Thank you everyone who have read/reviewed/favorited/alerted!
Not only does it keep me aware that people are still reading, but it reminds me this story exists as well!
Special thanks goes out to rin neko23 and OhHolyCow for reminding me to update chapter 12!

Nada: Sorry for the 3 month wait! I never realized how difficult it was to balance college and 30 hours of work within a seven day time span. I'm gonna die of exhaustion, I swear. This is the most exhausting thing I have ever done in my life, sheesh! I contemplated combining chapter 12 and 13 together to appease you guys, but decided that my current bouts of mental fatigue wouldn't do chapter 13 justice since I haven't fixed it for any errors. With that being said, I didn't properly check chapter 12 either.

Warning(s): OOC-ness, Swearing, Monster Rage, Crap Quality

Chapter Twelve

Waking up at 7 in the morning was not something I wanted to do on a Saturday. Waking up at 7 in the morning with only four hours of sleep under my belt was more reason to be cranky-and for shopping! Who goes shopping so early?!

"Don't give me that look," Kairi chided the moment we caught a bus for the mall. "You challenged me, Roxy. You should know better than to challenge me when it comes to shopping."

I grumbled an obscenity under my breath, which earned me a very nasty glare from the red head.

"Speaking of shopping, why did you ask me to come? Guys don't like shopping, especially guys like me."

"I know," she muttered with a roll of her eyes. "Riku tells me that every time I ask him, but I have a confession to make. We're not going shopping."

"We're not?"

"Nope," She smiled. "I'm not going to subject you to that torture. I'll save that kind of thing for Riku. So instead, we're going to go somewhere fun."

"And that would be…?" I tried, but Kairi's playful smile remained in place. She wasn't planning on telling me where we were going anytime soon, so I gave up trying to pry it from her and settled into the seat for the ride.

-x-X-x-

It didn't take me long to find out where we were heading either. In fact, the place Kairi refused to speak of turned out to be an arcade and, according to her, it was the last arcade for miles around. To have one so close to home was astonishing. Not only that, it was actually open so early in the morning.

Needless to say, we spent all morning challenging each other to arcade games. She won at air hockey and lost at an arcade fighting game thanks to my trigger happy fingers. I creamed her in a racing game and epically failed in DDR, which didn't surprise me to be honest.

When we grew tired of the games, we went to a nearby pizzeria for lunch and when we grew tired of the arcade in general, we found ourselves in an art and crafts store. We wandered around the aisles, aimless and comfortable. The silence that befell us wasn't due to exhaustion from the day's events, but due to thought. Kairi was in deep thought and because of it, I found myself strolling down the aisles in search of something; the very same something that had fallen behind my bushes and have yet to be retrieved.

"I'm sorry," she said, stopping me in my tracks. I turned to her, unsure of what to think or feel.

Instead, I forced my mouth to move: "Sorry for what?"

"For not really being your friend until now." She replied, her voice small and sad. "I'm sorry that until now, I couldn't see what Sora saw." She reached for her neck and pulled out the golden heart-key necklace Sora gave her a few years ago.

"Here," She pulled off the chain from her neck and gently laid it into my palm. "Sora gave it to me to commemorate our friendship. Now, I'm giving it to you as a sign of our friendship." She smiled again, this time warm and kind.

I stared down at the heart-key necklace, feeling the weight of the metal press against my skin. I wasn't sure how to think or how I should react to her gift, but I didn't have to dwell on it for long. My body reacted on instinct. I reached for the girl across from me and wrapped my arms around her, embracing her frame against my own. She returned the gesture, that pleasant smile still on her lips.

"Thank you for coming with me." She whispered.

"Yeah…" I murmured. Thank you for asking me.

-x-X-x-

I found Sora waiting for me on the porch later that afternoon. He hurried toward me like a loyal dog greeting his master and asked, rather reluctantly, how my day with Kairi had been.

"It was fun," I said then pulled out the necklace from my pocket. "She gave me this."

Sora eyed the jewelry as it dangled in front of him, the rhinestones glittering in the light of twilight. A mixture of emotions flashed through his eyes-curiosity, surprise and something else. It wasn't an emotion I saw Sora wear too often, mostly because I always thought he wasn't capable of it, but his eyes had shown it and I had seen it. I couldn't deny it, even if I wished to.

I shoved the necklace back into my pocket, ignoring the anger and pain that began to eat at me. The look of hurt in his eyes as he gazed at the necklace stirred the unwanted monster from within.

"Don't tell me your upset because she gave your gift away." Anger flared within my veins, my heart pounding frantically within my ribs.

Sora's expression of hurt changed into anger, but just as quickly as it appeared, it vanished. He shook his head, as if ridding the emotion from his body, and stared into my eyes with blue pools of pity. The monster within suddenly screamed in fury.

"Stop it," I managed, my voice unwavering with emotion. "Stop it, Sora. Now!" My restraint was slipping, fury boiled beneath my skin.

Sora's pity remained evident even as curiosity filtered into his eyes. He doesn't realize what he's doing to me. He doesn't even know that he's doing it.

Pity.

Pity.

I. Don't. Need. Your. PITY!

You were supposed to be my sanctuary.

You were supposed to be my angel, my little slice of Heaven in this Hell!

The rage must have been apparent. I could only imagine how my face must have looked; how angry my eyes must have burned. Sora's eyes were still so full of pity, it urged every muscle in my being to react in ways I thought I could never do. Without a thought, I shoved him away from me with all the force my rage allowed me to use. I watched with sickening satisfaction as he stumbled backward onto the ground, his blue eyes wide with surprise and shock.

"Roxas, I-"

I felt the nails bite into my palms before I even realized I had them clenched so tight. I barely registered the horrid thought that crossed through my brain, that terrible, burning, intense desire to inflict pain onto someone that wasn't myself. I felt it so strongly in my veins, the desire to ruin something so close to perfection. I had barely noticed the look of fear that flashed through Sora's eyes when I descended upon him like a feral beast about to devour his prey.

And it was just barely that his pleads sliced through the haze of fury that blinded my senses and forced me back to reality.

"ROXAS PLEASE! CALM DOWN!"

"I AM CALM!" I screamed, startling the boy in front of me. "I AM PERFECTLY CALM!" I drew back from him, leaving enough space between us that he would feel less threatened.

The words filtered through my brain like a mantra: Calm.

I'm calm.

Why can't you see that I'm calm?

I'm calm.

I'm calm.

Calm. Calm.

"OK, OK," he said delicately, his fear now replaced with something I thought could have been regret, but it didn't make sense. What did Sora have to regret? "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you."

His words brought me back to Kairi from yesterday. They were all walking on egg shells around me. They were all keeping their emotions in check because of me. They were scared for me… they were scared of me.

Their years of happiness, of a life before my existence, no longer existed; not even in their memories because I was too corrupted, too vile, too selfish to let them have it. I wasn't like the moon, reflecting back the sun's rays to brighten a dark world. I was worse than that. I had no light. I did not reflect. I was a black hole, devouring the galaxies I came across, just like how I devoured the happiness of others.

That's why I shouldn't be alive.

"I wasn't upset that she gave her necklace, I was—"

"That's OK," I interjected, my voice deceptively calm. "I know."

Sora didn't look convinced. "Roxas—"

"Don't worry about it." Don't worry for something that means nothing.

Sora's expression never changed but neither did my resolve.

-x-X-x-

Sunday came and went, just like Monday and Tuesday and Wednesday and Thursday. From Friday to Saturday then Sunday again. The days of the week blurred together until September turned to October and suddenly we were back to when it all began. The staring and whispers had come and gone with the changing of the seasons, but the rumors remained, following me like a shadow where ever I went.

Kairi tried her best to keep me occupied and Sora did everything he could to make me happy, but the reality was harsh.

I had no freedom.

I had no sanctuary.

Everything didn't seem to matter anymore. And worse yet, people were starting to notice.

"He's not getting better," Riku began once my friends were present. They were brought here because Sora had asked them to.

They all thought I would be home, sleeping the world away beneath my blankets, but they were wrong. I sat outside by the curtain that acted as makeshift door from the alley, their voices loud and clear as the day.

"In fact, I think he's worse."

"I thought your mom was going to hire a psychiatrist?" Hayner asked my sister.

"She is, but she hasn't gotten around to it."

Olette suddenly scoffed. "Unbelievable! Roxas needs help and she's not doing anything about it? What kind of mother is that?"

"She's been busy," Sora said with a sigh when Naminé couldn't find her voice.

"Too busy for her family? Unacceptable!" Olette cried. "Roxas needs her! And not just Roxas, Naminé and Cloud need her too."

"Olette—" Naminé tried but Olette wasn't having it.

"No, no more excuses, Naminé. Your mother needs to see reason! Does she even know that Cloud wasn't accepted into the university that he applied to? Or that you won the art contest last week?"

It pained me to know that not even I knew those things about my family. It would appear that my mother wasn't the only one lost in her own little world.

"We're not here to talk about my mom!" My sister cried, her voice uneven. "We're here to talk about Roxas!"

"And what is there to talk about?" Hayner began, his voice suddenly hard with anger. "I'm so sick of this! It's like every day we do nothing but talk about Roxas and his feelings. We shouldn't do this because Roxas might take it the wrong way or we can't do that because he might feel excluded—I'm sick of it! What about the rest of us?! Does he even care about us? No! He doesn't!"

There was movement inside the room that gave me the impression Hayner kicked something aside.

"I'm sick of it you guys. Selphie was right, this isn't healthy for any of us. We can't keep babysitting him. I'm done with it."

"Hayner!" Olette cried, shock evident in her voice.

"No, Olette, I'm serious. I can't deal with him and his attitude anymore."

"Hayner, he's sick—" Pence tried in my defense.

"All the more reason to stop it now." The blonde replied, sounding more resolute than ever before. "God, you guys don't even see it do you? He's destroying us! He's getting to us one by one and he won't stop until he ruins every little bit of happiness that we have!"

"Shut up Hayner! You don't understand what he's going through!" Sora yelled, having heard enough. "We're his friends, we have a responsibility to support and help him recover!"

"No Sora, I've had enough. He's not my friend. Not anymore. I can't be friends with someone who doesn't see me as one—and don't tell me otherwise!"

Silence descended inside the room and for a moment, I thought everyone had left until I remembered there was only one exit and I sat next to it. The curtain flew open, revealing the disgruntled blonde. He barely took notice of my presence and marched down the alley towards home. I watched the retreating figure, my mind blank, but my heart raced with an onslaught of emotions.

I couldn't be mad at Hayner, honestly I couldn't. He was right with every word he said. It didn't surprise me that he wanted out. It only surprised me that it took so long.

"I'm sorry…"

My attention refocused on the Usual Spot, Hayner's back no longer in sight. I heard the tremble within my sister's voice and fought the anger that seized me because of it. Naminé didn't deserve to cry, let alone cry because of me or Hayner.

"…but he's right."

"What part?" Riku snorted. "The fact that there's nothing we can do or the fact that he's destroying us?"

"Both," she murmured, her voice soft, fragile, like she were on the verge of tears. "None of you should have to go through this. This is my family's problem, not anyone else's. OK?" I heard her voice break before she could finish. She stormed out of the room, her voice buried beneath her hands as a sob wracked throughout her petite frame. Olette and Kairi followed after her, neither of them noticing my presence.

Pence appeared moments later. He glanced into my direction, our eyes meeting for a moment. We didn't say a word, we didn't need to. Pence's eyes gave way what he felt about me and the situation I had brought to them: he felt sympathetic for me… and for the rest of my family.

He followed after the girls, leaving me with only Sora and Riku for company.

"That didn't go how I wanted it to go," Sora sighed in defeat.

Riku snorted. "That went exactly how I expected it to, right down to Hayner losing it."

"Do you agree with him?"

"Honestly? I do. I would be much happier without Roxas's crippling depression, but he'd expect me to give up and I'm not going to let him have the satisfaction." Riku's voice grew closer to the door as he spoke. "The way I see it, he's doing this on purpose. He wants to make our lives a living hell because in the end, he knows we'll give up and when we do, he won't feel guilty for taking the leap, but I'm not giving up. He's too much fun to leave alone.

"Anyway," Riku began with a change of tone. "I'm going home. See you."

He left the room without a glance in my direction, but something in my gut told me he knew all along that I was there. Sora stepped out of the hideout a few minutes after Riku had disappeared from sight and took an empty spot to my left.

I wanted to question him, to ask how he or Riku knew that I was there the whole time, but I found my lips wouldn't move. The energy required to use my voice was no longer there. Instead, I scooted closer to him, feeling the warmth that radiated from him despite the chill in the autumn air.

"I'm not giving up." He stated after a few seconds of comfortable silence. He kept his eyes focused on the perpetual twilight that overlooked the town, but I felt his fingers snake into my own. I squeezed his hand, thankful for the touch.

He would never give up, I knew that all too well, but for how long could his stubbornness last? Riku was right about one thing, pushing my friends away was easy, pushing my family away would be hard, but pushing Sora away… that seemed nearly impossible.

Why won't you give up?

Nada: My favorite thing about this entire chapter is the Black Hole analogy, LOL. The thing I hate about this chapter is the time gap. It's too noticeable for the flow and makes me feel like everyone's anger is too rushed. I hope it's not too rushed. I tried to lay down the hints throughout the story but my brain is too foggy to look at it accurately so I don't know if I accomplished that?

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