Chapter 18: " Understanding "

Dib was working on his computer when his father entered his room. It was silent at first, and nothing was exchanged, other than awkward glances of acknowledgment. Then his father requested his full attention. Dib didn't want to. Feelings of slight annoyance entered his body. He didn't want to be doing this, and it put him in an uncomfortable situation. However he knew why his father was here. He was here for an apology.

For an offering of remorse. And it was those intentions that made him feel bad for being annoyed. It confused his senses, and he knew that he should be angry at his father for what he said the few days ago. One that brought things into perspective, and offered visual references that never would've surfaced to mind otherwise. Knowledge that he obtained; or more likely truth. It was an earnest argument; not one that had trivial subjects and were quarreled over impulsively.

Dib knew he was right to be angry. However it made him feel sick just the thought of being mad at his father. It didn't feel right. It brought an upset passage down his body, and it made him tremble. Despite his justification, he couldn't live on holding a grudge. It wasn't worth the effort. He wanted this, he wanted to forgive. But it didn't feel deserving, in sequence. His mind traversed over the two, as it were something to consider, to ponder about. To make a final decision, and chose one indefinitely, like two separate doors in one hallway.

Dib sighed quietly. He let his computer sleep, and he removed his hand from the mouse. After a few moments of having to course the same neural messages to his arms and body, he turned in his chair and faced his father. His dad's eyes were always hidden behind the goggles that hid any expression from his face. Any emotion, or abstract idea of feeling. It was hard to interpret; as humans relied on the face and eyes as an output of human generated feelings. The demeanor and outlook of emotions. A "gateway" to the soul. In this moment, he removed them. And folded his lab coat collar. Dib's eyes widened.

He'd only seen pictures of his father without his goggles. It was beyond his knowledge of why he kept them concealed incessantly without ever removing them in anyone's presence, but it wasn't something he'd ask about. A few times he'd even seen his father's lower face, on occasions whenever he lowered his extensively high lab coat collar, so seeing his jaw wasn't so surprising. He related those pictures to he might look today, concerning the pictures were of his younger years; College, high school, etc. He was bewildered. He thought that there was some form of acknowledgment needed in return, but Dib's tongue remained still, and full. He was speechless.

He motioned for his son to stand. Dib did so, and was surprised as when he stood upon his feet, His father gave him a hug. His mind tried to comprehend what was going on. It tried to relate to this unprecedented extent of affection, but couldn't solve it with anything of his prior knowledge. He knew his father loved his children, and cared for them in his ways possible, but it was never shown beyond words. It was almost like an unspoken rule that he established for himself. After defying his own set of ungrounded territory, Dib knew how serious this was to him. Maybe he actually was regretful for saying such things. Maybe he truly didn't mean it.

He wanted to believe it. It was almost alluring, and it comforted his soul to think so. But at the same time, he knew his father very well, despite all of the things he kept secretive from social interactions. Those were very well his thoughts. Very well his believes and judgments. Although he knew he couldn't blame him for having the ideas, Dib knew that his father was disappointed to have a child that believed in those idiocies. Nevertheless, He knew one thing for sure. His father felt terrible for saying it. His father was in grief because he'd ridiculed and belittled his own son. To embarrass him when it was his job to inspire him. It was unmistakeable; he was remorseful. He froze in this state for a moment.

" I'm sorry, Dib." His father said. As simple as the words were, the expression and emphasis contained much more dynamism and character beyond the line of oral activity.

He hesitated at first. Feeling mortification enter his body, and the temperature increasing beyond normal standards, this was beyond comprehensible uncomfortableness. He was sure his face was red. However, he allowed his hands to rest against his father's back.

"...I'm sorry too." Dib replied quietly.

They remained in the same position, before it was his father who let go. He nodded, a gesture which Dib wasn't sure what it acted or stood for, but he removed himself from the room, and left his son to ponder. There were many things he could say he knew confidently about his father. One being he was a very egoistic man about his professions in all things science and bio-mechanical engineering. He was prideful in his work, and brilliant in knowledge.

Though there were times where Dib undoubtedly wondered why he became such an isolated man. Why he thrived in his own lifestyle of enigmatic features and obscure nature. The man that the world saw was the one he wanted them to see, and not the other ambiguous details he so expertly woven into nonexistent threads; The only tangible item that had any sort of correlation to whatever idea that could be formed upon a generalization of who the man was, was a picture that he kept in his room; One that showed him in elementary school, a class picture.

Based upon it, one can only assume. Predict and make observations. However there weren't any definite details that could be settled upon. Despite his raging popularity in the science venue, he was known as, and only known as, Professor Membrane. Home? Dad. Father... His first name and middle was still a mystery to be solved. To build upon, he also had a few other pictures; Some taken in college. Some in high school. However, none portrayed his family, close relatives, or friends. Dib never met his dad's brothers or sisters...That's if it was true if he had any. He never noticed, but they never had any word of having uncles or aunts. Not even grandmas or grandpas

His own wife was an image. Dib only remembered so little, that mom was the only word that came to mind whenever it became a sort of subject. He was offended when Zim insulted her, but yet he didn't know much about her to begin with. He remembered always hearing her voice. Distant, but always a tad recognizable. He kept to that image as a cherished memory. Her face was something he wasn't familiar with. He also remembered always being with her, however it was only feelings that generated his familiarity with her. Any visual and auditory recollection wasn't to be accounted for too seriously. He wasn't sure about her existence...other than her cancer.

Dib swallowed the lump in his throat. He remembered there being an image of both his father and mother, a coupled picture, that stood on the counter top in the kitchen. He'd remembered trying to peek his head over the drawers to get a glimpse, but could only manage to see her eyes, and hair. It was gone now, however. He wasn't sure where his father put it, or even if he'd thrown it away for it's tendency of bringing sentimental memories.

He remembered her eyes to be brown. Like his and Gaz.

However his father's were curiously green...

Dib stared at the black computer screen. It had just occurred to him that he knew more about his enemy, than his own father...Maybe...

Maybe his dad was right...Right about everything. Zim wasn't someone he should waste his time on.

Dib looked down at his hands, and analyzed them. He wasn't sure what he was thinking. He wasn't sure what he was feeling. Disappointment? Relief...It was all so unexplainable. It crawled around his body, and caused slow destruction the more he thought about all of this. Just how much of this that didn't make sense, and was illogical. But yet things that he was sure about before seemed that they weren't even all that real to begin with.

Zim was here to take over the earth...yeah...when was the last time that happened? He wasn't a sure enemy, much less even a person of threatening nature. A person that couldn't be labeled as an antagonist for his lack of will to do anything that was antagonistic. Zim wasn't a good person, that was for sure, and was pathetic—probably even a sociopath beyond recognition. But there were people like that within each generation. On the news, when children would've been kidnapped, and found later as corpses or mutilated bodies. Or a man who'd start a school shooting. Or back in the 30's when Hitler began his holocaust, and movement to exterminate an entire race and religion. Having evil people in the world was a given. Zim tried to be like them, but managed to become lesser. He was a nobody with an overactive ADHD problem.

Dib closed his eyes. He remembered the children in his basement.

...To a degree, Zim was dangerous. He was unpredictable, and insane. He had issues with communication of every kind, and it showed in his every day interaction amongst the humans. Granted he was an alien, that much Dib would keep believing, but he was incorrigibly idiotic. He could be labeled as a fallacy, as everything about his natural actions defied all of his intentions. His mind was a shattering mirror of arrogance, self-absorbed nonsense and an exaggerated shout of excellence. And what was even more sad about that was that he believed in it. He believed in his ideas with an incurable faith of his own ego and self-proclaimed prodigal ability. His mind was a cycle of never ending failure and blindness.

That was what made him useless, and dangerous at the same time. He believed he could do anything without consequence. A "one of a kind" ventriloquist. If nothing went his way, his uncontrollable emotions erupted, and he'd explode amongst his unstable mind. He'd seen it happen before. Exacting revenge. Hatred.

Dib blinked, and sighed heavily. Zim wanted to take over the earth...but was that exactly plausible? Sure enough, he had his race that surely was more mind-fucked than he was...but Zim was just one person. He'd occupied this residence for almost two years. One year? Dib wasn't sure, but if his intentions were true, he would be facing a metal slab room on a cold steel bed, or eating the dirt of 6 feet below soil—possibly bathing in his own ash of burned remnants. In other words; He would be dead, or enslaved. Either way, those haven't occurred.

Though soon it would happen to Nick.

Dib rubbed his eyes, and placed his palms against them. Dejection brought itself upon his chest, and weighed down on his shoulders. He wasn't sure of anything anymore...But one thing he was positive was that Nick's, and the other kids, lives were on the line. And the earth was possibly. But if the earth was to be condemned...What could Dib do against it? One kid, starting to go through puberty, was going to do what, against an armada of alien space ships? What was there to do? Accept defeat? Was there any other option?

Dib looked back at the video. The more he tried to understand the void of the alien's mind and background, the more confused he became. It wasn't worth it anymore. To try and guess his every move, to try and prevent every outbreak of violence and malicious intent. To be a hero. When really...the world never had heroes to begin with.

He rubbed his eyes. He was positive about saving Nick. That idea was more tangible. And he could send the video to the police, or the Swollen Eyeball Network, get Zim arrested and possibly executed for his crimes. Or, if they'd unearthed the secret of his extraterrestrial being, they would experiment on him. Make him a test subject in area 51. It would be the best form of karma.

Dib rested his head against the desk, and felt conflicted of the idea, and the feeling it brought to him. It would be best to give this evidence to the officials...but then after wards, he would be questioned, interrogated about how he knew about this. He'd gain an infamous popularity of the one who found the first alien, and that would forever be his title. The boy wonder discovers alien lifeforms.

TV producers asking for his compliance to be shown on TV, on the newspaper, around the world. Most people would like the idea. But Dib lived through his share of embarrassment on public media. Being called the hideous cow/boy hybrid/cyborg because Zim had replaced one of his organs with a toy that produced mooing sound effects. He lived through the mortification of the thousands of reporters showing up to his house, and snapping pictures to his grief. To this day, he's still called "Cowboy wonder". It ruined the already slim chance of getting his wanted career...Or so it all seems right now.

Dib lifted his head from the desk, and pondered about these things a little longer. All of this confusion from a simple hug, He mused in his mind. He was sure that he would save Nick and the others, if it were the last thing he'd do. He knew of their whereabouts, and he wasn't going to give up now. He sighed, the air being filled with reluctance and grim, he began typing. He opened up the web browser and entered the Swollen Eyeball Network URL. If he sent the video to them, and ask for anonymous submission, he could at least be safe from the prying eyes of popularity. He visited the homepage, and logged in to his account. There, he was met with the 9 still unread notifications that occupied his inbox. Dib released a forced groan. So much to do...so little time. He thought to himself, as he opened a new message.

He forwarded the video to one of his supervisors, Agent Darkbooty. However as he sent the email, it immediately went to his awaiting entries. Dib furrowed his eyebrows, as he tried to remove it, and direct it to his email. However, he received a message that the email he was sending wasn't valid, and that the purpose was because it was being sent from an unregistered account. Dib mouth the word what, and viewed the settings page of the site. He looked at his account status, and saw that he was no longer an investigator for the S.E.N, but just a sponsor of the website content.

He placed his hands against his radix. He'd be demoted three ranks. Not only was the video was going to be deleted from Agent Darkbooty's waiting box; an item that was stored for unimportant or unofficial content and logs, but nobody was going to see it. It was practically removed from existence. And it was no longer in his management; He didn't make a copy of the file.

Dib blinked slowly. He was tired. Tired of everything. Tired of the drama that kept coming up. Tired of caring, and centering himself around these things. His father was right.

This wasn't worth it, if all he ever tried to do came back to him with a consequence. Even if what he tried to do was for the good intention of humanity, nevertheless, he was ridiculed for his beliefs, bullied for his differences, mocked and insulted of his behavior and his personality. Thoughts came to mind that maybe these people didn't deserve such good intentions. Surely not everyone was like that, but Dib was starting to have doubts. Sincere doubts.

Dib sighed once more, and the wall of confusion was encountered again. Along side, were the trails of agitation, and turmoil, branching into defeat and humiliation. A stillness occurred in his heart, and it made him grieve on the inside.

He was sorry. But...he wasn't sure for what.

• • •

Red steadied the pace of his walking. He made sure his legs didn't move any inches further or less as he moved towards the general direction of the top of the palace. Monitoring the length of each stride he took wasn't exactly a preferable set of operations, and couldn't be labeled as entertaining. It took time from his mind of his pondering, as a persistent nervousness swelled in his chest. He stopped at a reception point, and took a few flights of motion stairs. He reached the stopping point, and continued his slow but eventual progress.

After taking the same familiar pathways which he'd grown to memorize by motion recognition, he entered the draped hallways. They contained brighter lights, and colors such as very light orange and yellow. The Gallery was located within this area, which was the reason the velvet and silk were fashioned upon the walls. To the general public, they didn't know of any sort of art form. Ordered and passed by Almighty Tallest Revor, there was a period where having a degree in painting and portrayal was an accepted lifestyle. However the art was to be shown only to those of prominent backgrounds, and ranks. The Tallest, and a selected few of lieutenants, colonels, and generals were allowed to view upon the art work. The period ended when Almighty Tallest Miyuki became elected.

The drapes were also a symbolization of the presence of the private quarters which belonged to the Almighty tallest was near, and was off limits to unauthorized personnel. He continued his way through them with one intent in mind. Soon, he entered the other hallways which didn't contain any sense of decor. Red released a gap of breath in attempt to relieve himself of the rising needles of energy. He was here to notify the Control Brains that the message had been exchanged with Zim successfully, and that until further notice, no action would be necessary.

He would also have to include that he disabled the mind and usage of Zim's technology and namely his Computer. He wasn't sure if this would be a cause of questioning or praise, considering it was equally capable to the incite of both. However he wasn't sure if he should try and predict the Control Brains anyway.

Red approached the door that would soon be lying at his right. The hallway curved, and he followed amongst the circumference of it's arching structure. The door appeared and he stopped himself in his tracks. His shoes echoed a little too loudly, and as it refracted against the hallways, it caused a ripple in his confidence. He'd said to Purple that he would deal with this. He volunteered to send the message himself. At the time, he only chose to speak so boldly because he wanted to rid himself of the irrational fear when standards pertained to the Control Brains. They were the power to everything, the minds of all the superiority and progress. They dominated the people, and they followed underneath their commands with docility.

Owning so much control under neath their small structures, they could rid the entire nation of the Tallest and it wouldn't cause turmoil in respondent of the people. Not even a single flinch as a reaction of opposition. Any one who'd display any such disagreement would be considered a cause of disunity and inharmonious nature. Nobody knew what happened to such individuals.

Red gathered the air into his lungs, and released it in a calming sigh. He walked through the door, and entered the corridor. The room was dimly lit, very much like every where else in the palace, however this was had only four lights, which were placed as a reflection one another. One pair at the door that Red entered in...and another at the door to the I.C.B chamber.

He made his leisurely way down the dark hallway, and allowed the few, finite moments of obscurity and practical invisibility be the assuage of his tempering anxiety. There was a constant prick at the back of his neck, and as he began to enter into the field of light, it only increased. He momentarily lived through the regret of making this choice.

" Red; Enter the Domain." A voice called, and nearly made him jump. It didn't fail to make his skin crawl, as the automatic doors opened with haste. Red allowed another silent deep breath pass by as he entered the chamber.

" Are you here on report?" A voice asked. He stopped in the middle of the room, and tried to keep his eyes on the systems speaking to him. Shivering began in his knuckles, as he kept them behind his back. For a moment, Red didn't want to answer. The reasoning behind why wasn't clear to himself, but it was tempting in some bewitching fashion.

Red nodded.

" Yes. I've notified Invader Zim of the courses of action that will be taken upon his return, and during his absence."

" What was the initial response?"

" Silence. With all due respect, quite detestable silence. As if he'd forgotten all of the instructions of being a worthy Invader." Red said, and passed a cooling chill down his spine. He wanted to express a grin as well, to show his pleasure in deriding a creature that was currently an enemy of the nation, however he didn't feel it was necessary.

" Note worthy. We don't find you ways of purposeful belittlement entertaining. Any additional, and detestable, if that is the language you so appreciate, information not regarding pertinent duties occupy your mind, relieve yourself of such fatuity. It will only dwindle your already small appearance." The solemn voice spoke.

Red felt a tormenting, slow shudder pass down his back, and he swallowed the lump in his throat, hoping it wasn't a visible reaction. His brow was already starting to gather sweat, and he'd tightened his posture. He nodded quickly, and gripped his hands tightly. He cursed himself mentally and lived in embarrassment that notched the heat generated in his body. He wasn't sure if he face was any greener, but considering his nervousness, he wouldn't be surprised if he was. Only shamed.

" Is there any other information you wish to share?" Another voice spoke. Red looked down to the ground, and watched the purple lights stretch around the floor, curving around the basis of the curvature of the room, and adding a luminescent design and aspect within the chamber. He studied it a while longer, and blinked.

" Yes...I have acted further and disabled Zim's usage of technology." He said, trying not to reveal his timidity. He felt his knee tremble furiously. He was sincerely hoping it wasn't also rolling against his robe, and causing a visual representation at the length.

" This wasn't part of our instruction." She stated firmly. Red felt the surging feeling of leaving the room. He didn't want to stay here any longer, but he knew not to act so foolishly.

" I understand. But please consider; with Zim's devices and Computer disabled, he won't be able to access any other users of the same technology. Probable way points will be compromised of his use for any chances of escape."

There was an expanse of silence. One that Red suffered through.

" Your reasoning is valid. However, you fail to understand the meaning of authorization. If a previous message of concern were to be demonstrated, one of probable modes of operation, then it will be granted without further complications. You are blinded to see the simplicity of receiving permission." They spoke. He glanced back up upon the metallic structure of who he was speaking to, and immediately felt an increase of fear. It never ceased to intimidate him when he spoke to them.

They were minds without faces nor expression. Of which gave order and commands to resolve issues and other factoring problems. However any visual representation in the public wasn't required for them. The people followed underneath the rules and faces of the Tallest; they were the messengers, and the base operators of all actions, which were governed, and commanded to by the Control Brains.

Seeing and meeting with them meant it was serious and uttermost critical information you were giving. And anything otherwise was considered disunity and inharmonious nature. There were other, smaller Control brains that were stationed among the city, giving order and requests to Invaders and other high ranked soldiers. However the Imperial Control Brains were seen and only seen by the Tallest. Their grandiose figures were meant as a startling effect for intimidation and compliance. An aspect which performed greatly in it's intended purpose.

Red's throat constricted, and he tried to remain under his composure. He only nodded in response.

" You will be entitled to community governor, rank E, for a month. Any other events or occasions that demonstrate your lack of understanding, will be another addition to your punishment." They informed.

Dammit. Red cursed mentally, and closed his eyes. He lowered his head, and it was accustomed to do this as a show of understanding, will of obedience, and loyalty. After a period of unsettling silence, he was granted his leave. As he entered into the dark hallways, and was allowed to move finally, he felt the cold air touch against the moistness of his brow. He allowed his hand to reach and grasp his forehead.

Community governor was the position of the smaller Control Brains. They listened to the requests and pleads from other individuals and citizens and acted upon accordingly. However, there were also different ranks in that aspect. Rank E was the standard of appeasing the general populace. The civilians and other lowlifes. How joyous their days would be to know Almighty Tallest Red would choose to be such a generous care-giver.

He sighed to himself, and continued down the corridor. He blamed this on Zim.