Warning: Implied Non-con

April 12, 10 AK

I should have been paying more attention. This is my fault. It's my fault I got caught, my fault I'm chained to a metal table, my fault my bare ass is getting frostbite from the stupid cold mountain air of some podunk Kumo outpost on the outskirts of Land of Fire. I hope Wolf-taicho isn't beating himself up, he's such a softie under all that indifference. Stupid, stupid, stupid.

"You're going to tell us everything eventually, everyone does. You know this, I know this, the Kages know this; come on, don't feel bad, it's just how these things go. Make it easier on yourself."

The searing light is gleaming off all the stainless steel, a maze of mirrors half-reflecting to infinity. Amidst all the metal the warm nut brown skin of the Kumo-nin is rather out of place but not nearly as eye catching as his hair, the pale yellow almost lightning bright in the glow of fluorescent lights.

A faint sigh forces its way out. Why- No.

'Why' is a useless question. 'How', now that's a useful question, but… This is happening. I should have been keeping my eyes out for traps, I should have been sticking closer to my team so a squad of enemy ninja couldn't just set off some explosive tags and drag me underground. Oh well, live and learn. I mean, who expects Kumo ninja to use Earth techniques?

"Are you even listening?"

The white haired Kumo-nin snaps another finger. Ow.

"Ow."

That gets a laugh out of his blonde partner. I offer them both a look of disdainful blankness.

"Hah! You hear that? 'Ow' he says! Hahahaha, Oh man! Break another."

Snap.

Don't lookat it. The human is a primarily visual animal, if you don't look at it it won't hurt as much, just ignoreit-

"Hey, wait, I wanna try something."

There is an unpleasant sizzling sound and the room begins to smell like burning flesh as electric current plays over my skin, setting me to twitching as an involuntary gasp forces its way out of my throat. Okay, thathurts even without looking, let's see, how do we treat that, focus on that, gonna need to wash it, burns can get infected so easilyif you aren't careful-

"The Itsy-Bitsy spider went up the water spout."

"What's that?"

The flesh is weak, the body is fallible, but that isn't me, it isn't me, the mindis strong-

"Down came the rain and washed the spider out."

Crack. Oh that sounded important, not sure what that was, collar bone maybe, having a little trouble breathing now, don't look-

"Out came the sun and dried up all the rain."

"We'll just need to try harder then won't we?"

I tilt my head just enough to look into blondie's eyes, he'd be pretty under other circumstances, pale blue eyes and light hair a lovely contrast with the dark skin, nice big muscles, see, I can do this, I can do this, I am fine-

"And the Itsy-Bitsy Spider went up the spout again."

A fist to the face, not good, for me or them. Loss of coherency, sloppy work really, he'd get a failing grade if he was my student, can't feel as much pain, lessens the impact but clouds the mind, not good, focus, focus-

"See; I know you must have gotten a pretty decent amount of conditioning from ANBU, even a little guy like you. That's why they give you those mantras, helps you focus on something else. But here's the thing."

The filthy, smelly, repulsive, vile Kumo-nin leans in close, a mammoth hand clasping around my skull to force me to look into his eyes as I try to get my breath back, but I'm not really looking at him, why would I do that, he's so boring and stupid-

"Everyone has a crack somewhere. And I'm going to find it. And then, you're going to spill everything. Everything. You'll want to, so badly you'll be begging me to tell what you know to get me to stop."

His moist breath is close by my ear as he whispers his words to me, like that'll force me to pay attention, as if he can actually touch me-

"And I won't stop."

He lets my head go and it thumps gently on the table, letting me refocus on the ceiling. Such a dull color, such a boring slate grey, why not add some flair, some pizzaz-

I hear a zipper being undone and the terrible, no-good, dumb, torturer gets uncomfortably inside my personal space, body almost branding heat against my shivering and freezing flesh, hate the cold, hate it, heat is worse though, this isn't so bad-

What is he- Oh.

...This is going to be unpleasant.

. . .

It is.

. . .

I hatesleep deprivation, so lame, least fun, such annoy, wow, I just, just want to close my eyes for a minuteand-

Thud.

My head bounces off the steel table again, hard enough to rattle me but not enough to risk real injury. I yank on the restraints hard in reflex, padded leather cuffs dulling the clank of the chains. Smart. Metal cuffs are abrasive, you can break a finger to slip out, you can cut yourself and use the blood to lubricate-

Blood is a terrible lube. A fact I am becoming quite familiar with.

Stupid, stupid, stupid-

A surge of cold on my face brings forth a tiny involuntary sound, not a shriek, not a scream, more of a gasp, a shocked inhalation, and now there is water in my mouth, and I can't breathe, I can't breathe-

Stupid body, like thrashing is going to help, ignore it, the Mind is superior, I must not fear-

"What do you think, a couple more days?"

Whitey hums in mock thought, finger tapping his chin as I splutter enough water out to breathe again. Bad cop, worse cop, honestly, get some new material already, there's oldand then there's paleolithic, am I right-

"I dunno, probably less. I mean, he's gotta know his team isn't coming. It's been three days; even if they bothered to look they obviously aren't going to find him. You doknow that, right?"

I track over every line, every wrinkle, every freckle, every blemish on his face as he leans in over me, sneering like they think they've already won, like I really expect someone else to come and get me, I hate him, I hate him, I am me, I am Hiroki, I have beaten death, these pissants have nothing on me-

I shift my jaw and crack the little capsule stuck in my rear right molar. The poison is not for me though, and the stream of sticky saliva and faintly caustic toxin hits him right in the eyes.

"Ahh!"

Blondie pushes his friend away and punches me in the stomach hard enough that I feel something pop. Blood splatters across his arm as it sprays out of my mouth but I manage to giggle around bloody teeth, lips stretched wide in glee, Ha Ha HA-

"Stupid, stupid, stupid, don't you know, can't you see, what's black and white and red all over, it's you, it's you, and I'm stillalive, and when you're dead I'll dance on your grave-"

Whitey has finished scrubbing most of the gunk out of his eyes, more angry than injured. It isn't really meant to be applied via the skin, but his eyes are dilating, so it's working, I can see, I can see-

"Little prick, I'm gonna make you wishyou were dead!"

The slap of flesh on flesh is boring, boring, boring, even if it does jerk the broken things inside me, sending shooting pain through my guts, annoying that, can't patch it myself, and I have to keep my hips tilted just so, come on, come on, come on-

A hand reaches down to the cuff on my left leg, unhooking my foot from the table and pushing my thigh towards my shoulder so he can get a better angle.

YES. Stupid, stupid, stupid-

He twitches, and my foot moves.

Poisons which aren't strictly lethal aren't very popular, but I find them useful enough. This one is called Trictate, for some reason, and is favoured for civilian assassinations because it makes the target lose inhibitions and experience effects somewhat similar to strong drink. It can often lead to pseudo-drunken brawls or fits of rage, potential cover for the sudden death. In this instance, it means my tormentor was dumb enough to leave one of my limbs free.

The Seal on my chest still burns, leeching my chakra away, keeping me weak, but I have always been good at using what little I have. Besides, Taijutsu doesn't take much energy.

My eyes turn on for a brief moment, even that small strain a bone deep and aching tug on my diminished reserves, but I need them for this, because while he was distracted my foot slipped into his weapon pouch and pulled out a pair of kunai. One into the side of blondie's neck dropping him with a gurgle, one flipping up, and up, and caught in my teeth.

It is a brief, fierce joy to know that the surprise on his face will be etched into my brain forever.

I SURVIVE.

The spray of arterial blood from his neck is pleasantly warm, though I know that it won't stay that way for long. My one free limb pushes the dead meat off and I lean forward enough to pass the blade back to my foot. Picking the lock of the other foot cuff is a chore but the eventual click of the lock is sweeter than honey. I curl up, ignoring the searing agony still coming from my abdomen, and roll backwards off the table, twisting the chains keeping my hands in place around to bring them closer to my face again. The kunai goes back in my mouth, and these locks are defeated much faster.

I AM FREE.

My hands are useless, fingers far too damaged to form hand-signs or hold a blade firmly, so the kunai stays in my teeth as I fumble my tortuous way through the corpse's pockets.

I don't have much time, but this pair were obviously poorly trained. Did they even know what they were looking for? Did they even know-

Bingo. Chakra pills.

The cap comes off and two are swallowed immediately, a third tucked under my tongue for later. Too many at once is bad for you yaknow, gotta keep those ruptured kidneys in tip-top shape-

The rush of energy which floods through me in the wake of tearing off the Seal tag is glorious. My eyes spin all the way up and I dart from the room, pulses of medical chakra running through the network of my legs to deaden the pain and preserve the flesh from damage as I bounce off the walls of the exterior corridor, kunai clenched in my teeth as I tear through the squad guarding the exit path like an angry god.

Within moments I am out of the small outpost and shooting down the mountain, the mad dash only kept from becoming borderline suicidal by grace of my Sharingan, more than one fall avoided only by bare margins as I flee towards the forest visible just beyond the foothills.

Run, Run, RUN-

I lose track of time. It was nearing midday when I got out, I think. Sometime after the sun has set I swallow the other chakra pill, but even when that fades I keep going, keep moving, don't stop, don't look back, I am free, I am alive, I will not die-

How long has it been? Two days since I got out? More? Less? I don't care how bright it is, the Sharingan sees everything regardless, though I am so, so tired now. Do I have it on right now? Did I turn it off? Is it ever really off?

I can barely put one foot in front of the other; the faintly felt but properly coded signal pulse of chakra is responded to instinctively. I change course and dig deep, searching for that fifth wind, breaking into a jog which ends only when I slip on a patch of mud and my knees slam into the leaf litter. I do not fall. I will never fall. But I cannot make myself get up either. Oh well.

There is a faint stirring at the edge of the little clearing and I force exhausted eyes to focus on the figure perched on a branch above me. The kunai falls from my stiff and cramping mouth with a sticky tearing noise to thud gently on the carpet of yellowed leaves as I smile brokenly at Wolf through the fluids crusted all over my face and body.

"Taicho, I want to go home now."

. . .

It happens. Shit happens. Sometimes it sucks, sometimes it's great, but we can't let it bog us down. Then where would we be? Dead, that's where.

The whole point of ANBU is deniability so it isn't like Kumo will be getting orsending so much as an angry letter, and that is just fine by me. I am alive, and they are dead.

Morphine is fantastic.

The ceiling of the hospital room is a cheerful peach-orange, and it is just gorgeous, whoever picked this color deserves an award, oh hey Kakashi-sensei!

"How are you doing?"

"I am fine. Fffiiinnneee. Fie nuh. Fee nay. You ever say a word so often it stops sounding like a word?"

Kakashi drops into the chair next to the bed and sighs, head in his hands. Don't be sad. I push a sluggish bit of chakra through my system and clear away a trace of the drug induced fog, the bright sunlight gaining an edge it didn't have before.

"Hey. Seriously. I'm okay Taicho. It happens."

He slumps just a little bit in the chair, poofy hair waving slightly. I wonder if it's soft? I've never gotten the chance to touch it before…

"What happened to you should never happen to anyone. Let alone a twelve year old, Chou."

"Almost thirteen."

I shrug very gently, relaxing slightly into the bed as my eyes drift back towards the ceiling, but even that little motion pulls gently at the bandages and staples and sends twinges of pain through my bones. Medical ninja can fix just about anything so long as your heart's still beating, but some stuff just takes time, letting the body's natural healing mechanisms do their thing. I'll probably be out in a week, tops. I don't mind. Pain is proof of life.

"I- You need to talk about. It. With someone. I'm, here. If you…"

Sensei pulls in a deep breath and sits up a little straighter, looking at my placid face for a moment and almost visibly fighting to keep up the strong facade despite the urge to cringe at my bandage covered form.

"Was- when they... was that your… first-"

"Hey."

I interrupt him, jolting him out of the shame spiral he's probably already circling.

"I signed up for this. I knew the risks, and I considered the benefit to be worth it. I am fine."

I let my eyes slip closed and exhale slowly, briefly enjoying the warm sunlight streaming in through the diaphanous curtains hanging over window. Spring is my favorite time of year, and the smell and color of new growth is a comfort beyond the merely physical. This is peace, knowing that others experience concern for me; there is nothing better. I matter.

"This is not me. I am an idea, a thought, a collection of memories. This, is not me. The flesh,is not me. The thing which makes the noises you give meaning is not me. I am the purpose behind the noises. I am the mind that comprehends the meaning. I am the urge that pushes the body to action, and nothing that affects this fragile shell of meat affects me unless I allow it too. We are not meat. We are a perspective."

Sensei is quiet for a long moment as I blink slowly at him, the quiet rhythm of his breath a soothing counterpoint to the small beeps coming from the heart monitor. He finally slumps slightly in his chair, relaxing in acknowledgment of my own acceptance, and runs a hand through his unruly mane, briefly flattening the pale locks before they spring right back up in abject defiance of gravity.

"...Yeah. Yeah, okay."

I let a small and genuine smile twitch briefly over my lips. It is good to be home.

. . .

A/N: ANBU is not fun. :(

We are not flesh. We are a perspective.