A/N: post "here lies the abyss"

this is no longer canon for this worldstate, but hey! angst is fun

"She visited me once in Kirkwall. She… This will hit her hard."

Varric gave a quiet, cold laugh. "I could've guessed that, Hawke." The bar returned to silence, Marian and Varric both focused on their mugs and Leliana staring blankly at the counter.

"She needs to know," the Spymaster finally sighed. "I will send a letter tomorrow. My spies can reach her within a week."

Taking a long swig of her ale, Marian shook her head. "Let me write the letter. We're family, and… I owe her this, at least."

Two letters arrived for the former Warden Commander, both delivered by a courier as she passed through a small town in northern Ferelden. One bore the official seal of the Inquisition – though it was Marian's handwriting on the envelope – and the other offered no hint as to who sent it, save Morrigan's elegant script addressing it to Olivia.

Once she'd set up a proper camp – no more than a small tent and an even smaller fire – Olivia pulled out the letters. She couldn't think of any reason that the Inquisition would need her assistance, not after the message she'd already sent and the letters from Alistair saying that he'd been helping out Inquisitor Trevelyan.

But Morrigan's letter confused her even more. It had been years since Olivia had heard from her, and the fact that she was sending a letter now didn't bode well.

Dearest friend, the letter began, it's been far too long since we've seen each other, though I'm certain you understand why I've been in hiding. As I'm sure you're aware, Alistair has been working with both the Champion and the Inquisitor. What you may not know is the nature of their work.

A sudden sense of dread filled Olivia's chest and she glanced at the letter on the other end of her bedroll. She still had Alistair's last letter tucked into her pocket; he'd fondly described the beauty of Crestwood, joking how the presence of undead reminded him of the Blight and downplaying the various attempts on his life by other Wardens.

Morrigan, she realized, was right. Olivia knew very little of what Alistair and Marian had been investigating, though she'd been brushing that off as they seemed to have little sense of it, either. For a moment, she wondered if they had known, and simply hadn't wanted her to know; it would be exactly like Alistair, Olivia thought with a smile, to not want to worry her. But to leave her entirely in the dark was uncommon. Wanting more than ever to be reunited with him, Olivia continued with Morrigan's letter.

You have no doubt also begun feeling the symptoms of the Calling. According to Hawke, Alistair heard the call of the darkspawn. I can only hope that the resilience to the darkspawn you showed during the Blight continues to grace you.

You have also undoubtedly heard of the darkspawn magister Hawke faced some years ago, Corypheus, and that he has returned, seemingly from the dead. Alistair, Hawke, and the Inquisitor discovered that Corypheus was somehow manipulating the Wardens into hearing the Calling, and in searching further, were thrown into the Fade by some phenomenon caused by the Inquisitor's mark.

I'm sorry to say, Olivia, that while Hawke and the Inquisitor gained much from their trip into the Fade, Alistair did not make it out. Hawke assures me it was a rather brave act, and even I cannot find fault in his actions.

Olivia stared at the remainder of the letter blankly, blinking away the tears that threatened to fall. Her chest was heavy, and her breaths came continually more quickly. Slowly, mechanically, she set the letter aside and pulled out the last letter Alistair had sent, her eyes scanning the words over and over until the reality set in.

Clutching her knees to her chest, Olivia buried her face and cried, truly cried, for the first time since the Blight, when she'd been a mess of tears and relief after slaying the archdemon and surviving.

When her throat burned and her head throbbed, she wiped her eyes on her sleeve and folded up Morrigan's letter, choking back more tears as she tucked it into her pack. In the dim firelight, she could just make out Alistair's words on his letter.

She read them over and over again that night, always lingering on the parting line.

You have no idea how much I love and miss you. As soon as the Inquisition figures this all out, I'll be back and we can get away from all this world saving nonsense.

I'll see you soon,

Alistair