"Kiss in Taksim Square" by Chinawoman

VI. Debut – It was paradise

Thrumming beats in my chest loudened the closer we got to Nautilus Park, mirroring the bass of the music playing through the speakers. Fang leaned on me, watching me smoke; watching the haze grow in my eyes. Glittering constellations in the sky above seemed so much closer… As close as Fang was to me, whispering in my ear about all the fun we'd have that night. She didn't notice the way I held her tighter than usual. My world had slipped, spinning far away from me, up into the sky, and it had forgotten to take me with it. Even though I had no place left to stand…I felt like I could handle anything.

"We're almost there," she murmured, smirking against my face. Her thick lashes brushed against me. I stared down at her hand inching up my thighs. "Mmm, y'know, maybe we…smoked too much. Your sister won't stop eyeballin' me. Somethin'…a little, tiny feelin' tells me that she don't like me no more. What d'you think, handsome?"

I stifled a laugh and said, "You sound odd. Funny…you sound funny."

Fang breathed against my bandaged neck. "And you sound like a dafty," she told me.

I couldn't help it—I laughed out loud. "A dafty? What is that?"

"It means what it means! Dafty, silly, stupid!"

Snow came over to us, frowning at how loudly we laughed. "Uh…ladies?" he asked. "This is our stop, right? You coming?"

Fang fell over laughing on me from the sexual innuendo. I laughed again because she laughed, and it went back and forth, back and forth. Snow stood there looking clueless. I helped Fang stand up with me. We leaned on each other, heading through to the crowded entrance. People scattered out of our way, staring at us in awe. I had no idea why… Vanille, Serah and Snow stayed right behind us. I could feel Serah's judging eyes on the back of my head. As if I cared. The bright colors of the lobby were so much nicer to think about. They exploded out, close to my eyes, almost like a 3D picture. Or a kaleidoscope. Yeah, that.

I already knew I was long-gone.

Fang wrapped her arm around my neck. "Hey, look," she whispered, pointing to a group of people loitering next to the long lines. "Those flyers they're passin' out. Ain't that you on there? Well, you from behind…"

One of the people—a nerdy-looking teenage boy—came up to us. "Excuse me!" he said, pushing up his glasses. "Do you have a moment to talk about our Savior, Lightning Farron?" He dropped the stack of flyers in his hands when he saw me. "God, you look just like her! That's some really awesome cosplay! You should head to the Event Square. There's a contest going on to see who gets to play the Savior in tonight's play! I bet you'd totally get the part."

Snow waved the kid off. "She doesn't know what you're talking about," he lied for me. "C'mon, let's go to the front. We can cut if I tell them I'm the Patron of Yusnaan. Benefits, you know?"

"Does anyone outside of Nova Chrysalia even care?" I asked.

"Of course they do!" he argued. "Yusnaan's the place to be these days! It can't compete with Nautilus and all the rides, but we've got other stuff. You never got to see all of it before…"

Thankfully, Snow was right. He was able to get us straight through the long lines. They gave us unlimited passes for the whole park, too. That was nice and all, but Fang and I couldn't take anything seriously. Everything was hilarious for some reason. It felt like someone had filled our surroundings with laughing gas instead of air. I barely had enough composure to walk and hold Fang up at the same time. We laughed at how everyone kept staring at us. We laughed at the adults running around in chocobo and moogle costumes. We laughed at how tall—high—the buildings were, and how dark the sky was, and how bright the stars were. We laughed at the people screaming on rollercoasters overhead. We laughed at the attendants telling us cheerfully, "Welcome to Nautilus!"

"Welcome to Nautilus!" we mocked, laughing yet again. One of the attendants stared at us, uneasy.

Snow sighed. "Man, you two are high as kites," he mumbled.

Fang waved her hand. "No one asked you!" she retorted. "Besides, aren't you supposed to be all heartbroken now that Serah's left you? Why is she here? Why are you here at the same time, huh?"

"Ouch," said Snow, wincing. He glanced at Serah over his shoulder. "To be honest…I don't know. Lumina told all of us to come—" He frowned at Fang laughing from the same innuendo; "…I didn't really have a choice. Serah and I are still friends. I'm optimistic, you know? Once she finds her fragments of memories, everything'll be okay. It'll all work out. You'll see…"

"You don't sound that optimistic," I pointed out.

"Yeah, she's right," said Fang. "You don't have to lie about it. If you're depressed, you're depressed."

Snow shoved his hands in his pockets. "Thanks for the advice, Fang," he muttered. "That was great."

"I know, right? It's really great how you keep followin' us, too."

"Fine, I get it!" he said. "You two are on a date. You don't want me being a third wheel. I'll head off. If you want Serah and Vanille to leave, you better tell 'em yourself. Doesn't look like they're going anywhere any time soon." Snow backed away in the direction of the Grand Hotel not too far away—a giant pagoda-styled building lined with brilliant lights. "Just to prove that the Patron's relevant, I'll have a room for you two in my name. Ask the clerks about it and they'll hand you the keys. My treat!"

"Oh, our hero!" called Fang, full of sarcasm. "We appreciate it!" Snow grinned and walked off. "A hotel room, Light… You know what that means, don't you?"

I pretended to think about it. "We get to sit around and watch boring movies together?"

"If you weren't pullin' my leg, I'd think you were boring as hell," she said. "Now that you've gone and said that, we're gonna have to find some movies to watch together. What's your favorite kind? D'you like comedies? Musicals? Don't tell me you're into chick flicks…"

"Is this a serious question?" I asked. Fang snorted back her laughter. "In case it is, I like intellectual movies…ones that make me think. You already know what you want us to watch, don't you?"

Fang let Bane out for him to roam around. "It was only a joke—don't worry," she evaded. "Oh, and don't look behind us. Vanille's givin' me the eye, too. I'm wonderin' how long it'll take them to get the hint and scram. If I didn't know any better, I'd say this all happened before. Feels like some kinda déjà vu with all this unwanted attention."

"Yeah, I know what you mean…" I stopped myself from looking back at Vanille and Serah. "Hey, do you want to go to the Event Square? I want to know what this cosplay thing is all about. I didn't give anyone permission to do this."

"Did you give Snow permission to have that thing every year?" she asked. "That Savior play in Yusnaan where you had to wear that stupid dress? You wouldn't stop complainin' about it when you came to see me in the Dead Dunes."

"No," I answered, groaning. "I should have found some way to get around that. I swear it felt like I was someone else when I was under Bhunivelze's control."

"You can say that again," she agreed. "But yeah, let's go see what the hell this is about."

The black velvet wore off somewhat as we walked. Bane stayed close by, sniffing at the booths we passed. Usually the ones with food and candy. All Fang had to do was snap her fingers and he came back to us. A lot of people stopped to fawn over him. So much attention…noticing… Smoking this drug had a stronger aftereffect, other than making me high. I was nearly inside of Fang's head. I heard her thoughts—saw them clearly in front of me, like a movie playing. 'Why won't she notice me? It ain't about my looks. If I wanted to make her fuck me, I'd have a pretty good chance. She's gay. She could be into me like that. But just for the sex? That ain't enough… Why won't she notice my heart's open to her?'

My thoughts—Fang's thoughts—were jarred by a pair of teenagers rushing past us, both of them laughing. The girl yelled after the boy, "Notice me, senpai!"

Fang scoffed. "How rude," she complained, smoothing down her sari. "Can't they do that someplace else? I thought we left all the kids back in Nautilus Park. This is the city, ain't it? More for adults."

"What makes you think that?" I asked. She pressed her fingertips along my chin, making me look at the sex shop we just passed. There were posters of huge-breasted blondes plastered in the windows. "Oh."

"Oh?" she mocked. "How the hell did you not see that? It stands out like a sore thumb!"

I had to look away when I imagined Fang in one of those porn movies. "I-I was distracted."

Fang raised her eyebrow, amused. "By what, hm?" she wondered.

I finally turned around to look at my sister, saying, "They're still following us."

"Don't worry about them," she assured me. "We're here, anyway. Damn, all these people dressed like you… Some of 'em are guys, too. And they're Drag Queens! I'm impressed! You're the most famous person in the world and no one knows you're really you. I bet they all think you're just another nerd."

The Event Square was an open courtyard filled with food booths, musical performers and my doppelgangers. They were all dressed just like me, down to the gauze wrapped around my neck. Trolleys passed through from the other areas in Nautilus. Across the way, I saw a large theater in the same style as the Grand Hotel. The entrance had a line that wrapped around the block. There were advertisements all over the Square about the play: flyers, and digital media playing across the giant billboards overhead. There was a production about me…and Fang. Army of Two looked like it was about the day we first came back from Elysium, when I called myself protecting Fang from the Gestalt. I had no idea how they could make an entire play out of that. Nothing really happened other than me being overprotective. That meant they chose to dramatize it for the entertainment factor. I definitely didn't want to see it. Fang didn't seem interested in the theater, or the restaurants or shops on the other side of the courtyard. She held my hand, having us walk toward the huge fountain in the center of the courtyard.

People stood around the fountain, tossing gil in the water, or otherwise sitting nearby, watching all of my lookalikes in the area. No one seemed to notice me among all of my copies. It felt nice to blend in here, no matter how ironic it was.

Fang used her free arm to stop Bane from jumping in the fountain. "It's time for you to go back in," she said to him. He whimpered in her hold. "No, none of that. If you really don't want to, then go spend some time with Vanille. She'll take care of you." He hopped down and ran over to Vanille and Serah. I heard Vanille's squealing from all the way over here. "This looks like a wishing well, don't it?"

"Looks like it," I agreed. "Are you going to make a wish?"

"I'd sure like to. I haven't got any cash on me. All I have is that guy's credit card I stole ages ago."

I handed her a coin. "One gil."

Fang smiled as she accepted it. "That's all I'm worth?" she joked.

"Don't," I told her. "You're going to make me tell you some bad line about you being priceless."

She laughed. "You know, Light, I really like this," she said. Fang turned to face me, looking me over. "Ever since Vanille told me about it, I've wanted to see this place. I had this silly wish about you and I bein' here together. If that one came true, then this one might…" She flipped the coin into the water. "Now you've gotta make a wish."

Fang's thoughts whispered to me again. More visual this time—of us holding each other in a dark room, me pressing her up against a wall, gripping her hips, kissing her ear and hissing how much I needed her. She hissed back, 'I want you to love me. Fuck, I wish you did. I'd give anything for you to feel that for me.'

I let the thoughts show in my face, darkening my eyes. I held the coin tightly between my fingers. Fang had used that word again. Love. I hadn't felt that for anyone before. It wasn't only because my focus had been elsewhere. I knew how I was. I could easily devote myself to a cause, or to a goal—something that wouldn't change, at least not inherently. People were obviously more complicated than that. Especially Fang. It had been easy to deflect my feelings for her all these years because of the ways we didn't get along at times. Ways that had burned me up or frustrated me beyond the norm. I rationalized my feelings away; made them hide underneath the rock of my logic that I was too fickle and moody for her. I'd accepted that Fang and I would never see eye-to-eye on everything…

And yet, the things we did agree on, they felt right. All of this felt right. The way that Fang looked at me with so much hope filled me with promise. I wanted to be the one who accepted and loved her no matter what. I wanted to be. I knew that I wasn't. Not yet.

"Seems like you've thought of one," she noticed. Fang guided my wrist over the water. "Drop it in."

I wished for the strength, the devotion to love Fang as she needed me to do. When I dropped the coin in the fountain, nothing changed right away. I didn't expect anything to be different so quickly. Even if it was only a placebo, I liked knowing that I'd made a small step in this direction. One day, I wanted to have what I wished for. However long it took, I knew that she was worth it.

Fang moved to whisper in my ear. "You hungry?" she asked.

I held her around her waist. "Is that code for something else?"

She breathed out a deep laugh, resonating. "You've gotta tell me when you started this," she murmured. "The sexual ways you think about me. Lettin' your eyes darken with your fantasies—or mine. I know the black velvet's showin' you what's in my head. It's my crystal, after all. Even without that, you've been different with me. I wanna know how, and why."

"You've shown me that I don't have to be so uptight," I told her. "Spending time with you unlocks me more by the minute. With the way you make my heart race, how could I not want you this way?"

"Mmm, Light, I keep tellin' you there's things you don't know about me. I don't wanna scare you off…"

"Then tell me what they are," I said. "You don't have to give away everything at once. Just tell me what you think I should know." Fang looked up to the challenge. I glanced to one of the restaurants across the way. "We can talk about it over dinner. There's this Indian place here I think you'd like. I have no idea why the cuisine is Indian. There isn't an India anywhere in Cocoon or Nova Chrysalia. Is it from Gran Pulse?"

"Doesn't ring a bell," she answered. "Sounds real exotic! If it does exist, I wanna go visit the place."

.

Heated smells of food and calm conversation surrounded us as we sat in our booth together. I sat close to Fang, speaking quietly with her over our glasses of sauvignon blanc. She'd said that the inside of the restaurant looked just like Pulsian temples with the arched walls and high ceilings. The dimmed lights and warm-red walls didn't hide the similarities that much. She couldn't stop smiling from the food we'd eaten, too. According to Fang, I had very good taste, and I knew exactly what she liked in a meal. Getting her to want shrimp and curry sauce instead of well-done, overly-salty meat was an accomplishment for me. She leaned against me, resting against my shoulder as we talked. I kept my arm around Fang's hips, sitting upright as her pillar. I tried to not let my eyes wander across the room.

Unfortunately, Serah and Vanille had followed us inside. They had a table on the other side of the restaurant, closer to the bar. They were far enough away to not interrupt us, which was fine… For a second I wondered if they had turned this whole thing into a date. I couldn't imagine them like that. My sister and Vanille, together…? There was no way. I had to be getting ahead of myself.

Fang took a sip of her wine. "You still wanna know?" she asked. "I did promise I'd tell you after we ate."

I pressed my lips to her head, breathing in the smooth smell of her hair. "Talk to me about it," I said.

"Well, first things first—no nookie from me unless we're in love."

"What?"

"You heard me, lover girl," answered Fang, frowning in disapproval. "Did you think we were gonna go back to our hotel room and have sex tonight?"

"Uh…no, I wasn't—I didn't… That's not why I'm surprised… It's just the way you worded it…"

Fang played with my collar. "You're real cute when you get all flustered, Light," she said softly. "But this ain't a joke. I'm dead serious. It's a personal thing with me. I've always been in control in my relationships, see. With you, the lines are blurred. You already know what I want from you to move things forward. I don't only mean a relationship. That includes the way we fuck—if we do." I drank more wine to wash down these sudden thoughts of her in bed with me, making me work for it. "You don't agree?"

I cleared my throat and said, "Whatever you want is fine with me."

"Huh," she intoned. "That was easy. What's the catch?"

"There is no catch," I answered. "Keep talking to me. What else are you comfortable telling me tonight? You don't have to tell me everything, like I said."

"The rest is simple, Light…" Fang had me set my glass on the table. She straddled me, smoothing her hands up and down my breastplate. "I'm into almost everything. I know that don't mean much to you. For now, let's just say that the idea of people watchin' me fall apart in your arms…it turns me on. I never let anyone have me before. There's somethin' about you that makes me want to change that. You've got this silent strength… I want more of it. Force it on me, and you can make me do whatever you want. With time."

Her lips were right above mine. They held the sheen from the lights; they were thick enough to entrance me, shaped by her amusement and her power over me. Fang held my face in her hands, quietly waiting. I inched my lips closer to hers. She smirked wider and eased me back. I grabbed her arms and pulled them down; she dug her fingertips into me, raking down, hard enough to strike a match inside of me. Full intensity in her eyes pulled me to her, and she pushed me away—back and forth we went, breathing harder, contained and closed-off in our booth.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw people glancing at us, trying not to stare. I knew that Fang enjoyed it. She wanted to push me to do more to her. Exhibitionist.

"Maybe you're not strong enough," she teased. I gripped her hips, kneading down the curve of her lower back; she sighed through her smile. "I don't think you are… There's so much you could do to weaken me. Don't forget we're in public, Light. How far would you go to make me kiss you?"

"You shouldn't test me, Fang," I warned.

"Oh yeah?" she asked. "Why not?"

"I might just surprise you in the end."

Just as I was about to flip her down to the leather of the booth, I stopped. Someone slammed their hand down on our table. Glasses and dishes shook from the sudden force. I couldn't see who it was from behind Fang's body. I didn't look right away, too worried that it might've been the manager throwing us out. Fang whipped around to yell at the guy, except she couldn't get a word out. I noticed a flyer underneath his cufflinks. It was that same play—Army of Two—that I saw advertised outside. He had his hip cocked and his other hand over it, wearing a sleek black suit.

"You two!" he said, accusing. Fang smiled wide at how campy his voice sounded. "I know who you are! You're the Savior and her Pulsian Queen! I'm the director of this legendary play, and I need your help right this instant!"

Fang laughed. "Her Pulsian Queen," she repeated. "Who the hell came up with that?"

The director gestured between us. "Look at you!" he exclaimed. "You're sitting in the middle of a restaurant, kissing, scissoring or whatever it is you lesbians do in not-so-private booths! Now will you hear me out or not?" Fang pushed herself off of me by my shoulders, giving the man her full attention. I had a bad feeling about this. "As I'm sure you've no doubt heard, Army of Two is Nautilus' Big Event! People from all across Chrysalis come to see it! Not to mention we've made some changes to the theater. We have not one, but five stages, playing the same play, with different actors, for a very mature audience. The focus isn't on the actors, but on the atmosphere!"

"Right," I said. "And where do we come in?" Fang, to her credit, didn't laugh at the double-entendre again. She seemed genuinely interested in this play for some reason.

"Two of my best actresses have up and left!" he cried. "I need you to fill in their spots tonight!"

Fang took a look at the flyer. "And whichever pair of clones plays it the best gets this?" she asked, pointing to the prize. "Looks like a catalyst for my crystal. Where did you get it from?"

"Women love diamonds, jewels—anything that shines, right?" said the director, waving his hand. "I do, too! I have no idea what it's for. A lovely young lady suggested I make it the prize just for tonight." I looked outside the nearest window. Lumina beamed and waved to me. I hid my face in my palm. "Tell me you'll do it! We're running on a tight schedule. I can explain everything else on the way!"

"Sure we'll do it," spoke Fang. "Ain't that right, Lightning? Tell the good man yes. That's an order from your queen."

I didn't have a say in the matter… I told the guy yes, only because Fang wanted me to. The director threw a thousand gil down on the table to pay for our meal. He rushed us outside and over to the theater across the courtyard. I noticed something different about the people waiting in the too-long line to get in the theater. Most of them were couples wearing dark clothing—men and some women in suits, or fishnet stockings, stilettos and bustier tops. That wasn't what confused me. The couples had other couples with them, making out in groups of four or more, changing partners every now and then.

The director had us go through the back entrance. Dozens of people dressed like Fang and me ran around, getting their makeup and hair done. Set managers barked orders at workers carrying replica pieces of the Ragnarok. Everyone we passed stopped to greet the director. He offered them quaint greetings and went back to explaining the whole deal about this play. When he showed us a view of the stages and the viewing area, everything made more sense to me. The whole place reminded me of the inside of Snow's palace in Yusnaan—just a bigger version, with hundreds of booths and tables in the middle instead of rows of seats.

He gestured to the hanging stage overhead. "Now, it's designed to look like a black diamond chandelier," he said. "The rock band will be playing there. Slowcore rock. None of that blaring, distracting metalhead mess! It sets a quiet, sexy atmosphere." Then he outstretched his arms to the five stages on the ground, all at different elevations. "All of the actors will play out the same scenes on each stage. There are no lines and no microphones or yelling. No need to cheat out, either. The idea is that the audience is surrounded by scenes they love! Scenes that get them going. They're free to do as they please in their booths—discreetly, that is."

"Wait a minute," I interrupted. "What kind of play is this? If there are no lines, then…"

The director giggled at me. "Oh honey, you let your body do the talking!" he answered. I noticed a pair of our clones making out somewhere nearby. I couldn't breathe. "There will be stunt doubles for the rest of the scenes. For the sensual moments, I need both of you at your best! Impress me and you get to have your diamond, crystal, catalyst—whatever you called it. Follow the flow and keep it natural!"

He handed us earpieces and hurried off. Fang said to me, "I always wanted to be a fag hag, y'know. I've gotta find out if Hope is gay. Maybe I can be one for him!"

"Fang, how are you okay with this?" I asked. People started filing in the theater, taking their seats. "There are thousands of people here. This director basically wants us to have sex onstage! Didn't we talk about this already? The sex part, that is."

"You're freakin' out for no reason, Light," she said. Someone from makeup came over to brush something over my face. Fang pointed to the lights. "You see those? I bet you anything they'll be dim when we're on. They're only bright right now 'cause they've gotta open with some kinda action scene. No one's gonna be payin' that much attention to us. All we gotta do is be into it and we'll get my catalyst. You keep my clothes on, and you can do whatever you want to me…"

I watched the person brush the makeup over Fang's face next. "You're into this already, aren't you?"

Fang smiled. "I'll play the part, yeah," she replied. "I kinda wanted our first kiss and all to be an exhibitionist trip. This is a real dream."

Once we were completely alone, I asked her, "You want me to kiss you out there?"

"Yeah, I do," she answered. I held her close to me, watching the opening scenes play over the projection screens. "Don't think of it as somethin' staged. That takes all the fun out of it. Think of it like this: all these people get to see the way I react to you. You can claim me with your touch, and they'll all know that I'm yours. They can be jealous, they can get turned-on from it…I don't want it to be a secret." I had no idea how she could be so calm about this. But, she wanted it…I didn't have room to let nerves or doubts take over. I repeated her advice in my head as my mantra. Slowly but surely, I began to accept it all. "Look, they're playin' the part when the Gestalt makes us stop outside of Chrysalis' orbit. And now there's an airship battle that never happened! I have no idea why I love this."

Everything slowed down to match the music playing by the band. The actors playing Cid Raines and Yaag Rosch came onto their stages, along with our stunt doubles. They had dozens of people in uniforms behind them—the PSICOM and Guardian Corps armies.

The director's voice sounded in my ear, "When the armies overtake your stunt doubles, you and Fang need to make your way through the crowd to center stage. There will be special effects, yadda yadda, and then you two have your first moment! The armies will flood the stage again and that's when you return to where you are now. Oh, and be sure to play up her Pulsian Queen persona. Make it work!"

I barely kept my nerves at bay by watching how excited Fang looked. I knew that this was one of the things that should have scared me off about her. It didn't… The thought did pass my mind to get out of doing this. I couldn't do that. I had to find some way to focus on her once we were out there. When the lights on all the stages dimmed, all of the soldiers swarmed around the stunt doubles. Fang grabbed my hand and had us go to the center of the stage amid all the confusion.

And then it was just us there beneath the darkened lights. Fang stepped closer to me, waiting to see what I would do first.

Play up her Pulsian Queen persona.

I knelt down in front of her, keeping my loose fist over the hardwood underneath me. The attention from the audience was divided between the stages, between themselves. They drank together, whispered together—did more together, quietly. I blocked out the attention that was on us. With the way Fang looked down at me with need, it felt like we were alone again. That mounting energy found me, steadily building. It thickened when Fang held my face in her hand, so much like that afternoon. I stood up with her, close enough for her to whisper against my lips:

"I called you precious because of the way you flattered me," she spoke. I held her around her waist, snaking my hands up her back, pulling her body closer to mine. "Because I imagined somethin' more like this moment. Take advantage of it…"

Sweat poured down my face from the heat, from the anticipation. Tastes of white wine lingered over her lips, filling me as I breathed in her breaths. That haze thrummed down into me with the sounds of the electric guitar above us. It lifted me all over again. Hundreds of years rewound with all my memories of her, back to that sunset in Palumpolum when I first saw her eyes burning as red-orange in the dusk. I pulled Fang into me as I should have done that evening. I told her with my lips how gorgeous she was to me, without a word, without a thought save to please her. Fang wrapped her arms around my shoulders, pressing her fingertips into the nape of my neck—pulling, reacting. Soft thickness of her lips held me, fully, tipping me into her, over her. Just as soft, her sighs started me up, over and over again, making me grip her arched back to control myself. She leaned back in my hold, falling there; barely containing her emotions, breathing them out against me in short bursts.

When the armies surrounded us again, I brought her backstage with me. I pushed her up against the nearest wall and kept our lips together. Her breaths in my mouth shook from her control, from her non-control, thinning at the backend to turn me on harder. Fang held her emotions right at the top of her throat, letting them tremble there. I slipped my tongue through her lips, as if I could taste her shuddering fear that way. She pushed me away by my shoulders without pushing me anywhere—that forceless touch drove me higher, bold enough to grip her thighs. I wanted her wet for me. I wanted to smell it from here. I wanted to dive deeper into this fascination she had of people watching us.

Another whirlwind of movement put us back onstage together. From the set and props around us, we were supposed to be trapped in a jail cell. The director promised this was our last—and longest—scene, and we could have our prize. Eyes were on us again, without being on us: mixed solitude in pleasure.

I skipped the bed and eased Fang down to the floor. She tangled her nails in my hair, holding me like that. I pulled away to breathe, and to look down at her. Fang's misty eyes had filled with want. I pressed my lips to her heated neck, moved her sari from over her shoulder. She spread her legs to let me lie on top of her. I took it as an invitation. I thrust my hips between her, sharp enough to make her cry out against my ear. I did it again, and again, needing her reactions just as much as I needed to breathe.

Fang dug her sharp nails into my scalp, hissing, "What are you doin'?" I moved harder, soaking the black fabric of her shorts. Wetter, easier to grind— "Light, fuck, I can't fucking believe you…" She panted in my ear, more high-pitched by the second. "How did you get this damn bold after a few minutes?!"

"I warned you not to test me."

She flipped us around, forcing herself on top of me instead. "That was for a kiss," she reminded me. I thrust higher, into her. Fang scrambled to press her hands against my chest. "No, no, no, no you can't, you can't, you can't, I told you, no sex yet—none, no, stop…"

When she moaned, I couldn't stop. Fang's breathing and her sounds had both drugged me. I needed to keep pleasing her until she couldn't take it anymore. I needed to feel it, hear it. I knew that she got off to begging me to stop, and I wouldn't do it. She moved her hips against mine. She spread her thighs wider, opening herself more to me. Fang curled her hands beneath my shoulders, gripping me that way, to hold on, hold on. I hiked her higher, angling her body down against me. Her sari had pooled down along her waist, silk shifting in time with my dry-fucking. Dry with our clothes in the way. Dry with these tastes of her I could only smell in the air and feel in the slickness between us.

Her body moving in time with mine, against me, was too addicting. Listening to her bangles moving beneath me, feeling the shifting shears of her hair against my face, and her breasts and necklaces beneath the black of her top, pressing harder against my chest—higher, to my neck, and highest, close enough to my nose, for me to smell the sweat beading against her skin. I breathed her in before kissing her cleavage, edging down to the heat of her breasts. I listened to her heart hammering against my lips and nose; listened to the echoes of her breaths, how they needed me.

"Lightning, stop, stop—you're gonna make me come if you don't fucking stop—" She cut off her whine, sealing it behind her control. Fang slipped off of me and onto the floor. She heaved for breath as she lay on the ground. I hovered over her, watching her sweating skin shine beneath the dim lights. "You've got my head spinnin' from this pull between us… But you know I can't. Not like this. I'm not lettin' you have me so easily…"

I watched the conflicting emotions spread across Fang's face. She couldn't look at me for more than a second. Fang glanced everywhere else except at me. When our cue came to return backstage, I helped her to her feet. She fixed her sari and went ahead without me.

As promised, the director gave us Fang's catalyst. He begged us to stay on as permanent actors. We couldn't take the offer. I may have lost myself in Fang that time, but that didn't mean I was cut out for the job. When Fang and I left the theater, walking hand-in-hand to the gondolas, I realized how much I'd been sweating. The midnight chill made me more aware of that—especially the unspoken tension that still lingered between us.

Fang was quiet. Too quiet. Once we got to the gondola, I let her sit down first. She didn't seem angry with me. I couldn't know for sure unless I asked. I didn't have a good feeling about asking. But I had to try something—at least to show her that I cared.

"What's the matter?" I asked, sitting next to her.

Fang stared out the window. "This'll take us back to the hotel, right?" she evaded.

"Yes, but that has nothing to do with what I asked…"

"I didn't expect you to be this intense, Light," she whispered. "I spent all this time wantin' you this way. And now I've got no clue if I can keep true to my own rule." She pierced me with her gaze. "I wanted you to take my clothes off completely. I wanted you to keep fucking me in front of all those people. I already know what this is gonna do to me. It'll drive me up a damn wall. You're not gonna like it."

I knew it was best to not argue the point. Hearing her say that deflated me a little—a lot. When we'd been in the moment, I could read her, and she was open to me. But now, she'd put that wall back up, and I couldn't reach her anymore.

We didn't say anything else for the rest of the ride. I could tell that Fang needed some time to think. Once we made it to the hotel, she'd closed off even more, if that was possible. Snow had taken care of our room. The clerk handed us our keys to our room on the nineteenth floor. Fang and I took the elevator up to the right floor. As we made our way down the hall to our room, I was distracted by loud music playing from one of the rooms on the landing. When we passed by, a couple had just walked out. We got a glimpse of the sex party going on inside. Fang stopped, holding the door open to get a better look. The living room of the suite was filled with people on top of each other, making out and having sex.

Another couple walked out together. Snow held the door open for them, fully-clothed. "Thanks for stopping by!" he said, waving to them as the left. "Lightning, Fang! There you are! I heard about that hot play down in the Event Square. Everyone's saying you were really into it."

"Snow…" I trailed off. He smiled at me. "Is this your party?"

"Yeah, why?"

Fang raised her eyebrow, still peeking through the door. "And it's perfectly all right for a bunch of strangers to be fucking on the floor of your room?" she asked.

Snow shrugged. "What, didn't you hear?" he said. "This is just like the kinda parties I hosted back in Yusnaan! Sex parties, BDSM parties, vanilla parties, family-friendly parties—I do it all!" He sounded so proud of it, like it was an accomplishment. At least Fang smiled. "C'mon, Light, don't judge me… You never got a chance to see the real entertainment back in the city. You were too busy saving all of us, weren't you? You should've taken the time to get to know the scenes better." A few people from inside the room called Snow's name, beckoning him to come back inside. "But hey, I've gotta head back in. You know, you two are welcome at the Patron's palace any time! I'll be there more often now that my engagement's on hold… Oh, and uh—I'd appreciate it if you didn't mention this to Serah. She was never a fan of these things. Have a good night, you two."

I waved goodbye to him. Snow gave a weak smile and closed the door. Fang and I walked the short way to our room. I let her in first. The entrance room was pitch black. I thought Fang might have looked for a light while I locked the door. She didn't. Fang waited for me to turn around, and eased her body against me. I dropped the keys out of surprise. Slowly, sweetly, she pressed her lips to mine.

"I had the time of my life tonight," she whispered. "I'm sorry I'm in a mood… Didn't mean to ruin things. I've just got a lot on my mind after everything. I don't wanna make a fool outta myself, that's all…" She kissed me again. "I'm gonna take a shower. You headin' in after me?"

"Yeah, I'll wait," I answered. "…take your time."

Fang found her way to the bathroom through the dark. "You keep your hands to yourself in bed," she called. "I mean it…"

When I turned the lights on, I saw Vespair sitting in the armchair across from me. "She don't mean that," she said.

I waited a few seconds until the shower water turned on. "What makes you say that?"

Vespair looked me over, curious. "You know how you picked up on what she wanted?" she asked. "When Fang tells you no, or stop, she gets off to it. She's always been in control, just like she said. It ain't no surprise: she's turned-on the most when that control's ripped away from her. Smokin' that stuff's got you all in-tune with her mind. None of what I'm sayin' should be news to you."

"I know what you're telling me to do," I countered. "The answer's no. Fang asked me to wait."

"Didn't look like you did much waitin' while you dry humped her on that stage in front of thousands."

"Since you know so much," I growled, "Then tell me why she's upset. Do you know? Do you? If you don't, I want you to stop playing Devil's Advocate. There's no way I'm letting you mess with my head. Lumina's done enough of that for a lifetime."

Vespair walked over to me. "Your girl's upset 'cause she wants it," she hinted. "But she's got values. Morals. If I were her, I'd toss 'em in the bin and open my legs up to you—after you earned it, of course. After what you pulled tonight, I'd let you have me—right here, right now." I expected her to touch me, to try and seduce me that way. She didn't. Vespair stared at me in all seriousness. "She's playin' it safe and it disgusts me. You may think you're loyal and all, but what if your eyes start to wander before you fall in love with her? She'll hate herself if that happens. She don't got all the time in the world, unlike you."

"Wait, what are you talking about?" I asked. "Time?"

"My time's up. You ain't gettin' any more outta me tonight. Think about what I said."

Vespair disappeared into the shadows. I stood in place for a long while, listening to Fang take her shower. I knew what Vespair had told me to do. I couldn't…I couldn't risk that. I didn't know if the risk would be contained in enough trust. Fang and I weren't there. Yet that was the whole point of what Vespair had said I should do. She phrased it as if this was another one of those things about Fang that would scare me off. It didn't scare me. Instead, all I could do was stare at this crossroads, uncertain of what to do or where to go next.