Beta by Wendwriter

Their father, crossing the room with quick strides, had calmly demanded to hear the entire story. It was duly told – some of it by Faelwen and the rest by Alyan – and, unlike his youngest son, Calanon did not lose his temper. He did not shout, he did not curse and he showed no aggression. But in retrospect, Faelwen almost wished that he had...because the haunted, stunned, betrayed look in his eyes was almost too much to bear. She had never seen anybody look so utterly distraught before - he looked as though he had been dealt a mortal wound!

"You knew, Alyan," he said quietly. It was almost a question – as though he could not quite comprehend what he had been told. "You knew that she was still alive all this time...and yet you told me nothing. You let me think she was dead."

Alyan did not answer. What could he say, after all? He just met his father's eyes and had to contend with the pain, the awful pain, and the reproach that he saw there. The tension in the room was incredible and, for a long time, nothing was heard but the barely perceptible sounds of four elves breathing.

"Why did you not tell me what you were feeling?" asked Calanon desperately. "I thought you knew that you could talk to me about anything! I could not have brought your mother back, nor could I have banished your grief, but I could have tried to help you! I would have listened to you!"

"I know, Ada," said Alyan sadly. "The truth is, it was always easier to turn our backs on our problems, rather than face up to them. It was easier to blame Alassё...Faelwen, I mean, than to accept that it had just been an unfortunate tragedy. We were so angry...angry that our mother had chosen to bring her into the world at the cost of her own life; angry that she had had to make that choice in the first place; angry that you clearly loved her dearly for her resemblance to Naneth...we were just so full of rage that we had to take it out on someone. It satisfied our bitterness to feel that someone was paying for the despair we all felt."

"You lied to me," stated Calanon flatly. "The five of you have been lying to me for centuries. My own sons." He turned away as he screwed his face up in pain, and suddenly brought his hand up to his forehead; speaking more to himself now than to his children. "How could I have failed to notice all of this? Am I so credulous? So unapproachable that the only other option was to sell her as a slave! A fine parent I turned out to be!" All three of the younger elves were distraught to see their father look so tortured. They exchanged uncomfortable glances, unsure of what to say.

"Ada, this was never your fault," ventured Alyan at last. "We made the decisions, we were the ones who caused this. We knew we were responsible." He proceeded to tell Calanon about the dream that he and all his brothers had shared; where their mother's disappointed and reproaching look had brought it home to them exactly what they had done; how they had torn their family apart. "After that, we tried our utmost to track her down, but it seemed that the human had vanished without a trace. We assumed that she must be dead – so we said nothing; we were worried that losing her twice might have been more than you could bear. Ada, we could not stand to watch you fade! We could not loose you as well!"

It was the first time in her life that Faelwen had ever heard her oldest brother sounding vulnerable.

She watched their father closely. For a second, fury had flared up in Calanon's eyes, but, after that last sentence, it died as quickly as it had risen and he wearily passed a hand over his face. He felt empty, numb and utterly overwhelmed. His head was aching. It was all rather a lot to comprehend in the space of twenty minutes and it seemed so utterly surreal!

"You have forgiven them?" he asked Faelwen uncomprehendingly, unable to understand how the younger elf could be standing there, so composed, within an arm's distance of the brother who had been responsible for all her trauma.

"I am trying to," she replied tentatively, nodding her head. "I know that with a little time, I shall be able to so completely. I don't think my personality was designed for holding grudges." The room was silent again for about ten seconds, before Calanon, eyes turbulent, squared his shoulders and set his jaw; drawing himself up to his impressive full height.

"Faelwen only has one more day with us," he said, keeping his voice steady with an obvious effort. "I will not have it marred with arguments, with resentment or with ill-will. We will speak no more of this for this afternoon. However, Alyan, rest assured; we shall be discussing this in great detail when her visit has ended." Alyan and Feredir both nodded silently; Alyan looking apprehensive, Feredir distressed. The room was suddenly decidedly uncomfortable.

"Come on," said Faelwen, taking the initiative and threading her arm through her father's. "Walk with me outside. Fresh air is a marvellous thing for clearing the head." Calanon was too distracted to protest, so Faelwen steered him outside as quickly as she could.

They walked amongst the trees in silence for a while. Faelwen did not know what to say; while Calanon was still trying to come to terms; firstly with the reappearance of his daughter, and secondly with all the information he had learned within the last half hour. Faelwen just held on to his arm, lending him her silent support, surprised at how completely at ease she felt in his company; despite only knowing him for two days.

"The human," Calanon eventually said abruptly, suddenly turning to face his daughter. "What did he do to you? Did he...?" His voice trailed off; unable to put such a terrible thought into words.

"No," Faelwen said quickly, understanding what he was trying to say. She reached out tentatively and squeezed his hands; making her tone deliberately light and reassuring. "No, nothing like that. I escaped long before I was old enough for that. He beat me a lot, but nothing more. It has done me no lasting harm, I promise. I am quite sane and quite healthy. Or at least, I think I am."

"Thank the Valar for that," said Calanon fervently, patting her arm affectionately, before his expression returned to the anxious look he had worn minutes before.

"Adar, I beg you will not fret too much about this," Faelwen told him. "I know it sounds like a strange thing to say, given the circumstances, but please believe me that everything has worked out for the best in the end. I know it must hurt, knowing that they lied to you and that you bore so much grief for nothing, but I do not they really knew what they were doing."

"You are very calm about all of this," Calanon said, sounding slightly bewildered. "I cannot quite understand it."

"I know. It must seem very peculiar, considering, but, like I said to Feredir," Faelwen replied. "While you have only had one afternoon to think about this, I have had many hundreds of years. I watched my foster brothers struggle through the same emotions when our mother sailed for Valinor. They too were full of rage and grief, but instead of taking it out on another elf, they took it out on the orcs. They became possessed; driven and reckless in their determination to have revenge on the ones who had caused everyone such grief. It helped me understand, in some ways that Alyan and the others had not mistreated me for the sake of pure malice alone. It did not make it all right, but it made it easier to forgive.

"The past has hurt all of us; so what is the use of dwelling on it when we are all here, alive and well, now? I can see in your eyes the pain that it has caused you. I beg that you will let it go now. We have the rest of forever to make up for lost time. Indeed, these days I fancy that I am quite lucky. Once upon a time, I thought that I should have no family at all. Now I have two – and several other elves that I love as dearly as though they were my kin. I know that I am lucky."

"Now I know that you are Lord Elrond's fosterling," said Calanon, but there was no unkindness in his teasing. "How else could you come to be so wise so young?"

"It comes of spending several centuries listening to Ada, Erestor and Glorfindel lecturing the twins," Faelwen laughed. "I have learnt it all by heart." They walked on again in companionable silence for another few minutes, while Faelwen internally summoned her courage. Eventually, she steeled herself and asked: "What was my mother like?" Calanon stiffened, and for a second she feared that she may have gone too far too quickly, but a moment later he smiled at her; a smile tinged with fondness, sadness and nostalgia. He gestured towards a fallen log and they sat down together.

"Your mother was the loveliest, kindest person I have ever known," he replied. "I loved her from the moment I met her and I believed myself to be the luckiest elf in all of Arda when she accepted my offer of marriage. She was so beautiful...so beautiful...and she had the most enchanting smile I have ever seen. She was kind, generous, loving, caring...everything that is perfection; and she could have charmed the very birds down from the trees when she sang."

"I wish I could have known her," said Faelwen wistfully.

"She was flawless, my dear," said Calanon, his eyes becoming suddenly over-bright. "And it broke my heart to have to part with her. Were it not for my children, I think I would have faded before a week had passed. We had so many plans together, so many things we still wanted to do," Faelwen squeezed his hand supportively and he smiled weakly at her, raising his other hand to stroke her hair for a second. "She loved the boys dearly, but she always wanted a daughter. She was so looking forward to having a little elleth in the family. You look just like her. Especially your eyes. They are the very image of hers. I was so thankful for that, the first time I held you. I knew that I would always be able to see her eyes whenever I looked at you." He gripped her hand with a sudden astonishing force. "You remind me so much of her. She would be truly proud of your forgiving heart."

"What about you, Adar?" Faelwen asked softly, worried at the conflicting emotions she could read in her father's eyes. "Can you forgive them?"

"If you can, I should be able to," said Calanon, his voice strained once more. "But it is going to be difficult. My trust in them has been shaken to the core. Theirs was no light misdemeanour – and they have lied to me for centuries. It is not an easy thing to forgive...but, they are my sons. I will try. Come now, I said that we shall not brood on this while you are with us. I will discuss this with them when you have departed. Tell me about this young human of yours."

He could not have chosen a better subject for loosening Faelwen's tongue. She rose to her feet, accepting the hand he held out to her, and continued walking underneath the trees; talking nineteen to the dozen about the beloved little brother who had changed her life so drastically.

"I have Estel to thank for being able to conquer many of my past fears. He is very precious to me..."

Faelwen felt a small pang of sadness as she awoke on her final morning in Mirkwood. She had missed Imladris a lot, and she could not wait to get to Lorien, but she had become very much attached to Calanon in the short time she had known him. It looked as though her heart would be in three places in future!

She ate with the rest of the family in the kitchen; though there was little conversation from any of her older brothers. They were all clearly nervously awaiting whatever judgement their father would pass on them; now that their lies, and their part in their sister's disappearance, had been unveiled. They answered whatever remarks that were addressed to them with the utmost politeness, but did not volunteer any conversation of their own. Feredir and Calanon however, having discussed the situation late into the night, were both determined that Faelwen would have an enjoyable last morning and so made enough conversation for everyone; asking if she had been to Lorien before, and what her plans were when she got there.

"You must write to me and tell me everything. I have heard that Cerin Amroth is one of the most beautiful places in the whole of Middle Earth," Feredir told her.

"Indeed, I am very eager to get there," Faelwen conceded with a grin. "Though admittedly, it is not for the scenery!" She and Feredir shared an almost identical laugh and Calanon was suddenly struck by how very alike each other they were.

'Two halves of the same coin,' he mused. 'And now I am to lose her all over again.' And suddenly remembering something, he excused himself from the table, leaving his children to finish their meal.

"He is going to miss you, gwaleth," said Feredir seriously, passing her some bread. "I think it will be hard for him, to see you leave."

"I will come back again," said Faelwen lightly, smiling. "You cannot get rid of me that easily. I am not afraid to leave Imladris anymore; and the twins often travel here to see Legolas. I am sure Ada will let me travel with them now that I know where I came from."

"I would like that," Feredir replied. "Three days hasn't really been enough to catch up on all the time we lost. You must come and stay again as soon as you can when you have returned from Lorien."

"Speaking of which," Faelwen hurriedly swallowed her last mouthful and rose from the table. "I had better get my things together. Elladan and Elrohir said that they would come to collect me before noon."

The twins were true to their word, arriving on horseback, with Legolas accompanying them, around fifteen minutes before noon; anxiously pressing her as to whether everything had gone smoothly. When they found that her visit had gone relatively peacefully, the relief on their faces was evident, and they found that they could address everyone, even Calanon's five older sons, with perfect equanimity. The niceties lasted for only minutes though, as they wanted to be out of Mirkwood by time darkness fell - which therefore made it necessary to leave as quickly as possible.

Faelwen made her farewells with a sincere and heartfelt affection, hoping that when she left, her father and her brothers would be able to deal with their past without too much trouble. She shared a tight embrace with Feredir, promised him a letter several pages long by the time she got back to Imladris, and then turned to Calanon.

"Do not vanish from my life again, iel-nin," he begged her, clasping her shoulders. "I shall depend upon hearing from you very often."

"That you certainly shall," promised Faelwen with a smile. "I have only just found you again, and there is still so much yet to say. I will be back again."

"I shall look forward to it. In the meantime, however, I want you to have this," Calanon said, pulling something from his pocket. "It was your mother's." It was a hair ornament – a small comb with a silver lily attached to it; delicate and beautiful. Faelwen ran her fingers gently over it, immensely touched. It's workmanship was exquisite; an item made with love.

"Thank you," she said, sincerity and gratitude shining in her eyes. She swept a section of her hair back from her face and used the comb to secure it in place.

"May the Valar watch over you, my dear," said Calanon, suddenly gathering her into his arms.

"May they watch over you too, Adar," she replied, squeezing hard, before whispering into his ear. "Please do not brood upon the past too much. Both you and my brothers have suffered enough. Focus instead on the future."

"We will see how things go when I have spoken to them properly," said Calanon, walking to her horse and kissing her cheek, before helping her up into the saddle. "There is much to discuss. I wish you a safe journey, iel-nin."

"Take care everyone," Faelwen smiled brightly as she waved goodbye, before falling into line with the twins and Legolas. "Namarie."

"Safe journey, sister!" called Feredir.

Faelwen blew them a kiss, waved once more, and then the four horses raced off and vanished into the trees - off on the road to Lorien...where she knew Haldir was waiting.