Beta by wendwriter - thanks.
When Faelwen woke up the next morning, she was momentarily confused when she sensed that there was someone lying next to her in her bed. It took a couple of seconds before she realised that it was Elladan and she blushed when she remembered that he was there because she had screamed like an elfling in the middle of the night.
But it was all going to end today. Faelwen's stomach twisted into a sickeningly tight knot. She had to tell them today. She had to tell them who she was. Everything could change today.
Worriedly, she rubbed at her eyes and swept her tangled hair out of her face before nudging her still-slumbering brother.
"Elladan, wake up," she said, rising from the bed. "We have to get up now."
Elladan groaned theatrically, but obediently opened his eyes. He looked momentarily confused as to his whereabouts, before comprehension dawned. He sat up groggily and squeezed his sister's shoulder.
"Are you all right?" he asked, glad to note that the dagger he had strategically placed out of her reach was still on the other side of her bedroom. He suddenly realised what a silly question he had just asked.
"I just want this over and done with!" said Faelwen edgily. "I can't take anymore worrying about it, Elladan. It's driving me mad! I'm doing it today!"
"You look ill," Elladan observed seriously. "This really does need to end today, Faelwen. I hate seeing you like this. You get dressed, now. Elrohir and I will wait for you and walk you down to breakfast. Let Ada know what you've decided. He will want to be with you when you tell them." He headed for the door.
"Elladan!" Faelwen called hesitantly, and he turned back. She blushed. "Thank you, for staying with me last night. I thought I'd grown out of nightmares but…evidently not."
"Don't be silly!" said Elladan, flashing her a broad smile. "I didn't mind. Even when you're screaming, you're easier to bear than Elrohir's snores!"
Faelwen had to give a weak smile at that and, as her brother left the room, she began to get dressed very quickly; barely paying attention to what she was doing. She swallowed nervously, looking in the mirror and studying her reflection with sudden intensity.
It had been centuries since she had watched her past in that mirror and now she had practically no memory at all of her biological father, except that his name had been Calanon. In fact, she had done her best not to think about him ever since she had arrived in Imladris, but now she suddenly wondered if she looked at all like him.
What would he think of me? She wondered curiously. Would he like me? Would he like who I have become?
A knock at the door startled her.
"Fae?" called Estel's voice. "Can I borrow a hairbrush? I can't seem to find mine!" Dear Estel, she could always trust him to burst in at the right moment and take her mind off her worries! She opened the door and greeted the tousle-haired young human with a wry smile.
"Again?" she asked incredulously. "Estel, I am going to tie it to your bedpost one of these days! That might stop you losing it constantly!"
"I just keep mislaying it, that's all." replied Estel with a shrug. "To be honest, it doesn't really bother me if my hair's brushed or not, but Ada expects me to be tidy for breakfast time."
"Yes, because he knows that it is the only time of day that you'll be tidy!" said Faelwen with a knowing smile, handing him a hairbrush. "I've never seen anyone attract mud and dirt like you do!"
"Well, we all have our own unique talents!" said Estel with a cheeky grin that still looked as adorable on his seventeen-year old face as it had done when he was five.
"Well, O talented one," came Elrohir's voice sarcastically from the door. "How about you brush that bird's nest you call hair and we can all head down to breakfast? I'm starving!"
Every few seconds during the meal, Faelwen found her eyes straying towards the table where Alyan and the others were sat. The stress was making her stomach churn painfully but, strangely, she found that this simply made her even more determined to get the whole process of revealing her true identity over and done with once and for all. It was time to stop running.
"Ada, can I talk with you please?" she asked quietly, as they rose from the breakfast table at the conclusion of the meal.
"Of course you can," said Elrond at once. "Would you like to do so here, or would you rather we went to my study?"
"I'd prefer if we went to the study please," Faelwen replied and so the two elves at once retired to the serenity of the quiet room.
"Now, how can I help you, iel-nin?" asked Elrond kindly, sitting down beside Faelwen and noticing the way she was toying with her hair again – she'd never grown out of that habit, nor of being fidgety when she was nervous.
"I…I want them to know, Ada!" the young elf blurted out in a rush. "I cannot stand this worry; the fear that they might suddenly recognise me. And Feredir is on the mend now, so I shan't be able to hide it much longer anyway. I just want it done with and…"
"Easy there. Calm down, sweetheart," Elrond stemmed her flow of words. "If you want to tell your brothers today, then I will be there and I will help you."
"I have to. This has to stop!" said Faelwen distractedly. "I can't go on fearing the past all my life. I've done it for long enough. I even woke poor Elladan up last night because I screamed the house down in my sleep. I'm not an elfling anymore – I need to stop acting like one. I cannot be a coward anymore! I must face this!"
"Little one, you are certainly no coward; surviving all the things you have been through! I will help you - as long as you are certain that is what you want to do," said Elrond gently, taking her hand. "But I want you to know one thing before we go any further. No matter what happens, you will still be a part of this family, you will still be my daughter and I will still love you. Are we clear on that?"
"Very," said Faelwen, with something almost like her usual smile. "Thank you, Ada."
"That's what I'm here for," said Elrond with a smile, drawing her into a one-armed hug and resting his chin on the crown of her head. "And, for what it's worth, I think you are going to emerge from this a very remarkable young elf indeed."
Feredir remained peacefully in a healing sleep all morning, much to Faelwen's relief, so she was spared having to explain her history to him; meaning that she only had one problem to concentrate on. She was also relieved to see that his wounds seemed to be healing quite quickly. He was definitely out of danger.
The morning passed far, far too quickly!
Faelwen's heart quadrupled its normal rate when she entered her father's study once more in the afternoon. Elrond, the twins and Haldir were already there and were in the processing of making Estel promise to keep his mouth shut.
"I will as long as all goes well!" the seventeen year-old was muttering mutinously. "But if they try to harm her in anyway, even just with words, then I will hurt them!"
"You'll have to join the line, little one." said Elladan grimly, ruffling Estel's hair – which now bore no sign of having seen a hairbrush that day. "But just remember – Faelwen will tell them in her own time, so keep quiet. No blurting things out and no losing that temper!" They suddenly realised that Faelwen had joined them.
"Are you sure you want to do this?" Haldir asked her softly, rubbing his hand up and down her arm. She gave a single nod, her face taut and grim, squeezing his hand tenderly. A knock sounded at the study door, making her completely tense up. She sat down; her eyes ice-cold emeralds.
Alyan, Nithron, Voronwë, Raunien and Aradan filed solemnly into the study; all looking slightly surprised when they saw so many people there. Once more, Nithron's eyes lingered on Faelwen with the same puzzled expression, as though he recognised her but did not know from where. All five remained grave as they took their seats.
"My lady, how is our brother?" asked Alyan at once, anxiousness lacing his voice. "Will he be alright?"
"I cannot be certain," Faelwen had no idea why she chose to lie at that moment, but the words seemed to come of their own accord. She was sure that they could all hear her heart pounding. "You must understand, your brother took some appalling wounds. I have done all I can; he is in the hands of the Valar now. He may have to remain behind when you depart."
Elrond – always an exceptional judge of character – watched shrewdly to see how the brothers reacted to this false information. They all went horrifically white and Alyan shook his head in vehement denial.
"We cannot lose him!" the eldest brother said desperately. "Please my lady, if there is any way that we can help, let us do it! They say you have the power to channel healing energy – if need be than you can channel as much energy as needed from the five of us! My father has already lost a wife and a child, he will never survive it Feredir dies. Please do not give up on him!"
"Be calm," said Faelwen, taking a deep breath. She met her elder brother's eyes and held the gaze coolly. "I would never do anything to place Feredir's life in danger. Or our father's."
She'd said it. Her heart threatened to explode. By the Valar, she'd said it!
At the word 'our' five silver heads shot up sharply and five sets of blue eyes locked on her with shock, deep unease and utter disbelief.
"You clearly do not recognise me, Alyan," she said, doing her best to remain calm and detached. "But that hardly surprises me. After all, I was a lot smaller when last we met."
Her brothers were gaping at her with strange, unreadable expressions; while Faelwen could sense the twins standing tense and grave behind her, ready to step in if she needed them. In front of her, Nithron shook his head slowly.
"But you…we thought you must be…that's…you can't be," he finished lamely.
"I can, I assure you," said Faelwen laconically. "Alassë Calanoniel never died. Instead, she was taught how to live. And I am her."
And now Faelwen, once Alassë, held her breath and waited for the dam to burst.