since he was tortured, Toothless followed him everywhere in the shape of a black cat, except outside in the forest where Hiccup once again turned him into a dragon.

It worried all of them that Hiccup was isolating himself and not just because of the obvious emotional problems he was dealing with that he didn't want to share…but also because of the safety issues. If Jack had his way, Hiccup would be surrounded by him and the others at all times to keep him safe, but they couldn't force him to do that and obviously Hiccup needed some time alone before he would be ready to let them in. Rapunzel had tried to comfort him and tell him that Hiccup was safe as long as Toothless was around but…he couldn't let go of his worries.

His vision became slightly blurry, as a few tears moistened his eyes. He quickly blinked them away.

His heart was slowly breaking into tiny, shattered pieces from watching the guy he loved so much being in pain without being able to do anything about it…and Hiccup was in pain. He was calm and collected, yes…but anyone who truly knew him was well aware that that was one of his defense mechanisms.

Hiccup was putting up more and more emotional walls…and this time they were thicker and stronger than ever before…surrounded by barbed wire and guard dogs. No one was getting past them and each day that came and went without Hiccup improving made Jack slowly sink into a hopeless depression.

Madam Whitley hadn't been able to tell them what had happened to Hiccup, because she wasn't allowed to share that kind of detailed information without the student's permission, and Hiccup hadn't wanted to tell any of them about what those bastards had done to him. The only thing he had shared was that they injured him with some stunning spells and took his wand.

It made Jack sick to his stomach to think about it all…the not knowing made everything worse, because he ran all kinds of possibilities through his mind every single day, each of them more horrible than the next.

What had they done to him?

---

The large stone bathroom was dimly lit and completely deserted. The light cast strange shadows across Rapunzel's face, as she watched herself in the mirror over the sink for a few moments. She brushed the tears trailing down her cheeks away with her hands and took a deep breath. She exhaled shakily and then sighed.

She felt empty inside these days. Tired. Depressed. Hopeless.

She had dark circles under her eyes, her hair wasn't brushed, and she looked paler than usual. Her usual bright and bubbly appearance was gone.

The reason was obvious. Her heart was breaking for Hiccup but he wasn't letting her in. She had tried so many times in the past three weeks to get him to talk, but he clearly didn't want to and it left her in a state of desperation and depression. She knew him. He might not be crying, but he was definitely not okay.

And how could he be? She still didn't know what exactly had happened to him that day, but it was obviously something horrific and traumatizing and…even though Hiccup was a strong person, no one could undergo torture and come out of it without any emotional damage. She so desperately wanted to help him…do anything to lessen his pain…but how could she, when he didn't want to open up to her?

As she left the bathroom and walked slowly down the empty corridor, her entire body tired and weak, she felt the nausea that had become so familiar ever since all of this happened to Hiccup, swirl inside her. She and Hiccup were not related but in her heart, he was her brother. They had known each other for so many years…they had laughed together, cried together, been angry and frustrated together…they had supported each other, revealed their demons to each other, eased each other's worries and fears in dark moments. They were best friends. Siblings. They could always trust each other, always rely on each other no matter what.

She rubbed her red, puffy eyes a little, as she continued to softly tread along the empty, dimly lit hallway. Luckily there weren't any other students around right now.

She made sure to only cry when she was in the bathroom or lying in her bed at night. It was incredibly difficult to hold it in because the ache in her heart was so strong but…she couldn't let Hiccup see her cry. That would only make things worse for him, because he would start to blame himself for it. He really didn't need guilt on top of everything else he was going through. So she tried her best to push it down, to blink away the tears whenever he was around and then retreat some time later to the bathroom or the dormitory to have a good cry, where she could let it all out. Once in a while, Fishlegs or one of their Gryffindor friends would comfort her afterwards, if they knew she was crying. Her eyes constantly felt irritated these days from all the tears passing through them.

As she walked through another corridor and passed one of the entrances to a courtyard, she suddenly spotted a familiar head of white hair. She stopped in her tracks and watched Jack for a few moments. He was sitting on one of the large tables with his head lifted upwards, watching the stars and the moon. The gentle light from the large orb in the dark skies made Jack's snow-white hair and pale skin almost glow.

She walked into the courtyard and began approaching him, her light footsteps squishing the wet grass beneath her feet. It would be comforting to talk to a friend right now.

She knew that Jack had seen her in his peripheral vision, but he didn't move. She came closer, shivering a little from the brisk night air and pulled her cloak tighter around herself. She sat down next to him on the table.

They sat in silence for a few moments in the chilly winter night, watching the stars and the moon shine in the sky and the grey clouds travelling across the darkness.

She turned her head and looked at Jack for a few moments.

She knew Jack was just as concerned about Hiccup as she was. It was obvious that he was falling apart inside from all of this. He barely ate and slept and his usually youthful, happy face was marred by fatigue and depression. He had dark circles under his eyes, his face seemed paler than usual and his white hair was constantly disheveled.

She exhaled deeply and watched her breath look like a little white cloud.

"You know…" she began, breaking the silence between them. "The first time I met Hiccup all those years ago on the Hogwarts express…I knew right away that I wanted to be his friend." she said softly. A tiny smile graced her lips as she recalled the memory.

"How so?" Jack croaked, but didn't take his eyes off the sky.

"Two second year boys on the Hogwarts express were being really mean to me and took my backpack, refusing to give it back. I was really upset…it was a horrible way to start this whole new life. But then suddenly, this short, really skinny boy with freckles and shaggy brown hair" she said and chuckled fondly at the memory "started defending me with that sharp sarcasm of his and they let me have my backpack back…and then…his entire demeanor changed. He was so kind and gentle when he asked me if I was okay, and when he told me not to listen to anything they said. Then he offered me to come along with him to a compartment where his friend…Fishlegs…was waiting. I already knew then that I wanted to be his friend."

Jack tore his gaze off the dark winter heavens above them and met her eyes. The familiar blue eyes were filled with soft warmth now and a tiny, almost invisible smile twitched his lips. "It's a good thing the sorting hat put you in the same House then." he told her.

She smiled at that comment.

"Actually….the sorting hat was in doubt when it had to decide where to place me. It said I could do well in either Hufflepuff or Ravenclaw but…Hiccup and Fishlegs had already been sorted into Ravenclaw, so I asked it to put me there." she explained and grabbed a lock of her long, golden hair and twirled it around a finger. It was a familiar, comforting act.

Jack nodded in understanding and then broke eye contact with her to look at the wet ground for a few moments.

Jack sighed deeply.

"What are we going to do about him?" he asked her, wringing his pale hands.

She lifted her head and observed the large, glowing orb in the dark skies.

That was a good question. What could they do that they hadn't already done? Hiccup knew they were all there for him but…he still couldn't bring himself to open up to them. In her heart though, Rapunzel knew that Jack was their best shot.

Hiccup was in love with him. She knew that even though her friend hadn't actually told her. Since that day on Berk where Hiccup had revealed to her and Fishlegs that he had feelings for Jack, she had begun to notice the way he looked at Jack, when he thought no one was watching.

It was soft. Adoring. Like Jack was something he desperately wanted to cherish, protect and hold close to him forever.

It was the look of a pure, unconditional love…

…and that love was going to be their best shot of getting Hiccup to open up.

She trained her green eyes on Jack once again.

"Jack…to be honest…I think you're the one who has the best chance of getting him to talk." she told him.

"Me? Why?" Jack asked her, brow furrowed in confusion.

"It's just…I've known Hiccup for more than five years. Fishlegs has known him even longer and…neither of us have ever seen him open up to someone as quickly as he has opened up to you. I mean, after only a few months, he told you about how everyone made him feel worthless back home. Do you know how long it took him to tell me about that?" she said to him, remembering that night in the start of their second year when Hiccup had finally let her in on all the hurt he experienced back home. It had deepened their friendship significantly and since that day, he trusted her more and more as time went by and let her see so many hidden sides of him that he had kept buried in his mind. She knew that Hiccup trusted her completely, even when he was isolating himself. He just still had some trouble reaching out sometimes.

Jack shook his head slowly, encouraging her to go on.

"A year. I obviously knew, because Hiccup had dropped hints that things weren't great back home and he got all solemn and isolated himself every time he got a letter from his dad but...it took him a year to sit down and actually tell me everything about it, because it hurt him so much and because he had lost his trust in people. I don't know how you did it but…you just…you have a unique relationship with him, Jack." she smiled softly at him.

It was true. Jack's friendship with Hiccup was something truly special and she was immensely grateful that he had managed to gain his trust. It warmed her heart whenever she saw Hiccup and Jack play around with each other, protect each other or be affectionate with each other.

"You think so?" Jack asked with a small, insecure smile and his blue irises gleamed with…

…was that…hope?

She stared into Jack's intense eyes, trying to decode what that burst of raw emotion swirling in the blue eyes meant.

It looked so soft…so…

Could it be…? Could Jack…have feelings for Hiccup too?

What she was seeing in her friend's eyes right now made her believe that it was actually possible.

"Yeah." she responded. "Hiccup is one of my best friends and…you seem to be able to get past those walls of his better than anyone I've ever seen, so…I really hope you'll try again and get him to talk, Jack. I think he'll listen to you eventually." she told him, hoping that he would be willing to try again, though somehow she already knew he would. Jack wasn't the type to give up on his friends. He was fiercely loyal and supportive to everyone he cared about. That was one of the things she appreciated most about him, along with his slightly childish, fun-loving nature.

"I'll try my best." Jack replied with a small sigh. His breath formed a little wisp of white mist.

"Thanks Jack." she said, a warm smile curving the corners of her pink lips upwards a little.

Hiccup would open up to Jack eventually. Somehow, she just knew it.

"Do you have…any idea what's wrong with him? Why he's so calm but still isolates himself?" Jack asked her.

Yes. She had an idea. But if it was actually true, it wasn't good at all.

"I…I don't understand what it's like to be tortured but…I have a theory about why he's doing this." she started hesitantly.

"What is it?"

She sighed a little.

"Hiccup knows we're all here for him…that he isn't alone but…because of his past, his first emotional response to a difficult emotional problem is to isolate himself and be alone with his thoughts, because that's all he knew how to do before he had any friends who cared about him…and…I think he's so calm and he's isolating himself because…he somehow feels bad about himself right now. He's come a long way in trusting his friends with his problems but there are still some things that he really struggles with and he usually only isolates himself without telling us why, when it's one of those things…so…maybe he blames himself." she explained, waves of sadness crashing inside her. She could feel a few tears begin to blur her vision but she quickly pulled herself together and got them to disappear again. Now wasn't the time for even more crying.

Jack's forehead instantly furrowed and his eyes narrowed a little in confusion.

"How could he possibly blame himself?" Jack asked her.

She wasn't sure about the answer to that question. She didn't know why he would blame himself, she just knew that he sometimes fell into self-loathing and blamed himself for difficult situations, even if it wasn't his fault.

Hiccup's Viking background definitely didn't help on this problem. Of course none of his fellow Vikings would ever see him as weak for being tortured but those ridiculously high standards of strength that was so ingrained in Viking culture might actually make Hiccup believe that he was weak for not being able to withstand it…for being put in such a horrific, painful situation without being able to do something about it.

"I don't know…I just…think that's why he wants to be alone." she replied, unable to keep the sadness out of her voice.

"Really?" Jack asked, biting his lip in worry.

"Yeah…he's holding something back and putting up those walls again." she said and then shook her head a little from the depressing situation they were all in right now.

However, she sighed in relief at the soft words that left Jack's mouth next.

"Well…I'll have to try to break them down then."

---

Some nights were made for solitude. This was one of them.

Cold rainwater tracing a hundred tiny rivers down Hiccup's clothes, his hair, his skin. Sitting on drenched earth, wet, squishy grass wetting his trousers. Head drooping. Soaked locks of hair dripping. Green eyes taking in red skin on hands, touched by harsh winter wind and cold water. Breaths leaving his mouth in wispy, pale mist, trailing towards the dark, grey heavens, like ghosts trying to escape from him.

He shouldn't be sitting here.

Rainwater drummed on branches and logs and slammed against rocks. Droplets splashed into puddles, leaving ripples, becoming one with their brothers and sisters in a collective mass. Chilly wet beads thudded against leaves and blades of grass before slowly gliding towards their true destination, leaving wet trails in their wake. It was nature's own soothing music.

He should be inside in the warmth. Or at least in the cave where it's dry.

His clothes were heavy on his body, clinging tightly to his skin with their unpleasant, wet grip like they were attempting to fuse together with his body. They had begun to drip little droplets of their own, aiding the skies in guiding the cold water towards the ground.

He should be cold. But he wasn't.

Many people didn't like rain. He was not one of those people. Rain was peaceful. Purifying.

There was life in the rain.

Those glassy drops nurtures everything…grass, trees, crops, animals…everything essential to make life continue. Most people tended to forget that. They complained that rain is cold and wet, that it's not practical for picnics or a day at the beach but…rain is nourishment for the world. It travels through the skies, down everything in its way…branches, rocks, leaves, buildings, people to get to the ground and sate the thirst in the soil. It can form into long, narrow channels rushing across the earth with its own little current, it can shape big or small pools on the ground - waterholes for animals and plant life alike, it can cascade across edges, almost resembling tiny waterfalls.

Rain flows and hums with life.

He leaned his head backwards and closed his eyes. Raindrops splashed onto freckled skin, trailing down his face in wet, uneven lines. Every little bead of water landing gently on him was soothing. It was relieving to feel something else. Something besides those dark, exhausting emotions scraping and scratching inside his mind, like sharp cats' claws on asphalt. If his head was a room, the wallpaper these days would be shredded to pieces by now, the underlying walls filled with crisscross patterns from destructive paws.

Cold droplets softly landed on his mouth, some of them slipping through his slightly parted lips.

This was a gentle shower for his soul. Rain always somehow seemed to be able to temporarily wash away the outer layer of his pain, numbing him a little just for a brief moment. He had done it so many times back on Berk before he met Toothless...gone out into the pouring rain and just sat there getting soaked, feeling the chilly, purifying droplets trail down his skin.

He inhaled and exhaled deeply, a pale fog leaving his mouth.

He knew he should be crying. He should be screaming. He should be lashing out at people.

He should be going through several psychological stages. That would be the normal way to react after what he'd been through.

But he wasn't doing that. He wasn't normal. He went straight to one stage and stayed there.

He leaned his head slightly forwards again. Wet drops stuck in his eyelashes. His brown hair hung in clumped sections, soaked and dripping.

All people are damaged in one way or another. Some are lucky enough to barely have any scars at all… they've been so fortunate as to not have too many horrible experiences. Others barely have any unaffected patches of skin left…they're filed with damaged, jagged lines and shapes.

It all depends on what you've seen in your life and how you've managed to handle it…or not handle it.

But damage in a person's mind doesn't just happen from one day to the next. It builds up over time. It sneaks up on you.

At first you don't even notice it at all. The signs are so tiny and elusive that you don't discover that a seed has been planted in your mind.

Then you begin to notice you're different than you used to be. Your way of thinking, your emotional responses, your actions…they have changed somehow. The seed has begun to sprout, tiny vines with sharp leaves.

And then, there's the final step. The seed has spread its long tendrils. You acknowledge that the damage is not some foreign object but has become a part of you. You recognize its presence but now it just seems natural. It's changed you. It's become a part of you.

That doesn't mean the damage can never be changed. Some people are able to lessen its presence in time.

His own emotional damage made him wary of strangers, suspicious of their intentions. It made him fall into self-loathing sometimes and doubt his abilities. It made it difficult for him to ask for help and to open up when he had emotional issues. It made him isolate himself. It was unhealthy but at least he didn't lash out at others. He directed his pain inwards.

He was not a dramatic person. He was not one of those people who wanted attention or pity…who wanted to be seen as a victim and have everyone say how awful it was for them. No. He didn't want any of that. He wasn't a victim or someone people should feel sorry for.

That wasn't the same as denying the damage though.

It was there. He was well aware that it was within him and had been there for years. That was not some new epiphany to him. After all…how could it not be there? His past had left emotional scars.

He was no stranger to analyzing himself. He did it on a regular basis and he knew what was going on in his mind.

He was running.

Running from questions. The questions his friends desperately wanted answers to in order to help him, the questions all the students (no matter if they had even ever spoken to him) were so curious and gossipy about.

He didn't want to answer those questions.

In the past, his feelings had never been respected. They had even been ignored or mocked. It became easier to process them through isolation and then push them down than to express them to people who wouldn't understand anyway and who might even mock him for it, damaging his self-esteem more than it already was. He had learned that sharing his thoughts and feelings led to humiliation or annoyance from his fellow Vikings, so it made sense that he still had trouble with it now, even though things had changed. After all…it had been about two and a half years since he met Toothless. He was going to keep trying to work out his problems. Try to become better at trust and opening up. But two and a half years doesn't simply erase the fifteen years that came before them. It would take time.

The drops from the dark grey heavens had now soaked his clothes completely, reaching their cool touches onto his bare skin. The water had traveled through his thin, brown jacket, his black trousers and green shirt. He could feel droplets trickle down his bare skin underneath the clothes, gently flowing over pale, bumpy scars as chilly caresses.

Scars were reminders…of places he'd been, experiences he'd had, feelings he'd felt. The marks spread across his body all told stories from his life.

There was the scar on his hip from when he fell down the stairs when he was 8 years old. There were the two long scars on his stomach from when a wild Deadly Nadder's claws had grazed him, when it thought he was trying to take its eggs. There was the scar Snotlout had accidentally left on his shoulder during weapons training. And dozens of others from dozens of other situations.

And then…there were the new scars. The scars on his back, the scars on his leg. Scars that told the story of how three boys decided to torture him and slice his back and carve into his leg.

He let one of his hands glide underneath the bottom of his drenched trouser leg. His fingers brushed over the red, bumpy skin that formed letters on his shin.

He wasn't upset about the scars. It was only damaged skin. He had a lot scars already plus a missing limb, so damaged skin wasn't new to him.

But that word…he despised that word…and now he was stuck with it. Now it would forever be carved into his leg. That stung. It hurt his already bruised ego to be marked that way, as if he was a piece of cattle that had been branded.

He removed his hand from his leg and trained his eyes on the small puddle in front of him. A myriad of raindrops smashed into the dark water's surface, resembling countless tiny cannonballs being dropped into a miniature ocean.

Well…even though scars were permanent, at least they faded in time and became less visible.

He sighed a little, as the endless sounds of splashing continued to echo in his ears.

Of course he knew he had to talk to someone at some point about all of this. He might have a few issues asking for help with difficult, emotional stuff but he wasn't stupid. He was well aware that torture was something you shouldn't be processing all alone.

Images of his friends flashed in his mind.

He loathed that he was making them worry. He could see the concern, the sadness, the frustration in all of their eyes whenever they looked at him. He knew they desperately wanted to know what had happened to him so they could help him move on…

…and he loved them for that. He couldn't have asked for better friends. There wasn't a doubt in his mind that they would be there for him and support him. He just wasn't sure when he would be ready to actually tell them about what had happened. It would be beyond difficult to open up about it and reveal to them exactly how vulnerable and powerless that experience had made him feel and what sort of thoughts were currently plaguing him.

And he felt guilty about that. On top of everything else, he felt the sharp stings of guilt. He didn't want to be the reason for his friends' suffering but he didn't know how to handle any of this either.

They were pressuring him. He knew they didn't mean to. They wanted to be patient with him and that's why they never said anything that could make him feel cornered.

But…whenever their caring, concerned gazes met his, he saw that unspoken plea in their eyes: 'Please tell us. Please open up. Please let us help'.

It was unbearable. It made him feel like a victim. It made him feel worse than he already did, because he couldn't be what his friends needed. He couldn't just throw himself in their arms and sob and tell them every horrific detail of that day and of how it had affected him since then.

His mind didn't work that way. He needed time. Time alone to process. Time alone to just be openly miserable without sad, pleading eyes watching him, making the guilt churn horribly inside him. Time alone where he didn't have to think about what to say or how to appear.

Jack's and Rapunzel's eyes were the worst. Jack's blue eyes were filled with so much raw, unrestrained sadness that it broke his heart just to look at him. He felt like such a jerk for making the guy he loved suffer like that.

Rapunzel was trying to be strong for him but he could tell she was crying every day, because her eyes were always red and puffy. Seeing her like that…broken and in pain…it made him despise himself. She was his 'little sister'. He was supposed to protect her and care for her, but right now, he was the one causing her pain.

Raindrops continued to trail down his face. He reached his hands up and rubbed his face with his palms, spreading out the drops into a thin, wet layer across his skin. Then he rested his arms on his knees again.

His friends weren't the only ones worrying. His dad was sending him a letter almost every day asking questions about his condition, letting him know that he was there for him if he needed to talk about all of this. Even though he truly appreciated his dad's support, Hiccup didn't always have the energy to write back and he certainly wouldn't be able to tell his dad about what had happened. But that didn't stop his dad from sending more letters. He also continued to ask him to come home where he could be safe among the other Vikings but Hiccup refused. He was not leaving Hogwarts.

In his letter yesterday, his dad had told him that a meeting with the leaders from the three hostile tribes had been arranged. Apparently they had been reluctant to meet until his father threatened them with war if they weren't even willing to meet with him and the leaders from their ally tribes to discuss this situation. He knew his dad was determined to get to the bottom of this. To find out who was behind the attack on his son. He wouldn't stop until he found out.

To make his situation even worse, all the other students at Hogwarts knew about what had happened. Of course, they didn't know why he had been close to dying but that only increased their curiosity. Every time he went inside the castle, eyes followed his every move, studied his every expression. It was as if he was some kind of entertainment for them…something to stare at, to gossip and speculate about. Some of them even tried to get him to talk about it sometimes, like it was perfectly all right to ask someone you barely knew or had never even spoken to about their near death experience.

He already felt vulnerable these days from everything that had happened…he did not need people watching him constantly, talking about him, trying to figure out what had happened to him, when there was no way in Hel he ever wanted them to know. So he did his best to avoid the castle these days, until he could get over the worst part of this and begin to feel a little better and stronger again.

He glanced over his shoulder to the cave, where Toothless was currently sleeping close to the small fire where orange flames danced and crackled. The dragon's body was bathed in a warm light, the massive black chest and back rising and falling evenly.

His scaly best friend never left his side these days and for a long time Toothless had even refused to sleep as long as Hiccup didn't sleep, but in the end he had convinced the dragon to get some rest. After all, there was no reason for his best friend to suffer like that, just because he was currently having insomnia.

He was truly grateful for Toothless. It was comforting to have him by his side whenever he was dealing with something difficult that he had trouble telling people about.

He tore his eyes off the black, sleeping form of the Night Fury and returned to watching the drops disturb the water in front of him.

He was exhausted and yet he couldn't sleep. His mind wouldn't stop constantly going in all directions. Images and thoughts would keep appearing over and over again. He would think about who could possibly have helped McGowan and Levin get into the castle…he would see flashes of blood, of damaged skin, of spiteful eyes…he would think of his dad and how everything with the hostile tribes was going to play out in the future…he would hear bits of voices saying mocking words, telling him to say 'when'…and he would think about his friends and if he was ever going to be able to let them know everything that had happened.

He rubbed his eyes, a wet fist moving over equally wet eyelids. He was soaked. Every inch of him was drenched, down to the smallest freckle and the last strand of hair on his head. Somehow though…that was kind of liberating.

Gods, he wished he could just sleep. His entire body was weak and exhausted. He felt fragile and his mind was beginning to get more and more clouded due to the lack of rest. Unfortunately he didn't have any more Dreamless Sleep potions. He would have to go to the castle soon and get some more, if he didn't manage to sleep by himself soon.

It didn't help his insomnia that even though his wounds had mostly healed, he still had headaches and muscle spasms sometimes. They were common side effects of the Cruciatus curse that would hopefully go away in time. The curse attacked a person's nervous system and for some people it left permanent damage, while others were more fortunate and had their symptoms disappear after a while.

Hopefully he would be one of the so-called 'fortunate' people, although he didn't like using that term in this context. He couldn't really label anyone who'd been under the Cruciatus curse as 'fortunate'. They would be scarred forever in one way or another.

He leaned over a little, wet, chilly clothes sticking to his body, reaching out a hand towards the puddle in front of him. He dipped a finger in the cold water and then began to trace nonsensical patterns in the dark blue surface, aiding the tiny cannonballs in creating chaos in the puddle.

He knew he would get through this at some point but it was going to be difficult. It would be a cold struggle through a raging river, fighting against the violent current and the crashing waves, when it was just a lot easier to let go and allow the strong waters to carry you away.

He wasn't going to give up though. He would fight it.

He stopped making patterns in the water with his fingers and just sat back on the wet, cold grass. He blew out a gust of air from his mouth and watched the pale mist float into the dark sky.

Several people he didn't know had already tried to comfort him with their friendly but frustrating words and gestures. Rapunzel and Fishlegs had gathered all the cards, candy and various other stuff people had left on a table outside the hospital wing and thrown it out. He didn't want anything to do with it. All those people meant well, but to him it was invasive that they were interfering with this horrible situation he found himself in, when they didn't even know him.

Madam Simmons, madam Whitleys young assistant in the hospital wing, suddenly entered his mind and he frowned as he remembered what she had said to him as her own way of trying to comfort him. When he had left the hospital wing, she had given him a bunch of pain killing potion to help with the side effects of the curse. She had smiled softly at him, her brown eyes clearly conveying the sympathy she felt but then she had said those words….that frustrating saying that people had a tendency of telling those who were going through something incredibly difficult. She had meant well but it was the last thing he had wanted to hear.

Time heals all wounds.

What a load of shit.

Only a person with no serious emotional wounds would say that. A damaged person would recognize that saying for what it was: an empty, faulty promise that had no roots in reality.

Time doesn't heal all wounds.

Time soothes the pain. It makes the wounds more tolerable to live with. It clots the blood and closes the skin up, but what you're left with isn't fully healed flesh.

It's scar tissue.

He ran a hand along his stump on top of his drenched trousers. Underneath was plenty of scarred skin where the rest of his leg had been bitten off.

Emotional scar tissue wasn't really that different from the physical kind.

The pain becomes a dull ache in time. Sometimes it might even almost be gone. But it will never truly disappear. The scar tissue remains. Bumpy, damaged skin on the body. Bumpy, damaged areas of the mind.

Time makes the pain lessen. It doesn't heal the wounds.

---

The blue Converse shoe on Jack's left foot tapped quickly on the old stone floor, his leg bouncing up and down, expressing the restlessness he felt within him.

He was sitting on the floor, leaning his back against one of the stone walls by the entrance to the Ravenclaw common room, by the end of the long, spiral staircase that led upwards through the Ravenclaw tower.

He had waited here for hours now, doing nothing but stare ahead into nothing, tapping his foot on the stone and getting lost in his thoughts. It didn't matter how long he had moved his foot up and down, creating those impatient sounds on the floor, he still kept tapping. He had too much nervous energy, too many worries inside him to sit still.

Ravenclaw students had entered and left the common room on a regular basis during the morning hours but now it had been a long time since Jack had seen anyone. It was the weekend, so that wasn't unusual. Students preferred to spend their weekends out of the common rooms.

He let his head droop a little and watched his blue shoe continue to tap on stone, the sound echoing just a little bit.

He knew Hiccup had to return here some time, since all of his things were here. He didn't know how long it would take, but he would wait for days if that turned out to be necessary.

He was done watching Hiccup isolate himself, not getting any answers, not being able to help. He wasn't having it anymore. He and the others had been patient for long enough. They had given Hiccup his space because he obviously needed it, but as time went by it was becoming more and more unhealthy for Hiccup to just be alone with his issues.

Hiccup needed to talk to someone about what had happened to him. He was well aware that his Viking friend might not be able to tell him about it but as long as he spoke to someone, Jack would be content. All he wanted was for Hiccup to get through all of this.

He lifted his head as he heard slow footsteps coming from somewhere down the spiral staircase. God, he hoped it was Hiccup. His heartbeat quickened and nervousness began to stir inside him. He desperately wanted to help Hiccup but his reaction to being ambushed like this would be unpredictable.

Jack flew to his feet, when he watched a head of familiar brown hair come into view. Hiccup was walking slowly up the stairs, clearly exhausted, his face devoid of any emotion. He looked even worse than the last time Jack had seen him. Toothless in his cat shape followed closely behind Hiccup.

When Hiccup lifted his head and spotted Jack in front of the entrance to the common room, he stopped dead in his tracks.

Time stood still as they just watched each other, blue eyes locked with green ones, waiting for the other to react in some way.

Then Hiccup sighed and continued on his way up the last steps until he was standing in front of the portrait.

"Hiccup…we need to talk." Jack said, attempting to make it sound firm, with no room for discussion.

Hiccup didn't make eye contact or reply but just mumbled the answer to the riddle the portrait had posed. It swung to the side, revealing the large Ravenclaw common room.

Hiccup made his way inside the large blue and grey room with the painted dome ceiling and headed towards the staircase to the dormitories. Jack quickly followed him, not deterred by Hiccup's lack of response.

The stairs creaked underneath his weight as he ascended the steps, closely behind him and the black cat. Hiccup quickly found the door to the room he and Fishlegs shared with two other boys and he pushed it open and walked inside. Jack followed him and then closed the door behind them.

Hiccup threw his black satchel on the floor next to his four-poster bed and then turned around to face Jack. Toothless jumped onto Hiccup's bed and sat down, watching Jack with those very green, intelligent eyes.

Hiccup's eyes were trained on the floor. His face was tired, dark circles under his eyes, but he wasn't expressing any emotion. He looked like he was numb inside, like he wasn't affected by anything at all but Jack knew that wasn't true.

"Hic…" he said softly, slowly approaching Hiccup.

Hiccup lifted his gaze and observed him, Jack now standing in front of him.

Jack felt a slight sting of hurt when he saw that those green eyes were guarded…like they were protecting a secret from an intruder. It had been a long time since he had last seen that look in Hiccup's eyes.

Then Hiccup broke the eye contact and let his eyes watch the wooden floorboards again.

Jack sighed. This wasn't going to be easy.

"Hiccup…can't you see what you're doing to me? To all of us….you're killing us with this. We all want so badly to help you….to be there for you…but you won't let us."

He made sure to speak softly and gently, not wanting Hiccup to feel like he was being interrogated or verbally attacked. He needed Hiccup to understand that he wasn't angry or somehow blamed him…that he was just sad and desperate to help him.

Hiccup looked at him once more and his tired green eyes became pained by the words. As Jack had expected, the thought of hurting his friends was agonizing to him and even though he didn't like that look Hiccup's eyes, he was hoping that maybe…just maybe…it could lead him to open up.

"Please Hiccup…just…trust me, won't you?" he pleaded with him.

Hiccup sighed in what appeared to be a mix of exhaustion and frustration. Jack could tell that his resolve was crumbling. Hiccup had kept up his isolation long enough that it had taken a serious toll on him. He was worn down. He just needed a little push or two more to open up…

Hiccup ran a hand through his brown hair in a quick, tired gesture and kept observing him with dull eyes without responding. Besides the fatigue, his face still didn't reveal any emotions.

Jack took a step closer to him.

"Hiccup…you're not alone anymore. I just…you mean so much to me. Please let me help you. It's breaking me down to see you like this." he told him in a moment of pure, raw honesty. He really wanted Hiccup to understand just how much this was affecting him as well.

Hiccup bit his bottom lip and then he let his palms slide down his face in an exhausted move.

When his eyes met Jack's once again, Jack could tell that it had worked. He could practically see the emotional walls crashing down in Hiccup's deep green eyes.

"Jack…I've…been through a lot." Hiccup spoke and it was the first time in days that Jack had actually heard his voice. God, how he had missed his voice…

"I know…" he replied quietly. "You should never ever have been through that kind of pain…it's understandable that you're having trouble dealing with it."

Hiccup shook his head weakly.

"No…Jack…please don't do that." Hiccup protested quietly.

Jack was immediately confused. "What?"

"Don't do that whole 'I understand your pain' thing…I know you mean well, but…you don't understand." Hiccup explained.

Of course he was right. Jack didn't have the faintest idea what it was like to be tortured and what kind of emotional damage someone would have to deal with afterwards…but no matter what it was that Hiccup was going through, Jack would be there by his side.

"You're right." he agreed softly. "I don't…but I want to."

Hiccup watched him in silence but his eyes were no longer guarded. Jack had broken through the walls and all there was left now was raw emotion swirling in forest green irises.

But Hiccup was still holding back. He didn't make any move to speak. Jack knew he needed one more push.

"Please tell me…you need to talk to someone about it." he said, trying his best to maintain that almost impossible balance of gently pushing Hiccup to open up but not push him so much that he would become guarded and defensive again.

The silence hung in the air between them for a few moments. Jack's breathing had become a little erratic from the nervousness bubbling inside. This was a delicate, unpredictable situation. He had no idea what you were supposed to say and not say to someone who had been tortured. He was doing his best to be understanding and yet insistent.

"I know…" Hiccup then said in resignation.

The nervous bubbling immediately started to subside. He had a way in now. Hiccup hadn't closed off. He had recognized that he did need to talk. That was good. That was progress.

"Can you…talk to me about it?" he asked him with a tiny glimmer of hope.

He really wanted Hiccup to let him help him but…if not, then he should at least talk to Rapunzel and Fishlegs…or a professional. Just someone.

Hiccup's green eyes burned into his skin for a few moments. The sudden revelation of emotions shining in them made them intense to look at. It was such a stark contrast to the dull, emotionless eyes he had seen before.

Hiccup's eyes seemed to search his own for something and Jack knew that look all too well. It was the look of Hiccup deciding whether or not he should let him in. He had found himself in this situation so many times in their friendship that he had lost count. Now though…it was the most important time ever.

Hiccup suddenly bent down and began rolling up the trouser leg covering his good leg in response, nimble hands working on folding up the fabric.

Jack watched in confusion but nevertheless with the attention of a hawk. He didn't know what he was about to see but Hiccup was obviously trying to show him something…trying to open up to him.

As Hiccup's slender fingers worked on rolling up the black trousers, the skin on his leg was slowly exposed.

Jack stopped breathing. His blue eyes became wide, as he just stared at Hiccup's leg for a few moments, completely speechless.

Not only were there long, red lines here and there on the leg, clearly from something sharp slicing the skin open but…

…across the shin, red, scarred skin formed letters that spelled out "CRIPPLE."

Jack exhaled.

"Those bastards…" he whispered and he felt a few unshed tears invade his blue eyes with their warm, stinging presence. He was in a strange limbo between depression and rage. He wanted to sob and yet destroy something. "You're going to be carrying that around for the rest of your life."

"I know…" Hiccup said, sounding oddly calm about that. Once again, Jack did not like that. It just…wasn't a normal response to something like this.

"I'm sorry Hiccup…if I had known they'd done that…no wonder you've been isolating yourself lately." he told Hiccup, shaking his head a little to himself.

"That's not the reason."

"What?" he asked in confusion, furrowing his forehead. What was Hiccup talking about? How could it not be that? He instantly felt nausea roiling in his stomach. There were obviously more horrific details to all of this.

Hiccup remained silent for a few moments. When he spoke again, his voice was steady but Jack could clearly sense the underlying vulnerability.

"You asked me to let you in…so that's what I'm trying to do but…it's not the scars." Hiccup said quietly, eyes downcast.

"I don't understand…is it because you almost died? Or because the hostile tribes are trying to kill you?" Jack asked, sensing that dread and fear creep into his gut just from saying the words. Someone wanted Hiccup dead…he still couldn't fully believe that horrific truth.

"No…" Hiccup began. "Jack, it's…I'm a Viking…I have plenty of scars already…and I've been close to dying before and…of course I'm worried that some of the tribes want to get rid of me but it's not that either." Hiccup trailed off and became silent, brown eyebrows lowered, pink lips in a thin line.

Jack's mind was in pieces. What else could there possibly be to all of this? He didn't understand how Hiccup could so easily let go of the scars, the near death experience and the thought that someone wanted him dead and yet…still have something else affecting him so much. What wasn't he telling him?

"Then what is it?" he asked Hiccup, absolute dreading the answer that would come. It had to be horrible. "Is it the pain you went through?"

Hiccup took a few moments, obviously collecting his thoughts, so Jack waited patiently even though he was feeling the anxiety tickle his insides in that unpleasant, nauseating way. Twisting. Squirming.

"The pain was…unbearable…but once it was gone again…it didn't hurt me anymore. It hasn't…mentally scarred me." Hiccup explained, meeting his eyes now.

Jack remained silent, not knowing where this was going at all. He didn't know how to respond.

Apparently Hiccup was well aware of that, since he spoke again, not waiting longer for an answer.

"Jack…." Hiccup continued. "When the pain and the realization that I almost died was gone…do you know what stayed with me?"

"No."

"The shame..." Hiccup answered, a trace of bitterness lacing his voice.

"Shame?" Jack asked in disbelief, wanting Hiccup to explain, as he didn't understand any of this. What could Hiccup possibly be ashamed of?

Rapunzel had been right. Hiccup did feel bad about himself and that's why he'd been pulling away from all of his friends except Toothless.

Hiccup nodded weakly, green eyes conveying fragility and strength all at the same time.

"I can live with pain…and almost dying…but…they used me…like some kind of plaything. They held me down and did whatever they wanted to me, and I couldn't…I couldn't do anything. They made me completely powerless. They took away my control over my own body and my own life…" Hiccup explained.

"And that's the worst part of all of this. I was being used…humiliated…hurt…for someone's sick amusement and greed…and I was helpless and I…hate that." Hiccup finished, almost spitting out the last two words.

Jack could sense the self-loathing behind the words and it made his heart ache. This was why Hiccup had been so calm all this time. He had fallen into self-loathing and shame, not fear or anger or panic.

"Hiccup…I'm so sorry…" he began, not having the slightest idea how words could ever comfort Hiccup right now. Hiccup's ego was already bruised and this had only torn old wounds wide open and made them bleed again.

"But you're not weak, okay? I know that's what you're thinking…but no one could have done anything in that situation. You were outnumbered, they had wands and you didn't and they made sure to injure you, before they even showed themselves." he explained, the words quickly rolling off his tongue in his attempt to bring Hiccup comfort.

"I know." Hiccup replied. "And I've told myself that a hundred times already…I know it but…that still doesn't take away that feeling of being violated…and helpless. It's…you can't possibly understand how degrading and shameful it is to have all of your control and power over yourself taken away like that…to be completely at the mercy of someone who is hurting you in the most horrible ways."

Jack felt his throat close up a little, due to the sadness streaming through his entire being.

"Hiccup…" he said. "I know I can never fully understand what you're going through but… I think anyone who's experienced what you experienced…would feel the same way. But you have nothing to be ashamed of. Nothing."

Hiccup just looked at the floor for a few moments. Hiccup bit his bottom lip and he began to blink quite quickly, and Jack knew that he was blinking away a few tears.

"Hic…" Jack said softly. "Look at me."

Hiccup slowly and reluctantly lifted his head and met Jack's eyes. Those familiar green eyes still had a few unshed tears in them, making them shine beautifully in the light.

"What happened to you and how it's made you feel…it's not fair. You never deserved any of this, but please…just let me in…just let me help you. Let me be there for you." he outright pleaded with the guy that meant the world to him.

Silence.

He and Hiccup stared into each other's eyes.

Jack felt his chest constrict from the nervous anticipation...it was like he couldn't breathe properly.

"They turned it into a game…" Hiccup then said quietly.

Jack blinked. His chest unclenched.

Hiccup was going to let him in completely.

"What?" he let out a shaky breath.

"They told me they were going to hurt me and all I needed to do was say "when" and then they would stop." Hiccup began telling him.

Jack instantly felt the nausea and the rage inside him intensify, crashing around in his gut like a storm-plagued sea smashing its waves against cliffs of unyielding rock.

That was just…no wonder Hiccup was isolating himself. He already had self-esteem issues from years of being told he wasn't worth anything, and now he had been forced to give in to what those sadistic pricks had wanted.

"But I knew it wasn't true…that they were trying to break me." Hiccup continued, voice calm and steady but green eyes still gleaming with a few unshed tears.

"What do you mean?"

"That if I had said "when" it wouldn't have made them stop and leave me alone. It would have been their cue to kill me. They wanted to mock me and humiliate me…they wanted me to beg them to stop…but I didn't."

Jack's eyes widened. "You…didn't?"

"No."

"Why? How?" Jack asked. He had assumed that Hiccup had given in…most people would have under those circumstances just to make the pain stop, even if that meant death.

Hiccup shook his head a little to himself.

"I just…" he started. "I was okay with dying because the pain was…making me want to die."

Jack winced at the words and felt a deep, intense sadness tug at his heart, as unshed tears made his vision blurry. He tried to blink them away. The thought of Hiccup wanting to die because he was suffering so much was beyond terms like 'depressing' and 'maddening' to him. It was one of the worst possible things Hiccup could have told him.

"But I couldn't…" Hiccup trailed off and broke eye contact for a little while, watching and wringing his hands anxiously. Hiccup was so exposed and vulnerable right now…it was such an unfamiliar, heartbreaking sight.

"What?" he asked. He could tell that he was so close to get Hiccup to open up completely.

"I couldn't…let them take away that last piece of me…the only power I had left…that I could die knowing I didn't give them what they wanted. That I didn't break." Hiccup told him quietly, looking at the floor.

A single tear slowly trailed down Jack's pale cheek and he didn't bother wiping it away. He wanted Hiccup to understand how much his heart was breaking for him right now.

"Hiccup…" he whispered, his voice almost trembling.

When Hiccup lifted his head and looked at him, those green eyes conveyed such sadness that it was agonizing.

Jack couldn't take this anymore. He couldn't stand Hiccup's suffering. He needed to do something, anything, to make it just a little better.

He quickly covered the few feet between them and pulled Hiccup into a warm, safe hug, wrapping his pale arms tightly around Hiccup's midsection. Hiccup hesitantly put his arms around him and hunched forward a little to rest his chin on Jack's shoulder. The warmth and the scent of their bodies brought each other comfort.

Jack began to gently stroke the back of Hiccup's head, fingers gliding through soft, brown hair. He let his other hand softly roam across Hiccup's back in soothing movements.

God, how he loved him…he loved him so much and his heart felt like it might shatter from the pain that Hiccup was going through…like a piece of ice smashed against the ground, tiny, clear, shimmering pieces scattered across earth. All he wanted was to make it better…to get Hiccup to understand that he wasn't weak and that he was never alone. Jack would always be there for him. Always.

Those three powerful words were so close to rolling off his tongue but he held himself back. He didn't want Hiccup to hear it like this…when he was exhausted and vulnerable. It wasn't the right time.

They kept standing like that, arms binding each other together, as Jack gently got Hiccup to finally open up to him completely, using more soothing words of reassurance to let him know that no matter what had happened to him and what problems he was now dealing with, Jack wouldn't turn away from him. He would help him get through it.

And in that deserted room with the four-poster beds with blue curtains and bedspreads, the Ravenclaw banners and the large arch windows, Hiccup ended up telling him everything.

He told him about the Cruciatus curse and how it had felt (and Jack was so incredibly close to crying in that moment because it was said that the pain of that curse was enough to drive many people mad), about every mocking and humiliating word they had said to him, about them carving into his leg and then later moving on to slicing cuts in his back, about the thoughts he'd had when he was sure he was going to die, about the thoughts he was having now. Everything.

Jack just held him tight, listened to him and rubbed slow circles on his back to give him comfort and support. He tried his best to focus and not let more tears fall even though he was feeling heartbroken by the fact that someone had harmed the person he loved in such cruel, horrific ways. He needed to be strong for Hiccup, so he kept his breathing steady and quickly blinked away any beginnings of blurry vision.

His sense of time became warped. He had no idea how long he stood there, hearing Hiccup softly speaking, letting him in on every single horrifying detail, and him holding Hiccup close to him, sometimes squeezing him extra tight when something particularly awful was revealed.

When Hiccup stopped talking, Jack still kept his arms around him, not willing to let the guy he loved go. He knew it was stupid because obviously he couldn't hold on to him forever, but he just felt that protective instinct completely taking over him. The warmth and the closeness between them in this moment comforted him and he was sure it comforted Hiccup too.

"Hic…?" he asked quietly, resting his chin on Hiccup's shoulder.

"Yeah?" the soft reply sounded.

"Thank you for telling me…for letting me in."

A few seconds of silence.

"You were right, Jack…I needed to talk about it." Hiccup said and he sounded less troubled now, which warmed Jack's heart.

"I hope it helped just a little…"

"It did but…it's going to take some time before I can put it all behind me." Hiccup replied quietly.

"Of course…just…just know that I'm here for you. No matter what, I'm here."

"I know…thanks, Jack." Hiccup's voice said and the appreciation and fondness was evident in his tone.

"You need to remember that you're only human, Hiccup. Stop putting so much pressure on yourself."

"I thought you said I was part dragon?"

Jack smiled a little at that. "You definitely are. But even dragons feel pain."

Then Hiccup pulled away from him and broke the hug. That sense of loss instantly washed over Jack. He just wanted the warmth and closeness back, but if Hiccup needed something else right now, then that was what was going to happen. His needs came first.

When Jack saw his face again, he could tell just how exhausting it had been for Hiccup to tell him everything about that horrible day. His green eyes were completely lacking any light now and the dark circles under his eyes and the paleness of his face seemed to have become even worse than before.

"You need to get some sleep." he told Hiccup with a small, gentle smile. "You look like you haven't slept in days."

"I haven't." Hiccup told him with a small sigh.

Jack wasn't really surprised by that but it still made his heart ache to actually hear Hiccup confirm it.

"Come on. I'll stay with you." Jack told him and then grabbed Hiccup's arm and gently dragged him towards the bed.

"Jack, you don't have to-" Hiccup began but Jack immediately cut him off.

"I know I don't have to, Hic…but I want to."

Hiccup didn't respond to that but just placed himself on his bed and rested his weary head on the pillow. Hiccup pulled the covers over him and then rolled onto his side and closed his eyes. Toothless made himself comfortable by curling up above Hiccup's head on the pillow. Jack chose to sit down on the end of the bed, resting his back against one of the bedposts.

After a little while, Hiccup began to enter the world of sleep and Jack was relieved about that. Hiccup hadn't slept for days and that definitely wasn't helping him get through his current problems.

He watched Hiccup sleep for a little while, just taking in Hiccup's face that now seemed peaceful, lacking the troubles that had previously rested on the features. He listened to the even inhaling and exhaling escaping Hiccup's lips.

Jack knew it was a stupid thing to do, but he couldn't stop himself from lying down on the bed next to Hiccup on top of the covers. He made sure to keep a little distance between them. He just wanted to be with him right now. Toothless lifted his head briefly and observed him with those analyzing eyes, before the cat once again curled up and relaxed.

Even though it was irrational because they were safe here in the dormitory, Jack just wanted to make sure that nothing would hurt Hiccup now.

---

Hiccup's mind was fuzzy, the remnants of the sleeping world slowly fading away, as his eyes opened lazily and squinted from the light. He wasn't sure if he had been dreaming or not but now reality was edging into his head, his awareness of his surroundings becoming stronger.

He blinked a few times and then rubbed his eyes with a hand. His body was sunken into the soft mattress and he felt relaxed after finally getting some rest after days of insomnia. It was like his being had been replenished.

The light streaming through the large windows made the process of opening his eyes fully quite slow. For a few moments he was wondering why it was so bright. The warmth of his body heat being trapped under the covers was pleasant and soothing, making him want to go back to sleep again. He could sense a small, warm presence lying farther up his pillow and he instinctively knew that it was Toothless.

He yawned and then rolled onto his side and blinked a few times in confusion.

Jack was lying next to him, sleeping peacefully. Blue eyes closed. Snow-white hair disheveled. A pale hand gripping some of the covers.

Then it came back to him.

How Jack had been waiting for him outside the common room. How he had been too tired and worn down to keep his secrets inside any longer. How Jack had comforted him and made him feel better. How Jack had insisted to stay with him, while he got some sleep.

Apparently Jack had fallen asleep at some point as well.

He let himself just look at Jack and listen to his peaceful breathing.

Once again in their friendship, Jack had helped him deal with dark emotions raging inside him. Once again, he had been patient and understanding, never judging him. Once again, he had brought him comfort and soothed his mind. It was almost unbelievable how he always managed to do that.

He felt a little better now. More hopeful.

Was he okay? No. He needed time to be okay again after everything that had happened to him. It would be a longer process than what one talk could achieve. But…he felt happier and lighter, as if Jack had grabbed some of his emotional baggage and helped him carry it.

And…

Now that he thought about it…there was something different about the way Jack had held him, stroked his hair, whispered soothing words to him.

It was the most intimate contact they had ever shared. There was something incredibly delicate about it and Hiccup couldn't help but think that…maybe…

Don't think that. Don't do this to yourself.

Jack doesn't share your feelings…and even if he did, you couldn't do anything about it, so push it out of your mind.

Hiccup wasn't the only one who had been affected by what had happened. All of his friends had suffered, he knew that. Obviously Jack was just relieved that he was still alive and wanted to help him with his problems.

He sighed a little to himself as he kept watching the beautiful guy next to him sleep. Jack looked so calm and content right now. His pink lips were a little parted and deep breaths left his mouth in an even pattern.

Maybe it had been a while since Jack had actually slept properly.

Gods, he felt like a jerk for making him worry so much about him. He really hadn't meant to do that…it was just so difficult to handle the shame…the weakness. It was much more tolerable for him to just isolate himself than to let someone in and share every horrible detail of what had happened that day. It was safe to shield himself and not let other people see the hurt inside.

But of course it had been Jack who had gotten through to him in the end. He always managed to get through to him. He was always able to calm down his troubling emotions.

He exhaled deeply and observed Jack, as Jack wrinkled his nose a little before his face was once again still.

He was amazing…

The way he spread fun and happiness to everyone who was lucky enough to be the focus of his attention. The way he fiercely protected anyone he cared about, never backing down no matter what the situation. The way he was open-minded and didn't judge other people just because they were different. The way he would drop anything he was doing if a friend needed his help or support. The way he kept his childish, playful side alive, awakening the inner child in others too.

He was perfection in the form of delicate pale skin and shocking, white hair. There was something very unearthly about him, Hiccup often found himself thinking. The angular jaw, the high cheekbones, the flawless pale skin and white hair, the clear, deep blue eyes, the graceful slenderness of his body. Jack was all angles and flawlessness and gorgeous hues of white and blue. Forever a child at heart with the looks of some kind of stunning winter spirit.

Was that sappy?

Whatever.

To him, it was the simple truth. No one was truly perfect but even traits of Jack's that some might label as 'flaws' were beautiful to Hiccup. Like the way his focus was easily broken to make sure he didn't miss anything fun or exciting. Or how he often asked a lot of questions and sometimes interrupted people because he had kept that childish curiosity alive that most people grew out of…the eager need to uncover things, to put puzzle pieces together, even pieces that appears fairly trivial to others.

He extended his arm and slowly reached his hand towards Jack. He let his fingertips gently flow through Jack's snowy hair, being careful not to actually touch his skin and wake him up. The white strands were like delicate feathers brushing against his sensitive fingertips. Gods, he loved that hair…it always reminded him of soft, shimmering snowflakes and glowing moonlight.

He pulled his hand back again and put it down, letting it rest on the soft covers.

Friendly touches. Glances. Daydreaming. Longing.

He would never have more than that. He would never know how Jack's lips would taste and feel against his. He would never be able to let him know just how much he meant to him.

…and that made his heart ache. He wanted more. He wanted Jack to be his. He wanted to be able to love him openly…and be loved by him in return.

…but that could never happen.

He let his eyes drift over flawless skin…black eyelashes fluttering slightly…dark eyebrows lowered in relaxation…a few locks of white hair resting across a pale forehead.

At least he could still have Jack around…even if they would always just be friends and nothing more. He needed him to be in his life.

He sighed a little to himself.

"þú át hjartað mitt, Snærflekkr. [You have my heart, Snowflake]" he told Jack softly, only receiving the sounds of Jack's even breathing in reply.

He closed his eyes and let the darkness lead him back into the sleeping world.

---

It was strange how the world seemed brighter now.

So many different voices were ringing through the air of the corridor, eagerly laughing or talking. The straps of Jack's heavy backpack filled with thick textbooks and other school supplies were digging into his shoulders. His head was throbbing from the warmth that had pressed in on him from all sides in the filled classroom he had just left. He was tired after a long day filled with classes, back aching and attention span broken.

And yet…he was happy. Because Hiccup was making progress.

Jack had gone back to classes earlier than planned. He'd actually still had a few days left where he wasn't expected to show up after everything that happened to Hiccup but…he was getting behind on everything school-related, homework and assignments had been piling up, the stack only getting bigger and bigger, and since Hiccup was doing better now and seemed to be through the worst part of all of this, he felt reassured that it was okay to go back to school. Flynn, Merida and Mavis had all joined him, while Fishlegs and Rapunzel still spent their days with Hiccup, something that also made Jack feel more at ease, since Hiccup wouldn't be alone while he and the others were in classes.

He picked up the pace, his feet swiftly carrying him across the stone floors. He was eager to meet up with his friends by their usual spot by the lake. His head was screaming for fresh air, his brain was begging for something fun and his heart was aching to see Hiccup.

Beautiful warm rays of late afternoon sunlight streamed through tall arch windows, orange and yellow beams making the stone corridor almost glow. Tiny specks of dust glided slowly through the light, dancing with hundreds of their kind.

He navigated effectively through the waves of students in the passageway, heading towards one of the exits of the large castle. The noise around him was almost unbearable and if he didn't get outside soon, his headache would quickly become a lot worse.

Through the crowd of different heads of hair, different eyes, different heights and weights and skin colors, he spotted a very familiar Viking. Even with his back turned, walking farther ahead, Jack would recognize Hiccup anywhere.

He briefly wondered why Hiccup had his satchel with him, but came to the conclusion that Hiccup was probably heading towards the Ravenclaw tower to pick up some books and drawing supplies.

After all…He had made a deal with Hiccup.

Hiccup would stop isolating himself but whenever he needed a break from socializing, he would just say so. Then he could move away just a little and keep himself occupied with sketching or reading a book, while the rest of them kept talking and having fun without trying to pressure him. Then he could join them again whenever he was ready. Jack was satisfied with that compromise…this way, Hiccup could get some breaks from interacting with people when he needed it but at the same time he wouldn't be alone and they could all keep an eye on him.

He continued his quick strides across the stone floors, maneuvering between other students heading in different directions. He wanted to catch up to Hiccup and walk with him to get whatever he wanted to get from his dormitory before they met up with the rest of their friends.

Jack suddenly spotted a tall, dark-haired Hufflepuff moving through the crowd to his left. He was clearly heading for Hiccup as well and he instantly felt the annoyance bubble inside him.

Oh hell no.

He picked up the pace and had soon gained on the Hufflepuff, so they were almost walking next to each other.

Sam apparently saw him in his peripheral vision, because he turned his head and their eyes met. The Hufflepuff's forehead furrowed. Then he suddenly grabbed Jack's arm and dragged him to the side of the corridor where a door to an empty classroom was open.

Sam pulled him through the door and into the abandoned room, where only the sounds of a few birds in a cage could be heard.

"What are you doing?" he asked Sam, unable to keep the irritation out of his voice, as he ripped his arm out of the Hufflepuff's grip.

Sam turned to stand face to face with him and remained silent for a few moments, seemingly searching his eyes for something. Jack didn't like this.

"Jack." Sam began to speak, his voice calm and steady. "Why do you keep trying to stop me from talking to Hiccup?" the Hufflepuff asked him and crossed his arms.

Because I love him and I don't want you trying anything with him.

Yeah…he couldn't exactly say that.

"Hiccup doesn't like getting hit on or strangers approaching him. It makes him uncomfortable." Jack replied, trying his best to put up that confident and casual front.

"Oh, I see. So you're just protecting your friend?" Sam asked him and his blue eyes narrowed skeptically. He obviously didn't believe him one bit.

"Yeah." Jack shrugged. "People only approach Hiccup when they want something from him and I'm tired of that. Hiccup doesn't like it and he doesn't deserve having to deal with it all the time." Jack said, maintaining eye contact with the Hufflepuff. He was not going to back down first.

A little, amused smile appeared on Sam's lips.

"You know…I seem to recall that you and Hiccup weren't friends at the start of the school year. Ergo, you were a stranger who approached him because you wanted something from him. His time. Now you're stopping me from doing the same thing." the Hufflepuff told him with obvious disapproval.

"That may be so, but I don't want Hiccup to feel uncomfortable and you clearly make him feel that way." Jack replied and clenched his jaw. He was getting frustrated having this conversation. He felt like he was being interrogated.

"Of course I do." Sam said, which instantly made Jack feel confused. "Hiccup is shy and lacks confidence and he knows I'm interested in him. He always has trouble dealing with people who like him that way. It's in his nature." Sam told him and then tilted his head of dark hair in a strangely irritating way.

"You talk like you know him." Jack said and he knew he had been unable to keep away a hint of annoyance. This guy was pretty much a stranger to Hiccup and yet he made it sound like he was his friend or knew him on some deeper level.

"I'm not trying to pretend I know him like you do, because I don't…but I want to." Sam told him.

"Well, as his friend I'd like you to stop it."

Sam shook his head a little, as a smile tugged the corners of his lips upwards. Oh god, how that smile was annoying. It was challenging and condescending and it only made Jack even more irritable.

"Oh please…"as his friend"…I've seen the way you look at him."

What?

Oh shit…

"What are you talking about?" he asked, wrinkling his brow and covering up that sudden nervousness he felt inside. God, he didn't want Sam to know about that.

"Come on, Jack." Sam replied, lifting his eyebrows. "Other people might not notice it, even Hiccup hasn't noticed it…but I see it. You like him and that's why you're trying to keep me away from him."

"I don't know where you get that from but it's not true." Jack denied as firmly as he could.

"Yes it is." Sam said. "And obviously you're not planning to do anything about it, so you shouldn't prevent others from having a chance."

"Look…I don't know what you think you know, but I'm just trying to protect Hiccup. He doesn't like when people approach him and he's not into guys, so if you actually care about him, you'll stop making him uncomfortable. He's been through a lot lately and he's still healing emotionally, so he really doesn't need any more problems." Jack told the Hufflepuff, slowly beginning to lose his patience now.

"Calm down, Jack. I'm not going to pressure him or anything. I know he's been through…something horrible. I'm just going to talk to him…and if Hiccup's not into guys then he can tell me that himself and turn me down. I'm not going to just take your word for it."

"Why not? I'm one of his best friends."

"Yes…which is exactly why you should know that people are full of surprises." Sam replied and tilted his head a little to the other side.

Jack sighed.

He had a point. Hiccup had surprised him countless times in their friendship and there were still hidden sides to him that Jack hadn't uncovered yet.

But…surely, Hiccup wasn't into guys? There was no chance…right? He would have seen some kind of sign of it…

Did Sam see something he didn't?

"Just…if you won't leave him alone, at least don't overwhelm him." he told the Hufflepuff.

He couldn't keep Sam away from Hiccup, if the Hufflepuff really wanted to talk to him but…god, this was stressful. He was planning to tell Hiccup about his feelings but now Sam was interfering. He would need to tell Hiccup soon.

"Of course not, Jack." Sam told him with a small smile, as he began to approach the door. "And don't worry…I know you don't like me because I like Hiccup too but…I'm a nice guy. I don't go around blabbing about other people's privacy. Your secret is safe with me." Sam said and left the room, leaving him to stand there and think about what he was going to do about this.

He stood in that empty classroom for a little while, trying to wrap his head around what had just happened.

Sam knew. He knew he had feelings for Hiccup. He was a little relieved that the Hufflepuff had said he wasn't going to tell anyone but still…it unnerved him that someone who he hadn't actually told knew about it.

He would need to figure out how to tell Hiccup, before he was going to be consumed by the stress of all of this.

Now though…he needed to head outside and meet up with all of his friends, including the guy he cared so much for.

He quickly made it into one of the courtyards, footsteps eagerly moving across soft, moist grass. He breathed in deep and reveled in the clean, chilly air filling his lungs. Then he exhaled and a content smile appeared on his lips. Fresh air at last. That always helped to soothe his mind.

He began to move in the direction of the lake, his fatigue beginning to subside from the thought of hanging out with his amazing friends. His feet carried him down one of the large hills, black shoes making imprints in the soft, blades of grass that were bendy and wet after an earlier rainfall.

Suddenly he heard the familiar voices of Rapunzel and Fishlegs coming from behind him, from somewhere behind the hill.

He quickly decided to hide and then jump out and scare them. He needed fun right now and it was always so much fun to scare Rapunzel and Fishlegs, because they were both seriously jumpy sometimes.

He quickly hid behind the broad tree trunk of a tall oak and waited for his two Ravenclaw friends to come down the small hill towards him.

"- but you know how he is, Fish…" Rapunzel's voice floated through the air.

Jack frowned.

She sounded concerned. Well that wasn't good.

"Yeah, yeah, I know." Fishlegs replied. "It's just…I wish I could do something to help him, when he gets all solemn about it."

Jack instantly felt worried now. They couldn't be talking about anyone but Hiccup. Why was Hiccup solemn about something? He definitely didn't like the sound of that at all. Had something happened? Had Hiccup gotten worse again after making so much progress in the last couple of days?

"I feel the same way." Rapunzel's gentle voice said. "I just…I really hope he'll be ready to be chief one day, Fish. He would be really good at it."

"I think so too." Fishlegs agreed warmly.

What the…?

Chief…? Hiccup…?

Hundreds of thoughts at once seemed to swirl inside his head and he couldn't focus on any of them as new questions continued to appear.

Puzzle pieces clicked into place in his mind.

That…that was what Hiccup was worried about. That was why he had a lot of expectations looming over him. That was why he rarely talked about his dad.

Hiccup was going to be the leader of a whole Viking tribe. That was his future…

His head was spinning now and his breathing had become irregular, quick inhaling and exhaling making his chest ache a little.

This new information was completely surreal.

And he needed answers.

Jack stepped out from his hiding place behind the tree, revealing his presence to the two Ravenclaws.

Rapunzel and Fishlegs instantly spotted him and froze in their tracks. Rapunzel's eyes were wide in horror and she clasped one hand over her mouth. Fishlegs was watching him with a genuinely sad expression on his features.

"Oh no…" Rapunzel said.

"Jack…" Fishlegs said.

"Tell me about it." he insisted, his voice firm, leaving no room for discussion.

"I guess there's no way you could just forget you heard all of that?" Fishlegs asked, although the heavy Viking obviously knew that wasn't an actual possibility.

"No." he said curtly and crossed his arms. He wanted answers. Now. "Is Hiccup the future chief of your tribe?" he asked, the idea still completely foreign and shocking in his mind.

"He is." Fishlegs confirmed quietly, fiddling a little with one of his sleeves. "His dad is Stoick the Vast, our chief….when he dies or decides to step down, Hiccup will be our new leader." Fishlegs explained.

Jack had already put the puzzle pieces together but hearing Fishlegs confirm it made it all real…and infinitely worse.

"What…?" he asked, while all kinds of thoughts were running wild in his mind. "Hiccup is…royalty?"

It was like this was a dream but…it all made sense. It all made perfect, horrible sense.

Jack also knew that this effectively killed any remnant of hope inside him that told him that maybe he and Hiccup could be together.

"Not exactly." Fishlegs said, eyes darting back and forth from him to Rapunzel.

"What do you mean 'not exactly'?"

"Chiefs aren't royalty as such." Fishlegs tried to explain, gesturing a little with his hands.

"Are they the political leaders and is this power passed down through a bloodline?" Jack asked, pretty sure he already knew the answer but…this was all completely unreal and he wasn't going to just assume anything.

"In some places." Fishlegs responded vaguely, seemingly a little reluctant.

"Is that how it happens on Berk?" he instantly asked, keeping his eyes on Fishlegs to watch any change in his expression.

"Yes, but-" Fishlegs started, but Jack didn't give him time to finish.

"Then there's not really anything to discuss." he said and then instantly spun around and headed towards the castle again with brisk steps.

"Jack!" he heard Rapunzel's voice call out from somewhere behind him. He didn't stop though. He kept going, long, impatient strides quickly covering more ground.

"Jack!" Rapunzel yelled again. "Don't go to him! He won't take it well!"

Jack ignored her.

He was angry.

Not because he felt like Hiccup owed him anything…but because it hurt that Hiccup still kept him at arm's length with something this massive. Of course he knew Hiccup still had things he wasn't sharing yet but…he'd thought that he had actually gotten through to Hiccup…that he had uncovered all the big secrets, so only the smaller, less essential ones were left.

He was wrong. So very wrong.

…and that really stung.

Did he even know Hiccup at all? He had thought he did. He thought he had collected most of the puzzle pieces but then something like this was revealed…something so…unbelievably shocking and important…something Hiccup hadn't been willing to tell him, even though it was such a big part of his life and who he was.

Jack couldn't help feeling hurt and sad and angry all at the same time.

He needed to find Hiccup now. He needed to talk to him, to find out why he was still keeping him at arm's length, apparently worrying Jack might stab him in the back suddenly.

That lack of trust…it was making him hurt so badly.

---

The strap of his black satchel hung heavily on Hiccup's shoulder. He had stuffed the bag with books, sketchbooks and pencils so he would have plenty of things to do if he needed a break from his friends down by the lake. He closed the drawer in his nightstand where he had taken the items from.

"Ready to go down to the lake, bud?" he asked the black feline resting on his blue bedspread. Toothless meowed in response and left his comfortable position, black paws softly treading across the bed towards him.

He was about to speak to Toothless again, when he heard a very familiar voice behind him from the open door.

"Hiccup."

He instantly felt the confusion and worry rise within him. Why was that familiar voice suddenly so unfamiliarly…angry?

Why was Jack mad at him? His name on Jack's tongue had never sounded angry before.

"Jack, what's wrong?" he asked, his brow furrowing in concern as he turned around and then observed Jack's tense body language.

"Why didn't you tell me you're the future leader of a whole bloody Viking tribe?" Jack asked and crossed his arms.

Shit…

"Who told you?" he asked calmly.

"That doesn't matter"

"Actually it does. I want to know who I can't trust anymore."

"Fine, no one told me, I overheard it accidentally."

Hiccup nodded slowly. "Well…what do you want me to say? It's true."

"Why didn't you tell me?" Jack snapped at him.

"Why the Hel are you so angry about this?" Hiccup asked, immediately feeling himself becoming defensive. Jack was his friend and he loved him so much, but he felt attacked right now.

"Uh, let me see….maybe because one of my best friends has been keeping a huge, important secret from me?"

"I'm not obligated to tell you everything, Jack" he said, trying to remain calm even though the need to protect himself was getting stronger.

"Oh no, you're not going make it seem like I'm being unreasonable, Hiccup. You should have told me."

"Why?" he asked, crossing his arms.

"What do you mean 'why'?" Jack asked, eyes narrowing slightly, head shaking a little to the sides.

"Why does it matter? Would it have changed anything in our friendship?" he said, wanting to know if Jack would see him differently now. He really hoped not…

He had wanted to tell Jack for a long time. He did feel quite guilty for keeping this from him. This was something a best friend should know about him but…the pressure and all the expectations looming over him like a dark cloud were so incredibly difficult to deal with and it was just so liberating that only Astrid, Fishlegs and Rapunzel knew about it. He had been conflicted about the whole thing…wanting to tell Jack but at the same time not wanting to tell him…and the longer he waited to tell him, the more frightening it seemed to become.

"No, but what-" Jack started.

"So it doesn't matter." he interrupted. He was relieved by Jack's answer, even though it was obvious that Jack was getting more agitated now.

"It does matter!" Jack exclaimed. "Bloody hell Hiccup…I thought you trusted me…and I thought I knew you…but it turns out you still think I might be out to get you."

Wow…that really stung. He had opened up so much to Jack despite their fairly short friendship, but now Jack thought he didn't trust him at all?

"Of course I don't think that, Jack. I trust you, but this was about more than trust." he tried to explain, not sure if it even made sense to anyone but himself.

Jack scoffed. "Sure it was."

"Would you just stop!?" Hiccup raised his voice. He was a patient guy but now he was actually losing that patience.

Jack shut up temporarily, but was observing him with a clenched jaw and lips in a thin line.

Hiccup sighed. "I don't have to tell you everything Jack, and I had my reasons for keeping this to myself."

"And Rapunzel. And Fishlegs. And Astrid." Jack said, gesturing with his hands in frustrated movements.

"It's not just about trust."

"You know what, Hiccup? I thought we could share really personal things with each other now…I thought we could rely on each other and let each other in but you've kept me completely in the dark on this, despite how important it is!" Jack raised his voice.

"Everyone has secrets, Jack!" he shouted in response, now feeling the anger rise within him.

"Not this kind of secret! I'm one of your best friends, you should have been able to trust me with this, so I wouldn't feel like you've been lying to me this whole time!" Jack yelled at him.

"Oh really? Because you just tell me everything, right!?" he shouted back. "No, you don't actually. What about that weird panic attack you had months ago, where you had me worried sick!? You told me you had some stuff to deal with and that you just needed to get back to normal, so I let you have your secrets, because I know that people don't always keep secrets because they don't trust you…but you can't even do the same for me now, can you?"

"Don't you dare do that. Right from the start, I've let you have your secrets! I never tried to get you to talk about dragons or your childhood or your dad or any of the other things you kept to yourself. You always told me in your own time, when you wanted to!" Jack exclaimed and began pacing angrily around the room.

"So what's suddenly different now, Jack?! Why are you so angry about this!?" he shouted and uncrossed his arms only to clench his fists tightly in frustration.

"Because you obviously don't trust me!" Jack replied, pacing back and forth.

"It's NOT about trust, Jack!"

"Of course it is, Hiccup!"

"If I didn't trust you, do you honestly think I would have let you anywhere near Toothless, huh? Do you think I would have let you help me with my phantom pains? Do you think I would have told you about my childhood, about my strained relationship with my dad? Of course not!" he explained, narrowing his eyes a little.

"Then why couldn't you tell me? I thought I knew you now!" Jack exclaimed and threw his hands in the air in obvious frustration.

"You do know me! There's more to me as a person than this!" he yelled back. He understood why Jack felt a little deceived by all of this but he did not understand this level of anger from him.

"Why couldn't you tell me about it? Why did I suddenly have to find out you've been hiding this giant secret!?" Jack shouted and stopped pacing to just look at him with his jaw clenched.

Okay, that did it. If Jack wanted to know so badly, he would know now.

"You want to know, huh? You want to know so bloody much!? Because this place is the only place where I don't have to be the chief's son! Here I'm just me! Back home I'm constantly reminded of my future responsibilities, about how I have to become a leader, someone who not only has to be a role model to other Vikings and take care of all the responsibilities for the tribe, but who also has to make unbearable decisions that could end up losing lives! Here I can just be me, without any of that!" he shouted, throwing his hands around in wild, angry gestures.

"So now you know. Are you happy now, Jack?" he asked, tired of fighting and yelling and feeling cornered.

He didn't wait for Jack's reaction.

He immediately turned around and stormed off out of the door and down the corridor, his shoes angrily slapping down on the stone floor and Toothless following behind him. He clenched and unclenched his fists by his sides and scowled at nothing in particular.

He needed to cool down somewhere after this massive confrontation. He was vulnerable and exposed right now and he just wanted to be alone.

The worst part was that he did understand how Jack was feeling. He did feel like a jerk for hiding something this big from one of his best friends, when he and Jack had shared so many personal things with each other and had grown so close. It was understandable that Jack was hurt by it but…he couldn't help being angry with him at the same time. He had completely ambushed him a few moments ago…he had felt forced to share something so personal and he was already feeling vulnerable these days, as he was slowly healing emotionally from the torture.

The longer he walked towards the destination he had in mind, the more the frustration and sadness swirled inside him. He had never fought with Jack before…it was making his heart ache and his stomach clench horribly but at the same time the irritation was still too strong right now for him to want to try and patch things up.

Well…now Jack knew the truth… and time would tell if that would actually end up affecting their friendship.

---

He didn't want to fight with Hiccup.

His chest was heaving from all the yelling and the quick, angry breaths. He had paced around a little to calm himself down after Hiccup had stormed off and now he was frozen in place, not knowing what to do at all.

He was so conflicted right now and he wrung his hands quickly to do something about his nervous energy.

He had been unbelievably hurt that Hiccup had kept him in the dark on this, but now that he had had a few moments to think about all of this, his anger had melted away. It was quickly replaced with anxiety and nausea, as he thought about how angry Hiccup had been. He had never seen him like that. Hiccup was usually so calm and collected, but he had been furious when he left.

Jack still felt hurt that Hiccup had kept this from him for so long…that he hadn't been honest about that part of his life but had been hiding it instead. He would have understood…he wouldn't have made Hiccup talk about it if he didn't want to but…at least he could have known that Hiccup was a future Viking leader. That was a big thing and it was something that a best friend should know.

But in his frustration and hurt he had pressured Hiccup.

He hadn't meant to do it. He just hadn't known what to do with that horrible emotional ache and the more frustrated Hiccup grew, the more it fed his own frustration about this situation.

They had both gotten defensive and angry and now it had spiraled out of control. Neither of them were usually the temperamental type but…they had both been more emotional than usually lately, because of everything that had happened to Hiccup.

He began putting one foot quickly in front of the other and threw the door open to enter the corridor outside the room.

He needed to find Hiccup. He needed to tell him that he didn't want to fight. He just wanted them to be okay again. They were both at fault here…he shouldn't have gotten that angry and hurt because Hiccup did have his reasons but on the other hand…Hiccup should have let him in on this, so he hadn't felt like he had been lied to all this time.

He walked as quickly as he could through the corridors without actually running, and his blue eyes darted in all directions, trying to spot that familiar head of brown hair among the scattered cliques of students who were walking through the passageways.

It was no use though. Hiccup was gone.

Jack stopped dead in his tracks and sighed. Where could Hiccup be right now? Where would Hiccup go when he was angry?

He would definitely be outside, Jack thought to himself and quickly headed towards a nearby entrance to a courtyard. He would go down to the lake to see if Hiccup was there, and if he wasn't, he would try everywhere else, if that was what it took.

He speedily covered the distance from the courtyard to some of the green slopes that led towards the massive, blue lake, ignoring a group of girls in the courtyard who were trying to get his attention. He would usually indulge anyone who wanted to talk to him, but right now, he didn't have the time or the energy. He had to find Hiccup.

He descended the large, rounded hills, swiftly moving across moist grass towards his destination. As the large, blue body of water came into view, he let his blue eyes scan the surroundings. In the distance he could see Flynn, Merida, Mavis, Rapunzel and Fishlegs sitting in their usual spot but he couldn't see Hiccup anywhere, so he began walking around the lake, knowing that Hiccup would sometimes sit down here somewhere when he needed to think or sketch – often both at the same time.

He made his way around some of the lake, past large rocks, bushes and naked trees, watching out for any sign of him.

After about 10 minutes of searching, he was beginning to think Hiccup wasn't even down here.

But then he spotted him a few seconds after.

His stomach roiled with anxiety and nervous anticipation, as he saw Hiccup sitting by the edge of the lake, watching the water's surface intently. His brows were furrowed and his lips were a thin line as he scowled at the water, as if the whole world had hurt him. Toothless was sitting beside him, nudging Hiccup's side gently in an obvious attempt to comfort him.

Jack was a little worried that Hiccup would be angry once he spotted him, but there was no going back. He needed to talk to him. They needed to fix this so they could be all right again.

He began slowly approaching Hiccup and he immediately knew when Hiccup had seen him, as he sighed deeply.

Well, that wasn't good.

When Jack was by Hiccup's side shortly after, Hiccup spoke firmly.

"Jack, leave me alone."

Hiccup was deliberately not looking at him, and even though Jack couldn't blame him for it, he still felt hurt hearing that tone of voice directed at him.

"We need to talk, Hic." he told him, trying his best to just keep his voice calm and steady to show that he wasn't angry anymore.

"I don't want to talk right now. I want to be alone." Hiccup replied, still watching the water in front of him.

"I know you pretty well, so I'm aware of that, but…I just…we need to talk about this." he said. He wasn't giving up even though Hiccup was refusing to talk right now.

"Jack, I need my space right now."

"Hiccup, come on…We were both at fault, okay? I'm sorry I wasn't more understanding before. I shouldn't have gotten so angry." he said, wanting Hiccup to understand that he regretted how he acted before and that he knew it wasn't all Hiccup's fault. They shared the blame for what had just happened between them.

"I had my reasons for not telling you." Hiccup said, his lips in a thin line.

"Yeah, I know…" Jack agreed.

"And I do trust you…and I would never think horrible things about you."

"No, you wouldn't." he replied, getting more and more nervous, as Hiccup didn't seem to budge much.

Hiccup sighed deeply. "So why did you get that angry with me?" Hiccup asked, now sounding calm, his face in more relaxed folds, as if his anger had evaporated.

"What?" Jack asked in confusion.

"Why were you so angry with me?"

Jack sighed a little.

Because I love you…because I was afraid you didn't trust me and I didn't know you at all…and because I know this means there's an even slimmer chance that I'll ever be with you.

"I just…sort of lost it, I guess…hearing something like that and realizing you didn't want to share something that important with me, even though we're such close friends." he said.

He still hadn't figured out how to tell Hiccup about his feelings and this really didn't seem like the right moment to do it.

"That's not the whole reason." Hiccup said, his green eyes now roaming across the body of water instead of staring straight ahead at one part of it.

"What are you talking about?" he asked, furrowing his forehead.

He had a bad feeling about this.

"I know you, Jack. And that's not the whole reason." Hiccup explained as he lifted his head to train his eyes on him.

"Yes it is." he said, now beginning to feel quite nervous. Hiccup was looking straight at him, seemingly analyzing him right now and that was making him feel really exposed.

"No." Hiccup then said firmly.

"Hiccup, it really is…"

Hiccup sighed and then quickly got to his feet. His green eyes burned into Jack's skin.

"If you're seriously going to be like that…screaming at me for keeping a secret but not even being willing to tell me why, then I really don't want to talk anymore." he said and then spun around and began walking at a fast pace in the other direction, towards the castle, the black cat keeping up with his quick strides.

"Hiccup, come on." Jack protested, remaining where he was.

Hiccup stayed silent and kept walking away around the lake, across the damp ground.

"Hiccup, wait!" he raised his voice.

Hiccup didn't stop.

He sighed.

"Fuck." he muttered to himself.

Then he ran after him, quickly catching up to the walking Viking.

"Just wait, okay!" he told Hiccup, now walking briskly beside him.

"No, Jack." Hiccup said. He was clearly intent on getting away from him right now to spend some time alone with his thoughts.

Jack stopped in his tracks and made a decision then.

There was no going back.

He would need to do the thing he was most terrified of, if there was going to be a chance to get Hiccup to listen to him.

He was going to have to be honest.

He was going to have to confess. Now.

His stomach instantly twisted and squirmed, protesting against the dangerous emotional territory he was about to walk in to. This could end up breaking him, but he would have to deal with the consequences later. Yes, this had the potential to crush his and Hiccup's friendship, but he didn't know what else to do and he was so tired…tired of pretending, tired of watching his words and his moves, tired of longing…

He briefly prayed to any deity that might hear him that this wouldn't end horribly.

He opened his mouth to call out to Hiccup, but no words came out. As he watched Hiccup continuing his fast, annoyed strides towards the castle, he realized that he had absolutely no idea how to do this.

What the hell was he going to do now? Words were failing him. He had never done anything like this before. It was dangerous and completely terrifying.

He watched Hiccup's back, still moving farther and farther away.

Okay. He needed to do something.

He ran after Hiccup again, shoes squashing the wet grass underneath, and he quickly made it most of the way to Hiccup, who kept walking away briskly, not looking at him right now.

Jack was almost by Hiccup's side and he quickly covered the few remaining feet to him, the chilly winter air cooling his pale skin, a massive contrast to the nervous warmth of his rapidly beating heart.

If Hiccup wouldn't listen to him, he would make him listen. He couldn't just let him walk away.

When he was finally close enough, he reached out his arms, grabbed Hiccup from behind, fingers digging into Hiccup's shirt and spun him around in a blur. He pushed him backwards against a nearby tree, Hiccup's back connecting with the large oak trunk with a soft thud. Jack kept his grip firm on Hiccup's shoulders, holding him in place.

He was about to start talking…to form the beginnings of some kind of confession even though he had no idea how to word it and even though he was scared to death of the consequences.

But then he saw how close their faces were now and any birth of words immediately died in his throat.

Hiccup's eyes were wide and full of questions, as he stared straight at him.

Jack couldn't move. He was completely hypnotized by those irises bursting with grass green color that sparkled in the sunlight. Had they always been that green?

Time was standing still. A giant forest of redwoods could have been planted, grown to massive heights and died, while they were still standing in this stagnant bubble.

Their faces were so close to each other that every time Hiccup exhaled, Jack's lips were warmed by pleasant, hot breath.

The adrenaline was shooting into his veins. His heartbeat was speeding up like he had run a marathon. His breathing was becoming erratic, quick, short gusts of air leaving his mouth.

Oh god, this was…

Hiccup was right there in front of him…

If he could just…be brave.

Hiccup swallowed thickly, not taking his wide eyes off him. Those green eyes seemed to bore into his soul.

The moment stretched on in tense silence. He could sense something in the air. Some kind of electricity. Some kind of energy.

Neither of them moved an inch, both frozen in a mesmerizing haze. Their eyes never left each other, blue irises locked with green ones. Staring. Searching.

Hiccup's mouth opened slightly and a pink tongue licked the lips a little.

Jack's throat had gone dry. Was Hiccup silently asking him to…? Was this…?

Those lips looked so lush and soft and…god, he just wanted to…he couldn't resist it…

His pulse was racing. His head was spinning. His mind wasn't working anymore. Every rational thought in his head had shut down now. He was lost in Hiccup's wide, gleaming eyes, Hiccup's moistened lips, Hiccup's warm, intoxicating presence.

This was just too much…this was…he couldn't…he needed…

He blinked.

He must be crazy…

He shot forwards, put a hand behind Hiccup's neck and clashed his lips against Hiccup's in an insane moment of courage and need.

Hiccup immediately stiffened in shock.

Jack's eyes slid shut.

Finally.

He had waited so long for this…

Thousands of sparks crackled through his entire being and his stomach tingled in the most pleasant, excited way he had ever felt. He reveled in the warmth of Hiccup's lips. They were smooth and perfect and this was everything he had wanted.

Hiccup was still unresponsive and Jack knew he had to break the kiss, even if he was terrified of seeing a freaked out look on Hiccup's face…terrified of losing him.

He mentally prepared himself to pull away and face whatever was to come.

Then Hiccup wrapped his arms around his waist and pulled him closer forcefully, pressing their lips together harder.

Jack's heart instantly skipped a beat. Then another one.

Euphoria.

That was all he could call it.

Soft, wet lips. Thrilling shivers running through skin. Warm, sweet air being exhaled into his mouth. Arms tightly around his waist, keeping him close.

The moment Hiccup chose to kiss him back was glorious and perfect in every way. Bubbling excitement streamed through his body, making every vessel and pore overflow with affection and exhilaration. The world faded away. Nothing existed but him and Hiccup together.

Hiccup's hands began to travel up and down his back, fingertips roaming across his school uniform, digging into the fabric and the underlying skin. Their chests were pressed firmly against each other, the heat of their bodies mingling and Jack was relishing every single place they touched.

It was silent in their bubble except for the beautiful sounds of their soft, wet mouths smacking together eagerly, the quick, heated breaths leaving their lips, shirts being ruffled by wandering hands, his heart humming euphorically with almost delirious love and passion.

Their slightly parted lips glided over each other time and time again in warm, wet harmony. Their noses briefly brushed. Jack tilted his head more and began to press his lips against Hiccup's mouth more urgently in a passionate attempt to let all of his love and adoration seep into this magnificent, breath-taking moment.

He slid his hands under the back of Hiccup's shirt and let his pale fingers roam over Hiccup's firm back and down his sides. He savored the feel of his fingertips gliding over warm, smooth skin interrupted by jagged lines when they brushed over scars. Many scars. Damaged skin. But it was perfect to him in every way, because it was Hiccup's skin. Hiccup shivered a little from his touch and instantly breathed more heavily, stronger waves of warmth entering Jack's mouth, as they both smacked their lips together over and over in beautiful, demanding need.

The passion was growing stronger within him, filling his veins with fire. He reveled in the way he could feel the same desperate urgency coming from Hiccup, as he kept moving his hands across Jack's back in fiery, demanding touches and met his lips with just as much greedy thirst as himself.

His hands slid around Hiccup's waist and then found their way to Hiccup's hips. His fingers brushed back and forth over the protruding bones before gripping them tightly, making Hiccup release a little gasp into his mouth, as they continued to claim each other's lips eagerly, finding a steady rhythm now.

He kept his eyes shut, as Hiccup's hands left his back and began to flow through his snowy hair, tugging at white locks, stroking the sides of his head, digging fingertips gently into his sensitive scalp. Hiccup's fingers in his hair instantly sent pleasant ripples through his entire body and he moved his lips against Hiccup's even more heatedly in response.

This was all his longing finally being unleashed. This was his hidden feelings finally being shoved into the light after so long. This was his unbearable love-struck cravings finally being sated.

He moved his fingers upwards from Hiccup's hipbones. He held a hand on one of Hiccup's shoulders, gripping it tightly, while his other hand caressed the soft skin on Hiccup's neck and glided through the ends of brown locks.

Heart beating rapidly behind ribcage. Bursts of adrenaline through his veins. Delicate warm skin and soft hair tingling his fingertips. Nerve endings igniting with thrill. Heavy breathing floating between wet mouths, sharing the air around them.

Hiccup moved his hands down his back and then snaked them under his black cloak and white shirt. Warm, lightly calloused palms climbed up and down his back, the brush of slightly rough skin against his smooth back making Jack shudder in delight.

He was losing himself in the scents, the sounds, the feel of Hiccup. He was melting happily in Hiccup's arms. He was savoring the smell of pine and warm skin embracing him. He was letting Hiccup's heavy breathing echo in his ears. He was basking in the wet, heated sensation of their mouths claiming each other.

His head was swimming. He was diving in the great, overwhelming depths of love and passion and it was the most magnificent sea of emotions to ever exist.

Suddenly Hiccup jerked away from him, breaking that wonderful, perfect contact.

Just as quickly as it had begun, it was over.

Jack was panting, the taste and feel of Hiccup on his lips still present, while the intensity, the heat, the passion of the moment slowly evaporated and the world around him came back into focus.

As he took in Hiccup's wide eyes, his stomach filled with ice, dread creeping into his skin.

Fuck….

Had he done something wrong? Or was Hiccup going to freak out now?

"Wha-…what?" Hiccup said breathlessly, chest heaving, his green eyes filled with shock and confusion. Hiccup was flushed, a pink tint coloring his cheeks and continuing down his neck.

He wasn't sure what Hiccup was trying to say, so he remained quiet, giving Hiccup a few moments to process all of this. On the inside though…he was brimming with anxiety and he desperately hoped Hiccup wasn't going to panic about what had just happened.

They had kissed. Hiccup had kissed him back. Now that it was over, it seemed unreal…like it had happened to someone else.

He tried to steady his breathing but he continued to inhale and exhale irregularly, impatiently waiting for Hiccup to tell him what was going on in his mind.

"What...is this?" Hiccup managed to say, still a little out of breath, gesturing to the both of them.

Jack walked a few feet closer to him, as Hiccup had created a quite some distance between them when he jerked away.

He knew what he had to do, but…

Bloody hell, he was so nervous his heart was in his throat. He felt stripped down…completely exposed and fragile, like a young bird that had fallen out of the nest and was now surrounded by danger. Like a person who had been pushed in front of a crowd completely naked for them to humiliate and break down.

He stopped right in front of Hiccup, who was watching him with those deep eyes. Those eyes that seemed to be able to see right through his skin, his flesh, his bones.

He swallowed thickly, his throat now feeling hoarse and dry to the point of skin cracking from the inside.

"Hic…I…" he started uncertainly, observing those beautiful eyes that were currently so confused. Hiccup's brow was furrowed, creating a little wrinkle between his eyebrows, clearly conveying the conflicted emotions he must be feeling.

Jack hesitated for a brief moment.

He exhaled.

Then he pulled himself together.

There was no turning back now. Come on Jack…like North said, all you need is just some courage to tell him how you feel.

"There's something you need to know." he began, forcing himself to maintain eye contact with Hiccup, even though he was feeling so horribly exposed that he instinctively wanted to look away to shield himself. "I just…I've had these…feelings for you…for a while now." he explained quietly. He needed to tell Hiccup the truth, despite how terribly anxious it made him feel. "And I'm sick of trying to pretend they're not there, when they clearly are." Oh god, his heart was pounding faster and faster. "I…I can't push it down anymore, Hic. I have feelings for you and I just…I didn't say anything for so long because I was sure you didn't feel the same way about me."

There. It was out there. He could never take it back.

He tore his eyes off Hiccup and stared at the ground, nervously awaiting some kind of reaction.

He wasn't going to tell Hiccup just how deep these feelings were yet though…He really didn't want to scare him off right away by revealing he was in love with him.

That sickening anxiety pulsated inside him and he decided to look at Hiccup again to try and somehow decode his expression.

Hiccup's eyes had widened even more at his confession, and Jack immediately worried whether he had gone too far. Whether he had completely freaked Hiccup out. The nervous anticipation continued to swirl violently inside him, making him feel so horribly nauseous, as he waited for Hiccup to give him some kind of response. Any response.

Hiccup broke eye contact with him and stared at the grass for a brief moment. Jack knew he was thinking…trying to somehow wrap his mind around all of this…so he let him have that moment, even though it was killing him inside. He just wanted to know what was going through Hiccup's mind right now.

"But…how? You're…straight?" Hiccup asked in quiet disbelief, lifting his gaze to meet Jack's eyes again. He didn't seem freaked out at all, he just seemed…genuinely confused.

Thank whatever god might exist for that.

A flicker of a smile graced Jack's lips, as he observed the perplexed look on Hiccup's face.

"I thought so too…but then you came along." he said sheepishly and trained his blue eyes on his hands, wringing them a little. He didn't really want to see the shock that was bound to be evident in those green eyes.

He could feel his face burning now and he knew his cheeks must be blooming with pink.

A tiny bit of relief washed over him at the thought that he had now confessed his feelings to Hiccup after pretending for so long that there was nothing but friendship between them…

…but he was also growing more and more afraid that Hiccup would not return those feelings. The extreme self-consciousness and vulnerability made him feel like running away. He had given Hiccup the power to tear him to pieces…like a thin piece of paper floating in water, where even the smallest jab could make it disintegrate.

What if Hiccup was going to reject him now? What if this would be the end of their friendship? The thought made him sick to his stomach.

But no…he had to stay strong. Maybe there was actually a chance.

Hiccup had kissed him back. He had been just as eager as him. That must mean something…right?

The silence in the air between them stretched on, nothing but a winter breeze rustling branches and a few birds chirping reaching Jack's ears. After a few moments he carefully dared to glance at Hiccup.

Hiccup sighed and met Jack's eyes. This time, those green eyes seemed a little calmer.

"Jack…we've been really blind." Hiccup then said.

"What do you mean?" he asked.

Hiccup hesitated for a few moments, just watching him, eyes now full of insecurity. Jack could tell he was preparing himself mentally to tell him something important. Something that would make Hiccup feel fragile.

"Because I sort of…have feelings for you too." Hiccup admitted, as an adorable blush deepened the pink on his cheeks and he broke eye contact once again.

Jack blinked.

He exhaled.

Had Hiccup just said what he thought he'd said?

If he had thought he couldn't be happier when he was kissing Hiccup, he was wrong. Hiccup's confession had sent his heart into overdrive, as it was beating loudly and more and more rapid, like a drum being handed out to a bunch of hyper-active toddlers.

Hiccup had feelings for him? He liked him as more than just a friend? He actually liked him? This was…this was…unbelievable.

He felt his worries and nervousness melt away, as a bubbly happiness and warmth took its place in his chest and stomach.

"You…do?" he asked in disbelief. He needed to hear it confirmed before he dared to truly believe it. "You…you have feelings for me?"

"Yeah…" Hiccup said quietly, still not looking at him. "I've had them for a while." Hiccup told him and pulled at one of his braids.

A few moments of silence passed between them. Jack's lips parted into a huge, goofy smile and he would be unable to wipe it off his face or quell the feeling of pure, unrestrained joy in his heart, even if he had wanted to.

"You're right…we've been seriously blind." he replied and exhaled shakily.

A tiny smile appeared on Hiccup's lips but then it quickly disappeared. Hiccup began biting his lip nervously.

Jack instantly felt those sharp, horrible claws of worry and fretting sink into him.

Please don't, Hic…please don't take it back. Please don't push me away.

"Jack, I…" Hiccup said, as he trained his green eyes on him again. "We need to talk."

No. The universe was not doing this to him now. It was not granting him the knowledge of how Hiccup's lips felt so right against his and giving him hope that he might actually have him, just to snatch it all away again. That was too cruel.

"Okay…" he said and swallowed nervously. Oh how he hoped Hiccup wasn't going to try and pull away from him now.

"Come on…" Hiccup said quietly before he spun around and began walking towards the castle.

Jack sighed to himself, before he followed Hiccup. He had no idea what to expect from this, but the anxiety was slithering inside his belly like a thick, long snake and his mind was racing, going through all kinds of scenarios of how this talk could play out.

Hopefully Hiccup wasn't going to tell him now that nothing could ever happen between them. Now that he knew Hiccup saw him as more than a friend, he couldn't stand the thought of not being with him.

That flame of hope inside him had dimmed but there was still light left, and he was desperately wishing that Hiccup would just believe that things could work out between them.

But now that he knew Hiccup had feelings for him too, Jack wouldn't just give up without a fight. He wanted to be with Hiccup and he would do everything he could to convince him to give them a chance.

---

The chilly winter air brushed against Hiccup's skin, as they walked in silence towards the castle, across the moist grass on the green hills, through one of the courtyards and into the familiar, stone corridors. Jack was trailing behind him, while he led the way towards the room of requirement, where they could have some privacy to talk. After all…that was the most private place he could think of in the magical castle. Toothless was walking quickly beside him, black paws swiftly moving across the grass.

As they made their way through the corridor, small groups of other students headed in all kinds of directions, their happy conversations and giggles ringing in the air. Hiccup hoped they wouldn't meet anyone they knew, because he really didn't want to be held up by small talk when he and Jack were about to have the most serious, vulnerable conversation they'd ever had.

The confused thoughts were shooting through his mind, as his shoes scraped against stone floors. Right now, he wasn't certain at all that this wasn't some kind of dream, because surely this couldn't actually have happened.

Jack had kissed him. He had kissed him.

He had been shocked at first, completely taken by surprise and unable to do anything, but when he pulled himself out of his trance and kissed Jack back, it was everything he had imagined it would be.

Exciting. Overwhelming. Intoxicating. Addictive. Perfect.

It was like being warmed inside out by the rays of the sun, his mind being completely fried by the bursts of love, of exhilaration, of desire. He had never wanted to let go. He had wanted him and Jack to keep kissing each other. He had wanted Jack to keep making his head spin, his heart stutter and his body tingle and shiver…and yet…as soon as a sliver of coherent thought entered his mind again, he knew that he had to let go.

They needed to figure this out, before they even considered doing anything more about their feelings for each other. Hiccup needed answers.

A part of him began to hope that this could actually happen, but another part was trying to be realistic to avoid getting his heart broken completely. He knew this was not going to be easy in any way and both he and Jack needed to consider their next move very carefully.

After walking along the old corridors for a few minutes, the hallways become more and more deserted. Jack didn't question where they were going, but perhaps he already knew. When they turned down the corridor where the room of requirement was, there wasn't a single student in sight anymore.

Hiccup thought about how they needed a place to talk away from prying eyes and the massive doors to the room quickly appeared.

He opened them, wood creaking in complaint. Then he entered the room, Jack following behind him, closing the doors again.

The room appeared as it had done the few times he and Jack had used it to hang out. It was large and warm with a big fireplace with orange flames dancing inside and the carpet, walls and furniture were mostly a mix of red and blue, Gryffindor and Ravenclaw colors. The only real difference was that instead of the usual four large armchairs, there were two spacious couches, one red and one blue.

Jack placed himself on the red one and Hiccup decided that instead of sitting across from him, he would sit down on the same couch, although on the other end of it. It just somehow seemed too strange and dismissive to place himself on the other couch, so far away from Jack. Toothless jumped on top of the other couch and curled up comfortably.

There were a few moments of awkward silence between them, as Hiccup tried to figure out how to start this. He looked at Jack, who was biting his lip and staring at one of the walls.

"Look, this is complicated." Hiccup decided to say, just to get it out there. It was more than just 'complicated' though.

"Yeah, I know," Jack replied quietly and tore his eyes off the wall and met his gaze. He could see the uncertainty and the insecurity in those blue eyes and it was so unfamiliar to see Jack that way. He felt like the biggest jerk on earth for making him feel so vulnerable, but he couldn't really see a way out of having this talk.

"What are we going do about this?" he asked, wanting to know what Jack was thinking.

Jack sighed and seemed to be mentally preparing himself to say something, so Hiccup gave him a few moments, despite that overwhelming anxiety streaming through his veins.

"Hic…I know what I want, so the decision is really with you." Jack admitted and broke the eye contact between them to look at his hands.

"What do you want?" Hiccup asked him hesitantly, while pulling a little on one of his braids. He was fairly certain he already knew but…he needed to hear Jack say it instead of jumping to conclusions right now.

Jack trained his eyes on him again and now those blue eyes softened in that familiar way of his that always managed to make Hiccup feel weak in the knees.

"I want to be with you." Jack told him and the words were filled with such underlying hope that it tugged at Hiccup's heartstrings.

He felt his heart beat faster in his chest in response.

Jack wanted him…he was making himself completely vulnerable right now. He was putting himself out there for Hiccup to make a decision.

He couldn't deny the overwhelming, wild happiness that was flowing through every single part of him, when Jack had just said that he wanted to be with him. Gods, he wanted to be with him too…he wanted nothing more than just that…but he needed some answers, so they wouldn't both end up with their hearts smashed to pieces.

"You know I have to go back to the archipelago when we're done here at Hogwarts…right?" he asked him. He needed Jack to understand all the implications of this, because nothing about it was simple and easy.

"Yeah..." Jack sighed.

"I need to be with Toothless and I need to protect the dragons." he told Jack with sadness in his heart. Of course he wanted to be with Toothless and to keep the other dragons safe but…it was tearing him apart that that meant he couldn't be with Jack.

"I know that." Jack replied, almost a whisper now.

Hiccup exhaled deeply and closed his eyes for a few seconds before opening them again.

"So this…" he motioned to the both of them. "it…it doesn't fit into that…" he said, even though it was making the depression crash its horrible waves in his gut and making him feel like someone was slowly ripping his heart out of his body.

He could instantly read pain in Jack's eyes and it only made the sadness inside himself increase even more. The last thing he wanted to do was hurt him…but how could they possibly be together? If there was a way, he would take it but…how could there be?

Hiccup felt his throat close up by the thought that he couldn't have Jack, even now that he had discovered Jack had feelings for him too. It was agonizing.

He looked at his hands and wrung them a little, as a few moments of silence drifted by. The heartbreaking sadness and the horrible uncertainty and nervousness were unbearable.

"Hic?" Jack then said. His voice sounded less quiet and resigned now.

"Yeah?" he asked, still looking at his hands. At least that unnatural silence was gone now.

"I would like to at least have the option."

"What?" he blurted out as he lifted his head and trained his eyes on Jack again.

Jack had a sort of determination gleaming in his blue irises now.

He couldn't possibly be talking about what Hiccup thought he was talking about.

"To come with you." Jack clarified, apparently sensing his confusion.

Hiccup's eyes widened and the shock made him temporarily speechless. He was talking about that. He would actually…follow him back to Berk? He couldn't possibly be serious.

After a few brief moments he pulled himself together again.

"Are you saying that…you would actually consider staying in the archipelago?" he asked Jack, still beyond perplexed by this.

"If this…" Jack motioned to them both "works…then yeah…I'd pretty much follow you anywhere."

"Why….why would you do that?" Hiccup asked, unable to stop himself. He couldn't believe he was hearing this.

"Isn't it obvious? I want to be with you."

Hiccup let out a shaky breath. This was…unbelievable. Jack would leave his family and friends to move to a strange, dangerous place, just to be with him?

"But…" he started, struggling to find the right words. "I don't understand."

Jack sighed and then bit his lip and fiddled with his sleeves a little.

Hiccup watched him, still unable to fully comprehend what was happening right now. It was all completely surreal.

"There's something I need to tell you." Jack said and his voice had gone back to brimming with insecurity.

"What is it?"

He had an idea of what Jack was preparing himself to say but he couldn't believe it until he heard the words spill from Jack's lips.

The silence that hung in the air between them while he waited for Jack's answer, made the nervous anticipation wreak havoc in his body. His heart was almost in his throat now and his breathing had become strained.

"I wasn't going to say anything, because…" Jack trailed off and then groaned and let his palms slide down his face in a frustrated movement. "Ugh…you know what? I'm sick of pretending and not be able to just be honest with you, Hic." Jack told him and trained his blue eyes on him again. "I don't want secrets anymore. I just want to tell you how I really feel." Jack said, gesturing with his hands to express the obvious frustration he was feeling.

Hiccup stayed silent, the nervousness thrashing inside him more violently by the second.

"I've had feelings for you for a long time now, and they've just…been growing and growing…and…ugh, why is this so difficult to actually tell you?" Jack said and broke the eye contact between them for a brief moment and sighed. Then his eyes softened as he looked at him once more.

"Hic…I've been trying to push it down but…I can't do it anymore. When I thought you were going to die, I lost it…you mean so much to me and the possibility that you would die was unbearable. I promised myself I would find some way of telling you how I felt because the thought of losing you was even more terrifying than confessing to you and I've tried to ignore it for so long but…I can't choose not to feel." Jack told him and then paused for a brief moment, his blue eyes now intense to look at with the raw emotion shining in them. "I love you."

Hiccup stopped breathing.

Was he really hearing this?

If it wasn't because he knew it was impossible, he might have thought his heart was ready to explode from all the adoration, the love, the happiness that made it pound in his chest.

Jack was handing his heart over to him and all he had to do was take it.

"You love me?" he asked in pure disbelief. He needed to hear it again. It was everything he had hoped for, everything he had wanted since he first discovered his feelings for that amazing idiot and now...now it was actually within reach.

"Yeah, I love you." Jack told him softly. "Would you want to be with me?" Jack asked quietly, hopeful blue eyes burning into his skin, and in this moment Jack seemed so incredibly fragile that it made Hiccup's heart ache. Here in the silence, the overwhelming insecurity radiating off him seemed loud.

His heartbeat quickened even more at Jack's question.

Of course he wanted to be with him. There was nothing he wanted more than that. He wanted it so badly it hurt. He wanted to just throw himself at Jack, wrap his arms around him, crash his lips against his and never let him go.

He wrung his hands a little.

This was everything he wanted and yet he knew it was going to be incredibly difficult...impossible…

But it was just so tempting to reach out and take it. To just let himself find happiness with Jack. The guy he loved so much actually loved him back!

But everything was so complicated…

He let his head droop a little, breaking eye contact with Jack.

He was at war with himself. One part of him screamed out to just make Jack his as quickly as possible. Another part yelled at him that this would end badly. That it could never actually work. That he would end up broken.

Out of the corner of his eye, he could see Jack scoot closer to him across the couch until his friend was sitting next to him.

"Hic…" Jack then said quietly and placed a careful pale finger under his chin to tilt his head upwards so their eyes would meet. The brush of skin made tingling sensations run through him and the soft, caring look in Jack's eyes made warmth spread in his chest.

"Don't let all those negative thoughts in your head get to you…I know you're thinking about how complicated everything is, but we'll deal with all of that later. We can do it together…If you feel the same way about me, just say yes." Jack told him. "Just say yes." Jack repeated, almost a whisper, as the finger under his chin gently moved towards his cheek and brushed against it.

Those beautiful, deep, blue eyes held so much emotion that Hiccup was unable to look away. Jack let his arm drop to his side and he instantly missed the touch.

He was so close to having Jack that it was unbearable. He was aching to kiss him…to hold him…to tell him just how much he loved him. To finally let all of those hidden feelings out.

…but this wasn't a fairy tale. It was real life.

Jack observed him for a few moments, before he slowly leaned in.

Hiccup's breathing caught in his throat.

Jack softly pressed their lips together. It was a brief, chaste kiss but everything about it expressed how Jack felt about him and how much he wanted him to believe that this could work.

Soft. Warm. Loving. Amazing.

When Jack pulled away he gave him a flicker of a smile and those blue eyes now had a soft shine to them.

Hiccup's head was filled with the sound of his heartbeat. It was so loud he could swear Jack must have been able to hear it. His mouth had gone dry. This was going to change everything.

"You once told me I could choose to be happy." he said as he continued looking into that familiar blue gaze he loved so much.

"You can." Jack replied with a tiny, unsure smile tugging at his lips.

"If I can have you…then I choose to be happy." he told him and as the words left his mouth, his entire being was filled with warm, soft happiness. It was the most wonderful, overwhelming flood of bubbly emotion he had ever felt.

This was it. Things would forever be different…and gods, how he wanted them to be. He wanted Jack.

"You…you choose me…this?" Jack asked him, his blue eyes wide with hope, lips parted in disbelief.

"Yeah. I could never turn away from this."

Jack let out a shaky breath. "Hic-"

"I'm saying yes," he confirmed, wanting to crumble Jack's remaining doubts to dust. His lips transformed into a bright smile.

Jack's face instantly split into a huge, beaming grin. Hiccup had never seen him happier.

Jack instantly threw himself on top of him, pushing him back on to the couch and crashing their lips together. At the first brush of their warm, wet lips, Hiccup's head was already spinning again.

Jack was lying on top of him, his body pressed against his, propped up on pale arms to keep some of the weight off him. They captured each other's lips over and over and it seemed that for both of them, all the things they had been suppressing for so long came pouring out in that moment, melting into fiery, feverish kisses.

Every discreet stare. Every daydream of being together. Every soft bubbling of adoration. Every tickling sensation of butterflies. Every spark of attraction. Every repressed desire. Every hidden burst of love.

Nothing was held back. The time for secrets and suppressed feelings was over. They could finally have each other.

Hiccup let his hands slide under that black cloak and white shirt, craving to touch Jack's skin again. His fingertips roamed across Jack's back, reveling in the soft, smooth sensation of the flawless skin and Jack's slender, yet taut and slightly toned body. He alternated between letting his palms gently stroke Jack's back and allowing his fingertips to press into it, gripping and holding on to Jack, never wanting to let him go.

When Jack made them both slow down the pace of their heated kissing and gently let a hand slide through Hiccup's hair, sending all kinds of delicious shivers down his spine, he felt like his heart might jump out of his ribcage from the pure adoration he felt for Jack.

He leaned his face backwards a little, breaking the contact between their lips.

Heavy breathing came from both of them. Blue eyes looked down on him in confusion.

"Jack?" he asked his…boyfriend. That thought made so much unrestrained happiness stream through his blood that it could hardly be possible without the veins bursting. Jack was his now. That was more than he had ever dared to hope for.

"Yeah?" Jack asked breathlessly, tilting his head down, so their foreheads gently rested against each other, as their warm breaths mingled.

"I love you." he told that amazing guy who had captured his heart without even trying. He couldn't keep it in any longer. Jack needed to know that he felt exactly the same way about him.

"You do?" Jack asked, letting out a shaky breath that warmed the skin on Hiccup's chin. He sounded like he was hesitant to believe it.

"Yeah, I'm pretty much madly in love with you." he chuckled, feeling completely delirious with joy right now. It was overwhelming his senses, taking over every single part of his mind and body.

Jack slowly pressed their lips together so softly in response that it was the most tender, loving act Hiccup had ever experienced. It was a ghost of a kiss, like Jack was trying to express his love in the most delicate way possible.

As soon as their lips brushed, he craved more and he realized that he would never have enough of Jack. It was like every touch Jack left on him caused his body and soul to react in delight.

"You have no idea how happy that makes me." Jack whispered to him, blue eyes sparkling, as he leaned a little back again.

"I think I have an idea." he replied, a crooked smile appearing on his lips.

A tiny smile pulled the corners of Jack's lips upwards, before he lowered his head again and captured his lips once more.

Hiccup's eyes closed and he instantly let himself float away into that wonderful sensation of Jack's warm, soft lips against his. Every part of him fluttered and bubbled with exhilaration and he began to mold their wet mouths together harder, with more urgency.

He basked in the delighted shivers that ran through Jack in response and marveled when he realized that he was affecting Jack just as much as Jack was affecting him.

He tore his lips from Jack's and then planted a few soft kisses along a pale cheek.

"You're amazing" he breathed out against Jack's soft skin.

"So are you." Jack replied and pressed his lips on his nose.

Hiccup extended his hands and gently held on to each side of Jack's jaw and pulled him down to his lips again. He wanted that wonderful, beautiful meeting of their mouths back instantly.

He continued to let his fingertips softly grip the sides of Jack's jaw, as Jack began to let one of his hands brush through Hiccup's hair, still resting some of his weight on his other arm.

Their mouths fitted together perfectly, the sounds of their moistened, warm lips gliding and pressing together over and over filling the silence of the room.

Hiccup let his hands slide around to Jack's back to stroke up and down a few times, before sneaking under that white shirt to place passionate, loving touches along that creamy skin. He loved Jack's skin against his fingertips. It was warm…soft…smooth.

The clashes of lips quickly became more eager and needy. Jack's mouth parted and he used his tongue to gently poke at Hiccup's lips. He took the hint instantly and let him in. His boyfriend wasted no time in letting his tongue glide gently across Hiccup's own and pleasant tingles rippled through his entire body in response. His cheeks burned as he melted into Jack's mouth and began moving his own tongue around Jack's. He dug his fingertips into Jack's smooth, firm back. Jack let fingers rake through his brown locks.

His usually sharp and clever mind had gone completely hazy. It was a total sensory overload and his brain was shot into silence. He was being enveloped by Jack on every single level in his being. Feeling pale, smooth skin against his fingertips. Those soft, wet lips molding together with his. Breathing in the smell of peppermint and clean snowy locks and warm skin. His mouth being warmed by Jack's hot breaths.

This was eager passion. Fierce devotion. Young love.

Hiccup was drunk on happiness. Drunk on love. Drunk on desire. Drunk on Jack.

Their wet tongues moved around each other in playful motions, grazing, stroking, tracing. His nerve-endings were singing with joy and thrill. Soft moans began to escape them both, but they swallowed up each other's noises.

Only Jack could make him feel like this.

Only Jack could overwhelm his senses to the point where any coherent thought was impossible. Only Jack could make his legs feel like they were made of water, just by looking at him in a certain way. Only Jack could send pleasant shivers across his skin just by brushing against it. Only Jack could send his heart into a stuttering madness by pressing his lips on his.

Hiccup had no idea if minutes or hours passed, as he and Jack continued to kiss, their hands moving eagerly across each other's backs and necks and arms. He had no sense of time anymore. Time didn't matter. He had lost himself in Jack's warmth and closeness long ago.

After a while their heated, urgent kisses began to slow down, becoming more loving and gentle. He softly bit Jack's lower lip, causing Jack to hum in delight and respond with a slow, maddeningly tender kiss that could only be described as soft, pure bliss.

Then Hiccup smiled into their kiss, and Jack pressed his lips on his mouth lightly one last time before pulling away just a little to meet his eyes.

"What's so funny?" Jack asked with an amused smile on his lips.

"It's just…this is surreal." Hiccup explained, unable to hold back a goofy smile.

It really was. Jack had kissed him…he had kissed him back…they had confessed their feelings to each other. It was something Hiccup had never ever expected to happen.

"I know." Jack smiled warmly at him.

"I never thought something like this would happen." Hiccup told his boyfriend and reached out a hand to brush against Jack's pale cheek.

"Yeah, me neither." Jack chuckled. "I had no idea you even liked guys."

"I like girls too." Hiccup explained, as he let his hand drop again.

"So I should definitely keep an eye out for your fangirls?" Jack asked, raising an eyebrow in amusement, as he rolled off him, so they were lying next to each other on the soft couch.

"Nah, not really…I'm only interested in pale, annoying, snow-loving Gryffindors." Hiccup replied and Jack laughed at that.

"Well…" Jack said, one of those beautiful teasing grins appearing on his lips. "I'm only interested in sarcastic, brainy, dragon-obsessed Ravenclaws."

Hiccup shot him a bright grin. Jack had no idea how happy those words made him.

Then a thought occurred to him and the grin slowly faded into a small smile.

"Hey, are you okay with taking things slow?" he asked, observing Jack intently for any change in expression.

After all, this was completely new territory for both of them, and even though they loved each other, they needed to take their time with this.

"Yeah, definitely." Jack replied and nodded. "I've never…you know." he told him and a small blush actually appeared on his face, dusting perfect pale skin with pink.

Gods, he was adorable. Somehow, seeing Jack blushing was mind-blowingly cute because he was usually confident. It also didn't hurt that it made Hiccup relieved that he wasn't the only one being shy and a little awkward in this.

"Not with a girl either?" he asked him.

He didn't really know what to expect from Jack on this subject because obviously he had snogged girls before but Hiccup didn't know if he had gone farther than that.

"No…have you?" Jack asked him, lifting an eyebrow in curiosity.

"No."

"Good. Then this relationship is going to have a lot of 'firsts'." Jack told him, as one of those bright grins parted his lips and revealed his perfect, white teeth.

Hiccup couldn't help smiling at that too. He was kind of relieved that Jack was just as inexperienced as himself in this.

"Yeah." he agreed. "And there's already been a 'first' today, since I assume you've never kissed a guy before?"

"You're right" Jack replied but then got a pensive look on his face. "Have you?"

"Yeah." he said, waiting for the surprised reaction that was bound to come.

"What? Seriously? Who?" Jack asked, seeming baffled by this, just as he had expected.

"My first kiss ever when I was 12 years old was with a boy." he explained as an amused smile tugged at the corners of his lips from Jack's reaction.

"Wow, way to hold out on me there, Hic." Jack replied with a crooked smile.

"I didn't exactly feel like handing you that kind of ammunition. You would have definitely used it against me."

"Yeah, I probably would have." Jack grinned.

Hiccup smiled fondly at his boyfriend.

He reached out a hand towards one of Jack's hands and intertwined their fingers. Jack smiled softly at him in response to the simple, yet wonderful contact.

They were lying like that for a little while, just enjoying each other's presence, before Jack broke the silence.

"Hey Hic, do you think we should tell people about this?"

"Hmm...we can tell our friends right away but I'd rather not have everyone know just yet." he replied and hoped that would be all right with Jack.

He didn't want all the other students at Hogwarts to know right away. He wanted them to have some time to just figure this out by themselves first…and he definitely couldn't tell his dad and the other Vikings yet either…he would have to prepare himself for that kind of major emotional confrontation first. It wasn't something he could just casually sling out during a normal conversation.

Jack nodded. "That's okay with me…We'll just keep it between us and our friends for now then."

"They are going to be shocked." he replied with an amused smile.

"Oh yeah, they are."

"Do they know you feel that way about me?"

"Yeah, they do. What about Rapunzel and Fishlegs?"

"They know too".

"Huh…we really are stupid…we should have told each other a long time ago" Jack said to him, furrowing his brow a little.

"Yeah, we should." he agreed. "But I guess we were both afraid of being rejected and ruining our friendship."

Jack's eyes softened. "Yeah, I know I was."

"Yeah, me too." he replied and brushed his thumb over one of Jack's fingers.

"Should we tell them together? It would be kind of fun to just stun them all of the sudden." Jack said excitedly, that childish spark that Hiccup loved so much gleaming in his blue eyes.

"Yeah, sure." he said and chuckled. "I guess it would be fun to surprise them."

"It's a deal then…when?"

"Hmm…how about tomorrow after classes?" he suggested. Of course, he still wouldn't be having any classes, he still had time off, but the rest of them would have.

"Yeah, sure…if you can keep your hands off me for that long." Jack told him, blue eyes shining with mischief.

"Who said anything about needing to keep my hands off you?" he shrugged.

"Hmm, good answer." Jack replied with an amused smile. Then he reached out his other hand and began playing with Hiccup's braids, pulling at them, twirling them, swatting at them.

"What are you doing?" Hiccup asked in amusement. Jack almost seemed like a child trying out a new toy.

"You have no idea how long I've wanted to do that." Jack told him and then laughed happily.

"Seriously?" he asked, raising his eyebrows.

"Yup." Jack replied with one of those playful grins.

Hiccup shook his head, as a bright smile parted his lips. That was just so Jack.

"I love you." he said and then leaned in and pressed his lips against Jack's pale forehead.

"I love you too." Jack said softly, as he continued to play with his braids.

He and Jack stayed in the room of requirement for the rest of the day. They skipped dinner because neither of them wanted to leave each other. They had so much to talk about. So many feelings to express. So much love to shower each other with.

They told each other how long they had had feelings for each other and were both shocked by the answer. They had laughed at their own foolishness and inability to see what was right in front of them. Hiccup felt quite bad when Jack told him that he had discovered his feelings for him when he saw Astrid kiss him and that that was why he had had that panic attack. However…Jack had reassured him that he shouldn't feel guilty about that. After all, there was no way he could have known Astrid would do that or that it would trigger that sort of response from Jack.

Jack seemed beyond surprised to find out that he had realized his feelings when Jack had cleaned him up after the fight he had had with McGowan and Levin and that that was why he had been isolating himself for a few days afterwards. Jack had assumed it had had something to do with the fight, so it came as a shock to him that it was actually because Hiccup had discovered his feelings for him.

Then they moved on to tell each other about their reasons for keeping their feelings hidden, what their friends had said to them throughout the whole thing and how they had both tried their best to appear normal but that it was so incredibly difficult. It was so relieving for the both of them to finally let all of those things out in the open.

Hiccup had had a brief moment of insecurity and asked Jack if he was absolutely sure that he wouldn't mind staying in the archipelago. After all…it was not just a dangerous place. It was also a completely different way of life than what Jack was used to. But his boyfriend had just told him to shut up and then kissed him lovingly to reassure him that yes…he was sure he wanted to come with him. In that moment Hiccup felt like his stomach was going to burst wide open and hundreds of those tiny Terrible Terrors were going to fly out.

They ended up talking for hours and hours, interrupting their conversations once in a while by loving, heated kissing sessions. They never ran out of things to tell each other. They could finally share all of those feelings and hardships they'd experienced for so long now but kept hidden from each other.

Their last conversation before they fell asleep revolved around Jack's family. Hiccup had pulled his boyfriend into his arms and Jack was resting his head on his chest, one arm across his stomach.

Jack had told him that his family knew all about his feelings for him and that they would be ecstatic to find out that Jack had actually dared to make a move and that they were boyfriends now. Hiccup was relieved and happy to hear that. At least Jack's family wouldn't be an issue for their relationship.

When Jack ended up falling asleep in his arms, his face in peaceful folds, one of his pale hands clutching some of Hiccup's shirt tightly, he was overwhelmed by the realization that he and Jack could finally be together.

He lowered his head and stuck his face into Jack's snowy locks and breathed in deep, savoring those beautiful smells of peppermint and clean hair and Jack.

Then a fond smile appeared on his lips, as he watched the breathtaking guy sleeping in his arms.

He had Jack's love. He held his heart.

Things weren't going to be easy… but there wasn't a doubt in his mind that they belonged together.

Author's note:

- This is without a doubt the chapter in this story that I've been most excited about, because we finally got to the confession! :)

- I've been asked by several people whether the story would end after the confession but no…it won't. The story goes on for a while

- Regarding Hiccup's feelings after being tortured, I'd already decided a long time ago that he would fall into some self-loathing and feelings of shame, because that fits with the sort of emotional damage his past would have left him with (after constantly being told he was weak and helpless and in general just not good enough). But to be sure I didn't write something completely unrealistic I did some research on torture victims and they do often suffer from problems with shame and guilt afterwards, because it's such a humiliating, degrading experience to have all of your control taken away like that by someone who is doing horrific things to you.