Betad by Wendwriter

Waking in the house where she had spent the first few years of her very long life was one of the strangest feelings Faelwen had ever experienced. For a second, as her eyes came back into focus and gazed up at the once-familiar roof, her sleep-fuddled mind briefly wondered if that entire life had been a dream. But, as she raised her hand to rub her eyes, and saw the hand of an elleth and not an elfling; she knew that it was not so.

After a week of riding from sunrise to sunset, she thoroughly enjoyed being in a comfortable bed once again – and the temptation to be laze there for another hour or so was overwhelming. But she was only going to be here for three days, she told herself sternly. It would not do to waste time being lazy.

With a sigh, she swung her legs round and got out of the bed. She stretched languidly and then hurried to wash and dress, wondering what the day would bring. She only hoped that it went smoothly!

After they had broken their fast – in a meal that was a lively and happy one – Calanon, Feredir and Faelwen went outside to sit in the shade of one of the large dark trees and enjoy the novelty of finding out a little more about each other.

The conversation was happy, sad, free and awkward all at once. Calanon was still as delighted with the sudden reappearance of his daughter as he had been the night before. He wanted to know everything about her; down to the slightest detail. He was happy that she had been raised in safety; pleased that she had been well looked after…but Faelwen could see the turbulence in both their eyes – was it jealousy? Anger perhaps? – when she spoke of Elrond, Erestor or the twins. But she did not think it right to admit that she loved them with anything less than all her heart. And she still could not call Calanon Ada…

Truly, she wished that she could, for she could see the sad smile he tried not to show when she used the formal name of 'Adar'. She was torn in two; she wished that she could say what he wanted to hear, but she could not bear to betray Elrond – not when he had done so much for her.

"Tell me about Lord Elrond," Calanon said eventually, when Faelwen had completed her falsified story of memory-loss; describing how the elf-lord had taken her in when she failed to remember where she had been born.

"Ada is the kindest of elves. He is just and gentle and brave," Faelwen replied, determined to answer honestly. "He is a great healer and wise in all the lore of Middle Earth. I believe you would like him."

"He has kept you safe these many years," Calanon told her softly, blue eyes wistful. "That alone is enough to recommend him to me. Have you been happy in Imladris?"

"Yes," said Faelwen simply, meeting his eyes and silently begging him to understand what she was trying to say. "Not that I doubt I should have been happy growing up here with you...I mean...fate just prevented things from turning out that way. But I spent my childhood very happily in the safety of Imladris. I was very timid initially, but with Elladan, Elrohir and Arwen continually looking out for me, I eventually grew out of it. It is impossible to be unhappy in Imladris when there are so many elves determined to make you laugh as much as they can!"

"I am glad then, that you have been raised in a happy environment," Calanon told her with perfect sincerity. "It would not have sat easy with me had it been otherwise." Faelwen dearly hoped that she did not blush. She was a dreadful liar.

"Feredir tells me that you are being courted by an elf of Lorien," Calanon continued, evidently oblivious to any change in his daughter's countenance.

"Yes," Faelwen's eyes lit up as they always did when she spoke of Haldir. "Haldir is a Marchwarden, and Lord Celeborn's foster son. We have been together for almost a decade now. I hope that we shall be wed soon."

"Are you not a little young to be thinking of matrimony?" Calanon asked, before he could stop himself. Faelwen laughed in amusement.

"Everybody says that," she told him. "I confess, perhaps we are a little young – but I know that my feelings shall not change. I shall still love Haldir just as much whether one hundred days or one hundred years have passed."

"Then you must indeed wed him," Calanon said with an understanding smile.

The conversation continued in this vein for several hours – after all, they had many centuries to catch up on. Faelwen grew progressively more relaxed and comfortable in the company of her true father – but she could not shut out the nagging voice at the back of her head which protested that this was going far too smoothly!

Despite the nerves at the back of her mind never fully vanishing, the rest of her first full day in Mirkwood passed serenely; filled for the most part with questions, answers and conversations about the past. Feredir and Faelwen sat up late into the night, talking about anything and everything; thoroughly enjoying each other's company. He no longer seemed quite so resentful that she should have chosen to go back to Imladris as opposed to remaining in Mirkwood and they were soon exchanging witty banter back and forth like Elladan and Elrohir.

As they cheerfully bade each other goodnight before finally heading to their respective beds, Faelwen dared to believe that this visit might just go peacefully after all!

Her sleep that night was rather uneasy and fitful; filled with fleeting dreams of Faelurinc's riding crop and the agonising bite of the flames that had burned her back. However, they no longer made her start awake and scream as they had once able to. Instead, due to the closure she had managed to achieve in the last week or so, they merely made her uncomfortable. Still, she was heartily glad when morning came!

Although the conversation at the table when the family broke their fast together was just as merry as the day before, Faelwen found it a little more difficult to keep her lies than she had the day before; especially when Calanon mentioned how proud her mother would have been to see her now. Alyan had to duck his head to hide his discomfort and Faelwen suddenly, more than ever, felt wracked with guilt at this elaborate charade they were playing. It was not fair to be deceiving their father like this, even if it was for his own benefit!

After the meal, when everyone else had proceeded outside to make the most of the summer weather, Faelwen had wandered into the kitchen, wanting a moment to collect herself, and promised to join them in a few moments.

When she shut the door behind her, she let out a shaky sigh. Why, why, had she thought that lying in this manner would be a good idea? She had only been here just over a day and already she was finding it hard to keep this up! She did not want to cause Calanon and Feredir any grief, but acting was proving to be more difficult than she had imagined. Her eyes were drawn to the cupboard where they used to lock her in.

Suddenly, a series of flashbacks hit her with such force that she needed to catch hold of the edge of an oak table to stop her knees from giving way.

"Stop whining, you stupid brat!"

"I'm your sister! I'm your sister!"

"Who do you belong to?"

"None of this was your fault."

Memories and voices echoed around her mind at a dizzying speed, almost overwhelming her. She closed her eyes in attempt to shut them out, her heart speeding up. Her fingers gripped all the more tightly at the table she was holding. She was so consumed by the flashback that she did not hear the kitchen door open.

A gasp sounded behind her.

Wracking her mind desperately for a another convincing lie, Faelwen turned around to find herself looking at Feredir. He looked utterly horrified and she instinctively knew that her twin had somehow managed to experience her memories. He shut the door with a dull click.

"You weren't bitten by a spider!" Feredir said unsteadily, his face draining of colour as he spoke. "It was them! They...they sold you!"

"Feredir…" Faelwen tried to interrupt, but he kept talking.

"That was no dream or hallucination!" he cried, aghast. His fists were clenched at his side. "It was real memory! I saw it! I felt it! I felt your pain! I…I cannot believe it!"

"It is not that simple," Faelwen tried to explain, but again he cut her off.

"They lied to us! They said you had fallen!" Feredir was working himself into a real rage. "And all that time…all the time that Ada and I were mourning for you…they knew that you were alive! They could have brought you back to us. They just left you there…left you to their mercy! At the mercy of a human! "

The kitchen door opened once again, and Alyan's tall form crossed the threshold. The situation could not possibly get any worse!

"Feredir, I can hear you shouting outside," said their eldest brother, approaching the white faced twins. "What is the matter with you?"

"You bastard! You lying bastard!" Feredir threw himself at the taller elf. "You let that happen to her! You let them abuse her!" He lashed out blindly; wanting to hit every inch of the elf before him.

"Feredir, stop it!" Faelwen begged, getting agitated. "Will you at least let me explain to you?"

"What is there to explain?" Feredir roared. "They gave you to a human to torture! How can you bear to be in the same room as him? Why did you not have your 'brothers' kill them?"

"Feredir, calm down!" Alyan cried, his voice rising in his turn, as he tried to catch his brother's arms. "Stop it!"

Faelwen watched them helplessly. She wished Haldir was here! Or the twins. They would know how to make them stop!

"DARO!" she yelled eventually, driven beyond her usual patience. The shock of hearing her shout so angrily was enough to stop the two elves fighting for a moment.

"You are acting like elflings!" she cried, her fists clenched by her sides. "If you will cease shouting, Feredir, I will attempt to explain the truth to you!"

"Go ahead then," said Feredir aggressively, still glaring at Alyan. "Explain!"

"Yes, Feredir, they did sell me to a human," Faelwen told him gently. "But they were grieving. Our mother died giving birth to me – they were young and grieving and they held me responsible for it."

"You blamed her?" Feredir prepared to launch himself at Alyan again.

"Yes," Alyan nodded unhappily, still holding his brother back. "Feredir, we have no excuses for it! We were cruel and immature and we have had to live with that for hundreds of years."

"Indeed," Feredir snarled sarcastically. "You have my sympathy. It must have been so difficult for you!"

"You were just a baby, you could not possibly understand!" Alyan growled back. "We could not deal with the grief and we looked for an outlet! We know now how disgustingly we behaved but by the time we came to our senses, it was too late! She had vanished!"

"All this time...all this time...you've been lying! You let us believe she was dead!" Feredir's voice began to grow rougher with emotion. "Have you any idea what you've done to Adar?"

"Of course we have," said Alyan quietly. "We watched him almost fall apart with grief and we knew that we had caused it. We cannot make reparation for what we have done, but that does not mean we take it lightly!"

"And you! How can you act like nothing has happened?" demanded Feredir, aghast, rounding on Faelwen. "What is wrong with you?"

"Do not dare to judge me!" Faelwen ground out, eyes suddenly blazing in anger as her voice rose sharply. She was being unreasonable in getting angry; she knew she was, but she suddenly could not bear to take this quietly. "You have no idea, no idea, what experiencing something like that feels like, Feredir! I have had to live with it...and I have had enough drama and sadness to last me for all eternity! I want the past to remain in the past! I have found happiness and it is not going to ruin my life now! And forgive me if I sound pious, but I have seen what pointless hate can do! Faelurinc - he was unhinged, I know that now, but his violence all stemmed from his hatred for elves. It was completely pointless, and I bore the brunt of it! I will not become like him!"

"I...I am sorry. I did not mean to sound judgemental," said Feredir unsteadily, a tear slipping down his cheek. "But I cannot understand how you can be so calm about everything!"

"Feredir, what do you expect me to be?" Faelwen asked earnestly, her voice lowering again. "A broken, weeping wreck? I went through that stage when Ada first adopted me. I have done my crying. Trust me, I am fine. I have had many centuries to think about this; you have only had one afternoon. It is not that I have simply said 'I forgive you'. It is complicated, but I think I understand a little what made them act the way they did. It is thanks to the kindness of Ada, Erestor, Thranduil and the others that I was able to put the experience behind me and have a happy childhood in Imladris. I would prefer to follow their example and treat our brothers with understanding than follow that of Faelurinc and act with hate. In no way do I ever wish to resemble that monster!"

"This is too much to comprehend in ten minutes!" Feredir said emotionally, suddenly losing his aggression and covering his eyes with his hands. "I just...I cannot believe this is what really happened! What are you going to tell Ada?"

"Feredir, I do not want him to know!" Faelwen said urgently. "I wanted this reunion to be a happy one, and I think he has had enough pain in his life. I know that it was unfair of me to keep this from both of you but, truly, I do not want Adar to have to hear this story!"

"He already has," said a grave voice behind them.

Simultaneously, three fair heads swivelled round to face Calanon. He was standing in the doorway, his face as stern as stone. The three younger elves had been so caught up in what they had been saying to each other, that they had not noticed his arrival.

Faelwen leaned back against the oak table, suddenly feeling faint. She had been wrong before! The situation had definitely just got worse!