HAPPY ONE YEAR ANNIVERSARY!
That's right! One year ago today, I made this very Fanfiction for the fine people of this site(And the not so fine people, I don't discriminate.) and the people of the World of Bleach RPG online; which, by the by, you should go and join so we can chat more about my stories there- but shameless advertising aside, it brings me great joy in knowing that my story has actually lasted as long as it has(Not gonna lie- was expecting to quit after the second or third chapter, but my stubborn ass just couldn't do that!), and it brings me even greater... Something, knowing that all of you have stuck around to read this crappily written story, even with the stupid jokes, horrid uploading times, and all around terrible plot line that I promised myself I would go back and fix up but still haven't done.
So thanks for your patronage, and continue reading in the name of the SENPAI!
"Anyone else feel like their on the way to the execution block? Because that's the vibe I'm getting from all this." I made small talk with the hoomahns of the Ryoka group as we made our way to the main meeting hall of the Captains. "Kurosaki, you have been talking non-stop for the past 10 minutes about absolute gibberish! And if you don't cease to do so, I swear to my ancestors, they won't find even a pinky finger!" "Wow, rude much? Are all Quincies like this, cause if they are- oh wait, that's right, they're all dead so it doesn't matter what they were like." "KUROSAKI!" "Enough, you two!" Stepping between the two of us, Orihime attempted to glare at us, but all that came from it was an unhappy frown. "We are about to meet with the leaders of this place, and I would rather you both not get into a fight before we even get there!" "Ah, come on, Hime-Chan, a little blood shed never hurt anyone… That and the fact I'm sure we'd get on the good side of a Captain or two if we were to do so-" This time, she did actually glare at me, causing me to gulp. "O-Or we can just, chat like old friends, that works too!"
It wasn't so much the whipping sound itself that caused me annoyance, but the fact it had come from the direction in which Sado was walking.
Traitorous little-
"Okay, we're here." The voice of the midget Captain broke me from my thoughts(They were the only things I had anymore…) as the door to the meeting room opened up. Walking in, we were met with all the Captains(Or what was left of them, anyway-), minus the small one with us, that made up the Gotei 13(More like 'Gotei 10' now, but I digress.). "Wow- who's the old man at the head of this line?" I whispered to the bee, which made her glare up at me. "That 'old man' is the Sou-Taicho, and currently the strongest Shinigami- and probably the strongest being- in existence." That dude was the strongest Shinigami in this world?!
Standards: Shinigami have none.
"Thank you, Soifon-Taicho. Please take your position for the meeting, now." Stiffly nodding, the tiny Captain moved to her spot as the old man's attention moved to us(Read: Me.). "Thank you for coming, Ichigo Kurosaki, and for bringing your acquaintances with you as well." "Oh yeah, of course… I mean, it's not like we were forced to come or anything like that." I spoke sarcastically as I reached into my pocket and took out a smoke I had pilfered off some inattentive unranked officer and put it into my mouth, then looked to the various Captains scattered across the room. "Any of you got a light? I would kill for one right now… Oh! But, uh, not any of you, of course, just a figure of speech."
Here at least.
I got my wish, though, soon after, when an intense burst of Reiryoku pressed down on everyone, causing the Captains to intake their breaths, stiffen, or to start sweating as my group all gasped and nearly fell to their knees had I not started sending out my own to counteract it. But because I was busy doing that, I wasn't paying much attention, and when the pressure vanished and I could go back to finding something to light my cigarette, I found the stick curiously already lit on fire.
And by 'Lit on fire' I literally meant the entire stick had gone up in flames and was burning my lips and tongue.
"... Meh, I've done worse." Shrugging off the burning sensation on my lips, I took a puff, and grabbed the stick that was still on fire and blew out the smoke. "Ahhhhhh. Sweet, sweet, release." I didn't get far in my endeavor, though, because when I put it back in my mouth, the pressure was back and the entire stick just crumbled to ashes in my mouth and fell to the floor. "... My smoke-" "I'd have to ask you to not do such activities while we are holding a meeting, Ichigo Kurosaki." "Could have just told instead of wasting my last cig." I grumbled as at least half the Captains looked on in astonishment that I wasn't affected at all from the pressure the Sou-Taicho was giving out just form standing there.
The other half consisted of a grinning and insane Kenpachi, an eerily smiling Kurotsuchi, and the next oldest beings right after the old man in the room.
"Anywho, what's the meeting for, old man? I got places to be, bitches to-" A glare from Orihime and surprisingly Soifon stopped that sentence short. "-To, ah, make acquaintances with… Yeah." The old man seemed rather disgruntled(Or pissed- hard to tell when the man had his eyes closed and a beard covering his mouth for the most part.) at my lack of respect, but moved on anyway. "You are standing here before the Gotei 13-" "*COUGH* 10 *COUGH* COUGH*" Seeing the unamused glance thrown my way, I shut up. "Because we would like to ask you a few questions." "Wait, that's it- questions? Couldn't you just get, I don't know, clown face over there to torture us until we give you the absolute truth about what you want to know?" Said clown frowned and gave a withering glare in my direction. "Trust me, you blubbering primate. There is nothing I would love more than to do that-" "Except maybe going to the nearest Marilyn Manson impersonation contest…" "You insufferable little-"
"Enough!" A cane hit the floor, and all chatter came to an end as the annoyed leader of the group huffed. "While it would have been much better to do just that, there were a few who disagreed, and, with the deaths of the entire Central 46, we are in Martial Law, so majority goes. And, surprisingly, there were only three who wanted to go that route… And a Kenpachi laughing and yelling about rematches." Oh, that spelled nothing but absolute hell for me. "But back onto why I have brought you here; there are several questions that I want you to answer for me." "Okay. A-hem; yes, the sky is actually blue, two plus two really is five, the US's moon landing was staged, there is extraterrestrial life- and not like the ones from that stupid E.T. movie, either." "Um, Kurosaki-Kun, I don't think that answers any of the questions he wants answered." "Indeed, they do not." The Captain did not look amused(Then again, when did he?) as he glared at me and attempted to scare me with his Reiryoku.
Yeah, like that would be happening any time soon.
"Well sor-ry, it's a force of habit at this point; what were the real questions?" "The first of a few of them was why you children decided to just brashly invade the Seireitei the way you did." Oooh did it hurt to be called a child again- I lost that moniker centuries ago, and I'll be damned if some god damn old codger was gonna give it to me again after all this time! "First off, it's Ichigo Kurosaki, old man, and secondly, I thought I made why we entered this place abundantly clear when I rescued Rukia from that giant flaming homosexual chicken… I swear, that thing was checking out my ass the entire time-" "Kurosaki, focus! Was that the only reason you infiltrated our walls? For something as petty as saving a friend-" "Saving a friend from death? Yeah, it was, because unlike you unfeeling machines called 'Shinigami', we care about what happens to those closest to us." "Need I remind you, you imbecile, that you are one of those 'Unfeeling Machines' you apparently so despise." The 12th Captain drawled as I scoffed and crossed my arms. "Please, I'm nothing like you ass hats; that, and I think by your standards, I'm more like a half Shinigami… Or probably even less than that if you actually knew what I was." I whispered that last part to myself and got back on topic. "Anyway, yes, that was the only reason, now next question." "Very well. While I admit it was only thanks to your endeavors that we found out about the plot and betrayal of Sosuke Aizen and two other Captains, we are not yet entirely sure what side your loyalties lie- have you had any contact with Aizen outside of your little performance the other day, or was that the first time you had actually even met the man?" "I can say with certainty, that this is the first time I have seen him in this lifetime, and don't have any deals going on with him as of now."
Of course, they wouldn't know that I had met him in another 'Life' you could say, or that up until the betrayal incident where he tried to kill me I was actually technically working for him, but come on- semantics.
Seeing as he couldn't tell a lie coming from me, he nodded. "Good. Now, for the third question, we would like to know exactly where you had learned how to fight with your powers like that- Bankai takes decades to attain for even the strongest of Shinigami, and yet from what Soifon-Taicho tells me, you had apparently gained it in less than 3 days. How was this possible?" Besides the fact I'm a centuries old Hollow with years of practice in fighting and controlling powers that were beyond the comprehension of most others in existence in a hoomahn's Spiritual body that already had a shit ton of potential and a substantial amount of Reiatsu that, in a year or two, would be able to perhaps rival mine in it's Bankai state?
No clue.
"Yes, well, let's just say, that for the fighting portion of my abilities, I had help from a pussy, of all things-" I could feel the glares of the various Captain and Lieutenant women around me, and already knew the stupid cat somehow knew I called her that, and would be getting retribution for it later on. "-And for the Bankai part, well, do you know of Kisuke Urahara?" "Impossible!" Looking over to the now stock straight and growling head of the research department, I couldn't help but feel a small amount of pleasure(Read: Enough to get my dick hard.) in seeing the Captain who I currently hated the most in such a state.
And I knew Aizen for craps sake-
"What's impossible; the fact that I know and learned from the best scientist to ever grace this world's presence-" After me of course. "Or the fact that he helped me attain Bankai in 72 hours where it probably took you decades to reach?" Ah, it never failed to warm my heart, seeing someone blistering in rage, nearly foaming at the mouth as you could practically see the steam roll out their ears(Well, nose, in this case, cause I'm not even sure he has a heart, let alone ears-). "I'll take that as a resounding 'Yes'." "Alright, this has gone on long enough. Yes, we have heard of Kisuke Urahara; he was the former leader, and subsequent founder of the research department of Seireitei, and Captain of squad 12 before his traitorous actions against our people with the Hollowfication process and attempted murder of several Captains." Man, he never told Ichigo any specifics, but holy crap was that dark! And did he say 'Hollowfication'? The hell was THAT? "But what does this have to do with you learning Bankai in such a short time?" "Right, well, it turns out, Kisuke has made a device that helps accelerate the process in which Shinigami can attain their Bankai's, and I used that to help get Bankai before the execution." "IMPOSSIBLE! THAT FOOL COULDN'T HAVE CREATED SOMETHING LIKE THAT!" As the current research department's leader seethed, the Sou-Taicho looked intrigued.
"But I should also point out, that the creation of the Tenshintai is not easy, only the strongest of beings who have already mastered their Shikai could use it, and that the survival rate is not exactly great… Something about less than one percent or whatever." That wiped the look off the Captain's face. "Less than one percent? Huh. Rather low odds to be surviving their, kiddo." Again with the kid thing! "Yeah, they were." Well, not like I know of this first hand- I was just told by the cat that the chance of survival was EXTREMELY low. "If the nitwit made it so that the survival rate was unbearably low, how did a bumbling buffoon like you make it out alive?" "Well, like your mother, I enjoy doing something hard." "WHY YOU-" "But, I can't give all the credit to that mad fiend. If I wasn't as talented as I was- teacher's words, not my own; well, okay, they are my own too, but still- then I would probably be bleeding out somewhere underground while you all would be none the wiser about Aizen's whole plot." "A bit arrogant there, aren't you boy?" I swear to god, if someone makes one more crack at my age-
"There is a fine line between arrogant and confident, old man; I personally do not know where that line is- probably somewhere near New Mexico with the stupid aliens- but I trust the people who have seen my abilities first hand know that line well enough when they say I am one talented, good looking beast." Man, I could really use a smoke right now- if only someone hadn't destroyed my only one! "Yes, which brings us to our next question; just how is it that you were able to defeat one of our Captains. You, a human who had gained his powers not three months ago, beating one of my Captains, someone who has been at this more than ten times as long as you, one of my Elite soldiers?" Maybe because I've been at this probably ten times longer than them? "Uh, sheer and utter dumb luck?" By the look on his face, he seemed to be thinking this one over as if it actually could have been just extremely dumb luck.
I didn't know whether to be relieved or insulted at this point.
I'll go with relieved as that was the one that would get me to my smokes faster.
"That, and the Captain I was fighting didn't exactly use her Bankai, while I did- not really a fair match up, there." Seeing the stern gaze the Sou-Taicho was giving a facepalming Soifon, she had apparently neglected to give up that fact to the old Shinigami in the first report.
Serves her right; Mu-not-so-Junior is still feeling the pain after our fight!
"I see. That is a far more believable reason than the last one for your victory over a Captain… A Captain who I will be talking to directly after this meeting is over." Few- saved by the bee. Was that saying politically correct? Probably as correct as I am in using the term 'politically correct' to ask a stupid question about this stupid phrase. "Now that the question of your victory is satisfactorily answered, we shall move on to our next question at hand; did you, yourself, attack any of our race unprovoked, without any warning or without giving anyone the option of leaving instead of fighting them?" "Oh please- I landed near the 11th Squad Barracks. If anyone was attacked unprovoked, it was ME! Especially by that god damn grinning lunatic who wouldn't take no for an answer, or stay down whenever I knocked him down!" Hysterically pointing to a laughing Kenpachi, the Sou-Taicho winced a bit. "Yes, I do suppose you have a point there…" "BWAHAHAHA! Speaking of points, There is still a rematch to be had! So what do ya say?" "Ah hell nah, I ain't getting anywhere near you or your crotchety ass sword!" "Oh really? Well it's a shame that Martial Law is declared, which means I can bring up a motion to make you fight me! All for this motion to be carried out?" "Now wait just a damn cotton picking moment-" "Watching the buffoon get beaten up by the bigger buffoon? Oh, now I would pay to see that!" "Shut the fuck up, clown face, you're not making this any easier for me!" "I also agree with this motion." "Soi-Chan? WHY?!" "I don't exactly like the facts you revealed minutes prior to this." "Oh you petty little-"
"ENOUGH!"
Man, the room never fails to calm down whenever that old guy bangs his cane onto the ground.
Maybe I should get my own cane- of course, it wouldn't be bland and boring like this old guys, maybe I'll put on a few adornments, like a diamond, purple paint, metal end to hit people with; or maybe just cut out the middleman and buy a pimp cane straight from the store instead.
"We are getting off track here!" "Oh relax, old man. You've already asked most, if not all of the questions you had for Kurosaki, so now that business is over with, I want my rematch!" "A-HEM!" Looking over to see that it was KISS impersonator who had tried to gain everyone's attention, he continued. "We are not done with business here today, as you so eloquently put it, there is a matter at hand that I would like to know the answer to!" Getting confused at what he wanted, I heard the Sou-Taicho sigh and could almost feel him rubbing his forehead. "Yes, yes. Which leads onto our next, and final question of the day; everyone here would like to know what you have done with the Lieutenant of Squad 12, and the daughter of Mayuri-Taicho." "Now old man, it's not polite to lie to people- just by looking at the faces of half the Captains gathered here, they certainly do not care what has happened to her. And god forbid if the look Kenpachi is giving me right now is actually concern over the wellbeing of a young girl-" "Damn straight!" The grin on that man's face couldn't be made any wider even if the Joker came in and started spraying his laughing gas everywhere.
"SILENCE, YOU IGNORANT SWINE! I WANT TO KNOW WHERE THAT TRAITOROUS DAUGHTER OF MINE WENT!" Speaking of the Joker, though- "Yeeeeeeah, you see, that's gonna be kind of hard to do." "And just what could your impossibly small mind mean by THAT?" "This." Snapping my fingers, the door to the meeting room slammed open as a black blur sped across my room until it was standing directly next to me. "What do you wish of me to do, Tou-Sama?" Everyone's jaw started gaping(Even the hoomahns- except Orihime, who's eyebrow was twitching for some reason.) as the blur revealed itself to be the missing Lieutenant of Squad 12. "Is that… Nemu?" "What on Earth did you do to my creation, you inbred waste of time and space?! And WHY is she wearing an outfit more suited for a servant in the country of Europe in the human world-" "The maid outfit? Yeah, not entirely sure about that one, because last time I checked, she still had her old clothes…" "Once your recalibrations set in, Tou-Sama, I deemed it fit to have access to a new wardrobe, and this seemed to be most fitting for my role now." "That… Is a bit odd of a choice, if nothing else-" "Recalibrations? What did your greasy monkey paws do to my bitch of a daughter?!" "Me? Nothing big, really- except change just about everything about her so that she would view me as her father, instead of you, and have ingrained loyalty towards me, and only me, also instead of you- because, all of the offense, you are a majorly crap father and leader." I loved seeing the look in people's eyes after I rip something away from them-
Never fails to get me aroused.
"And before you go off on a tangent, no, I will not give her back to you, and yes, I CAN take her away from you, because, as this stupid thing says-" Taking out a book and throwing it to the Sou-Taicho's feet, I saw him look down and raise an eyebrow as he saw it read 'Shinigami Politics: For Dummies'. "And I quote, 'Once a Shinigami loses in a duel to another Shinigami, the winning Shinigami then gets claim to something of value the losing Shinigami has; provided that something of value is considered an object, or property, not a spiritual being.', so you can't do jack about this, as I have already kicked your ass from here to Squad 13 already." "As much as I hate to admit you know the rules, there are still a few issues regarding this plan-" "Ah, but there really aren't, Sou-Taicho. For you see, this duel had already took place before Martial Law was put into place, so technically, I claimed my prize back when the laws still stood perfectly fine, which means I have immunity from a trial with the Gotei 13." The other Captains seemed impressed(Well, Kenpachi was just picking his ear looking bored, really.) that I had the foresight to plan this far ahead in my plan, while the 12th Captain really was throthing from the mouth, this time. "You twat! You still can't take Nemu, because she is considered a spiritual being!" "He makes a fair point, Ichigo Kurosaki." "He would make a fair point, if he didn't, well, take a look." Pulling out some sheets of paper from my pocket, I handed them to the Sou-Taicho so that he could look them over, and when he did, he sighed and started to pinch the bridge of his nose.
"Well, according to these sheets, Ichigo Kurosaki now has possession over Nemu Kurotsuchi- or Nemu Kurosaki, as it were now." "WHAT?!" Wow, that was the most emoted amount of rage I have seen coming from the clowns face. "How does he now own Nemu, when the rules clearly state-" "That any spiritual being can't be chosen as a prize for victory of a duel, yes. However, Nemu, according to your census readings, is not a member of the Shinigami race, or even a living organism, and more of an invention created by you for the sole reasons of research and keeping track of information; which is, for all intents and purposes, is basically calling Nemu a machine, an invention, a possession which I now own because of your carelessness. Isn't that right Nemu-Chan?" "Hai, Tou-Sama." "Thata girl; now, what do we say to the douchey man who raised you worse than most stripper daddies do to their girls?" "Ah, I believe I was told to say 'Fuck you, you overcompensating waste of a scientist, whose brains and smarts couldn't even begin to comprehend the things my new father or Kisuke Urahara have already built in the last few years that it took you over a century to do to an even lesser design." "Glorious, glorious."
By now I already had the camcorder out and was recording the reaction of the Captain as his 'Precious daughter' told him off in the best way possible(For me-).
From the look of outright rage and loathing already forming on his face and the stifled laughter from some of the Captains in the room, I think I was going to enjoy being a father. And not only for this, but I'd finally be able to grab my shotgun and scare frightened boys away from my house when they come to get my daughter's hand!
… Though from the way of dress she was currently parading around in, I think I might have to get a rocket launcher-
"Well, if that really is all, this time, Sou-Taicho, I think we'll take our leave." Seeing him nod slowly, I motioned for everyone to quickly get out of the premises before the clown college Captain finally lost it. "Phew, that was the most fun I've had since coming to this damn place!" Walking back through the halls of the 1st Squad's Barracks, along with my posse, I looked around the area. "Man, fucking with Captains really made me work up a sweat!" Attempting to wipe off some invisible sweat from my forehead, I didn't get far before Nemu appeared right next to me with a white towel(What the- when did she get that?!) and started dabbing at it for me. "Ah… Thank you, Nemu-Chan." "At anytime, Tou-Sama." Right- might have to get her to tone it down a notch. "Okay, we'll be heading off soon, probably next chapter-" Next, chapter…?" "No, I said tomorrow- get your shit together, Squishy." "QUINCY!" "Yeah, that too. Anyway, we'll be leaving tomorrow, so get everything you want to get done done today. Not sure what you'd want to do; Sado, maybe you could go visit that bird boy again, Hime-Chan, you could possibly go to the 4th Squad Barracks and ask them for tips to help with your healing powers, Quincy… I heard there's a gay bar not far from here, maybe you'll even see that cute Byakuya-Taicho, or perhaps that dazzling Trans-Taicho to boot!" "KUROSAKI!" "Hahaha, okay, leaving now." Running away laughing with Nemu not far behind, I made for the outskirts of the Rukongai Districts.
"Okay, Nemu-Chan, are you sure this area is devoid of any tracking, recording, or presence detecting technology or Kido?" I finished my run in an empty clearing with mostly dead and rotting trees, with Nemu landing on the ground near me soon after. "Hai, Tou-Sama. Kurotsuchi-Taicho deemed it unneeded to plant any bugs around this vicinity, what with everything either being boring or just plain dead." "Tch, dumbass. He has a long way before he can hope to become a decent mad scientist. Okay, Nemu-Chan, you remember when I told you that-" "You were not so much a Shinigami as you were a Shinigami with Hollow powers; a 'Vizard', as it were?" "Huh. No one usually listens when I start rambling- good job. Anyway, yes, that part. Now, what I wasn't really being honest with, was the fact, I was actually a Hollow with SHINIGAMI powers, instead." "... I see. Does that mean-" "No, no. As it stands now, I am more Shinigami than anything, and I made doubly sure that it was only the Shinigami blood that you were exposed to. Now, that said, my blood is still highly toxic, and if it wasn't for that retarded scientists blood in you before it began, you would probably be dead- or become permanently inactive, as it were, as it is still extremely volatile to any living organism that comes into contact with it. But I'm getting off track here!" Shaking my head, I reached into my… Whatever it was that Shinigami call their shirts, and pulled out the Hollow mask from before.
"Now this, is the current manifestation of my Hollow powers in this form. With it, I can do many things that regular Hollows can- shoot Cero's, get the use of Hierro, perform techniques such as Pesquisa and Sonido, the possibilities are endless… Okay, almost endless, sue me. But one technique in particular, is the reason I needed to get my Hollow powers back in the first place- also, I lost my Hollow powers for a wee bit, if you didn't already know… Which you didn't." Putting the mask on for the first time since the transformation, I could literally feel the Reiatsu and Reiryoku flowing through me and around me again, just like back when I had Hollow powers as well. "Ah, how I missed this feeling; Hollow powers, never leave me again." I would have been tempted to kiss the mask giving said powers, but I didn't feel like dealing with the migraine that would soon follow afterwards right now. "Anywho, I kind of, sort of, also forgot to mention the fact that I'm not exactly from this world, and actually come from a universe parallel to this one in just about every aspect."
Man, it's a miracle this girl was about as emotional as a brick wall, otherwise, I'd be getting a lot more punches to the crotch by now-
"And, to top it off, I had no way of getting back to my world without the use of the same way I got here; but I don't know exactly where the doorway is to our world from yours, and I have doubts the Sou-Taicho would grant me the leniency of going Barracks to Barracks looking for a portal to another universe without some serious proof backing me up, and I, basically, have nothing right now, so I was fucked up until I regained some of my old powers." "... I see. Does this mean that 'Ichigo Kurosaki' was nothing but a ruse to storm into the Seireitei and find your way back home, then?" "Sadly, I wish that were true. But, it would appear that fate is not so kind, and instead of me being here from birth, I was brought here… In the middle of this group's invasion into the SS. And to make matters worse, it would appear that 'Ichigo Kurosaki' was completely immersed into MY being, meaning I got all his memories, body, and I also believe his power had a hand in forming my own powers this universe has seen, but I can't be quite certain at present times. However, the one known as Ichigo Kurosaki, has ceased to exist until I can either figure out how to reverse this process, or possibly if I die, he could come back to his original body; but I'd rather not test that theory until absolutely necessary, so I'll be postponing that experiment until MUCH later. But, I digress. I have been getting off topic for a while now, and need to get back on track." Bringing up a hand, I quickly sliced it through the air, as if opening a zipper sideways, and instead of nothing like I mostly expected to happen, I was happily surprised to see the familiar black void open up in midair(Too happy to figure out the racist indications in that sentence!).
"Yes! It actually worked! I can get back to my homeworld again!" "Tou-Sama… Does this mean you no longer need my assistance?" Looking back, I could see the normally shy girl seeming even more drawn back in on herself and reserved than I had seen her in all my time knowing her(All 5 and a half days.). "Ah, come on, Nemu-Chan! You're my daughter- both in spirit and in blood now. Like hell if I am just going to throw you away or punish you for running out of usefulness like your last deadbeat father would have done." Rolling my eyes behind the mask at the thought of the guy that deserved the 'Worst father of the year' award, I motioned towards the portal. "Come on; I could use a… Well, I don't want to say servant, but that's basically what you're going to be used for, so-" Before I could even finish the sentence, the young girl had already stepped into the Garganta to get to the other end.
"... I made sure to tell her to apply Reiatsu under her feet to form a path she could physically walk on, right?"
…
"God damn it, Nemu!"
"Remind me not to get you excited ever again." I deadpanned as I carried the sheepish(Not that you could tell with her damn robot like face- wonder if she and that mime from years ago were related…) woman like a sack of potatoes out onto a building into Kyoto City- my Kyoto City.
"Damn, is this place a dump- just like I remember it!" Grinning at the pollution and the relatively musty air in the city, I couldn't help but feel a lot better about the things that had been going wrong with everything lately- me losing my powers, some rogue Espada going on a rampage in the Seireitei(OUR Seireitei.), me getting lost in a different dimension; screw it all, because I solved one of those problems! Because remember, kids; 1 out of three ain't too shabby. Man, I was just so pumped, I felt like nothing could ruin this moment!
"Oi, dickface!" Okay, I will admit I had that one coming to me. "Should really learn never to tempt fate like I always do." Muttering to myself, I placed the confused Nemu(Seriously, I was gonna get a paternity test for this girl and that freakin' mime.) down onto the building, and turned to see who had said that. "... Nemu, I'm not insane and heard the wind say that, did I?" "Ah, Tou-Sama, a little lower." Now it was my turn to be confused, but I did so, and actually jumped a little at seeing someone. "Jesus, kid, you scared the crap out of me!" "Does Tou-Sama need a fresh change of linens?" "...It's a saying, Nemu." Need to remember to get her a book on those kinds of things whenever I got the chance-
"I am NOT a kid, damn it! And stop ignoring me when I am talking to you, peasant!"
Peasant?! I was fucking Hollow royalty, damn it!... Or I was- this universe transfer thing was really getting me confused on all fronts, here. "Yeah, yeah, kid, whatever you say; who's your supervisor, by the way, so I can get you back to them and firmly slapthe shitout of you in front of them?" "Supervisor, ME?! Asshat, do you not know who I am?!" Looking over him again, size of a 12 year old, the stereotypical spiky red hair, scarlet sweater with black leather sleeves, black pants with iron pieces of armor making a skirt, metal encrusted boots, weird orange light thing dangling off a brown leather sash across his neck, black gloves with similar iron armor covering the wrists, tinted red, and a sword that looks like something out of a beginning quest RPG?
"Are you the user 'Sluts4us32' from my WoW Guild years ago- because if you are, we already told you, Frank, that we don't appreciate being made fun of for our virginities like that… Or at least the other members didn't, because I was totally already laid by then… Yeah." "NO! I am not whoever that is!" Sure didn't know who the hell this was then. "I am the descendant of the great Delta, you buffoon! A legacy in the making, and I don't like the way you've been acting around me one bit! So prepare to die!" Woah, woah woah, WOAH!
"Hold the phone, kid- did you just say Delta was your ancestor, and you were his legacy?" "Yes, that is correct. It seems you realize just how noble in blood I am now!" "Hold the fuck up; what's the date today?" "Today is the date of your DEA-" I didn't even let him finish before blowing up a Cero into his face and sending him hurling across the town, scorching. "Damn it, if time moves extremely fast over in the other universe compared to this one, I am gonna be pissed about how many birthday parties I missed out on!" Picking up the sack of potatoes again(Well, at least she emotes as well as a potato, so that's got to count for something.), I started Shunpoeing across the city, looking for a familiar face in the crowd of newbies.
But after about 5 minutes of searching and not finding anything close to what I was looking for, I stopped by some weird looking feline Hollow with only one eye and a bunch of tribal tattoos across it's body. "My name, is Red XIII, and I-" "And I don't care. Just tell me what date it is today, and I'll let you be on your way." The frown the being gave me wasn't exactly a pleased one. "Well, if you must know, it is January, 2017."
I've been gone for seven months?!
I was so fired once I sign in again on my Peacekeepers account.
"January, huh? That sure is a… Date to be had." Rubbing my forehead to try and appease the headache that was already forming from this information, I turned and started walking off in a random direction. "Oh, yeah, what was your name again, kid?" "RedXIII, not 'Kid'." "Ah, right, right, kid." "No respect for someone originated from the 2nd Espada…" That got me to stop and turn around again. "2nd Espada…? Espada as in, 'Karrie' Espada?" "Yes! Finally, someone knows of my ancestor!" "Karrie, huh? Well, that sucks for you then." "Uh, what does that mean-" He didn't get to figure that out before he was entirely engulfed in an explosion that caused the whole town to shake.
"Yeah, not dealing with two of them if I can help it… Also, we should run." Running away from the massive scorch mark on the ground that used to be a building(Yeah- really hope no one was in that, by the way… I was so fired.), I made my way to the only place I could think to go to hide out until this whole incident blew over. "Secret lab, here I come."
"Secret lab, WHYYYYYYYYYY?!" Pounding my fist on the white sands of Hueco Mundo as Nemu stood behind me and patted my shoulder sympathetically, I looked again at the now Headquarters of some punk ass bitch who was gonna DIE- "Tou-Sama, you're foaming at the mouth again." Right; thought I was over this 3 minutes ago when I found this out the first time. "Who the hell is this 'Ko' person anyway, and why did they take over my god damn laboratory?! I was gone for 7 months, not 7 decades!" "Ah, Tou-Sama, I believe it would be prudent to find another hiding spot before anyone comes to find out what the energy signal you are currently putting off is." "... Right. As much as I would love to go in and kick their ass, we need to wait this thing out, and figure out where to go from here. Come on- I have a place I know for sure no one has access to other than me." Getting up off the floor with a grunt, I grabbed the Lieutenant turned daughter turned maid and moved to my old Barracks.
"Here; Fraccion 10." Sneaking into the building, it turns out that even with all the hell that had gone down seven months ago, the security absolutely sucked. "This used to be my old home before I established the HRADC and became the Curandero Maestro as well. The old ruler of the place actually went rogue around the same time I left this world for yours, and was the main- okay, the entire reason, I left in the first place. Wonder who owns it now, though." Scratching my chin in thought, I made my way to a rusty looking metal door in the far away back of the building. The entire area around the door was dusty, had numerous cobwebs hanging from the ceiling, and it even had 'Do Not Cross' taped around the whole thing to stop people from entering the vicinity. "Okay, this is the room I was talking about." Taking off the tape from the door, I knocked on the door three times, kicked it twice, and headbutted it once, causing a retinal scanner to pop out of the side of the door frame. "Let's hope my biological structure wasn't messed up with the transformation." As the scanner took a look at my eye, a mechanical arm shot out of another hole in the door frame and took a few hairs from my head. "DNA test." I answered the confused apathetic beings curiosity as the scanner retreated, and then an inch and a half hole in the middle of the door opened up. "And what is that test for, Tou-Sama?"
"... I'll tell you when you're older." Unzipping my pants and sticking in the required object, I paused to think. "Come to think of it, I actually don't know what your age is; what are you, 11?" Not giving her time to answer, the door started beeping before I retracted the object from the door and it started to slowly sliding to the left, letting us see the dark chamber ahead as a sickly looking pink mist started billowing out of the area. "Tous-Sama, I am picking up large amounts of toxins in this mist, is it safe to-" "Don't worry about it, just another safety measure to make sure no one can get into this place without being me or having me go in and deactivate this first. And considering you my daughter now, in blood, you won't be effected either." Motioning her to follow behind me, I made my way through the dark chamber with an eery mist as the door behind us closed automatically. "See, I knew something like this would happen eventually- not the 'Different worlds and transformation' thing, though, I meant the whole 'Need a hideout that no one but me could enter because I did something incredibly stupid' thing… Not gonna lie, I thought I would be using this after finally snapping and breaking the neck of one of the One Direction members… Probably Harry." Getting to the end of the chamber, another door was presented to us. "Okay, hold on." Headbutting the door first this time, I hit it three times, before kicking it once, and knocking twice; causing two glass tubes to fall from the roof and start sucking up both of us with the highest running vacuum power you could find.
"WEEEEEEEEEEEE!" I will never get tired of the ride that makes the Kingda Ka at Six Flags look like the tiny spinning teacups.
After what seemed like dozens of twists and turns, about 3 minutes later, the tubes finally ended and dropped us off in a large, sealed off white padded room. "Tou-Sama, is this the room you had made in case you needed to isolate yourself? Do you need the proper equipment to hold you back so you don't go on another rampage?" I looked over at her to see what she was talking about, only to sweatdrop when I saw the straight jacket she now held. I don't even want to know… "No, Nemu-Chan. This is just a cover up for the actual room we'll be staying in." Moving over to the left wall, I crouched down in the corner, and pushed on the bottom padding of the left corner, and suddenly, there was a click as the padded walls slowly lowered, starting to show the actual room around us.
"Tous-Sama...?" "Ah, yes. I suppose you don't know what went on just now. You see, to further ensure no one but me could enter this place I am taking you to, I made the white room to fake people out about the area of location this room is at; no one but me knows the exact place to touch to unlock the key to the hidden room, because the key is continually on the move, going from place to place at random, never staying at one spot for more than a second, and is virtually impossible to track because you cannot sense it, and even I am only barely able to tack it with my Reiatsu, which is the only thing the key reacts to, so even if by some miracle someone not me were able to find it, the entire thing would be useless to them anyway." Now that I am actually explaining these things to someone, I could really see that I was fucking PARANOID before all this happened; I mean, dick sensors? Gas chambers that would make Neo-Nazi's jealous? Insane asylum padded room? I might have overdone this entire thing. As the walls finally lowered all the way into the floor, a pitch black darkness met our eyes, until I clapped my hands twice, letting light filter through the room for the first time in 7 months. "An… Office?" "Not just any office, Nemu-Chan; MY office!" Grinning as I found the entire room hadn't even the faintest speck of dust or anything else that would indicate uncleanliness, I leapt into the air, and landed right on my seat, allowing me to kick up my feet onto the desk. "Now THIS- this, I missed." Pulling out a drawer, I retrieved an embroidered case and opened it, pulling out a thick, black(Innuendo not intendoed.) cigar and lit it with a small metallic lighter that I also pulled from my drawer, and took a huff. "Oh yeah, I needed this." Not bothering to put out the lighter, I threw it back into the fire pit, causing the wood to ignite into flames and cackle in the now silent room. "Man, I could stay like this all day." "But, Tou-Sama, don't you need to answer the question of what caused you to lose your powers in the first place in this land, or even the one of what has happened in your absence?"
Way to kill a mood, Nemu.
"Yes, I suppose so." Sighing, I took my feet off the table and leaned back into my chair, gesturing for Nemu to sit down on one of the chairs adjacent to me. Once she was seated, I took another puff of the smokey nirvana. "Alright, according to what that lion, puma, thing, told me, it's been about 7 months since I disappeared from this world into yours, and also from what it appears, there are quite a few new Hollows and Shinigami as well; most apparently related, somehow, to Hollows and Shinigami I knew from MY time. Which, thinking on it, makes absolutely no sense, because even in 7 months, there is no way any Shinigami or Hollow could hope to reproduce and create an offspring that cognitive in such a short amount of time; plus, their powers were much too large to be a new being. Something isn't right here… There should be no way to have beings like that created in under 7 months. Unless…" I trailed off as I rubbed my chin and Nemu just looked on as I contemplated on these new events. "They weren't made in 7 months, but were actually crafted into this universe before I even lost my original powers! But that still doesn't solve this; I'd have known of something of this caliber was going on, especially on the Hollow side. I was the head scientist for god's sake! Those other morons couldn't hope to make a fucking gigai without me holding their damn hands while they did it. So whatever this is definitely had to have gone down while I was gone. But then, this just creates more questions, like how did they manage this, why did they do this, or even WHO THE FUCK TOOK MY DAMN LAB?!" "Tou-Sama." "I MEAN WHO THE FUCK DID THIS IN MY ABSENCE… YEAH!"
"Honestly, Tou-Sama, I worry about your sanity at times. And this is one of those times." "Oh hush it, poppet. You're just as insane as I am, now that you're my daughter." Taking another satisfying drag from this decadent cigar, I spewed the smoke out towards the ceiling. "Smoooooth- oh so smooth. Want one?" I held out the box to a confused Nemu, as she slowly lifted one of the objects out of the box. "What is this…?" "This, Nemu, is your new best friend." Taking it out of her hand, I lit the thing up with my own, and stuffed it in her lips. "Alright, now take a breath in, and blow out the residue that sticks into your mouth." Watching her as she did as she was told, I saw her eyes widen as the smoke left her mouth cavity. "So? Do you love it, or do you love it?" Not getting an answer, I looked down to go back into my desk and get some alcohol as well, I stopped as I saw the now empty cigar box. Looking back up, I blankly stared at the girl who now had 5 cigars sticking from her mouth, all lit and in use. "Nemu… Did you just steal all those cigars, and are now using them?" She took out all five cigars with a single hand, and blew out what had to be the biggest tobacco cloud I had seen right into my face. "Hai, Tou-Sama." "You, little-" I stopped and rubbed my eyes with my sleeve as I sniffled. "Offspring of mine! I've never been this proud of someone since Acnologia lost his wiener streaking in my office because of the little-"
My pupils dilated.
"WHERE THE FUCK IS MY KIT?!"