Chapter 12

A/N: Hi guys. Sorry for not updating in ages. My laptop broke and I've got loads of revision for exams at the moment. I'll try to keep writing regularly, but even if I don't, don't worry- I won't leave this story. And there's only a few chapters left anyway. So enjoy! Please leave feedback. Oh, and RIP Beth .

Pain. It tore through Carl's soul and made his existence seem pointless. His mind was a static blur, filled with images of happy times with Ashley one moment, before returning to a black void the next. He felt empty, after months of slipping away to meet Ashley and assisting with her camp, it had all ended the same way. With death. Death, the omnipresent force, always waiting hungrily in the shadows, waiting for an opportunity to pounce. And it had. He'd lost Ashley, his true love, taken from him in a single, blood-filled second. The town must have been over run, most likely from a herd of walkers. Carl and Rick had found a dead David, before venturing further into town had revealed a zombified Ashley. Carl had had to put her down, and he knew he would always remember the single bullet that had shattered his entire world.

''I don't think I can do this,'' whispered Carl, his feet becoming motionless as he finally felt his strength give way.

Rick, who was slightly in front, turned and gazed at his heart-broken son. He'd helped Carl bury Ashley, before leaving Carl to say a final farewell. Since then, they'd been trekking through the dark woods and Rick knew they'd be back at camp soon. How he would explain what had happened was beyond him. Still, at least the herd had passed on. There was no direct threat to the survivors now, leaving only the problem of what to do with Carl. That thought brought him back to the present.

''I know you can, Carl,'' murmured Rick, dipping his head. ''You've faced worse.''

''Yeah, I have,'' replied Carl, his eyes glassy, almost not seeing. ''But I loved Ashley. We planned a future. We...we...we were going to survive together. But then...''

A fire ignited inside Carl, and he felt his heart allow space for a second emotion: anger.

''Then this fucking world took her from me,'' screamed Carl, spinning around in utter despair and frustration.

''Watch your mouth,'' growled Rick. ''I know you're upset but we can deal with this.''

''Can we?'' hissed Carl, turning to face Rick again. ''How? Mom's pregnant, we have no shelter, and people keep dying!''

''No more,'' vowed Rick. ''I won't let anymore die.''

''Can you control who lives and who dies then?'' inquired Carl, almost sarcastically.

''Of course I can't,'' growled Rick. ''People die all the time. I can just try to stop it.''

''But you can't always succeed?'' pointed out Carl.

Rick shook his head.

''Then what's the point?'' croaked Carl, as he once again felt hot tears streaming down his face.

''Because people don't have a choice when or how they die,'' replied Rick. ''But us, the living, chose how we live. We can't stop people from dying. But we can make sure that our lives mean something so they don't die for nothing. You understand?''

''But how do I make my life mean something?'' sniffed Carl.

''By surviving, Carl,'' answered Rick. ''By surviving.''

''I can do that,'' whispered Carl.

''Then do it,'' encouraged Rick. ''Make Ashley proud.''

''I will,'' nodded Carl.

''Good,'' said Rick. ''Then let's get home.''

Together, father and son, continued the walk back to their camp. Carl knew it would take a while for the pain to disappear, but it had been worth it. And he had a future to look forward to. In the god-forsaken world they lived in, how many people could say that?

Months later

Lori was dead. His mom was dead. Carl's head still rang with the sound of the gunshot. The gunshot he'd fired. He'd put his mother down. And everything was gone. There was no purpose to life anymore. Ashley was dead and now his mom was too. People just kept dying. And there was nothing he could do to stop it.

As Carl sat quietly in his cell, he felt a sense of betrayal. Rick, his dad, had talked about their future, all those months ago. How they had one. He still felt pain from Ashley and now this. How could he believe there was a future when now his mom was dead? On top of that Rick himself was gone. He hadn't been seen since the revelation of Lori's death and had headed towards the tombs. For all Carl knew he was dead too. So what was the point? What was the point...?

The sound of crying interrupted Carl's thoughts. He lifted his head. Who was crying? It grew louder, until suddenly Beth entered his cell, carrying the new baby herself: his sister.

''You wanna hold her?'' inquired Beth, giving him a nervous smile.

Carl looked at the small form, oblivious to the nightmarish world she'd been born into. She looked so fragile, and tiny but Carl knew she was strong. She was his mother's daughter. His sister. His sister...

''Um...yeah, sure,'' answered Carl.

Beth sat down next to him and placed the delicate package in Carl's arms. Carl gazed down into her small, innocent face and felt a warm feeling begin to enter his heart.

''Daryl's gone out to get her formula,'' whispered Beth. ''She's going to survive.''

Looking down into his sister's tiny face, Carl felt a seed of hope begin to grow inside him. He'd lost his mother and girlfriend but he'd gained a sister. He knew she'd survive. She had to. She was alive and that gave Carl hope. Hope for the future. Hope for the group.

''I know she is,'' agreed Carl. ''She's my sister.''

Months ago

''Lori, I have something to tell you,'' said Rick.

Him and Carl had just returned, and after watching Carl trudge moodily to his bed under the undergrowth, Rick had walked over to where Lori was sat by the campfire. Rick knew he had to tell Lori about Carl and Ashley, but as far as he was concerned no-one else needed to know. How he was going to tell Lori was a different matter all together.

''Rick?'' asked Lori, turning to look up at him, confusion clouding her eyes. Since the farm they'd barely spoke.

''I need to talk to you about Carl...''

After lying in his bed in silence for what seemed like hours, Carl decided to get some fresh air. He pushed himself out of the undergrowth which protected his shelter, and took a seat on an upturned log a few metres from the entrance to his bed. It was evening and Carl could barely see the other side of the clearing. He sat there for hours, gazing into nothing. Silence surrounded him and engulfed his brain. Therefore, it came as a shock when a figure emerged from the gloom holding out what looked like a plate to him. It was Beth.

''I got you something to eat,'' smiled Beth, holding the plate out towards him.

Carl shook his head. ''No thanks, I'm not hungry.''

''You gotta eat,'' insisted Beth, placing the food down on the log next to him. ''I'll leave it here for you and you can get it when you want.''

Carl nodded. ''Okay.''

Beth gave him another smile then vanished back into the gloom.

When at last Carl emerged from his semi-conscious state, he realised what had happened. He'd barely registered it had been Beth who'd brought him food, let alone the fact she'd smiled at him. Hmm, Beth had smiled at him. Twice. He liked that.