Chapter Seven

...

The downy pillows over my face couldn't drown out the soft staccato outside my door. I had locked myself up in my room the minute we got home from the funeral. All the days were blurred together without anything to keep me busy. I didn't keep track on how long I isolated myself, but I knew I wasn't coming out soon. It probably couldn't have been long because Elsa was still here, checking up on me.

She usually wouldn't even last a week. Guess it needed to be a bitter occasion to get her to stay.

The funeral and everything after was just emotionally draining. Seeing my mom was taking its toll on me and I didn't want to come out of my dark room. Not even for Elsa, not right now.

"Anna, are you hungry?"

I sighed heavily, pretending to sleep so she'd leave me to my thoughts. It was quiet for a moment, but it didn't last, "You have to eat."

Damn, she always knew when I was awake.

"… I'm not hungry."

Her socks padded along the hardwood floor of my room as she came over and sat beside me. Her nimble fingers sifted through the sheets, searching for me as she pulled down on the comforter. I probably looked horrible, but it didn't matter.

And I still couldn't get myself to look at her. It made the silver band around my finger feel that much tighter.

So I opted for staring blankly at the dull wall, the lavender tone washing out to a grey in the darkness. It was almost relaxing, reminiscing on the time I painted my room with my dad, getting lavender everywhere and on our clothes.

Elsa's gentle hand brushed back my bangs, "Anna, talk to me, I'm here for you."

"You weren't before…"

She probably didn't deserve that, wincing at my own words with a heavy sigh, "Shit, I'm sorry-"

"No, it's okay, don't apologize," she didn't stop her movements, scratching my scalp lightly. "Can you try to get out of bed though?"

Her nails felt so nice, but I still wasn't feeling it. I turned my back on her, "I'm really tired, Elsa, maybe tomorrow."

She hummed lowly, her weight shifting off the bed as she pulled the sheets back over me. I curled into myself, covering my head as I heard the door creak, "You know I'm down the hall if you need anything."

"Okay."

She did that a lot. Would come in, ask me if I wanted to do something I was too exhausted to do and then leave by reassuring me she was close. I wasn't in my right mind to think about her stay or how long she'd be here, but it was remotely comforting.

Kristoff's loud footsteps met Elsa's halfway down the hall. Their voices were muffled, but I still heard them. It was hard to block them out. Kristoff sounded tired too, his gruff voice laced with sleep, "How is she?"

"She doesn't want to do anything."

He sighed but it came off more as a low groan, "It's been nearly a week and she hasn't eaten much..."

Elsa clicked her tongue, "Yea, well, she shouldn't be in this house right now."

"What do you suggest then?"

"To get her out of here, somewhere that doesn't remind her of Allen." It hurt to even hear his name being said out loud.

"I can't exactly go anywhere, Elsa. I'm still taking summer classes and working part-time." I couldn't tell if he was being snarky or not.

"I'm not exactly sure what you want me to tell you then." But she definitely was.

There was a pause before Kristoff scoffed, "Wait, hold on. Why doesn't she just go with you?"

My eyes shot open as I jerked my head from under the covers to listen better. What?

"What?" Elsa didn't seem amused.

"Take her with you to New York for a few weeks; she's not taking classes or anything right now. I'll cover any extra expenses and take care of things here."

I could imagine her biting her lip in thought, "… I'm not so sure that's a good idea."

"What're you talking about? You just came up with it."

She sounded flustered now, "I-I didn't mean me-"

"C'mon, Els, she needs you."

Don't I get a say in this? I mean… I'd say yes most likely, but it'd be nice to at least have the option instead of a set decision made for me.

After another long pause, she sighed in defeat, "… Fine, I'll ask her tomorrow."

Nothing else was exchanged after that. They went their separate ways, Kristoff staying on the couch to give me space while Elsa took the guest bedroom. I brought my thumb up to my mouth and lightly bit it in thought. Should I go to New York?

I waited thirty minutes until I was sure everyone was asleep. When Kristoff's snores echoed from my living room, I snuck out of bed like I was six again. My socks shuffled on the wood floors, easing the sound of my tip-toeing. My door made that light squeak as I walked out to the hall. Looking back, I stared at Elsa's door for a long minute before heading in the opposite direction.

I didn't need any company right now.

My dad's room hadn't been touched, rightfully so. You don't bother with the things of a deceased loved one unless you're ready to take the next step in grieving. I wasn't sure if I was, but I wanted to find out. It'd be nice if I could move on from this quicker than what my heart planned. I brushed a hand over his door, pressing my forehead to it with a deep breath. My free hand grazed the knob, ignoring the cold chill of metal as I opened it.

His door never squeaked, always the one door in the entire house that never did. It made sneaking up on him fun. This time didn't feel all that different. Except, he wasn't inside and I couldn't potentially scare him.

His bed hadn't been touched since the last time I made it for him, old slippers waiting for him at the end of his bed. His tacky reading glasses were collecting dust as they lay on top of his night stand. The bottle of his cologne was still uncapped, as if he just used it. A coat hung from the chair near his desktop at the edge of the room, along with his belt dangling.

All little things he'd use on a daily.

I stepped further into the room, wrapping my arms around myself as I looked around. He'll never touch these things again and the idea made me realize I wasn't ready to be in his room. I couldn't bear to look at any of it because I still believed he'd come home and tell me about his day.

Just when I thought I could handle it, something inside me crashed and I started to shake. My cries were quiet, bringing a hand over my mouth as I slowly backed away from the room. If this was going to be how I mourn, it was going to be a long fucking year.

Maybe New York wasn't such a bad idea.

The majority of the trip consisted of sleeping, at least for me. Once in a while, Elsa would shake my shoulder asking me if I was hungry or needed the washroom. I could only get away with denying her for so long before it got old, forcing me to stretch my legs while she pumped gas.

I wasn't sure how long Elsa had been driving for, but she didn't seem to mind it.

All I knew was that is was late when we reached Manhattan. I couldn't see the stars much, but the moon was still bright, casting a glow through the car window. The city itself was bright enough without it, the avenues giving life to the paved streets. It was distracting, which I guess was a good thing. It's why I'm here, right? Distraction.

I expected Elsa to live in one of those snazzy apartments, with a penthouse and a wicked view. So when we pulled along the side of the curb to a squeezed, quaint brownstone apartment for one, I was thrown off… in a good way.

It was cozy and the neighborhood seemed quiet, far from the buzzing traffic and overbearing skyscrapers we kept passing. The more I looked at it, the more I wondered why I was even surprised to begin with. Elsa never really changed throughout the years. She was still that calm, collected person who truly enjoyed their personal space.

And her apartment was a reflection of that. It was a reflection of her for the past five years or so.

Stepping out of the car without a word, I stopped by the concrete steps to take it all in. For the most part it looked like it was in good shape. The whole block did, as if they'd recently added it, but the cracks here and there put some years on it. The dark brick buildings were slowly taken over by baby vines, even around the rails by the steps.

It made the block look even livelier than downtown.

Elsa's apartment was different. She was the only one with her door painted blue. Deep cobalt, a subtle touch that I couldn't help but adore because I knew Elsa had painted it herself. She liked crafts as much as I did when we were younger, I can't imagine why that would change now.

The sound of a suitcase hitting the pavement drew my attention, pulling me from my appreciation to help Elsa with the luggage. "Shit, sorry…"

She smiled gently to herself, making sure the trunk was clear before shutting it, "Relax, Anna, I don't mind."

I pressed my lips together, choosing to leave it be as I followed her into the apartment. Once we were inside she dropped her luggage, switched on a few lights, and stepped to the side to let me pass.

"Well, this is it," she offered with a little shrug. I couldn't tell what was more charming, her apartment or the way she presented it.

It wasn't modernized or cold.

The moment you step in past the welcome carpet, you're in the living room. The soft black sofa draped in knitted blankets took up enough space without taking over the room. A small coffee table was set in the middle with decorative hydrangeas centering it, along with a TV right across and a wide movie collection surrounding it.

They were probably alphabetized.

Her desk was in the far corner by the window, littered with paperwork and a forgotten coffee mug… Several mugs, actually. I was sure I'd find a coffee stain on some of the papers.

The pads of my fingers subconsciously ran down one of the walls to my side, feeling the messy brush strokes Elsa made there. She used spruce and aegean blue on respective walls, a complimenting but daring color combination considering how dark it made the apartment feel.

There were some rough patches where she probably stopped to dip her brush again, starting off with no consistent direction with her strokes. It was comforting, like her tiny mess on the desk.

In general, her apartment was dark but she added color to it with each blanket or pillow. Even her mugs played a part.

It just felt lived in.

One thing bothered me though. The walls were blank. More empty than anything. Not a single frame to fill wall space. Maybe it's just the artist in me but I couldn't help want to decorate them myself.

Walking around the coffee table, I noticed her bedroom didn't really have a door either. There was just a wall that separated the bedroom from the living room with a small opening where a door should be. Kind of how the kitchen was set up on the opposite side. It was open which topped all surprises.

Elsa probably didn't mind not having any doors because this apartment was just meant for one. She has all the privacy once she locks her front door.

I felt her gaze on me, waiting for my approval and watching me take it all in. Shrugging off my sweater, I tossed it over the end of the sofa and turned to her with a weak smile.

"It's cute," I offered, stuffing my hands in the pockets of my worn jeans.

I knew it wasn't the enthusiasm someone would want, but I had my heart set on a hot bath and a clear head right now. She took the compliment regardless, smiling to the floor before clearing her throat.

"Um, there's only one bathroom in my room which we can share… you can also sleep in my bed or-"

"I'll take the couch if you don't mind." I was too eager to decline.

She nodded slowly, "… Okay, whatever you're comfortable with."

In reality, we both could've fit on her bed. It was huge from the small view I had in the living room. It's just- It'd be best if I didn't.

She stayed quiet, going into her room and coming back with spare pillows, "Just use the blankets on the sofa, they're the warmest I have. I'm heading to the shower in a minute then I'll get started on dinner, sound good?"

"Yea, that's fine."

Once I heard the bathroom door shut, I plopped down on the sofa with a sigh and unzipped my duffel bag. Fishing for my toothbrush, I smiled at all the ridiculous things Kristoff thought I needed for a summer vacation. He did miss a few things, nothing I can't buy at the store, but the vapor rub seemed unnecessary.

Holding back a smile, I went for my suitcase next. My toothbrush had to be somewhere. Opening up the biggest zipper, I found all my clothes neatly folded and organized, my toothbrush sticking out in a small inner pocket. What caught my attention was a familiar brown package, tied with a green bow. My eyes softened at the sight, tugging on the ribbon lightly as I picked it up. I'd been so… preoccupied.

I never had a chance to open her gift.

"Why would he pack this?" I mumbled to myself, inspecting the box I'd neglected for so long.

I traced a finger over the edge, following it to the side where I pushed off the tape. I let it rest on my lap and undid the ribbon. Removing the paper, what was left was a dark velvet box. It looked like a jewelry box, but much wider. I hesitated; making sure Elsa was still in the bathroom before pushing up and revealing a simple bracelet.

It was beautiful. The thin chain was silver, long enough to leave a tail over my wrist if I clipped it. Connecting to it was an oval shaped stone, almost cerulean if not darker. The nicest feature was the snowflake design within the stone, it almost looked like stippling. Squinting, I noticed a small scuff on the side and tried rubbing my finger over it. It felt like it had been filled there and buffed down, the texture being different than the rest.

I finally took it out of its case, twirling it in my hand.

Unclasping the hook, I wrapped the bracelet around my left wrist before pausing. It didn't feel right. Putting it on the same hand as my wedding ring, it sounded crazy, I know. But I wanted Elsa to have a spot of her own, so I switched it to the right.

The door to the bathroom had opened just then, Elsa calling out, "It's all yours, Anna. Fresh towels are under the sink."

My throat tightened at the sound of her voice, making it impossible to say anything. She stepped out, brushing her hair, "You okay?"

I smiled fondly, my first genuine smile in a while. Nodding my head, I looked down at the bracelet, "… Thank you."

She finally understood, noticing the scraps of wrapping on the table and the way I played with the stone. There was this light that came from her eyes when she saw my decorated wrist. I adored her gift and she was so proud of it. Biting her lip, she was trying so hard to suppress a grin, she couldn't hold back for very long with the way her cheeks were growing pink. It made my heart ache and the band around my finger tighten in ways I tried to ignore.

"I was worried you didn't… but I'm glad you like it."

I couldn't hold back either, "I love it."

She locked eyes with me, her grin becoming infectious as I grinned back. A girl could get lost in those baby blues… I didn't think I'd mind that one bit.

No matter the circumstances, there was one thing I could rely on. My love for Elsa has always been constant.

A/N: Happy New Year! Hope you all stayed safe, sorry for the minor break. You know, December stuff. A lot of Elsanna to come now that it's just them two.

Thanks for everything!