II. Elysium – The Sleeping City of the Dead

Through the vortex, Vanille and I made our way back to the city of chaos in the cosmos. I didn't recognize this street we were on. The buildings were taller here than the place where Lumina had taken me to. They steadily disintegrated at the very top, almost like gunpowder spiraling through the overcast skies. I looked around, hoping to remember how to get back to the courtyard where Fang was, but nothing looked familiar to me. Silhouettes of the dead hovered up and down the road, most turning to look at us. I noticed a glittering temple spire not too far away. The energy it resonated felt like Etro's. That must have been where Yeul and Caius were.

"We should head that way," I said, pointing to the temple. Vanille leaned on me, like she was tired all of a sudden. "Yeul and Caius should be able to tell us where Fang is… What's the matter with you?" She clutched her head and fell to the ground, screaming in pain. "Vanille! Damnit, it's the chaos!" I knelt down to hold her. "Here, this should help." I siphoned some of Etro's blessing to Vanille by crystal light, enough to calm her down.

Vanille groaned, rubbing her head. "How awful," she muttered. "We have to get Fang out of here…"

"Can you walk?" I asked. She could barely shake her head no. I picked her up. "Come on. The temple is just over there."

"I don't want to be a burden…"

"You're not," I said, smiling. "It's my fault for not doing this before we left. Your strength will come back to you soon enough. Let's hope they'll have some answers for us."

At the temple, two suits of spiked black armor stood watch in front of the entrance. Caius opened the double doors. He made the armored statues step out of our way. He gestured for me to enter with Vanille. On the inside, the stone walls, wide open spaces and high ceilings reminded me of the Temple of the Goddess from Valhalla and the Wildlands. It wasn't exactly the same. Yeul as the Seeress over the centuries had portals along the walls: snapshots from other distant places in time, all in chronological order. Vanille watched as we passed by a vortex leading to Oerba during the War of Transgression, around the time when she and Fang had first become l'Cie.

Yeul as the new goddess of death had other mementos along the ceilings: unaspected crystals spiking from the surfaces, holding what little remained of Etro's powers.

"Fragments of memories," said Caius, leading us to Yeul's throne. "They once belonged to Etro. Each of them hold records of our battles in Valhalla, all leading up to the moment of her death. They serve as epitaphs of her legacy."

"Did Etro make them herself?" I asked. "If that was the case, she must have known I'd fail…"

"She did not," replied Caius. "Yeul has been blessed with the power of the crystals. These were her doing. She will aid you in your search for your friend."

Yeul smiled as we approached. "How good to see you again," she greeted.

"Have we met before?" I wondered. "There are so many versions of you… It's hard to tell the difference."

"We met once in the Wildlands," she answered. "I was the one who guided you through the Temple of the Goddess there. You were understandably confused by my many contradictions."

"Right, I remember," I said. "Since you're the goddess of death now, you have complete control over the chaos. Fang is here in this city somewhere. We're trying to save her. Is there anything you can do to help us?"

Yeul gestured to the vestibule nearby. "Your friend awaits beyond," she replied. "She suffers because Elysium is unkind to the living without Etro's blessing of crystal. You with even the purest of spirits have seen this firsthand." Her eyes lingered over Vanille in my arms. "In order to prolong Fang's safety in this realm, I have created another medium through which you can assist her. Venture forth and decide on how you will save her. The paths are many, but there is a right way. The bond of your shared friendships will see you through."

"Have you created a labyrinth of Fang's mind and spirit?" asked Vanille. "We have to decide which paths to take, based on how well we know her? And if we get it wrong…we risk losing her to the chaos?"

"That is correct," answered Yeul. "You'll have unlimited time. However, from the moment you enter, the more time that passes, the more Fang will grow unstable. Elysium's chaos will change her completely, making it more difficult for you to carry out your task. More difficult, but not impossible. Together you must choose which paths to take. I suggest stopping to discuss with one another just before you enter."

Vanille had me set her down. "I'm all better now!" she said. "Thank you, Lightning." She smiled at Yeul. "And thank you, too, for all you've done for Fang. We really appreciate it."

"Yeah, we do," I agreed. "We'll take care of the rest."

Caius opened the way to the vestibule. "You may proceed," he said. "I will guide you to the doors of your friend's subconscious. What you glean from there will help you decide on your approach."

We followed Caius through the doors. From there, the stone pathway led down to an endless set of porcelain doors. We had a full view of Fang's subconscious, transparent beyond the doors. Vanille gasped at the sight: crimson skies and black clouds, storming with lightning high above, and obfuscated by the mist of chaos farther down. Endless paths crisscrossed everywhere, leading to more doors and thicker storms. Smaller, skeletal versions of Bahamut flew through the skies in pairs, roaring loudly.

At the highest point we could see, twisting in the air, was a hologram of Fang's body. She lay face-up in the middle of the sky, her back arched and legs bent, arms outstretched downward at her sides. From how pained she was, it looked like she'd been frozen in place after being struck by lightning.

Vanille placed her hands over her mouth. "It looks almost…demonic," she spoke. "Is this normal?"

"No, it is not," said Caius. "Her body has undergone a great change since arriving in Elysium. The physical creation of her hatreds has also spurred this development." Lumina was right again—Fang really had created her own demon, just like mine. "Look closely into her subconscious before you proceed. Once you open a door, your friend's chaos will spill to Elysium's lands. While it will act as a cleansing force at first, Elysium's chaos will eventually begin to invade, further upsetting the present imbalance." He looked to me. "Mind the scales, and tread carefully. You may cause unforeseen damage if you do not."

"I understand that part," I said. "But what exactly are we looking for? Something to make her wake up? How will we know when we find it?"

Caius pointed to Fang's hologram up above. "Her position will change depending on your actions," he answered. "Once her apparition has fully assumed a fighting stance with her weapon, she will return to her physical form and find her way to the temple. I do not know your friend with certainty, thus I cannot tell you what to look for. Keep in mind that once inside, perception becomes reality. Anything you think of can grow into a tool. Use that to your advantage."

He returned to the temple, keeping the vestibule doors open behind him. Vanille walked further down the slope, staring up at the hologram of Fang's body. She stopped at the crossroads where the first paths split. From there, each door led to different memories and times. I saw the lush green paths of Vallis Media behind one door, the sandstorms of the Dead Dunes behind another, the winding streets and glass buildings of Palumpolum at dusk behind yet another—one after another, after another and another, all leading to so many places where Fang had been during her life.

"Vanille?" I asked. She turned and smiled at me. "How do you think we should do this? You know her best. I have no idea where to go from here."

Vanille hummed. "Well, let's think," she offered. "Caius and Yeul said that we have to choose the best paths, and that there is a right way. Lumina also said that this is a job for two people. That means we'll have to split up at some point. You'll have to go one place, and I'll go to another."

"Her mind and her spirit," I remembered. "There should be one path leading to each. From there, I'm guessing there will be something we need to fix. We won't know until we get there. We'll have an idea of how well we're doing if the hologram eventually shifts to Fang in her battle stance…with her weapon. Maybe we have to find her spear somewhere."

"That sounds simple, don't you think?"

"Yeah, too simple," I said. I walked closer to the door leading to the Oerba. "Each path leads to something that needs fixing. Every path has a door." Vanille tried opening the door. It refused to budge. "We need a key for every door. If we're going to find the one leading to her mind, and the other leading to her spirit, we need to think of what each key might be. Do you have any ideas?"

Vanille pointed to the skies. "See the stars?" she asked. "They're barely visible through the clouds. Can you tell which constellation is there?"

I narrowed my eyes, trying to get a better look. "Yeah, it's…Libra. That isn't Fang's sign. It's mine."

"Yes, but remember," added Vanille, "The opposite constellation will be present in the sky when a person is born. Your opposite sign is Aries, the Behemoth. The behemoth is Fang's spirit animal. We need to find it for the key to her spirit's door! I know just the place to look."

"And her mind?" I asked. "What would be the key to unlocking that door?"

"Easy," said Vanille. "It's whatever makes Fang tick. There are lots of things, really… Let's pick one!"

I followed her to the door to the Dead Dunes. "Her secrets?" I guessed.

"Oh, that's a good one! Those shouldn't be too hard to find. They're all over the place here."

"But Vanille," I protested. "How are we supposed to use them as a key if we don't know what they are? They're called secrets for a reason…" I opened the door. I expected it to give me a hard time. It was like there hadn't been a lock at all. "That's odd. Why couldn't you open the other one?"

"I'm not sure… It's too late to stand around now that we've opened one. We have to keep moving!"

Fragmented frames of the Dead Dunes played out around us. Sands and winds from the storm blew past in sliced parts. Grainy, washed-out colors of the afternoon sky, and the literal sound in the winds of film tape caught in a reel made me think that Fang's memories were broken. If they weren't, then they must have been infected by all the chaos inside of her. Through our drained surroundings, I saw small, crystallized fragments of chaos glittering in the sun. I heard distant echoes of Fang's voice coming from most of them. Others had Vanille's voice. Some of them were mine. The rest were from our friends, or voices that I didn't recognize at all.

Vanille hopped up to catch the pixels of chaos like they were butterflies. When she caught me staring at her, she offered a fragment to me. I took it in my hands. I listened to Fang's voice—her memory, her secret—as Vanille and I made our way to the Monoculus' hideout up north.

I tried to stop the recording once I realized how private these thoughts were. It kept going anyway…

"That motherfucking bitch! Cunt-ass, whore-ass, insecure, stupid ass slut! She throws me down to hell, then has the nerve to think she can get away with it?! Every karma fal'Cie on this planet is gonna make her rot for what she's done. Not in hell. No, I've already been there. It ain't good enough for her. She needs to live through this shit. I want her to know just how fucking basic she is. I want her to see it in the mirror every day. How she'll never know my strength of passion. How she'll never get to the heights I go to without even tryin'. How she'll always wander around, fucking lost, like a little girl without a clue about how the world works.

"I ain't vindictive enough to force the truth down her throat. I don't believe for one damn second she wanted me to fuck her throat at all. She said stupid shit like that to get me goin'. I told her straight up that I like my women direct and willin' to try almost anything. I swear it's like she became everything she thought I wanted. She was that girl for maybe a month, then went back and forth between that person and the one who couldn't tell her tits from her head! 'Fang!' she'd say. 'I don't know who you are anymore. You're scaring me. I feel like I can't talk to you. Why can't you calm down? Why do you always have to have it your way?'

"And I'd say back, 'This wasn't a problem in the beginning, back when you thought you wanted a challenge! Now you wanna get all complacent all me. You want your fucking consistency like I'm some bitch made out of cardboard! I was all ready to give you my everything, then you pull the damn rug from under me, as if I wasn't gonna flip out over it?!' Pains of passion! Tearing, ripping, shredding, stomping, fucking heartbreak, breaking again and again, making me spiral so goddamn hard! I was the idiot for thinkin' she'd stop lyin' to me as long as I gave her my heart. I shouldn't do that anymore. The givin' my heart to other girls thing. It ain't never worked. Besides, I've got Vanille. I don't need relationships."

Vanille giggled once she finished listening to her fragment. "Oh, Fang," she said, amused. "Every time you go quiet, your head is buzzing with thoughts! No matter how brash you are, you still know when you should say nothing. It used to make you difficult to read. I could never tell the difference before…but that was a long time ago." She noticed how confused I looked. "Hm? Lightning, what's wrong? You look like you've stumbled into someone's room while they're changing!"

"Really, Vanille?" I asked. She only smiled at me like she didn't understand. "These are Fang's private thoughts! How am I supposed to react to them?! You must have listened to something tame…"

"Mine was about what she thought of me when we first met. She found me endearing, though she didn't get how I was so happy all the time. As we got to know one another better, Fang made it her personal mission to protect my happiness! She said it was infectious and she never wanted it to wither away. Which thoughts of hers did you hear?"

"I don't know exactly," I replied. I did my best not to stammer. "It was about…a girl. Someone she was mad at. It sounded like…like Fang was in love with her until they went their separate ways."

Vanille tilted her head to one side. "Which one?" she asked. "There were quite a few up until she and I became l'Cie. Did she say a name? Was it Laina from her clan? She was the one who told Fang she enjoyed exhibitionism, even though she ended up running away once they were about to try it. Wait, was it Yvain from my clan? They were very close until Yvain admitted to having fetish for urinating… Fang pretended to have gotten lost on a hunt for two whole weeks before she went back home to break up with her. Oh no, it couldn't have been Eryal! She was the one who dragged Fang to a sacred mausoleum for one of their dates! They were about to do it until the fal'Cie Dahaka blasted through the roof!"

I groaned. "Never mind. I don't want to hear any more about Fang's sexual adventures."

"But Lightning, this is important!" insisted Vanille. I rubbed my face, hoping I would stop blushing. "Her secrets are the key to unlocking her mind. If you don't know more about them, how will you help her? You have to give me more information, or else I can't tell you who she was angry with or why."

"I can't, Vanille," I answered. "It feels wrong. Unless Fang tells me herself, what right do I have to know? These are things she didn't tell me for a reason. I don't want to cross that line."

Vanille hummed in thought. "You are right about that," she said. "She didn't tell you for a reason…"

"And no matter how intriguing that is," I went on, "It's none of my business. I'll figure out another way."

"Okay, but…you should have this one," said Vanille, handing me another fragment. "It's nothing like the one you listened to. This one is made up of things that you could guess about her on your own…sort of. If you really took that kind of time, you could figure it out. You're going to need it later. You have to trust me."

I put the fragment away for now. "I'll trust you on this," I told her. We arrived at the oasis surrounding the stone hideout. "Looks like no one's here. Should we at least go to Fang's office?"

"Yes, we should!" replied Vanille. "The key to her spirit will be there."

We made our way over to the chilled shadows of the hideout. "How do you know for sure?" I asked.

"When I lived in the Cathedral, Fang and I would write letters to one another. She often said that she felt closest to her spirit animal while she worked here. He once lived with us in Oerba. He loved playing with my pet robot, Bhakti. When we became l'Cie, Fang gave him to Anima and asked it to watch over him until we completed our Focus. Then, one day, she found him again in her office when she came back from the Temple Ruins! It was a miracle! He must be there again if we're in her memories."

"I don't remember Fang having an animal with her in the Dead Dunes…"

Vanille laughed. "She had him in his summoning stone, that's why," she said. "Fang didn't want anyone asking questions about him. She kept him there until she could play with him alone. He also distracted her whenever she had a mission. He was the cutest thing! I missed him so much!"

I had no idea how a behemoth could be cute. How the hell could one even fit in Fang's office? They were giant, predatory monsters with massive horns and fangs. Vanille had told me stories about how their purple manes were sought after by weavers to the point of endangering them on Gran Pulse. Hearing about Fang's spirit animal helped me understand the rest of their logic. Back during our journey as l'Cie, both Fang and Vanille had always refused to fight any behemoths we ran into. Sazh had freaked out the first few times, yelling at them to help us, but they wouldn't listen. It had gotten to the point where I had to purposely lead our group around any behemoths in our way, just so Vanille wouldn't complain about animal cruelty, and Fang wouldn't lecture me about the importance of preserving endangered species.

I also had to remember that this wasn't reality. Maybe something different would be in the room. Whenever I looked up, no matter if we were indoors or outdoors, Fang's hologram was still there in the sky—the same place, the same distance away, high above. It felt like the north star of her subconscious, guiding us on our way.

When we got to Fang's office, I had a déjà vu moment. Vanille's squealing fooled me into thinking we were back in the Moogle Village, somehow. Then I saw her rush toward Fang's desk. Sitting on top of the surface was a baby behemoth, wagging his tail and letting out high pitched growls. Then I saw another apparition of Fang, sitting behind the desk, smiling as she watched Vanille hug her pet. I walked over to them to get a better look. The behemoth hopped out of Vanille's arms and back onto the desk when he saw me. He growled at me with his tail raised in the air.

"Aww, Bane's just overprotective," explained Vanille. "I'm sure if you offer him something to eat, he'll trust you right away! He's only a baby. He won't hurt you if you feed him."

"I don't have anything to feed a behemoth…"

"Bane enjoys meat," said Vanille. "Remember what Caius said? Perception is reality!"

"So if I just…" I thought about meat jerky in my hand and it appeared. "…think about it, it'll show up."

I offered Bane the meat. He ate it right away. He wagged his tail and padded over to me, sniffing at my sleeves to see if I had more food. I had to admit—he was kind of cute… Not that I'd ever say it out loud. Vanille redirected his snout back over to her. Fang's ghost stood up. She walked around the desk, over to me. When she grinned and clapped my shoulder, I heard a crystal chime, like a key had fit into a faraway lock, opening the way forward.

The phantom dissipated, rising above to Fang's hologram. Our north star shifted into a sitting position. In front of us, the back wall split open to a path back to the demonic storm of Fang's subconscious. Vanille skipped ahead with Bane in her arms. I followed after her. As I watched her twirl around and talk to Fang's pet, I realized how jealous I was. Vanille knew Fang so well—better than I ever would. There was no way I could compete with Vanille having grown up with Fang, becoming l'Cie, and then spending centuries after centuries together in crystal stasis. Without her, I would have been completely lost in this place. Fang had promised me I was her best friend, too.

I felt like I should have known more about her. Being here made me see how little I truly knew about her. Lumina had taunted me about knowing Fang best, second to Vanille. This must have been why. Thousands of years of thoughts, feelings, memories, desires and dreams were all here, swirling around me, and I couldn't decipher any of them. Even if I did take a crash course on all of her secrets, how could Vanille expect me to be useful? If Lumina, Caius and Yeul hadn't said that two people were needed for this, I would have left by now.

The worst part? I couldn't get rid of this feeling that I'd mess things up.

"Oh, look!" said Vanille. "This door has chaos coming out from underneath…" Bane wagged his tail as he looked at the door. "He's trying to tell me that this is the way to Fang's spirit. I should go with him. I still have some of Etro's blessing that you gave me. The chaos shouldn't bother me."

I stared at the shining path of crystal nearby. "There's another door up there," I pointed out. "That one must lead to Fang's mind. When I first saw her here, there were two fountains pouring out from her: one of crystal, the other of chaos. If her spirit is chaos, then that means her mind is full of crystal…" Vanille frowned at me. She could tell that I was uncertain…hesitating. "Are you sure you want to go that way? I don't know all of Fang's secrets like you do… I don't want to do something wrong."

"Lightning, you shouldn't say that," she tried. "I don't know all of her secrets, either. We've known each other a long time… There have always been parts of her mind that she's kept locked away from me. But look." She guided my hand to open the door to the roaring chaos of Fang's spirit. "You didn't need Bane to open this door. That means you can open any of them! You have the power to unlock her…all of her. That's something even I don't have. You should use it to your advantage, like Caius said."

"If I can open any door, does it matter which way I go?"

Vanille nodded. "Bane is the key to her spirit," she reminded me. "There will certainly be more doors along this path. I'll need him to open them for me. I won't be able to get anywhere in her mind. You have to go that way!"

I looked down to the door we came in from. Torrents of chaos flew out through the opening. It was only a matter of time before Fang's excess chaos stopped flowing out, and Elysium's more potent, dangerous chaos started flowing in. Vanille used her shoulder to push me along the crystal path. I stumbled forward. She waved goodbye and wished me good luck, disappearing into the chaos. Our north star changed again: Fang pushed herself off the invisible ground, staying frozen that way.

As I made my way up the crystal path, Fang's apparition moved a little more. With each step I took, another frame added to the moving pictures of her standing up. A sudden crash from below almost made me fall off the path. Smoke spiraled up to where I was, threatening to choke me. I used my collar to cover my nose and mouth, running toward the double doors up ahead. Fang's apparition turned her head toward me. Soft green of her eyes burned orange from the hellish fires burning beneath us. Her expression was unreadable. I couldn't tell if she was mad at me or not. She couldn't have been. The hologram had nearly stood up. If this was the wrong way…it would have been obvious. Her apparition wouldn't try to stand up if that was the case.

I rushed through the doors and shut them behind me. I leaned against them, catching my breath as I looked around. Peaceful silence and glittering crystal was a welcome change from the sudden commotion outside. Then I heard the sounds of slow footsteps approaching. It was Fang. Or…it looked like Fang, at least. She had one hand against the white wall, dragging her sandaled feet against the ground. The silk of her black sari didn't have that shine I remembered. Her dark hair didn't reflect the light of the crystal. What fooled me were her eyes and the tone of her skin—those hadn't changed at all.

"Fang?" I asked. "Is that you? What happened? Why do you look so different?" She collapsed next to the crystal pillars in the corner. I hurried over to her. "Hey, are you all right?" She didn't answer me. I shook her shoulders. "Fang! What's the matter with you?! Say something!"

She laughed softly. "Oh, Light," she drawled. "What the hell are you doin'? You don't belong here…"

"I'm here to save you!"

She leaned back against the wall. "Well, if that's the case," she muttered, extending her hand, "Give me my spear. You know how to get it. Once you do, I'll tell you what's goin' on. Not before."

Kain's Lance appeared the second I thought of it. "Here, it's yours. Now tell me…"

"…that simple, huh?" she said, using her weapon to stand up. "It is, ain't it? It's all real simple… I'm not Fang and I never was." My heart sunk. Out of the corners of my eyes, I saw my terrified reflection along the crystal pillars. I wanted to back away. I wanted to take Fang's weapon back. I couldn't do anything but stare at this…thing that looked like her. "I'm…her despair. Her sadness, her grief, her sorrow—all of those turn to fucking madness… She tries to bury me away, yeah? Actin' like I don't affect her. She'll coddle Vanille or spar with you, thinkin' she can forget all about me. I'm sick of bein' ignored…"

I thought back to when I first found Fang in that courtyard. "Did I create you…?"

She pointed Kain's Lance right at me. "You might've helped the process along," she admitted. "I'll give you credit for that much. I've been a long time in the makin', Sunshine."

"How?" I asked. "I thought Lumina was the only one of her kind. How do you exist for Fang?"

"I'm the one who does and says all the shit she won't allow. She wants it all. She holds it back; it builds; it gives me life and kills me at the same time. And you? She don't want you here, only she's scared as shit to tell you why." She walked forward with the point of Fang's lance in my face. I backed away, eyes darting between that tip and the curve to her lips from that smirk. "So here's what we're gonna do. You're gonna get the hell outta here before I fuck up her head. If you take one look at what's in these crystals, she'll lose it anyway. Do her a favor and turn back right now."

"Damnit, I can't! If I leave, Elysium's chaos will overwhelm her… Why are you doing this? Won't you disappear if something bad happens to her?"

"It don't matter what happens to me," she said. "There ain't nothin' wrong with a little destruction here and there. Besides, didn't you hear? Everything gets destroyed in the end! It's a fucking waste of time worryin' about what's gonna happen otherwise. The moment you accept your fate, the better off you'll be. Fearless, peerless and full of ambition… Nothin' will ever get in your way."

I blanked out. I didn't know what to do. If I left, or let her kill me, Fang would fall to the chaos. She had me pinned in place. I felt her every sense, her every intuition in my blood, in my limbs, down to the marrow in my bones. If I tried to move, she'd anticipate it and parry anything I did. From the second my pores opened to make me sweat, she smirked again.

"Seems like you've decided to stay!" she announced. "That's too bad. I kinda liked all these twisted thoughts in her head. But, hey—she wants 'em gone so you won't go lookin'. Don't blame me—I'm only the messenger this time!"

Fang's demon smashed Kain's Lance into the crystal pillars, shattering them to pieces. The ground beneath me crumbled. I grabbed onto Fang's weapon to keep from falling. I hung in the balance between her demon and the scorched grounds down below. Without hesitation, she shrugged and let go of the lance. I fell and fell without anything to break my fall. I landed hard against my back and rolled over in pain. Through my narrowed eyes, I barely saw Fang's hologram getting closer to her battle stance. Her demon destroyed those crystals… How was this the right way? Shouldn't she have reversed to how she'd been before?

Unless her demon was right, and Fang really didn't want me to see what was in her mind.

The charred, black-red ground pulsed beneath me; the walls dripped with a viscous substance. I held Fang's weapon close to my chest. If I could just get back on my feet, I could find some way out of here. When I tried to get up, a sudden force shoved me back down. Bursting breath and screeching hisses blew against my face. Slick sounds of a paper-thin tongue over long fangs, acidic stench of venom—I widened my eyes as I saw a huge snake with a woman's face on top of me. I shoved it away and scrambled back. It lunged at me before I could react. Deep, gashing pain bit into my neck. I bit back my scream and redirected my agony into strength. I ripped the snake off of me and shoved it back. It attacked again; I speared its mouth shut for good.

Vritra. Despair. It kept hissing those words at me as blood and venom trickled out from its head. I didn't have time to wonder what any of it meant. Fang's apparition was so close to the stance I remembered. She stared at me with her hand outstretched, palm open. Waiting. I winced from my open wounds, reaching to align Kain's Lance with her hand. Once it was set, the hologram's stance was complete. I barely heard her words in my head as I drifted to sleep.

"I'll take care of it from here, Light. I owe you…"

.

Ragnarok – The Cosmic Airship of Chaos

When I woke up, it was to the soft hum of engines. I tried to move around in the bed I was in. The pain in my neck had mostly healed. Gauze wrapped around my wound beneath my armor. My blood had bled over the white of my collar and farther down. Whoever patched me up had to have taken the top half of my garb off. I looked over to the bunk along the other wall, just paces away from me. Fang was there, resting with her eyes closed. She shifted once she heard I was awake.

Fang bolted to her feet. "You fucking scared me!" she yelled. "Gettin' hurt like that… Then you go and stay asleep for four whole days! I couldn't pilot this bloody airship without worryin' about you. Vanille's flyin' this thing all by herself. She got the hang of it pretty quick."

"Airship…?" I said, trying to sit up.

"Hey, none of that," said Fang, easing me back down. "You've been in a coma, Light. You gotta take it easy." I shook my head. I didn't get how we went from being in Fang's subconscious to an airship… "Yeul gave us the ship. She said it'll take us home. From the looks of it, she was right. We're on course for Chrysalis. Should be there soon. Didn't wanna have to lug you back home and get an earful from Serah."

"But…are we still in your mind? Or…your spirit?"

Fang smiled and sat down along my bed. "No, we're in space right now," she replied. "Actual space. You know, with all the stars and planets. The ship runs on natural traces of chaos. It exists everywhere. That's about all I know. If I hadn't been so worried about you, I would've asked more questions."

"What about…those crystal pillars from your mind? Your memories…"

"I've got a backup," she answered, putting her hand over her heart. "All my memories are here, too. I don't remember 'em the same now that those ones are missin' from my head… I'll deal with that later."

"Are you safe now?"

Fang pressed a chilled towel against my burning forehead. "I'm good, Light," she said. "It's all thanks to you and Vanille. I don't wanna think about what would've happened if you two didn't help me."

I frowned. "You didn't want my help," I reminded her. "Not at first. And when I got to your mind…"

"Yeah, I know," said Fang. She set the towel aside and looked away. "Let's not talk about that. You've had a rough time…" I noticed an empty trash can sitting next to the bed. Dozens of used towels were sprawled out on the nearby desk. Rolls of gauze and other first aid supplies were there, too. "I couldn't sleep. I took care of you myself. It was my fault you got hurt. Didn't think you'd want Vanille seein' you in this state, anyway."

"Don't change the subject… Why didn't you want me to see what was in those crystals? You must have realized I was the one who would go into your mind. Why didn't you let me do anything?"

Fang still wouldn't look at me. "It's personal, all right? Nothin' special," she tried. I didn't buy that last part. "Look, even if I told you, it wouldn't change anything. That was all stuff I hadn't told Vanille about. Things that I ain't exactly proud of. They're ugly. They're sick. They're nothin' like the way you know me. I don't want you to change the way you see me for the worse. I like your eyes where they're at now."

"Right now, I'm looking at a coward," I told her. Fang flinched, as if she didn't expect that. "How long have we known each other? How many times have you had my back in a fight? You watched me fight a hopeless battle in Valhalla for five hundred years! Whenever Caius wasn't around, I went to my room in Etro's temple and cried over my sister, over you, from how much I missed you, knowing you had your eyes on me! And I'm not allowed to have a small glimpse into your mind?"

"You wouldn't have liked what was there…"

I felt a sting rising in my throat. "You could have let me be the judge of that," I whispered. "Now the crystals in your mind are fragmented. If you don't find a way to piece them back together, it'll only upset the balance of light and chaos inside of you again. You can't live like this."

Fang scoffed. "I can live however I damn please," she argued. "There ain't no sense in tryin' to guilt-trip me about it. I keep my demons inside. You get close again, and they'll do worse than what they did to your neck!"

"Do you really think I'm a porcelain doll that can't handle the truth about someone? About you?"

"Fuck, Light, this ain't about you!" she shouted. "It's about me and what I can handle! Call me a coward all you like. I don't fucking care! This is none of your damn business!"

I sat up and made her look me in the eye. "Then why are you getting defensive?" I demanded. "If this has nothing to do with me, why are you so angry about it? Don't you know how much it hurts that you don't want to share this with me? If I could spill my mind open to you, I'd let you see everything! I have nothing to hide from you."

Fang stood up, throwing her hands in the air. "Well good for you!" she yelled. "You're an open book. Great! That tells me your thoughts are all rainbows and sunshine and all the heroes get their princesses in the end. You want 'em to stay that way? Then keep your nose from where it don't belong!"

I nearly threw up when the airship came to a sudden stop. Fang cursed and grabbed the railing of the top bunk. Vanille's voice sounded over the intercom, "Fang? We've got a really, really big problem! Come back to the bridge! Hurry!"

"No, don't you dare!" ordered Fang. "You get up and you're gonna hurl all over the place! Stay your ass right here! You hear me?" I got out of bed anyway. She growled and wrung her hands in front of me. "I swear if you weren't ill I'd fucking throw you back down! Why d'you gotta be so damn stubborn?"

"Now you know how it feels," I countered.

Fang gave up arguing and left for the bridge. I followed after her, limping a little from the soreness in my back. Sleek black and red steel of the airship distracted me from Fang ranting about how reckless I was. We went down a hallway and turned a corner to the elevator. Fang pursed her lips as she held the doors open for me. When I got inside, I leaned against the wall, listening to the elevator take us a few floors up to where Vanille was. When we arrived, Fang rushed to Vanille's side. I stopped to stare out the windows.

We had a full view of Chrysalis from orbit. It would've been a nice sight if not for all the PSICOM and Guardian Corps gunships in our way. Then I heard Yaag Rosch over the loud speakers. He was another of PSICOM's top officers during the Purge.

"You have an enemy of the state aboard your aircraft!" he warned. "Oerba Yun Fang is not allowed on Chrysalian soil! If you attempt to land with her, we will open fire!"

Vanille gaped at the speakers. "Fang?!" she said. "How is she an enemy? She's innocent!"

"We have received reports of the abnormal levels of chaos within her system! Chrysalis strives to be a land free of the chaos' influence. Our people have suffered enough from its effects. If she breathes the same air as our citizens, she will taint them once more! We cannot allow this to pass!"

Fang groaned. "Are you shittin' me…?" she muttered.

"That isn't true!" argued Vanille. "We purged the extra chaos from her! She's safe!"

"We? Who is we?" demanded Rosch. "Who is there to corroborate your tale?"

I limped forward. "I'm here!" I said.

Rosch paused. "The Savior…?" he asked. "Sergeant Farron of the Guardian Corps? Our readings didn't trace you aboard."

"Yes, it's me. We're willing to prove that Fang isn't a threat! Let us land at PSICOM's headquarters and we'll show you."

Cid Raines took his turn, "That sounds like a fair offer. Lieutenant-Colonel Rosch—are you in agreement?"

"I'm transmitting the coordinates to them now," he answered. "We will see if they speak the truth once they are on the ground. If we are not satisfied, we will immediately take preventative measures. This is non-negotiable!"

Once the gunships moved out of our way, Vanille began the descent onto Chrysalis. Fang sat back in the nearest seat and kicked her legs up. She scowled as she stared out the windows. I sat next to her and put on my seatbelt. I watched her the whole time as we landed. Fang didn't look back at me. Not once. She was still angry at me from our argument earlier. I could tell from the way the side of her mouth twitched. She wanted to say something, but her pride held her words back. I didn't have any room for my pride. I felt all of my shame without anything in the way. I spent so much energy worrying over her before. I'd saved her with Vanille's help. Fang was here; she was in front of me again…and the first thing we talked about was my hurt feelings.

I shouldn't have been so selfish.

We had the best view of the world from here—the world that, once again, feared her for reasons that were out of her control. From this different perspective, I wanted to change that conversation we'd had earlier. I wanted to tell her right then and there that I wasn't going to let Chrysalis incriminate her. I refused to let her live a life on the run again. That wasn't part of my dream for this new world. When Fang turned to scowl directly at me, I felt those dreams crumbling from deep within my heart. It took all the willpower I had not to show her how upset I was. Instead, I used these last minutes to figure out some way to make things up to her.