Betad by Wendwriter

Haldir felt Faelwen's tears soak into his shoulder and he lovingly held her tighter. He wished he could take the hurt away from her but, sadly, no one could do that.

Overcome with emotion after hearing her blood-brothers' tale, she had excused herself to get some air and he had gone with her. She was calming now, though still greatly distressed. And who could blame her, Haldir wondered. Had Orophin or Rumil told him such a story of malice and grief, he very much doubted that he would have been able to keep his composure either!

As her sobs died away completely, he raised her face with gentle hands and then tenderly kissed the tears from her cheeks, wiping their tracks away with his thumbs.

"Your eyes were not made for weeping, melleth-nin," he whispered, before placing a gentle kiss atop each of her eyelids. She replied with a watery smile, raising a hand to run it gently through his silver hair. How grateful she was to have him here!

"Are you all right?" he asked seriously. She seemed to have got the emotion out of her system at ant rate, which was good, he thought. She took a deep breath.

"I feel sick," she confessed quietly. "But I think that is from crying so much. I'm sorry for making such a scene…but it was a bit too much to take at one hearing."

"Don't be silly, you don't have to apologise for getting upset," Haldir told her with a warm smile. "It pained me to see you so. Let me tell you, had I not been holding you then your Ada would have had someone else to restrain, for I have never been so desperate to hurt someone in my life, as I was those five elves!"

"My fierce warrior," said Faelwen, with something more like her usual smile, as she embraced him affectionately. "I was so glad you were there. I do not think I could have borne his story had I not had you beside me."

"You do not have to go back, Faelwen," Haldir said, dropping a light kiss onto her hair. "If you feel unwell, we can go into the woods or down to the Bruinen until you feel better."

"No, I want this over and done with for good," said Faelwen, passing her hand over her face and getting to her feet. "I just want to shut the door on my past forever and look forward to the future. With you."

"Worry not, I will be there!" confirmed Haldir, rising from the stone bench on which he had been sitting and lacing his fingers with hers. "I'll always be by your side."

They walked quickly back inside and returned to Elrond's study, where everyone else had remained. Faelwen's stomach twisted again as they went through the door, but she was able to smile in response to the twins' and Estel's worried glances. She sat down once again, still holding Haldir's hand and took another deep, steadying breath.

"Are you all right, iel-nin?" Elrond enquired gently. She nodded mutely, her eyes red and swollen from her weeping.

"I'm sorry," said Alyan sincerely. "It must have been a lot for you to take."

"It was, rather," Faelwen replied, not quite able to meet his eyes. "It was a little…overwhelming."

"Do you think you will be able to tell us your side?" asked one of the others. She thought it was Voronwë, though it had always been difficult to tell him and Raunien apart. "We never expected to see you again. Especially not in an elf-dwelling."

"It's not a problem if you do not feel up to it, Faelwen." Elrond spoke up, looking at her weary face. "If you have had enough for one day, it is perfectly understandable."

"It is all right, Ada," Faelwen gave him a grateful smile. "I'm a lot calmer now." Elrond reached out to give her shoulder an encouraging squeeze, then she turned towards her blood relations and began to talk.

"Well, to pick up where you left off – for want of a better expression – I was in Faelurinc's possession, terrified of my huge master and confused as to why my Ada had hated me enough to allow my brothers to hand me over to him. But I would remember Alyan's words – I had killed my Nana and I deserved to suffer. My name was cursed and I deserved this pain.

After that first day, my back was never whole again. For every trivial mistake, or even when they just wanted the entertainment of hearing me scream, he thrashed me with his riding crop. The scars on my back were never given time to heal before more was added to them. Beatings and chores were suddenly the constants of my existence.

At times, his attacks were so severe that I thought he would kill me. He beat me into unconsciousness more times than I could count and, when one occasion left me with a shard of glass embedded in my hand, it was left to fester. They took great delight in taunting me by telling me what I would become as soon as I was old enough.

I'm not really sure why I did not fade. I certainly prayed to Mandos to take me away often enough, but for some reason I remained alive. I was in his possession for eight years. He prevented me from eating quite a lot of the time, so I did not grow as other elflings did. Even now I am still short, at least for an elf.

In the winter of that last year, the humans spent more time travelling out in open land than they usually did, so they built make-shift camps every night. On one such night, Faelurinc had thrashed me until I fainted and had left me lying out in the snow; evidently not expecting me to regain consciousness anytime soon. However, I came to my senses and woke up some time in the middle of the night and found the campfire deserted. Every one of them was hidden in their tent, seeking warmth. All of them.

It was the only time that the campfire had ever been left unguarded. It was the only chance I had. I ran. I took to my heels and ran off through the snow, with not the slightest idea where I was going. All I knew was that I had to get away from Faelurinc and his riding crop.

I ran some distance under the moon before Faelurinc's beating began to take its toll. My clothes were stuck to the dried blood on my back and I had not eaten for several days. I knew I could not stay on my legs for much longer. I saw a large group of boulders looming in the distance and headed towards it; hoping to shelter there for a few hours. I climbed on top off one, hoping to burrow into the moss, but the snow had made the surface icy and I fell off the other side, breaking my ankle. All that pain was simply too much and I finally did faint.

When I woke up, I was being held on someone's lap, wrapped in a thick blanket. I did not have a clue where I was, or who I was. I was stunned to find a beautiful golden-haired being kneeling beside me, telling me that his name was Thranduil and that I was safe in a place called Imladris. I was back among elves once more.

When Thranduil and Celeborn asked me about my past, I could tell them nothing. All I could tell them was that my name was Alassë, that I had killed my mother and that I was very wicked. Imagine my surprise when these gentle elves did not hate me and scorn me, but rather comforted me and told me I did not deserve to be in pain. My wounds were gradually healed and I began to take more notice of my surroundings. Imladris was full of elves, and they all seemed to be full of happiness. Whenever anyone spoke to me, they were kind and gentle. I could hardly believe that such a peaceful place could exist, after what I had known before.

Eventually, with some help, I regained my memory and knew the full story of my past. I truly thought I would be cast out after that, for surely they now would not want a child who had killed her mother living in their haven of laughter and joy. Imagine my surprise when Lord Elrond instead offered to adopt me and raise me as his own, promising me that I would never be beaten or abused again. I would actually be allowed to stay here! I welcomed this new chance with open arms.

When they saw how hearing my name made me despair, I was renamed Faelwen Elrondiel and, from that point, I was taught to forget fear and learned how to live. The twins, Haldir and Legolas taught me what it meant to smile and laugh, what it meant to be a child, what it meant to have true friends and siblings. My new foster parents taught me what it was to be loved unconditionally and what it was to be a part of a caring family. It took me a little while to learn, but I was happier then I had ever been before, and I was eventually able to put my nightmares behind me.

And that is how I got here. From that point on, I never looked back. I loved my new large family with all my heart. I grew up happy and secure - my brothers ensured life was never boring and my Ada ensured that I never reverted to my past habits of keeping anxieties and fears to myself. Estel's arrival meant that I was able to put my fear of humans completely to rest as I well and truly lost my heart to my little Edain brother.

And that is pretty much my story. I grew up, I came of age, I fell in love with Haldir and I almost forgot my past completely, for I did not imagine for a second that our paths would ever cross again. Yet yesterday the twins arrived bearing a wounded soldier for me to heal…and it turned out to be Feredir."

All eyes were fixed on Faelwen as she finished her tale. The twins, Elrond and Haldir were looking at her with pride and affection. Estel, who had never been told the full tale of what she had suffered while in Faelurinc's clutches, was gaping at her, stricken, with tears in his eyes. Her brothers, on the other hand, were staring at her with a variety of emotions visible in five pairs of blue eyes; shock, regret, respect, wonder and, most prominently, shame.

Faelwen felt Haldir's fingers squeeze hers gently, and she was able to flash him a radiant smile. She was not exactly quite sure how it had happened, but telling her story so completely, having heard theirs, suddenly made her feel as if it truly was over. She had finally accepted everything and laid it to rest. There would be no more need for fear and nightmares. She felt ridiculously free. It was over!

"Speaking of Feredir, how is he?" pressed Nithron. "Will we be able to visit him?"

"I put him into a healing sleep," replied Faelwen. "Though I was able to heal him, his wounds were quite severe. I am expecting him to wake sometime this evening."

"We will visit with him then," said Alyan decidedly. "We will tell him everything. He will want to know exactly how you got here."

As Alyan spoke, Faelwen remembered the shining joy she had seen in Feredir's blue eyes when he had recognised her. He had been delighted, and she had hoped it had at least given him some encouragement to recover from his bad wounds. Did she really want to see those eyes dimmed with grief and full of anger? She bit her bottom lip thoughtfully.

"Perhaps it is better…" she finally said slowly. "That he doesn't find out."

Ten pairs of eyes suddenly widened enormously and swivelled towards her in shock.

"What?" gasped Elrohir in amazement. Alyan gaped at her, stunned, as though he could not believe what he was hearing. Conscious of the way they were all staring at her, Faelwen gave a small shrug.

"What is in the past is in the past," she said, speaking very calmly and firmly. "What good will it do anyone if all the grief and anger is raked up all over again? I think we have all had enough unhappiness to last us a lifetime. Feredir is still recovering; he should not get overexcited or angry anytime soon. It will not help him to get upset. You told him I was swept away, let him continue to think that. My story need hardly be altered; Thranduil found me and brought me here to be healed. I had no memory and no idea where I'd come from. He does not need to know the pain of the true story."

The silence that followed was tense enough to be cut with a knife.

"Fae…" whispered Estel, looking at her in bewilderment. "Are you saying that you forgive them?"

"In a way," replied Faelwen quietly, with a gentle nod. Estel shook his head, looking more upset than ever.

"But after all they've done to you!" Estel exclaimed. "They hurt you!"

"I know," said Faelwen, speaking solely to her younger brother, before shifting her eyes to meet those of Elrond. "When I first came here, you were all so gentle and patient with me. I was half scared out of my wits, but you were all so understanding. It felt so wonderful to have people be so kind to me; willing to forgive my mistakes and never turning away from me. A poor credit to your teaching I would be if I was unable to extend that same consideration to others. I am not a very brave elf, or a very wise one, but I hope I am at least able to try to be understanding to others in the way that you were to me."

She then turned back to face her brothers and looked Alyan directly in the eye.

"What is done is done," she said quietly, her emerald-green eyes bright and sincere. "I cannot simply say 'I forgive you' for that would be untrue. But I think I will be able to, with a little time."

"Then we will endeavour to prove ourselves worthy of your forgiveness," said Alyan solemnly, his eyes shining with tears in the same way that his brothers' were. "We now owe you a debt that I fear can never be repaid."

Elrond stood and gathered Faelwen into a loving embrace, a smile of paternal pride adorning his face.

"What did I tell you, iel-nin?" he said warmly, his hand cupping her cheek gently. "A very remarkable young elf indeed!"