A/N: prompt from tumblr: "I can't do this"
so i have an au where my warden ends up as inquisitor, and since it's still technically my canon worldstate (kinda? mostly? up until dai?) i figured i'd post that stuff here too
She stands out at the edge of the village, recalling a time when Haven was a place filled with darkness and mystery and evil.
It still is, she supposes, in some ways.
The Breach looms over her, the Fade seeming to pour from its maw, trickling down into Thedas and slowly drowning them all. Olivia feels as if she's drowning, already; her warden armor rests heavy on her shoulders, and the sword at her side serves more to anchor her in place than to aid her in battle. She's been here before, feeling helpless and hapless and all manner of things that shouldn't burden a leader – yet here she stands once more, ankle-deep in the snow and staring out into the forest pretending she has faith in herself.
The wind – the damned cold Fereldan wind – whistles in her ears, and she shivers against it. Was it this freezing last time, she begins to wonder, then stops herself; if she gets caught up in those thoughts, she'll lose herself in both doubts and memories.
Because this isn't last time, it isn't ten years ago and she isn't the young mage still stunned speechless by the stars every night. She chose this, she reminds herself, volunteered to assist in whatever negotiations she could just to stop the war against the mages.
But that doesn't make it fair.
One world-saving journey is far more than enough, and two is comparable to a curse. When Olivia had been younger and bright-eyed and curious, maybe she could've handled this; but now – hardened but not quite jaded, optimistic but not quite hopeful – she isn't sure how.
Why me, she wants to shout up to the sky, to cry out to the Maker and spit the words like poison at Him and His Bride. But as soon as the thought enters her mind, she pushes it away and recoils from it; someone has to lead the burgeoning Inquisition and shoulder the weight and the responsibility, and it isn't a fate that Olivia would wish on anyone else.
Everyone back in Haven seems to believe that she's best suited to lead them, and even if she doesn't agree, Olivia has no choice but to try.