Hello again! Exams are over, coursework is done and so fanfiction can finally take its place back in my life again, lol. Hope you're all well! :D
Faelwen was in the happiest of moods that morning. She had just spent a week in the company of Haldir, who had come to Imladris usual with the dispatches from Lord Celeborn; the sun was shining brightly in the sky; the birds were singing in the trees above her; and the woods were bursting with the new life of spring. Even more to her delight, Elladan, Elrohir and Estel had returned healthy, happy and unscathed from a particularly dangerous enterprise in the shadows of the Misty Mountains. Lying flat on her back in the gardens, arms behind her head, with the sun streaming down on her, Faelwen felt utterly content and at peace with the world.
She felt that she could watch the sky for hours. There was something kindly and benevolent about the spring sky, she decided, with its pinkish-white clouds and its cornflower-hue. It seemed to say 'As long as all is well with me; then all shall be well with you too!' Everything felt fresh and clean; even the very air smelt new.
"You look quite happy down there," said an amused voice, as Elrohir's head appeared, upside down, above her.
"There are few felicities in the world," countered Faelwen with a laugh. "Equal to watching the sky. The view of which, Elrohir, you are currently obscuring; so if you would kindly move your big head, I should be most grateful!"
"Impudent brat!" joked Elrohir, dropping with an ungraceful thud down on the ground beside her. "So, what is occupying your thoughts while you watch the sky?"
"It shall be wonderful to see Arwen home again, shall it not?" asked Faelwen with a smile. On this past visit, Haldir had brought with him a letter from Elrond's eldest daughter announcing that she intended to return to Imladris within the month.
"It will," Elrohir agreed, nodding. "She has been too long away – I am pleased that she can at last put the memories of that awful time behind her."
Faelwen replied with a nod, eyes unfocused and far away, and for a short while she and Elrohir just looked up at the sky; not speaking, but sitting there in a companionable silence, thinking of the circumstances which had led to Arwen's removal from Imladris in the first place.
"Faelwen, what do you suppose Nana is doing right now?" Elrohir said suddenly, though there was no anguish in his voice; just simple curiosity.
"Um..." Faelwen was taken aback by the question. "I would like to think she is healed, in body and in mind, and that she is sitting in a peaceful garden, even as we are, with pleasant thoughts in her mind, waiting for Ada to join her.
"Is that how you picture the Undying Lands?" asked Elrohir, lying down on his back so that he too could have a clear view of the clouds. "As a garden?"
"I do not really know how I picture them," confessed Faelwen honestly. "But when I think of them, I think of them as a place in eternal spring; teeming with life and beauty and happiness. If you asked me to say the word that first springs to mind when I think of Valinor, I would say serenity - though that is simply speculation. I dare say we shall find out soon enough though."
"Why? You are not planning on sailing any time soon, are you?" teased Elrohir with a laugh.
"Not within the near future, no," said Faelwen, shaking her head. "But I know the time will eventually arrive for us to depart from Arda. The sun will set on our time here; just as it must set at the end of every day. Sometimes, for Ada's sake, I wish it was tomorrow. I know that Nana's absence weighs heavier on him than he would like us all to think. Yet even as I wish that, the thought fills me with sadness, for I know that when we do eventually come to sail, it will mean that Estel is no longer with us."
"I cannot believe he has been with us for nigh on twenty years," remarked Elrohir, with a wondering shake of his dark head. "It really does seem like yesterday that we brought him back; no more than an armful, and now he is as tall as I am, and almost a man."
"It has gone by far too quickly!" said Faelwen, her happy face now tinged with melancholy. "Humans are granted such a woefully short time to be young and carefree! His childhood seems to have gone by in the blink of an eye. Would that he could have it all over again!"
"Ada wants to speak with him tomorrow," Elrohir's single sentence was full of meaning.
"Is that really the best option?" said Faelwen quickly. "I mean, he is safe here in Imladris – why change that? He will never want for love or for safety! Why endanger him?"
"Faelwen," chided Elrohir gently. "We knew this day would come when we agreed to take him in. His true destiny lies with his own people."
Faelwen dropped her eyes, fighting down a lump in her throat. That Estel would find out his true lineage was inevitable, she was well aware of the fact. But she realised that, in the depth of her heart, she had always been hoping that for some reason, Elrond would forgo the revelation and allow him to remain an unknowing Estel forever. She was well aware of how selfish such thoughts were, and she was angry at herself even as they passed through her mind, but she could not bear the thought of any harm coming to the beloved young human who had changed all their lives for the better!
"I know," she answered despondently. "But part of me has always wished that this day would never come!"
As the family ate together the next morning, Elrond could see that his sons and his foster-daughter were not themselves. Elladan and Elrohir were on edge, distracted and nervous; their minds clearly elsewhere, while Faelwen's smile was rather obviously strained and forced. The twins, though more resigned to the unavoidability of their brother learning who he really was, were just as unwilling to lose Estel as Faelwen was. Estel himself, with nothing to suspect, remained blissfully unaware - but Elrond, Erestor and Glorfindel, who each had centuries of experience at reading the three younger elves' moods, could clearly spot the tension. However, Elrond had expressed his intention of taking Estel aside after breakfast, so this apprehension would be over soon enough.
True to his word, when the meal was concluded, Elrond requested that his youngest son accompany him to his study, as he wished to have a word with him in private. With a confused expression, Estel looked over to Elladan and Elrohir, neither of whom could quite meet his eyes. Looking all the more bemused, the young man hurried after Elrond; desperately trying to rack his brains for anything he might have done to be worthy of a stern lecture. He had obeyed the twins' instructions to the letter while they had been out on errantry. He had taken no unnecessary risks and had returned home without so much as scratch on him. On top of that, he had even brushed his hair this morning...twice!
"Sit down, Estel," said Elrond softly, closing the study door behind them.
"What is the matter, Ada?" Estel was becoming more nervous by the moment, his anxiety heightened by his foster-father's solemn manner. "Have I done something wrong?"
Elrond had to smile at that. "No, my son, you have done nothing wrong," he replied kindly. "But there is much I have to tell you..."
After Estel and Elrond had vanished into the study, Elrohir, Elladan and Faelwen had sat there in silence for several long moments, each of them constantly watching the door as though they expected to see Estel come back through it at any second. When, at Glorfindel and Erestor's bidding, they eventually rose from the breakfast table, Glorfindel had laid an encouraging hand on Elrohir's shoulder.
"It will be all right, you know," said the fair-haired Vanya reassuringly. "Elrond knows exactly what to say to him. Now go on, go outside and cease moping like a trio of lost chicks."
Obediently retreating out to the part of the garden where Elrohir and Faelwen had watched the sky on the previous afternoon, the three young elves sat down and waited. They were dreadful company for each other that morning – they fretted, they worried, they snapped at each other and tried to imagine how exactly they themselves would react if they had were given such an overwhelmingly life-altering revelation. None of the three could imagine a positive reaction, which only made them all the more anxious and short-tempered.
It was almost afternoon by the time Estel left Lord Elrond's study, pale-faced and stunned. His foster-father had explained everything to him; the circumstances of his parent's deaths, who his father was, the destiny that he was heir to....and what his real name was.
Though he had made a great show of being calm and dignified while Elrond had been speaking to him, young man was anguished and confused. Only a few hours ago, he had been Estel: the happy, content son of Elrond who had just turned twenty and was looking forward to going riding with his siblings in the late afternoon, before watching Glorfindel and Ada beat the twins at archery.
Now, suddenly, he was Aragorn: the orphaned son of the chief of the Dúnedain, the descendant through many fathers of Elrond's long-dead twin brother, heir to the throne of Gondor and Arnor, the last heir of the Kings of Numenor. And on top of that, he was apparently expected to perform great deeds within his lifetime. How exactly was he supposed to accomplish this with a broken old sword?
Ai, but his head hurt! He looked down at the bulky ring on one of the slim fingers of his right hand.
"This is the ring of Barahir," Elrond had explained, as he presented him with it, "The token of our kinship from afar; and here also are the shards of Narsil. With these you may yet do great deeds, for I foretell that the span of your life shall be greater than the measure of Men, unless evil deeds befall you or you fail at the test. But the test will be hard and long. The Sceptre of Ammúminas I withhold , for you have yet to earn it."
Earn it? How was he supposed to go about earning it? At any rate, he did not want the blasted sceptre no more than he had wanted the ring, or the broken sword! In his current state of mind, Estel was unable to appreciate the significance or the greatness of the heirlooms he had been presented with. His head was reeling with all he had been told that morning.
Not knowing precisely where his feet were taking him, Estel dazedly found himself outside in one of the many beautiful gardens of Imladris. Elladan, Elrohir and Faelwen were there, sitting beneath a beech tree, though he noticed that none of them were talking to each other and that they were all looking in different directions. For a brief moment, Estel wondered if they had quarrelled, but then suddenly they noticed his arrival and looked over at him; worry and apprehension in each of their eyes as they got to their feet and hurried over to join him. Their faces said it all...
They knew! They had always known!
And although just a few seconds ago, Estel had wanted nothing more than to talk to his brothers and his sister, to explain his fear of the future and ask their advice, he was suddenly filled with a great surge of anger. How could they have kept such an enormous secret from him all this time? How could they have lied to him - three of the four people he trusted more than anyone on Arda? Estel felt his throat becoming tight with tears, but stubbornly told himself that he was not going to weep. Instead, he focused all his attention on the anger that was steadily building in his chest.
"You lied to me!" he cried without preamble, his fists clenched tightly by his sides. "You have all lied to me for almost twenty years!"
"Estel," Elrohir, somewhat taken aback by his brother's rage, spoke in a gentle and placating tone.
"Do not call me that! It is not my name!" roared Estel, glaring into Elrohir's face with eyes which showed all to clearly the turmoil of his feelings and emotions. "Do not ever call me that again!"
"Pen-neth," Faelwen tried next, laying a comforting hand on his shoulder, but Estel pushed her arm away with no small force.
"Do not touch me, Faelwen!" he spat.
All he had done was address her by her name, but Faelwen froze as though he struck her across the face. From the day he had learned to talk, Estel had never called her Faelwen. Initially struggling with the juxtaposition of the vowels and the letter L in her name, he had chosen the simple option of calling her 'Fae', and it had never worn off. And although Faelwen had protested and joked that such a nickname was undignified, she liked it. The fact that he suddenly used her full name showed exactly how angry and betrayed Estel felt. Unable to think of anything to say, she stood like Elrohir, helpless and upset, not knowing what to do next.
"Calm down, little brother," instructed Elladan sharply, seeing clearly though the anger and sensing the confusion and turmoil that the young human felt. However, it did not make him inclined to let Estel take his anger out on Elrohir or Faelwen.
"I am not your brother!" shouted Estel, his voice cracking with emotion as he yelled the last word, before he turned and hurried away down one of the stone paths.
Distressed, both Elrohir and Faelwen moved to go after him, but Elladan put a hand on each of their shoulders and held them back. "You two wait here," he told them kindly. "He is going to be unreasonable – I will speak him."
Leaving his twin and his sister behind, Elladan followed the path Estel had taken. He found his younger brother sitting on a stone bench, tense-shouldered, fists clenched and his brows knotted together. The very posture of his body was screaming out in anger.
"Well, that was impressive," said Elladan calmly. At the sound of his voice, Estel looked up, tears showing in his eyes, before he got to his feet and made to walk away. Elladan, however, quickly caught Estel by the upper arm before firmly pushing him back down onto the bench again. "No, do not think you are going to storm away from me, little one. You are going to sit there, and you are going to listen!"
"Leave me alone, Elladan! I do not want to listen to anything you have to say!" cried Estel angrily, his eyes dark with emotion, though he did not make another attempt to escape.
"Tough!" said Elladan sternly, his own eyes beginning to glint dangerously as he crossed his arms over his chest; the very image of Elrond. "I am quite capable of holding you down, little brother, so I would not move if I were you! What exactly did you accomplish by that little tantrum, hmm? Do you feel any better? I doubt it! All you managed to do was to hurt Elrohir and Faelwen, both of whom have never shown you anything but patience and love."
"And yet their love for me did not prevent them from joining in on this whole falsehood that has been my life here!" raged Estel, tears beginning to spill out of his eyes.
"Have you even stopped to consider why you have been raised under a different name?" said Elladan, forcing himself to remain perfectly calm and dignified, refusing to rise to Estel's behaviour and be drawn into the argument that the young human was so clearly desperate to have.
"Does it matter what the reason was?" Estel was rapidly losing his control on his emotions. His voice was beginning to shake. "It does not change the fact that for twenty years, I have been living a life that was a lie under a name that is not my own!"
"The name is yours," countered Elladan smoothly. "It is not unheard of for a person to go by more than one name, or to change their original one. Faelwen was born Alasse; now no one addresses her by that name. Daernaneth was born Altariel –it was Daerada who gave her the name by which she is now known."
"That is different!" Estel interjected bitterly, but Elladan continued as though he had not heard.
"As for your life being a lie, do not be so melodramatic! Yes, young one, your true lineage was kept hidden from you, but that was for your own protection! We lied to you because we love you, you fool!"
The sudden change in Elladan's tone, from stern to gentle, completely took the wind out of Estel's sails. He did not want Elladan to be compassionate – he wanted an argument! He wanted an outlet for all the pent up confusion and emotion inside him. Looking up at his eldest brother, who stood there with sympathetic understanding in his eyes – the same staid and reliable Elladan as he had always been; the Elladan who had comforted him, protected him and cared for him – he suddenly burst into tears.
"I do not understand!" he wept. "Please, Elladan, help me understand!"
"Estel, your father was killed when you were just a baby," Elladan explained patiently, just as Elrond had explained earlier that morning. "You could not remain with the Grey Company; much of their time was spent wandering in the wild and they were all too often engaged in skirmishes with orcs, goblins or wargs. It was no environment for an infant to be raised in. The leader of the company requested that we seek Ada's advice as regards the best place for you to grow up in, so Elrohir, Glorfindel and I brought you with us back to Imladris.
"Ada was much grieved to learn of the death of your father – he was a fine man, well-respected by all who knew him. When we asked him what was to be done with you, he replied that Imladris was a safe and peaceful place in which to raise a child, and that with no immediate family, here was the best place for you – as you are a descendent of Ada's brother. As he quite rightly said then, there was a big family here who would take delight in looking after you. You would never want for love as long as we were here. We were all glad to have you; even Faelwen, who was still very wary of humans back then, and I would like to think we at least were able to give you a happy upbringing."
Estel lowered his head in shame, remembering how kind everyone had indeed been, and suddenly feeling guilty for his outburst.
"As for why we changed your name and kept your lineage from you, that was for one reason only: so that you could have a real childhood. We elves have fifty years to come of age – humans have only just over twenty. We wanted you to be to carefree and happy for as long as possible, and grow up without the burden of the future casting a shadow over you. Ada saw the kinslaying and destruction of Sirion during his childhood; Faelwen spent eight years of hers as a slave to a deranged brute of a human. Elrohir and I were lucky in that respect; our childhoods were happy and peaceful, but that just made us all the more aware of how important it was for you to have the same chance as we did, without the unhappiness that Ada and Faelwen had to contend with. Look at how you are struggling to comprehend this now, little one – and you are twenty years old. How would you have dealt with this knowledge at the age of seven? You would have grown up constantly thinking of who and what you had to become. We simply wanted you to have the chance to be a child."
The love and honesty in Elladan's voice pierced straight through the final remnants of Estel's shield of anger and the young man fully gave way to sobbing.
"I am sorry, Elladan!" he cried brokenly, all of a sudden horrified at the way he had spoke to his brother. "I am sorry for what I said!"
"It is all right," said Elladan softly, sitting down beside him and putting an arm around Estel's shoulders. "I know it is a lot to comprehend in a day. I can only imagine how much of a shock it was."
"It is more than that," Estel's sobs intensified. "Elladan…I do not want to be Aragorn! I am not a leader - I am nobody special! I just want to be Estel!
"Well, why do you have to cease to be Estel?" Elladan asked reasonably. "Aragorn does not have to take his place – you can be the same person, the name does not change that. And as for not being special, do not let me ever hear you say that again! You are still as precious to all of us as the day you arrived here – I do not think there is a single one of us who would hesitate to lay down our lives for you! I have travelled extensively amongst humans, and I can tell you now that there are few human men your age as skilled in the art of healing as you are, nor half so competent with a sword or a bow. You are very special as you are Estel…you do not need to change. I think you just need a little time to think all of this through properly."
"I was so cruel to Elrohir and Faelwen! I said…" Estel broke off, gasping as the words 'I am not your brother' rang through his mind.
"They will forgive you, you know that," said Elladan encouragingly.
"I should apologise to them," Estel, never one to shy away from any wrong doing, got to his feet even while his body was still shuddering with sobs. "I did not mean to shout at them!"
"All in good time," said Elladan with an understanding smile, drawing Estel into a supportive embrace. He just held the young man while he sobbed out his fear and confusion and, when Estel got a hold of himself once again, he walked at his side as they retraced their steps of half an hour ago.
As Elladan had suspected, Elrohir and Faelwen were still sitting on the grass under the beech tree where he had left them. As he and Estel approached, the other two elves heard their footsteps and tuned to face them.
Estel felt all the more wretched as he realised that they looked as though they had both been weeping. At that, the control of his raging emotions once again deserted him, and, weeping anew, unable to decide which one to embrace first, he threw an arm around each of them. The result was that Faelwen and Elrohir's heads smacked together as Estel pulled them close, but they were too relieved to be reconciled with the younger brother they adored to feel any pain.
"Aragorn..." began Faelwen timidly, but this only made him cry all the harder.
"Please, do not call me that!" he sobbed. "I am sorry! I am sorry! Just call me Estel! I just want to be Estel!"
"It is all right," said Elrohir gently, rubbing Estel's shaking back. "You will always been our Estel. It matters not what happens, nothing shall every change that."
In a strange but comforting tangle of arms and heads, fair hair and dark hair, the twins and Faelwen let Estel cry for as long as he needed to, letting him draw comfort from the fact that no matter what his name was, no matter what his destiny was, his siblings were there for him...and they always would be.
It was with a much calmer mind that the heir of Isildur went to bed that night. When he reverently unwrapped the shards of Narsil, which he had been so scornful and indifferent to that morning, his face took on the solemn and grave look which was to grace it all the more often as time went on.
Having had another conversation with Lord Elrond in his study after supper that night, Estel was now aware of both the honour and the burden he had inherited as the son of the chieftain of the Dúnedain. He was also aware of what the phrase 'Heir of Isildur' really meant.
It was time for him to have a long think about his future!
Always happy to know what you think, so feel free to leave me a review! XD