After recovering from his wounds, Celegorm parts company with Huan and the twins.
7. Parting of Ways
I burned with fever for days afterwards. It was worse than any orc-poison I had encountered in Beleriand. In my delirium I had many strange visions. I saw the path to Mandos twist and turn like a serpent under my feet. I saw faces of those I knew were dead, and those I left in Aman and Beleriand. I saw my amme's tear-streaked face as she ran after us, begging us to stay. Amme never cried that night. I watched Atto burn to ash again by my bedside. Then it was Nelyo, broken after the torments of Angband. He burned too. I saw Kano wandering half-mad along a grey shore, his harp forgotten.
Others came too into my dreams. Pale Finrod came with his accusing glare, his lips dark with blood and gore. His loyal retainers would try to rip me limb from limb where I lay. Irisse came crawling up from under the sheets. She would smile and stroke my cheek tenderly, before turning into Luthien and clamping her fingers about my throat.
Sometimes I was aware of a Dwarrowdam tending to me, slathering a cooling balm over the festering wounds and cleaning them with cool water. She spooned a thin broth between my lips to keep me hydrated. Durin came a few times to inquire on my condition. Through a haze, I thought Mim came with his dark threats and evil looks. He sat on my chest like a lead weight with a dagger in hand. Then it all shifted and it was one of the Elurussa, and he was cutting out my heart. I screamed as he tossed it over to a waiting Huan, who wolfed it down like a juicy steak.
It seemed many days before I was myself again and many more before I could sit up unaided and feed myself. My torso and arms were streaked with ugly scars. The deeper ones still leaked pus but Durin declared the worst was over.
"The Elu…" I croaked weakly.
"The young ones are doing fine. They are with Huan," Durin smiled.
"K-keep that scumbag Mim away from them…"
"Mim is gone. He confessed to luring you to the pool. He has been exiled from our halls and his sons have gone with him."
"W-were a-any lost?" I asked with a sourness in the pit of my stomach. I had led troops into battle in Beleriand and lost many along the way to Mandos.
"Nay, set your mind at ease. There were a few injuries but nothing a Dwarf cannot bounce back from. Mahal made us hardy. You're the last one to heal…" Durin chuckled.
"Oh, gee, thanks…" I could not help feeling a little affronted. Elves were resilient too. The only reason I was laid up so long was because I was fool enough to let myself get grabbed and nearly drowned by that beast.
The Elurussa know I killed their adar. They hate me. I felt a heavy emptiness in my being. Perhaps my fever-Elurussa did cut out my heart. It ached.
I dressed the best I could. I had lost my shirt and the one provided by the Dwarrowdam was too baggy in the trunk and the sleeves too short. It smelled funny too, like a mouldy potato-sack. I had also lost my arm ring from Curvo, left somewhere in the tunnels with the rest of my jewelry. I would not be too surprised if the wretched petty-dwarves took the lot. My breeches and boots had been cleaned and patched. I combed out my hair and left the sickroom. The halls were buzzing like a beehive and I went unnoticed. I was too weak for mining still. I plodded over to our little sleeping nook to rest. Huan lifted his head to give a soft bark of welcome.
Two pairs of eyes glared at me over Huan's back. I paused.
"Elurin, Elured… I am sorry I…"
"Go away! You are a bad elf," the pair replied. "We're not listening to you anymore!" With a heavy heart, I turned to leave. Huan rose to his feet and came after me, whining and licking my hand.
"Go back to them, Huan. They need you more," I scratched behind his ears. "Huan, if they ever wish to find the Elven Halls, you will bring them right?" I described the way as I saw it in the pool the best I could to Huan. He's a smart dog, my Huan. He could lead them there. If the twins decide to stay with Durin, so be it. As soon as I am healed enough, I am going to find my brothers in the Halls of Awaiting, or the Void.
I spent the rest of the day in a corner, keeping out of everyone's way and feeling utterly miserable. The twins and Huan left me alone during supper. It was Durin who brought me a bowl of stew and urged me to join them about the fire. He sat me next to the Elurussa and they both kicked me in the shins before going off to bed. The normal jolliness of the Naugrim was subdued that night. There were no drinking songs or games played. Perhaps they sensed the Elurussa's simmering anger and the tension between us.
They were right to be mad at me. Why had we attacked Doriath? It was for a Silmaril. A gleaming jewel with the Light of the Trees in it. Its sisters still sat on Morgoth's crown. Was it the Oath? We had been so willing to spill the blood of our kin, both in Alqualonde and Doriath. Somewhere we had crossed the line, Nienna help us. We became almost as bloodthirsty as Morgoth's minions. Celegorm the Cruel. Now looking back, I could only feel disgust at my deeds in Doriath and Nargothrond.
"Leave the Halls? But you have not fully regained your strength," Durin raised a shaggy eyebrow. It is a poor way to repay Durin's kindness but I cannot stay on. Not with the twins glaring daggers at me across the cavern.
"I miss my brothers and wish to seek them," I uttered a half-truth. Even wandering about the forest for eternity would be preferable.
"Very well, you may leave," Durin conceded. "But take care of yourself."
He had them prepare some victuals and gear for me. My legs were still shaky from the recent fever and I needed a sturdy walking stick to aid me. A pack was filled with hard-tack, dried meat and a wine-skin. A warm travelling cloak was provided. I suspect it was made from the skin of a goat as it reeked like one.
I bade a quiet farewell to my fellow miners, Durin and the gruff Dwarrowdam who had cared for me during my illness. I never really caught her name. I did not know if the twins would seek out the Halls of Awaiting or linger with the Naugrim until Arda breaks. Perhaps they might settle enough to pick up smith-work or some lighter craft from their hosts.
The pack on my back was heavy, but nowhere as heavy as my heart. My legs felt wobbly and I leaned often on my staff. The going was slow. The pillars soon gave way to trees and the sounds of industry faded into silence. Once more I was alone in the dark forest with only my memories and regrets for company. Now I had to find the trail to the bridge…
Author's Notes:
A bit of foreshadowing in Celegorm's fever-dreams. Mim and sons will return to plague the elves.
Don't worry too much, the twins will have to return to the Elven Halls of Mandos eventually. That would be where their Nana and Ada would be.