Celeborn and Galadriel arrived just over an hour after Thranduil did, bringing a distraught Arwen with them. Knowing that Elrond would want to spend some private time with his daughter and in-laws to tell them the entire story as well as the bad news, Thranduil politely took his leave and went for a walk in garden.
He had barely made it five steps out into the lush gardens of Imladris when he felt the trees call out to him; telling him of a frightened and distressed wood-elf who was crying in the trees. Thranduil's thoughts immediately turned to Legolas, but his paternal connection with his son corrected him; reassuring him that it was not Legolas who was so upset. This only left one other wood-elf…
Thranduil followed the call of the trees to the roots of a huge oak tree, where his sharp ears picked up the sound of stifled, frantic sobs descending from behind the mass of green leaves.
"Faelwen!" he called gently. "Come down from there!"
At the sound of Thranduil's voice, Faelwen began to cry harder. She had always had a soft spot for the Elvenking, verging on hero-worship and to have him here right now to witness her shame only added to Faelwen's already considerable heartbreak.
Brows knotting with worry, Thranduil quickly ascended into the tree and found Faelwen huddled up on a cluster of branches, with her arms wrapped around her knees. She flinched violently when Thranduil touched her shoulder.
"Easy now, it's only me. There's nothing to be afraid of," said Thranduil gently "Let's get you down from here, shall we?" And with the utmost care, he lifted her into a secure embrace and carried her back down the tree to the ground.
He guided her towards one of the many stone benches which littered the gardens and sat her down. She was barely recognisable; her face swollen and puffy, her eyes red and bleary, her hair dishevelled and a blank, distant expression on her face.
She would not meet his eyes; a fact which immediately worried him. They sat for a goodly while in silence, the Elvenking unwilling to force the younger elf into speaking her mind. He simply sat in patient silence, rubbing her back now and then. He suddenly noted the faraway expression in her sad green eyes.
"You are miles away, elfling," said Thranduil gently, reaching up to wipe some of her tears from her face. "Return to me so that I can help you."
Those words jarred Faelwen from her daze and, giving a wrenching sob, she buried her face in her hands.
"You cannot help me!" she wept. "No one can! I did it again!"
"Did what again, Faelwen?" questioned Thranduil in bewilderment.
"Deprived my brothers of their mother! It's all my fault! It's…all…my…fault!" she sobbed.
And suddenly, everything became clear.
"Faelwen, look at me." asked Thranduil softly. When she refused, he gently cupped her chin and forced her to meet his eyes.
"You are not to blame!" he said firmly. "However can you be?"
"Ada said…he s-said she was healing! She would have got b-better in time! But then…then I had to open my m-mouth…and m-m-mention the peace to be found in Val-Valinor! I can't believe…I was so careless! Does…Ada want me to leave now he knows what happened?"
The last sentence was asked in such a fearful tone that Thranduil thought he might weep. He pulled her into his arms and held her close to his chest, rocking her in an attempt to calm her down a bit, but it was no use – she was hysterical.
"Faelwen, of course your Ada does not want you to leave!" he told her. "And he knows exactly what was said! Elrond loves you Faelwen, unconditionally, and he would never treat you so cruelly. Never."
"But if I hadn't…" Faelwen couldn't be comforted.
"You did nothing wrong!" soothed Thranduil. "Faelwen, I expected this decision as soon as I heard that Celebrian had been attacked!"
"But she…you did?" Faelwen choked on a hiccup.
"I did," repeated Thranduil. "All Elven souls are pure. To have them tainted is more than we can bear in most cases. You are an exception of course – it was nothing short of a miracle that you managed to survive when we first found you, but I knew when I heard the news that such an attack would ultimately lead to Celebrian having to choose between Valinor or Mandos. That was why I travelled here. I knew that Elrond would need someone there for him. And now I am doubly glad I came, because I can be there for you too. It was not your fault Faelwen. You must let go of this blame."
"I thought they would hate me!" Faelwen sobbed brokenly, suddenly wrapping her arms around Thranduil and burying her face in his tunic. "I thought they would suddenly become what my brothers were."
"I know," whispered Thranduil, rubbing her back. "You linked the two situations and predicted the same result; nothing else could be expected, considering what you endured when you were an infant. But believe me penneth – and I would not say this unless I was very sure of my opinions – Elrond loves you very dearly and has been nearly going out of his mind with worry all morning because he couldn't find you. Nothing was farther from his mind than blaming you – he wanted to make sure you were all right."
Faelwen was still crying quietly. Thranduil's words had soothed her a great deal but the shadow of fear still lurked in her heart. Thranduil, perceiving that she had calmed, offered to walk her back to the house.
"You look like you need something to eat." he said firmly. "And then we will go and find Elrond."
Nodding meekly, Faelwen got to her feet, swaying dangerously on tired legs. Before she knew it, Thranduil had scooped her up into his arms as though she was a tiny infant again.
"No arguments!" said Thranduil sternly, cutting off her protests. "You are tired, weak and you are still upset. You are going to lie down as soon as we get back inside!"
True to his word, Thranduil took her straight to her bedroom and placed her atop the comfortable bed. He draped a warm blanket over her trembling form and then sat at her bedside, stroking her hair and murmuring soft reassurances until the young elf's sobs had subsided enough for her to fall into a deep sleep.Satisfied that she would not wake anytime soon, Thranduil departed the room quietly and went in search of Elrond.
She thought…how could she…mellon-nin you know I would never blame her like that!" cried Elrond, looking horrified. "How could she think I would do that to her?"
"I do not think she is thinking very rationally at all at this time, Elrond." said Thranduil comfortingly. "But you are forgetting – she has already gone through the trauma of losing a mother once, and you know very well how that situation turned out. She is simply linking this situation to past experience and convinced herself that she would once again be blamed, for she really does think she is guilty."
"Where is she now?" asked Elrond urgently.
"I put her to bed," said Thranduil. "She cried herself nigh into unconsciousness so I carried her back to her room and made sure she got some rest. I did not leave until I was certain she was asleep."
"Thank you, gwador," said Elrond gratefully. "I cannot believe I did not see this coming!"
"Don't blame yourself, Elrond," soothed Thranduil. "You have had enough to worry about, and besides no elf would normally blame themself so harshly. It's due to the abuse that was heaped on her in the past that Faelwen acts this way; not because she truly thinks you would blame her."
"Thranduil is right, Elrond," said Celeborn quietly. He had remained behind to talk with his son-in-law while Galadriel and Arwen had gone to sit by Celebrian's bed. "It is not that she fears you…she fears losing you."
"I will set her straight," said Elrond fervently. "I will be there when she wakes."
Groggily, Faelwen rubbed her eyes and slowly sat up in bed. It felt as though she had been asleep for hours, for her room was dim now. She took a deep shuddering breath, remembering what Thranduil had said to her earlier in the afternoon. Was he right? Would Elrond truly not turn from her? There was only one way to find out…she had to go and face her Ada right now.
Taking her hands away from her eyes, Faelwen swung her legs round and put her feet one the ground. She raised her head and started violently. Elrond was sitting in the chair by her bed. She felt her heart begin to pound.
Elrond got abruptly to his feet and strode quickly towards her. Faelwen flinched violently as he grabbed her shoulders, but her alarm was quickly dulled as he pulled her to her feet and into a strong embrace.
"A-Ada?" she gulped.
"Oh, iel-nin, how could you possibly think I would treat you like that?" he asked quietly, running his hand over her hair. "I would never hurt you like that! There is no reason for me to blame you!"
"No reason? But I…"
"I know," Elrond cut her off. "You spoke of Valinor and the peace to be found there."
"I'm sorry Ada, I spoke without thought!" Faelwen rambled, not noticing that Elrond's tone was far from angry or accusing. "If I'd had any idea that this was going to happen I would never have…"
"Faelwen, stop right there!" said Elrond sternly, causing her to look nervously into his eyes. "Sit down." Faelwen obeyed immediately, sitting down on the edge of the bed, while Elrond resumed his position in the chair, reaching over to hold her hand.
"You are seeking blame where there is none to be had, young one," he said gently. "If anyone is responsible, it is the orcs. There is nothing that I, or the twins, or you could have done.
"And while yes, it is because of your words that your Naneth has opted to leave for Valinor," Faelwen went ghostly pale. "Iel-nin, that is not a bad thing."
"I-It is not?" Faelwen's head was reeling. Elrond shook his head.
"It is not," he stated. "If anything, you deserve to be commended for helping her make that decision." Seeing Faelwen's shock and confusion, he continued. "Faelwen, answer me honestly, child. Which do you think I would prefer: losing your mother to Mandos, and being parted from her forever; or being separated from her for a few centuries but ultimately being reunited in Valinor, where she will be healed?"
"You would prefer that she go to Valinor," Faelwen whispered hoarsely, her teary eyes widening. She had actually heard herself – it was not her fault!
"Of course I would," Elrond gave her an encouraging smile. "I know why you were so afraid, penneth, it was almost history repeating itself and you have already had to go through an ordeal like this before. But believe me, Faelwen, and I will say this as many times as it takes to convince you. I will never stop loving you. Neither will the twins. And there is nothing that can happen to change that. Do you understand?"
"Yes Ada," Faelwen nodded, dizzy with relief. "I'm sorry for being so stupid."
"Nonsense," said Elrond, hugging her close again. "Now come along, you need to eat and I've no doubt that Glorfindel and Erestor will be glad to see that you've turned up again."
Far too overcome to argue, Faelwen allowed herself to be led from the room again.
Celebrian's departure was a very difficult day for them all. Elrond had explained to his children that, due to effect the sea had on elves, they would not be able to accompany her to the havens, so they all assembled in the courtyard of Imladris to bid her goodbye.
Having said farewell to Thranduil and Legolas, then exchanging sad embraces and farewells with her parents, Celebrian turned to her children; all four of whom had tears running down their faces.
"It is not permanent," she whispered comfortingly, stroking Elladan's cheek. "We will see each other again.
"We will miss you, Nana," Elladan choked, while Elrohir, unable to speak, nodded fervently at his side. Celebrian drew them both into her arms and hugged them tightly.
"My brave warriors. I love you both so much. Look after your sisters for me," she whispered, fiercely blinking back her own tears.
"We will, Nana," sobbed Elrohir. "We promise."
"Iel-nin," Celebrian turned to Arwen, who rushed to her arms, sobbing frantically.
"Let me come with you, Nana!" she pleaded tearfully.
"You are too young, Arwen," Celebrian soothed her. "Your time will come, my darling. You will always be in my thoughts. Time is not such an obstacle to the elves; it will not be too long before we are all reunited."
"I love you Nana," Arwen sobbed brokenly.
"I know. I love you too," Celebrian kissed her daughter's forehead. "Take care." Finally she turned to Faelwen with a sad smile.
"You have come such a long way, child, and I am proud of you," she said, hugging her close. "And you must not forget that you are blameless in this matter." Trembling, Faelwen nodded into her shoulder, not trusting her voice.
"You must look after yourself properly." Celebrian told her softly. "No more reverting to past habits. My love will stay with you until I see you again."
"As mine will with you, Nana," Faelwen gave into her tears.
And lastly, having bid farewell to her children, Celebrian found herself face to face with her husband and the most difficult moment of her life.
"My heart will always beat for you," she vowed, as he took her hands in his own. "And it will ache every minute until we are reunited again."
"You take my heart and my love with you," said Elrond, fighting to keep his composure. "When my time here has ended, I will hurry to your side once more."
Celebrian granted him a last smile and a tender, loving kiss before he escorted her to her horse and helped her to mount.
"Take care of her," he instructed to the leader of her guards.
"I will, my lord," he vowed. "You have my word on it."
And with one last wave, Celebrian rode out of the courtyard, leaving more than one heart breaking behind her.
OOO
After a quiet and subdued meal that night, Faelwen once again retreated to the solace of the gardens. The day had simply got worse as time went on. Arwen had announced that Celeborn and Galadriel had offered to take her back with them in Lorien when they returned home; an offer which she had accepted. They had extended the same offer to Faelwen, who had politely declined; unable to bear the idea of being separated from Elrond and the twins. The house was going to feel deserted when everyone departed now!
Sighing despondently, Faelwen down in the shelter of the great oak tree, brushing away her tears. Though her heart was no longer burdened with guilt, the burden of grief was just as heavy.
"Do you mind if I join you?" asked a pleasant voice on her right, and Faelwen looked up to see Legolas standing beside her.
"Of course not, Legolas," she made a weak attempt at a smile and shifted to make room for him. She loved Legolas as dearly as she did the twins and always had time for him, taking delight in his company.
"For what it is worth, I know how you feel. I felt the same when my mother died." Legolas said softly, wrapping an affectionate arm around her waist.
"Does the pain ever go away?" asked Faelwen bleakly, and Legolas tightened his hold.
"Not really," he said quietly. "But it does get easier, I promise, with time. You can preserve your mother's memory in your heart until you see her again. I wish I could remember mine more clearly, but I was so young when she died that I have so little of my memories survived."
"How did you fight the grief?" asked Faelwen.
"You can't really," said Legolas sadly. "And I know that there can hardly be a bright side, but be grateful that you still have your Ada. I will always be thankful that the Valar blessed me with my father. I know the twins always tease me and say that I am an Ada's boy – and I suppose they're right, I am. But Ada is all I have and he was there for me every minute of my life after Nana died, even when it was interfering with his duties. He would let me play with my soldiers by the fire in his study while he held a council meeting and he must have had so many disturbed nights when I was having the nightmares, but he was always there to comfort me and never lost patience." Faelwen smiled understandingly. Legolas's love for his father was clear in every word he spoke.
"I know what you mean. Ada and the twins were there for me in the same way when you found me. You're right, I'm glad I still have them to turn to."
"That is the only way to cope," said Legolas, sounding far older than he was. "Be there for each other and just take it one day at a time. Look! Earendil is beginning his nightly path across this sky. Let us watch him."
As the two of them lay back to watch the stars, Faelwen knew that Legolas's advice was the best she could have wished for. He was right, she knew. She let her love for Ada and the twins guide her through…and wait to see what the future would bring.