Chapter Three

…

It's hard to say why I kissed him. I'd like to think I had good reasons, but the reality is I made a stupid decision and I couldn't take it back. It felt sloppy, not what I hoped my first kiss would be like.

He wasn't very responsive at first, more in shock than anything. His hands slowly circled my waist once he came around. It wasn't all too bad, but I knew it was still a mistake. I pulled back, casting my eyes to the floor.

"This is what you needed to tell me?"

I jumped at the sound of her voice, whirling around to find none other than an upset Elsa.

"You hid this from me!?"

Shit.

Once again, I couldn't come up with a coherent sentence to explain anything. I looked up at Kristoff helplessly, not surprised when he just looked between his sister and I, just as confused.

"I-It's not what you think."

As if that wasn't the most cliché answer I could've given her.

She stormed off to her room without a second glance. I was ready to go after her when something tugged on my hand, "Anna, can we talk about this?"

Considering what just unfolded, Kristoff still looked pretty damn happy. It made a guilty feeling creep up my throat. If I had any doubts about Kristoff liking me, they were confirmed by the way he was looking at me. But it wasn't the right time for that kind of conversation with him.

"Can we do this later?"

He nodded, letting me go as I chased after his sister.

Of course, her door was locked when I got there. I knocked relentlessly, pleading for her to open up. I pressed my ear against the wood but couldn't hear a thing, not even the shuffle of feet.

"Elsa, look I'm sorry. I… I'm not even sure what I'm doing anymore." I turned around and pressed my back to the door, letting my shoulders knock up against it. I slid down to the floor, running a hand through my wet hair as I sighed.

"I don't even know why I did it but… Elsa, please just talk to me, the last thing I wanted was to upset you."

The door finally swung open and I landed on my back in surprise. I was suddenly looking up at those baby blues, eyes glossy and narrowed in scrutiny. She searched my face and I couldn't move, not when she looked at me like that.

She parted her lips, the bottom quivered before she licked them and spoke softly, "I'm more hurt than upset, Anna, after what I shared with you I didn't think we'd have secrets between us... especially not this."

I didn't make a move to get up, me being too afraid to even breathe. She decided to join me instead, sitting with her legs crossed while I laid flat between the door frames. We were probably an odd sight, but I'd take this setting compared to a silent door in my face any day. She sighed and started playing with my hair splayed around me.

"Alright, Anna, I'm listening."

I chewed on the inside of my cheek and took a deep breath, "I'm really not sure how to word this better, it just happened. I don't know why I did it, but… I don't know, Elsa."

She was just playing with my hair and it felt nice so I closed my eyes and accepted the silence as a good sign. At least she wasn't screaming at me anymore.

"Do you like him?"

I looked back up to gauge her expression. She was trying to stay calm, taking deep breaths and repeating her hand motions through my hair. I didn't bother over thinking it, I still had to come up with a plausible answer.

She asked me again, changing her words, "Do you want to date him?"

What do you want me to tell you? I kissed him in a fit because I actually like you more than you know…

"I care about him and I know he likes me, maybe it wouldn't be such bad idea…" It'll help me get over you. I probably could really like him if you just wasn't in the picture.

She nodded her head, but didn't seem convinced. I wasn't even convinced with myself. Elsa didn't question my hesitation though, seeming like she wanted to be done with the conversation more than I did.

From the corner of my eye, her phone had lit up with a text message. I didn't have to read it to know who had sent it.

I bit my lip, thinking about Elsa's phone call earlier, "Do... Do you really love her?"

She knew what I was talking about. Her eyes had widened, "You eavesdropped?"

"Overheard."

She sighed, "I... No, Anna, I don't."

"Then-"

"Why did I say it...? I just panicked, so I said it back but I didn't mean it. I'm scared, it's... my first real relationship and I don't know if it's going so well already."

I reached up, holding her hands as she stared at me, "You're wonderful, Elsa. You have nothing to be scared of. You say it when you're ready and if she doesn't understand that then you move on to the next."

She gave me a small smile, slowly growing wider the longer we stared at each other, "Thanks, Anna... I'm sorry about earlier, if you want to date Kristoff... then I'm okay with that. Just... don't shut me out."

I nodded, letting her believe what she wanted to believe. Our friendship was already teetering and I was latching onto Kristoff in the process. It made sense, since he was the one who stayed.

With time and distance I can just be her friend and stop pining over her, make it easier for everyone. I ignored the knot in my belly urging me what a mistake it all was, I had time to fix it but I never did. My problem was that I gave up on her before ever really trying.

We were falling apart by the seams with no control. And I was an idiot for thinking my mistakes would just disappear.

I was right about one thing, it did get easier.

I had stopped trying to ignore her because I didn't need to. She had fallen out of contact with me instead, whether she was too busy with her studies or just refused to talk to me, I wasn't sure. Her postcards were less frequent throughout the months that fell into years and I never bothered questioning her on it. We all just grew up, that's what I told myself. What was there left to say?

Time with Kristoff made the healing process easier and we had gotten into something more serious, something distracting. He became my rock when Elsa disappeared.

I only heard about her from the Knowles' and once in a while she'd grace us with her presence with awkward dinners. She'd usually come back for the holidays every year, but she was hard to catch. Then she just stopped showing up, becoming a stranger to me.

She avoided us.

We weren't too bothered by it, at least, Kristoff wasn't. I just forced myself to forget. I strived to erase that part of my life so I can kiss my boyfriend without the thought of her.

It took me months to neglect my feelings for her and focus my attention on him.

I never thought I had to learn to love someone, always imagining it would just happen on its own. I had myself to blame… or thank, if I looked back on a good day.

On a bad day, I'd have a bottle of wine with a long bath.

I wasn't exactly sure how I was supposed to feel about Elsa anymore. At first, I was disappointed in her and all the broken promises she'd left me with in Chicago.

I'll write to you every month. Yeah, sure.

I busied myself with school when I wasn't distracted by Kristoff. Art became a big deal for me, not just doodles in math class. Art Institute of Chicago was my first step, working my way up to a degree in Sculpture.

It's really funny, I can't go through a day without tripping at least once. But if you give me a chisel set and some porcelain, you won't find a single crack or bump on the surface. It's weird.

It took me a while to figure out my medium. I played with paint, all kinds of paint; acrylic, oil, gouache, etc. Nothing really got my attention like sculpture did.

There was something about it, the idea of changing a solid block into anything. It could be something that defied gravity if I wanted a piece that could hang. And it didn't just have to be clay. The point is, there are really no limits with sculpture.

It explains why I'm usually the last straggler to clean up when class had long ended already… on my birthday.

Wiping down my tools, I swaddled them up and the tucked 'em in the corner of my bag. Grabbing my phone, I finally turned on the sound and wasn't surprised to find several missed calls from Kristoff and a few text messages; some from classmates, one from Mr. and Mrs. Knowles each, and one from dad who still hadn't figured out how to text yet.

Happy bday luv u lots. Dad.

I chuckled at his horribly written message and saved him the trouble by just calling him. It rang twice before he picked up in his chipper tone, "Happy Birthday!"

I smiled against my phone, holding it up with my shoulder while I finished packing up.

"Thank you, Papa. What're you up to?"

"I'm picking up your cake from the bakery."

I gasped in excitement, "I can't wait!" Evidently, knocking down a jar as it clanked on the floor. Shit. It wasn't even sealed as it splattered on a nearby chair.

I could hear my dad chuckle on the other line, "Are you still in class? I thought it ended an hour ago."

I blanched, "Um, I'm leaving now… well I was but now I have to clean something up. Can I call you later?"

"Sure thing."

We ended the call and I stuffed my phone in my pocket. Last thing I needed was getting clay stuck up the speakers again. Wetting a few towels, I picked up the clumps and managed to make the space decent again. I mean, an art studio will never be perfectly clean, which is probably why I feel more comfortable with my mistakes here than anywhere else.

A loud creak came from one of the double doors while I washed my hands, "Babe, are you here?"

Of course he'd come find me. I smiled at the thought, looking over my shoulder, "Yea, I'm here."

Kristoff hugged me from behind as I lathered my hands, kissing the back of my head, "I've been calling you."

"I know, but I really wanted to get far with this one," I could hear him smirk as I reached for a paper towel.

"Can I see it?"

I laughed, "No, she's indecent."

"You always say that."

I spun in his arms to give him a kiss, "For good reasons."

We got better at it, kissing that is. They grew sweet instead of sloppy or rushed.

His hands slid down my arms as he chuckled, "Yeah, Yeah, because they're nude models."

"Exactly, let's get going."

Taking a hold of his hand, I pulled him towards the exit while he slung my bag over his shoulder with one arm.

We took our time getting to his truck, enjoying the crisp air autumn coming around the corner. I pulled out my phone again to reply to a few texts, going through social media while I was at it. Yet, something was nagging me in the back of my mind as I kept swiping up.

Elsa hadn't sent a text. She hadn't called.

I mean, she hadn't done it in years… but, I couldn't help but still wonder each time.

Kristoff caught my sighing, "What's wrong?"

I didn't say anything for a while, rubbing my thumb over his hand. He stayed quiet, knowing fully well by now that I'd start talking soon.

"… I just don't get it."

He raised a brow, giving me a side glance, "What don't you get?"

"I don't know what I did wrong. What did I do to push her away? We were fine."

He hummed in understanding, scratching the scruff on his chin in thought.

"I'm not sure, Anna. She kind of just started doing her own thing in New York, you know?"

I brought up his arm to wrap around my shoulder in comfort, circling my arm around his waist as we neared the parking lot. "Do you think she's still mad at me for whatever reason?"

"I don't see why, the only time I remember her being upset with you was a very long time ago. From what you told me, you guys had talked it out somewhat, right?"

I nodded, leaning my head on his chest as he kissed the top of my head.

"Don't over think it, babe, she's just focusing on her life right now. She'll come around eventually… and if she doesn't, well, you still have me."

I squeezed his waist in response, "Thanks, Kris."

The drive back home was short, pulling up to the familiar gravel driveway and seeing Kristoff's mom already home. A minute later, my dad's car showed up next door and I hopped out of the truck to help him with the cake.

"Hey, Papa," I gave him a kiss on the cheek as he tried to give me a half hearted hug without dropping the cake.

I grabbed it from his arms before it could flip.

"Sorry, sweetie, you got your clumsy nature from me."

I grinned, "I thought I was adopted?"

"Damn, I was gonna wait to tell you," he winked at me as we both laughed at our joke, the crinkles next to his eyes becoming more prominent throughout the years.

"Hey, Allen, you almost beat us here," Kristoff swapped the cake out of my hands and gave me my purse. Somehow, he managed to shake my dad's hand in the process too.

"I could've carried it," I pouted.

He kissed my nose while I tried to push him away, "Better play it safe, babe, I want to actually eat the cake this year."

I blushed, "Last year was an accident."

"Sure it was."

Mrs. Knowles was already getting started on dinner, mentioning Mr. Knowles arriving a bit later thanks to a pushed back meeting. I didn't mind waiting. We made ourselves comfortable, chatting in the living room and munching on cheese cubs in the meantime. I heard the click of the front door locks while Kristoff immersed everyone in one of his stories. No one else seemed to have heard anything so I was the first one up on my feet, rushing to the front door to tease Mr. Knowles for being so late.

Then I stopped in my tracks.

My god she looked fucking stunning. Her wispy bangs brushed back as her hair fell loosely around her shoulders. It was probably the first time I'd seen her hair down. She had on heels, black pumps to match her sleek pants and defining her legs. Her fitting blouse complimented her eyes as they locked onto me. Those baby blues...

"E-Elsa."

She didn't even bat an eyelash, thick mascara giving a dark shadow over her eyelids, "Anna."

This was honestly the last thing I expected. But she was standing there, looking so different… in a good way. She had grown up. I think this was the first time we were alone in a room together in the last five years.

She stood tall and confident, shoulders pulled back with poise that would put anyone to shame. The time felt limitless until I saw her lips curl up… and it felt incredibly genuine.

"Happy Birthday."

I laughed nervously, my hands clammy as I rubbed the back of my neck meekly, "Thank you."

The confident façade she wore weakened as she looked down and bit her lip. There she is, the girl I remember. She fiddled with a box in her hand, hidden under her coat, and looked back up. She took a deep breath and walked towards me, her heels echoing on the marble.

"Here, I got you something…"

I still couldn't believe it just yet, taking too long to register what she had said, "Hm? Oh! You didn't have to."

"I wanted to."

She spoke softly, the moment itself feeling delicate. I felt that lost connection trying to rekindle itself with shy smiles and kind words, struggling to mend. I took the box gingerly, smoothing my hand over the simple brown wrapping and green bow.

My favorite color. She remembered.

I dared a chance to look up into her eyes again, "Thank you... again."

She smiled with rosy cheeks, looking down at me with something tender hidden beneath. I wanted to open it, to pull that ribbon and find something special. I also wanted to savor this, so I held myself back.

She held her hands together and tilted her head, "You're not going to open it?"

I smiled in response, shaking my head as I searched those shades of blue for something. Anything. A reason for the last five years, an answer as to what I did wrong. What I found instead was pain and longing. Something I could relate to, a horrible combination that I understood so well.

My smile faltered.

"I miss you," it came out on its own without a second thought. A whisper that felt like a crash in my eardrums and I couldn't help myself.

Her expression dropped for a second as her eyes wilted. She parted her lips to speak when loud chatter had moved from the living room towards us.

"Elsa!"

Kristoff went over to hug his sister, as if time hadn't separated them. And just like that, Elsa's façade came right back up. It was all tight smiles and awkward hugs from there, taking the beer Kristoff offered as if she were forced.

She didn't make eye contact with me again. She did everything to keep herself busy, in fact. Rolling up the sleeves on her blouse as she helped her mother set the table.

For the first time in five years dinner wasn't too horrible between all of us. Then it was time for the cake.

I wished for the same thing every year, so this year wasn't any different: to live a happy life. Short, sweet, and to the point. But once I blew out the candles, I regretted it.

I didn't want just a happy life... I wanted it with the person I love. I glanced up and found her gaze, smoke from the candles dancing between us.

I knew I still wasn't over her. I was an idiot for even trying. I think I might love you, Elsa Knowles.

A/N: This happened because I called out of work and alcohol. I've been getting a few questions as to why there's Kristanna or if it's going to actually be an Elsanna story at some point. Yea, it's still very much an Elsanna story but I have to build it up.

Anyways, thanks for the support babes. It motivates me like cosmic brownies.