Chapter Eight

…

"Hey, how're you? How's everything there?"

Oh, you know the usual. How's New York treating you so far, hate it yet?

"Hm, it's okay. It's only been a week though, can't say I've had a horrible first impression yet."

Yea, I'm just being hopeful that you'll come back sooner, I miss you already. Where's Els?

"She went straight back to work."

Not surprised. She's just like our dad… I know she's supposed to be taking care of you in a sense, but make sure she's not overworking herself.

"We'll see…"

Alright, babe, my break's over. Gotta go, I love you.

"Love you too."

Kristoff's name disappeared as tapped my thumb over my phone, ending the call. Perched on the window sill, I leaned my head back against the glass, watching the taxi's outside hustle with the clouds settling into overcast. God, overcast weather sucked. It was bringing me lower than I already felt, snuggling further into one of the many blankets I stole. I mean, if I'm honest, the weather didn't have much to do with it.

I was always tired.

My phone buzzed again in my hand, a few text messages from old friends back home sending me their condolences still. Even Tiana.

I ignored them, choosing to delete the texts before I could actually open them. I just wanted to block it all out, pretend for a little while that it didn't happen. Inadvertently, I twisted my bracelet around my wrist in thought. It was a habit I'd just recently picked up, thanks to Elsa. As if playing with my hair wasn't enough.

I don't know… it felt comforting.

Looking over to the clock on Elsa's desk, I started to gather myself up to shower. Didn't want Elsa to see me sulking again, it'll just make her feel guilty for no reason. Plus, I really wanted a hot shower before she took all the hot water again.

I dropped the blanket on my makeshift bed/sofa and shuffled to the bathroom. Looking at my reflection, I sighed at the pathetic view I had of myself. My hair was disheveled since this morning and still had my pajamas on, too lazy to do anything to it about it all day.

Locking the door, I set the shower head a little lower than Elsa's height and let the steam from the hot water open up my pores. Stripping down, I stepped in carefully, adjusting to the temperature. It was heavenly. My muscles melted at the feeling, rolling my neck to loosen some of the kinks with a groan.

For a while, I just propped myself up along the shower wall. The water ran down my back, lolling through my hair as I closed my eyes.

People change, Elsa, things will change.

I huffed irritably, reaching for the shampoo and scrubbing it into my scalp. I kept scrubbing until the suds had become too much. My hair may have been clean, but not my mind. Not since I opened that brown box, thinking back to when we were younger.

That's true, life changes all the time. But you in my life, that won't change. Do you wanna know how I'm so sure?

I made the water even hotter, rinsing out the shampoo and possibly the nostalgia that I couldn't seem to escape. I didn't want to think about this right now. I shouldn't be.

Because constants are variables that we choose to sustain.

If I reasoned with myself enough I can justify it as just a stage of mourning. But I would be lying to myself, and that was a joke. Mourning or not, this is because I'm closer to Elsa now than I ever have been before. I mean, I'm using her shampoo right now. I'm sleeping in her apartment. I'm wearing a bracelet from her. I'm surrounded by the one thing I tried to keep away for so long and I can't help but wonder if this is some sick form of karma.

In a sense, their plan worked. New York was a distraction, just the wrong kind.

You're the one variable I choose to sustain, Anna.

With a tired sigh, I scrubbed the rest of my body in a hurry. That's when I heard the front door open and close. Speaking of which… "Anna, I'm home."

"I-I'll be right out."

Finishing off my shower, I dried my hair as much as I could and tied myself up in a robe. Stepping out to the cool feel of the apartment, I shivered lightly. It could have also been because Elsa was changing right in front of me in that moment. I caught a glimpse of her bare back before she pulled her shirt down in a hurry, "Oh, sorry, I was trying to be quick before you came out."

She didn't sound very apologetic at all.

"What've you been up to?" She asked, going out to the living room as I followed. There were brown bags all along the coffee table and the distinct smell told me it was Chinese.

"Not much."

Opening one of the bags, she handed me a fork and a take-out box, "Wasn't sure what you liked, so I figured you can't go wrong with fried rice."

I smiled, "Thanks, you didn't have to."

She hummed, "I wanted to." She stayed quiet after, opening another container before plopping on the sofa.

I nodded, taking a few more bits of my take-out before putting it down. It didn't go unnoticed as Elsa eyed me. I thought she'd question my appetite again, but instead… "When was the last time you drew something?"

That was random.

"Oh. Um, I…"

How many months had it been? It was sad really, knowing I was only doing damage to myself each day I ignored it.

"…I can't remember exactly when, but it's been a while."

She nodded, going back to her dinner as if she expected that kind of answer. There was something unsaid and me being me, I pried for answers. Clearing my throat, her eyes fell back on me, "How do you know I draw?"

Her lips twitched to a smirk, "Why wouldn't I know this? That's what you're majoring in anyway. Art, right?"

"Yes, but… How would you know this? No offense but we haven't had a full conversation in years." Of course, I'd be the one to bring up the elephant in the room. It's what I'm good at.

Her smirk faded a bit as she looked down into her carton, "I asked about you… My dad kept me updated."

My brows furrowed at her… confession? It sounded like one, so I'll call it that.

"Why?" I pressed forward into a conversation I think we both knew was bound to happen, I'm a pushy person that way.

"That's a silly question, Anna. You're still my best friend... even if I don't show it," she stood up in that moment, going to the kitchen. It felt like she was running without anywhere to go.

I mulled over her response, meanwhile a cork popped in the background as she came back with a bottle of wine and two glasses. "I've personally had a long day, so I need a drink. The extra glass is optional."

"I thought you hated alcohol."

"Not all alcohol," she smiled playfully, pouring herself the bold red with ease. "You want some or not?"

At first, I didn't want to. Elsa and wine didn't sound like the greatest combo. But hell, I deserved a fucking drink after the shit I'd endured, "I'd love some."

Pouring me a glass, she slid it along the table as I hummed in appreciation.

AI swigged a few eager sips, gulps, ignoring Elsa's amused look behind her own glass. We stayed quiet for a bit longer until my eyes locked onto her baby blues. She tilted her head, almost expectantly, "C'mon, Anna, I know you're not done. What else do you want to know?"

She could always tell when something was on my mind.

Another long sip gave me some guts, "I just don't understand why you chose to shut me out all that time ago if you still cared. I mean, I'm not sure what to believe anymore."

That was the wine talking. I wouldn't have said it otherwise.

Downing the rest of her glass, she poured herself another with a dragged sigh, "…Seemed like a good idea at the time. I just figured it was easier, giving us space to focus on our own shit."

It still didn't make sense to me. "What about the letters you promised?"

She stiffened a bit, taking a slow swig to stall, "Do they even matter anymore?"

"... They did to me," I sighed into my glass. My legs ached as I adjusted on the couch, coming closer than I should so our knees could bump.

Her eyes flicked down to the contact but she ignored it, "Look, I'm… I'm sorry for everything that screwed up our friendship. I can't go back or pretend to know what I was putting you through and I get it if you don't want to be as close as we were before… but there's not a day I don't regret pushing you away. I was stupid and selfish… I probably still am. Just- it was something I needed to do at the time."

She bit her lip, eyes downcast in guilt and I suddenly felt like shit for bringing up the subject. There's a reason why unspoken things are left in the dark, they're painful to bring up. Who the fuck was I anyway? I was no better. I sighed deeply, taking a long swig and emptying my cup. By then, my cheeks were warm and my buzz was pulling me a little closer to her.

"Elsa…" She blinked up, a bit startled at how close we had gotten while she was talking. Neither one of us did anything about it.

My warm palm rested on her knee, "We both messed up. I wasn't any better and you know it. I didn't try to change that, I just accepted it instead." I smacked my lips together, "I settled for..." Careful, Anna. "...well, I just settled."

A second passed and I wondered if she'd caught on to my slip up. She regarded me quietly, searching my face as if she were waiting for me to keep going. "… Anna, do you ever wonder what your life would be like now if you'd done something different in the past? Made different choices, I mean."

With a deep breath, I whispered, "All the time."

I don't know what compelled me to, but I reached out and started playing with her bangs. She closed her eyes and leaned into my touch, looking so peaceful as my chest tightened at the sight. "Hmm, that feels nice," she breathed, leaning further into my hand until my palm caressed her cheek. I was hypnotized and so was she. Swiping my thumb along her soft skin, I stopped tracing it at the corner of her mouth as it twitched lightly. I didn't dare steal a glance at her lips.

She opened her eyes then, long lashes fluttering over her bright irises. She was nervous about something, I could tell from the way she bit her cheek. Eyes scanning my own as she took a sharp breath.

"Do you love him?"

I retracted my hand as if she'd burned me, "Why would you ask me that?"

She knew she overstepped, closing her eyes regretfully and finishing up her glass, "I'm just feeling hopeful." It was muttered carefully under her breath, but I still heard it clear as day.

She stood, grabbing the empty bottle to take to the kitchen as if she were running again. I stopped her before she could take a step, barely registering that I had grabbed her wrist in the process, "Hold on, hopeful? What the fuck do you mean?"

My words may have been whispered but they still made her flinch.

She wouldn't look at me, covering her mouth with the back of her hand that carried the bottle. I felt her body shake as she cleared her throat and looked to me with a sad smile, "It's nothing, Anna… I'm just being dumb. Please, let me go."

It was strained, and there was so much pain behind it. I'd seen that look once before, something I'd never forget. She looked at me that way right before Kristoff proposed. She was crying back then and she was trying to hold back now. I released her wrist in that moment, giving her relief to runaway like she wanted.

She grabbed a key hanging by the wall, avoiding eye contact. I couldn't even call out to her in time. The door slammed as I put the glass down, burying my face in my hands.

Wine was a horrible fucking idea.

After our little wine night, there was nothing but tension. It hung in the air and weighed down on our shoulders whenever we talked or even looked at each other. It lasted for a few days and one day I started to break.

She came home, bags in her hand with groceries and a gentle greeting. I rushed to her, taking half of the bags and helping her to the kitchen. Silently, we started to put things away, maneuvering around each other. But the tension and silence alone were eating me away. I placed my palms on the counter, ready to speak up when she placed a book in front of me.

Huh?

"What's this?"

"A sketchbook…" I looked to her questioningly, hoping for a better answer. She nibbled on her lip and looked at her heels, "And maybe I want to actually see you draw instead of just hearing about it from my dad."

I shook my head in disbelief, "You… You didn't have to do this, Elsa."

She shrugged her shoulders lightly, eyes peering up at me, "I know... but I-"

I smiled softly, "-you wanted to, right?" She broke out into a brilliant smile, running a hand through her long bangs. It was endearing.

Her phone cut our interaction short as she reached for it from her pocket, "Sorry, I need to take this." With a light groan she reluctantly answered, "Elsa Knowles speaking."

She sat at her desk while I put away the groceries for her, attempting to be quiet so I wouldn't disturb the call. She looked so concentrated and distracted, it was cute... and I couldn't help but want to sketch down her expressions from the corner of the apartment. I eyed my new sketchbook in excitement, carrying it to the sofa as I plucked a pencil from a nearby table.

"No, that's not the offer I gave them," Elsa huffed in frustration, playing with the spring of her pen. "They were fine with the first set of numbers, so nothing should be different now." I settled down onto the sofa with my book, cracking it open to a fresh page as my pencil began to scrawl.

She bit her lip and held it there for a good long minute, enough time for me to get it down. She gazed out the window, the sunset hitting her skin perfectly. It almost looked like she had dazed off for a bit.

Then she pinched the bridge of her nose and scanned the room absentmindedly. When she noticed how I was staring at her, she froze. Registering the sketchbook, her lips curled into the warmest smile as she mouthed, "Are you drawing me?"

I smirked and nodded, almost giggling at the way she kept glancing from her paperwork to me and failing horribly to keep her concentration. She didn't even care about what the person on the other end was saying anymore, watching me as I sketched her. It made for a good portrait, catching the way her dimples deepened when she smiled.

"I'm not changing it, just email them the same offer. I'll see you tomorrow."

She didn't take her eyes off of me as she hung up the phone, her smile still in place as she drummed her fingers on the desk.

"... Can I see it?"

I laughed, "Yea, just one second." Adding another scribble here and there, I finished my last doodle before bringing it to her.

She was fascinated, inching the book closer to the light from the window to examine every detail. "Wow, Anna… and this is all from just now?"

I nodded, blushing at her reaction. Usually, I'd be used to any kind of criticism, good or bad, I've learned to stay neutral. But my god, she made me feel so proud about it. It was almost like a craving.

"I'm really impressed," she shut it, handing it back to me. "How do you feel after drawing?"

Clutching the book to my chest, I honestly felt… soothed. I hadn't realized till now how much I needed it.

"Never better," I breathed, trying to hide my smile behind my book.

She hummed in response, "Good, well I'm gonna take a shower and then maybe we can go grab some food?"

"Yea, sounds great."

Giving me another brilliant smile, she headed to the bathroom, giving me time to myself. Deciding to sit in her seat, I stared out the window. The summer warmth felt perfect as I sighed and opened my sketchbook again.

I examined the page with a fondness I'd never really had with my artwork before. I wasn't sure if it was from neglecting it for so long or if it was because of Elsa. It might've been both. Each doodle had a different expression, a different movement that expressed her personality.

My favorite sketch was the last one. The one she was smiling in.

God, she looked gorgeous.

I traced a nail along the lines that created her lips, stopping at the corner of her mouth just like I did that night we had too much wine. My brows furrowed a little bit at the thought. A lot of things were left unsaid after that night, like this weird tension between us. It was just dropped like everything else we ever talk about.

Easy to ignore but impossible to forget.

A/N: Hello! Hope everyone's doing well, next chapter is definitely going to escalate between them, so that's something to look forward to.

Thank you to everyone who left reviews, comments, concerns. Thanks for those who reached out to me through PM's and I always appreciate every follow/fav so thanks again! See you next time.